#orphan dc

Batman: Black and White (2020) #5

and like, he’d drop it at the most random times, because he genuinely doesn’t believe it’s all that interesting.

so here’s some good potentials.

dinner at wayne manor-

duke: so like, a cult is-

bruce, without pausing his eating or looking up: i was kidnapped by a cult when i was eighteen. they wanted to drain my blood.

everyone:

tim: what the fuck bruce

alfred, passing through: ah yes, i had almost forgotten. no one speak his name, or he will know master bruce survived.

the rest of the table:

in the batcave-

jason: being buried alive is a very traumatizing experience, i’ll have you know.

bruce: yeah, i got mud all in my mouth cause it was raining.

the kids:

bruce: oh, and i broke the casket when i finally got it open, so i had to get my dad a new one.

jason: what the fuck

on patrol-

steph: hey, bruce! if you were to go back in time, would you go to, like, fifties bop or midwestern cowboys

bruce: well, the midwestern cowboys were sort of fun, but there was this one guy shooting everyone with a gun from the future, and i had to fight robot pterodactyls. so i guess if i didn’t have to deal with that, the widwestern would be more fun.

the coms:

barbara: bruce what the fuck

the dinner table, again-

dick: i’m just saying, arkham isn’t the best mental institution to base your opinion on.

bruce: it was a lot worse in the eighties. the food was awful and the doctor only wanted to experiment on me.

the kids:

dick: what the fuck

alfred, passing through: master bruce, how many times do i need to apologize for that before you cease bringing it up?

bruce:

the batcave, again-

damian: from what i’ve researched, dent was fairly intelligent before he succumbed to his insanity, and-

bruce: actually, harvey cheated off of me whenever he could, which didn’t actually make any sense, because he was studying law and i was studying medicine, but most of those grades are mine, anyways. and some are probably harley’s and john’s, i’d bet.

everyone:

duke: what the fuck

on a stakeout-

jason: i’m just saying, old man. if you’d kill the joker i-

bruce: well, i did try.

jason:

bruce: stupid kryptonians getting in the way.

jason:

the coms:

jason: what the fuck.

on patrol, again-

cass: poison ivy and harley quinn were spotted downtown, two of us should-

bruce: oh! i forgot i scheduled dinner with them. you kids have patrol covered, right?

the coms:

damian: what the fuck

in the living room, watching an action movie-

bruce: this reminds me of the time i climbed mount everest.

the kids:

stephanie: what the fuck ?

in the hall, looking at the new family portrait-

bruce: you know, when i was a kid i tried to get alfred into the family portrait because he was dating my parents and we all wanted him to be a part of the painting, but he refused.

the kids:

alfred: master bruce, really?

Tim: Dick, no one else is even in the running. please be so fr right now

Damian: What are you arguing about?

Dick: Damian! Damian can do it! He’d be great at it.

Tim: No, Damian’s gonna follow his paternal grandfathers lead and be a doctor. Everyone only has to take on ONE element of Bruce. Try again

Jason: They are arguing about which one of us should be the newest representative for the Justice League for when Bruce finally conks it.

Damian: That would be an honor no? Richard you would be a competent ruler.

Cas: Leader

Damian: Whatever. I assume Timothy will be taking on WE in the event of father’s passing, so wouldn’t Jason also be in the running?

Tim: No i called dibs on Jason

Jason: What? What are you talking about. You can’t call dibs on me. What if I want to run the Justice League?

Tim: You don’t. You are going to run the Wayne foundation. Take from the rich give to the poor. Modern day Robin Hood—Very on brand for you. Don’t worry I have the contracts and everything ready.

Jason: …

Jason: Ok deal. Sorry Dickie, looks like your going to rule the interplanetary alliance :P

Dick: I don’t wanna!

Tim: What, do you wanna switch?

Dick: Well, no—

Tim: Also you’re the only one that makes sense.

Dick: I’ll do anything else, please that’s too much responsibility.

Tim: Okay. Be Batman.

Dick: …

Dick: Yea never mind. Running the Justice League won’t be that hard.

Damian: Wait so who will be Batman?

Cass: Dibs

Damian, Tim, Jason, Dick: Fair

Superman: Woah, he's writing down with such concentration, wonder what could be in there, maybe a new villain in Gotham?

Bruce, writing: "Dick has refused his favourite Pb&J five mornings in a row. Delete from favourites. Ask for new favourite food."

"Jason didn't seem as Eager to read the new book by his favourite author, put it in neutral category."

"Tim chose a green shirt instead of a red one at the mall today. More research needed."

"Cass listened to arctic monkeys on repeat this week. Update to favourites."

"Duke expressed an interest in slam poetry and called band practice lame. Put poetry in favourites and band in neutral."

Bruce said that one of them was biological and absolutely nobody has even a single clue who is or isn’t

__

Kon: must be nice actually having access to your rich dads bank account

Tim(thinking about jack drake): yeah but he’s an asshole

Kon(thinking about Bruce): all dads are, at least yours is a hero

Tim:

Tim: that’s… one way to put it I guess

__

She didn’t bring a coat despite Bruce asking her to

I think Cass would like Barbie movies, I also think she deserves to experience childlike wonder.