#lessons learnt

Rainbows seem to be a common theme on the passing of HRH Queen Elizabeth II 🌈

Part 2 of the 18 lessons learnt as I turned 18.

Is there a threshold, a specific number of heartbreaks you have to go through, before life turns around and says, okay that’s enough. From now on, no pain will touch you. No other person will break you. You will not tremble. You will not fall. You will not want to scream from the bottom of your lungs. There will be no crying, not a single drop of tears will touch your face ever again. Nothing they say or do will make a dent on your heart. I promise pain will become a concept so foreign to you, your heart will ache to know what it feels like to be hurt. When the next guy tells you its over, you will keep your head up high and continue sipping your ice cold coffee, unfazed. They will be in awe of how unbothered and calm you are.

I don’t know whether that’s supposed to be comforting. Because to me, that’s terrifying! Imagining my heart of steel standing tall within its chambers, strong and unbothered, scares me more than any heartache in the world.

What good is loving if there is no risk? Can you love someone fully if you feel no pain?

There’s something really beautiful about being vulnerable. Baring your soul to someone while knowing damn well they can crush it.

I think risk is what makes it worthwhile.

Pain is how we grow. We break to uncover what’s inside us. We tremble, we fall, we scream because it makes us feel alive. We write about it. We share it, we connect because of it. And we always get back up - stronger. We change - into better, braver versions of ourselves.

So thanks but no thanks, I don’t want a heart of steel.

i just want the real deal.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine”.

I said and he asks me if I’m sure,

I’m not inventive enough to lie well so I just repeat it, I’m sure.

I’m sure I’m lying, if that’s what you mean.

I’m sure I’ve really fucked up and I’m sure I just want to hide from the world,

from myself, from my thoughts and brain, from everything that makes me me.

I wanted to make a YouTube video about this, but I’m not a YouTuber so didn’t think it would be a good idea, so I settled for a tumblr post…

Okay so I saw someone tweet that they didn’t like 13 Reasons Why because it was “boring”. Now, I’m the kind of person who is accepting that people have different opinions about things but this angered me.

So for those of you who haven’t caught on to the buzz of 13 Reasons Why, or don’t have the ability to watch it, 13 Reasons Why is a 13-episode series on Netflix about a high schooler named Hannah Baker who commits suicide. She creates tapes explaining her story of what led her to leave this world in the way she did. And we see this story unravel by following a character named Clay.. Now I won’t say anything more on the details of the story as I’d hate to provide spoilers. However, there may be some spoilers in this so if you want to avoid them, look away now.

Now back to this tweet about how 13 Reasons Why is “so boring”. This tweet, to me, screamed a lack of education about the severity of bullying and mental health and suicide and all the other issues this programme addresses.

This programme shows scenes of harassment and rape in full detail with the purpose of making the audience feel uncomfortable. Likewise, the scene where we see Hannah’s suicide, where we see the blade cut into her wrists and we see her bleed out, was made to show audiences that there is nothing ‘beautiful’ about someone taking their life. These scenes show the ugly side to suicide, how low a person must be feeling to feel like their life is worth nothing.

It also shows throughout the story how a person’s suicide can affect the people around them. Whether that’s their family, friends, people in their school, or the local community. This highlights that, whilst you may feel alone in this world, there will always be people who are affected by your death. And whilst people are cruel at times, or seem to take you for granted, there will always be someone there for you. Flip side, it shows people that you sometimes need to just remind people close to you, and that you care about, that you’re there for them and that they matter.

Another point this programme addresses is the bullying and slut shaming that happens, and has no doubt been happening for generations, and how in today’s society that doesn’t just end when the school bell strikes at the end of the day but is a 24/7 deal due to how much people allow social media and the online world to consume their lives. It shows you that bullying isn’t necessarily in the form of a slap around the face or an old-fashioned wedgie in the school hallway. It can be so much more than that. It’s sending photos round without someone’s permission. It’s shouting abuse across a hallway at someone. It’s spreading hurtful rumours about someone. It’s making someone feel worthless. It’s consistently not defending someone when you’re supposed to be their friend. It’s purposely isolating someone. Bullying can be physical, emotional and mental. Abuse is abuse. So the message behind this one is pretty clear.. just don’t be a dick to people. Reputation means nothing, everyone has their shit to deal with, just be humble and just be nice. And if you can’t be nice, then just stay away.

*SPOILER ALERT* Alex’s suicide. Whilst this is upsetting, it is such an important factor in the story. We are so busy watching the story of Hannah’s suicide, and how the people around her couldn’t see the signs that could have prevented her death, that we miss every sign that leads Alex to his own attempt at suicide (it’s not confirmed whether he dies or not). This just highlights a deep message of this programme that there are no set signs. Yes, there are patterns amongst suicide victims, but everyone hides and shows signs in different ways.

Finally, the ending of the series, where Clay takes a few moments to ask Skye is just as important as the rest of the messages in this programme. It summarises that a good way of preventing all of this was if people had have just been there for Hannah. Like, seriously, things like a simple “hi” when you see them, a text to see how they’re doing that takes a few seconds to send, asking them what’s wrong if they seem down, reassuring them that they can trust you, giving someone a compliment, hanging out with people. It’s as simple as that. Little bits of communication like this can be enough to throw someone who was planning to take their life today off their course, and help them to see another day.

13 Reasons Why covers issues such as rape, harassment, bullying, self harm, depression, suicide & the repercussions that come with all of that. Every episode has multiple messages. There’s multiple lessons to be learned. And it’s helping the ongoing battle to raise awareness of things like this.