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M, whoever you are, thanks! Thanks for giving me hope! Even though I donât have access to the high-resolution scanner, I will be able to post your story as a series (for now) using my sad little document scanner. #messageinabottleproject lives on! #art #hope #torontoartist #spoonie #medication #callforentries
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Every Single Needle
Iâve had Type 1 Diabetes since I was 9 years old and I hate it. I hate taking needles and bloodtests. I say theyâre no big deal, that they donât hurt, but they do. Every single needle, every single time, multiple times a day, every day. I hate that no matter how careful I am with my sugars Iâm still guaranteed to suffer the ill-effects of diabetes. Iâm immunocompromised, my vision is and will continue to deteriorate, every pregnancy was high-risk and both of my babies were born hypoglycemic. I hate seeing specialists and having bloodwork done. I hate feeling weak, shaky and scared when my sugar is low and i hate feeling sick and exhausted when my sugar is high.
I hate that I have diabetes, but I am very fortunate that injectable insulin is available to me. I might not be alive today if it wasnât.
Not Worth The Side-Effects
Not worth the side effects.
To Be Well âI need medication to be well.
 I hate having to say so to people who donât also suffer from mental illness. They usually donât understand why I âneedâ a medication to regulate my mood. But I do - and Iâve struggled long and hard to accept that. Iâm thankful that there is medication that allows me to be well.â
It Takes Strength âAbout ten years ago, I finally admitted to myself I couldnât do it alone anymore. I walked into CAMH and asked for help. Over the subsequent months, I was diagnosed with OCD and depression, and was prescribed citalopram. I was lucky; the first medication prescribed did the job nicely. But about two years ago, I noticed I was struggling again. After it was determined to not be related to another health condition, I began racking my symptoms more closely and began to suspect it was PMDD. I got referred to a specialist earlier this year and she confirmed my suspicions. Itâs a mild case, but âmildâ is potentially debilitating at times. Without medication I can sleep for up to 18 or more hours a day (12-14 is average), and I have several days a month where thoughts of suicide crowd out all else. With medication, I still feel blue andmenstr draggy but thatâs a hundred times better than unmedicated. My medications combined cost me almost $14 a day, but thatâs small compared to the wages I was losing to my illness.Â
 The first time I asked for help, it took me nearly 20 years to ask, in large part because I didnât want to be someone who needs medication to be ânormalâ. The second time only took so long because I was waiting on a referral, and I was afraid to switch to a medication that might do worse instead of better.
 To anyone who knows deep down that they could use a hand, ask. Donât wait as long as I did. You deserve to really live, and taking medication is noting to be ashamed of. It takes strength to admit weakness.â
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Suffering is not noble
Suffering is not noble.
Why, if you claim to care about me and my health, would you insist I suffer through an affliction if there is a safe, cheap, simple readily-available way to help me through it?
Mesalanine
used for Crohnâs disease or ulcerative colitis.
a maintenance dose is two tablets or 2.4 grams per day and costs $118.76 per month
a treatment dose is four tablets or 4.8 grams per day and costs 237.51 per month
Apparently, I can either afford to have Crohnâs disease or ever move out of my parentsâ house. But I cannot afford to do both. Because that would just be greedy or something.
Little Did We Know I found this half-empty bottle and I had no recollection of taking this medication. Only by looking at the date I remembered how anxious I was when my wife Alla and I were expecting our boy, so my doctor decided to help me with this anti-anxiety medication. Little did we know that it would be of no use when my wife had a heart failure two weeks later, went into coma, and died on Christmas day.
Difficult Decision
âThis is a hormone to treat the symptoms of menopause. It was a difficult decision to medicate myself against one of lifeâs normal processes but I have no regrets. Iâm told Iâll take it for the rest of my life. Iâm grateful that this is available to women of my generation. In the past women would have suffered through the hot flashes, night sweats, and depression with no help.â
