#ms-demeanor

I DO NOT MIND AT ALL

BUCKLE UP KIDS

GOOD DAMN GLUTEN-FREE BRIOCHE

250g (8.8 oz) cornstarch OR potato starch OR arrowroot starch

150g (5.3 oz) tapioca starch

100g (3.5 oz) brown rice flour

50g (1.8 oz) millet flour

50g (1.8 oz) sorghum flour

30g (1 oz) gluten-free oat flour

20g (.7 oz) teff flour

1 tbsp xanthan gum OR guar gum

1 tsp salt

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20g (.7 oz) yeast

1 ½ tsp sugar

80 mL (2.7 oz or 1/3 c.) warm water

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25g flaxmeal, preferably golden

80 mL (2.7 oz or 1/3 c.) hot water

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40g (1.4 oz) honey

50g (1.8 oz) sugar

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5 large eggs at room temperature

1 tbsp apple cider vinegar

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113g (4 oz or 1 stick) butter plus ~50g (2 oz or ½ stick) separate (it should be possible to substitute coconut or olive oil, but I have not tested this)

320 mL (10.8 oz or 1 1/3 c.) half and half OR high fat unsweetened dairy substitute

NOTE ON MEASUREMENTS: Gluten free baking involves more precision than most other baking, because the flours weigh and behave differently from wheat flours. You could try to convert to volumetric measures with Google but I can’t guarantee that’ll work. This has been tested a hundred times or more with consistent, predictable results. Weigh your ingredients.

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Preheat your oven to 170 degrees F (or 75 degrees C).

Measure your flours, xanthan/guar gum and salt and whisk them together thoroughly in a mixing bowl and set to the side.

In a separate, large mixing bowl, combine yeast, 1 ½ tsp sugar and warm (NOT HOT, you will kill your yeast) water, and set in a warm space. Set aside and ignore it for five to ten minutes, or until it’s frothed up and doubled in size.

While the yeast is waking up, in a third small bowl (I know, we’re using all your bowls), combine your flaxmeal and the hot water until it turns into a goopy slurry.

Now, add the sugar and honey to the yeast bowl, along with the flax slurry, apple cider vinegar and four of the eggs. Mix well, then add a half cup or so of your flour mixture. If you’ve baked any sort of bread before, you know that we are making a sponge! This is the part where, if you’ve never made gluten-free bread before, things begin to look a little weird. It's gonna look kind of like thin, foamy cake batter, and that’s normal. Set aside until it’s just about doubled in size.

You don’t wanna let it over-rise because these gums and flax make great substitutes, but they don’t trap the gases from the yeast quite as effectively as gluten. In yet another (microwave safe) bowl, melt the first stick of butter. Stir in the half and half and microwave for thirty to forty-five seconds, or until warm-ish.

Now, mix in the rest of your flour blend to the sponge, adding in alternating increments with the butter/half-and-half mixture. If you’ve made gluten-having bread before, here is where things start to be very distressing, because this is not the sort of dough you can knead. In point of fact, this isn’t the kind of dough you can just throw on a stone in a nice ball; you need a pan. (No, seriously, pan not optional). This recipe makes either two small loaves, or a bunch of rolls, or a small loaf and rolls.

With a flourless cooking spray, liberally spray the interior of your pan(s) and transfer the dough so the pans are approximately 2/3 full. I recommend a spatula, and also spraying your hand with the cooking spray to assist said spatula, because this stuff is STICKY, like soda bread from hell. Smooth the tops of the dough as best you can, and slot your pans into your low-temp oven, because unbeknownst to you, you’ve constructed a no-budget proofer box! Set a timer for fifteen minutes and use the time to wash up, because by now your kitchen is a small disaster area.

Once your timer goes off, take your bread out to continue to relax and breathe in a cozy place in your kitchen and raise your oven temp to 375 degrees F (190 C). While the oven’s heating up, crack your last egg, whisk it, and brush it over the top of your dough with a pastry brush. Once your oven’s preheated, take a very sharp knife and gently saw some slashes in the top of your dough. (You want the slashes because they’re a.) necessary for rising and b.) attractive.)

For rolls, set your timer for fifteen to twenty minutes (loaves need closer to thirty or forty), but keep an eye on the oven. You want a golden brown top and ovens tend to vary on how they hold temp, but you’ll know they’re done when you jab them with a thermometer and they’re 190 degrees F (85-ish degrees C) in the center. Melt the final half stick of butter and give your bread a glaze while they’re still warm.

That’s a lot of very specific words, and maybe you don’t trust like that. Maybe you want visual proof that this isn’t a fool’s errand. Okay. Here’s a roll:

Huh. Whaddaya know, that looks pretty bread-like. But what about the interiors? You tell me.

That thar appears to be… hmm. What’s the word I’m looking for… ah yes. BREAD. IT’S BREAD. IT’S HELLA BREAD. IT IS IN FACT A BRIOCHE.

When it’s warm, it’s light and fluffy like some kind of miraculous cloud. When it’s cooled, it’s dense and hearty rib-sticking peasant bread. It freezes well. It thaws fine. Toast it, use it for sandwiches, crumble it up for breadcrumbs to make meatballs, drag it around a soup bowl to sop up the broth. LIVE YOUR TRUTH.

It makes bread pudding so good you see see god and french toast that’ll make your knees go out, no lie.

AAAAAASASSSHHHHGHGD FUCK.

I'm guessing you mean @thefearofcod ? For those of you who arent familiar, Laz is my boyfriend and we tend to take cute pictures like this