#methylfolate

I have Major Depressive Disorder among other things and I do not recall a time in my life where I was not depressed and extremely tired. Meds help, but left me with low-key depression instead of stay-in-bed-for-months depression.

My dad was poking around on a science news site a couple of weeks ago and because he knows my siblings and I are freakishly flexible (I can pull both shoulders out of socket. The idea of a dislocated shoulder is meaningless.) he sent me info on a gene mutation that impairs your ability to convert folate into its active version methylfolate, so he told me to try out a methylfolate supplement. I've been on it for over 2 weeks and my dad, the husband, and the siblings are shocked at how much more active I am after taking this supplement.

The quick diagnostic test to see if this may help is to make a number 4 sign with your thumb and see if your thumb goes to the edge of your hand or further.

There is a "medical food" called Deplin that is prescribed as a drug that is added to your medication regimen to help boost its effectiveness. Deplin is methylfolate. The therapeutic dosages for MDD are 7.5mg and 15mg, with the higher dosage being more effective in clinical studies.

I'm telling you all this to say this OTC supplement that you can buy in therapeutic dosages is actually working for me. And this mutation apparently occurs in 30 to 40% of the population. Like, I'm now able to go to my demanding job for 8 hours and then do some low-key exercise afterwards on the daily. Two weeks ago, I probably would have just laughed at you if you'd suggested the same thing.

I’m almost halfway through the book, what I’ve learned (keep in mind, I’m reading this while I basically only care about PCOS and being over 35, not about DOR or other causes of infertility):

PCOS can cause low quality eggs due to oxidation (additionally, being as ancient as me can also increase oxidative stress on eggs). So, because of that, antioxidants should be taken months before IVF, ideally 3-4, when the eggs first begin their development. 

If you have PCOS you should not take DHEAs, unless you fall into a particular subgroup that I don’t. 

CoQ10 is something everyone should take (it helps your mitochondria, also pay attention to if it’s the activated form or less active form), in addition to a quality prenatal, and you may as well take methyl-folate, it’s cheaper than testing to see if you have MTHFR, and as long as you take it in a reasonable dose, it won’t cause issues. 

heres a random confession: i've been dealing with suicidal thoughts for a while. it has somewhat gotten worse lately but i dont have any plans to act on it, its more of a feeling that i wish my situation was different than it currently is. i think things would be good if i was dead, life for everyone could move on and i wouldnt be a burden to them anymore. but im also too scared to do anything. i am dying regardless, my body has slowly started to give up and ill probably be dead by this time next year from my disease. then everyone can be happy again.

its a bit hard to explain the feeling of wanting to die, but also not at the same time, added with the complexity of being in a shitty situation with my health. my doctor has given me new medication - methylfolate - which might help treat my condition and in best case scenario, revert the elevated levels of homocysteine and give me back my life. but i dont know yet. i started the medication last week and ill take a test next month to check if its had any affect on me. i have one last backup plan if this doesnt work but it is very expensive and i hope it doesnt come to that, but i have saved money for a trip to germany to get the necessary stuff i need injected. but again, expensive stuff.

i am also struggling with feeling lonely. ever since my family threw me under the bus after the man who raped me died i have been struggling more than usual. i guess you could pinpoint that moment to me starting to feel suicidal. i feel like a massive burden. i am a massive burden. i wish i was loveable, i wish i could be loved. i dont know how to deal with anything.