#neslys

Aelin was so tired. She was so gods-damned tired. “It’s ok, Ro, I’m ok-“

“Don’t let go, you can’t let go!” He couldn’t live without her. He’d done it for over a year and he couldn’t – refused to do it again. “You’re not letting go, Ae, don’t you dare let go.”

The comms were silent save for his yells and Aelin’s soft reassurance. The crew was sitting in a horrified silence as they listened, powerless to change her mind.

Nesryn’s gaze was locked on the computer screen, feeling queasy as the distance grew smaller and smaller. She didn’t want to interrupt Rowan’s concentration, but, “Distance to target – seven metres.”

She was so close, Aelin was so close and upon hearing the distance, she half-sobbed, keeping her arm reached out to Rowan as the tether slipped free and he blasted towards her, desperately reaching as their hands brushed against each other’s and she was in his arms seconds later. “Ro,” she croaked, smiling so widely as their helmets knocked together.

“Aelin,” he said, tears blurring his vision. “I got her.” Cheers erupted throughout the comms and Mission Control. “I got her.”

“Lochan, bring them in,” said Lorcan, a smile on his face that no one but Elide ever saw.

“Copy that, Commander.” The MMU moved backwards and Aelin clung harder to Rowan, closing her eyes as tears slipped down her cheeks and she smiled. It seemed the gods had finally answered her prayers.

Everyone was waiting in the inner airlock as they floated in. Aelin waved to them through the window as the outer door closed and Rowan helped her snap her helmet off. The door hissed and Elide was the first one to reach her, the others hanging back – letting the sisters have a minute. Lorcan could just make out Elide’s threats through her tears, “…ever do that shit again, I’ll kill you.”

Aelin laughed and groaned, “Don’t make me laugh, my ribs are broken.”

Elide let go of her, wiping the blonde’s tears away before the rest of the crew swarmed her, enveloping her in a snug hug, careful to not squeeze too hard. Nobody mentioned what Rowan had confessed, just so unbelievably happy to have their girl back.

Nobody knew how long it was until they reluctantly let go and moved as one to the medical bay, waiting anxiously as Rowan checked her out. With a smile, he lifted his head, letting the stethoscope down, “You’re good, Ace. Ribs are broken and I’ll set you up with an IV and might need a feeding tube to replenish the calories you’re missing, but you’re good.”

The crew let out a relieved breath and Rowan relayed the information to Manon. Aelin waggled her brows at Lorcan and Elide, who were standing by the door. Elide was leaning back against Lorcan’s front, his hands in the front pocket of her hoodie. “So, is there going to be mini Lorcan or Elide at the wedding?”

Elide groaned, their sex life was something the crew had always loved to tease them about, “Anneith below, why did we come back for you?” Lorcan just winked at Aelin and bent down to whisper to Elide, nipping at the soft shell of her ear. Her cheeks turned pink as she elbowed him in the stomach as a response, “You’re disgusting. Both of you.” A sly grin grew over her lips as Aelin and the rest of the crew cackled.

Rowan chuckled and knelt, searching for a roll of gauze to wrap her ribs. “You’re gonna need to strip, so…” he arched a brow and she nodded.

“Bye, guys,” she told the rest of the crew. They all got up from their various positions and waved goodbye to her, hesitant to leave, as if she would slip away again. “I’ll be fine. Go,” she shooed them away, smiling softly as they left and the door clicked shut behind them.

Silent as he worked, Rowan ignored the feeling of her gaze burning into him as he wrapped her ribs, “How’s that feel?”

Aelin breathed in slowly, it was snug. “Good, really sore still.”

“If it’s still sore later, let me know, I can get you-“

“You love me?”

Her words had him choking and looking up from the IV he was preparing. “I-I…”

“I heard you, buzzard. Was it a lie to get me to hold on?” A heartbreaking light fractured her eyes and Rowan cursed himself, quick to shake his head.

“What? Gods, no, it wasn’t a lie, Ae.” He floundered, searching for the right words, “I know… we didn’t always get along very well and I was an ass, but I love you.” He waited for her response, tensing as he prepared to hear the worst. When she stayed silent, his brain short wired and he began rambling, “I’ve loved you for years, Aelin. Gods, you drive me crazy and sometimes I didn’t know if I wanted to kill you  or kiss you because you’re you. You’re the smartest person I know and you’re completely unapologetic for it. You’re curious. You want to know everything about the world and I-“

She stopped him by pressing her fingers to his mouth, “Shut up.” His stomach fell at the two words before she whispered, “I love you. So much.”

“You do?”

“Most ardently, Rowan Whitethorn.” Tears were caught in her lashes and he gently cupped her face, swiping his thumb under her eye to catch the drops.

“Why do you cry, Fireheart?” Aelin fell further every time he called her that.

“Because I was lost and I didn’t know the way.”

“And now?” He leaned down to rest his forehead against hers, the tip of her nose cold against his.

“I’ve been found.” And never to be lost again. He would follow her to the ends of the universe and whatever they found after it.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

“Stop staring at me,” Aelin said, already tired of everyone’s mothering. She slowly chewed on her pasta, using most of her energy to keep it down. “I’m fine.”

When she snapped her head up, glaring at everyone, they all held her gaze, arching their brows as if to say she’d have to try harder than that. Lorcan laughed quietly, “Can you really blame us? You can barely keep your plain noodles down.” Rowan shot him a look and Lorcan read what was happening, a satisfied gleam entering his dark eyes. “Ah. Well, not to be blunt or anything but gods above, fucking finally.”

Fenrys and Elide hooted. Nesryn was able to control herself more and smiled fondly, as if they were children, nodding once and returning to her meal.

Rowan near growled and his brother just cocked his head to the side and smirked, “At least we didn’t bet on it.” Elide turned in his lap and smacked his chest, glaring at him. He just shrugged, Am I wrong? 

“You’re awful, all of you,” Rowan seethed, calming as Aelin patted his knee. He gave her a secret smile and then blushed when she returned it, lifting her hand and kissing the back of her knuckles.

“Oh good gods, my eyes! Premarital affection!” Fenrys cried out, grabbing Nesryn’s hand to cover his eyes. 

Everyone promptly ignored him and smiled softly to themselves, exchanging amused glances at Aelin and Rowan’s expense.

After dinner, they all lingered, explicitly rejecting Aelin’s request that they ‘cease and desist being overprotective mother hens’. Finally, Aelin bluntly told them to leave before she started kicking ass and they all dispersed, humouring her. She watched her sister and commander leave together, no longer feeling that same aching sense in her chest. 

Lorcan tugged Elide along, whispering low enough that Aelin couldn’t hear it. Elide gave him a fond look, tangling her fingers in his and pulling him behind her, their joyful laughter floating along as they disappeared from view. 

Aelin turned, spying Rowan a little ways away, watching her. “What?” 

“Nothing,” he replied smoothly, finally making his way over to her. Rowan rolled his eyes when she lifted her arms and he scooped her up, holding her against his chest as he walked to the couch and sat down. 

Her eyes were begging to be closed but still she kept them open, tracking over Rowan’s face as he gazed out the windows. Eventually, he slid his gaze to her, a brow quirked up. “What?” 

She shook her head, her throat tight, “I just… I would have these dreams that you were right there with me. And we were so happy-” her breath hitched and he opened his mouth to tell her he didn’t need to hear this right now but she needed to tell him this. “We were so happy and then I would wake up and not be able to sleep again because I thought I would never get to tell you that I love you.”

A tear escaped her eye and slid down her cheek as she slid her fingers across his face, feeling the contours of his features, the smoothness of tattoo ink. “You’re real.” 

Rowan nodded, tracing a comforting pattern over her side, “I am.” 

His eyes were like liquid emeralds as she met his gaze and tilted her chin up, so soft as she brushed her lips against his. Rowan sucked in a sharp breath as she pulled away, still close enough to touch his lips if either of them spoke. 

Aelin didn’t know how long they had been trapped in that moment until his lips were on hers again, gentle and tender, but strong, full. A gasp escaped her as she gave into the feeling, her long lashes brushing against his cheeks as her eyes fluttered shut. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, using every ounce of strength in her weak body to hold herself to him as their lips moved against each other’s. When his tongue traced the seam of her mouth, she opened for him, tasting his soft groan at the first brush of her tongue against his. 

Kissing him was like a breath of fresh air, the first real breath she’d inhaled since the rescue. Aelin still wasn’t convinced, was sure that if she moved too quickly, it would all disappear. Again. 

But it was real, the feeling of his hair tangled in her hands grounding her to the moment as she threatened to float away. 

Somebody coughed and they broke apart, chests heaving, gazes wide and pupils dilated. Aelin looked over Rowan’s shoulder, spying Lorcan and Fenrys standing there. “What, in Hellas’ cold and dark realm, do you want?” 

“Oh, nothing, just in the communal area, getting some tea before bed, don’t mind us” Lorcan replied, a shit-eating grin on his face. He took one step forward and smirked at the look on Rowan’s face as he turned to glare at Lorcan and Fenrys. “On second thought, it’s late, probably not a good idea to have caffeine. Have fun, you two.” 

“But not too much fun,” Fenrys yelled as they left, snickering the entire way. They were almost gone when Lorcan’s wolf whistle pierced the air and he howled, the sounds amplified by Fenrys’ roaring laughter. 

“We’re surrounded by animals,” Rowan muttered, his frown melting as Aelin smiled at him. “I hate them.” 

He pressed his forehead against hers, kissing away the tears that streaked down her cheeks. She only cried harder, “Buzzard.”

“Fireheart.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

an: see! i told you it would all work out 💛 nine chapters down, one to go! 

“Copy that, Major. Ready for docking.”

Elide had her headset on and was in the rec room, wearing Lorcan’s hoodie and a pair of his sweats,  anxiously watching out the window as he guided the probe into the docking station, tethered to the outside of the ship in his extravehicular - EVA - suit.

Everyone else was on the flight deck, but she wasn’t needed there. As she fiddled with her ring, her brows knitting together, she listened to Lorcan, “Probe has docked. Looking good, Major.”

“Roger that, Commander.” Fenrys’ voice was cool and smooth – this was really where he thrived. “And… docking is complete. Nice work everyone.”

There were a few quiet cheers and Elide let out a long breath, smiling softly and waving at Lorcan as he caught her gaze and bowed as best as he could in outer space. She giggled and pressed her hand to the glass, “We got it, guys.” Elide kept her eyes on him and she could make out two dimples on his cheeks - a smile just for her. 

Fenrys let loose a howl and soon, they were all joining in, their frayed nerves soothed by the success.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Aelin was sitting on top of the modified rover-wagon. It looked like a Blackbeak caravan made of billion-dollar equipment. Her eyes found the teeny tiny camera in her helmet and she addressed it, speaking thoughtfully. “It’s now day four-sixty-one.” She nodded to the hill a few kilometres away, “The FAV’s just over that hill. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on my drive. Well, it was either that or panic about the decaying radioactive battery riding shotgun so…”

She trailed off, looking at the red sand hills. “There’s this treaty that says that no country can lay claim on any land that’s not on Earth. TNSB owns the hab, and these rovers. But the second I step out of either one, there’s this other treaty that states if you aren’t in any country’s territory, maritime land applies. Which means that Farnor is international waters.”

She hopped down, eyes roving over the load vehicles that carried all that was keeping her alive. The oxygenator, the atmosphere regulator, the water reclaimer, and hundreds of frozen cooked potatoes were all squared away. Aelin had never been this organized; Elide would be proud. “Now, I’m travelling from the Anascaul crater to Mistward.

“I’ve crossed international waters to commandeer a vehicle and no one explicitly gave me permission to do so, so technically, that makes me a pirate.”

A wicked grin split her face in two, “A space pirate.”

Eventually, the rover had charged and Aelin was back in the driver’s seat, steadily making her way over the last three kilometres. It was a weird feeling.

Everywhere she went, she was the first. Billions of years and now… Aelin. The only person who had ever been alone on a planet. She didn’t like to think of it too much, it caused her heart to grow with an ache she couldn’t place and winded her under the knowledge that she could very well never make it off the face of this earth. 

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

“Sartaq?”

The rocket scientist looked up at Gavriel, slightly grainy through the video call, “Oh, Gavriel. Hi.”

“Hi,” Gavriel answered him slowly, apprehensive. “Is everything alright?”

Sartaq and Manon, from her perch on the edge of his desk, exchanged a wary look before Sartaq answered, “We just want to start this off by saying you won’t like it.”

Gavriel really, really didn’t want to know. “…what is it? Manon?”

The white-haired woman looked uneasy and unnerved, “Well, thing is…” she trailed off as Luca popped into the frame, scaring Gavriel halfway to an early grave.

“Oh, hey, man! What’s popping?”

“Hello, Luca, how are you?” 

“I’m great, my guy, this RPL lab is pretty dope and I got to see my dads so that’s pretty sick – thanks for flying me out and everything.”

“Luca. The plan?” Manon prompted him, her exasperation clear. Gavriel was sure the only reason Luca was still alive was that Manon had found a new pet in him, as if that terrifying snake of hers – Abraxos – wasn’t enough.

“Right! Ok, so first things first, the FAV won’t have enough speed to zoom up to The Lani, you heard?” Sartaq, ever peaceful Sartaq, looked ready to strangle the boy. “Shit needs to be, like, a lot lighter. Five tonnes, to be exact.”

“You can do that?”

“‘T’s really not that complicado, I swear.” The astrodynamicist turned to the model of the FAV and began pulling things out, carelessly tossing them to the side. “We can get rid of five chairs, cause it’s just… Manon, what’s that chick’s name again?” He really didn’t mean any offence by it, he had a bad memory for names. It took him six months to remember Vaughan’s name and stop referring to him as ‘boss man’.

Manon just sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of her nose, “Aelin, Luca. Her name is Aelin.”

“Ooh, that do be kinda sick though,” was Luca’s response. “I can dig that.” He returned to the task at hand, “Then, the FAV is designed for five-hundred grams of Farnorian soil and rock samples, obviously, we won’t have that so we’re already speeding.”

Manon gave Gavriel a long-suffering look as Luca continued, “Then, we ditch life support, Aelin can just be in her heavy-duty suit-“

“EVA, Luca, we told you it’s EVA.”

“Whatever, she can be in it and we don’t need life support.”

Gavriel frowned, “How’s she going to fly the rocket if she’s in her EVA?”

“She won’t, Marama will remotely control it,” Manon told him bluntly.

“We’ve never had a remotely controlled manned ship before.” Luca’s face fell slightly and Gavriel hastily added, “but I’m excited for the opportunities… it presents.”

The boy’s face lit up again and he smiled, “Word, I feel you. This means we can get rid of the control panels and all that other stuff like telemetry, comms-“

“What. Remotely controlled with- with no backups?”

Manon nodded, “Yeah, we haven’t even got to the bad stuff.” Gavriel’s face paled and she turned to Luca, urging him on, “Go on, tell him.”

“We kinda… have to remove the nose airlock and the windows and the hull.”

The mission director choked, slamming his knee into the underside of his desk, “You want to send her into space without the front of her ship?” He addressed his words to Sartaq.

“The nose alone is four hundred grams.”

Gavriel stood up, spreading his arms, “You’re sending her into space without the front of her ship! A hole!”

“Mmm, not a hole, she can cover it with hab tarp.” Gavriel just hung his head in his hands as Sartaq continued, shooing Luca to the side, “The hull is really there to keep the air out, but Farnor’s atmosphere is so thin, she really won’t need that much streamlining.”

“You’re sending her into space under a tarp, Sartaq.”

“Yes.”

“There aren't any other options, are there?”

“Nope.”

“Who wants to tell her?”

Manon shook her head, “That’s all you, Gav.”

Gavriel scowled, accusing her, “I thought you were Flight and Crew Director, Ms. Blackbeak.”

She just shrugged, “Best get to it. Aelin’s not a patient woman.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Aelin was staring out the front window of the rover with a blank look as she ate her daily portion of rations. “I know what they’re doing. I know what they’re doing. They keep telling me that I’ll ‘travel faster than any person in the history of space’, like it’s a good thing, like it’ll distract me from the fucking LUNACY OF THEIR IDEA!”

She thought hard, “They’re sending me into space in a gods-damned convertible. Actually, it’s worse, because my controls are in Fenrys Marama’s hands. Fucking idiot didn’t even have enough sense to knock up his girl after what was originally a nineteen-month mission.”

Scowling at the dash, Aelin added, “By the way, when describing things like speed and velocity, physicists don’t use the word ‘fast’, ok? They’re just saying it in the hopes that I’ll like how it sounds. ‘Fastest person in space travel’. Well, you know what?”

Aelin drank from her water bottle and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, “I do like it. I like it a lot, actually.”

With a heavy sigh, she shook her head and threw her hands up, “Alright, let’s do this.”

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Aelin dropped the wrench on the floor of the hollowed-out FAV, an entertained gleam in her eyes. “Ok, that was really fun.” She looked up at the sky through the hole in the FAV, where the nose had once been, as if she would be able to spot The Lani, “I’m coming, guys. Wait for me, ok?”

Exhausted, Aelin carefully made her way down the hatch and hopped to the ground, walking slowly over to her caravan, ready for one last night.

+*+*+*+*+*+* 

The crew had been tense all day, jittery for the rescue. It had finally arrived and they were all in the flight deck as Lorcan read off the plans once more, “Faliq, you’ll SysOp the ascent, Marama – piloting The Lani. Lochan and Whitethorn, I want you at the airlock before she’s even begun countdown, got it?”

“Got it – I want her in the med bay immediately after intercept, she’ll probably be unconscious and may have internal bleeding.” There were so many other things she would need to be checked out for and Rowan had it all set up, every scenario planned out – even surgery.

Lorcan continued, “When we reach intercept, it’s on Whitethorn to get her. If anything, anything goes wrong, Lochan, you’re going out after them.”

“Copy that, Commander.”

“Alright. We ready?”

The only response was, “Yes, sir.”

“Roger that, crew. Let’s go get our girl, huh?” Big smiles were on everyone’s face as Fenrys and Lorcan let loose military whoops.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Manon slipped into the locked Mission Control, sliding into her seat beside Asterin and kissing her cousin’s brow as they prayed quickly. She snapped on her headset and reached for Asterin’s hand, holding tightly as she calmed herself and began flight, “Lani, this is Flight. You are good to go.”

Nesryn’s voice crackled through the comms, “Copy that, Flight. Lani is commencing de-acceleration… Engine alignment is perfect, fuel pressure green.”

The room let out a pent-up breath and Nesryn continued with her assessment, “Communications five by five…”

Lorcan spoke to Aelin, “About two minutes away, G-Money. How you feeling?” Everyone laughed at the nickname; it was beyond soothing for the stranded astronaut.

Her voice was broken and tight, “It’s good to hear your voice, Commander. Ready to get up to you guys.” Words failed her and she swallowed before continuing, “Thank you for coming back for me; I miss you.”

The crew chuckled tearfully and Lorcan answered her, “We miss you too, Ace. Remember, you’re facing twelve G’s, it’s ok if you pass out, yeah? You’re in Marama’s hands now.”

“Tell that dipshit no barrel-rolls.”

Lorcan’s laughter barked across the radios, “Scout’s honour. CAPCOM…”

Nesryn’s voice was filled with laughter, “Go.”

“Remote control…”

“Go,” said Fenrys.

“Recovery…”

Elide and Rowan answered simultaneously, “Go.”

And finally, “Pilot…”

“Go already, you bastard.”

“Copy that, Galathynius. Flight, this is Lani actual, we are go for launch and will proceed on schedule.” 

“Roger that, Lani. This is Flight, Mission control is a go, commencing in t-minus ten seconds,” Manon replied, utterly unashamed of the tears flowing down her cheeks. She reached over and turned on the timer controller, the countdown commencing.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Lorcan was overseeing the flight deck as they listened to the timer controller. “Marama?”

“Main engines start.”

“Copy. Faliq?”

“Clamps releasing… SysOps is a go.”

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Aelin tensed in anticipation as the timer counted down and the crew began the plan. “See you in a few, Commander.”

The rocket blasted off and she was slammed back into her acceleration seat. The wind was knocked out of her, she couldn’t even gasp as the FAV launched with incredible force. The ship shook violently and she fought to remain conscious, her eyes fluttering shut.

The canvas ripped free of the hull and the comms picked up again, the crew’s words falling on deaf ears, Aelin was lost on them. “Velocity is seven-forty-one metres per second. Altitude one-three-five-oh…”

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Lorcan shook his head, eyes flying over the screens, “That’s too low. Marama?”

“I know,” his voice tight as he struggled, “it’s fighting me—”

“Velocity eight-fifty, altitude one-eight-four three—”

Lorcan spoke into the radio, not daring to tear his eyes from the computer, “Galathynius? Galathynius do you copy?”

There was no answer and Nesryn said, “She’s still well below target.”

“How far?”

“Working on it… main shutdown in 3…2…1… Shutdown.”

Fenrys was fighting the controls, “Back to automatic guidance. Confirm shutdown.”

“Galathynius, do you read?”

Rowan’s voice came to life, “She just pulled twelve G’s on ascent, she’s probably passed out. Give her a few minutes, Flight Deck.”

“Copy that, Whitethorn.” Lorcan turned to Nesryn, “Faliq, what’s happening?”

The dark-haired woman took a moment to respond, “Intercept velocity will be eleven metres per second – Whitethorn?”

“I can make it work,” Rowan confirmed, determined.

“Roger, distance at intercept will be—” Nesryn went pale, feeling sick to her stomach. “We’ll be fifty-seven kilometres apart.”

Silence fell over the radios.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Rowan said, “did you say fifty-seven kilometres? Kilometres?”

“Gods save her…” Fenrys whispered, a horrified look twisting his face.

Lorcan’s voice brought everyone back, “Keep it together. Work the problem. We got any power in the FAV?”

“Negative, Commander. Ditched the boosters to make launch weight.”

“Then we go to her. Faliq, time to intercept?”

“Thirty-eight minutes, seventeen seconds.”

“What happens if we point all our thrusters in the same direction,” he asked. “Marama?”

Fenrys did calculations in his head, tilting his chin up as he took in the remaining fuel levels. “Depends on how much fuel we want to save for course adjustments on the flight home.”

“And you need how much?”

“Mmm, I can get by on twenty percent of what we have left.”

“Faliq?”

Nesryn was already working on it and answered Lorcan quickly, “Using seventy-five point five of what’s left, I can completely close the altitude gap—”

“Do it.”

“Hang on, the intercept velocity will be forty-two metres per second.”

It was too fast, Rowan wouldn’t be able to grab her. Lorcan would deal with that in thirty-nine minutes, then. “We’ll figure it out. Marama, burn the jets.”

The ship lurched as Fenrys followed commands and the jets burned, boosting them forward.

A small voice was heard over the radio and Lorcan caught the last part of it, “…fuck you, Farnor.”

“Galathynius?!”

“Affir… affirmative, Commander.”

“Status.”

“Ch… chest hurts. Breathing hurts,” it was her ribs. Aelin had been flung around the FAV during her ascent. “How, how are you?”

Of course, Aelin was still worried about them. “We’re good, Pilot. Working to get to you. There was a complication during launch.”

Her voice was so weak, it broke Lorcan’s heart. “Yeah, the… canvas didn’t… didn’t hold.”

“That checks out, Galathynius.”

“…bad is it?” The radios were weaving in and out.

“Intercept range is perfect. We’re working on intercept velocity, there’s a problem.”

“How big?”

“Forty-two metres big.” Aelin didn’t respond and Nesryn checked the comms, indicating they were still good to go. “Aelin?”

“You know,” she began, as if they were having a casual conversation, “I watched all the Marvel movies you brought. My favourite’s Iron Man, are you surprised? I could find something sharp in here and pierced my EVA’s glove, as a thruster. The source is on my arm, so I can direct.”

Lorcan blinked a few times, not sure he’d heard her correctly, “Um, I don’t see you having any control over that – you’d be eyeballing and using a barely-controlled thrust vector.”

“All good points but consider this: I would get to fly around like Iron Man.”

Fenrys just shook his and laughed quietly, “We should’ve left her on Farnor.”

“Um, you did leave me on Farnor and Iron Man, Commander. Iron Man.”

“Ace, just shut up for a second, Hellas.” Lorcan looked at the far wall, “Maybe it’s not the worst idea.”

Fenrys shot him a look, incredulous, “You know, it actually is. The worst idea possible.” The rest of the crew chorused their agreement – it was ludicrous.

“No, not her idea, but using atmosphere as thrust.” Lorcan’s eyes widened, “Elide, El, El, El.”

“Yes?”

“No, not actually you, Nes, pull up El’s station.”

“It’s up – what do you need?”

Lorcan crossed his arms and leaned against the control desk, “I need to know what would happen if we blew the VAL.”

“…the vehicular airlock?”

He shrugged, “Yeah, it’d give us a good kick.”

“And blow off the nose of our ship. And all the air would leave. We need air, Lorcan,” Elide reminded him, “to not die.” He’s a mechanical engineer, for gods’ sakes. Shouldn’t he know this? Elide thought.

“Seal the bridge and reactor room. Everything else becomes a vacuum.”

“It would get intercept velocity down to thirteen metres per second,” Nesryn said, seeing the logic of his idea.

“How do we open the airlock doors, though? We can’t control them remotely and if anyone’s near them when it blows…”

“Lochan?”

“Yes?”

“Take off your spacesuit.”

“…why.”

“I need you to build a bomb.”

Aelin’s voice cut in before Elide could reply, “Wait, bomb? You’re exploding things…without me?”

They ignored her as Elide asked, “Come again, L?”

“You’re a chemist and a fucking weirdo – no offence, babe – can you make a bomb with what we have onboard?”

“None taken,” she quipped, “I’m obligated to tell you that setting off an explosive device on a spacecraft is a terrible, terrible idea.”

“Copy. Can you do it?”

Elide thought for a few seconds, “Yeah, I can do it.”

“Good, get going. Faliq, meet Lochan in the rec room and transport the bomb to Whitethorn – I want you to meet Faliq at airlock and attach the bomb to the inner door of airlock one Then, make your way back to airlock two along the hull, copy?”

“Copy.”

“Perranth, be advised: we are going to deliberately breach the VAL to produce thrust.”

Before Mission Control could answer, Aelin piped up, “Commander, I can’t let you do this. You see, I’m selfish – all the memorials back home should be about me. I don’t need any of you losers ruining my rep.” She panted, “Call it off.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, if you want us to call it off, then I guess we have to- oh wait... wait a minute. Yep. I’m looking at my shoulder patch and it turns out I’m Commander. So shut up.”

“Fu...fucking smart ass.”

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Nesryn entered the rec room, spying Elide where she was pouring a bag of sugar into a beaker. “Bomb?”

“Yup.” Elide couldn’t speak much, she was pretty busy at the moment. She still managed to tell Nesryn about her project, “In a pure oxygen environment, it’ll release sixteen point seven million Joules for every kilo of sugar used. Eight times stronger than a stick of dynamite.”

“Neith above, you terrify me.”

Elide grinned evilly, looking like a mad scientist as she poured pure oxygen into the beaker and screwed the cap on, doing something with stripped copper wires. “She’s ready.” Elide carefully passed the bomb over to Nesryn, “Run this to the lighting panel, ok?”

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

The bomb was set and everything was in place. They braced for the thrust as an explosion rocked the ship, sending them backwards.

As the ship stabilized, Fenrys, Nesryn, Elide, and Lorcan, scrambled back to their spots and Fenrys swore, “It’s still too far, three-hundred metres?”

“Oh, great,” Aelin commented, “I’ll just wave at you as I fly by.”

“Bridge seal is holding, Commander, first inspections reads minimal damage.”

“Copy that, Whitethorn, where are you?”

“I’m in airlock two, Commander, in the MMU and going for intercept on your command.” Rowan would have to go after her in the Manned Maneuvering Unit - MMU for short.

“Roger that, go recovery.” They were still too far, “Faliq, what’s our-“

“Lorcan. I’m doing it,” Aelin said, her voice hard. Before anyone knew what was happening, there came a hissing sound and Aelin soared through the FAV’s nose, one arm stretched towards them and the other behind her like Iron Man. She struggled to keep upright and kicked her legs.

“Shit, Faliq, current velocity?” They were all of the edges of their seats.

“Calculating… twelve metres per second… seven metres per second… five point two… three point one,” her heart was in her throat as she watched the rescue.

“Distance to target?”

“Ten metres.” 

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Rowan’s heart cracked as the distance was told, he could reach her, he could get to her. The tether was long enough.

She looked to him, those brilliant eyes of hers grounding him. Rowan angled the controls to her, jerking back in the MMU when the tether pulled taut. What, no no no. It was caught, it had to be caught, he was sure of it. “Fuck, fuck,” Elide was on her way to the airlock but she wouldn’t be able to help. She was still too far. “The tether, it’s caught on something - it’s caught.” 

He saw it in Aelin’s eyes as she heard him and she smiled at him. He hated the smile, soft and accepting. It was her goodbye. 

“It’s ok, Ro,” she said, acceptance in her words, “let me go.”

“No. No,” he shouted the word over and over, not believing it. “Aelin, no, you can’t do this-“

“It’s ok, Rowan. Let me go.”

“I’m not letting you go – we didn’t get any time-“ his breath hitched as tears grew in his chest, “I love you, you can’t let go.”

There was nothing anyone could do. Aelin had made up her mind.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

an: hehe sowwy bubs 🥺👉👈

let me know if yall wanna be added/removed from the tag list 😘

As he crept quietly, not wanting to disturb any of the sleeping crewmates on his bathroom run, he noticed that Aelin’s door was open and popped his head in. He whispered, “Ace?” There was no one there.

Logically, she was going to the bathroom, not missing in space again, but his pulse still raced and he cursed quietly, closing the door so that if anyone else woke up, they wouldn’t notice anything was amiss. He wanted to find her, for his sake and hers, but he really had to take a leak so after he had dealt with that, Lorcan set off through the ship's zero-gravity corridor.

After blowing the vehicular airlock during Aelin’s rescue, the ship was much smaller and it didn’t take him long to poke through the remaining rooms.

It didn’t take a genius, which they all were, to see that Aelin wasn’t the same. Her oddities were something they all collectively ignored, knowing she was silently berating herself for not being as she once was. Honestly, it broke their hearts to see her panic at the amount of food on her plate and struggle to stop herself from checking their supplies. It broke their hearts to see her slip away when they were all together, unable to handle the attention.

They were trying, really, they were, to not overwhelm her and keep their distance, even Rowan at times.

No one thought it would be easy once they got her back, but… Gods, it was all a mess, one that no one knew how to muddle through. Certainly not Aelin. She was just trying to get through the days, one at a time.

Lorcan shook his head to rid it of his spiraling thoughts as he slid down the ladder to the rec room and turned, finding Aelin at the back of the ship, looking out the windows. “Ace?”

She whirled quickly at his voice, her hands shaking as she let out a breathless laugh, “You scared me. Hi.”

“Hey,” he said smoothly, walking slowly over to her. “Everything ok?” She’d probably say that it was and they would both ignore the blatant lie.

“No.”

Her answer shocked him, but he controlled himself, keeping his face neutral as he slipped his hands into the pockets of his sweats, nodding his head once, twice. What shocked him was not what she said, but that she’d said it at all. Finally, someone was getting the truth. “Want to talk?”

“Lorcan Salvaterre, are you going soft on us? Asking someone to talk about their feelings?” Aelin teased him.

Lorcan humoured her by huffing a dry laugh and tilting his head to the side as he reached the windows and leaned back against them. “So?”

Aelin breathed out shakily and wiped her eyes, “Yeah, um. I don’t… I don’t know anything anymore. It all feels so fake?”

After he’d come home from deployment, he’d felt the same thing. It was like there was a glass separating him and everyone else. “I remember that.”

“You do?”

His time spent serving wasn’t something he tended to discuss openly. Lorcan nodded again, “Yeah, I served for a couple tours. I was discharged after eight years due to ‘hardship’.” He let out a humourless laugh, “I guess being held as a prisoner of war three months is classified as a ‘hardship’.”

Aelin’s eyes were wide, “I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.”

“Please, don’t be. It’s not your problem, G,” he assured her. “I just want you to know that it’s ok to not be alright right now. No one is expecting you to be and don’t be hard on yourself because you’re not what you once were.”

She rolled her eyes and smiled ruefully, “Easier said than done, Commander.”

Lorcan smiled, “Yeah, it really is.” He tilted his head to the table and she nodded. They silently walked over to it and sat down on opposite sides.

“So,” she began, clasping her hands on the surface before her, “are you better now?”

“Depends on what you mean by ‘better’. Before… it was really bad. Couldn’t get out of bed, didn’t eat or drink. Could barely be around anyone else.” He stared at the table, “It’s not like that anymore, but… not every day is a good one.”

“What did you do? To make it go away?”

Lorcan looked at her for a few seconds, analyzing something. “Essar yelled at me one day. Near broke down my door and chewed me out for ignoring her and being a dick. Said just because I was going through a shit time didn’t mean I could be shitty to everyone who tried to help.” The corners of his mouth tugged up, “And then she roped in Elide. Your sister’s the scariest person I know.”

“You’re telling me that? You know how many times I had to physically restrain her from fighting anyone who dared insult me in her presence?”

They both laughed quietly. Elide was one of their safe subjects, one they literally never fought over, now. In the beginning, Aelin had been a bit… territorial and protective. After they calmed, Lorcan got serious again, “That’s not all it took. I had to work to improve and still do. You just gotta find something that makes you want to fight, Aelin. You need to fight every fucking day, every time that voice in your mind tells you you should give up now, or that no one cares. Because it’s wrong, ok? Do you think we would’ve come back for you if we didn’t care?”

Aelin ducked her head, hiding her tears. “I asked you a question, Aelin.”

She slowly rose her head, eyes of blue and gold meeting ones of pure obsidian, forged from the same raging monster that dwelled inside both of them. “No.” He nodded, that one small and satisfied grin on his lips. Despite herself, it filled her with a warming sense of pride.

“Are you gonna tell me why you’re still up?”

“I had a dream. And all of this,” she waved her hand around, indicating the past year and a half, “hadn’t happened and we were on our way to Farnor. I just- I needed to see that we were leaving it all behind.” She dropped her hands in her lap and looked down at her fingernails, all bitten down to the quick. “I’m just so tired all the time.”

“Probably cause you’re not sleeping and it’s, like, three am.”

Aelin laughed, “Gods, you’re an asshole.”

He smiled and drawled, his tone dry, “So I’ve been told. Alright,” he clapped his hands, “if you’re not going to sleep, might as well watch a movie. Where’s my laptop?” Lorcan stood and walked over to the wall of compartments, reaching up high to his personal drawer. He pulled down his personal computer and moved to the couch area, putting it down on the table.

She still hadn’t moved and Lorcan looked over his shoulder, “Well, come on. Your choice between Ant-Man or Guardians of the Galaxy.”

“Wow, so many options,” Aelin commented as she made her way over to the couch and sat down, curling her legs under her.

Lorcan glanced at her before turning back to the screen, “Elide sits just like that.”

“You really love her,” said Aelin. Lorcan froze and slowly looked at her, his brows furrowing. “It’s good. She deserves someone like you. And Guardians of the Galaxy.”

He smiled, “You got it.” Soon, the movie was playing and they sat in a comfortable silence, understanding that what they had been talking about was done for now and they would continue on later. “Rowan really loves you too, Ace.”

She slowly turned to look at him but didn’t say anything until Lorcan elaborated. “I know you two had your moment or whatever, but he’s completely gone for you.”

A smitten smile pulled at her lips and Lorcan just had to pop her bubble, “Plus, he has a thing for know-it-all blondes.” Aelin choked and shoved his shoulder, to which Lorcan said, “Veteran abuse.”

“You’re such a dick,” she grumbled, frowning as she snuggled into his side. Lorcan just laughed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. After a few minutes where they watched the movie in silence, she whispered, “I don’t want to mess it up.”

“I know you don’t. I don’t think you will.”

“Why?”

“I’m not sure Rowan’s ever wanted anything more than this,” Lorcan told her, resting his chin on the top of her head. “He’s waited all this time for you, he doesn’t mind waiting a little longer.”

And neither did Aelin.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

“Lani, this is Flight, waiting for confirmation.”

“Copy Flight, Lani actual is ready for re-entry and landing.”

“Roger that Lani. Beginning re-entry countdown,” Manon said, her voice staticky through the headset.

Everyone was strapped into their seats, ready for landing. The timer controller turned on and the robotic tone began counting down from ten. Wordlessly, Aelin held her hand, palm up, to Rowan. He stared at her hand for a moment before gently taking it and squeezing once.

The ship shook as it was remotely piloted back into Earth’s gravity. Aelin closed her eyes and breathed out slowly, repeating soothing inhales and exhales as she felt the re-entry.

“Lani, Flight – the Thresher has confirmed it is ready for pick-up.”

“Copy, Flight.”

The metal beast rattled as the boosters detached and hurtled to the ocean, far far below them still. Aelin knew that the craft would be burning right now, but with the heat shield and their temperature-controlled suits, no one could feel a thing.

As the free-fall continued for a few minutes or so, Aelin gripped Rowan’s hand harder, tensing as the craft jerked back – the parachutes. Their descent slowed and an indeterminate amount of time later, they crashed into the ocean. The pontoons that were set off kept them afloat as they all checked in with each other, assuring that everyone was ok.

The mood was vivid and excited as a hissing sound filled the craft and the door popped open, the sun blinding. “You guys lost or something?”

Lorcan and Fenrys let out shocked cries, “Corsario?”

“The one and only,” the man replied, a smug grin splitting his face in two. His sea green eyes sparkled as he and his crew helped them out of the ship and onto the motored boat that would take them to the Thresher, Terrasen’s Navy’s amphibious transport docking ship.

“Guys, this is Rolfe Corsario, we were all in boot camp together,” Lorcan explained, gesturing between him, Fenrys, and Rolfe. The sailor held out his hand to help Aelin into the boat and she noticed that his brown skin was covered in tattoos that resembled maps. Aelin held onto his hand even after she sat down, trying to get a better look.

“Ah, can’t let you do that,” he said, pulling his hand from her grasp before hopping neatly down and sitting by the motor.

“Why not?” The whole crew, save for Lorcan and Fenrys who just rolled their eyes, leaned in to listen.

Fenrys cut in before Rolfe could answer her, “They’re not for mortal eyes.” He received a quick swat to the back of his head before Rolfe turned to her.

“They’re Mycenian markings. Can’t let outsiders see them,” he said with a wink and lazy grin as he steered the boat to the Thresher.

“They’re on your hands, dipshit,” Lorcan said, twisting his helmet off and tossing it by his feet. “Anyone can see them.”

“I’m going to ignore that and still let you onto my ship.”

One by one, the astronauts popped their helmets off and sighed at the cool ocean breeze. Aelin closed her eyes, tilting her head back up to the sun just as a shadow passed over her and she frowned, opening her eyes to find that they had arrived at the ship.

Elide offered to let Aelin go up the ladder first but the blonde shook her head, waiting until she was the last one on the boat. Taking a deep breath, Aelin stepped up to the ladder and nodded to herself, stepping on the first rung.

She froze and looked to the side, seeing Rolfe waiting patiently. He dipped his chin once, “Welcome back.”

 +*+*+*+*+*

Aelin had requested that no media be there when the plane touched down in Orynth. The thought of being the centre of attention, in a media hailstorm, had her feeling queasy.

TNSB had complied and when she stepped off the plane, the only people she saw were a handful of TNSB employees, the scientists who had brought her home.

The second she saw a flash of moon-white hair and another of yellow-gold, she let out an undignified squeal and ran, blatantly ignoring Weylan and Gavriel to launch herself at Manon and Asterin. They laughed and hugged her tight.

“So, what does it take for you to get Darrow’s job,” Aelin muttered, the question directed at Manon.

The white-haired woman shrugged as Asterin cackled, “He wants to fire her.”

Aelin pulled back, “What! Why, what’d you do?”

Manon just shrugged again and flipped her hair over her shoulder, “I might’ve leaked some confidential flight plans to Elide. He didn’t appreciate that.”

“Gods, I missed you two,” Aelin breathed, hugging them close again. “Thanks for getting me home.” The back of her throat ached with tears and she wiped her eyes.

Eventually, the rest of her crew caught up with her and they exchanged professional greetings with both Weylan and Gavriel. The cold disdain for the director of TNSB was palpable and Elide gently patted Lorcan’s arm, speaking in Blackbeak as she told him, “Stop frowning at him. Weylan’s about to shit himself.”

He chuckled darkly as Manon and Asterin cackled once more. Asterin surveyed her boss, who was talking with Nesryn a few metres away, “I bet he will.”

“Ten bucks?”

“Are we children,” Aelin asked, an unimpressed arch to her brows, “Ten’s too low, I say we go for the big bucks.” They continued with their childish banter as some frazzled-looking woman herded them off the tarmac and into headquarters.

Aelin lingered outside, eyes on the sky. The woman tried to get her attention, but Rowan said he’d wait for her and catch up later.

The sun’s glare became too bright for her eyes and she blinked hard, pivoting neatly to the door, where she found Rowan. A smile grew on her face and she walked quickly to his side, tucking herself under his arm and into his side. “Waiting for me again, are we?”

She grabbed his hand and tugged him behind her, only to be sent backwards when he didn’t move. “Ro, what are you- oh!” He settled his hand on her waist and tipped her chin back, green eyes swimming with too much and not enough all at once.

“For you, Fireheart,” he murmured, tracing his thumb over the apple of her cheek, “for you I’d wait forever.”

+*+*+*+*+*+*

an: annnnd that’s a wrap! thank you all for reading and sticking with me through this whole lil thang - this was super fun to write

A camera had been set up in her garden so she spoke to it, still speaking as though TNSB couldn’t hear her or see her every move. “Now that everyone can talk to me, they never want to shut up.” She kissed the leaf of the smallest plant, smiling down at it and whispering a soft word of encouragement.

“They’ve even got a whole team micromanaging my crops. Which is just great,” she added sarcastically. Aelin and the botany team were not on the best of terms. “I don’t mean to sound arrogant,” she spread her arms, as if to say look at all of this, “but I am the best botanist on this planet.”

Aelin put the container down and dusted her hands, “In other news, they want me to pose for a picture. I’m debating between ‘High School Prom’,”’ she posed with her hands elbows bent and hands clasped over her stomach, “or ‘Happy College Student On A Pamphlet’,” she hooked her thumbs through imaginary backpack straps, pasting on a gloriously fake grin. “I’m not sure how it’ll all convey with my spacesuit on, but we’ll figure it out.”

Aelin laughed to herself and walked out to the kitchen area, now addressing the camera by the microwave, “Another cool thing about this communication business: email! I get a big data dump, like when I was on The Lani and stuff. Athletes, academics, musicians and even the prime minister too. But the coolest, the single coolest email I got was from my alma mater, the University of Orynth. They tell me that once you’ve grown crops somewhere, you’ve officially ‘colonized’ it.” A cocky grin overtook her features, “So I colonized Farnor. Suck it, TNSB botany team,” she stuck her tongue out before fetching her suit to take her photo.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Asterin was in stitches as she looked at the picture Aelin had sent. The golden-haired astronaut was mid-jump, her legs bent and her arms stretched up to the sky and she could make out the huge grin splitting the woman’s face. “Oh, this is so like her,” she murmured, tracing an iron nail over the photo. “This – I can use.”

“Good,” Weylan said, already on to the next topic. He addressed Sartaq and Gavriel on the screen, “Sartaq, is your team still on schedule.”

The man looked beat, a certain bleakness in his eyes, “It’ll be tight, but we’ll make it.”

“Make sure you do.” He tapped the table, “Nine-month flight puts us at day 868. Did we get the Botany Team’s assessment?”

Gavriel nodded, “They estimate her crops will last her until day 900. They resentfully admit Aelin’s doing a remarkable job.”

“Resentfully?” Manon questioned, arching a manicured brow.

“Yes, um, Aelin has a tendency to tell them to go have sex with themselves whenever they disagree with her or question her method. Either that or she tells them she’s the best botanist on Farnor and therefore she doesn’t have to listen to mediocre scientists,” Gavriel told them, a slight wince on his face.

The director of TNSB just shook his head, “Get her in line. We can’t have any miscommunications.” He turned to Manon and Asterin, who were both badly hiding their amused grins. “Food gets there at 868, hers lasts until 900…I hate this margin.”

“And that’s assuming nothing goes wrong,” commented Manon, ever-so helpfully.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Aelin grabbed her toolkit and wedged it under her arm as she walked to the airlock, going out to do some late-night modifications on the rover.

Something was niggling in the back of her mind, but she paid it no heed, just wanting to do her work and sleep like the dead after whatever meager dinner she could scrounge up. She was running out of ketchup and she dreaded the day that she was forced to eat plain cooked potatoes.

A yawn grew in her and her eyes watered, gods above, she just wanted to sleep.

When one was stranded on a desolate, slumber was a fickle thing. Aelin’s eyes grew heavy as she pulled the airlock handle down.

All she heard was a ripping sound going along the canvas of the airlock before she was airborne, an explosion catapulting her and the tunnel far far away.

A strangled, panicked cry escaped her as she was battered and flung around the airlock as it flew through the air and crashed, her helmet crashing into something and she heard a cracking sound, closing her eyes on instinct.

The canvas tube rolled too many times for her to count until eventually it stopped and Aelin sat up, alarms blaring in her helmet.

It was cracked.

Fuck, it was cracked, a little hole where the polycarbonate-plexiglass had been chipped free. The beeping didn’t stop and Aelin fought to keep her breathing under control as she scrambled to her feet and wrenched the duct tape free, ripping off a length and taping it across the longest crack and then another across it.

Her toolkit had spilled everywhere and she grabbed a sharp screwdriver, stabbed it into the fabric of the airlock and yanked it down, creating a big enough rip for her to stumble out of.

Aelin could hardly see past the duct tape and she spun around, desperately looking for the hab and then sprinting, tripping countless times in her mad dash.

She stepped foot in and saw… her crops, destroyed beyond recognition.

Her lifeline was destroyed and Aelin gasped, her throat tight as she staggered out. She couldn’t stay here tonight and no good would come if she attempted to fix anything now.

Making her way to the rover, tears dripped down her cheeks until violent sobs were ripping from her throat and chest. She stumbled over a pile of rocks and fell to her knees, her gloves digging into the red dirt. There was no other answer; Aelin was going to die here alone.

A scream tore from her and soon enough, she was cursing the gods, “Where are you?! Why do you fail me time and time again?!” Her throat was raw and on fire. Her voice cracked, “Somebody save me.”

But no one answered her calls, not as she stayed there, kneeling in the sand, the reality of everything crashing down on her. There was no hope left, no bright and beautiful feeling.

The gods had never been there for her. Never.

Not when her parents died in that car wreck, not when she had to protect little Elide when she herself needed protecting, not when they made her fall for a heartless and cruel bastard, who carried a chip on his shoulder, going through life thinking no one had it as hard as he did.

It was stupid and childish to think they would save her now.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

The mood in Mission Control was somber, nobody daring to speak as Nox read off the message Aelin had sent. “…crops are dead. Complete loss of pressure sterilized the soil and boiled off whatever was left in the water reclaimer…”

The only upside was that Aelin had managed to store away buckets of water and didn’t have to worry about that. “How long does she have,” Asterin asked.

“Well, she can still eat the potatoes she has. We estimate about two-hundred days.”

“Rations get her to what? Day four-ten?”

“Yes, so with potatoes, she can stretch to six-ten.”

“Prelim calculations call for a four-hundred-day round trip.”

 “By day 868 she’ll be long dead,” said Manon, her face emotionless. Her eyes narrowed and she sucked on her teeth, “It’s day one-thirty-five right now, we need thirteen to mount the boosters and do inspections… which give RPL forty-seven days to make the probe. Darkness above, gods damn it.”

“How long does it usually take?”

Gavriel answered Nox, his voice defeated, “Six months.”

Weylan spoke to Gavriel, already standing and doing his suit jacket up, “I’ll let you tell Sartaq and his team.”

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Fenrys was sitting in front of The Lani’s communications computer, typing an email to Aelin. TNSB had finally given them the ok to speak with her and only Fenrys had been up to the task.

Dearest G-Money, he wrote, laughing quietly to himself, Apparently, TNSB deemed it appropriate for us to talk to you and I drew the short straw. Sorry we left you on Farnor, we don’t like you very much and we were all tired of you hogging shower times. The downside is we have to rotate through your tasks, but it’s only dirt (not real science). How’s Farnor?

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Aelin was crying as she read Fenrys’ email. Oh, how she missed them, so terribly. The day had been a long one, one where it seemed she couldn’t stop the tears even as she fixed the mess that had been made.

She didn’t think she’d ever been as heartbroken as when she was clearing out her ruined garden and dumping the dead plants outside. After she spent a few minutes mourning all her work, thinking to herself that the botany team would be thrilled she had finally failed, she got busy – covering the hole made in the hab by taping over a plastic tarp she would no longer need now that the greenhouse was useless.

The wind was making it flutter and flap, but it would hold as she replied to her friend.

My most beloved Fenny,

Farnor is fine. How’s The Lani? Cramped, with those two broody men? I accidentally blew up the hab, but fortunately, all your movies were spared which means tonight I’m going to eat plain potatoes and watch Mulan.

Everyday I go outside and look at the vast horizon, just because I can and guess what, I officially colonized Farnor.

I hope the girls are going easy on you poor boys, I know they can be rather ruthless when it comes to board and card games.

Say hello to the others and tell Lorcan that I’m gonna beat his ass if he’s still blaming himself.

After a few minutes, she read his typed reply, just two words, Will do.

Aelin did indeed watch Mulan as she ate her dinner and then, she got up, licking her plate clean and walking it to the sink before she sat down in front of her laptop once more, opening the video journal.

She wished so badly that she could be doing anything other than this, but enough was enough. She wasn’t a child and could no longer put this off. She owed it to herself and to her crew.

“Manon, it’s currently day one-thirty-six, around nine PM. I have a favour to ask of you, and I’m sending these to you, only you, because you’re the only one who will understand. Thank you for everything you did and thank you-“ her voice broke, “thank you for being my friend.”

Aelin took a second, her eyes shut as tears slipped past her lashes, “I want you to send these to the crew in case I don’t make it, ok?”

It took a lot to decide to send these, but Aelin pushed through, addressing the first one to Nesryn.

“Faliq… thank you for being you. Every day spent with you is one I cherish, because I love you so much. Thank you for getting me hooked on The Anatolia Story; it’s addictive. I’ve read fourteen out of twenty-eight volumes and I can’t wait to finish it, but I’m trying to ration them. I won’t forgive you for liking Twilight. Take good care of my goddaughter and your wife. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you guys. Every day I miss you.”

The rest of the letters went the same way, with her saying her last goodbye to her family. Every word had her throat growing tighter and tighter, until only Elide and Rowan were left. She didn’t know what to say to him, how to tell him she loved him so when she would be dead too soon.

Hot tears were streaming down her face and she looked crazy as she spoke to Elide.

“Ellie-Boo. I-“ she sobbed once and covered her mouth, “I love you so so much. To infinity and beyond,” referencing the movie that had their obsession with outer-space beginning, Toy Story. “There’s too much to say to you. You’re my person, baby girl. Without you, I would’ve probably wound up in a ditch somewhere. I want you to have the biggest wedding and a dress with enough sequins so that I can see it in the Afterworld. You are not allowed to be sad, no tears, Elide. I mean it. My funeral better be so much better than the one TNSB had – boooring!” Aelin smiled cheekily and then grew serious, the redness from her crying making the turquoise of her eyes pop. “Be happy, my darling sister. Because guess what, you and me? More than anything, we deserve to know happiness and you’re going to have to take my happy too. I love you, to infinity and beyond.” She pressed a kiss to her fingertips and touched the screen.

The letter she dreaded having to dictate was staring her in the face and Aelin stood up, walking around in circles as she attempted to order her thoughts. Eventually, she sat down, “…Rowan. I… there’s a lot to say, but I won’t ever be able to stop crying if I say everything. Basically, I love you. I don’t know how or when or even why, but I do. I’m completely in love with you, buzzard. And I wish I hadn’t been such a coward to keep it all to myself all this time. I wish that we could’ve been together and in the next life, I will find you and I will not be scared of it, ok? I will find you again and I will not be afraid.” 

She couldn’t say another thing and ended the video, sitting and staring at the wall until she finally fell asleep.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

an: that wasn’t a very nice chapter huh....anyhoo! comment/send me an ask to be added or removed from the tag list! thank you for reading darlings 

She typed a new one,

LTN: Are you there? 

Sartaq whispered to Gavriel, “She needs to know now.”

Gavriel swallowed, hard, and ignored the fact that his hands were shaking as he replied.

TNSB: We haven’t told the crew you’re alive.

TNSB: We need them to stay focused on the mission.

It took awhile for her to respond and when she did…

LTN: They don’t know I’m alive?

LTN: What the fuck is wrong with you?

LTN: Are you fucking shitting me right now?

LTN: If you are, fuck you, that shit’s not funny.

Uneasy laughter erupted across the room and Gavriel hastily answered.

TNSB: Aelin, please, watch your language

TNSB: This conversation is being broadcasted worldwide

LTN: Oh worldwide, really?

LTN: Worldwide can suck my fucking dick

LTN: I’m stranded on a fucking planet and my crew thinks I’m dead and you want me to watch my language?

LTN: Get fucked

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Manon walked into Weylan’s office with Asterin, a look of ‘I told you so’ on her face. He held up a finger and pointed to the phone, speaking into it, “Yes, ma’am. Yes, I agree. She’s under a lot of stress… we understand. We’re dealing with it… Thank you, ma’am.”

He hung up and looked at Manon, “I just had to apologize to the gods-damned prime minister of Terrasen for Aelin’s crass language. What is it?”

“Aelin is right. It’s only going to get worse the longer we wait.”

“You’re only bringing this up because Gavriel’s in Perranth and can’t argue against it,” Weylan commented, a determined set to his jaw.

Manon made a sound of disgust, “I shouldn’t have to clear it with Gavriel or anyone else for that matter, not even you. It’s time, Weylan.”

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Lorcan was in the ship’s gym, raising himself to the bar and lowering himself again, sweat running down his body.

He had his earbuds in and the music stopped, Nesryn’s voice coming through, “Commander?”

Dropping to the floor and landing neatly, he grabbed the hand towel and wiped his face, breathing hard, “Go ahead, Faliq.”

“Data dump is almost complete,” she said, referencing the private emails and other things that the crew had been sent.

“Copy. Coming to you.” He entered the zero-gravity corridor, rendezvousing with Fenrys, “You look like you’re in a hurry.”

The man grinned a giddy grin, “Nehemia had her six-month ultrasound yesterday, she said she’d sent the pictures.”

Lorcan smiled easily, he was happy for the couple. “Tell her congrats for me and also send along my condolences.”

Fenrys furrowed his brow as he pushed himself forward using the rungs alongside the walls, “Why condolences?”

“Because it’s probably just set in that she’s having your child,” he laughed and easily evaded Fenrys’ poor attempt to hit him as the rotating craft synthesized gravity and they slid down to the rec room, where everyone had gathered.

Lorcan paused by Elide, where she was sitting curled on a couch with her personal laptop on her lap, to crouch before her and take her hand in both of his, murmuring words too low for the rest of the crew to hear.

Nesryn addressed everyone, “Dump is complete and sending out personals right… now. I don’t need to see Fen’s weird pregnancy fetish shit; I’m scarred for life after the incident.” The incident in question was when Nesryn had accidentally mixed up an email and had opened his and Nehemia’s rather… heated conversation. Rowan huffed a laugh at the memory and everyone shared a look; this was the happiest they’d seen him in the three months since they’d aborted the mission without Aelin.

Fenrys groaned, “I told you, second trimester hormones are a bitch.”

“Whatever does it for you, just keep me out of it,” she said, laughter in her dark eyes, “Oh, huh. There’s a video message from Manon, addressed to the whole crew.”

Everyone made their way over to the computer, crowding around as Nesryn clicked on the video.

Manon’s face appeared on the screen and the video began to play, her voice coming through the speakers, “Lani, this is Manon Blackbeak. I have some news to share, there’s no easy way to put this: Aelin Galathynius is alive.”

The knowledge hit the crew like a freight train at full speed and they remained in shock as the message continued, “We know that’s a big surprise and you’ll have a lot of questions but as for the basics: she’s healthy and alive. We found out two months ago and I was ordered not to tell you. We’re telling you now because we have reliable communication with her and a rescue plan. We’ll send you a full write-up of what happened but know that this is not your fault. Aelin has heavily stressed this: it is not your fault. Take time to absorb this, your schedules have been cleared for the next two days. Send all your questions and we’ll answer them. Blackbeak out.”

“She’s…she’s alive?” Elide whispered, voice barely heard.

Fenrys was the first to crack, a slow smile spreading across his face, relief in his eyes, “G-Money lives.”

Nesryn and Elide both huffed laughs and the latter wiped her eyes, shaking their heads. “She’s alive,” Nesryn confirmed, a ghost of a smile on her face.

They all turned to Rowan, his façade slipping enough that there was an upwards tilt to the corners of his mouth. “Holy shit.” The doctor turned to Lorcan, who had remained silent, “Lor?”

“I left her behind.”

Fenrys shook his head decidedly, “We all left, L. All of us.”

The stone-faced commander clenched his jaw, his brow furrowing, “You were following orders.” His eyes shattered and when Elide reached for his hand, he shifted, keeping his gaze on the computer screen. “I left her.”

The group traded glances, not sure what to say. Elide rested her hand on his bicep and without another word, he shook off her hold and exited the room.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Nesryn wasn’t paying attention and her wife could tell. The green-eyed beauty paused in her retelling of their teenaged daughter’s, Evangeline, first date. “Nes?”

“Hmm?”

Lysandra chuckled, “You still there?”

“Oh,” Nesryn sat up straighter and smiled sheepishly at Lysandra, nodding, “yeah, it’s just… been a long day. Weird day too.”

Her wife tilted her head to the side, her brilliant eyes missing nothing, “You okay? Want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” she said, her smile growing as a redheaded girl popped her head upside down in the frame, her citrine eyes pressed up against the camera.

“Mama!” Evangeline sat down on the couch next to Lysandra, the fifteen-year-old wearing Nesryn’s TNSB hoodie, the scarred-over slashes on her cheeks stretching as she grinned. She pressed her hand against the screen and Nesryn copied the motion, her eyes watering.

“Hi, my darling,” she whispered, “how are you?”

“I’m good. I miss you, Ma,” she pouted, but soon enough her lips pulled into that brilliant smile of hers again, “I can’t wait to see you.”

“I miss the both of you so much and I can’t wait to see you either,” Nesryn replied, the sight of her family so happy and healthy mending her heart, even if it was just a bit. “Evie, your mother tells me you went on a date?”

Lysandra and Nesryn laughed as their daughter’s cheeks went bright red, her scars stark white against her flushed skin. “…maybe.”

“Tell me all about it.”

“Are you sure? It was a boy,” Evangeline said, a wrinkle to her button nose.

Nesryn faked a gagging sound and inhaled deeply, “I think I can handle it.”

The joyful chatter of their daughter soon spilled from the speakers and Nesryn gave her wife a soft look, mouthing I love you as she let the perfectness of her two favourite people in the world wash over her and strip away the day’s events. 

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

When Lorcan didn’t return for the rest of the night, the sadness that had erupted in Elide’s chest turned to anger and she sought him out, finding him in his bunk, staring at nothing.

He didn’t acknowledge her as she climbed up so she did what any sensible person would do.

She jabbed him in the side with her index and middle finger, finding the soft flesh beneath his ribcage, glaring at him when he cried out in shock and pain. He met her angered gaze with one of his own, irritation rippling in his dark irises beneath lowered brows. 

Elide shook her head, “Don’t know why the fuck you’re pissy with me now.”

He sighed, “What do you want?”

She raised a brow, tilting her head to the side and tracking his face with watchful eyes. “You’re being a dick and I’m not putting up with it so…” she made to leave, blinking back tears, but his hand shot out and wrapped around hers.

“Don’t go, I’m sorry,” he said, tugging her back into his lap. The bunk was already a tight fit for Lorcan, who at six-foot-four and two-hundred and ten pounds was at the maximum size restrictions to be an astronaut, so with Elide as well, it became even smaller. “I’m sorry.”

“You keep saying that,” she murmured, twisting to straddle his lap and brush his hair back from his eyes. “Why do you keep saying that?”

“Because I left the woman my brother loves on a planet, with practically no way to survive. Fuck,” he muttered, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the wall. “I don’t- I love you so much. I can barely breathe right without knowing you’re safe and I… I can’t help feeling guilty for condemning her to death. El.” He opened his eyes and flicked his gaze down to her necklace, where his dog tags laid between her breasts. The weight of her mother’s wedding band hanging on his own necklace had never felt more pronounced. “She might die, alright? And if she does, it will be my fault and I just… I can’t live with the knowledge of breaking Rowan’s heart like that.”

He took a deep breath, not used to speaking that much all at once. Elide offered him a gentle smile and framed his face with her hands, her eyes searching his, “I love you so much. Right now, Ae is alive and healthy, ok? That’s all we need to think about right now. If she dies, it will never be your fault and yes, it will hurt so much – more than anything. If she dies, the whole crew will be broken. We’ll be there for each other and for Ro, too.” She pressed her lips to his, kissing him so softly, it was heartbreaking. “Ok?”

All Lorcan could do was cup the back of her head and kiss her harder, selfishly thanking every god that it wasn’t Elide in Aelin’s place.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

an: welp....now they know! and as always, lovies, comment/send me an ask to be added/removed from the tag list!