#milkgate

And how about Borden and…Borden??

Spider-Man: Homecoming vs. Stranger Things 5

Has this milk been the national Cafeteria milk since the 80s?? 😆

so I’ve been thinking what’s there about milk, even had this idea that it was a way to mock milkvan, but then came across the wording “milk the franchise” and well 🌚 so they do know what we think of them lol but they also do show us that there’s no milk anymore, and no audience for that either :) no one’s awaiting near the milk booth, and the milk carton is in the trash and empty

(regarding events of March 8 & 9, 2025)

After seeing clips from Yunho’s live, I couldn’t help but notice the whole shelf of Tim Tams at the supermarket in Sydney. With encouragement from chat—who noted, among other things, how many times he mentioned how moist the biscuit becomes—I grabbed a pack. For science.

(Small language note: I don’t know if it’s a translation issue or something else, but “moist” is not the word I would use in this context. “Moist” is a cake that you’ve baked properly. What Tim Tams become after you suck liquid through them is soggy.)

I tell you, I was so pure-minded and focused on the original Tim Tam Slam concept—involving hot beverages—that I forgot to get milk. 🤦🏻‍♀️ But I fixed that the next day.

In total, I tried four different beverages. I got the “deluxe” mint chocolate Tim Tams, which I think are fudgier than the originals, so that might have affected the results. Sorry, me getting mint chocolate flavor everything is more important than precise science. :P

I’ll put the two major conclusions upfront: First, Yunho has the right of it, in that Tim Tams with cold milk was my favorite combination. Second, there is no way Yunho didn’t know what kind of mess would result from his demonstration. I love his devious little mind.

Control: Dry Tim Tam

Nice pairing of textures with the fudginess and the crispy biscuit. But it does seem to be missing a little oomf.

Experiment 1: with Cold Bottled Coffee

Ok now I understand that funny lapping noise that Yunho was making. You pull in a lot of air. It took a while for the biscuit to get mushy, but it was quite delicious mushy. Coffee and chocolate is of course always a good flavor combination. I definitely ended up with coffee running down my chin.

Experiment 2: with Warm Peppermint Tea

The Slam definitely works better with dairy-based beverages, at least for the fudgy Tim Tam flavor I had. Tea is just too watery. Even with the lukewarm tea I had (I was scared of doing a hot beverage and then waited too long) the Tim Tam got mushy much faster and basically melted in my mouth and I had to scramble to eat it before it all fell in the cup.

After this attempt, I felt like I understood the “physics” of the Slam and how it's impossible to do without making a mess, which I’ll explain more below. (Speaking as a casual Tim Tam Slammer(?), which I would assume Yunho is also. I won’t speak for the Aussies and Kiwis and others who do this regularly.)

Experiment 3: with Cold Milk

A great flavor combination. It felt like the cold kept the chocolate shell firm, so the “straw” actually lasted a long while. Seemed like the biscuit took longer to get soggy, too. I also learned that sucking slowly and steadily works much better than shorter bursts.

Experiment 4: with Warm Milk

Warming the milk kind of mutes the harmony of the milk and chocolate flavors—the milk becomes just this buttery richness instead of the cool and refreshing contrast to the chocolate—but texture-wise it’s kind of more pleasant because the biscuit softens nicely at the same time the chocolate parts melt, until you have to suck this whole lava thing into your mouth. (I love chocolate lava cakes and the like.) It definitely left milk and chocolate everywhere.

Here’s a bad, hopefully not-too-gross closeup:

Immediately after, I was torn between cold or warm milk, but certain that milk was the best pairing. Ultimately I finished the pack with cold milk, which is delicious and also a lot less hassle. (I warmed the milk like you do baby bottles, in a hot water bath.)

The “Physics”

So—and this seems obvious in hindsight but I needed to actually do the Tim Tam Slam to think this through—I don’t see how you do this without a mess. As shown in the very poor but color-coded drawing below: The biscuit (brown) is short, so to keep the tip submerged you have to both tilt the cup (black) and stick your lips (yellow) inside the rim. Which means your lower lip almost necessarily contacts the liquid (blue) in order for the biscuit to be drawing in anything. And as Yunho discovered so, um, animatedly, the issue just gets worse as the cup gets emptier.

Carry On: 12 milks, 11 actual milk, 8 unique occurrences.

2.32% milk

Wayward Son: 11 milks, 3 actual milks (not counting a coconut milk and evaporated milk), 6 unique.

3.10% milk

Any Way the Wind Blows: 17 milks, 16 actual, 10 unique.

2.96% milk

Maybe “milk” will be our “always”.

He shoves a casserole dish into my arms, then grabs some forks. “Milk?” he asks.

“Milk,” I say. I’m grinning, I can’t stop grinning.

Check out this summer’s hottest new television show, starring our faves @rainbowrowell, Simon Snow, Basilton Grimm-Pitch, Fiona Pitch, and a whole lot o’ milk: