#outofboredom

Who said that living was easy? It was only easy when I was a child when I depend on all I need to my mother, who was so loving and patient to rear me. Now that she is gone, I now appreciated all the sacrifices she had for me. It is indeed too late to be regretful. However, I am thankful to my mama. I will not become who I am today. I hope that she is proud of me. Our relationship as a mother and daughter were not perfect. We have several fights due to indifferences of opinions. I also had hurt feelings with her before. But when she got sick, all of it vanished like ashes flown by the wind. Just like ashes, my mama is also like that when she died. Right now, I am better now and had already accepted that she is gone. But my tears won’t stop from falling every time I remember all we had been through, from the happy times and hard times.

Right now, that I am like being alone with a great opportunity in hand. I am thankful that and starting to explore the possibilities life has to offer but with a restriction that I will not be lost and bend to the worldly demands on earth. Some people may misunderstand me because I don’t speak much especially what is going on in my mind; what is my honest and brutal opinion on things. I find it challenging to confront an argument, maybe because I was used to having my mama to be there form e and solve it for me. She was indeed my comfort zone. Now that she is gone, I am afraid to face the challenges in my life. I am trying to be courageous but mostly I failed to convince myself. My only refuge is my religion. I believe that God will always protect me no matter what happened. It is really hard to stand on my own feet. People may say that I am like feeling born like a princess but I never intended to be so.

I meet and know a lot of people. I was also given a chance to go outside my country and see the other side of the world. It also makes me appreciate the country where I came from. Although it is not as progressive as the country I am working currently, I can agree that no place is like home. I don’t like the idea of my roommate, who tried to fit herself to the new environment that she wanted to fit in that she almost changed herself that I cannot know her already. But I am thinking too, that maybe it is her true character that she is trying hard to conceal. I am indeed regretful that I refused the first opportunity that was given by me, where there are the true persons that will help me adjust to the new environment. I also regret my opportunity of finding true love. I lost the man who showed interest in me. Somehow, he makes me feel very special and makes me feel that I am beautiful. But being a coward person who chooses to stay in the comfort zone. I wasted the wonderful gift God has given me. Maybe the man cannot forgive me because he had ignored me already. He indeed waited so long and had lost the interest or the possible true love he has for me. I cannot help but think about the what-ifs. If only I have known, I wish I had chosen the best choice.