An Honest Reflection on Age-Play
It’s no secret that having a fetish is considered abnormal by wider society, no matter how mainstream some of them may be (i.e. feet and even pet play). With the rise of anti-kink discourse and conservatism in general, more and more people believe that anything that falls outside of typical adult sexual behavior is inherently problematic and considered a moral failing. You unintentionally internalize such messaging, leading to feelings of guilt and shame.
This is especially true if you have a kink or fetish that’s considered taboo. In my case, it’s age-play.
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The way I practice age-play is more akin to age-dreaming/regressing rather than something tied to power-exchange dynamics or ABDL. I consider myself a middle, as I engage with things that make me feel like a young teenager or older child (10-14 years old). However, given that I’m still conscious of my adult mind and body, sexual feelings, behaviors, and thoughts often bleed into it.
For years, I have felt ashamed of myself having an age-play kink. I convinced myself that it’s inherently problematic because I’m involving childlike behaviors and objects into something that is intended for adults; it’s a moral failing because I engage with adult content while in my middlespace. Ultimately, I’m sexualizing my childlike state which is pedophilic.
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I understand that this mindset is not only wrong but harmful. It perpetuates negative beliefs about people who engage with age-play, leading to criminalization in some cases. It’s completely misinformed, emerging from a fundamental misunderstanding of BDSM, adult psychology, and neurodivergence.
Despite reaching out to online counseling services, discussing it with my former therapist, and talking to my close friends & ex partner, I still can’t shake the guilt I have. I’ve been in a constant cycle of embrace, shame, and disdain since I was 18 years old.
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It truly brings me joy to be a middle and get into that headspace. Being able to relive a period of my life where I didn’t need to grow up and rid myself of what gave me comfort is important to me as an autistic person.
I wish that I could accept that this is part of who I am, both sexually and non-sexually.
Most importantly, I wish that there were more therapists and counselors that specialize in helping people who deal with shame and guilt over sexual fetishes/kinks.
