#microtip

It’s the fourth day of a brand new year. Funny how we can hardly wait to rip open packaging to new presents but are filled with nostalgia and teensy bits of terror at the idea of unveiling a new year.

And still, even while its the fourth day of a shiny new year we find ourselves musing over the year that was. Or at least that's where I find myself right now.

Where did that year go? I had just about managed to unravel last years’ wrapping, now I'm to struggle with an entirely different present.

By the looks of it, and in retrospect (wow, it’s already classified as hindsight) 2015 seems to have been quite a wholesome year. Unfortunately that feeling only arises in retrospect, during most of the year I found myself battling with actually feeling (for lack of a better word) any of the moments that should have inspired sonnets, poems and maybe even love songs.

The last year, summarised, was success and small victories, it was love and it was closure, it was fear and failures but most of all it was a whole lot of numbness. Cross analysing 2015, as it turns out, was a whole lot of lying to myself.

Having lived almost 23 years, and knowing a fair share of people, I’ve come to know and accept that most of us disappoint ourselves from time to time. However, the disappointment often springs from having sky high expectations and being harsh critics of ourselves, - Ive concluded that the past year I bore and was neither of the two.

The first half of 2015 I was lost and confused (I've definitely brought this with me to 2016) but there seemed to be some semblance of drive and a goal, even if it was something circumstances had thrust upon me. I'm grateful for it, Im grateful to be able to be confused, be disappointed in myself, to have even a  semblance of anything, most of all I’m grateful to be able to move forward. Even though today I can't even, here's hoping for more of the good stuff for everyone. More presents, and more ferocious unwrapping. 

Journal Entry. January 4th, 2016 Artwork : April, 2016, untitled & unabashed.