#trans asks

The issue is that since I've come out as being a trans-man, she just isn't very supportive. She says she's fine with it and she'll correct herself when she messes up my pronouns but she just doesn't give back the same energy I've given her. She's sapphic and I feel like if I transition it'll kill her lesbian dream.

It kills me because we've been together for years and she means the world to me, but I also want to be myself. When I talk about top surgery or going on T she just sort of checks out of the conversation. I don't know what to do and it's breaking my heart.

Hey anon!

Firstly, I wanna say i’m proud of you for coming out and being yourself. It can be terrifying to be honest with ourselves and the people we love.

Im sorry that your partner isn’t supporting you the way that you’d like, especially given your continued support of her transition.

My best advice to you is to give it time. I know this can feel like the last thing you want to do, between wanting to start T and wanting to resolve any issues with your girlfriend.

Think back to when your girlfriend came out to you; your whole perception of this person and your relationship to them has now changed. You still love them, but it’s difficult to not feel a little upset.

Your girlfriend still loves you, she’s just getting used to the way you are now and her relationship to you. If your gender identity is the thing that makes or breaks your relationship, it probably wasn’t meant to last anyway.

I’m happy you get to be yourself, and I hope everything works out for you. Congrats on coming out, good luck!

That's all to say while I'm not necessarily interested in the nsft side of Tumblr etc, I really enjoyed your blog for the messages it sent and you seem like a kind person. You have this brotherly vibe about you, honestly. You may not have been expecting a completely platonic ask but hey, keep doing you man. Have a good time today

Dude this is so sweet :,)

Gonna be a long read here because this is such a nice ask and I have a lot to say.

Honestly part of the reason for the shift in some of my posts is this, like so much of nsft tumblr or even transmasc tumblr in general is so cis focused and it’s super frustrating. And I think I lot of transmasc people feel like the only way they can be attractive is if they either pass 100% as a cis male and are super binary, or basically still look like a women and it’s like “I mean yeah I’m a trans boy but don’t even worry about it I still look like a girl so I still have sexual value!” Like those shouldn’t be the only options to feel attractive or desirable. And they aren’t like that’s not true in real life!

As someone who is a trans adult and is in real world queer spaces people are so varied and there are infinite ways to be attractive. For me I’m really into transmasc people who are very feminine but just because it’s fun and they like it. I personally don’t really care if a guy is on T or has had any surgery, if he’s a guy (or transmasc of some kind) then that’s what he is and I see him that way. And also sometimes the people I’m into don’t fit into that! And that’s ok too! I’ve always been more interested in the person than having any kind of distinct “type”

You should never feel unwanted for being trans, and you shouldn’t feel like it’s just a tolerable part of who you are. It should be part of why you’re desirable! Your trans masculinity is sexy and cool! And if wider cis society can’t see that fuck em’ it’s not your job to make them comfortable. Embrace being a little freak in the best way possible. Having the ability to create who you are is admirable and beautiful.

I’m really glad that I can be someone you can look to and feel better about your own future. I hope you can get out of the unsafe situation you’re in <3 feel free to reach out if you ever need any kind of advice.

Hey there! I think this is common for a lot of people wanting to start T based on what I’ve seen, so you’re definitely not alone! For me personally bottom growth was a huge selling point because that area is the biggest point of dysphoria for me.

I’m gonna get a really personal here as I share my experiences, but when have I not gotten personal on this blog 😂 I’ve never in my life enjoyed penetration. And I don’t just mean I’ve always had trouble enjoying it, I mean I’ve always hated it so much that I’ve never even fully tried it. As a teen I tried fingering myself one time, and literally two seconds later I was like nope nope nope nuh uh NOPE. And never again has anything ever been in there. I just knew from early on that it wasn’t right for me and so I’ve always disassociated from that part of my body and pretended like it didn’t exist - as I still do today. I could only experience pleasure if I imagined I had a penis, and this is something that I’ve experienced literally from the very beginning of puberty. It’s all I’ve ever known. It’s like my brain tells me I’m supposed to have one, like it’s just so wired in me. How did I not know I was a trans guy? Beats me…I thought this was a common experience for girls and everyone just wished they had a penis 😂😅

Because of this mental disconnect from that part of my body, everything involving sex was a huge struggle for me. I could only use toys during solo times because it was easier to convince myself that way and actually touching myself would remind me that it wasn’t real. And when it came to sex with another person I never received, only gave. I had accepted that I’d never get to experience sex like people usually do, and I had made my peace with it.

So when I was discovering myself and doing research on testosterone and how it changed that area, I was shocked. I was like, is this real? Could this really happen? And it has really changed my life. I’m able to connect with my body in a way where before there was such this huge disconnect. I still struggle with dysphoria and sex, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was before. Eventually I want to get bottom surgery - currently leaning way more towards metoidioplasty — as I know that’s going to make it even better. But for now, bottom growth has really been one of the best things that has ever happened to me, and I’m not as pissed off at the world 😂 Don’t get me wrong, I still envy cis guys and get pissed off about it sometimes, but now it’s only occasionally instead of 24/7 lol

So, it can definitely be pretty awesome. Especially if you’ve always wanted to have at least something down there. But if that’s not you, it’s really not that different because it won’t be huge you know? It all depends on your perspective. But I will say, you definitely do experience random boners, especially in like the first year. Of course nobody will be able to see it, but you can definitely feel it, and it can get very distracting and annoying. But over time it calms down more. That and having to wear boxers now are the main things I’ve had to get used to. And keeping it clean like uncircumcised cis guys do.

i tell myself, and I'm 99.9% sure I believe, that those individuals are truly [that gender]. But somewhere in my brain just goes "nope. no attraction today" .

assuming that i actually am attracted to [aforementioned gender],

is that transphobic?

Hi, friend

So I will be honest with you and give two sides of this perspective

Personal feelings:

As a gay, trans man this is something that I’ve struggled with in the past. The idea that gay men won’t see me as a ‘real man’ and that bi men will see me as a ‘two for one deal’(or something like that). It’s something that I’ve internalized that I’m working on. It’s not helped by the fact that I’ve never dated anyone. This makes me feel othered. “Not man enough for the gay men, but a dream for the bi men”.

Outside perspective:

It is one hundred percent, perfectly, *perfectly* fine to not find a trans person attractive. People have the right to have genital preferences. People have the right to date who they want to date. Especially if the person is queer. I’m sure there are lesbians that would only date cis women and ,like I said, there are gay men that would only date cis men. And straight people, as long as they’re allies, deserve this same respect. Or bi people. Or pan people. Or however else someone were to identify. I don’t think this makes someone a bad person, truly. There’s almost a pushback, or rather there is, of people who say they wouldn’t date a trans person. But that doesn’t inherently make that person transphobic.

Third thing, as for what you’ve said here:

You said that you’re an ally. That you respect the trans community. That you see us as the gender we identify with. How could that be transphobic? Your support is what we need. If you feel like you couldn’t be attracted to a trans person, you wouldn’t want to date a trans person, or you wouldn’t want to sleep with a trans person that’s one hundred percent okay. Like I said, this doesn’t make you transphobic. There’s actually people who are t4t, trans people who would only date trans people. And if cis people can’t have this same right it’s honestly hypocritical. So no, this doesn’t make you transphobic, in my opinion.

Would It be considered offensive if I make one of my OC's (who is a trans woman) a villian? For some context of the character: She's a scientist character (usually involving the human body and experimentation), She is NOT in anyway a s3xual predator/doesn't do any non consensual s3xual activity (I feel like I have to specify that and the character is asexual), she fits the psychopathic character archetype, she is married to a woman (who fits the sociopath and femme fatale archetype), and she transitions in her early 20's.

I've seen posts that demonize trans women (specifically from terfs) and I don't want to make it seem that trans women are in any form criminals. I have other characters that aren't cis and I again want to make sure that this character doesn't cause problems or offend anyone.