Self-Realignment. Forgive myself. I need to let me take importance in the things I once saw important. Self-Importance.. I realized this the other day as I was talking to Ronan about a method of playing MTG without land cards that I am still carrying around the guilt over losing Mike. Because of the type of person Mike was and his quirks, nature, and certain habits, I realized I was sub-conciously doing them. For instance, we were always late to appointments and events because he would randomly start new games or project and or not be prepared with packing.. I found myself being lenient or even pre-excusing my tardiness. I feel I have not fully let go of my guilt and that is why it is hard for me to prioritize and take responsibility for myself to move on… I struggle with going back to the gym.. I struggle with getting to work on time.. I struggle with attending social gatherings. I struggle with sticking to what I want to finish and have become prone to starting new projects…
I need to forgive myself of the idea that I let Mike down and move on with my life because nobody can live mine for me and I cannot have expected to live Mike's life for him therefore I should not penalize myself for his death.