#nonbinary asks

Yes, I identify as a lesbian. I’m a non-binary lesbian. We exist.

4. what is your Gender Euphoria Outfit?

I have an EXACT outfit for this. its a baggy yellow shirt that says "good mornin bitches" and black sweatpants. also I must not be wearing a bra

7. favorite trans meme/bit of trans humor?

i was actually looking at trans memes when you asked this 😳😳

12. favorite trans headcanon?

questions from here!

3: How old were you when you came out to yourself as nonbinary?

The best I can remember is during the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of high school, so 15 I think? I know I also came out to other people as nonbinary too soon after, like the weekend before classes started

6: Is there a nonbinary celebrity you look up to?

Not particularly, tbh I’ve never gotten attached to celebrities and such, though I’m glad that they’re out there and living openly!! Also though Indya Moore seems pretty cool (I see their tweets sometimes when they cross my dash)

10: Do you have a favorite lgbt+ character?

I don’t think I have just one favorite :( I think that’s both from me not really seriously watching shows/reading books/consuming other media very often, and from me always having difficulty with picking just one favorite to have (like my younger sibling will always ask me what my favorite [x thing] is and I’m never able to have a concrete answer for them)

NONBINARY TAG 

1. Let’s do the basics - what’s your gender and what’re your pronouns? (tell me all your gender labels!!) 

2. Do you consider yourself to be under the trans umbrella, or is being nonbinary separate from that for you? 

3. How do you feel about the label “enby”? Do you use it for yourself? 

4. What song is your gender? 

5. Do you experience gender euphoria and if so, what causes it?

 6. What’s a question you’re tired of being asked?

 7. What outfits, accessories, presentations do you feel most yourself in? Is your style connected to your gender for you?

 8. Have you identified with different genders, nonbinary or otherwise, in the past? 

9. Are there gendered phrases or words you like/don’t like? Dude, gal, man, sis, etc? 

10. What compliments best suit your gender? Handsome, beautiful, pretty, hot, stunning, etc? 

11. What’s your favourite gender-neutral alternative to commonly gendered words? (e.g. sib instead of brother/sister, mx instead of miss/mr, enby instead of boy/girl, etc?) 

12. Do you like the nonbinary pride flag for yourself? Do you prefer the trans flag, or a flag more specific to your gender? 

13. Are physical and/or medical transition important to you? If so or if not and you want to expand, do so!

 14. Are there any nonbinary people you look up to? If so, who? 

15. How do you write “nonbinary”? one word, two words, with a dash? 

16. If you are/were to be someone’s significant other, how would you want to be referred to? Boyfriend, girlfriend, theyfriend, partner, lover, etc? 

17. Are you out in your day-to-day life, just online, just to close friends, etc? 

18. Are there any silly nonbinary stereotypes you embrace? e.g. pride flag stuff, coloured hair, liking plants, cats, whatever else? 

19. Does the word “queer” fit you, do you use it for yourself? 

hanks pal! 😍 it seems like there are two 3s... I'll just answer both 😂

3. Preferred presentation? (ex. masculine, feminine, androgynous, etc.)

Androgynous! 😍

 3. Do you like being called girlfriend, boyfriend, or significant other? (Or other variations)

I like aaaaaaall of the options when it's @paoak talking 😂 I love it when she calls me her girlfriend, her boyfriend or just her little crow. Significant other is sooo cute too 😭 (altho in Spanish we'd say "pareja" which is more like "partner")

For the rest of you, you can just think of me as paoak's gf or significant other 😊

 13. Do you prefer the general transgender flag or the nonbinary one? Or do you not have a preference?

But anyway, I want to get top surgery. I’ve got a big chest, like double to triple Ds. I hate it. It’s made me uncomfortable since puberty (in my mid 20s now). But…I don’t want to get top surgery and be seen as less desirable to queer women. I know that’s stupid because like if someone doesn’t want to be with me just because I don’t have tits that’s probably not the greatest person to be dating, but it’s hard to let that go you know? Feeling rejected still sucks. And i feel like i already don’t have a huge dating pool. So like do i want to limit that more by getting top surgery. And i know i shouldn’t center my life around dating and relationships, but like it’s still on my mind. Some things are easier said than done. And I have trouble with intimacy because of how uncomfortable i am with my chest. I know this is ramble-y. I just have a lot of thoughts and I’m confused. I just, I don’t know, do you have any advice?

And don’t get me started on how anxious I’d be to go back to work after top surgery. Like what do I tell people when I’m going to be gone and what do I say when I get back to work? I live in a conservative area and I don’t even know how to go about that. But like, I still want top surgery.

For starters, there’s no rush on any of this. Take a minute and breathe. Take the time to figure out who you are and what you want. You don’t even have to be non-binary to get top surgery.

I have a small chest that makes me uncomfortable and dysphoric. I can only imagine how it must feel for you with a larger chest. So take a second and push back the anxieties of other people. Think about what it is you want. Do you want boobs at all? Do you want a full top surgery? Or do you want a reduction instead? A reduction will still give you boobs, if that’s what you want, and having them at a smaller size can make it much easier to bind or whatever else that would help you look more masculine. Work through those things before anything else. You are the only one that has to live with you forever.

You are absolutely right that it’s hard to let go of those anxieties. I’m engaged and will most likely be married by the time I get top surgery. I still get anxiety about how my partner may not find me attractive or desirable after it. Even though she reassured me constantly that it won’t happen. That if anything, she will find me more attractive because I will be happier with how I look. That anxiety is still there for me though because I have so many years of rejection by others in various ways.

You are also absolutely right when you said that if someone doesn’t want you because you don’t have tits then they aren’t the best person to be with, but that fear of rejection is real. It may never go away. At some point, you will have to face and work towards accepting that reality; that some people may not want you because you won’t have boobs. Those people aren’t for you. But you can always work to find those who will.

You’re worried about what others will say about you taking the time off work and/or when you go back to work from the surgery? Tell them the truth. Tell them a lie. Tell them whatever you feel like because it is none of their business. In some of the trans groups I’m in on Facebook, I’ve seen so many answers to that very worry of yours. Those answers being anywhere from outrageously funny bullshit to something that’s very serious; like one person said they replied saying something along the lines of losing them in a sword fight to telling the person who asked that they have/had breast cancer and started to “cry.” Others have answered honestly, telling the person that they’re trans or non-binary and didn’t want boobs anymore. It all depends on you and your comfort level with the question.

I’m from a pretty conservative area too. So I understand feeling lost about it all. Do some research. Talk to people online, like you did with me. Look outside of the immediate range of your area. Find something maybe a few hours away that could have more resources.