Chapter Seven: Hell is Forever
“Okay, so, Charlie and Quasi are dealing with something very important, so while they’re gone, we are making a new commercial. One that represents the hotels vision and what we're doing here. So, we need a camera…Alastor?” Vaggie said glaring at the radio demon. Alastor snapped his finger conjuring up a camera for Vaggie; however, the camera was an old fashioned folding-camera from the 1930s.
“A video camera?” Vaggie said annoyed. “Hmmm.” Alastor snaps his finger and conjures up a video camera that's poorly made with pieces of tape keeping it together. “Alright! Let's do this!”
Vaggie switched on the camera pointing it towards the bar as she hit record. Husk sat behind the counter reading a script in his claws with Angel Dust at the opposite counter. “And…Action!” Husk carefully read the lines on his script, bringing the script closer to his face. “Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel. Can I help with anything?" He read
Angel hopped up on the bar top. "I've been a bad boy, and I need a big, strong daddy to put me in my place…on the path to redemption!" Husk groaned with annoyed and read the script again. "Well, you come— Oh, yes!" Angel Dust fake moaned.
Board Husk finished his line. - "to the right place." Vaggie stopped recording. Annoyed. “Cut! Okay, Angel, I need you to be less horny if possible, and Husk, can you maybe not have a script in front of your face.”
“I ain't no actor! I can't memorize this shit!” Husk said annoyed. “Well, we could improv this shit, baby cakes.” Angel said getting closer to Husk's face.
“Rrawwr.” Said Angel purring seductively. Husk irritated shoves Angel off of the counter hard. “Whoops.”
”Husk, come on.” Vaggie said annoyed.
Meanwhile back in the heaven embassy both quasi and Charlie sat listening to the Angel leader talk… and boy did he talk. “So, I was playin' this gig, and for some fuckin' reason, this virtue chick was diggin' on the drummer, and it's like, "do you know who I am? I'm fuckin' Adam. I'm the original dick! All dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick?”
“ No way! I'm the Dick-fuckin' master!” The angel paused eating more of his ribs “So, anyway, then we fucked, and it was awesome. What'd you do this weekend?”
“Wait, your name is Adam? Like the first man Adam, that means you…Oh….That explains so much.” Charlie said cringing. “Yeah I’ll say quasi muttered quiet enough so that Adam wouldn’t hear him. He hadn’t expected “The” Adam to be an angel much less a disgusting person.
It was no wonder his stepmother Lilith left him. He was condescending, vulgar and just plain annoying. And yet it made sense. “Perhaps angels aren’t what I thought they were after all.”
“I know. I Know. I fucking rock. “
Adam said. Charlie brushed off the awkwardness from Adam and gets to subject at hand. “Well, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam, sir.
“Call me, Dickmaster.”
“How about no.” Quasi coughed. Adam glanced in his direction quasi sat in the corner tapping his feet whistling as if he’d never spoken the entire time in this meeting. Charlie looked at her brother pleading for him to be patient. “You seem like a smart …well, stand up guy.”
“Uh-huh.” Adam said picking at his teeth. “And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary. A— A genius!” Charlie said clearly stroking Adam’s ego in order to get through to him.
“I mean, your words, babe.”
“Who would really love to put his name on something.”
“Fucking love putting my name on shit! Shit's the best!”
“It's a solution to our biggest problem!” Charlie said. “Oh, Herpes. Yeah, that's a bitch.” Charlie sighed. “No!”
“Our... other biggest problem.” Charlie said. “Oh…uh..ugly people?”
“Uh hello? I’m right here.” Quasi said annoyed as Adam Ranted on. “Math? Global Warming? Nah, wait, that's Earth's problem Ummm”...Charlie and quasi exchanged glances realizing that this might be a long meeting.
Back at the hotel Vaggie was still trying to get everyone to focus on their scenes for the new commercial. However not everyone was paying attention or cared. “Stab! Stab! Stab!”
Nifty shouted gleefully as she tried to kill a roach with a sewing needle. However before she could land the killing blow Vaggi interrupted her. “Alright Niffty, Niffty. Niffty! Your line is "We have the cleanest rooms", okay?”
“Got it. I'm ready.” Nifty said smiling a sharp toothed smile. Vaggie turned the camera to Niffty. “Action!”
However instead of saying her line, Niffty freezes and stares blankly into the camera without blinking. Vaggie turns of the camera looking puzzled. Angel peers in backing away clearly creeped out.
“Uhh, cut.” Vaggie says. Whatever trance Nifty had been in seemed to disappear as she snaps out of it back to her cheerful self. “How was that?” Nifty said giggling. “Well, Niffty you actually have to say the line, so let's roll again.”
“Ok!” “Action!” However the same thing happens again and Niffty freezes, leaving Vaggie irritated. “You're doing great, Vagina.” Angel said mocking her.
“Cut! Alright, uhh maybe we can try to fix it in post.” Vaggie said frustrated. “Do you even know what that means?” “I'll figure it out!” Vaggie snapped as she stormed off.
Vaggie groaned aggravated as she looked through the footage. This shit was terrible! There was no way she could salvage any of this before Charlie got home. She was beginning to think it was all hopeless. “Seems like you're having a bit of a trouble there, hmm?”
Alastor said appearing out of thin air. “Ugh, este pendejo ( Spanish for this asshole)... Why are you even here?” Vaggie cursed. Alastor took a seat on the couch across from her. “Why for the entertainment.”
Alastor’s shadow appeared behind him on the wall laughing at vaggi. “I came here because I love seeing wasteful souls struggle to accomplish something meaningful and fail spectacularly, like you are doing now. Good job!” Vaggie stood up. She was getting tired of Alastor’s crap. She turns her camera toward him.
“-And here is Alastor, the egocentric piece of shit that”— however as Vaggie panned the camera up to Alastor's face, the video camera glitched violently from green to red causing Vaggie to freak out and drop the camera on the floor.
“I wouldn't try that, my dear.”Alastor Said pointing at his face. “This face was made for radio.” Alastor said menacingly as his pupils turned into the shape of radio dials, and the world around them seemed to warp before returning to normal. That’s it! She’d had it with Alastor's insults.
“That's it. I don't care who or what you are. If you're staying here, you're going to make this work, because it won't be so "entertaining” to watch over an empty hotel, will it, shitass?” Vaggie swore as she returned to her chair.
“Fair enough. I'll tell you what. Let's make a deal.” Vaggie scoffed. “Pfft, you think I'm that stupid making a deal with a demon like you?” Alistor laughed.
“Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again.” Vaggie had second thoughts about letting Alastor do the work for her… but what choice did she have.
“Or…Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing. Your choice.” Vaggie glances away for a brief moment before making her decision. “Fine.” Vaggie picks up the camera and gives it to Alastor, which he evaporates it with a clap of his hand.
“Now then!” Alastor snaps his finger and transforms the hotel into a film set and the hotel staff into a 50s style film crew. Ink demons are conjured up as additional background characters. “Alright everyone, let's make a fucking commercial.”
-“When you take her out for the fifth time and she still expects you to pay the check but you're like, Hey, I thought you wanted equality." Adam says in a high pitched voice. “NO! our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell!” Charlie shouted exhausted.
Adam frowned then laughed. “Ohh, well that's not a problem! We got that covered!” Adam said turning to the angel in black and white armor. “Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?”
“Got a good 275 this year, sir.”
“275? Woah! Badass! Awesome job, danger tits! Pound it.”
Quasi glared at Adam eyes glowing red. “Wow this guy is a sexist piece of trash how’d this guy even get into heaven.” Quasi thought to himself. “Can I please beat him up now. He’s starting to get on my nerves, the prince said annoyed.”
“Keep it together.” Charlie whispered. Quasi huffed. “Fine.” Charlie turned her attention to Adam and Lute.
“Uh no, not awesome. Those are my people, you know that right?” Adam frowned. “Oh yeah… that must suck for you!” Adam said bursting into laughter.
Quasi glared at furiously nails turning into sharp black claws as they tore into the metal table with ease. “But these are souls...Humans souls just the same as the ones you have up in heaven.” Charlie pleaded.“They're not the same.” Lute said rather coldly.
“They had their chance and they earned damnation.” Charlie shook her head. “You're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.”
“Angels don't make mistakes.” Lute said glaring at her. Quasi stepped in front of his sister. “You really think that.” Lute glared at him.
“I know that. Lute said. “Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fuckin' life.” Adam said. “I doubt that.”
Quasi said laughing. “The only reason you're still here is because daddy gave you and your hellborn kind a pardon from an exorcist blade. How does that feel, to know how little you matter?” Quasi glared at her. “Except I’m not hell born I’m an Angel.” He said unfurling his wings.
“I know what you are, Halfbreed that doesn’t change the what you are. You’re abomination, a bastard! You’re nothing more than a mistake! And your father… he’s no longer one of us.”Quasi growled. Fallen or not my father will always be a better angel than any of you!”
Adam yawned board by the scene and just wanting to get the meeting over with. “Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it.” Quasi was about to loose his temper and yell at Adam that they were done but Charlie disrupted the awkward tension.
“Oh fuck!” Charlie summoned a stack of papers. “Oh no.” Quasi thought with dread. “Charlie don’t. Please don’t.” He prayed silently however his wishes went unheard.
“Okay I've got a lot to get through and not a lot of time and I feel like you weren't hearing me before so here it goes.”
Charlie: ♫ I know Hell’s population is out of control. ♫
♫ It's a bad situation. ♫
♫ It's taking a toll. ♫
♫ If we rehab these sinners . ♫ A
♫ And cleanse all their souls. ♫
♫ At my Hazbin Hotel—♫
[Charlie sang as she shifted through the stacks of paper to get something.
Charlie: “Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!”
♫ Right! Extermination ! ♫
♫ I know you guys fly down. ♫
♫ Just to kill once a year. ♫
“Charlie”
♫ And it must be annoying. ♫
♫ To schlep all the way here. ♫
♫ If they join you in Heaven. ♫
♫ That trip disappears! ♫
♫ You can wave that chore farewell. ♫ Charlie sang taking a deep breath as she held up a drawing of angels and demons holding hands.
♫ It'll be a happy day in— Let me stop you right there. ♫ Adam sang. Charlie: Oh—Okay.
Adam: ♫ Save us all precious time. ♫
Adam: ♫ If what you're suggesting. ♫ ♫ Is letting them climb. ♫ ♫ Up the ladder. ♫ ♫ Oh, they'd rather cross the Pearly Gate? ♫
Charlie: “Well, uh—♫ Sorry, sweetie. But there's no defyin' their fates! ♫ ♫ 'Cause Hell is forever. ♫
♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫
♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫
♫ Now they boil in the pot. ♫
♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫
♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫
♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫ ♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫
Charlie: Okay, but—
Adam: ♫ Just try to chillax, babe. ♫ ♫ You're wasting your breath. ♫ Charlie: Hehe...
Adam: ♫ Did I hear you imply. ♫ ♫ That they don't deserve death?
♫ Are they Winners? ♫
♫ Are they Sinners? ♫
♫ 'Cause it's cut and dry. ♫
Charlie: “Well, actually, if you take a look—♫ Fair is fair, an eye for an eye! ♫ Adam said flying up to the ceiling.
♫ And when all's said and done (Said and done) ♫
♫ There's the question of fun (Fun) ♫
♫ And for those of us with Divine Ordainment. ♫ “please tell me he’s not going to say what I think he’s going to say?”
♫ Extermination is entertainment! ♫
“And… he said it.” Quasi couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This guy didn’t care about anyone but himself. He enjoyed the suffering of others. Not all sinners were bad… Angel was nice to him… sometimes.
♫ Bow-now-now-nownow ♫ ♫ Guitar solo, fuck yeah! ♫ Adam sang. “And now he’s playing air guitar course he is god this guys annoying.”
Adam finished his guitar solo as he started to sing again. ♫ Hell is forever. ♫
♫ Whether you like it or not. ♫
♫ Had their chance to behave better. ♫
[Four golden mirages of Exorcists appeared from the walls surrounding him and Charlie from all sides. Charlie: “Where the hell did you people come from?!” Charlie shouted. Quasi jumped in front of her knocking the golden Angels back with a sweep of his wings.
♫ -Now they boil in the pot. ♫
♫ 'Cause the rules are black and white. ♫
♫ There's no use in tryin' to fight it. ♫
♫ They're burnin' for their lives. ♫
♫ Until we kill 'em again! ♫ Adam sang summoning an actual guitar this time.
♫ Fuckin' Hell's forever. ♫
♫ And it's meant to suck a lot. ♫
♫ So give up your dumb endeavor. ♫
♫ 'Cause you don't have a shot♫
Quasi growled barring sharp pointed teeth, wings spread blood red eyes filled with hatred. However he wasn’t the only one who got angry. Charlie transformed into her demonic form as well glaring at Adam.
♫ Long as I've got your attention.♫
♫ I guess I should probably mention. ♫
♫ That we made the determination. ♫ Adam said holding up a gold scroll in front of Quasi’s face that read “Fuck you I do what a want.”
♫ To move up the next Extermination! ♫ “w-what but you can’t- What?!” Charlie said shocked. ♫ Can't wait a whole year. ♫
♫ To slaughter those little cunts.♫
♫ I know it's just been a week. ♫
♫ But we'll be back in six months! ♫
Despite being a hologram, Adam grabs Charlie and Quasi’s wrist and throws them right out of the door. “Um, wait, you-you… Adam slams the door in her face. -Ugh, SHIT!”
Charlie rested her head against the door tears in her eyes. “Don’t worry sis I’ll take it from here. I’m going to have a little talk with Adam.” He growled as he pushed the door open and shut it behind him.
“What the fuck!” Adam said startled when the door flew open. “Listen here you pompous ass my sisters worked really hard on this and I’m not about to let someone like you destroy everything she’s worked for.”
“Oh really what are you going to do about it… freak.” Quasi glared at him. “You forget who you’re talking to… I’m the prince of hell.” Adam scoffed. “Oh please, no one in hell actually takes your family seriously.”
“They might not now… but they will… when I stop you.” Adam laughed. “Heh, sure you will. Tell me… do you really want a war with heaven?” Quasi hesitated.
“He’s right. Your people will just suffer more if you try to fight back. Do you really want to put your people through that?” Lute said. “N-no I… Quasi felt suddenly felt small and helpless like when he was a child. The angels eyes felt like daggers.
“Give up. It’s better this way- No!” Quasi shouted shoving the exorcist angel away. “I’m not going to give up on my people I’ll show you you’re wrong!” Quasi stormed out of the room.
Charlie looked up at him shocked and confused. “Come on Charlie… let’s go home.” As They walked back in Silence to the hotel quasi thought about his conversation with Adam. What had he been thinking challenging a powerful angel like Adam. “You didn’t challenge him. You just… lost your fucking temper.” A small voice said In the back of his mind.
Technically this was the first time he’d ever sworn today considering how he’d yelled at that flasher demon or how he’d talked to Adam. He never would have cursed back home. He’d only been here two days and it already felt like hell was changing him. His powers seemed far more demonic than angelic…”I guess that’s what happens when your father’s a fallen angel and the king of hell.” Said the small voice again.
“When angel falls to hell their power changes your a nephilim, half angel half human. Your father is fallen and your fallen and there's nothing you can do to change that.” The voice almost sounded like… like “him.” Quasi shuddered. “He’s not here. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
Quasi sighed. “I hope I know what I’m doing.” ******************************************
When They got back to the hotel Vaggie was waiting for them. “How did it go, did they listen?” Charlie smiled nervously. “Oh, they sure did… hear it But-Oh come here, we have something exciting to show you.” Vaggie said pulling them both over to the couch.
“Alastor pulled some strings and it's about to air.” Vaggie said excitedly. “I pulled a few limbs too, hahaha!” Alastor laughed. “Wait, the commercial? You all made a new one?”
Quasi smiled happy for his sister. “Yeah, one of my better performances if I do say so myself.” Angle bragged. Charlie smiled tears in her eyes. “That's... that's amazing.”
“Sshh, it's starting.” Angel said excited. Vaggie stood in the center of the group in a dress while Alastor hid in the corner of the screen. “Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel… suddenly the tv cuts to the news. Everyone except Alastor and Niffty get annoyed and complain. “Breaking news in Hell today! We have just received word from the Heaven Embassy that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before.” The news woman said. “Do you know what that means, Tom?” “No, what does that mean, Katie?” “It means we're all royally fucked!” She says her eye twitching. The screen switches showing the clock as the time on the Clock Tower reduces to 176 days till the next Extermination. “Wait, what? Why?!” Angel says confused. “Shit… this is bad.” Quasi thinks to himself. Far away from the hotel a drone scours the area until it finds a dead Exorcist corpse with its head missing. The drone scans the corpse. Sending images back to Adam and Lute at the heaven embassy. “We found the body, sir. They've never managed to kill one of us before.” “We should just go down there now and destroy them!” Lute snapped. “No, no. We can't risk them catching on. But, don't worry, when we come back, there won't be a demon left alive to pull a stunt like this again!”
