#junheerk

   At least to Ryujin.

As she’s rapping for the next mission Ryujin find that she can practice everywhere, even while they are making props for their introduction and while they are out shopping for their matching outfits. Having decided to wear a classy all black outfit Ryujin has settled with a simple pair of pants with a blazer and a cropped top, finished off with brightly white shoes. She wonder if the judges will know the reference when she bring a self-made props to the stage, while Sakura is making her own take on the head Ryujin wanted to go with the original as Primary has made a presence in the original music video for Bond Girl. 

   Surely the judges will know, right?

Although Ryujin has signed up as a dancer she definitely has experience in rapping, she was meant to debut as Amarante’s rapper after all as well as practicing tecniques on her own time just for fun. So needless to say, she isn’t nervous about this particular stage. Just by practices she know that she and Sakura will make a great performance as their dynamic is excellent, if others won’t enjoy their stage she will honestly be surprised. Perhaps she is biased though, to their song choice as she absolutely love it and think that it was such a bop, as well as to her friendship with Sakura. That the two of them got paired, it was honestly just perfect.

Having arrived and found her assigned seat, Ryujin sit next to Sakura on the set. They are by those who perform lastly but she doesn’t mind, if anything she’s so excited to perform that she could wish that they were first. It might be better to be towards the end, however, so that they do not risk being forgotten by others should they have a more preferred stage. Theirs will be a whole lot of fun however, Ryujin is absolutely sure of that. She hold onto Sakura’s hand whilst watching others, for support to the other and strength to herself. Watching all the others on the stage makes her even more excited, she just want it to be their turn.

She watch especially close when Kyungsoo perform with Yugyeom, Yeji with Junhee, Heejin with Daniel, Chaeryeong with Joohyuk and Olivia with Youngjae. All of those pairs hold at least one of her friends, who she honestly is so proud of for coming this far along with her. Occasionally she lean in to Sakura, revealing thoughts around the different performances. Ryujin is surprised when she sees that Kyungsoo is dancing, not so much when Yeji sings because she has already seen that live in person when she managed to talk the other into an open mic together. Pair after pair set foot on the stage and eventually, it’s their turn to shine and boy, will they shine today.

“Next up is... #5033 Miyawaki Sakura and #5040 Shin Ryujin.”

Microphone in hand and box on her head, Ryujin walk towards the center with Sakura by her side who wears her very own personalised box. As it’s only for reference they remove what’s covering their heads after a respectful bow towards the audience, then placing it somewhere where they won’t stand in their way during the presentation. “I’m Shin Ryujin,” she say firstly, and wait for the other to state her name. “And we have prepared something fun for you today. Please enjoy.” Having cut the song to fit their time frame it starts off rather abruptly but they are well prepared, Sakura being the first one out to rap her verse. 

Ryujin stands just behind her but out of the way, it’s the elder’s time to shine. She emphasise some of the ending words to make a wholesome performance, dancing dorkily whenever she isn’t joining in. It’s obvious that Ryujin is comfortable on the stage, even when sharing it as it’s something she has practiced before. Not quite like this, obviously, but the experience come in handy nonetheless. She twirl in the background, hands doing their own things, and she bites down on her lip out of pure excitement. Sakura is nailing her part, and it’s just too fun being a part of a stage with her friend performing such a feel-good song like Bond Girl.

The moves that she has during this performance is completely different from the dances that’s been shown so far but honestly, Ryujin isn’t trying to show how good she is right now. She just want to have fun, and dance dorkily however her body decides to move. Once, she pretend to hide behind Sakura only to pop out and rap a word in choir before she continue to goof around whilst the other finish off her verse. Ryujin slides into the center as she take over the spotlight, Hanzoo’s part is short but important to build up to the refrain. Originally it leads up for Zion.T to sing but none of them are singers, so they leave that to the instrumental.

왜 내 집 주소 묻는데 AHA 아 왜 너 내 주민번호 묻는데 UH-uH 내 대답은 No woah 징그럽게 달라붙지 마 Girl, WOAH! 본드걸 ! 그만 끈적거려 너

She nails the part easily, if Hanzoo can pull it off without being a singer then Ryujin can as well with her deep voice. In the refrain they dance briefly but synchronised, both coming in to voice “BOND GIRL” while pointing at the audience with a finger gun. To fit the time frame they had to cut the refrain short so abruptly but fittingly, Ryujin move straight into Geegoin’s verse and she deliver it effortlessly. She has so much fun being in center, being backed up by Sakura who is doing her own thing behind her, much like what she did when the other was in the spotlight. Their dynamic on stage together is seamless, and accurate. Neither stealing time from the other.

난 제임스 본드, 이유 좀 묻지 말고 10미터 사정거리 필시 유지하고 미심쩍으니 내 옆구리 데우지 말고 나에게 떨어져 나 뜬구름 잡게 하지 말고 너 이뻐 그런데 왜 내가 좋니? 아무래도 딱 내 눈엔 심심풀이로 하는 놀이 다단계 아니지? 바란 게 내 맘이 아니라면 당장 가줘 제발 

From time to time she glance out in the audience, Ryujin want to connect to them and show that she performs for them all and not just the judges. A smile is present throughout most of the stage, only sometimes she’s looking serious or focused but that’s an obvious act. Using the techique she often does by thinking of the next sentence right away, she easily deliver what she’s assigned to rap, all the while continuing her fun little dance moves. And so, it’s Sakura who does Hanzoo’s part. Ryujin encourage the bridge by throwing out some ‘UOH’s and ‘YEAH’s before they roll into the last refrain. Jumping back as the refrain start, they begin to dance again like before, choiring ‘BOND GIRL’.

the staff call individuals out one by one while the ceos deliberate. he’s a little confused until someone lets it spill that they’re doing more interviews. frankly, it’s unexpected; sungwoon can only remember doing one interview last year, and it wasn’t until episode seven. this is a holdover from earlier seasons, apparently, so sungwoon is happy to just roll with it. interviews don’t phase him, and he certainly has a lot to say about the performances he’s watched so far. some of his friends are… not as forthcoming, and he is absolutely thinking about woojin here. god, he hopes woojin will be okay during the interview.

“ha sungwoon!” he’s deep in conversation when he hears his name and nearly jumps in surprise. after asking keta to watch over his keyboard, he follows the staff to get his hair and make-up retouched. in spite of his tiredness, he chats amicably, gently prodding them for any idea of what to expect during the interviews. one of the make up artists laughs at his attempts and says, “you’ll do just fine, sungwoon.” he takes her reassuring words to heart and heads into the room ready to get through this. all he has to do is remember to reign in a few of his more passionate opinions, but if there’s one thing sungwoon does feel confident in, it’s his ability to know what is appropriate and what isn’t. 

“welcome back, sungwoon. this isn’t your first time on the mgas, but we’re still curious to hear how you felt when you received news of the callback.” 

after greeting the interviewer and taking a seat, he ponders the first question. “honestly? i didn’t think very much of it when i first got the email. i was busy making kimchi, which is just about the most korean thing i could be doing.” the chuckle comes easily as sungwoon recalls the rest of the band bothering him to abandon his work and check his goddamn email. they’d been so excited to hear they were going through to the next stage of auditions… their reaction to the news sticks with him more than his own. “i think i was happier for my friends than i was for myself.” especially for kenta, minhyun, and woojin. “some of them are getting to experience all this for the first time and it’s fun to see them go through the whole spectrum of emotions, you know?” 

he didn’t get to experience it with the whole band last year, so get the opportunity to now means the world to him. “their enthusiasm is infectious, though, and they ended up getting me excited too.” especially daniel, whose been the whole group’s champion from the start. “i guess aside from that, i was a little relieved as well; i felt like i should be able to do this much.” especially after his showing last year, to not even make it to callbacks would’ve been awkward. not that he’d ever expressed his doubts to his friends—or to himself. “i wasn’t ready for my journey to be cut short, though, so i’m grateful i got a chance to perform today.” 

“were you surprised when the judges were revealed?” 

“yeah,” he says immediately. even amidst everything else going on, the arrival of the five ceos caught sungwoon off guard. he understands the reason behind their presence here; it makes sense that they’d want to be involved in the selection process for the show itself. and to see how potential contestants react to their sudden appearance—whether they can keep their composure or fall apart in a bundle of nerves—is equally important, in his opinion. the live shows aren’t easy; not everyone can handle the kind of pressure that comes with it. “i might’ve blacked out for a few seconds in shock,” sungwoon laughs. “they are a lot more impressive than i remember. i mean, their collective aura is no joke. did you see so jisub? and katie lee… wow.” the ceos radiate power and prestige. it would bowl a lesser person over. 

“i was looking forward to performing for them again,” he continues after a small pause. “but if i’d known they would be here today, i would’ve done something different.” it’s hard to imagine what else he might’ve performed off the top of his head, but sungwoon knows he probably would’ve taken a risk and showcased a skill they wouldn’t expect to see from him. “but hey, that just means i have to live to fight another day.” he scratches his neck. “regrets and i aren’t good friends. i don’t want to go home and think, i should’ve done this or what if i’d done that. hopefully i won’t have to. hopefully the universe will be kind enough to give me one more opportunity to perform for the judges.”

“so how do you think you did with the performance you prepared?”

“there’s always room for improvement.” no matter what he feels about his performance right now, sungwoon knows he’ll discover a million things he could’ve done better once he stops and really thinks things through. it’s not in his nature to be complacent; the nagging voice in the back of his head criticizes more easily than it compliments. “i’m never fully satisfied with anything i do, but i think that’s a good thing. it just means i’ll keep pushing myself and keep try harder next time.” rather than being a burden, he thinks the attitude is a healthy one to carry into a competition like this one. 

“that being said…” the corners of sungwoon’s lips curve up, his previous serious expression fading. “this performance was representative of who i am. i worked on the piano rearrangement myself, and i really wanted to showcase a combination of my vocal and instrument skills. and i sang from the heart—which might not count for much, but that might be the most authentic performance i’ve given in my life, so how can i not be happy with it?” he’d left it all out there, bled himself dry, and he hopes at least a fraction of that came across to the ceos and to his audience. “my answer might be different tomorrow, but for now, i think i did alright.” 

“what did you think of joohyun’s performance? she sang a song by your band, empty enigma.” 

ah. surprise briefly flickers across sungwoon’s face before he can cover it up with a smile. it makes sense for the staff to ask him about her performance out of the other ninety-nine, but he can’t say he’s prepared to answer. “i still can’t believe it,” he chuckles, fingers idly picking at the stray threads sticking out of his pants. “my brain stopped functioning for a while. like, i actually thought i might’ve died and entered nirvana. for someone to perform our song on a stage like this one is… unreal.” his jaw dropped when he recognized the familiar music, the lyrics he’s come to associate with daniel pouring out of joohyun’s mouth. 

sheer shock eventually gave way to gratitude and confusion—why empty enigma? they’re not exactly… mainstream. it has to be a big risk doing one of their songs. sungwoon wonders if she did for daniel’s sake. he’s not sure what to feel about that, but now isn’t the time to unpack it either. instead, he presses both hands to his warm, pink cheeks as he thinks about the viewers hearing empty enigma’s music. joohyun’s done more to promote them than any of the band members have. “i’m thankful joohyun liked our music enough to do our song, and i think she did it beautifully.” he turns to the camera and sinks into a small bow. “thank you, joohyun! i hope someday we’ll be able to perform this song together!” 

“and what were your thoughts on your band members’ performances?” 

his face splits into a wide grin. “i thought you’d never ask.” sungwoon can talk about his friends and their performances for hours, but he tries to keep it brief. “all of them did a great job. i know i sound biased, but i didn’t realize how good most of them are, so actually seeing them up on stage was a shock for me.” he dives into woojin’s performance first since it’d left the strongest impact. “woojin… i didn’t know he could dance like that. i mean, we live together, but he’s a private person—so seeing all that charisma and raw talent come out? i’m proud but also slightly offended he didn’t tell me he could do that.” similarly, he didn’t know the full extent of kenta’s dance skills, though they’d come as less of a surprise than woojin. “kenta was also amazing. doing a jun song isn’t easy, but he pulled it off with elegance and charm. he’s truly a talented performer.” 

talking about minhyun is a lot easier when sungwoon doesn’t have to do so in front of him. “i knew minhyun could sing, but his dancing skills were a bit of a mystery to me.” pausing, sungwoon bursts out laughing as a thought hits him. “i guess that’s how you can tell we’re in a band, huh? none of us knew the others could dance.” he takes a brief moment to collect himself before continuing. “anyway, i really applaud him for showcasing both his singing and dancing today, and i love bruno. minhyun really did him justice.” god, he hopes this doesn’t air; sungwoon isn’t sure how he’d explain gushing about minhyun on camera to the man himself. “i believe minhyun has the confidence and talent to be an idol, so he’s definitely one of my top picks out of today.” 

finally, he comes to daniel and his eyes light up. “daniel… he’s polarizing. i’ve heard a lot of people say he isn’t talented, but he did an original song today. that has to count for something.” he loved daniel’s performance, but he’d probably love anything daniel does. the faint pink from earlier is still in his cheeks, and he hopes it isn’t obvious just how much he cares. just in case, sungwoon cuts it short. “his singing and stage skills have improved immensely, so i hope people recognize that and support him a lot this year. he deserves it.” 

“were there any performances you liked?”

there were a few sungwoon paid attention to aside from empty enigma and joohyun’s. “eunji—she did boa’s woman. i thought her voice and her presence were both commanding. i’m a fan. i enjoyed jeonghan’s song choice and vocal color as well; he’s a potential contestant i would definitely keep an eye out for.” he should probably diversify and mention more than just vocalists, but as one himself, sungwoon tends to focus on the competition more than the rest. “i heard someone sing day6’s shoot me—sihyeon, i think? i thought her song choice was very bold. i liked it.” day6’s music is some of his favorite to listen to, and he almost wishes he’d done of their songs as well. “hyojin’s acoustic cover was really good too. i wasn’t familiar with the song, but i like how he performed it.” 

this is harder than sungwoon anticipated; a lot of the performances that came first have blurred together in his mind. “some of the mash ups were very clever. i can respect the skill that goes into making them.” there were a few others, but he can’t remember them off the top of his head. “oh!” sungwoon says suddenly, smacking his palm with his fist. “the guy who did the trot version of lc9? i kinda enjoyed that. though my grandfather loves trot so i might just have a soft spot for it.” the name of the performer slips his mind, but the song itself is stuck in his head. 

“were there any performances you didn’t like?” 

sungwoon wonders how many people have actually answered this question. nobody wants to be edited as the designated asshole, so he imagines the answers have been safe so far. sungwoon isn’t eager to shoot himself in the foot either, but truthfully, there were a few he didn’t care for. “i think there are some performers who could probably benefit from a few years of experience,” sungwoon says carefully, his expression controlled into one of bland interest. “but shows like this have ways of making you grow up fast, so i don’t know if it’s all that important.” 

he wonders if he should just list the performances he didn’t like—the kid on skates, for one, because this is an idol competition. the one who’d done the baby shark remix didn’t seem all that serious either. “i also hope more contestants take the competition seriously moving forward.” sungwoon could rip into a few vocal performances if he really wanted to, but he eventually shakes his head and flashes the interviewer a smile. “i don’t think my opinion matters much, so i’ll leave it there.” 

“is there anyone you are certain will move onto the next phase of the mgas?”

“mason,” he says bluntly. “but everyone can probably see that coming.” it’s wild to think a debuted idol is on this show, and such a high profile one. his sheer wealth of experience both terrifies and inflames sungwoon; he doesn’t want to just roll over and lose to someone like that. “he’s a former idol with a fanbase, with the skills and training, and with the prior experience to kill it in this competition. i believe he’ll make it to the finale.” is it unfair? maybe. if sungwoon’s worried about going up against him, he wonders how some of the green newbies feel. “i hear there are a few other debuted idols here too. junhee—he did jonas brothers? i heard he was an idol as well, so he’ll probably have an edge over the rest and make it through easily. you can’t deny that people who’ve experienced this lifestyle, whether as idols or trainees, have a distinct advantage in this competition.” 

other than that… “i think moonbok might move onto the next phase; he was on the mgas last year. i hope joohyun goes through since she deserves it the most, probably.” for fairness’ sake, he should mention people he hasn’t spoken about yet. “i’m confident minkyung will, and likely chan as well. i remember being impressed by him.” and last season didn’t have many rappers, so sungwoon is positive at least a few will go through now. “if any of these predictions come true, maybe i can see the future?” he breaks off and laughs at the thought. him, a psychic? “i hope that’s true! it’d be cool.”   

“some would say you also have an advantage over others as a member of a band.” 

some? sungwoon would like to meet them. “maybe? but performing as part of a band and as an idol are two different things.” he’s not sure how to explain this to someone who hasn’t experienced the energies for themselves, but you can’t compare the two. “the way you play to the crowd—and play off them—differs when you’re in a band. it’s a lot more casual and fun and intimate in some cases.” personally, he thinks it’s freeing; there are less rules and restrictions, no illusion of perfection to maintain. 

“as an idol, you need to be more poised and precise with everything you do. i mean, i can’t say for sure, but from what i experienced during the mgas last year, it was… nothing like i was used to. the expectations for idols are sky high.” sungwoon shrugs and claps his hands together. “i don’t think my band history gives me much of an edge over anyone.” his fellow competitors don’t have to agree, but at least sungwoon made an attempt to clear the air.  

“is there anyone you are certain will be eliminated today?”

he grins slowly and shakes his head. “that’s not for me to judge, is it?” no way is sungwoon getting caught out on that question. but privately, he thinks skater boy is probably a goner. 

“thank you for your time. you may now return to your seat.” 

he knows he's not as entertaining as these younger contestants clapping and cheering for everyone, laughing along and chatting whenever the stage is empty. jinyoung observes, he analyzes, a mere bystander as the rest of the world marches on. names start being called, but he doesn't expect his own to come out in the beginning. the parks are closer to the end. after showing off his versatility, he can only expect to move forward, but he might not have made any impression. there's never a safe way to tell besides having faith in his own talent. he's not surprised, however, when he hears 'park jinyoung', just as he wasn't when he got his callback audition. will this resolve fade as the show gets harder, jinyoung can't tell for now. if he's meant to go home, he'll leave quietly, without making any waves.

after filming ends and they are allowed to go home, he is probably the first to leave the set. he doesn't wait for yugyeom, as they haven't spoken all day and jinyoung isn't sure of his plans after. he is more likely to go out with his friends than go home right away, which the older understands. yugyeom is outgoing, he's social, and so enthusiastic about this competition while all jinyoung wants is to find mina. he calls his mother on the way home too, as she wanted to be the first to know if he got through. she's ecstatic, though she keeps telling him she knew he would blow them away. jinyoung's heart swells upon hearing this. she knows he worries too much, he takes after her. mina is still waiting for him when he comes back, as the supportive girlfriend she's been since the beginning. he looks at her sparkling eyes and tender smile, and he once again thinks about how he doesn't deserve her. she loves him so much, and is so caring. sometimes he feels as though he's her whole world and it used to be a lot of pressure for him, to have another person depend on him so much. but mina is even more solid than he is when the people she loves crumble down. she's a soothing presence, and the lighthouse guiding him through his inner darkness. she congratulates him, and they don't do much else beside cuddling on the couch until it's time to sleep.

the song choice appears evident as soon as birthday comes on shuffle in his playlist. he can thank yien for this one, as he never turns down his recommendations. the idol knows a lot of music jinyoung hasn't explored, or wouldn't without some guidance and he's never disappointed whenever he gets a new addition to his playlist. he relates to the lyrics a lot more than he wants to. taken literally, the singer talks about being forgotten on his own birthday, but there's a much larger meaning to it. this feeling of loneliness, of going through life backwards because it seems as though no one truly cares or pays attention. and it kills jinyoung to feel like this when he knows there are so many people who want nothing but his well-being and happiness. he should be happy, right? he should smile more, get excited more, and yet he doesn't. there's no explaining it, or if there is, he's never found it.

he goes to work that day, looking at the customers and wondering if everyone's like him. if they still feel lonely when holding their lover's hand, or hugging a friend, or smiling at a complete stranger. he mentions it to jaewon, although too vaguely enough for jaewon to really wonder what's going on underneath the surface. they jokingly talk about how much life sucks at times, and even more when you have to work at a café to pay the bills. they both aspire to much greater things, and maybe jaewon more than him has almost given up on them now. jinyoung tries to hold on, after all, he's still twenty-two years old, his life is far from being over yet.

he arrives the next week with a heavy heart, and a lump in his throat. he's been practicing all week, in between breaks at work, or in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep. he feels bad letting mina hear him sing it; he knows she'll be sad that he keeps these emotions buried inside, but the sole fact that he lets her into these private, darker thoughts means that he trusts her more than he trusts most people. he lets very few people in, and the rest can only scratch the surface of his soul. whether it's a good or bad thing, jinyoung doesn't care. he wouldn't feel any less lonely with more friends.

they are once again brought in the studio where a stage awaits them, but with fewer seats this time. jinyoung looks over at yugyeom and the people by his side. he just can't bring himself to join them. yugyeom's his brother, sometimes more so than he is a friend, and so jinyoung lets him have his own friendships without intefering with that part of his life. they're so loud anyway, as are most of the contestants. it turns him off. sia gestures for him to come over to where she is sitting with a couple friends, most of them the same as last week. he decides it can't hurt to sit with at least one familiar face. as for the rest well, he could always strike a conversation if he ever feels the need to. he ends up very close to changbin, who left quite the impression last week with his self-produced rap. they both nod to each other, then nothing after that for a long time. he talks to sia briefly, too, both asking how their week has been, and he claps more loudly for her than he does other people when it's her turn to go on stage to perform.

he definitely feels lonely.

he looks around him, expression neutral, very focused on the performances but never really letting any emotion through. there's no way for the camera to capture his thoughts. in fact, he looks more like a still image than he does a living, breathing person, save for the rare blinks here and there to prove that he is, indeed, alive. the singers go first, and due to his name jinyoung is the sixteenth contestant to perform. it doesn't bother him. the placement doesn't matter, only the skill does, but there's still a feeling of restlessness as they all pass on stage, some doing amazingly well, deserving louder claps from jinyoung and some being disappointing, only earning a few spared claps.

"next up is park jinyoung, please come forward."

he breathes in, breathes out. will it be like this every week? his fate relying solely on five people who might not even grow to like him. some could say they're the most capable of judging talent but jinyoung feels otherwise. he's worth more than nods and 'thank you, you can go back to your seat's. but they're sitting up there, and he's down here.

as usual, polite park jinyoung bows to the judges and both sides of the stage where the contestants are watching him from. "i'll be singing birthday by rad museum. thank you for listening." he says.

today is not his birthday. but the feeling isn't any different. he's nobody. and they're about to get a glimpse of park jinyoung's demons.

From now on I’m not going to meet with anyone ever Don’t worry too much I never die Is it because I’m wasted? Oh I get so drunk I said I was leaving, but the place I wind up is the playground by my house

the song starts very slowly, and he sings the first part acapella, hand on the microphone instead of the guitar now strapped around him. eyes closed, lips brushed against the microphone, the words come out seamlessly, gently. he means every single one of them. don't worry too much about him, he doesn't want to die. at least not anymore. he won't disappear, he won't really leave, but part of him still wishes that he did. not to get away from people, but to get away from himself, and the pressure he puts himself through each day.

The day I was born Nobody knows The day I was born Nobody knows my birthday I feel so blue

from the chorus, his fingers start to strum the chords of his guitar and jinyoung moves his head along to the beat, feeling it right to his core. it's not about how nobody knows his birthday, but more about how nobody truly knows him. and so few people really care to pry enough to see what's inside. he doesn't talk much, and they rarely ask.

he feels so blue.

Morning sunshine, so long This city’s neon sign, so long My life is so long And it’s difficult I hate this day that finds me every year

he looks at the five ceos, grooving along to the music, then closes his eyes again. it's a very intimate song, at least to him, and he hopes they'll feel just how deeply meaningful it is through the way he delivers the lines and feels every beat. it's a very different style than the one he's done last week, so they can see for themselves that he can tackle more than one style. and that he deserves more than to be put in one category.

The day I was born Nobody knows The day I was born Nobody knows my birthday I feel so blue

Nobody knows what day today was Today’s my birthday Feels like a waste to just let it go by I want to party

the bridge isn't as sorrowful, there's a glimpse of hope in the way he says he doesn't want to let the day go to waste. to jinyoung, it's his whole life he wants to make worthwhile. he could accomplish great things and actually enjoy them if he just lets himself get rid of his shackles.

The day I was born Nobody knows The day I was born Nobody knows my birthday I feel so blue

the singing stops and at the same time, the music he's been playing. he takes a deep breath, giving himself a few seconds to get back to reality. he gets so involved in whatever he sings that he often ends up unable to get his mind off of these feelings for a while. he goes back to his seat and doesn't talk to anyone until after the next performance, which funnily enough happens to be junhee.

changbin speaks to him then, telling him he enjoyed his performance, to which jinyoung replies a very short "thank you, you did quite well yourself last week." it's obvious that there's a lot of awkwardness between them, not because they don't get along, but just because that's how they are. it took them everything to actually acknowledge each other and now that it's done, the conversation died as quickly as it came to life. all that's missing are these quirky edits korean shows make, of both the boys inside huge blocks of ice. that's how cold the silence feels.

jinyoung pays a special attention to yugyeom once the dancers' round begins, as while he has confidence in the younger's talent he just hopes he won't mess up. it would be such a shame if yugyeom were to go home because of a stupid mistake, and as a big brother he can't help but feel responsible for him. but thankfully he does very well, and jinyoung breathes with a little more ease once the dancer is safely back to his seat.

just like this the main event comes to an end, and they're once again met with an uncertain future in the competition.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE RESULTS LAST WEEK?

Ryujin is tired of sitting still already and shifts in her seat, also partly due to the fact that she is not entirely happy with the results last week. Having made it through to the next phase there’s some people that she think have been sent home, who shouldn’t have been. “I was sad to see SHIN YUNA going home, maybe I’m biased since she is my friend but as her friend I know she has a lot to offer. I hope that she will get other chances to shine.” In her opinion there are other contestants who should have been let go but she decide against speaking her mind about that. 

HOW WAS IT LIKE WORKING WITH SAKURA?

Moving onto the next question Ryujin suddenly beams again, her collaboration with Sakura for this week’s recording has been such an amazing time and she can’t wait to tell about it. “It was honestly the best thing that has happened to me in this show so far! I enjoyed my time with her the whole time and whether we were practicing, out shopping for our outfits or making our cute boxes I had a pleasant time.” She nods enthusiastically, smiling broadly. “I think we worked well together, as you probably understand already,” she chuckles, “there were absolutely no issues.”

HOW DO YOU THINK YOU DID?

Pouting slightly as she sometimes does whilst in thought, Ryujin think back not only on her own performance but everyone elses. “I think that Sakura and I did quite good, our dynamic felt very sincere and the way she complimented me, and I her, felt satisfying and smooth. I want to say it might be one of my more favourable stages so far, I had so much fun.” 

WERE THERE ANY PERFORMANCES YOU LIKED?

eunji's experience with interviews is limited, even recalling her years as an idol. no one had cared for their group then, too small to be in any demand. they hadn't even made it onto music shows, and the few interviews they had done were less than professional and did next to nothing to get their names out there. she's hardly even had a real job interview; working for her mother's store never required such a thing of her. so naturally, she's nervous as she takes a seat, a camera staring her down menacingly, unblinkingly.

thank god for the few minutes of practice before they start the real deal.

the little red light blinks on far too soon though, and eunji can feel the cold sweat on her back and in the palms of her hands, politely clasped in her lap, as a staff member asks her their scripted questions in a bored-sounding voice.

"who are your musical influences?"

"i have a bunch," she answers, putting her best smile on her face. speak as if to a friend, she tells herself, be personable for the camera. "i like listening to a lot of pop artists like taylor swift and ed sheeran, and it's inspiring that they write their own music too. i also like shawn mendes. when it comes to korean artists, i really admire a lot of girl groups. when i was a girl, chi chi made me want to be an idol too." that much is true, though it's been close to ages since she's thought about that innocent time. how life has changed her.

she takes a little pause to consider a little further. "i also really admire some newer groups. luxe, and my cousin is in eclipse. i'm proud of her." she doesn't intend to name-drop like that, not thinking that a celebrity family member might give her an advantage. eunji just says the truth. "i have dance inspirations too, like mina myoung. beyonce too, as a performer, but who doesn't look up to her?"

"why do you want to be an idol?"

i don't. not anymore.

eunji can't say that to the camera though, not without hearing jeonghan and junhee berate her for bombing her own chances like that. instead she forces her lips to stay smiling, pretending that she's unbothered by the question. "i said chi chi inspired me, and i meant it. i used to try to mimic their dances and i wanted to be on stage like them. and then.. when i was a teenager.. i did debut. but it didn't go well."

when she finally sees her reflection, it's not as bad as she had though. sure, she's oily and her hair is a bit frizzy, but at least her eyeliner and mascara haven't started to bleed; she's mostly unmelted. the woman blots around her nose and cheeks as best as she can with cheap paper towel, fishing a compact out of her purse to re-apply some powder. there's never a promise that they'll have makeup artists for them again, and even if they do, eunji would rather be as little trouble for them as possible. she adds a little more color to her lips, and tries to tame a few flyaway hairs with water before deciding she's presentable enough and returning to her seat between the boys.

"need a touch up?" half-jokingly she offers her compact to jeonghan. she wouldn't be surprised if he pulled out his own, perhaps less surprised at that than if he actually took her offer. "we wanna look good in front of the cameras. it's the only thing some of us have to go on." she chuckles to herself; she doesn't expect to be invited to the next episode for filming.

her name is finally called, and eunji leaves her things in her seat with a promise from junhee to keep an eye on it for her. there's no place for personal items in an interview like this, and certainly she doesn't want to look like she's dying to run out the door as soon as she possibly can, even if that is the truth. they sit her down in a small room, that unfeeling lens staring her down just as she knew it would, and tell her they're just going to ask a couple questions. she nods her understanding.

"how did you feel when you received the news of the callback?"

eunji smiles as she hesitates; what do they want her to say? how excited she was, that it was a dream come true? all she had felt at the time was dread. she has to go back, junhee would never let her give up so quickly and easily, especially if that meant wasting a seat that another hopeful might have had in her place. "anxious," she breathes, deciding on honesty. "i mean, i didn't know if i would be able to put on a good enough performance. these sorts of things.. they really intimidate me." the laugh she lets out is nervous, her smile thin.

"how was it seeing the set for the first time?"

"intimidating," she answers honestly again, using the same word as before entirely on accident. "there's so many cameras, and i've never been on television before. i don't know if you know.." it's not something she likes to brag about, or even talk about in general, but it's slipping from her lips before she has a chance to stop it, "i debut as an idol when i was a teenager. our company was really small and didn't have much money, so we were never invited on music shows. i think being here makes me think about how things might have been different if we had better luck.. or something."

she sends a silent prayer that they don't question her further on her past as an idol. she's thankful when the next question has little to do with what she just said.

"what did you think when the judges were revealed?"

was she surprised when she saw them? maybe, but the shock was temporary and faded fast. the ceos have been judges on the show since its inception; it only made sense to see them, even if it was a little earlier in the process than she might have expected. "they've been on every season of the mgas, i knew that if i continued to be called in i would see them eventually. i was a little surprised to see them so early in the process, but i don't think i was too shocked."

"how do you think you did?"

her smile seems more transparent now than ever, a worried little twitch of her brows betraying that she's not very confident in her own performance skills. she should talk herself up, right? convince them that she did well even if she did not. but eunji has never been a liar. the forced smile on her face pains her enough. "i think i did okay," she speaks slowly, gathering her words as she lets them spill from her lips. "it's been a while since i've sang and danced at the same time, so i think i took a risk. maybe it's too early in the competition for that sort of personal challenge.. this is still just an audition. but i thought it might make me stand out."

"what did you think of suwoong’s performance?"

the smile on her lips now is something a little more natural, a lot more playful. "who?" she feigns ignorance, as if she's never heard the name before in her life. she wonders, briefly, if everyone is being asked this question and about suwoong specifically. there's no way that they would have known about their childhood friendship; eunji herself hadn't even recognized suwoong until about halfway through the auditions.

"i'm kidding. he did the trot version of ring ding dong. it's very memorable." his performance had put a smile on her face when she saw it and even thinking about it now gives her some sort of joy. "we actually used to dance with each other as kids, so i was surprised that his performance focused more on singing. i wouldn't have expected that from him.. but then again, i haven't seen him in several years. if nothing else, i'm glad these callbacks gave us a chance to catch up."

"is there anyone you are certain will move onto the next phase of the mgas?"

"there's a lot of repeat contestants, aren't there? i know joohyun participated several years in a row.. some of the boys sitting in front of me did last year as well, i recognize them. they should all move on, shouldn't they? they've probably only gotten better since last year, and i think the one was quite popular." she doesn't mention daniel by name, and it's only out of some sense of justice that she decides to leave sungwoon unnamed as well.

"is there anyone you are certain will be eliminated today?"

eunji smiles and shrugs. "me?" her laugh is soft, but doesn't quite stray into sadness. "i wouldn't be very surprised if i was. there's a lot of talented and unique people here today, and i think a lot of them want this more than me. i don't know if i'm ready for this, to be honest. being in front of all these cameras scares me more than i want to admit."

she sucks in a breath, a quiet little sigh. "i hope my friends make it, though. they deserve it. jeonghan would be so good on tv, and i can tell how much junhee wants this. i'd be happy if i can just cheer them on."