Is it okay to ask if thereʻs any resources or guide to coping with the guilt of being factkin of someone whoʻs recently revealed to have done something horrible?
Coping with Fact-Source Guilt
[Plain-text: Coping with Fact-Source Guilt]
by mod espresso [plain text: mod espresso]
hello, and of course it's okay! thank you for sending this ask. not all of them are specifically created for factkin, but we hope it can help a little. (✿◠‿◠)
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Preface
[Plain text: Preface]
disclaimer: i can't know your entire situation, but here are some advice, that i hope can help - your mileage may vary. take what works, discard what doesn't. everyone's experiences are different and you are the expert of your own experience. we can't dictate it for you, nor do we want to.
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first off, let me say that your guilt is valid. you're allowed to feel it, and don't have to rush it/get rid of it immediately. you are allowed to sit with your grief and cope with it in a way that helps you, even if it looks "bad" to others. examples: writing a letter to him and tearing it up at the end, making vent moodboards/aesthetic, drawing, journaling, making crafts, or even creating RPF of your source. you are allowed to do anything within your ability. you can ask people you trust to help too, if you have them.
also, if breathing/grounding exercises help you during this coping time, you can do that. if they don't help, don't do it. you don't have to force yourself to do methods that stress you out, worsen the guilt, or trigger disability symptoms.
just please be safe with it - e.g. practice harm reduction, don't burn paper or flammable objects in your living space, etc. but if you can't be safe with it, if coping hurts you, know that it's okay and you're not forever "a failure" or "tainted" or "will never be able to get over your guilt".
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secondly, there's nothing wrong with using resources not specific to alterhumans, such as looking up "how to cope with guilt" in general, or "how to deal with scrupulosity (moral OCD, where one has an obsession in trying to adhere to an impossible moral code and the compulsion to do all sorts of things to reach that moral standard)".
if it helps, it helps. you're not "stealing resources".
(regarding scrupulosity, the obsession can look like "i don't want to seem problematic to other alterhumans" or "i don't want to seem like i support him just for being joe hawley factkin" or "how do i make myself seem palatable to the widest audience?".
the compulsion could be hiding your identity, forced - instead of consensual - source separation, forcing yourself to campaign against him, impulsively deleting all his artwork that you saved on your devices/physically, etc..
of course, not every activity above can be seen as obsession/compulsion. however, if it's distressing to you, or give you problems in work/school/daily life/etc., it's okay to look for scrupulosity/moral OCD resources and find a community that may help.
imo, moral OCD can be hard to spot, and can be worsened by being close to fandoms who like to harass others.)
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thirdly, it's okay to rest from your source's artwork. it's okay to block his tags (whether the artist or the band or their work or anything related). it's okay to block people or need rest from the fandom. you may return later - or not return at all. factkin (and other fact alterhumans) of public figures shouldn't have to be involved with fan communities, historical communities, etc. of that figure.
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fourth, if you join communities or use resources, you don't have to show your identity. safety and privacy are important and you don't owe strangers information about your factkinity. you are not obligated to say every single detail, especially with people you do not trust.
of course, i get that it's nice when you can be fully yourself. but if, say, you join a community of ex-fans, or a moral OCD help forum, you don't have to say that you're joe hawley but you can say you're a fan of him who is struggling with guilt about liking him since he was outed as doing harm.
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Links
[Plain text: Links]
disclaimer 2: we are not affiliated with other blogs besides our own. linking is not endorsement.
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Resource 1: What to Do When Your (Fact-)Source’s Morals are Different from Yours and It Causes You Hurt by Mod Reaper of fact-anonymous
[plain text: resource 1: What to Do When Your (Fact-)Source’s Morals are Different from Yours and It Causes You Hurt]
here is the link to the post by mod reaper from this blog
This post talks about the guilt and hurt of finding out one's source has done harm, and how to cope with it. This post also links other posts (not alterhuman-specific) related to how to cope with liking an artist who has done harm, and how not to put someone on a pedestal, and to be open to change in yourself.
advice/support for a musician factive whose source is a Gen-AI user/supporter when they themselves hate it? context: he (my source) has men
while this post was written for a factive's question, you could adapt it to a factkin situation:
being a factkin is also a thought crime. it's an identity, not an action. actions you take depend on yourself, and everyone - you included - has the capacity for kindness. you aren't automatically going to do harmful things like your source.
you shouldn't have to be punished for being yourself.
now, some relevant quotes:
"You do not have to beat yourself/yourselves up for liking his work, idolizing him (...) or being him. It [resonating with a public figure's identity or artwork] is something that commonly happens in the era where mass and new media is so easy to access.
You do not have to immediately disavow every single thing about him, particularly his artwork, or say “he was always a bad person/his art was always bad anyway”. You don’t have to justify your existence, or your enjoyment of his art.
(...)
The important thing is to not put money where his mouth is. As in, the important thing is to not do actions that concretely support him financially or politically, e.g. buying his albums, retweeting his bigoted tweets, verbally justifying his harmful actions and views, etc."
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Resource 2: "Super Problematic" Factkins by ama-factkin
[Plain text: Resource 2: "Super Problematic" Factkins]
and here is the link to this post by @ama-factkin
this post talks about what OP thinks about factkin whose sources have done harmful things, as well as divinekin.
I'm just curious, how do you feel about super problematic fact Kins? Like people who kin Hitler/other dictators, Murderer's, things in the B
we will quote the important parts here:
"The kintype is not the action.
Being otherkin is not something that has moral weight. Being otherkin does not automatically mean you are a good or bad person. (...)
[Plain text: The kintype is not the action. Being otherkin is not something that has moral weight. Being otherkin does not automatically mean you are a good or bad person.]
I have a problem with individual people who do things and then blame those things on their kintypes.
I have a problem with people who engage in cult-encouraging behaviours whether or not they are otherkin.
I have problems with people who do cultural appropriation whether or not they are godkin.
I have problems with people who glorify dictators whether or not they are factkin.
I have a problem with people who make serial killers out to be cute little misunderstood angels whether or not they are factkin.
(...)
But being factkin/godkin does not make a person more likely to do these things, and people who aren’t otherkin do them every day.
In conclusion: I think all factkin and otherkin alike are valid and I maintain that a kintype is not an excuse for bad behaviour. What matters most is the way the person acts, not what identities they hold." (emphasis ours)
[Plain text: a kintype is not an excuse for bad behaviour. What matters most is the way the person acts, not what identities they hold.]
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Resource 3: How to deal with learning your source and/or source creator is a bad person by multiplicity-positivity
[Plain text: Resource 3: How to deal with learning your source and/or source creator is a bad person by multiplicity-positivity]
here is the link to the post by @multiplicity-positivity
This post talks about how it's okay to mourn/grieve the loss of someone you look up to, and links a resource about source separation in the end, so read at your own discretion. OP has stated that source separation is not mandatory, and I quote: "Please keep in mind that you do not have to completely and totally separate from your source in order to view them in a healthy, more distanced way. You can still identify as or strongly with your source while simultaneously acknowledging that you are your own person and are not responsible for the actions, thoughts, and decisions of your source."
💬 0 🔁 1 ❤️ 10 · Multiplicity Positivity · Hi! any idea of how to deal with learning your source and/or source creator is a bad person? it
relevant quotes here:
"it’s alright to mourn or grieve the loss of someone you and your system once looked up to. It’s alright to feel hurt or betrayed when someone you thought was a kindhearted person turns out to not have others’ best interests at heart. There are no wrong feelings. It’s alright to be sad or even distraught about this. We’d encourage you to feel your emotions and attempt to connect with them, sit with them, and ultimately, let them go.
(...)
Just because our sources made bad decisions or chose to take advantage of someone else does not mean we are doomed to repeat those mistakes. We are capable of learning from our sources, it’s true, and even acknowledging their mistakes as examples of how we can lead our lives a bit differently. And we can do this without repeating the actions of our sources or convincing ourselves that, because our source is/was harmful, we are harmful as well
(...)
we will stop engaging with their content in ways that benefit the artist, but that doesn’t mean we have to give up enjoying that artist’s work entirely."
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Resource 4: Coping Without Source Separation by cambriancrew
[Plain text: Resource 4: Coping Without Source Separation by cambriancrew]
while this isn't a factkin post, it can be useful, perhaps. post is by @cambriancrew.
are there ways to cope with being haunted by your source (not in the "source was am awful criminal" way) without having to change who you ar
A quote from here: "You don’t have to source separate to change your current and future self. Just be consciously choosing to be, moment to moment, a brighter, bolder, kinder, better person — to grow and learn and become the person you want to be."
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Resource 5: You shouldn't have to be punished for your memories of other lives by sarksdimension
[Plain text: Resource 5: You shouldn't have to be punished for your memories of other lives by sarksdimension]
a post by @sarksdimension - it's geared for other alterhumans but i believe that factkin can benefit.
I thought I’d relay something I’ve been told both by friends and my psychologist. It helps me feel better whenever I hear it, and I figured
"You shouldn’t be punished for things you’ve done in your memories of other lives. No matter what you remember doing, if you’ve done nothing wrong here and are trying to be better, that makes you a better person than you were before. (...) Even if you slip up, remember that recovery isn’t linear and everyone makes mistakes. If you just keep pushing to become better, and you want to become better, you’ll get there. I believe in you."
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Resource 6: Reassurance for Someone With Memories of Immoral Behaviour by hazyaltcare
[Plain text: Resource 6: Reassurance for Someone With Memories of Immoral Behaviour by hazyaltcare]
link to the post by @hazyaltcare
Warning for mentions of school shootings.
okay this is pretty. dark. but i cant help these memories and i just. i dont know. need some positivity/reassurance that im not a bad person
Quotes: "Your actions in this timeline matter far more than they do in any other, as this timeline is the one you have actual influence over. (...)
The fact that i’m able to acknowledge how fucked up the things I did in other timelines were actually have helped me grow as a person and have shown me the person I don’t want to be.
Don’t punish yourself over a life you remember when it’s one that’s completely outside of your influence. You can’t change what happened, just like you can’t change that kintype or who you are.
Be kind to yourself. You don’t need to justify yourself or your kintypes. Literally the fact that you know what you did in that timeline was wrong is enough.
Remembering bad things in other timelines doesn’t mean you are going to enact them in this one. Just like intrusive thoughts, exomemories are not indicative of your future actions."
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Resource 7: Source Controversy by hazyaltcare
[Resource 7: Source Controversy by hazyaltcare]
link to the post:
Hey if requests are open can I request some Deuce (from Hollywood undead/nine lives) positivity please since I’m just upset with all the con
Quotes: "It’s okay if you need to take a step back from all of it and unplug from what’s going on in your sourceself’s life. What’s happening to him isn’t a reflection of yourself and your character, and you’re not obligated to defend him.
Remember that when other’s say they hate him, they aren’t talking about you. Your sourceself’s controversy is not yours to bear. Being a version of Deuce doesn’t mean you are responsible for every other version of Deuce (your sourceself included!)"
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of course, we know that your source's actions affect others in this timeline. people who are still living here and now in this world. it's up to him to apologize to people that he targeted, to give financial compensation, etc.. even from a pragmatic point of view, it's not possible for you to do so. you're located in a different body that hasn't done that, maybe even in a different country. so, it's not your responsibility.
we hope this can help, and take care of yourself if possible. if it's not possible, know that you're not lesser for that. you are still worthy of kindness and respect no matter your capabilities - or your source's actions, for that matter.
~mod espresso [plain text: mod espresso]
