#or rant

I'm hanging in there!! I'm still handling my health issues without meds, but it's slowly getting solved. College has been a nightmare and hogging most of my time along with rehearsals (the presentations are on March so it's becoming quite tense, plus some internal drama with one of the actors that has been driving me up a wall-).

I suspect that I could be having a small depression episode, but I won't be sure until my medical evaluation is done.

I'm also getting ready for an audition for a scholarship in London this weekend and it has not been helping my nerves, but I'm just trying to not stress over it.

Also, I don't mind getting only asks about my fic and other things. People have been more than kind to me since i started posting here and I am more than grateful by just getting asks on my inbox (which has been pretty dry in the past weeks but it's alright. People get busy with life!!).

Deacon?

Back in the day, my school used to run this Science competition. The first couple of years was more "hey, here's this really cool science concept" - and it could be whatever right? I did conservation of energy one year and pantographs the other. Granted, I never actually won, but I've been a finalist for six years straight.

Somewhere along the line, it went from "cool science quizzes and concepts" to "can you, a middle/high schooler come up with ways to revolutionise the world" or solve some esoteric problem which is obviously beyond the means of your average high schooler. They also required pretty much to do something coding related.

My talents unfortunately have always geared towards being a good entertainer - I can make you laugh or cry or seethe in rage with words - I conspicuously cannot solve the great problems of life. That's for people with actual expertise.

I'm a dab hand at coding, but only so far as to make games with it - that's the worthiest task I can do, purely because I find that the moments that have touched me most are in stories.

So why did we decide to make everything about how productive you can be? When did we decide that you as a person don't matter; only the numbers you throw up do? Why did we decide we don't care about the moments inbetween work don't matter. I don't want to monetise my hobbies damnit. I just want people to laugh or be happy.

I LOOKED THIS MAN IN THE EYE, SMILED AND WALKED OUT

/ I wish to cease to exist everytime kid starts talking or refrencing dumb shit like Skibidi Toilet....Sprunki or Italian brainrot...............ik kids are dumb, hell I was a dumb kid!