#parent struggles

Specifically from my fellow witches & spiritual folk

Context below vv

my daughter's school play. she'd been practicing for 2 months.

lead role. she was excited.

thursday evening, 6 pm start.

"papa you'll be there?"

"of course beta. wouldn't miss it."

thursday 5:45 pm:

closing up service center. about to leave.

phone rings.

customer: "car is making strange noise, very urgent, can you check?"

me: "sir, we're closing now, can you bring tomorrow morning—"

customer: "please sir, i need car for tomorrow early morning office trip, if you can just check quickly..."

mechanic already left. i'm the owner. i know cars.

"okay sir, come now, i'll check quickly"

tell wife: "small delay, will be there by 6:30"

6:15 pm:

problem is bigger than expected. needs 1 hour repair minimum.

call wife: "stuck with customer emergency, will take another hour"

wife: "play starts at 6. your daughter keeps looking at door."

me: "i know i know, tell her i'll be there soon"

7:30 pm:

finish repair. customer happy. leaves.

rush to school. play ended at 7:15.

reach school 7:45 pm:

my daughter standing with her teacher. still in costume. waiting.

sees me. doesn't smile.

"did you see my play papa?"

"beta, i had car emergency—"

"you always have car emergency."

she's 8 years old.

she's right.

not the first time.

missed her birthday party (customer needed car urgently)

late to family dinner (appointment ran over)

cancelled sunday plan (customer called with problem)

always the same excuse: "business"

the thing is:

that customer who called at 5:45 pm?

could have been handled differently.

"we're closed now but if you message on whatsapp, you'll get response immediately and can book first slot tomorrow morning at 8 am"

customer gets instant response. confirmation. peace of mind.

i make it to my daughter's play.

the other thing is:

most days i leave service center at 6:30-7 pm.

not because we're busy with work till then.

because i'm on whatsapp till then.

"maruti 800 service cost?" "slot available?" "my car ready?"

typing typing typing.

could be automated.

could be home by 5:30 pm.

implemented automation 4 months ago.

what changed:

before:

leave center: 6:30-7 pm (most days)

phone: check constantly during family time

evenings: "one second, let me respond to this message"

weekends: "sorry beta, have to answer customers"

after:

leave center: 5:15-5:30 pm (most days)

phone: check morning and evening, system handles inquiries automatically

evenings: actually present with family

weekends: took last 3 sundays completely off (first time in 3 years)

the real benefit:

not the ₹8 lakhs monthly additional revenue (though that's nice)

not the 55% more vehicles serviced (though that helps business)

the real benefit:

my daughter's school has another play next month.

she asked: "papa will you come?"

i said: "yes."

she said: "you said that last time."

i said: "i know. but this time i actually will. promise."

and i will.

because that customer emergency at 5:45 pm? system will handle it.

to all small business owners:

if you're missing your kid's school plays...

if you're checking whatsapp during family dinner...

if you haven't taken a full sunday off in months...

and telling yourself "this is what running a business means"...

it doesn't have to.

last week i made it to her dance recital.

on time. phone in pocket. didn't check it once.

she performed. i watched the whole thing.

after, she ran to me: "papa you came!"

"told you i would."

"and you weren't on your phone!"

yeah.

that's worth more than any revenue number.

automation isn't about business efficiency.

it's about being present for the moments that matter.

^^ story of how i manifested things to get better

This year for me has been a rollercoaster to say the least. Between sickness, school issues with my kids, financial struggles and work, and so much more; I’m surprised I’m alive. It’s absurd the amount of times kids get sick while in school. It’s like they play a game of duck duck goose to see who gets sick next. And it’s never the same condition. Four weeks ago, it was a normal cold/flu, this…

Mom: The cat peed on the rug again

Me: Okay, I guess I'll wash it

Mom: We need a better solution than that

Me: Well that would require keeping her away from the rug

Mom: We could block her off from the living room

Me: *makes noncommittal noise as I know that the only way to do that is to close the downstairs door all the time which is a fire hazard and they hate doing that either way*

Mom: Well she needs to stay away from the rug, maybe close the bathroom door

Me: *visibly confused at this point* Okay, then close the door?

Mom: Well that's what I'm saying

Me: Mom, this is yours and dad's private bathroom within the master bedroom that I rarely use, if you want the bathroom door closed you and dad are going to have to do that if you want to put the rug up you and dad will have to do that

Mom: well she's your cat and our routine has always left it on the floor!

Me: *screaming internally because this is our 17 year old cat that we got when I was like 10 and is a family cat until the moment something needs to be done with her* mom, I don't know what to tell you there are 3 litter boxes all of which were cleaned yesterday, she pees on rugs because she likes too the only way to stop her is to cut off access to the rug

Mom: Whatever, when you wash the rug you use vinegar right?

Me: Yeah mom, always

Mom: Good *walks off*

Like I get that my parents are very tired right now and that is part of the issue, but this was literally such a frustrating conversation. Like this is their bathroom! Me closing the door isn't going to help if they don't, me putting up the rug definitely won't help if they don't because I don't even use their shower which is when the rug is used, the cat doesn't pee in that spot if there is no rug there, the only ways to prevent this have to do with THEM preventing it, because there isn't a way to stop her from peeing on rugs otherwise that we have found to work, if she likes to pee on a rug and that rug is there she will, there is no reason otherwise because if the rugs she likes to pee on aren't available she uses the litter box like she's supposed to

Me: What's new? How was your day? Anything exciting, new or interesting?

You: work, blah blah blah. This person did this, blah blah blah. Oh yeah I was going to tell you about this funny thing, blah blah blah. I swear I don't know how blah has a job still blah is, blah blah blah.

Me: Oh yeah, mmmm... oh okay, mmmhmm. Right, I don't know...

So anyways so and so learned this. So and so did this. Oh and you'll never guess what so and so did/can do.

You: Yeah, yeah, yeah... While you stare at your phone completely not listening.

Me: Are you listening...? No what's new?..

you: glued to your phone like a naked person is plastered to it and if you look away it will vanish.....

Balance? | 3 May 2017

I will be the first to admit that parenting is extremely rewarding but, also very challenging, especially as a single parent. 

Christian will always be my priority but, lately I have been feeling overwhelmed and less satisfied with my life, which has resulted in me being a less present mother. Christian has also become increasingly stubborn and disobedient; which is probably a combination of his age, my parenting and, him sensing the space I have been in of late. When I have felt happy and fulfilled, it has been easier to be there more fully for him. 

Right now, I find myself in an unfulfilling job, financially unable to move out of my parents home, and feeling academically stuck. My parents have also both had periods in hospital this year and this has contributed to my emotional state and added additional responsibilities to my load (not a complaint). 

On a personal level, it’s felt harder to connect with people (on a friendship or romantic level) as, I am so busy with work, class assignments / readings, and Christian that it’s been hard to fit a social life into the mix; not to mention that most of my friends are married and/or balancing equally crazy commitments.

So, how do I regain that balance? How do I give my bouncy four year old everything he needs and strive for a happier, more balanced space for myself?