#lifetraps

Worthwhile read on self awareness

The problem comes when habits don’t work for us. For many of us, our automatic reactions become set into negative emotional patterns, called schemas, that drive our lives. Dr. Jeffrey Young has identified 11 of these patterns that he calls lifetraps.

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Lifetraps have been learned in the childhood and in the adolescence as the way to react, feel, think and behave. When a lifetrap is activated today, we tune in to the feelings of childhood and operate unconsciously according to the coping styles learned in the childhood. Our emotions are not the actual problem, but the way they “lock us” in the harmful behavior. Lifetraps make us avoid or escape, surrender or attack in our life situations. These methods are harmful in adulthood and they work against us. Everyone has lifetraps. Our lifetraps make us sacrifice in close relationships to avoid feeling guilt, they make us submit to demands of others with the fear of unpleasant consequences or they make us adapt ourselves in group situations not to become outsiders. They cause us to demand from ourselves unreasonably good performance or dodge the challenges in the fear of a failure. They make us strive for new goals over and over again so that we will never achieve peace of mind. Because of our lifetraps, we feel guilty and worry about past mistakes. They make us feel bad, stupid or selfish and they make us feel shame and unworthiness, even though there is no need for that.

So reading through the "abandonment lifetrap" chapter of my lifetrap book and i felt like the person who wrote it has been secretly spying on me lol 'cos everything written was me in a nutshell. Anyways i made my way through the chapter and i'm now at the part where it's gonna start to talk about how to overcome the lifetrap and i haven't read any further. Like i read the subheading, semi-freaked out and haven't read anymore since. Like, i want to but it's like i'm scared or something. It's like, as much as i hate having issues with abandonment.. i feel like i'm not ready to begin the process of overcoming this. I'm scared. Like what if it doesn't work? What if it brings up a bunch of things that i'm not ready to deal with? What if i can't do it? All these things whirling around my brain and its stopping me from continuing the chapter. I'll probably continue it tomorrow morning on my way to school or something. If i make it. I have like 2hrs n 45minutes before i have to wake. Anyhow, it's just so weird to me that i could hesitate for hours on continuing the next part of the chapter, when this horrid fear if abandonment has ruined my relationship, cost me the love of my life and caused so many problems. I should be so eager to begin the process of change but.. I'm scared.. Kinda wish i didn't have to do this alone..

So i'm reading my book on lifetraps and i'm at the chapter of abandonment and whenever i do any reading on the "fear of abandonment" there is always the recurrent idea that those of us with this abandonment lifetrap, are attracted to people or relationships that will enforce our lifetrap. Even my counsellor told me so. This means people who perhaps can't really be here physically or emotionally, people who have commitment issues or stability issues...etc all because we want to reinforce our lifetrap idea that everyone will abandon us. I understand this idea when it comes to other things, like I self sabotage friendships to subconsciously reinforce the idea that i have no friends and can't have friends. But with the abandonment lifetrap i find that i don't do that although according to research, it's something people with that lifetrap do. But i don't get drawn to people who i think will reinforce it, quite the opposite. I get drawn to stability and security. Someone who i think could stay forever. So i don't understand why it's a known thing for people with the abandonment lifetrap to try and reinforce it because i don't. Am i in denial? Do i do it subconciously? =S