#paramnesia

Hi, I'm Mia; a 22 year old digital artist and aspiring writer from the United States who's got a lot of ideas, but isn't the best at putting them onto paper (ᵕ ´ ∇ ˋ ˶)

To all the people who have stuck by me and supported my stories and characters, regardless of how many times they change, I truly appreciate it and I can't wait to continue on this journey with you!

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☾• ✦ ───── ⋆⋅⛥⋅⋆ ───── ✦ •☽

Love and Deepspace

The Freak Circus

Marvel

Strange SMP Fanart

A few days after admission to the Neurobehavioural Center, orientation for time was intact, he could give details of the accident (as related to him by others), could remember his doctors' names and could learn new information and retain it indefinitely. He exhibited, however, a distinct abnormality of orientation for place. While he quickly learned and remembered that he was at the Jamaica Plain Veterans Hospital (also known as the Boston Veterans Administration Hospital), he insisted that the hospital was located in Taunton, Massachusetts, his home town. Under close questioning, he acknowledged that Jamaica Plain was part of Boston and admitted it would be strange for there to be two Jamaica Plain Veterans Hospitals. Nonetheless, he insisted that he was presently hospitalized in a branch of the Jamaica Plain Veterans Hospital located in Taunton. At one time he stated that the hospital was located in the spare bedroom of his house.

.

.

Amazing how common reduplicative paramnesia is in my dreams (see the dream where the Red Square of Moscow is in Germany). I always chalked it up to my fascination with geography… some inherent cartographical feature of my imagination, or the fact that I’m always looking at maps—Alex is often impressed by my ability to identify countries on a map, even small obscure ones. “How do you have such detailed knowledge of the Balkans??” The Yugoslav Wars, of course. Mark Twain once quipped: “God created war so that Americans would learn geography.” (You know, some time ago I was accepted to a Geography PhD program and nearly became a Marxist geographer.)

I would say that maps, usually hypermaps, appear in about 60% of my dreams. I’m always toggling between the ground view and the aerial view, trying to work out how it is possible that a location I know to be in one spot on a map has moved to another. In my Sunflower book I write, “We look at our mental map together, dragging the topography telepathically with our neural lace appendage, like Google Maps of the future. … Am I in the Midwest? I thought this was New York. But the world is such that the Midwest and New York are the same thing, as the storm compresses space and collapses the distance through geographic folding.”

Intro: Every single time, Dream will end up at this stupid party. Every single loop, George will walk in and their eyes would lock. Every single repetition, Dream will fall a little more in love.

But no matter how many times Dream comes back here, he can never seem to save George.

(Or, Florida man messes with time for some british dude he fell head-over-heels for.)

About: Based off my “Paramnesia” series, this is a text-based game I adapted where you get to play as Dream and make choices for him as he tries to save George from an untimely death. (You do not need to have read the series in order to understand the game.)

How to play: Go to this link (or this link for mobile). Press the green "Run" button and wait about 10 seconds for the game to load. Once you see the words "PARAMNESIA the game", you can press Enter to begin!

The game will be split into three parts. Pt.1 is an intro (choices don't matter that much), Pt.2 is the main storyline (choices matter), Pt.3 consists of extra scenes you've unlocked after completing the game.

Disclaimer that sometimes errors/glitches might happen, this project isn't perfect and I still work on it from time to time. If anything buggy happens, feel free to let me know what happened! (It would help to have a save code and screenshot of the issue as well. You can report them in detail in the discord.)

『 Paramnesia (Pt 1): Beginning 』

Rating: Mature Undertale: Swapfell | Reader Insert/Swapfell Sans

Warnings: Dark, Yandere, Manipulation, Unhealthy/Unrealistic Relationships, Threats of Violence, Kidnapping, Implied Torture, Implied Imprisonment, Non-consensual Drug Use, Death

Summary: You can’t seem to remember anything...

Are you sure this body is even your own?

You find yourself sitting on a bench in a small park. A quick glance around yourself reveals small family groups sprinkled about, couples jogging together, someone walking their dog, and even a couple cruising by on bicycles.

Furrowing your brows, you try to recall how you got here only to find that you cannot remember. You try to focus on finer details—what you had been doing, if you had been with anyone, what your name is—only to find your mind going fuzzy.

You shake your head in an attempt to clear it and instead refocus on your surroundings. A sizeable duck pond with a small snack shop with tables off to its side sits immediately before you, a parking lot not too far beyond that. To your left is a walking trail that appears to lead into a small tunnel. To your right is an open field where the families and couples are gathered, thick coniferous trees ringing the area, stretching all the way beside and behind you.

Try as you might, you cannot remember why you are here—can barely remember anything at all. You decide taking action is in your best interest.

You...

A/N: Bonus densimber fic! The highly anticipated fourth part of Paramnesia. It seems I’ll have to write a fifth.

***

Deeks didn’t see Kensi for the rest of the morning or afternoon. Between interviewing the would-be burglar and touching base with Sam and Callen, he didn’t have time to check in on her.

There’d been a slightly awkward and tense air in the room when he’d talked with Sam and Callen. Obviously they still thought he was putting off telling Kensi the truth for his own benefit.

He got it. He would be suspicious too if the situation was reversed. The thing they kept forgetting was that he actually cared about Kensi’s welfare. As much as he admittedly enjoyed this side of Kensi, he knew trying to prolong her confusion would only hurt her.

Sighing to himself, he sat down at his desk to call a buddy at LAPD about a former “colleague” of Werner’s. He was waiting on hold when Kensi paused in front of his desk.

“You got a minute?” she asked, gesturing to Callen’s desk, her thumbs tucked into her pockets.

“Sure.” He immediately hung up, waiting for her to continue. Her smile was oddly hesitant as she sat down, especially after the last 24 hours.

“So, um, I was talking with Nell,” She paused, staring down at her hands which were tightly folded together. A warning bell went off in his head. “I’ve been pretty confused since yesterday,” she continued, forcing a laugh. “Actually, I don’t really remember anything about us, as a couple.”

She glanced up at him then, her eyes begging him to tell her that is was just the amnesia.

“And what did Nell say?” he asked quietly. Her eyes shuttered a little; clearly that wasn’t the response she was hoping for.

“She said I should ask you about it,” Kensi murmured. “Mar-Deeks-“ she paused again, tripping over his name for the first time. “Are we married?” He’d known it was coming, but it was so much worse than he imagined. Her eyes begged him to tell her it was true, to laugh it off, make a joke. He shook his face ever so slightly.

“No, we’re not.” Her face crumpled for a moment in disbelief and then quickly, grief.

“So none of it was true? We’re really just partners, it was all in my head.” Her voice had dropped to a whisper and he saw anger growing in her eyes. “And you let me believe it.”

He grasped her hand between his; she didn’t resist, but her fingers were unresponsive, limp in his.

“Kensi, I wanted to tell you, but your doctor said I should give you a few days,” he said, trying not to let his desperation show. “I swear I would have told you as soon as I realized what going on otherwise.”

“Deeks, I thought we were married,” she said, her voice trembling. “I thought you-I kissed you and...god, Deeks, how far would you have let it go?”

Deeks had no idea what she’d stopped herself from saying, but he was quickly regretting every moment he’d convinced himself this would turn out alright.

“I never took advantage of you,” he told her firmly. She just shook her head, jerking her hand out of his and roughly pushing her chair back, the look on her face such a contrast to the complete trust he’d seen in the last day and a half.

“You did the moment you lied to me.” He reached for her again, but she jerked away from him. Her eyes were full of betrayal as she stood and left the bullpen, rushing down the hall. He ran after her, needing to make her understand.

“Kensi, please let’s just talk about it-“

“No. I’m going home,” she said and her voice cracked again. He brushed her shoulder as she stayed just out of reach.

“Kensi-“

“Don’t follow me, Deeks.”

***

“So, uh, you heard from Kensi recently?” Deeks rolled his eyes at Callen’s completely unsubtle question, feeling him hover over his desk. As far as he knew, Kensi hadn’t talked to anyone, other than to call in some sick days, since she’d left three days ago. And he was pretty sure Callen knew it too.

“Nope.”

“Did you try calling her?” Deeks clenched his jaw and drew in a short breath through his nose, forcing himself not to snap. Since telling Kensi the truth he’d been irritable and on edge. Sam had called him sulky, which didn’t improve his mood.

Mostly though he just felt guilty. Especially when he found himself missing Kensi’s touch and the completely look of trust in her eyes. He had a distinct feeling that trust was permanently damaged.

Callen was still standing over him, apparently waiting for a response. He wondered if they had drawn straws or come up with some other more elaborate way of determining who would come talk to him.

“Callen, she told me to go away,” Deeks told him, not looking up from his desk. No one had dared to ask what happened before Kensi left, obviously coming to their own conclusions, and Deeks didn’t volunteer.

Nell had stopped him the next day to apologize for interfering-her words. He didn’t have the heart to be angry with her, especially when she was just trying to help Kensi.

“Well, I don’t know what you expected to happen,” Callen said and Deeks glared at him coldly, tossing his pen onto his desk.

“Ok, since you apparently have all the answers, what would you have done?” He leaned back in his chair, waiting for Callen’s answer. He was a little surprised when he didn’t immediately repeat his advice from the other day.

“You know, I honestly don’t know.” Callen snagged a spare candy off of Kensi’s desk and then sat down at his desk, sitting back with a smirk. “But I think it’s interesting that you’re taking this all so easily.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“The Marty Deeks I know wouldn’t just sit back and accept that Kensi wants space,” Callen explained with a shrug.

“I’m pretty sure that’s called stalking,” Deeks said. “I think NCIS frowns upon that.”

“Stop being an idiot. You know what I’m saying. Kensi’s your partner and you care about her.”

“Ooh, getting all touchy-feely, I like it.”

“You know, I could always get Sam to do this little pep talk,” he threatened, raising an eyebrow that said he would totally sell Deeks out of if he didn’t tone down the snark. He didn’t really feel like listening to one of Sam’s lectures right now so he folded his hands and sighed, loudly enough to show his annoyance and said,

“Fine, what’s your life affirming advice?”

“Kensi was caught off-guard, she was still recovering from a recent head injury, and very confused last time you talked. Now she’s had a few days to think about things, she might be ready to listen. Or maybe she won’t.”

“Well, that was a little anticlimactic, not to mention less than inspiring.”

“My point is, talking never hurts,” Callen said, spreading his hands in the air.

“And what if she slams the door in my face?” Deeks asked, remembering the anger and betrayal in her eyes.

“She might.” He shrugged, like they were discussing the end of potentially the most important relationship in Deeks’ life. “But at least you’ll know you tried.” Callen stood again, his expression reminding Deeks a little of a smug older brother. He thought the discussion was over, but then Callen lingered by his desk, looking a little more hesitant. “If you ever repeat this, I will deny it, but I think it would be a shame if your partnership ended over this. You two are good for each other.”

With that surprising statement, Callen gave him a tight smile and left, mentioning something about challenging Sam to a rock wall race. Deeks sighed, glancing at Kensi’s desk. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Callen was right.