#ocd coping

Turns out that's OCD! I know it isn't always about cleaning. But it turns out even when it is about cleaning, it's not about cleaning, it's about fixing.

I walk into a room and see everything I need to fix, and if I can't do it all right away it eats at my brain. It eats and eats and eats til I have to push up and do it.

But having a tired, disabled body doesn't work with that always. So I am learning how to rest. Here's my tips, for those like me.

If you are genuinely enjoying a task, you may be listening to music, or watching a show. If you are dissociating and saying you're fine doing a task, that's not the best. Maybe you have to, but remember it's okay to sacrifice a few things you were taught are bad. A tall chair to sit in for dishes, half doing a chore and eating a snack before finishing. And celebrating those little wins in the battle against the bug that tells you you can't rest.

A lot of these can be helpful for other mental illnesses too!

coping skills: https://www.youtube.com/c/ocdandanxiety

fav self soothing music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqZi4p4imUw&t=1142s&ab_channel=shadowatnoon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFZOwUfD5ds&t=204s&ab_channel=TheExplorersGuild

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SASzfJ-E05I&t=10s&ab_channel=D%C3%A9liceMusical

fav self soothing tumblr tags:

#calming

#cleancore

#pets

#water aesthetic

#soapcutting

#claycracking

earplugs to lower stress: https://www.loopearplugs.com/ (pretty!)

https://www.flareaudio.com/products/calmer (easy to hide!)

for stimming even in public: https://www.critsuccess.com/index.php/d20-dice-ring.html (good for D&D!)

https://www.stimtastic.co/stim-jewelry/spinner-rings (no numbers!)

Hands: Hey! Leave us alone. We hurt.

Me: Yeah I agree with Hands. They're pretty messed up.

Brain: B-But... You gotta. Germs...Unclean...

Me: Sorry, Hands. Brain is right.

So I’ve created this concoction that seems to be helping the hands. They’re cracked to hell and the knuckles are raw.

ANYWAY.

The concoction consists of Sudocrem, Epaderm ointment, and Aqueous Cream. They all do the same thing but somehow separately had little effect. However, I decided to be Roald Dahl[’s George and create a marvelous medicine. 

I applied it over night and put my hands in a pair of cheap gloves.

This morning they were my hands were pink instead of red raw. So... yeah. Improvement central. 

Okay, so, with extreme handwashing and the end of summer comes the inevitable cracking and bleeding of dry skin. Since "just stop washing your hands so much" is the Rock to my Sisyphus, I've relied on hand lotions instead.

Now I've tried it all. Most hand lotions I try during the day, even if I only apply to the backs of my hands, instantly make me want to wash again so I'm almost completely limited to repairing my hands at night. Curel, Eucerin, Dove, St. Ives, (the list goes on) all wash off easily the next day but they don't do a great job healing the stubborn cuts. The heavyweights like Udder-ly Smooth, Burt's Bees Almond Milk Beeswax Hand Cream, and even Cocoa Butter all work great at deep moisturizing but they cling so much that I end up spending the next morning scrubbing it off my hands with dish detergent which totally defeats the purpose. No good.

Then I found:

It smells like a Grandma's powder room but a small dab on the back of the hands goes a long way and it soaks in fast so it's great during the day and can be reapplied easily. The thing is: It's prohibitively expensive (even when it's on sale) and it's only from the Body Shop so that's a 20 minute drive at least. Also the smell is POWERFUL which can be tough for folks. Also the tube is a pain to use one-handed so sometimes you get lotion on the outside of the tube which means no more day-time use (day-time use solely consisting of applying lotion to the backs of my hands. the second my fingertips get greasy. nope. gotta wash).

Then last year when I was too broke for the rose cream and my hands were so painfully dry I could barely focus, I got this out of desperation:

HOLY SNACK-EATING MADONNA OF THE CUPCAKES

Seems super duper runny and they only come in these tiny (if convenient and adorable) bottles. But let me explain you a thing.

THESE THINGS ARE AWESOME. The smell is much lighter than the rose cream. The size and shape of the bottle make it WICKED easy to keep with me during the day and apply directly to the backs of my hands without getting nasty and hand-washing-triggering goop all over the goddamn tube. And. AND. I can get them at Target or order a whole bunch from Amazon with free shipping. It's got a soapy smell but that's kinda my jam anyway and since I can reapply during the day, I'm FAR less likely to get those wicked deep grand canyon cuts that bleed everywhere. (Although I found using neosporin on those at night actually does help, even though they're from hand-washing). Plus, PLUS, they're very ungreasy feeling to begin with and when I do inevitably wash my wands, the lotion washes away completely. No waxy residue, no grimy feeling. No. None. Gone. It's not quite as effective at moisturizing as the rose cream but for all its other benefits, I'm willing to reapply.