I went to an addiction recovery meeting last night. I was drunk and high but like at least I've started the process. At the next meeting I will have been sober for at least 5 days (I've still got two spliffs left I'm not letting it go to waste let's be real). Going to the meetings gives me some kind of accountability and because it's done through the Buddhist centre it's done with so much love and kindness, there is no (outward) judgement and I'm doing it with a friend who I usually smoke with so that's removing an obstacle and allowing us to be able to take this valued friendship with us on our sobriety journeys.
I'd be lying if I said I'm not nervous about what's to come. I've used drugs/drink as a way of coping for so long that I really am scared to see how I'll react when something next goes wrong and I'm terrified that I'm gonna reach out for ket again. That's a path I really don't wanna go back down and the weed has been helping me stay away from the good shit but without that I know I'm gonna feel so fucking tempted. But it's time to be brave and be strong and just fucking do it. I've done it before and I know I can do it again. And I'm gonna help my mate get there too, so I'm also excited to see where this takes us and I feel relieved that I'm finally doing what I know is right.
