@hollowhearts-aoife / shake it out by florence & the machine
Thao wasn't sure that vampires could have panic attacks, considering the lack of needing to breathe, and yet here she was, in the darkness of Port Leiry, hunched over and struggling to catch a breath she didn't need.
She was muttering under her breath, only the odd word being truly audible, "been a fool," she gasped, "been blind... no way." Hand clutched to her chest, nails digging into the flesh as she attempted to ground herself by feeling anything, anything other than the panic rising in her throat. She had been a fool to think that she could leave the past behind, that she wouldn't always be dragging her baggage behind her, the metaphorical body of Skinner hitting every rock and bump in the road, threatening to get caught and pull her back down every time. If it wasn't learning new information she could have lived without, it was being recognised for what she did when she was under his control. Now? Now it was knowing that pieces of him still existed all over town, pieces that hadn't been excised when he got what he deserved, and when she had her last choice in human life taken away from her.
"Damned if I do, damned if I don't." Thao whimpered, knowing that she had to deal with this, with Birdie, and that she would likely find something she wouldn't like. She also knew that if she didn't deal with it, the weight of it all would sit on her chest every single day, knowing that parts of him, no matter how small, still existed in the town he'd ravaged. "I can't breathe." She choked out, the shadow of the other towering over her, "H-Help me, please."
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Grace's eyes followed Zeno as he paced back and forth from wall to wall. She's seen something similar from her mother, but it definitely wasn't to this extent. And not for this amount of time either. Whether this is just from her learning to read people, or if it's plainly that obvious; he's pissed.
Her chest was quickly tightening, breathing picking up its own pace to nearly match Zeno's, her body was starting to harshly tremble, and her hands tightly gripped to the part of her shirt that covered her abdomen. She knows exactly what's coming onto her as she continued to watch.
The supposed key to whatever Elpis is, was too afraid to ask why Zeno was so angry. Was it because Victor was taking too long? Was there something she had done while they walked around the hollow remains of Raccoon City that struck a cord? Had she crossed a line she didn't even knew existed?
Whatever the reason for this bout of rage that would inevitably erupt, Grace started feeling regret about leaving Leon behind. It feels like now her life is in danger and she's got no where to turn to.
The rage that flows through Zeno burns almost as hot as the virus in his blood, pure and savage like the animal fury hidden behind his sunglasses as he glares down at the phone in his hand. Victor's not answering and that can only mean one thing; the good doctor had failed in his mission to waylay a certain Leon S. Kennedy, even with the extra arms and pack of Garmr he'd lent to ensure the agent's death.
Another message fails to go through, taunting Zeno further with the undeniable truth. Of course, of course Leon had survived. Why wouldn't he after everything else that had been thrown in his path? Zeno can't help but snort in disgust, the clone almost wearing a path over the ruined asphalt and dust with how aggressive his pacing was becoming.
So much so that he's almost forgotten he's not alone. Grace was still lingering close by, watching him with frightened eyes. Her hands grip the soiled, bloody shirt that has seen better days, chest heaving like an animal caught in a snare. It's only when her breathing rate hits fever pitch does Zeno slow in his motions, suddenly aware of the smell of fear emanating from his charge. Grace was afraid. Downright terrified actually if that frantic heartbeat was anything to go by, her delicate heart hammering against her frail ribcage as she fights off what's likely another panic attack.
Was she... was she afraid of him?? Zeno didn't think he gave the impression off that he was angry at her. So far she'd been the only one not to mess up, managing to stay alive, be there with him where she was supposed to be. The thought is a shocking one as he pointedly tries not to look her way, redirecting his attention somewhere in the distance.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Zeno's own chest heaves with the exertion of forcing himself to calm when he felt anything but but Grace's terror compels him to try, the clone slowing down as his hunched shoulders sag. Sharp golden eyes dim behind the darkness of his sunglasses and after a minute or two his pacing crawls to a stop, landing a respectable distance between himself and that of the younger Ashcroft.
His eyes stay low to the ground. Chastised. Ashamed to have lost composure the way he had. Of making her afraid of him.
"I don't believe Victor is coming anytime soon, Grace. Please accept my... apologies for my untoward behaviour. It is not usual for me to lose my composure like that."
His words are quiet. Just loud enough to be heard over the ill wind blowing over the city. He can't blame her for her fear, just the circumstances that have led up to this point and the fact that Leon could catch up to them at any moment depending on how Victor had fumbled this one task. Why Leon could just die was becoming more of a concern every passing hour.
Grace's eyes followed Zeno as he paced back and forth from wall to wall. She's seen something similar from her mother, but it definitely wasn't to this extent. And not for this amount of time either. Whether this is just from her learning to read people, or if it's plainly that obvious; he's pissed.
Her chest was quickly tightening, breathing picking up its own pace to nearly match Zeno's, her body was starting to harshly tremble, and her hands tightly gripped to the part of her shirt that covered her abdomen. She knows exactly what's coming onto her as she continued to watch.
The supposed key to whatever Elpis is, was too afraid to ask why Zeno was so angry. Was it because Victor was taking too long? Was there something she had done while they walked around the hollow remains of Raccoon City that struck a cord? Had she crossed a line she didn't even knew existed?
Whatever the reason for this bout of rage that would inevitably erupt, Grace started feeling regret about leaving Leon behind. It feels like now her life is in danger and she's got no where to turn to.
@thenexusofsouls (from Marie, to Robby) Even More Exhaustion Memes: "Alright, I have you. Close your eyes, and take a deep, calm breath."
@thenexusofsouls
Robby really needed to find better places to have breakdowns. Last time it had been Whitaker walking in on him during the Pittfest emergency. Now it was Marie who had walked in on him in one of the side rooms, lights off, on the floor with his hands over his head. He'd been sobbing for a good few minutes, his chest feeling like he couldn't get in any air. He hadn't even noticed her coming in until her voice broke through the haze, his body trembling as he tried his hardest to take in a breath. He struggled, the breath catching, stuck in his throat before turning into a sobbing whimper.
TW: Panic attack, emetophobia (vomit,) hallucinations and general mentions of mental unwellness.
... YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS LIKE! ,,
Sybil's voice trembles as she screams from inside her room. Her hands were pushed over her ears, the voices were getting louder again.
"This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been so curious." "You foolish girl, you doomed the world." "They will die because of you."
A shaking breath, and she shakes her head, pushing her forehead into the couch as she knelt on the floor.
... NO! ,,
She feels bile rising through her throat, but she swallows. Again, and again, hoping it would stay down. She couldn't lose any weight, she had no food left. They were getting louder. People in her apartment, no, the theory of people were there, looming over her, looking at her, eyes littering their bodies as if they were rocks in snow.
"Damn girl, you have doomed your friends." "They know nothing of the Visitor without you." "You failed, Sybil, you stupid girl." "Look at yourself, girl. You look pathetic, look." "Look at her cry."
Sybil can't keep it down anymore, she tugs her own hair as she vomits on the floor, feeling whatever she had eaten leave her. Just like that. Pathetic, pathetic, stupid girl. Damned girl, she was. Once it was all up, she sobs, shoving her face into the couch, sobbing. It hurt, her throat burned from the left over bile. But she couldn't stop. Feelers were starting to grow along her hair, and she grips strands of hair and pulls, sobbing louder. This wasn't happening, she couldn't lose herself.
... Sybil? ,,
She snaps her head up, looking towards the hole in the wall. She knew that voice, it was Sam.
... Sam- I'm sorry... I didn't think you were home. ,,
... It's the early morning, Sybs. I'm going to come over, okay? Don't protest. I'm going to help, okay? You'll be okay. ,,
And before she could tell him to leave her to her own pathetic devices, she heard the shuffling of footsteps. Was it really that early...? She couldn't tell, time was blurring together for her anymore due to her lack of sleep...
It only took him a minute or two to arrive, and since he still had her apartment key, (she let him keep it of course, just in case,) he lets himself in.
Sam pales at the sight. There was vomit on the floor and down Sybil's shirt, and a teary eyed girl who looks like she's seen hell. She looks up at Sam, no fear in her eyes, just a sadness that was clearly eating her from the inside. Her limbs shook, and he strides forward, pushing her hair over her shoulders as he kneels down, careful not to step in the chunks left on the floor.
... Hey. You're alright... let me clean up. I'll help you clean up too. Do you have any spare shirts? ,,
She nods, and before she can say anything else, Sam was gently pushing his arms around her. She adjusts so he can carry her, and she frowns.
... I'm going to get puke on your shirt- ,,
Sam shushes her, leaning his forehead into hers.
... I don't mind. Not when it's you. Oh, Sybil... you're still shaking. It's okay. ,,
Sybil shudders, hugging onto him and hiding in his hold. He carries her to the bathroom, starting to run a bath for her.
... Will you be okay in here for a minute while I clean? I'll bring you a new shirt too. ,,
She nods, eyes downcast. He hums in affirmation, setting her on the closed toilet and pushing a hand through her hair, sighing in worry. He really wished she would live in his apartment instead, but at the same time, he understood why. She was incredibly anti-social, she didn't like leaving her room... from what it sounded like, this was new for her as well. She watches the bath run, and she decides to help herself a little. She leans over, feeling the water.
... I'll get in while you're cleaning. Thank you, Sam. ,,
Sybil sighs, leaned back in the bath as she relaxed. This was the most relaxation she'd felt in weeks, and she sank down into the water more as Sam comes in, covering herself... but she giggles as she notices he was navigating with a hand over his eyes, bumping gently into the counter.
... Uff- shirt delivery. Uh... ,,
He places the shirt down on the counter, patting it with a smile. He hears Sybil giggle again, and this calms his nerves a little. He just didn't want to barge in on her! Her dignity had already taken a blow, he wasn't going to take peaks of a body he wasn't allowed to see. He was a gentleman.
... My hero. Thank you... I might need help out of the bathroom in a minute anyways, my legs feel numb. I... fell earlier and got stuck. You're a heavy sleeper for that apparently. I should be able to make it to the door at the least though... ,,
Sam worriedly grimaces, and he holds up a hand before backing out of the bathroom, closing the door and uncovering his eyes.
... Did you? Are they bruised? ,,
... My knees, but they'll be alright. I can still crawl around my apartment if I need to. ,,
They both fall silent for a minute, and Sybil breaks that silence with her own worries, the words of whatever those figures had been saying to her wormed back into her tired mind.
... Do you... think I'm foolish? I... it sounds silly when I say it now. But I can't help but feel this is all my fault. ,,
Sam shakes his head... realizes she can't see him, and speaks with a worried, loving tone.
... No! God no, Sybil. You're one of the smartest people I know. You're no fool, if this is about the Visitor, then... no. Absolutely not. You couldn't have known that's what was out there. You couldn't have known that it would come here. ,,
Those words were like a balm to her cracked, brittle mind. There was nothing but a genuine worry in his words, she knew that tone. The tone he used when he was talking about the close calls his friends would have, the tone that wormed into his words when he worries about being a good father... something he couldn't fabricate if he tried. It was almost enough to make her cry again, but she steels herself, her hand shifting to push herself out of the bath.
Sybil sighs, and Sam hears her rise from the water... she stumbles a little, but she shouts an "I'm okay!" before he hears rustling. Once she knocks on the door from her side, he opens it once more, pulling her straight into his arms into a hug. She melts, hiding her face into his shoulder. Her legs give out on her, but Sam is quick to catch her. She weighed a lot less than him, and all the roaming around the apartments was bound to help him grow muscle.
He carries her to her bed, laying her down and sitting with her. She sighs in relief, rolling on her side to lean her face into his leg. Sam reaches down to pet through Sybil's hair, looking down at her as she closed her eyes. Silence was once again broken by the soft, rumbly tone of Sam's voice.
... I can ask Lyle to help Hellen with taking care of my apartment while I'm over here... I can stay with you for a bit. Make you meals and I can keep you company during your panic attacks too. ,,
Sybil opens her eyes, ever starry and blue, as she looks up at him. Sam smiles, tilting his head as he gages her silent reaction. She looked a bit hesitant before she hugs around his hips, nuzzling her face closer into his leg.
... Please. I... I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of letting my mental state go so far like this. I'm... surprised I didn't pry the boards off the window. I did a few days ago but my arms are too weak to do that anymore. ,,
Sam sighs, nodding slowly as he continues to run his hand along her head. He was moreso relieved that he hasn't found her dead yet, considering some of the concerning things she's told him about. His hand cradles her head, his thumb numbly running along her cheek.
... Hey. ,,
... Mm? ,,
She doesn't move her face. Just a simple noise to let him know she was listening.
... I love you. ,,
Sybil smiles, chuckling into his leg. He reddens, and he looks away as he joins her laughter.
... As a friend, Sybs. I'm not going to come onto you after you just had a panic attack. ,,
Sybil laughs a bit more, coughing shortly after before she lifts her head to look at him... she rolls onto her back, her head shifting into his lap as she smiled up at him. Sam moves his hand to pet along her head once more, his eyes half-lidded as he smiles back at her. She breaks the comfortable gaze with her words, reaching up to squeeze his shoulder. She knew he didn't mean it that way... but she liked that he was soft enough to admit that.
... I love you too. You keep me sane, you make me feel unjudged. You're always the first to say anything to me... some of the others in your apartment are too shy to speak to me. Lyle has been sweet, and Hellen listens with such silent interest... even your little boy likes to come to ramble to me. ,,
She giggles, her hands resting against her own stomach as she recalls her chats with them. They were all so sweet... Sam knew just how to pick his friends right.
... You're like the light on a porch to me. You're what leads me back home. To remind me where I belong. ,,
Sam can't help the dorky smile that breaks out on his face.
... So you're a moth? ,,
Sybil snorts, shoving him slightly, making a laugh bubble out of his belly. Nothing beat hearing that sweet belly laugh from him, it makes her laugh along too. He waves a hand.
... Hey, I'd still love you if you were a bug! ,,
Sybil giggles into her hand, shaking her head.
... Only you would tease and joke about such a sincere confession. You're such a dork! ,,
Sam raises a brow, smirking down at her.
... And what does that make you, a nerd? ,,
Sybil scoffs, which causes him to laugh harder. She can't keep the faux angry pout on her face, it growing squiggly as she giggles along with him, even if it hurt her throat. It was worth it to share this moment with him... she hums, turning her face into his stomach, closing her eyes.
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caphollander asked:
You're okay, just breathe for me."
ilya nods quickly, eyes closed as he lets out a long, choppy breath through his teeth. his leg bounces rapidly in his seat, shaking the entire row. he can feel eyes on him. judging. why the fuck is a 27 year old man having a breakdown on a plane?
it's his first time flying since the charter flight engine scare. since literally texting shane his goodbyes, wondering if he'd ever see him again. this is nothing like that. they just ran into a little turbulence, and it set something off in him. his heart sank 38,000 feet in that moment. he squeezes shane's hand tightly, wanting to crawl into a hole as he feels tears start to run down both cheeks.
fuck, this is a nightmare. they're in first class, so there are significantly less people, but it's still a commercial flight. still strangers watching him lose his shit over a little choppiness over a mountain range. at least this time shane is here with him. he knows shane isn't the biggest fan of holding hands in public, so he must know that ilya really needs him right now. ❝ i can't fucking breathe. ❞ ilya finally uses his right arm to throw over his eyes, hiding himself like people won't be able to see him if he can't see them. it had been several years since ilya had any sort of panic episode. so this was roughly new territory, for both of them.
Can you count down to ten for me? (Novelresilience)
Trauma prompts
Grace could feel her hands trembling while recalling everything that led up to Elpis's release.
The slivers of humanity that the infected staff still had despite their state; they were still people who didn't deserve the fate they were given. Including Marie, that poor girl. Even if every encounter Grace had with her was terrifying.
Her chest became tight after remembering Emily's transformation. She tried everything she could to initially save her. Pleading with Leon not to shoot her because she knew it was the girl she escaped Rhodes Hill with. The guilt she felt and self blame part of her still had.
Shakily, Grace attempted what the other was instructing her to do. Though she couldn't concentrate enough to count out loud. She's familiar with such grounding techniques.
