#no31

Not to mention absolutely nothing went to plan. He hadn’t expected the young fae or that he would leave them behind just to save himself.

He hadn't expected the lost puppy of a human to continue trailing after him either. 

They're still alive in every way that counts, even if they are fading quickly. They breathe, they eat, they sleep and respond to Aed when he prompts them.

Their mind, however, hasn't shown any signs of returning. Of course they'll do what he asks of them, even if it's not a command. Their body will react if he jabs or caresses them. 

They'd just stopped wanting things. They wanted to be near him, to please him and to no longer be hurt but they never asked anything of him. They never did anything for themselves. 

It was his own fault, really. No one was meant to be kept compelled for long stretches of time and they had been for almost a year. They were a monster of his own making, which is why he stuck by them and tried to heal them, even though he knew they were doomed.

He could have easily abandoned them, they weren't in much of a state to pursue him and they were dying anyways but he couldn’t bring himself to do that to them after all the pain he'd caused them. They deserved to at least die as themselves, not a hollowed shell.

He was so lost in his own guilt, he nearly missed the screams. 

The most alive Ryan ever seemed was when they were asleep. They were still plagued by night terrors, screaming and crying almost every night. 

Aed tried to wake them, and frankly he'd succeeded but not in alleviating their terror. He'd only added to it. 

They pushed him away with all their strength and scrambled backwards, pressing themself against a tree trunk.

"Get off of me!"

"I'm over here."

"Stop touching me!"

"I'm not."

Their voice was trembling now. "I can feel your hands, I can feel you on me."

"I'm all the way over here, see?" He tried.

"Leave me alone!"

They weren't calming. One thing left to try.

"Use my name."

"But-"

"Use my name."

"AED, stay over there and don't touch me."

Very little changed as he hadn't been attempting either, but his limbs still stiffened accordingly.

They tried to avoid using names now, when they'd been such a cause of pain and control, but sometimes it was the only way Ryan could gain enough control over him that they felt safe.

Their breathing gradually slowed as they calmed and the compulsion faded. Their harsh breaths faded into quiet sobs. 

Aed just sat there with them. He couldn’t be the monster in their nightmares and their savior, so he didn’t try to be. He gave them what they asked of him, mostly to avoid the guilt. He never initiated anything but he endured whatever they gave him.

They'd certainly earned that right. 

They were the only reason they'd managed to escape.

"Which night?" He finally asks.

"The bad one," is all they can manage. 

They don't need to go further, he knows which one they refer to. They both prefer to talk around it, not call it rape. 

Names are powerful. You name the monster, and suddenly it's real. 

Or perhaps Aed is just too much of a coward to deal with the fact that the human he's trying so hard to save has nightmares about him.

He's unsure what to say. An "I'm sorry" is far too trivial for what's transpired between them but he offers it all the same. 

They take it. There's no mention of forgiveness because they both know it's pointless.

He's surprised though, when the command comes.

"AED, hold me."

His body follows suit, even though he would have obliged their request either way. 

Still they prefer physical contact like this, where they hold all the power and he has none. He can’t blame them, and he's almost glad for there to be something he can actually provide, so he holds them long past the compulsion, for as long as they wish.

And when the tears come, he lets them and he holds them through it.

When the door had next opened he wasn’t disappointed. His eyesight may not have been clear but he could recognise the grey and pink blur that entered. 

“Mom?” He hadn’t intended on it being a croak, but his throat was feeling just as rough as the rest of him. 

With a heavy sigh, she sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to him, “Jeff.” 

A lump swelled in his throat as he shook his head, words tumbling out before he could stop or think about them, “I’m sorry, I didn’t plan on any of this happening Mom. An-- and I didn’t think… you-- maybe-- I didn’t know if I’d ever get to come home.”

Another huff of breath from her, a blur of movement, a shake of her head he thinks. She shifted on the bed, reaching out and pulling him in. 

Blinking hard against the dampness in his eyes, he shook his head against his mother’s shoulder, “The boys-- I need to say sorry, I should never have-- they shouldn’t have had to--”

“Hush son,” Sally murmured, her hand rubbing his back, taking his back to a time so long ago he wasn’t sure the memory was real.

“It doesn’t matter now,” She told him, “They’ll just be glad to see you home.”