Here are some examples I have come up with and collected for the D&D spell Vicious Mockery. For those who are not D&D nerds like me, vicious mockery is a spell where you roast your enemy with insults and it causes them actual mental damage! You can insult somebody till their head actually explodes!
Sometimes it can be hard to come up with a roast on the fly, they are usually better when they fit the situation but here are some examples that could start you off.
“By the way is your Boyfriend Single. He should be.”
“I would be afraid to do your husband. I’m more woman than you and all 4 of his current mistresses combined”
“In order to learn something you would first have to listen to something other than the cavernous sounds of your own ignorance”
“You are so ugly, that if somebody painted your picture you wouldn’t need a nail or hammer to hang it, the Picture would hang itself for looking like you.”
“Do you use your right hand or your left hand to wipe your ass? Because I use Toilet paper!”
“Of the 4 men your wife is currently fucking, are you one of the side hoes or the idiot who doesn’t know about the others?”
“One day you will have to face whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe and you’ll have to justify being a complete waste of space.”
“If you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless!”
“I’d like to have an intelligent conversation, so please stop talking.”
“You’re not worth me taking the time to come up with another quip. You’re just another dumb minion.”
“The day you were born, neither of your parents showed up!”
“Your mother is a whore, which is much more successful and respectable than anything you have done with your life.”
“I would try to see things from your point of view but I would never be able to fit my head up my ass.”
“Which hurts more, thinking or seeing your own reflection.”
“Do you know the difference between your face and your ass? Neither do I!”
“You couldn’t even cast a Shadow.”
“I wrote you a poem. Roses are Red, Violence is too. No one here is afraid of you.”
“You seem ill equip for battle, of martial or of wit.”
“You could have asked my permission before showing me something so hideously disgusting.”
“I guess combat is over since there are no significant threats left”
“Was that stick always up your rear, or was it a failed attempt to pleasure yourself.”
“You look like something your father shat out.”
“The last thing you vanquished was your mother’s respect.”
“I need to know, is your head only for decoration? I think you need to get yours replaced.”
“Sorry to interrupt your evil monologue, hold on…what was your name again?”
“You could not pour water out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.”
“Go back to the sewers and be among the shit where you belong.”
“I know you are an assassin but I didn’t know you were hired to kill fashion.”
“This fight will last longer than you do in bed.”
“S’cuse me, I would like to talk to the real boss, cause I know this operation wasn’t cooked up by somebody who’s IQ is below Room Temperature.”
“You have three active braincells but lost one and the other two are still trying to find it.”
“As an outsider what’s you perspective on intelligence”
“You make it really difficult to underestimate you”
“You don’t need beauty sleep, you need a coma.”
“Your family tree is a cactus cause you’re all pricks”
“You’re not a complete idiot, some parts are missing”
“You are non of your best friend’s best friend.”
“Your Mother was a Hamster and your Father smelt of Elderberries”
“Your body is a Temple to an Idiot God!”
“I’m glad you're tall...It means there's more of you I can despise!”
“Ugh. What the hell is that all over your face? Oh...its just your face!”
“I swear, if you were any worse at this, you'd be doing our job for us!”
“Some day you'll meet a doppelganger of yourself and be disappointed!”
“Are you always stupid, or are you making a special effort today!”
“Some day you'll go far and I hope you stay there!”
“I’d like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!”
“I would insult you, but your very existance is the greatest insult to all”
“I’d insult your parents, but you probably don't know who they are!”
“I’ve met Wheels of Cheese sharper than you”
“I see some small village is missing its idiot”
“Tell me, did you run away from your parents, or did they run away from you!”
“I expected you to be taller”
“If I paid for 20 idiots and all I got was you, I’d still have gotten my money’s worth.”
“If you were any dumber, you’d need instructions to breathe.”
“I’d fight you with my pocket knife, but I think it would give you length envy”
“If I had a copper piece for every time someone complimented your face, I’d be in debt.”
“I thought this was a battle, not a comedy show.”
“Will you hit me already, you are boring me. You are boring.”
"Congratulations! You're a failure."
"I didn't cast Feeblemind yet."
“If ever there was a wise decision you were to make in your entire life, you’d fall to your knees right now and beg for mercy.”
“In a land of the stupid, you are crowned king.”
“You are about to eat more shit than the last person in the human centipede.”
“Ooh, I'm a ghost! I get to moan all day and whine about how sucky my life was!”
“Only a God could have meticulously crafted every detail about you so intricately to be this much of a pathetic loser.”
“In the battlefield or the bedroom, this won't take long"
"All powerful yet you hide from me in the shadows"
"Surrounded by ghouls and zombies yet you're the most hideous thing I've seen"
"Which god's teet are you latched to these days?"
“Pardon me my good Bitch. Do you see all the fucks I give?”
“I’ve seen better asses on the donkey ranch!"
“I cant decide if your a criminal or an orphan.....but then again, a criminal is actually WANTED”
"Not even Hells outhouse can make you into Hot Shit!"
"You look like the type of person who would have 1-2-3-4-5 as the combination on your luggage."
