A/N: Bonus densimber fic! The highly anticipated fourth part of Paramnesia. It seems I’ll have to write a fifth.
Deeks didn’t see Kensi for the rest of the morning or afternoon. Between interviewing the would-be burglar and touching base with Sam and Callen, he didn’t have time to check in on her.
There’d been a slightly awkward and tense air in the room when he’d talked with Sam and Callen. Obviously they still thought he was putting off telling Kensi the truth for his own benefit.
He got it. He would be suspicious too if the situation was reversed. The thing they kept forgetting was that he actually cared about Kensi’s welfare. As much as he admittedly enjoyed this side of Kensi, he knew trying to prolong her confusion would only hurt her.
Sighing to himself, he sat down at his desk to call a buddy at LAPD about a former “colleague” of Werner’s. He was waiting on hold when Kensi paused in front of his desk.
“You got a minute?” she asked, gesturing to Callen’s desk, her thumbs tucked into her pockets.
“Sure.” He immediately hung up, waiting for her to continue. Her smile was oddly hesitant as she sat down, especially after the last 24 hours.
“So, um, I was talking with Nell,” She paused, staring down at her hands which were tightly folded together. A warning bell went off in his head. “I’ve been pretty confused since yesterday,” she continued, forcing a laugh. “Actually, I don’t really remember anything about us, as a couple.”
She glanced up at him then, her eyes begging him to tell her that is was just the amnesia.
“And what did Nell say?” he asked quietly. Her eyes shuttered a little; clearly that wasn’t the response she was hoping for.
“She said I should ask you about it,” Kensi murmured. “Mar-Deeks-“ she paused again, tripping over his name for the first time. “Are we married?” He’d known it was coming, but it was so much worse than he imagined. Her eyes begged him to tell her it was true, to laugh it off, make a joke. He shook his face ever so slightly.
“No, we’re not.” Her face crumpled for a moment in disbelief and then quickly, grief.
“So none of it was true? We’re really just partners, it was all in my head.” Her voice had dropped to a whisper and he saw anger growing in her eyes. “And you let me believe it.”
He grasped her hand between his; she didn’t resist, but her fingers were unresponsive, limp in his.
“Kensi, I wanted to tell you, but your doctor said I should give you a few days,” he said, trying not to let his desperation show. “I swear I would have told you as soon as I realized what going on otherwise.”
“Deeks, I thought we were married,” she said, her voice trembling. “I thought you-I kissed you and...god, Deeks, how far would you have let it go?”
Deeks had no idea what she’d stopped herself from saying, but he was quickly regretting every moment he’d convinced himself this would turn out alright.
“I never took advantage of you,” he told her firmly. She just shook her head, jerking her hand out of his and roughly pushing her chair back, the look on her face such a contrast to the complete trust he’d seen in the last day and a half.
“You did the moment you lied to me.” He reached for her again, but she jerked away from him. Her eyes were full of betrayal as she stood and left the bullpen, rushing down the hall. He ran after her, needing to make her understand.
“Kensi, please let’s just talk about it-“
“No. I’m going home,” she said and her voice cracked again. He brushed her shoulder as she stayed just out of reach.
“Don’t follow me, Deeks.”
“So, uh, you heard from Kensi recently?” Deeks rolled his eyes at Callen’s completely unsubtle question, feeling him hover over his desk. As far as he knew, Kensi hadn’t talked to anyone, other than to call in some sick days, since she’d left three days ago. And he was pretty sure Callen knew it too.
“Did you try calling her?” Deeks clenched his jaw and drew in a short breath through his nose, forcing himself not to snap. Since telling Kensi the truth he’d been irritable and on edge. Sam had called him sulky, which didn’t improve his mood.
Mostly though he just felt guilty. Especially when he found himself missing Kensi’s touch and the completely look of trust in her eyes. He had a distinct feeling that trust was permanently damaged.
Callen was still standing over him, apparently waiting for a response. He wondered if they had drawn straws or come up with some other more elaborate way of determining who would come talk to him.
“Callen, she told me to go away,” Deeks told him, not looking up from his desk. No one had dared to ask what happened before Kensi left, obviously coming to their own conclusions, and Deeks didn’t volunteer.
Nell had stopped him the next day to apologize for interfering-her words. He didn’t have the heart to be angry with her, especially when she was just trying to help Kensi.
“Well, I don’t know what you expected to happen,” Callen said and Deeks glared at him coldly, tossing his pen onto his desk.
“Ok, since you apparently have all the answers, what would you have done?” He leaned back in his chair, waiting for Callen’s answer. He was a little surprised when he didn’t immediately repeat his advice from the other day.
“You know, I honestly don’t know.” Callen snagged a spare candy off of Kensi’s desk and then sat down at his desk, sitting back with a smirk. “But I think it’s interesting that you’re taking this all so easily.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“The Marty Deeks I know wouldn’t just sit back and accept that Kensi wants space,” Callen explained with a shrug.
“I’m pretty sure that’s called stalking,” Deeks said. “I think NCIS frowns upon that.”
“Stop being an idiot. You know what I’m saying. Kensi’s your partner and you care about her.”
“Ooh, getting all touchy-feely, I like it.”
“You know, I could always get Sam to do this little pep talk,” he threatened, raising an eyebrow that said he would totally sell Deeks out of if he didn’t tone down the snark. He didn’t really feel like listening to one of Sam’s lectures right now so he folded his hands and sighed, loudly enough to show his annoyance and said,
“Fine, what’s your life affirming advice?”
“Kensi was caught off-guard, she was still recovering from a recent head injury, and very confused last time you talked. Now she’s had a few days to think about things, she might be ready to listen. Or maybe she won’t.”
“Well, that was a little anticlimactic, not to mention less than inspiring.”
“My point is, talking never hurts,” Callen said, spreading his hands in the air.
“And what if she slams the door in my face?” Deeks asked, remembering the anger and betrayal in her eyes.
“She might.” He shrugged, like they were discussing the end of potentially the most important relationship in Deeks’ life. “But at least you’ll know you tried.” Callen stood again, his expression reminding Deeks a little of a smug older brother. He thought the discussion was over, but then Callen lingered by his desk, looking a little more hesitant. “If you ever repeat this, I will deny it, but I think it would be a shame if your partnership ended over this. You two are good for each other.”
With that surprising statement, Callen gave him a tight smile and left, mentioning something about challenging Sam to a rock wall race. Deeks sighed, glancing at Kensi’s desk. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Callen was right.
He sent a quick text to Callen saying he’d be out for the rest of the day and silently prayed that he could figure out what to say by the time he reached her apartment.
