#missing each other

“Better? No,” he answered and she smiled. “Just a figure of speech, Me.” She laughed quietly and she heard him hum in response.

“What time? I don’t think we discussed the time.”

“That’s up to you, Doc. You’re the one working through the night.”

“There were some people who wanted time off to be with their families, so…” She shrugged and let out a sigh, closing her eyes as she realized how her words could be received.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you, Scully,” he said softly and she covered the mouthpiece so he did not hear the sob that bubbled up unexpectedly. She listened to him breathing as she tried to calm down.

“So what time?” she asked, letting out a breath.

“You need to sleep after your shift. At least for a little while,” he said and she nodded.

“Yeah. I don’t need long.”

“Hmm. I know.”

“Yeah.”

Silence fell and he sighed. She took a deep breath and was about to suggest a time when he spoke up.

“How about one thirty? At the bench?”

“Oh. Not… not a restaurant?”

“I could bring something. We could eat al fresco.”

“It’s supposedly going to snow.”

“Hmm… so dress warm.”

She laughed and then sighed, twirling the phone cord in her fingers.

“Okay. One thirty. I’ll dress warmly.”

“Sounds like a plan. See you soon, Doc. Me. Scully. All of you,” he said and she could hear his smile.

“See you soon,” she repeated, smiling as she heard the line click off.

_____________

She arrived a few minutes early, taking out a bag which she had packed with an extra jacket and a couple of blankets. Sighing as she locked the car and began to walk over to meet him, she wondered why this place, of all places, was where he wanted to meet.  

So many memories of meetings, lunches, and times together spent talking and holding hands, their relationship new. Then days on her own when she had needed to think, even crying at times, her heart breaking with the decision she had to make.

It had been a long time since she had been to the bench and even longer since she had been there with him. Nervous anticipation filled her as she continued on her way.

As she approached the spot, she saw that though she had arrived early, Mulder had beaten her there and had been busy.

The bench was laden with blankets and in front of it was the table she had bought a couple of years ago for their porch and one of the chairs that came with it. The table was covered with a green tablecloth and set for their meal.

Two bags of food sat on the bench and as she approached, Mulder looked up at her from his seat in the chair with a smile.

“When you said al fresco, you really meant it,” she said as she reached him, her eyebrows raised and a smiling playing at her lips.

“Never do anything half assed, right?” he asked as he stood up, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Right. Full assed is much better,” she teased, setting her bag down beside the bags of food.

“Exactly,” he replied.

She turned toward him and smiled, trying not to notice the Washington Monument behind him, as she thought once again of simpler times.

He looked good, as he always did, but as though he had made more of an effort than the last time she had seen him a couple of months ago. Well worn jeans, boots, a dark blue turtleneck he knew she liked, and the black coat she had gotten him for Christmas a couple of years ago, he looked more than good.

“Shall we?” he asked and she nodded. “Have a seat. I have more blankets in the backpack, if that’s not enough, though you did seem to dress warmly.” He smiled and she nodded.

“This should be fine,” she said, sitting down and taking a blanket from the bench to wrap around her legs.

His attention on the food, he did not hear her intake of breath as the scent of the blankets overwhelmed her. It smelled of him, of home, and it made her ache. Covering her gasp with a small cough, she blinked and wiped at her eyes.  

“So I got soup, sandwiches, fries, and if you eat well, there’s dessert.” He smiled and took out the containers, placing them on the table as he spoke.

“What’s the dessert?” she asked, opening the containers, her stomach growling.

“Apple turnovers.”

“Mmm,” she hummed and he laughed, setting the last container down, adding the bag of condiments. He sat down in the chair and they traded containers, sharing the food between them.

For the next hour, they discussed mostly her work and her patients. She told him of children she had helped and those she had lost, though she kept that brief, hating to discuss even one loss.

“Not as much to report with me, Doc. Been keeping busy at home… the house,” he said, glancing at her and then back down at his plate.

“Better to be busy, in any form, than not,” she said softly and he nodded, looking back up at her. They stared at one another for a beat and then simultaneously looked away.

“Oh, what a charming idea!” A woman said and they both turned to look at her. She smiled as she gestured to the table. “It’s a bit cold out, but how romantic and sweet. Merry Christmas!” She waved as she walked past them and Mulder smiled as he watched her and waved back, but said nothing.

Something changed in that moment, as though her placing a label upon it made what they were doing different than what was happening. What had felt light and near normal, now felt clumsy and heavy. A reminder that at the end of this time together, they would go back to their new lives.

“Dessert?” he asked, looking back at her, still smiling, though it did not quite reach his eyes.

Their lunch cleared away, he placed two turnovers onto two plates. They were still slightly warm and as they ate them, the heavy feeling seemed to have passed.

Or, they had gotten better at pushing their feelings down.

“Are you going to your mom’s? I don’t remember you saying if you had plans?” he asked and she nodded.

“She’s having dinner later for a few people. She asked if some people from church would be alone, some older parishioners especially, and she’s having them over.”

“Sounds about right,” he said quietly with a nod.

“I’m going over at around four thirty to help her out. Dinner is at six.”

“Six? Aren’t most of them in bed by then?” he teased and she smiled with a shake of her head.

“Possibly. But it’s a special night, maybe they’ll find fun in staying up past their bedtime.”

“Hmm,” he hummed with a nod.

Their dessert finished, they cleaned up and Mulder began to dismantle the table as she folded up the blankets and placed them into the bags he had brought.

“How many trips did you have to take with all of this stuff?” she asked with a laugh and he smiled at her.

“Just two, actually. Not too bad.”

“It was a good idea.”

“That’s why they used to pay me the medium bucks,” he said, pointing to his head. She laughed and double checked they had everything, before they began to walk back to their cars.

She glanced back at the bench and then the monument, letting out a quiet sigh. It had been a good afternoon. Different, but good. Choosing to focus on the good, she smiled at him, as he carried the table and chair he had so thoughtfully brought with him.

Different, but good was an accurate way to describe where they were at the moment. They were making progress and she hoped it continued.

All too soon they were standing by his car. They loaded up the back and he shut the door down, looking at her with a smile.

“Well, that was fun,” he said and she agreed. “Next time you buy? What’s the next holiday? Valentine’s Day? Hmm… maybe Saint Patrick’s Day would be more fitting…”

He grinned and she smiled, though she felt a sadness inside of her. Those were weeks away and she already missed him even though he was standing right in front of her.

“You missed one,” she said softly, and he frowned. “New Year’s Eve. And it’s just six days away.” She smiled and he hummed with a nod.

“You’re not working?”

“No.”

“Okay. I think I could… pencil you in,” he said with a small smile. She laughed softly and nodded.

“You do that,” she replied. “But maybe use a pen.”  He smiled and nodded and she smiled back.

“Well… I’ll let you get going. Tell your mom  I said hello and Merry Christmas.”

He smiled again, but this time it seemed sad. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask him to join them, but she knew it would be too awkward. For everyone. So she stayed quiet.

“I will. You be careful driving home. I’ll call you to be sure you’ve penned me in this time,” she said with a smile similar to his, bittersweet but hopeful.

“Okay,” he replied softly.

She stepped forward, wrapping her arms around his waist, burying her face in his coat, and breathing deeply. He held her, neither saying anything until they broke apart.

“Merry Christmas, Mulder,” she whispered.

“And to you, Doc,” he whispered back, his hand cupping her cheek. His fingers were cold, but she did not pull away. “See you in a few days.”

“Yes, you will.”

She smiled and stepped back, squeezing his hand as he moved it from her face. Nodding, he got into his car and she walked to her own. He honked as he drove away and she waved, wishing she could be with him, but knowing this was the right decision.

Back home, she showered and dressed for dinner at her mother’s house.

Before she left, she unpacked her bag, taking out her extra jacket and the blankets. Except… one was not her blanket, but theirs. She had put it into the bag when he was not watching, switching hers for one of theirs.

Holding it to her nose, she breathed in the scent of home, not the rather sterile apartment scent in which she was currently living. Laying it across her bed, she knew that tonight she would sleep well, enveloped by the familiar scent of the little house in the middle of nowhere.