#lyrically inspired

(via https://open.spotify.com/track/2FkCjtQ1lYsf71s2FAS8hE)

Oh yes I'm the great pretender Pretending that I'm doing well My need is such I pretend too much I'm lonely but no one can tell.

Oh yes I'm the great pretender Adrift in a world of my own I play the game but to my real shame You've left me to dream all alone

Too real is this feeling of make believe Too real when I feel what my heart can't conceal

Ooh Ooh yes I'm the great pretender Just laughing and gay like a clown I seem to be what I'm not (you see) I'm wearing my heart like a crown

Pretending that you're still around

perhaps it is denial. 

i choose to believe that is the haze of love that keeps me fighting // praying to any entity above. 

daily now must put on a mask. 

i’ll love you without any asks // just touch me here and there // let us adventure. 

our path can’t end here. 

(via https://open.spotify.com/track/3ZpROCXzEFU9K28PPpANh3)

he cannot call himself rasta anymore                                                                                  save for yet succumbing to pork.

Buffalo soldier, no I'm not a rasta I used to be a mobster burning down the block 

but he is a soldier // continues to don and shed armor.  he used to be somewhat gangsta // somewhat careless // brainless // cold.

Don't judge a book by the cover

he’s become soft and old.  be thicker with her // perhaps his want to help is too much.  bring back philly swag just a touch.

I went running away for the hills Back to my roots and I'm running still

mountains // brutal winter chill                                                                                                     sisters // family // sheer force of will. 

But now I'm running to face my dreams Found my place and what it means Find yourself and no one else 

she filled this shell // automaton tottering through shifts // how much she is missed // balling mental fists // sick of the marathon // ready to sprint. 

she is his reverie // his place is by her side                                                                     means stripping away pride // wearing more than imaginary thick hide.

tried to be rasta // still believes in jah                                                                                         treasuring the life he has in front.

heavy was the blunt // he yearns to find balance in what each of them wants. 

(via https://open.spotify.com/track/3Gx2jyYmJeSjGPRmha6eyD)

how am i a sane man?

6 words // anyone with a sex drive could understand. 

(via https://open.spotify.com/track/1oHdIbwsw3jJvrIKvZdB2e)

better than loon shine // soulshine.

this woman is mine // he was terrified of crossing a line // now he knows reasons and rime.

...soul shine It's better than sunshine It's better than moonshine Damn sure better than rain Hey now people don't mind We all get this way sometimes Got to let your soul shine Shine till the break of day

this is how we burn fire bright // looking to the sky // we’re still learning each other’s minds // slow go // to our first time // we already shine. 

What I Have Learned From Underoath

This coming Sunday I am heading to House of Blues at Disney Springs to see a concert. I am beyond excited. The band I am seeing is a band I have listened to for many years. They broke up a few years back so I was unsure if I would ever see them again. Luckily, they are on a reunion tour. There is a lot of nostalgia, lessons, faces, etc tied up in this band for me. I’ve used them in a past post…

You’re Gonna Have Too…

      I have to be honest. I am already finding it somewhat difficult to keep up with posting. I want to post every week. That is a bust now because last week I was unable to finish the post I had started. I am still trying to flesh that one out. I really do not want to go back to posting once every month or two like I have over the last few years. I did not create this new site to just take up…

I sit and look at your face. I used to love that face. the way it crinkled when you smiled. and the crazy way you crossed your eyes and stuck your tongue out when I tried to take a picture of us. I was just trying to build memories for us. You’re stirring your cereal, and I”m clutching my coffee.

You have no idea. That I”m angry and that I could just scream at you right now. That every word I’d spit out is vitriol and acid. Something to make you hurt, to make your soul burn, and tear you down to make you feel as bad as I do.

No one knows why I feel as bad as I do. Not even me. I am constantly checking my internal pressure, and I am broken and cracked. I frantically think what could have caused this pressure and damage. What could have caused my casual demeanor of “easy going girl” to become, in my own words, a flighty bitchy wife. Who is this woman I am now? 

You’d know. You always know. I can’t ask because then I’d have to tell you how angry I am, and I don’t want to tell you about how angry I am because then I’d be angry about it. I just don’t want to feel this way anymore. Where did the love go? I feel it, it’s there, but it’s under this crusty bitter viciousness that I can’t seem to work around. So I ignore it. 

I”m desperate. Please don’t go. Don’t go to work, don’t go out with your friends. Please, please don’t leave me. I know you’re not going to be gone forever, but it’s impossible to function with you gone. I become an inhuman and broken with you gone. I’m lost and alone. I don’t know how to function. I’m not sure if having you stay is more scary than having you gone.