#likeable

Do you have any thoughts about making your whumpers likeable besides through raw power (making readers want to root for them?) It's hard to show personality without showing vulnerability, especially in immortal or eldritch beings. I'm asking because personally I always like to make my whumpers either 100% unlikeable, or make readers hate to love them. How would you go about this with that kind of whumper?

firstly, thank you so much for your kind words! It's so much fun to create whumpers who are charismatic as well as delightfully vile. 🤭

As far as how to make them likeable, the best way to do that without them necessarily showing vulnerability is to have them genuine care for the whumpee. Or at least, have a measure of a moral code when it comes to whumping their Whumpee.

Example: Whumper has prepared some delicious tortures for Whumpee, but Whumpee is close to tears due to exhaustion and hunger. Noticing this, Whumper makes a fuss about how "they couldn't possibly torture Whumpee while on an empty stomach and their plans will have to wait." Then Whumper has brought forward some easy finger food (ironically the type that would settle an upset Whumpee's stomach more than it would fill Whumper's stomach.) Whumper begins to eat and then sighs drolly when they "notice" Whumpee keeps looking towards the food. "Well, I might give you some if you beg for it." Whumpee does, but it's very feeble, certainly not the show Whumper deserves. Still Whumpee is permitted to eat. This cycle continues, but Whumpee is ordered to beg less and less. Soon, Whumpee forgets they had to beg at all. They can't remember the last time their belly felt so full. They don't even process Whumper's fingers massaging that sore spot between their shoulderblades. Leaning against Whumper's knee, Whumpee lets their eyes drift until at last they close. But they can't help wondering, wasn't Whumper about to torture them?

So I got carried away, but you get the gist 😅 Another very effective to make Whumpers likeable w/o showing vulnerability is if Whumpee is the one who shows vulnerability and Whumper doesn't deride them for it.

Example: Whumpee finally loses it. Screaming, crying, yelling at Whumper. They feel lost, weak, hopelessly used and Whumper doesn't care. Finally, expecting the full brunt of Whumper's fury, Whumpee crumbles into themselves, sobbing on the floor. A pregnant silence follows, with Whumpee expecting at any moment for a whip to come down on them. Instead, Whumpee sits opposite them on the floor. Slowly, methodically, Whumper lists all the ways that Whumpee has pushed themselves beyond their limit, borne more lashes than anyone else, crawled back from ODs so often even Whumper has lost track. Whumper looks so intently into Whumpee's eyes, that Whumpee is sure their soul has just been opened wide. "I don't do these things to you because I want you to die, Whumpee. I do them because I know you, more than anyone else, can beat me at my own game."

Well, those are just a couple examples. If I keep going, I'll never stop lmao. But if you have any other questions or have a specific Whumper of yours you'd like me to give tips on making more likeable, just hmu. It's easier to provide tailored tips if I have a little more insight into the Whumper you have in mind.

On Being Socially Accepted / Well Liked

Human beings are sociable animals. No matter the degree of sociability, there’s a part of us that wants to be loved, nurtured and accepted by those around us.

I didn’t want to make a guide of how one should be likeable, because if you think a little - from all the people you like, do you like them for the same reason? Not necessarily. You may like one friend for their humour; another for being a solid person thick and thin; a third for their extroverted personality… we’re all different and should be!

Now, you may have certain qualities that you want in all your relationships, regardless of the person. For instance, I’m very adamant about transparency and loyalty. Loyalty to me doesn’t mean standing up for me even if I’m wrong - it means caring for me enough to tell me I’m wrong. However, these qualities wouldn’t make you likeable per se - they would make you accepted within a social circle.

So how does one become likeable?

1. Ease up on the doormat culture

You’ll notice that most of the people you like are capable of having an independent opinion and thought. People pleasers may come across as inauthentic and dicey, especially the ones who change their opinion to agree with the majority. So start cutting out the people pleasing behaviour.

2. Have hobbies

You’ll generally gravitate more towards someone who seems to have their life together as opposed to someone who doesn’t. I’m always keen to talk to someone who does something a little different in their free time. I remember talking to a physicist who also wrote poetry - I was very intrigued by his work, and I invited him to my NYE party along with his girlfriend.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with not having your life together as long as you’re at least trying to make it better. Hobbies don’t have to be expensive. It’s also a better way to expand your circle- not all your friends will enjoy pottery or tennis, for instance.

3. On emotional/ trauma dumping

The worst people to guide you in life, my father always told me, are your friends. Blind leading the blind.

Your friends may have a good heart but not necessarily good advice. Keep the trauma dumping to a minimal unless your friend is okay with you sharing more. Bear in mind that even as a listener, when you hear someone’s traumatic experiences, you may feel emotionally overwhelmed.

Never share your private experiences, current situations, drama, problems, gossip with acquaintances or friends who you’re not particularly close to. Trust me, it can be tempting to engage in catty behaviour but there’s a good chance it’ll bite you in the ass.

4. Figure out your strengths

I know what I bring to the table when it comes to friendship - gentle honesty, alternative solutions and perspectives to issues and I’m always a planner.

One of my friends is a blunt critic and I always speak to her when I know I need a reality check about life.

Another friend is very non judgemental, she’s the one I open up to about the weird things I think of.

A third friend is my party friend, who is 100% the life of the party and I love his energy.

We can’t share the same relationship with everyone. Understand your strengths and hone them.

5. Likeable people don’t care about being likeable

Become detached from this idea of “I want to be liked.” Rather than that, I feel the statement “I want relationships who accept me for who I am” make more sense. As you grow older, you’ll realise that this teenager definition of popularity is nothing but inauthentic bullshit. You deserve friends who care for you and cheer you on.

The idea of “I want to be liked/ popular” also low-key reeks of desperate behaviour. It shows that you don’t really care about your thoughts or opinions as long as you’re accepted and you’re ready to modify your opinions to fit in. That’s the worst way to making friends because you literally can’t be yourself.

6. Yes, looks do matter

Looks do matter to a degree. I don’t mean that in a sense of physical features - I mean it from a sense of grooming.

I’ve noticed that people will be taken more seriously if you look a certain way. That doesn’t mean you have to buy stuff until your money runs out - it just means being at a healthy weight, dressing well, practicing personal hygiene.

7. Observational skills

Whenever I’m at an event and I notice someone feeling left out, I go and talk to them.

I remember being in the shoes long ago and feeling uncomfortable going to places. So when I see someone in the same position, I try to be the person I wanted at that point of time.

It’s important to have keen observation skills but what’s even more important is dealing with it subtly. I remember a girl at a party wearing a dress with the price tag still attached to the neckline at the back. I casually went over, put a hand on her back, discreetly whispered that her tag was out, should I put it back in? She said yes, and I put the the tag inside her dress without people around us noticing me. Discretion is a must in life. Don’t shout your good deeds- do them, don’t get flattered by compliments when people tell you that you were nice, and just play it off like it’s not a big deal.

8. Being impolite

I read a study that polite people are harder to connect with. Overly polite people can be seen as boring and that you need more energy to talk to them because the conversation only revolves around a few “polite” topics (studies, career, life in general, how nice the establishment is, the weather, common friends… surface conversation). I’m not saying don’t be considerate - I’m saying don’t be overly polite. Don’t be over accommodating to other people. You can disagree with things respectfully. You can share a different perspective or crack a joke.

9. What are you like?

Are you better one on one or in groups?

I’m a much better person one on one. I resonate with people better when we have a conversation - when it’s a group, it’s just the usual hi-hellos.

You may prefer groups, if one on one conversations seem too vulnerable.

How do you figure this trait out? Ask yourself a simple question : if you had a meet a new person, would you rather meet them alone at a cafe or at a party with your friends?

Figuring this out is important because it gives you a sense of the relationships you value and how you can take them forward.

10. A balanced ratio of talking and listening

Try to listen more than you can talk. This advice is useless if you’re talking to an introvert. With most introverts I’ve noticed that they WILL talk to you - as long as they don’t have to make the first move. Once you set the ball rolling, they’re happy to talk.

So you have to understand how and when to switch being an active listener and speaker.

A simple generalised guide:

When dealing with extroverts: ask basic/ generic/ yes or no questions, give opposing opinions (most extroverts are generally up for a challenge) and listen more in the beginning, switch to talking more later.

Dick Around

Likeable