#lofi emo

killing yourself is killing me -

09/14/23 @ the constellation room

made this ep while couch hopping hope yall enjoy (’: much love to all who can support

Hey guys, I don’t often post about personal things on here because this site is more of a place for me to rave about things I love rather than talk about life. (Which is more of what my instagram is for) but anyway... most of my followers here don’t know that i’ve started making my own music recently. 

I’ve never really considered being a singer until fairly recently, and i’ve been having dreams of putting myself out there in that way. so i’ve decided as well as artistic endeavours, I will be making music too. 

Originally, I had the ambition of making a full length album early. I wanted to come in big and grandiose and deliver songs about every single personal issue i’ve had in the past few months, but realising how long it actually takes to make quality music I ended up shortening it to an EP to start easy. I picked five songs I had written with ideas I liked the most, and soon, I developed inspiration from the scene aesthetic from this community here and tried to weave it into the feeling and the branding of this EP, I want this EP to sound like something an angsty scene/emo girl would’ve written herself in the mid-late 2000s. Hoping that she’d profit and become famous off her teenage angst and tour with her favourite bands and artists to spite all the people who wronged her enough to make her write these songs. 

In a way, i’ve created my own little character. This person is me, the songs are about me and my own thoughts and feelings but also it’s this odd alter ego of myself at the same time. The perfect me! The me I dream of being! As i’m walking through school bracing myself for another repeat of yesterday, in my head I dream of a me who isn’t afraid of her enemies/demons. A me who is just casually getting a phone call from Pete Wentz while her friends are wondering how she maintains such a casual conversation with him despite him being THE Pete Wentz. A me who has to leave school early to fly to America because she has a seat at the grammys and her pink and black princess dress and horse pulled carriage are waiting for her. This is me, but this is also everyone out there who’s had this dream. The dream of being the cool girl or guy, who’s already out there accomplishing things and making waves. This EP is about my road to the perfect me, and all the highs and lows i’m going through to become her. 

This whole EP is supposed to sound rough and demo-ish, not just because of my lack of resources but also because it’s kind of the point. My life is rough, and I want to share it with you and let you know you’re not alone. Some of these songs will be more polished than others, and some I might not be proud of later but i’ll always be happy to remaster things. 

The full EP obviously hasn’t dropped yet, I speculate it will be out in at least a couple of months as I get the technicalities of these songs sorted out so they’re absolutely perfect and something both you and me can be proud of. The full release date is TBA for now, but while you wait here is my first single You Left Me. 

You Left Me is a song about a partner who had spent several days telling me I was special and that no one could ever be better. Only to go back on their own words and leave me for someone new. The new partner, is inevitably ready to suffer the same fate that I did and being left in the cold eventually. Having no clue what they’ll experience, and the feelings that I felt of suddenly having no one to tell me how much they wanted to hold me and gently stroke my hair... all because someone else deserved it more. 

It took me months to get over the fact that I would have to wait a while for someone to love me like that again. I’ve had to learn to suck it up, love myself and take pride in other things I enjoy. Even then, there are still nights where i’m lonely and I want more than just a pillow and my imagination for company. This song is that bundle of mixed feelings I felt after the breakup that left me a mess. I’m sure a lot of you might know how that feels. I hope that you relate to this song just as much as I do. 

This song is listed as a demo, because I might potentially remake it someday as I have more people to help me now. This might not make it on the full EP, but it’s out here in the world and I couldn’t be more proud of my first musical endeavour. After all, the first version of Time To Dance wasn’t even a bonus track for A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out. Yet Brendon Urie still looks back on it fondly anyway, as it was one of the first things he ever did with the band. 

You can listen to this on Bandcamp and buy it! (The link is here), but also on Soundcloud (which is just called Edie) and the audio is on Youtube too (Edie! At the Disco) I’ll be trying to get it on Spotify too, but watch this space for now. 

Thank you for taking your time to read this. I’m very happy to have introduced EDIECORE into this world!