#kardace

They’re fighting when it happens. But that’s not saying much. They’re almost always fighting, after all. This time is somewhat particular in that it’s a climactic fight. They’re fighting with a cliff as their backdrop, the sunset providing dramatic lighting. She’s got her staff out, he’s out of distant traps and limited to hand-to-hand combat.

He’s at a disadvantage at this stage of the game. He knows that. His talent is all stored in planning, scheming, mind games. He can hold his own in a physical fight, sure, but against her, his nemesis, he is clearly outmatched. He doesn’t really stand a chance.

*coughs* So um my obscure OTP is Kardace; Karl and Candace from the second dimension. My uh headcanon is that 2d Karl is a bit more corrupt than his 1d counterpart and willingly joined Doof and basically became his right hand man-

Anonymous said:

so he'd interact with the resistance quite a bit. And gradually, to his disgust, he fell for the resistance's leader: Candace. He never spoke a word about his crush or really let it show too much besides increased snarky banter-

Is there a part missing, anon? This is all I got. THAT said... I like it! I honestly can't say I blame Karl for having the hots for 2D Candace. Heck, I'm not the biggest Candace fan-- not that I hate her-- but her 2D self... wowza. To the point I felt pedo and upset and hated myself for being such a personality person. SHE WAS UNDERAGE!

Meddle? Me? ;) 

Why yes, I meddle with everyone. 

Kardace

“Are you sure that’s going to work, Mel-Mel?”, Heinz asked, voice wavering with uncertainty. “You said it yourself, couples with one good and one evil person never end well … “

A guilty look crossed Melinda’s face. “I know … they never do … but these two are so adorable together! And even if it doesn’t work out in the long run, poor Karl deserves some fun, right?”

Heinz smiled, nodding. He trusted his wife’s opinions on these things, she was usually spot on. “Okay, sooo … ” he fumbled a bit, “I just have to sound intimidating so he’ll think I’m his boss?”

“Yeah!”, Mel was excited. Formulating and executing these kind of schemes was almost as exciting as coming up with evil schemes. “Throw in some Choo Choo talk in there if he gets suspicious, and you’re good to go!”

Heinz breathed in an out like an actor preparing himself, and dialed the number; it showed up on the other side as a blocked ID, and Karl picked up right away.

“Hello?”

“Helloooo, Karl? This is, uh, this is your boooss … ” He tried to keep his voice stern and unfaltering, like his counterpart’s.

Mel whispered to him: “No hesitation. Whatever you think of, just go with it!”

On the other side of the line, Karl said:  “Yes, Sir?”

Oh, good, Heinz thought. He’s buying it. “I need you to come to my- to the first dimension right away. Leave all your weapons and your watch at home and wear a tux, okay?” He realized he shouldn’t have phrased is as a question and quickly fixed it.  “I-I mean, do it! Because I told you to!” Mel gave him the thumbs up.

” … Is everything okay, Sir?” Karl thought that he sounded very odd. Truth be told, if his former boss hadn’t been going through some intense personal hardships these days, Karl would have been very suspicious. But given everything that had happened, it was understandable that Doofenshmirtz was a bit …  off.

“Yes! Just come, now!”, Heinz tried his best to imitate Doof’s snarl.

Karl frowned. “But without weapons, Sir? Is that … wise?”

“Get mad!”, Mel whispered again, and right on cue Heinz hissed as if someone had made a lewd pass at Vanessa. “Are you questioning my judgment, Karl?” Mel applauded silently, grinning.

“O-of course not Sir, my apologies. I’ll be there right away.”

“Good. I’m texting you the address. Don’t disappoint me.” Heinz hung up and let out a relieved breath. “Nailed it!”, he beamed.

In the second dimension, a very confused Karl shook his head. Was Doofenshmirtz in danger and he had just failed to decipher his former employer’s code? With a dejected sigh, he fished his only tux out from his closet, and silently thanked Mel for throwing that ridiculous Yule Ball last Christmas; because otherwise he’d still have to buy a tux, and in his dimension it’d be nearly impossible.

***

Now that her husband had performed brilliantly, it was time for Mel to do her part. She opened a portal to the second dimension and made her way to Candace’s house. She rang the doorbell, and was greeted by a Dooferall-clad Candace Flynn grabbing her arm and pulling her in.

“Mel? What are you doing here?”, she narrowed her eyes, for once not wearing her black shades.

“I have a present-for- yooou!” Mel sang happily, dangling a beautiful black dress in front of Candace’s face.

” … Don’t be silly, you know I’d never wear that.” Mel had some crazy ideas, but this was a little much. Smuggling chocolates, she was okay with, but this? “You must have hit your head pretty hard if you think I’d ever go anywhere looking like that.”

Candace was very firm about it, but Mel simply smirked. To her, it was almost like a predator surrounding her prey. “But you’d look so beautiful in it. And, no offense, but that Dooferall isn’t very flattering at all. Have you even felt it? It’s so smooth, it’d be so comfortable!”

The teenager raised an eyebrow. The dress was beautiful, and she liked Mel, but she was still evil … could she really trust her? “No, thanks. It’s beautiful but I wouldn’t be caught dead in a dress. What if the Normbots invaded right now and I couldn’t fight them because of my attire?”

“Oh, trust me, you can fight in a dress. You can fight.”, Mel nodded solemnly, with the look of someone who knew what she was talking about. “Besides,”, she added, now with a cheerful smile, “don’t you want to look extra beautiful sometimes?”

” …. I don’t have time for that, I have a war to win.”

Mel sighed. It was time to bring out the big guns. Just like that, her eyes started to well up and she was on the verge of tears. “I-I’m sorry. It’s just that we haven’t seen each other in so long, I just thought it’d be a nice gift. Gosh, I’m so stupid! Can … you at least try it on for me?”

Candace was at a loss for words. Was Mel really crying because of a dress? “Ugh, okay, don’t cry. I’ll put it on really quickly. If I get arrested for this I’m ratting you out.” She took the dress and retreated to change, never seeing Mel’s smirk of victory. She put the dress on, and was amazed at how good she looked. The dress was flattering, and not too revealing. Mel was even right about it being comfortable! She walked out of her bathroom and found Mel holding her phone with a serious look on her face.

“Apparently there are Normbots in my dimension! I’m so sorry, I really need your help!”  Melinda opened a portal and jumped right in, not wanting to give the teenager a chance to reply. Candace was confused, but if Mel was in trouble she’d help her. Cursing herself for trying on the darned dress, she followed the evil girl into the first dimension, hoping Mel was right about the ability to fight in a dress.

***

Karl arrived at the address given to him. It was a lounge that could be rented out for parties. The place was very elegant, but Karl wasn’t paying attention: he was worried and on duty. “Sir?”

” Erm, not exactly … ” Heinz was near the door, with a sheepish smile on his face. His shoulders raised in a shrug and he said, uncertain: “Gotcha?”

Karl scowled, his anger growing. “Did you trick me into thinking you were the Emperor?”

“I, um … Mel will be here any minute!” Heinz rushed out of the room and locked the door behind him, not wanting to deal with an angry former Head of Torture. Karl heard the key turning and cursed, running to the door. He pulled on it and kicked it, shouting threats at Heinz, but the door wouldn’t budge. Resigned, he crossed his arms. “Why did I leave my weapons at home? I could’ve blown a hole through it!” Just as he was about to try knocking it down again,  another door on the other side of the room opened.  Candace was lightly pushed in, and Mel locked that side too, trapping both of them in there.

Karl’s jaw dropped. “Miss Flynn?”

She turned to face him, raising a surprised eyebrow. “Karl? What are you doing here?”

“Melinda’s husband tricked me. You … you look very pretty, Miss Flynn, but you don’t happen to have your belt with you, do you?”

She shook her head. “No, and I assume you don’t have anything on you either?”, she smirked a bit and added, “and you look good too.”

Karl smirked back at her. “Your assumption is right. What a childish plan, to lock us here together.”

“Mmhm.” Candace frowned; maybe the situation wasn’t as bad as it looked. “But do you remember the first time we … hung out? She ambushed us there too, with Melinda.”

“True, at the Slushy Burger. It … wasn’t a bad day … “  He looked right at her, wondering why his stomach was suddenly turning.

Out of nowhere, some sort of ballad started playing, and Karl groaned. “Is she serious?”

“This is ridiculous!”, Candace growled, frustrated. And then she started thinking of that time they shared a dance in some school gym. “Well Karl, it looks like we’re trapped anyway, and we’re not getting out until she lets us … maybe we should just enjoy it.”

” … You’re not suggesting … “

She walked up to him, resting her hands on his shoulders. He blushed, completely frozen, and she smirked. “Your hands go in my waist, see.”

He narrowed his eyes and grinned, placing his hands where she told him to. “Don’t get so comfortable, Miss Flynn. If I remember correctly I’m the better dancer here.”

She laughed. “In your dreams, Karl. In your dreams.”

In a room above theirs, watching the surveillance cameras, husband and wife high-fived each other for a successful scheme.

******************************************************************************************************

Moof

“Yes, I know she tried to kill you, Doof. I was there. But you’re the one who said you miss her, and- hold on, someone’s on the other line.”

She pulled the phone away from her ear and pressed the button to pick up the next call. “Hello?”

Aaaand right on cue, it was Melinda.  Since their breakup it felt like high school all over again: they were always calling Mel to vent or ask for advice. Not that she minded, she missed high school and she loved hearing both their sides. But hearing Melinda explain how the assassination attempt had been a one-time thing that had only happened because she snapped, Mel realized something: it was time to interfere.

When she finally hung up the phone, she started to plot. This was a difficult couple: they were both murderous psychopaths with egos bigger than a mansion, and there was a lot of bad history between them. From brutal torture to an assassination attempt, they were at a point where most people would claim the relationship was beyond salvation. But Mel wasn’t ‘most people’, she was the Social Dictator and a master of manipulation. They were both her best friends and they were obviously unhappy without each other; while they were dating, they seemed perfect together! And most importantly, since Mel and Heinz were, in Mel’s opinion, soulmates, she couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe their 2D counterparts were, too, and she feared they were going to lose their soulmates if she let things run their course.  So it had become clear to her: she had to concoct the biggest, baddest, most amazing evil matchmaking scheme she had ever come up with.

After thinking on it for two whole days, Mel was sure of three things: one, Melinda felt too guilty to try and approach Doof again. Two, Doof needed to see Melinda truly cared about him. Three, their weakness was each other’s sexiness. So what was going to make Melinda forget her guilt for a second and prove her feelings to Doof, hopefully earning his forgiveness? The answer was obvious; she couldn’t believe she took so long to figure it out! She needed a  death scare.  The sexiness would just have to be played out naturally, as it usually was with them.

Mel got to work immediately. She found a bag of fake blood in her closet of disguises and dipped her hands on it, splashing a bit on her dress while she did it. “Darn it, another one ruined. This thing doesn’t come out. Ugh.” Slightly annoyed, she then rubbed her eyes hard, to make them redder and puffier, and headed to Melinda’s house in the second dimension.

“Mel?”, Melinda’s eyes widened when she saw her friend. “Are you hurt? What happened?”

Mel took a deep breath before answering, making sure her lips were quavering and her voice was breaking. “I-it’s Doofenshmirtz. The Resistance attacked, and … well, things aren’t looking good. E-Especially so soon after the stabbing, I-I think you might … want to go say goodb-

Before Mel was even done, Melinda was already racing to the streets, ignoring every rule that forbade her from running in the Tri-Doof Area. She was panicking, she couldn’t stand the thought of losing him! He was the love of her life, she needed to save him somehow! Or at least make sure he died knowing she loved him! She ran as fast as her legs could carry her, bursting into DEI with Mel in tow, desperately looking for him …

… and she found a very surprised Doofenshmirtz looking down at her from his throne.  

“Doofenshmirtz!”, she gasped, tears coming to her eyes. “Y-you’re okay? You’re okay! Oh, thank evilness!” Despite her better judgment, she threw her arms around his neck in a tight hug. He scowled and pushed her away. “Of cooourse I’m okay, now you better get out of here, traitor, before I have you doomed!”

Melinda froze and slowly stepped away, too hurt from his comment to yell at Mel for lying to her. Mel decided it was time to interfere. “Doof, wait a second. She, um, she thought you were dying. I may have … led her to think that … but see how worried she was? She rushed here without even thinking of the consequences!”

He blinked, taking sight of the ‘blood’ on Mel. “Is that true, Melinda?”

“Yes. I-I’m sorry … I shouldn’t have come here … but yes. I couldn’t stand the idea of losing you! I love you! Everything I’ve been telling you since the assassination attempt is true, all of it!”

The dictator let out an irritated sigh. “I know, I know. It’s just very hard to truuust you now.”

Melinda nodded. Doofenshmirtz looked so attractive sitting there that it gave her an idea. ” … Well … maybe … you don’t need to trust me just yet.”, she purred, walking towards him and swinging her hips.  ”I didn’t trust you for a long time … but that didn’t stop us from getting together …”. Melinda stopped mere inches away from him, tracing a pattern from his jaw line to his cheek with her finger.

Doofenshmirtz smirked, closing the distance between them. “I can’t argue with that!” As much as he wanted to, how could he resist her? And deep down he was touched she had ran all the way there for him. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her onto the chair with him and kissed her deeply. She was quick to position herself on his lap while eagerly kissing back.

All I Ask of You:   Can you hear the wedding bells? Go propose to that special someone!

He had never really thought that he’d reach a point in his life that he would consider marriage. And he hadn’t just considered it; he’d actually went out and bought a ring. Had he finally snapped but instead of going on a killing spree or even killing himself he was considering marriage?!

He still couldn’t believe it. Even as he held the small black box in his hand. Marriage. Of all the stupid things he could do this was probably the stupidest.

It probably wouldn’t work out.

How could they possibly live together, work together, eat together, laugh together, and maybe even have children together when they had completely different morals?! He killed and tortured people; she protected them! They had fought each other for years and now he wanted to marry her?!

Though…somehow…they had managed to get along fine. Managed to….date. Simply speaking, marriage was the next step.

….still. They were them. Marriage just wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be possible.

But he wanted it. He wanted it to be.

Stupid stupid stupid emotions.

Sighing, he stared down at the little black box again. Buying the thing had the be one of the stupidest things he’d ever done. Actually going up and proposing to her would be even worse. But….he couldn’t argue with himself about this all night could he? He would truly go insane if he did.

And…..life was short. Secretly, he was amazed that he had made it to his twenties. There was also the very real possibility that somebody else could get the idea to propose to her themselves. And he didn’t like that idea in the slightest.

Resigned to the fact that yes, things had really reached this point in his life, Karl’s grip on the black box as he harshly shoved it into a pocket of his trench coat and made his way to her new residence.

After a seemingly outrageous long walk, (had her residence always been that far from his own?) he finally reached her door. Forcefully pushing aside any remaining reservations, he knocked.

Her confused, yet guarded expression upon opening the door and finding him there made him feel like it would be best to apologize for bothering her and quickly leave. But he couldn’t. He’d come too far to turn back now unfortunately.

“I’d like to speak with you if that’s alright.”

“Um yeah. Come on in I guess…”

Looking around the small room she called home as he entered, Karl was pleased to see that it wasn’t entirely on the run down side. Most of the furniture looked second hand, but not to the beaten, falling apart point that residents of the slums had. Idly, he wondered where she had found work, debating on finding out himself or simply asking her later.

“You said you wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Yeeeees. We’ve…known each other for how long now?”

Candace crossed her arms as she studied him in an almost weary way. “Total or dating wise?”

“…dating I suppose.”

“Five. Are you feeling alright? You’re acting a little weird, even for you.”

He didn’t respond. Not that she really expected him to. He had the habit of going quiet when he was nervous. Not that he was that chatty to begin with, but after five years or so of dating him, she figured she had a pretty good grasp on distinguishing his various silences.

“Sit down, I’ll be right back. Want anything?”

“No, thank you for the offer though Miss Flynn.”

She shrugged and headed towards what passed as a kitchen as he stiffly sat down on her couch. A moment later, she returned, a cup of water in hand as she casually settled down next to him.

“Sooo, what’s on your mind?”

“…well I’ve erm…been thinking…and…five years is quite a long time to love somebody…and uh life…c-can be rather short…especially considering our erm…professions….and I realize this must be utterly stupid and illogical and stupid but, will you…..marry….me?”

She nearly spit out her drink at his last words. Of all the things he could have possibly said, those last four words were the last things she thought he’d say. Ever. To her.

“Miss Flynn?”

Oh God, he looked so worried now. Did he think she was choking? She waved her free hand to show she was fine as she placed the cup on the floor by her and just…stared. At nothing, at everything. Anything but him.

“H-Have you thought this through? Like honestly all the way through Karl?”

“……yes. No. I don’t know.”

His voice sounded choked. Was he…crying? Sneaking a quick look at him to see if he was or not, she saw that he wasn’t, was staring at the wall in front, and was pale. What were they doing?

“…you know that this probably won’t work out.”

He nodded but didn’t reply.

“….I mean…it’s crazy. The idea of us getting married…” she laughed. “But if any couple could pull it off, I think we could.”

He tore his gaze away from the wall to focus on her again. “Y-You’re saying yes?”

She smirked at him. “Looks like it. I have one condition though. If we’re going to be engaged, I expect you to call me by my first name. No ‘miss’ attached. You got it?”

He nodded, a smile quickly spreading across his face. “Crystal. Speaking of which…might as well make things official…”

Still grinning happily, he pulled the black box of out of his pocket and handed it to her. Not bothering to open it, Candace placed it by the cup. “I have a better idea on how to make it official.”

  It was another party.

He had come as a favor. It wasn't like he had anything better to do.

He was lying to himself, and he knew it. There were plenty of better things he could be doing than sitting in a corner sipping some carbonated drink that he couldn't get in his own dimension.