#paragrade

[[Summary: It's clear that Garrus is no longer who he was two years ago, but is Shepard? Can she convince him not to kill, or will she ruin whatever is blooming between them? Feedback always appreciated. <3 Shout out to my beta readers for this chapter!

Previous

AO3]]

To the people on the Citadel, Commander Shepard was a legend and a ghost. How had she not come back before now? With all the other shit on her plate, it had just escaped her mind, and if she was going to be honest with herself (it had to happen some time) she didn’t want anyone to see her like this. Scars, a slight limp, those few seconds of lag that the left side of her body presented. It all added up; maybe she wasn’t recognizable as who she had been before at all, and maybe that was a good thing. Certainly no one seemed to give her a second glance as she walked out from the Normandy, flanked by Garrus and Thane. Bored eyes slid off them, people more concerned with trying to get into the Citadel than with dealing with newcomers.

Her anonymity continued as they pressed through the crowds trying to get past security, granting them the kind of wide berth only given to the heavily armed. It might have continued of the turian guarding the entrance to the Citadel proper hadn’t stopped her, looking at his omni-tool with a puzzled expression, finally saying, “According to this you’re dead.”

Shooting a glance at Garrus (who offered only a shrug in return,) Shepard gave a false chuckle. “I was, but I got better.”

The guard gave her the once over and gestured her through to his immediate superior with a look that said dealing with a resurrected ex-Spectre was far beyond his pay grade. It was better for all of them involved- this Captain Bailey could know where the supposed ‘Fade’ was, another step closer to Sidonis. That Bailey could wave her through, let everyone know that she was, technically, not dead anymore was another nice bonus.

“You ready to do this, Garrus?” They had a warehouse location for their contact, just off some of the main shops in the Citadel. The day had become real in a way it wasn’t before, Sidonis no longer an abstract notion of revenge but within Garrus’ grasp.

One hand reached back to touch the butt of his sniper rifle and he nodded, eyes hard even beneath his visor. “Never been more ready, Shepard.” His conviction was impossible to argue with, but Shepard continued to lead the way, glancing back now and then as she did so.

Thane looked as troubled as she felt, finally pausing to tap her on the shoulder, pulling her aside. “This is not my fight. This is not my vengeance.” His brows were furrowed, as much as possible, and his hand squeezed her shoulder once. Shepard knew that Thane would stay if she asked him to, and she couldn’t say she wasn’t tempted.

“Go enjoy the Citadel. You haven’t been here in ten years. Have fun.” What Thane would do for fun she didn’t know, but his obvious relief made her feel slightly lighter. What remained was between Garrus, herself, and Sidonis. Anyone else was just an extra complication that no one needed. Hurrying to catch back up to Garrus, she spared one more glance over the shoulder to Thane’s retreating figure before steeling herself. It was time.

****

Of the supposed Fade there was little to say. Exhausted from a fight spanning a long warehouse, culminating in twin mechs, Shepard could only lean against a wall and pant, trying to hide how much her left leg was paining her, how exhausted her left arm was, as if it didn’t even want to hold up the weight of a gun anymore. With glazed eyes, she watched Garrus’ interrogation reach a fever pitch, punches and kicks, shoving Harkin against the wall. Somehow, she wasn’t surprised he had showed up again. He was a rat and had always been one.

Then Garrus reached for his pistol, and Shepard pushed herself away from the wall, taking one shaking step and then another, pulling his gun hand down quickly and efficiently, feeling him first resist and then yield. “You don’t need to shoot him. He won’t be able to hide from C-sec now. Sometimes you just have to let things go, Garrus,” Shepard said, hypocritical as ever. He shot her a look that sent something cold through her insides, something that didn’t bare considering.

“I guess it’s your lucky day,” Garrus finally said, breaking the silence.

Wiping sweat and blood from his eyes, Harkin replied, “Yah, let’s do it again real soon.” Trash. Shaking her head, Shepard turned her back on the man, walking out of the room. They knew where Sidonis would be now, and she didn’t need to see what happened next. The crunch of flesh and bone meeting hard turian plates was enough. Sometimes you just had to let the anger out. Sometimes you wanted to see a face punched in. Nothing was ever enough to let that rage flow.

****

The shuttle ride back from the warehouse was mostly silent, Garrus staring straight forward, Shepard looking at him from the corner of her eyes, watching as his hands twisted and turned, unable to hold still. It wasn’t until the car was settling in on a soft puff of air that he bothered to speak, still not looking at her.

“Harkin’s a bloody menace. We shouldn’t have let him go. He deserved to be punished.”

This wasn’t the Garrus she had known two years ago, the one she had gotten so close to. This was someone new, but wasn’t she also something different? More serious, less likely to laugh. Still… “I’m getting a little worried about you, Garrus. You were pretty hard on Harkin.” The point seemed to hit home; Garrus looked at her once, but their exchange was devolving into something else, an exchange of hurt that only drove her former point further into the heart-he had changed. No one went through two years of hell and came out unscathed.

Garrus was so hard now though. They had barely laughed together since she had found him again, it felt like they wouldn’t again. If he wasn’t the same person, who was she? Not even the same body anymore, the flesh not belonging to herself anymore. But part of her missed the old Garrus, even mourned him. Two years of time had been suspended for her, but for him they had pressed onward, changing him. What she felt for him though… That remained the same. Even the new Garrus.

Resignation. Exhaustion. “What do you want from me, Shepard? What would you do if someone betrayed you?” Questions she wasn’t equipped to answer.

“I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t let it change me. I miss you, Garrus.” It was the closest she had come to discussing her emotions since she had been brought back, and it was only met with another long silence before Garrus moved straight into the plan.

****

“Don’t move.” Shepard’s head bobbed back and forth, trying to keep in front of where she knew Garrus was sitting and waiting, scope primed. Even if he shot her in the back of the hea; so what? She had died once and found her attitude varied wildly between shivering fear and a kind of laissez-faire that now suffused her.

Grabbing Sidonis’ shoulder, she felt the turian tear away from her. “Get off me!” From the start, it had been clear he wanted nothing to do with her. At least he didn’t recognize her. Small blessings.

Part 3/3 of my Mass Effect alignment series.  FINALLY!

Unconfined by what’s merely expected of you, you make your own decisions that aren’t blindly based on placement on a wheel. 

“We might surprise you.”

Available at RedBubble and Society6.