So my parents have a lake house (Texas) and the community is very much older and very much white. They had their first black couple move into the community last year. Y’all, this community been here since 1930s. Anyway, my parents had a mixer tonight and this is a recording of the bullshit said to and around me (keep in mind, I’m a 22 mixed girl with a Mexican dad and a Mexican name, but I look and sound white af). I’m constipated and have drank a gallon of my own blood from biting my tongue so hard. Suffer with me.

“I won’t go to Europe because it’s just too dangerous for women these days, it’s all these muslim immigrants”

“I won’t go to Britain, there’s just too many Muslims now”

(“And you just can’t say any of this now, even if it’s true, all these kids are just so thin skinned, you know?”)

“Oh I’ll go to wales and stuff, they don’t do that, they tell those Muslims to get the hell out”

“Every times something goes wrong with my phone I take it to at&t”

“I got scared when I called the capital one help line because the person on the other end clearly wasn’t American, and it’s not like I’m afraid of Indians! I just don’t want to get my information stolen”

“I just can’t tell when one of those emails is a scam”

“Well you know, sometimes kids just need a little whoopin’, and look at me, I turned out fine”

“Kids today have no respect for their elders”

“Kids today are just so lazy they can’t even bother to raise their own children”

“How can these kids read books on their tablets?! That’s not even reading!”

“*Pro trump bullshit*”

“You’re such a good girl, so different from all those other millineals”

(After I told them about me going for a teaching degree) “oh honey that’s so noble, so when are you getting married?” (A. Is that a prerequisite to teaching? B. BITCH IM 22, SLOW YOUR ROLL)

“I don’t know what all these girls in Hollywood are all fired up about. They’re beautiful and wealthy and surprised men show interest?!”

“I don’t know how to work with these danged computers now, what’s the point of all this?”

“*insintuates my dad should have given me a white name so we could cut the Mexican ties*”

(Asks me abut my opinion on those “other” Mexicans)

“You know teaching is a hard profession to get into, right?” (Me (4 years into my degree): yA dOnT sAy KaReN?!)

(I put on a 24/7 live stream of Christmas music for background noise) “oh (my mom), how’d you get that from the YouTube’s? You’re so clever!”

Old man I don’t know: *hugs me tight, chest to chest and puts his hand low on my back* “have you been a good girl this year?” *winks* (all While looking down my sweater) (he hugged me twice btw)

Old lady: *fills up her empty wine bottle with wine from my moms box of wine and takes it home*

So desperate to feel anything

That they will fall for everything

That is anyone

With a pulse

A smile

And a kind word.

Born in a generation

Stong enough to break tradition

But weak enough

To stay emotionally dependent

On someone

To change the way they are feeling

That is pretending to be fine

While ignoring what they are feeling.

Born in a generation

That is impatiently waiting

Lonely

Contemplating

Experiencing moments of euphoria

While hiding the pain daily

That is

Hopeful and innovative

But still unable to make necessary changes.

Born in a generation

It's time to stop listening to your elders