#mentorwise

Yes, we all know that in less than two weeks, the New Year will arrive - ready or not.  Which means that many of us will be making those New Year resolutions.   But before you go down that path, I encourage you to stop and reflect a bit on this past year.  

Too often, we have the tendency to want to leave the old year behind and start fresh with the new.  By stopping and looking back, we can reflect on what worked well during the past year and what has not worked for us.  Taking the time to reflect, before establishing our new goals and plans, enables us to learn from the past and thus, increase the likelihood of being more successful in the New Year.  

As a mentor, this is a good time of year to encourage your mentee to invest some time in reflection.  And of course, it couldn’t hurt for you to do the same. 

Whether you are doing some reflection on your own accomplishments, challenges and set backs in 2013, or mentoring someone through a conversation on this topic, following are some questions that are useful to ask: 

What have I experienced this year?

What did I achieve in 2013 that is worth celebrating?

What regrets do I have?  Tell yourself the truth as to why.

What is true for me now? 

What do I want to take with me into the New Year?

What changes do I want to make?

How will 2014 be different?

The idea came to Kathy Korman Frey back in 2009 when, as a business professor and mother, many young women asked her the same question about “how did she do it all.” Instead of telling her story over and over again, she created the Hot Mammas Project, where she told her story in a case study format and made it available to all.  Then she began collecting stories from other remarkable women throughout the world -- women, who are striving to build successful careers and have rich, full lives outside of work. 

The idea being that if young women could read stories about successful women, they would start believing that they could also have such a life and it would enhance their confidence to follow their own dreams. And according to Frey’s research, it seems to be working!

Mentors can learn a thing or two about the power of storytelling from these Hot Mammas.  Stories help people relate to one and other.  The lessons shared are often quite memorable, because the emotion behind the story makes it more compelling. Emotion wins over logic most of the time.  And as the Hot Mammas demonstrate, a relatable story can change someone’s mindset and help them see new possibilities for themselves. 

As a mentor, consider how you tell your stories when you are asked for advice or when you want to share a different perspective with your mentee.  Some of us are natural storytellers.  But if you don’t feel confident in your storytelling capability, here are some tips about making your stories more compelling, and thus effective: 

Start with the end in mind.  What is the takeaway message?

Keep it short.  A lot can be shared in a story that is one to three minutes long.  Going longer can lose the listener or take you off point.

Use real emotion to touch people hearts and minds. 

What is the compelling part of this story?  Often its how you or others dealt with conflict, obstacles or fear.  Paint a vivid picture of what was overcome and how.

And the moral of this story is.....oh, never mind.  If it’s a good story, the listener or reader will get the takeaway message. 

    Resource notes:  Read more about the Hot Mammas Project at their website http://www.hotmommasproject.org/competition.aspx and in Brigid Schulte’s article, “Mission: Seeing, believing” in the Washington Post on 11/3/13. 

“The world isn't just the way it is. It is how we understand it, no? And in understanding something, we bring something to it, no? Doesn't that make life a story?” ― Yann Martel goodreads

Think about that quote.  How do stories impact the mentoring conversation?  The stories that we bring into the conversation – about oneself, about our mentee, about the organization.  The stories that our mentee holds and tells – about her experiences, about her situation, about her strengths and weaknesses.

As human beings, we make sense out of our experiences by turning them into stories.  Stories help us communicate our experience to others.  But those stories are just our interpretation of the situation or experience, and that interpretation or story changes over time, as we layer on more stories of our life experiences.

Does that mean we can’t believe the stories that our mentees share?  To me, it means that being aware that these are “just our stories” can help inform and add value to the mentoring conversation, in these ways:

Listen for your mentee’s story.  What beliefs, values and assumptions are reflected in that story?  This provides deeper understanding and empathy.

If you notice that your mentee’s story may not be serving them, ask the mentee directly, “How is that working for you?”

Notice your own listening.  What stories of your own are you bringing into the conversation?  A clue that your own story might interfere with your listening is when you begin to think, “I would do X, if that were me!” 

Millennials, those people between the ages of 13 and 33, seem to get lumped together with some misleading and often negative labels, especially when it comes to the workplace.  They are often seen as a generation of entitlement and narcissism.

As a parent, co-worker, and mentor to Millennials, I think it is time to clear up some misconceptions.  After all, by 2020 over 50% of the workforce will be made up of Millennials! Millennials happen to be the most educated, tolerant, technology-oriented and global-minded generation; yet, they also are the most under-employed and in debt generation. 

So what are some of the ramifications of mentoring a Millennial?  Here are five things to consider:

Be a co-conspirator. Millennials don’t respond well to authority figures, but want someone who will co-create and partner with them.

Help them explore what gives them meaning and purpose in their life; purpose is a strong value for most Millennials, but many haven’t figured out what that purpose is, yet.

Encourage Millennials to consider how they can contribute in their current role or situation; and how it will support their growth and take them closer to their true calling.

Understand that a vast majority of Millennials are willing to work hard, especially if it is something they consider important.  Helping them see the value of their contributions can improve job satisfaction and engagement.

Be real.  Millennials value authenticity. Don’t be surprised to learn that most do not see a difference between who they are at work and at play.

When it comes to mentoring also consider this -- 75% of Millennials want a mentor! But also be aware that 65% indicated that they should be mentoring older co-workers on technology issues and getting things done more efficiently.  If you do have a mentoring relationship with a Millennial, what a great opportunity to take advantage of some reverse mentoring!

Resource note:  If you want to learn more, listen to this interview with Anne Hubert, Sr VP at Viacom’s Scratch, where she shares insights on what makes Millennials tick. “Visionary Leader, Extraordinary Life” radio program with Nebo’s Kate Ebner.

Every day is an opportunity to create a new story.  Just think, a few weeks ago Phil Mickelson was the loser, the second-place guy, who could not win a big major.  This week, he is the 43 year old golfer who is getting better with age, having just won the British Open with a come from behind win.  In interviews after his win, Mickelson said that he did not want the loss at the US Open to define him and that it motivated him to focus on playing his best golf. 

Mickelson’s win is testament to the value of learning from one’s disappointments, failures and losses and being able to come back stronger, the subject of my last M~W post.  But it also shows how quickly the story can change -- not only in the media, but also in the people’s minds who watched Mickelson play and heard him speak. 

Most of what people know about us is from the stories that we tell.  Are the stories that your mentee tells serving them well and supporting their stated purpose or goals?  As a mentor, listening for these stories and sharing when you perceive that might be a disconnect with the mentee’s intent can be extremely valuable to your mentee.  Often your mentee won’t even realize how others are hearing their story – they are just too close to it.     

Here are some mentoring tips for helping someone change or reframe their story to serve their purpose more effectively:

Repeat back what you heard from the story, so the mentee can hear it in someone else’s words

Ask about the mentee’s intent: for example, “What are you hoping to accomplish?” or “How do you want to be perceived?” 

Discuss possible outcomes and test to see if the mentee thinks he will get the desired outcome based on his current story

Explore what changes the mentee may want to create and how she can support that with her story