#nomorph

but then I shift in the freezer aisle of the grocery store and start stalking around like a tiger in its too-small enclosure with only some grass, a rock to sun itself on and a pool with a beach ball -

aka what the FUCK am I?

hissing in response to a flashback or any kind of humiliating/otherwise traumatic memory or stimuli

in the same situation, curling my fingers into claws and swiping

darkness, reading/watching anything horror-related triggers a mental shift. whatever this being is, it speaks in poetry and frequently uses violent imagery

seeing a "potential threat" - here meaning fictional characters like the Joker (Dark Knight) and Tommy Shelby (Peaky Blinders) on TV - causes compulsive hissing/snarling, rocking back and forth, curling and extending my fingers, shaking my head, grimacing and skulking

certain music and lyrics trigger a similar reaction - nine inch nails in particular

cravings for blood/raw meat

shifts triggered by severe thunderstorms

shifts triggered by playing/interacting with my dog

Call me Rain. Call me Jack. Call me Samantha. If you want to call me something else, I don't care. Do what makes you happy.

27. Virgo sun. Aquarius moon.

At the moment, I consider myself to be genderfucked. He/him. She/her. It/its.

Bisexual. Aromantic.

I've been on the fringes of the alterhuman community for years, flitting from one identity to another like some desperate hummingbird. Restless. I'm simply not human. Maybe someday I'll know what that means.

This blog serves two purposes. One: it's a place to gather/share information regarding alterhumanity. Two: it's a form of self-expression.

Talk to me about music, poetry and my/your ongoing existential crisis. I love David Bowie.

from angelkin to demonkin to wolf to coyote to painted dog

to starseed to this experience of daemonism

and mentally shifting into these ancient-sounding beings and feeling absolutely predatorial

and when I get some flicker of a traumatic memory I hiss

my hands curl into claws

and I have no control over it at all -

to hyena to Raphael to Azrael to Joker to Crow to some spirit of death (skeleton and human heart hidden under black cloak and a wolf skull with antlers) to a green-haired god with two faces, one beneath the other

and the hidden face has a collection of beautiful violet and emerald eyes where the mouth should be and atop his head is a spindly black crown -

to be some amalgamation of a thousand terrible, beautiful things -

I have been Kurt Cobain and I've been Bukowski and I've morphed into every fictional character that ever meant anything to me and

I am all these things

and none of them. I am light and shadow on the wall as a car passes. Nothing ever stays. I am drawn like star and dark matter into a black hole. It begins and ends the same -