#maybe aspergers

(will probably get updated as time goes by)

Visual-ish

- transparent (sometimes translucent) colored items that I can observe but also chew hold: soaps, beads, buttons, small toys, you get it.

- transparent objects filled with water and glitter: toys, shakers, lava lamps, 90′s stationary, cups (usually for kids), that sort of thing (bonus: sound!)

- objects with 2 or more different types of liquids with different density: paperweights, those 90′s bathroom sets with the blue liquid and the duck floating, lava lamps (again)

- anything covered in glitter and ALL kinds of glitter (fine, chunky, shaped, etc)

- BUBBLES. Making them, seeing them, popping them. Bubbles.

- fluorescent/phosphorescent things (bonus if contrasted with dark backgrounds): highlighters, glowsticks, etc. 

- iridescent things

Olfactory

- petrichor

- fresh / clean linen

- scented pens

- almond oil

- Lots of essential oils, too many to list (but i can make a list if someone wants me to) they help with anxiety, ADD, etc

- citrus scents

Objects (tactile? or just things that I love and/or have had collections of)

- novelty erasers

- liquid motion paperweights 

- lava lamps

- pencilcases (so.many. pencilcases. sorry mom)

- gel pens

- skulls

- stuffed animals

- those little plastic things that look like 3-legged tables that sometimes came in pizza boxes

- ROCKS AND CRYSTALS

- backpacks (the weirder, the better)

Physical 

- being completely submerged/ under water 

-  bouncing leg

- squishing my own face

- rubbing the tip of my fingers against each other and feeling how soft it is

- weighed objects

- SWINGS! (to bad my adult ass doesn’t fit in them :( )

- petting really soft textures like stuffed animals and fuzzy blankets

- squishing things in general 

Safe/fave foods

- BREAKFAST FOODS: coffee, scrambled eggs, cereal, pancakes, porridge, soft-boiled eggs, french toasts, etc

- donuts!

- strawberry milk

- sandwiches

- fruits

- cheese

- anything pasta-related

Special Interests and hyperfixations through the years

- dogs

- space

- specific colors : blue, purple, black

- languages (and everything related)

- airplanes

- giant squids

- the global weather forecast (interactive real-time maps make me go apeshit) ( i guess it could count as a visual stim too?)

- PINK ELEPHANTS

- Cajun history, culture, music, food... everything.

- skulls

- twinkling or fairy lights (bonus if colored)

If you’re Aspie, Autistic or ADHD I need your help. Please, I need to know Im not going insane....

For a while now I’ve felt like I might be on the autistic spectrum too as well as having ADHD PI. When I got tested for ADHD the second time the expert claimed it was impossible I had ADD and rather thought my results looked like OCD. Also, my sister is diagnosed with Aspergers. I read somewhere that siblings of autists often display autistic symptoms even if they wouldn’t be diagnosed when tested. I’ve done my fair share of therapy in my life, and I always felt that it didn’t really help with the real problem(s). I’ve been dianosed with stuff like

- Depression/ Mild Depression/ Winter Depression

- Social Anxiety Disorder

- Generalised Anxiety Disorder

- Bipolar Disorder

- Mood issues due to hormones ™️

- Issues due to boredom and a high IQ

- auditory processing issues

- bla bla bla yaddayadda

None of it I ever felt cut to the case. When I started Methylphenidate I stared to feel more “normal” and less “out of it” for a lack of a better description. My mood stabilised and Improved. That was the only thing that helped so far.

My real problem, however, is routines and time schedules. Planning and keeping up with my life. Creating schedules that make me happy and feel calm instead of angry because I constantly have to change them. Whenever there is no structure in my life, I get worse. And the structure cannot just be any loosely planned idea, it needs to account for me missing/loosing/misplacing things and then the plan, the whole nice planned out day is garbage because I’m behind and that messes up my whole plan.

There’s a couple of issues I have, namely internalised intense shame, being neurodivergent and being queer. None of which was ever recognised by any of my therapists. Instead I got diagnosed with all kinds of bullshit that ticked their boxed, and none of the treatments helped. None of it. I was like I was an alien talking a different language.

Now I feel like right now I need structure, routines that make me happy, my environmrnt needs to change or I’m going to just keep loosing the will to get out of bed.

I feel like I‘m losing a battle and I have been for a long time. I just want to hide and cover my ears and not deal with my life or people/mess/noise/bright lights/moving objects/desicion making in general.

Hide and watch all Star Trek series from beginning to end until I die from old age.

I dunno, is it possible I have been misdiagnosed so crassly? Did take them about about 16 years to come up with ADHD too so...

I just know that if I‘d be super planned doing relaxing stuff in very serene routines I‘d snap into being the happiest personality ever. That. Is. Not. Depression. That. Also. Isn‘t. Anxiety.