Messy Hair, Messier Mind

as we hold hands under the moonlight.

the night time stars in the sky

make constellations,

so beautiful.

I hope we never say goodbye,

For she knows the deepest parts of me.

The parts that no one else knows,

The darkest parts of my soul.

She follows me wherever I go;

I don’t wish to be reminded of all I could have been,

All I wish I was,

And all I would have been

if it means I’m headed to somewhere better.

I’m learning to be okay with not having all the answers,

and enjoying the peace if brings to no loner rely on the external validation of others.

I’m learning how to exist within myself and do the things that bring me peace,

And in doing, positively affecting those around me.

It’s not an easy thing to do by any means and there are some days where I wonder what the point is in trying

There I be,

Blooming in the sunlight.

There I be,

Blooming in the moonlight.

There I be,

Blooming even when there is no light.

You see?

Everything I need has always been inside of me.

Insistent on over-analysing everything, when am I not suffering?

How can I possibly make room for anything new if I am busy holding onto Whats already in my head?

Teaching myself to take regular breaks.

It’s only effective if personal boundaries are respected.

It’s important to know and understand your own limitations, and to communicate them.

Don’t kill the best parts of you as if you have something to prove.

when you came back into my life

wanting to be friends

but you're no different -

Only interested while it benefits you.

No longer reaching out

while there's someone else.

They invite me to come play,

insist that I stay awhile

and each time I fail to resist.

Forever giving in,

dare I remain focused

or at least wishing I could tell you about it,

but you don't want to know

and you never really did.

A message that you sent

that I just leave on seen.

A notification that keeps on popping up

no one does

and maybe there's peace to be found within the knowledge that we're all lost.

We're all searching for our missing pieces,

a deeper meaning,

I take a deep breath.

In that moment

the world feels still,

my mind is quiet

and I think to myself,

and it's peaceful.

Most things in life I don't regret

Unafraid I venture on,

one step at a time,

I remind them