MellPoint

Lately the highs haven’t hit the same, and the lows make me feel 6ft under. There’s no in between…

Just want to hear something other than my own thoughts..

Anything other than my thoughts…

Years have passed, I'm here again.

The pain and the sad, stick to me like tar.

What is it? Why can't I get away?

I'm so confused and life is hazy.

Moving through the day like motion pictures.

Here, there, and yet never anywhere.

Soffucating like a person's last breath.

I want to be reborn.

Feel that breath of life enter me instead of leave me every chance it gets.

I don't get it.

Am I unlovable?

Is life trully that difficult or am I just dumb?

Hah....

What sweet irony.

It hurts my head, and leaves me breathless.

Maybe it's for the best.

I’m just an inconvenience.

Time capsule

6 feet underground

Holding all the secrets you never told.

I’m tired of laughing, of singing, of sighing.

Time capsule.

How I cant wait to reunite

With everything you once had for me

Everything that’s now gone.

Years will pass

My body will leave,

Yet 6 feet under

You still lay with a part of me

All my hushed thoughts and whispered stories

All my paper planes and my funny drawings

All my sad words I could never tell you

Lay closely within you as I’m burried

Time capsule

6 feet under

When will you reveal all of my wonders?

The beauty of my soul that I shared with no one

The secrets of my body that only you’d know

Every breath

Every kiss

Every I love you I’ll miss

Every second that passes as I lay  in this ditch

Is this life anymore?

My time capsule is lost

Where did I place you?

Where did I go?

Time capsule of my heart

Please be a secret for ever

Never tell never cry

For one day we’ll be together

Again and now

Still 6 feet under

Never alone

Time capsule

You’re gone.

I’m gone

A secret  forever.

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Ive been burrying so many emotions, thoughts and words. Swallowing my one state of mind to be there for those around me. And while on the outside I seem fine and composed, deep down I'm drowing completely alone.

But here I am again. Alive yet not well.

Breathing yet not living.

Awake but dead inside.

Here I am. Once again. Putting my thoughts and feelings out on display.

Like a museum of broken pieces for the world to see and decipher.

How are you my old friend?

Has life treated you well?

Today marked a new chapter in my life. It changed what I was used to for the unknown. Throwing me back into the world like a new born, helpless and alone. And yet I smile knowing deep down this held an exciting aura to it.

Today left a sour taste on my tongue. All the words unsaid feeling like acid burning away the flesh. All the people I'll miss and the place I once called home. Yet, these new memroies waiting to be made invade my senses like the sweet smell of honey.

Today is a sad day. As I leave my past in changed for my future. But today is also a happy day. As I leave all the bad for the better.

Today is so bittersweet. Something I've longed for, but also hoped would never come.

A bittersweet will stay today, for the rest of my life.

I've been lost in a sea of people. Feeling like a strand of grass on a neverending field. Surrounded by flowers that stand out and dirt underneath. Yet I'm stuck in place only able to sway with the crowd of the lost. Never really being stepped on like the dirt and never being picked like the flowers.

I fit it like the rest of society and yet I feel lonely. I can't reach any higher than the rest and When I fall we all do.

The cold season comes and I sit still. cold weather seeping into my being freezing my from the inside out. The skies get darker, nights get longer and here I stay. Lost knowing not what life would become of me.

And when the warm season comes back around, I sway again, lost within the crowd.

But I don't want to be lost anymore. I don't want to blend in. I want to grow past the line that makes me one woth society and be on my own. I want to stand out like all the flowers, maybe even more for being different. I want to be picked for once, not ignored for being indiferent and not stepped on for being dirt.

I've been lost for so long but the way the world is made is not for the grass to be higher than the flowers. It for it to remain the same. Remain a unit controled by those who can. And those who cannot be controled, subside to the dirt. Unable to grow.

I don't want to be lost anymore, for I've been lost for so long.

I don't want to be lost anymore, for it feels so lonely.

But until the day comes, that the grass grows taller than the flowers, I will remain lost. For that is what I've been my whole life, that is all I know. It is all I've been let to believe that I'll never reach that far.

-Mel.

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I know I've been gone for a while. I've honestly been trying to deal with what is life on a daily. I'm at a point where I'm not bad, but I'm not good eaither. I'm just ok. and I don't want to be just ok.

I'm trying to find myself in the small moments on quiet. but the loudness in my mind makes it hard. I've felt lost for a while now. But I keep pretending to be ok. Pretending that I can keep going and everything is under control when it far from it.

But that's ok. It takes time to grow. To learn and understand yourself. And I'm slowly coming to peace with that thought. I cannot rush thing because if I do, it will come diformed. But If I let things be, they will turn out perfectly the way they are intended to be.

I know it's hard to be lost in this world where everyone seems to blend in, in one way or another. But don't ever let that stop you from trying to out shine and show the beuty you hide inside.

It's only a matter of time before someone picks you out of a field.

Will you remain lost in the sea of people, or will you do your best to outshine in your own way?

I get lost in his eyes, like starring at a cup of coffee waiting to be consumed.

Getting lost in them like walking through deep woods in the middle of fall.

Cold sending shivers down my spine while my face burns hot red.

I get lost in his eyes because they remind me of all the things in nature I find beautiful but take for granted.

And as I move my eyes down to his lips, I see them curve softly into a smile.

And as if shooting his last shot, plump lips part slightly to show straight white teeth.

A smile that has consumed my every breath and taken over my mind.

Am I still alive? Did he really kill me? Just a smile and eyes, it's all it took for me to meet my demise.

No words spoken. No other moves or sounds.

And that is when I knew, I belonged to him.

I was long gone, lost in his borwn eyes and smile that kills.

Yes I’m an addict. I’m slightly ashamed. But can you blame me? After all, aren’t we all addicted to something? You see, I’m not an addict in the traditional way. Not in any form of typical at least. I don’t crave drugs or their way of making the world seem hazy. I don’t drink to forget the struggles of every day. I’m not sex driven and need constant pleasures. Yet… I do admit. I am an…

Yes I'm an addict. I'm slightly ashamed. But can you blame me? After all, aren't we all addicted to something?

You see, I'm not an addict in the traditional way. Not in any form of typical at least. I don't crave drugs or their way of making the world seem hazy. I don't drink to forget the struggles of every day. I'm not sex driven and need constant pleasures. Yet... I do admit. I am an addict.

Right... Sounds funny doesn't it? But let me explain, you see...

I'm addicted to the silence in the early hours of the morning. The time before birds wake up and cars are heard in the distance.

I'm addicted to the way the sun softly creeps through the cracks of my window shades and kisses me good morning.

I'm addicted to the smile on his face and the way his laugh can brighten up any room.

I'm adddicted to the quiet company of someone next to me, yet never once interacting with me.

I am addicted to the way his hugs make me feel safe and at home.

Yeah... I know. I'm making a bigger deal than what it seems, but just as addicted to all these good things, I'm also addicted to some bad ones.

You see,

I'm addicted to the way I can live in pure happines within the stockade of my mind. Because where else can I live a perfect little li(f)e?

Addicted to the way I love to get hurt and hurt myself. Because having high expectations is highly overrated.

I'm so freaking addicted to crying myself to sleep until I feel nothing but numbness.

I am addicted to letting myself down before others do.

Fuck... I am addicted to the euphoria I get when I put myself so low, you would think I'm 6 feet under.

I'm so blissfully addicted to making sure everyone and everything comes before me, even if it is at my own expense.

ha... how sad...

Yeah... I'm an addict. But I simply cannot find a way to fight against it. And when I try, addiction always wins.

Yeah... They always win..

-M

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I feel like I'm putting a spotlight on myself for this, but I cant lie to myself anymore. I wouldn't say I'm proud, because who would be after admiting they're an addict?

But... I'm not as ashamed anymore, I guess.

And like I said, we are all addicted to something.

Question is...

To you fight it, or let it win?