#rkkmn

it’s always easier to move on to the next round when there are a lot of contestant. the fewer they become and the harder the choices will be for the five ceos. there’s undoubtedly a lot of raw talent in this room, some maybe more polished than others, some mostly relying on their popularity and star factor. the latter can’t be downplayed of course, as there’s no reason to have skill in the first place if people aren’t interested in you or want to follow you. still, it’s always a little annoying to see such people get by with minimal talent.

soon after jinyoung returned to his seat following his interview, the entire set falls silent. everyone’s eyes are glued to the judging panel, waiting for the dreaded moment when they will announce the results. his newly found acquaintance changbin is nominated as the top rapper, which comes to no surprise to jinyoung, but it’s choi minho who takes the win. unlike a lot of people here, jinyoung doesn’t feel any type of way for that guy. despite his best friend being in convex, he knows very little about the group and what kind of drama happened that led to the rapper’s departure. he’s not a hater nor is he a fan, and although he didn’t dislike his performance, he wouldn’t have gave him the win either.

he keeps a straight face throughout the eliminations, just quietly wishing not to be on that list when the singer’s turn comes. the top 3 dancers are called to the stage, and he recognizes hwang yeji from that one day at the hospital. they haven’t spoken since and he wishes her well. she’s a pretty good dancer despite her young age, but so is lee chaeryeong. as for suwoong, well, it’s not a question of talent really, but more his personality that jinyoung can’t quite figure out. he’s satisfied with yeji’s win, just as he is satisfied with heejin’s win later on. there was a slight disappointment about not making the top 3 but then again, he still believes he performed the best he could. for someone as obsessed with perfect as he is, it’s hard to accept average results, but he’s a good sport. heejin, as he’s noted multiple times already, is a very good singer. he wonders if she can dance well too, because if she does then she’s almost guaranteed to go to the end. her looks are very idol-like, not to mention she’s young.

joohyun was probably the most surprising elimination for jinyoung. he knew she made a mistake, they all did, and it’s unexpectedly fair that they wouldn’t favor her due to her past participations and already established level of popularity. she’s one of the known contestants here that everyone talks about to the point where jinyoung also knows about it, and even if don’t want to show bias, maybe he thought they would show more leniency towards someone they know, and he now stands corrected. there is no second chance in this competition, and no room for weakness.

he applauds heejin’s win with a proud smile, and it’s probably the first time anyone will have caught him looking so pleased since the very first audition. he’s also happy for sihyeon who’s finally been recognized for her talent. it’s kind of funny how some of those who changed categories managed to survive unlike those who truly wanted to show their best skill. in hindsight, it was pretty clever of them to do so and jinyoung wonders if this was calculated on their part. he doubts so for daniel, who probably just innocently wanted to show another side of himself. but that’s if he’s still the same person he knew all those years ago in busan. maybe he’s changed, like jinyoung did.

he doesn’t care much for the following eliminations, as nobody he knows has been sent home. instead, he pays close attention to what is said next. they are to be paired off in duos and present a neat performance showing not only talent but also teamwork. and it’s probably what he dreads most as of now. it’s not as easy for him to get along with people as much as he’d like, and depending on who he ends up with, this assignment might be his first real challenge. he doesn’t necessarily want to be with a friend, however, because it doesn’t always mean it will lead to a good performance. he ends up with yoon jeonghan.

they’re not friends per say, but they do know of each other and have worked together in the past on musical productions. jinyoung is very enthusiastic at the idea of performing with someone who has talents and tastes similar to his, but it can also be an obstacle in the end. they can’t put up something too expected. it’ll be boring to watch for everyone.

that’s the subject they talk about when they first meet up for practice. “since they know we’re both passionate about musicals, i don’t think we should choose that type of song. what do you think?” he asks jeonghan who promptly agrees. they’re both aware they need to showcase something different, more creative and challenging. something that will throw the judges off, hopefully in a good way. they spend a while just searching online, or scrolling down their playlists in order to find the perfect fit. and after going through several choices, they finally decide on romanticism by leo. the key is to make all the right changes to the choreography and harmonies so it looks and sounds as if it was meant for two people instead of just one. they need to be in complete unison, and not just seem like two individuals performing the same song at the same time.

their first practice consists of making these arrangements and going through them a couple times to see if they fit well, and deciding on the parts they’ll each sing. they both agree to practice on their own whenever they have free time, then meet together every day for several hours so they can put it all together. it just won’t work if they both work separately.

while jinyoung criticizes a lot, he’s also very open to criticism himself. as long as it’s nothing insulting, he believes this is the only way one will grow, and not with fake praises. if he sucked, he wants to know. if he does one movement wrong, he wants to know so he can fix it. if jeonghan feels it would be better if they switched one part because it sounds off, he’ll be open to the idea. what he finds exhausting is those who are too scared to make any kind of negative comment, or who take everything too personal. they’re impossible to work it, not to mention annoying. it’s all meant to enhance the performance. the judges won’t chose the best out of the two of them. so either they win together, or fail together. it doesn’t matter if one sings five seconds more, as long as it makes the whole thing better.

it’s surprisingly easy to work with jeonghan, and jinyoung comes home at night almost with a spring in his step, telling mina about how practice is going with a lot more details than usual. he’s optimistic, hopeful. if it were to suddenly come crashing down....

the two men sit next to each other, and jinyoung can’t help but notice there’s so few of them compared to the first episode. sixty chairs have disappeared since then. he remains exactly like the second episode, face stoic as he watched the first few duos perform on stage. the only moments he stops being a statue is in-between performances, as he leans over to jeonghan and whispers things inaudible to cameras, about what he liked and didn’t like.

yugyeom goes before with him, with a contestant called do kyungsoo, and he honestly has no idea what to expect when they first start. it seems like they managed to use each other’s strength and make up for the other’s weakness quite well, and jinyoung hopes it’s enough for them to make it through. some of the duos make unexpected yet good pairs, and some match so well it’s almost boring. he wonders if this will be the case for jeonghan and him, although they didn’t go for a musical number. are their skills too similar? but it’s not like they can suddenly pretend one of them can rap either, so there’s nothing they can do about it if they were put together.

they go near the end, with only three duos left after them. they both bring a chair to the center of the stage and sit on them after introducing themselves. the original artist has a very specific way of dancing, that makes every movement look smooth but not sloppy, and sensual but not sexual. there’s a fine line they can’t cross, and jinyoung does feel like they got in down after hours and hours of practice. jeonghan starts off the song with his first lines.

In my mind you’re my lord, the reality is not close enough You’re my one You’re my one

jinyoung parts his legs in a swift motion as the dance obliges, and because there are no backdancers, instead of gesturing to his empty side, he briefly cups jeonghan’s chin instead, making it one of a several modifications to the original choreography. it’s not hard to imagine he’s singing to his girlfriend right now, and wishing she was the one dancing with him. jeonghan and him aren’t exactly flirting together, their actions more inclined to the audience, but there still needs to be a connection between them, a sensuality that can be felt all the way to the very back of the studio. I see through your body, The sign that gets my sensitivity wet Your eyes are chasing after my movement As if saying come after you

in the middle of this verse they both stand up, leaving their chairs behind for the time being. the way they arranged this part suits the lyrics well. it’s as if they’re also chasing each other, delivering their lines back and forth like one echoes the other, and as jeonghan finishes it, jinyoung prepares for the chorus. two minutes isn’t long at all, and after this they’re jumping straight to the bridge so the transition isn’t too cut and dry. Dive-in for me at this moment, make me shiver one time Romanticism in our world together now Let’s feel it romantically, together now

the dance gets more intense and demanding, but they’ve arranged for them to sing half of it together, harmonizing each other. jinyoung’s gaze is piercing, and he has fun flirting with the crowd. there are a lot of parts in this song where they rub their chest, their face or roll their hips, and there’s a risk to make it look cheap and very cringe-worthy if they’re not careful, so they made sure to tell the other whenever it was too much, or not enough. they want to mesmerize the audience, not turn it off.  Piece of you for just one moment Feel me from now on

Let’s feel it sensually, together now Girl you know I’m watching you together now

they had to cut the last chorus in half to fit in the time requirement, but in the end it doesn’t really matter since they jump next into the other half which is kind of a nice follow-up and uses the same lyrics. they sing most of it together, dancing in sync.

and to think that around the same time last week, jinyoung almost expected to hear his name called for the top 3 singing performances. while it’s a competition and a lot of people have already gone home, making the prospect of winning seem more difficult than anticipated... does he really deserve to be eliminated this early? if he didn’t think he was talented enough to win, jinyoung wouldn’t have bothered applying. it doesn’t mean he believes himself to be better than everyone else, but he believes in himself and honestly, he thinks they’re wrong. no matter how he looks at it, no matter how he looks back at his performance with jeonghan and thinks of their flaws... there were duos worse than theirs. but of course, that’s only his truth. he gets no say in it, and did not hear the judges’ comments prior to taking their decision.

to be called mediocre of all things. on a show that clearly isn’t searching for the best talent, it seems a bit insulting. he waits to be given the reason why so jisub thinks that, but it never comes. jinyoung meets his fate with pursed lips and a nod, wrapping an arm around jeonghan’s shoulder for support. neither of them should be sent home right now, but here they are, after working their butts off all week. it’s everyone’s case, probably. but taking a look around him, he can’t help but feel as though the winners have already been selected, and the rest of them were just props meant to fill in some airtime since the beginning. he understands that he’s nobody. he’s no ex-idol, no ex-contestant, he doesn’t have a whole band of friends with him. he’s exactly how he felt the second week: invisible. everyone in this country knows how much these types of shows are scripted, but now that he’s experiencing it first hand, it’s worse than he’d imagined.  mnet has its picks, some that are in the top contestants right now, some who just benefit from a lot of screentime. there are others who jinyoung believe made their own path, like sihyeon who more than anyone here deserves the praises she’s been given so far. he thinks of heejin too, who is no doubt a favorite, but a girl with that much talent and star quality will always hog the spotlight. no one can blame her.

he clenches his fist. for the first time since coming here, there’s a rage growing inside him. he shouldn’t be standing here. if they want to see his true colors, he’ll throw it at them. he feels the urge to decline the second chance at performing, but it would be seen as giving up. he won’t give them that satisfaction, considering they barely notice his existence to begin with. it’s up to him to show them what they’ve been missing, and he’s greatly satisfied to learn he’ll be doing it with jackson.

this week is all about redemption. if so far he’s been a nobody to them, he can only hope to turn things around and let everyone know he’s not someone to mess with. but this could go both ways. he could be beaten down twice in a row. they could still hate it, and belittle their efforts. there’s no pity in this industry, he’s learned that a while ago. but just because they’re big shot ceos doesn’t mean they’re always right. how many times have they rejected talented people who went on to become superstars? so clearly, they aren’t all-knowing. they make mistakes just like everyone else. his talent will be recognized elsewhere if not with them. hyunbin wanted him twice. they will too.

jackson and him spend no time complaining about their situation. there’s no time for self-pity, and jinyoung honestly isn’t the type to just confide in anyone. they’re friends, but they’re not extremely close either. he shares how he’s feeling with his girlfriend, and for him that’s enough. he doesn’t avoid yugyeom at home either, and he congratulates him for moving on to the next round, but he doesn’t really... want to talk to him about what’s going on. he lets the younger enjoy himself and focuses on his own performance instead.

they soon decide on a song they’d like to attempt. it’s a nice ballad, with meaningful lyrics that don’t necessarily relate to their present situation, but tell a story they’d like to help come to life. about loneliness, something jinyoung has kept inside him for the longest time, and love. about being happy about what they have all while questioning why, in that case, they still feel so empty. but rather than only performing a simple cover, they decide to add harmonies to it that would be more fitting for a real duo. not just two people singing side by side, each having their own parts. they want to come together as one, and let their own vocal colors shine through.

they add high notes and other adlibs to the song, thinking this could set them apart and also show the judges the extent of their abilities. jinyoung is very good at emoting, so is jackson, but they also possess a technique they might not have focused on enough so far. for the past three weeks jinyoung has mostly tried to get out of his comfort zone and prove to himself and others that he can do many things and be good at it. but it’s time to go back to his roots, and belt out a powerful, emotional ballad. those are his true colors.

the set feels very empty without everyone sitting in the chairs on each side. there’s so few of them, and he looks at the other duos with a new found compassion. more than ever before, they’re all on the same boat. they both suffered a setback last week, but only two of them will be allowed to return. jinyoung doesn’t speak much, but he silently wishes them the best. the rest of the time he spends with jackson, reviewing the performance in his head. they both know what they have to do, but it’s just two minutes, and that’s very little time to impress a panel of five judges.

minhyun and jeonghan go first, and jinyoung watches his previous partner with frustration. jeonghan should not be here on this stage, he should be arriving later with the others, and so should he. there’s something so powerless about knowing just how much they’re talented but being unable to do anything about it.

once their turn comes, jackson and jinyoung make their way on stage, with their only prop being the microphone they’re each holding. there’s nothing else to focus on. no flashy outfits, no chairs, no glitter. just them and their voices. after briefly announcing their song choice and greeting the judges, they get ready, since they jump right into the song as soon as the music starts. jinyoung closes his eyes, and opens them again so they lock with jackson’s. he smiles. they can do this. they can wow them.

A life like this really seems nice I’m living a good life

it starts off sweetly, their voices resonating in harmony, and right after jackson belts out the first high note with brilliance. jinyoung feels hopeful as they go into the chorus, voices powerful but with a tenderness that shows just how much they feel what they’re singing. they don’t verse into melodrama, but if anyone in this room has ever felt lonely, they won’t be able to remain insensitive.

I’m so lonely, tears come into my eyes Loneliness comes and asks me Are you really happy at this moment?

jinyoung sings the last line alone, eyes closed as he climbs the notes one by one until reaching the final one. this song is vocally challenging for sure, more than any one he’s done up until now, but he’s a musical actor. it’s nothing he hasn’t done before. singing duets that tell a story, and not getting lost in the other’s voice. jackson is a wonderful partner in that aspect.

I answer (lonely) I’m so lonely (tears start to come) What is the reason for my existence? What is love? (what is love?) I’m so curious I am in love but I’m still lonely

the first part of this verse is jackson singing the main lyrics, while jinyoung does the adlibs. the ‘tears start to come’ is very high, and about as high as he can go without straining his voice. he’s usually comfortable in the middle range, as are most people with his tone of voice, but he can also reach unexpected high notes. and that is due to years of singing experience. he can now reach levels he couldn’t five years ago. they switch roles for the third line, with jinyoung singing the main lyrics, and they both finish together, gently, voices fading off as they let the music play.

after the very intense build up that just happened, there’s a long pause during which neither of them sings. they just let the track speak for itself, and let everyone and themselves catch their breath and return to a softer, quieter mood for the finale.

What is life? Why is it so lonely?

for a brief moment when jinyoung starts to sing, the music is silent, but it slowly picks up, guiding him through the last few notes, and jackon’s voice can be heard in the background, although very faint so it doesn’t outshine jinyoung’s. and right after it’s jinyoung’s turn to do his partner the same favor, harmonizing as jackson sings the last words.

for the first time since the beginning of this competition, jinyoung walks on stage with a bright, assumed smile as he bows to everyone applauding him and jackson. the other two teams did very well, and he doesn't doubt it was a close call. minhyun and jeonghan did, after all, perform a similar type of vocal-heavy song. as usual, it's hard to say what made the judges lean in their direction but jinyoung will satisfy himself with the bare minimum of knowing they did better. he knows this will create two very different reactions. those who believe they were unjustifiably eliminated and very happy to see them come back, and those who would rather have seen one of the other contestants step on that stage. jinyoung knows the idea of it isn't exactly fair, not only to the two duos going home today but all of the others who didn't even have a chance to redeem themselves.

but it's part of the game jinyoung has agreed to play and until the end, he will keep his head held high and refuse to let anybody dictate whether or not he deserves to be here. after losing everything and returning triumphant, he thinks he doesn't have anything more to lose. so he'll work hard, and prove them they were right in giving him a second chance. jinyoung hugs jackson out of pure excitement and emotion. he could not have asked for a better partner to pull this off, both complementing each other perfectly. jinyoung notices yugyeom's happy reaction, too, as well as sia's. they both seem ecstatic by his comeback and the singer goes to them as soon as he is allowed to, pulling his roommate into a warm embrace. he rarely lets his emotions show like this but today is a special occasion. he congratulates sia for her deserved first place, curious to see if she will maintain this top spot for episodes to come. it's always difficult to know what goes through the judges' mind. hopefully neither of them disappoint them later on. but if they did, it wouldn't be for a lack of skill.

the idea of trios is a bit underwhelming. this season promised a ton of surprises, never seen before events and so far, it feels a bit repetitive. but having a third person can also spice things up, challenge them, and allow and even more diversity of talents to shine on stage at the same time. it's easy to stand out in a duo, but the more people join the party, the more some will fade into the background. three is still a rather small number, not to mention they have three minutes this time to make sure everyone gets enough spotlight.

exchanging information with daniel and yeji goes relatively well. there's something about daniel's expression that leaves jinyoung puzzled, not sure if he's acting like this out of sheer awkwardness or because he's unhappy about the pairings. either way, they have no choice but to work together. he doesn't think more of it until the next day when they all come to nova for their first practice. jinyoung has mixed feelings about coming back here. the halls are familiar, but he's an outsider now, no longer part of this family. all of the trainees he trained with, save for a few, are preparing for debut. so if he were to come back, which he doesn't wish, it wouldn't be the same at all.

he enters with yeji who got here same time he did, and they settle into the practice room together. he thinks he knows where he recognizes her from, but does not see the importance of pointing it out. it won't help their performance in any way, and it's not like their meeting had meaning in the first place. she seems a lot more focused and determined than he would have imagined, too. maybe he had that preconception because of her younger age, but it is soon thrown out the window. clearly she is here to fight for first place, same as him. jinyoung greets the members of the other team as they arrive, too, but doesn't go out of his way to meddle with them. they're not enemies, of course, but they are rivals, and he doesn't know any of them personally. it's almost a blessing to him. as much as he likes his friends, they could potentially be a distraction.

they start looking up songs together. jinyoung doesn't have a set idea on what he wishes to do this week, as it's better to discuss these things as a team. they all have ideas, and he doesn't claim his to be better or more deserving. he won't however, go along with everything they suggest, and won't be scared to speak up if he disagrees. if they all have the same open-mindedness and involvment, no one should be left bitter or unsatisfied.

daniel finally joins them, and they exchange a small greeting, but the atmosphere is just as gloomy as it was yesterday during filming. it's quite obvious that something is off with daniel. jinyoung hasn't had the chance to spend time with him in pretty much forever, the last time when they were both children in busan, but from what he's seen, daniel is a friendly guy. not today, though. it's hard to really describe how uncomfortable the situation is, but he knows yeji feels it too. he decides not to pay too much attention to it right away. maybe daniel will put himself together and leave whatever negative feelings he has behind so they can do what they're here to do.

it doesn't go that way, however.

“daniel? are you listening? we need your opinion on this.” jinyoung says. he's not irritated (yet) but doesn't want to waste time coddling anyone here. he's the big brother often enough in his every day life without the need to be one here. at least not during practice. they can vent however they want outside of this building, but as soon as they step inside they should all put their game faces on.

daniel is caught off guard, confirming that he indeed wasn't paying any attention to whatever jinyoung and yeji were saying, and that reaction alone is bad enough, but what comes out of his mouth next... "i just don't have any ideas yet."  daniel responds quietly. now if jinyoung was not annoyed because, he definitely is now. "you don't have a single idea?" yeji retorts. "we need your input on this, oppa." the girl is right. jinyoung, looking at her, nods approvingly before turning to daniel. "for now you don't even need ideas, we just want to know what you think of these songs." jinyoung sounds like he's losing patience, though still very poised in appearance. "it's really not that hard." is this a hint of annoyance finally peeking through? either way, it's enough for daniel to apologize a few times, but it doesn't convince jinyoung. he doesn't care about an apology if the younger's behavior doesn't change.

and then they get a small explanation. daniel mentions his friends, and that he's not at his best right now. it doesn't take a genius to connect the dots. so that's what it's all about. his friends being eliminated? jinyoung feels his body tense up. the annoyance turns into anger. the audacity the boy has to come in here with a pitiful face on, whining about his friends after jinyoung himself had to fight to come back in this darned competition. not to mention they all, so far, lost someone they cared about. are empty enigma members some superior friends that losing them means the world ended or something? he glares at daniel, not a single of trace of compassion visible on his face. "if you give up now you realize you’re proving everyone right? that you were here just for your band and that without them you can’t cope?” he knows he sounds harsh but honestly, he doesn't care. if that's what it takes to snap daniel out of this pity party he's throwing himself, jinyoung will gladly take the blame.

yeji, to his surprise, takes his side. since they're cousins he thought maybe she would think he went too far, but he really is starting to respect her drive. she adds that he will feel better if he knows he did his best to help, to which jinyoung agrees. now, whether they managed to pull daniel out of his daze, he's not sure yet but they at least succeed in having him participate more actively. they finally decide on exo as an artist, hesitating between love shot and another song. now, jinyoung isn't exactly a fan of this group but it's a team effort, and it can't always be about his own music taste. it also fits the kind of concept they were aiming for. something charismatic and groovy, which love shot is perfect for especially if they rearrange it to a slower pace.

daniel finally votes for love shot, not before being an indecisive burden - much to jinyoung's despair - and it's time to advance to the next stage. they now need to decide if they will just perform the song as it is, or if they will make appropriate changes where need be in order to highlight each of their strengths. daniel quickly mentions that he's not a good dancer, a detail already known by both jinyoung and yeji, but the older points out that while a singing and rapping performance would not be a bother to him, it might come as a slight disadvantage to yeji. not because she cannot do anything else, but as a team they should at least show that they can dance what jinyoung sees as a simple choreography. the chorus especially is not very hard to master from what he's seen earlier.

yeji takes a small break to get water now that they've decided on a song, leaving a very awkward daniel and jinyoung alone together. or, almost alone if they take into account the other team going about their business on the other side of the room. jinyoung wonders if there's tension among them too, but so far no one has raised their voice. lucky.

"you're still quiet," jinyoung points out. granted, he's being quiet too right now, but so far daniel hasn't been participating a lot. it should be give and take, not just taking. daniel assures him that it's because he was thinking of the performance, to which the singer gives him the benefit of the doubt. he's not here to insult daniel. he doesn't want to fight him, but he doesn't have any desire to be nice when the other looks like he wants to be anywhere else but here. that alone is, frankly, more insulting than anything jinyoung has said so far. "so, what were you thinking then?" he pushes daniel to talk, hoping it will finally work, hoping they'll finally get some meat around the dry bone he's been since the beginning.

he does share he feels as if dancing would only highlight his weakness instead of his strengths, which jinyoung can understand. but there's always a way to include dancing somehow. he doesn't think they can avoid it, at least not for the entire performance. when daniel mentions that it would eliminate him, jinyoung almost points out it seems like it's exactly what he wants. with the way he's been acting, it's clear that daniel's heart and mind are with his departed friends instead of with them. instead, he just replies "then what would your rather show?" and although a little dry, it's a valid question. if he doesn't want to dance, what does he want to do? it's up to him to convince them, not the opposite.

but instead of a substantial answer, all jinyoung gets is yet another 'i'm a poor, pitiful, untalented boy who can't do anything so it doesn't matter if we lose i'll just go home to my little band.' or well, that's exactly how he hears it despite not being daniel's own words. he says he doesn't have anything to show, that it'll be exactly what eric said. and honestly, jinyoung barely has any idea what he's referring to. probably a comment sohn youngjae made in his interview, or to him personally. but jinyoung did hear bribes about some people questioning empty enigma's motives to be in the competition. which he paid no attention to until... today.

his busan dialect comes out when he speaks up, clear evidence of his growing anger. whenever he gets too upset, he drops the seoul speech unconsciously. “and you think the little kid has something better to show? take what he said and use it. fight, don’t just stand there and let him and all the others decide who you are. because i’m honestly starting to believe them,” he wishes he didn't have to be this hard on him, but jinyoung has had enough of the moping around and self-loathing. they have a job to do and he will be damned if they end up in bottom five and are sent home because daniel spent the entire week crying his friends. unless they die, he better pull himself together and stop looking so defeated.

daniel retorts that jinyoung doesn't know who he is. alright, fine, maybe he doesn't. the memories he kept of daniel happened more than ten years ago. the man standing before him is not the little boy he used to know. the little boy who gave jinyoung no chance to know who he is, because he left without leaving an address. and quite honestly, jinyoung had not thought about him in a very, very long time until he saw him perform on stage a couple weeks back. and the humiliation he felt when it took daniel this long to recognize him what not one of a rational adult. it was the betrayed child inside of him coming back to hate daniel for what he did, despite it not being his fault.

they're not friends anymore, he thinks. they just remember being friends, and that means nothing. certainly not to daniel who is too busy thinking of his band members to see what's in front of him: his very own cousin, and his childhood friend who wanted nothing more than to work alongside him and win this round. so no, he has no idea who daniel is. because so far all daniel has shown is how weak-willed he is. and that's not something jinyoung wants in a friend.

“if you want to show you’re your own person, it’s time to prove it. you’re creative and good-looking; put these assets to work. show us who you are.” he insists on the last few words. he has nothing personal against daniel. the adult jinyoung does not resent him for leaving back then. he understands. but he will not accept any more of this circus show. and yeji's voice can be heard in unison with his own, pushing daniel into a corner. now he has a choice. he's with them, or against them.

"did you improve since last year at all?" now hopefully this will set daniel off. jinyoung doesn't mind if he upsets him. at least it will make daniel feel something, react, interact, instead of just stand there and wait for the sky to fall on them so he can run home. yeji, done with their banter, wonders out loud if they're each to diss each other or practice. her reasoning, while valid, doesn't take jinyoung's motivation into account. he doesn't want to diss daniel for the sake of dissing him. he wants to break this never-ending cycle of self-pity. daniel will want to defend himself, at least he hopes, and by doing so will list the things he's good at. and if it doesn't serve as a reminder that he did, in fact, improve and has the potential to go even further if he allows himself to... jinyoung will believe he's a lost cause.

“did you already perfect the entire dance choreo oppa? is that why you are acting like this? AT LEAST SPEAK KOREAN IF YOU ARE GONNA FIGHT.” the first half of yeji's intervention makes perfect sense, though a little harsh (jinyoung obviously can't say anything about that), but the second half leaves him confused. what in the world is she talking about? "we are speaking korean!" the boys reply in unison. was it yeji's masterplan to have them finally agree on something? but it does serve to ease the growing tension a little bit.

“you can do this, and prove everyone wrong, but to be able to, you need to believe in yourself, and you need to participate,”  jinyoung has calmed down, and so has daniel. he holds the younger's shoulders, shaking him up a little. daniel finally agrees, and soon enough jinyoung asks for a hug so they can settle this argument once and for all. he really wishes daniel won't resent him for all of this, but if it serves as fuel to get him through this week it will be worth it. jinyoung doesn't mind being disliked if they can put on a great show in the end.

they finally gather in a circle, giving the songs a few listens and each of them giving opinions on how they could arrange it. they all agree that daniel has a musician's mind, and therefore would be able to work on the instrumental. jinyoung, who's trained in singing, can make sure the harmonies and line distribution suits all of their vocal tones and match well together. finally, yeji can work on the choreography. they decide that each of them will get a small highlighted solo that will focus on their main strength. daniel will get a guitar solo in the beginning and yeji will have a dance break during the first chorus, and jinyoung will sing the bridge acapella, to transition into the original song for the final chorus where they'll dance.

every practice until sunday is mostly dedicated to making all of these rearrangements, and each of them focus on their task at hand. jinyoung is quite happy to see daniel put so much effort. he still feels... distant, but they're on friendly speaking terms for the most part. they do practice a bit here and there, mostly for each of them to confirm if it's working out or not, for example jinyoung has yeji sing some of the lines to make sure her vocals match them. she did ask not to underestimate her, and while it's not his goal to do so, he wants to make sure it sounds the best it can.

starting from monday, they go into very intensive practice. the whole performance is pieced together and there's no time left for any argument. yeji is a very strict teacher, which jinyoung appreciates. he has no trouble following the simplified choreography, but daniel does encounter some issues. he's stiff, unsynchronized, and prone to apologizing profusely every time he messes up even if it disrupts the practice. yeji sets things straight and, starting from then, things go rather smoothly. it's funny, however, being in the same room as the other team at all times. they're both quite aware of what the others are up to, and the heavy breathing from the other team has jinyoung crack up his very first joke of the week. "is it the other team or just daniel dying?" it's not very funny. jinyoung is a serious person, but it does make daniel laugh at least - as well as kenta from the other side of the room. - and the younger says "both", refererring to his own exhaustion.

he doesn't not interact with the other team a lot. kenta is a bit weird, always doing something random whenever jinyoung looks his way, to the point where he wonders if it's on purpose to annoy him. jungeun seems to have quite the spunky personality, a bit like yeji, and hansol, well... all he really notices about him is that yeji seems to like him. now whether they know each other or not, he can't really tell, but there's an unspoken tension he can't quite figure out the nature of.

every time he can afford to go home, his girlfriend is there waiting for him, listening to his long, tired rants about how the week has been going. she is the best support he could hope for: giving him massages, encouraging him, even joining on the complaints he has about daniel's past behavior. they're both happy that he turned himself around though, and things are much better now. jinyoung feels like the performance is really coming together into something good, that they'll be able to present proudly comes thursday.

he finds himself sitting next to daniel once they get to the set the day of the recording. funny, how they started out this round ready to jump at each other's throat and now they have nothing but support for each other. they're a team after all, and jinyoung has to admit daniel did work hard once he snapped out of his sadness. it's not to say they've been the best friends, but they found that maybe they still have things in common despite years apart, and there's a potential to reconnect after the show is over. unless jinyoung goes home this week.

they watch the first teams, and jinyoung can't help but notice that the quality of the performances is ever growing. he doesn't fear for his own. they worked hard, and they put together something very creative that will set them apart. now the only thing left is to find out if the same few people will find their way to the top again, or fall down to make place for others.

he gives daniel's thigh occasional pats of encouragement, hoping to ease the other's nervousness should there be any. he doubts there isn't. despite his efforts, daniel still has some issues with dancing, and it won't magically go away. but he has enough charisma to make the audience forget about his flaws, if he uses it to his advantage and doesn't overthink. "you got this, alright?" he tells him right as the team before them step off stage. he leans over to look at yeji, too. "we all got this." they're a perfect combination of skills, and all they need to do is convince the judges.

they get in position in the center of the stage, jinyoung standing on the left (from a judge's perspective), then daniel and yeji respectively. after signaling each other with a glance, they all exclaim "we are the love shot!" at once, jinyoung immediately continuing with the syllable of his name "jin-" as the other two says theirs to form "jinielji!" and they end it with a gun pose, yeji and jinyoung turning their backs on daniel. he's never cringed more in his life, but it's part of what he needs to do as a team. sacrificing his dignity being one of them, fighting daniel the other.

daniel starts it off with his guitar solo, and leaves it behind once he's done as he's decided earlier this week after a change of heart. jinyoung was quite happy with that decision, treating it as daniel's way of wanting to prove everyone wrong. he's capable of more than just hide behind a prop. the instrumental kicks in to accompany their voices, and jinyoung readies himself.

Aiming at each other, to the point it's freezing hearing your voice, sounding so sharp I'm only filled with thoughts that leave me breathless Oh oh oh oh oh Aye Aye 

it’s the type of melody that instead of having people on their feet dancing, has them groove their head to the beat instead, and really pay attention to the vocals and lyrics instead of just the flashy aspect. jinyoung was actually surprised at how meaningful the lyrics were once he really heard them instead of being distracted by the choreography. of course, they want to end it with a bang, so the sensual dancing will come... later on. it’s definitely different from what he did with jackson. while emotional, it was all about power and soul. this week is about soul, also, but they’re going for a different vibe.

It's the love shot

jinyoung smirks, and aims the gun formed by his hand at the camera. the focus soon switches to yeji, who takes center stage while the boys move farther apart so she has all the space she needs to dance. looking at her, he’s proud. not a big brother’s pride, but a teammate’s pride. she worked hard, often overshadowed by jinyoung and daniel’s bickering, and clearly came out victorious. 

It’s the love shot

It's getting twisted, love and hate Our beautiful memories Are dyed in white Fading bit by bit

jinyoung can’t help but look briefly at daniel while singing. he didn’t really think of it during practice, but remembering everything that went on between them, including their childhood, it seems weirdly appropriate of his current feelings towards him. they clearly care for each other, but the sense of unfamiliarity after years apart makes it hard to really connect again, or remember why they even were friends in the first place. they both changed into different people, for one, jinyoung being a lot more serious than he used to be as a child. 

People come and people go You and I standing still in this world Slowly growing used to our dulled feeling

right before the bridge, the music slowly fades out, briefly pauses, and jinyoung’s voice resonates in the studio, smooth and clear. 

clearly, the song is about romantic love, but jinyoung is very happily in a relationship right now, and therefore does not relate to the love and hate aspect when he thinks of mina. instead he thinks of his lost friendship with daniel, and how yeji was caught in-between, and also forced to be harsher than she intended to. he wonders how they feel about the whole thing. but the more he means the words and the better his singing will be, so their faces don’t leave jinyoung’s mind until the very end of the bridge. yeji and daniel share the next part, as the original instrumental of the song starts playing, but they’re not dancing yet.

It's the love shot

he knows he's not as entertaining as these younger contestants clapping and cheering for everyone, laughing along and chatting whenever the stage is empty. jinyoung observes, he analyzes, a mere bystander as the rest of the world marches on. names start being called, but he doesn't expect his own to come out in the beginning. the parks are closer to the end. after showing off his versatility, he can only expect to move forward, but he might not have made any impression. there's never a safe way to tell besides having faith in his own talent. he's not surprised, however, when he hears 'park jinyoung', just as he wasn't when he got his callback audition. will this resolve fade as the show gets harder, jinyoung can't tell for now. if he's meant to go home, he'll leave quietly, without making any waves.

after filming ends and they are allowed to go home, he is probably the first to leave the set. he doesn't wait for yugyeom, as they haven't spoken all day and jinyoung isn't sure of his plans after. he is more likely to go out with his friends than go home right away, which the older understands. yugyeom is outgoing, he's social, and so enthusiastic about this competition while all jinyoung wants is to find mina. he calls his mother on the way home too, as she wanted to be the first to know if he got through. she's ecstatic, though she keeps telling him she knew he would blow them away. jinyoung's heart swells upon hearing this. she knows he worries too much, he takes after her. mina is still waiting for him when he comes back, as the supportive girlfriend she's been since the beginning. he looks at her sparkling eyes and tender smile, and he once again thinks about how he doesn't deserve her. she loves him so much, and is so caring. sometimes he feels as though he's her whole world and it used to be a lot of pressure for him, to have another person depend on him so much. but mina is even more solid than he is when the people she loves crumble down. she's a soothing presence, and the lighthouse guiding him through his inner darkness. she congratulates him, and they don't do much else beside cuddling on the couch until it's time to sleep.

the song choice appears evident as soon as birthday comes on shuffle in his playlist. he can thank yien for this one, as he never turns down his recommendations. the idol knows a lot of music jinyoung hasn't explored, or wouldn't without some guidance and he's never disappointed whenever he gets a new addition to his playlist. he relates to the lyrics a lot more than he wants to. taken literally, the singer talks about being forgotten on his own birthday, but there's a much larger meaning to it. this feeling of loneliness, of going through life backwards because it seems as though no one truly cares or pays attention. and it kills jinyoung to feel like this when he knows there are so many people who want nothing but his well-being and happiness. he should be happy, right? he should smile more, get excited more, and yet he doesn't. there's no explaining it, or if there is, he's never found it.

he goes to work that day, looking at the customers and wondering if everyone's like him. if they still feel lonely when holding their lover's hand, or hugging a friend, or smiling at a complete stranger. he mentions it to jaewon, although too vaguely enough for jaewon to really wonder what's going on underneath the surface. they jokingly talk about how much life sucks at times, and even more when you have to work at a café to pay the bills. they both aspire to much greater things, and maybe jaewon more than him has almost given up on them now. jinyoung tries to hold on, after all, he's still twenty-two years old, his life is far from being over yet.

he arrives the next week with a heavy heart, and a lump in his throat. he's been practicing all week, in between breaks at work, or in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep. he feels bad letting mina hear him sing it; he knows she'll be sad that he keeps these emotions buried inside, but the sole fact that he lets her into these private, darker thoughts means that he trusts her more than he trusts most people. he lets very few people in, and the rest can only scratch the surface of his soul. whether it's a good or bad thing, jinyoung doesn't care. he wouldn't feel any less lonely with more friends.

they are once again brought in the studio where a stage awaits them, but with fewer seats this time. jinyoung looks over at yugyeom and the people by his side. he just can't bring himself to join them. yugyeom's his brother, sometimes more so than he is a friend, and so jinyoung lets him have his own friendships without intefering with that part of his life. they're so loud anyway, as are most of the contestants. it turns him off. sia gestures for him to come over to where she is sitting with a couple friends, most of them the same as last week. he decides it can't hurt to sit with at least one familiar face. as for the rest well, he could always strike a conversation if he ever feels the need to. he ends up very close to changbin, who left quite the impression last week with his self-produced rap. they both nod to each other, then nothing after that for a long time. he talks to sia briefly, too, both asking how their week has been, and he claps more loudly for her than he does other people when it's her turn to go on stage to perform.

he definitely feels lonely.

he looks around him, expression neutral, very focused on the performances but never really letting any emotion through. there's no way for the camera to capture his thoughts. in fact, he looks more like a still image than he does a living, breathing person, save for the rare blinks here and there to prove that he is, indeed, alive. the singers go first, and due to his name jinyoung is the sixteenth contestant to perform. it doesn't bother him. the placement doesn't matter, only the skill does, but there's still a feeling of restlessness as they all pass on stage, some doing amazingly well, deserving louder claps from jinyoung and some being disappointing, only earning a few spared claps.

"next up is park jinyoung, please come forward."

he breathes in, breathes out. will it be like this every week? his fate relying solely on five people who might not even grow to like him. some could say they're the most capable of judging talent but jinyoung feels otherwise. he's worth more than nods and 'thank you, you can go back to your seat's. but they're sitting up there, and he's down here.

as usual, polite park jinyoung bows to the judges and both sides of the stage where the contestants are watching him from. "i'll be singing birthday by rad museum. thank you for listening." he says.

today is not his birthday. but the feeling isn't any different. he's nobody. and they're about to get a glimpse of park jinyoung's demons.

From now on I’m not going to meet with anyone ever Don’t worry too much I never die Is it because I’m wasted? Oh I get so drunk I said I was leaving, but the place I wind up is the playground by my house

the song starts very slowly, and he sings the first part acapella, hand on the microphone instead of the guitar now strapped around him. eyes closed, lips brushed against the microphone, the words come out seamlessly, gently. he means every single one of them. don't worry too much about him, he doesn't want to die. at least not anymore. he won't disappear, he won't really leave, but part of him still wishes that he did. not to get away from people, but to get away from himself, and the pressure he puts himself through each day.

The day I was born Nobody knows The day I was born Nobody knows my birthday I feel so blue

from the chorus, his fingers start to strum the chords of his guitar and jinyoung moves his head along to the beat, feeling it right to his core. it's not about how nobody knows his birthday, but more about how nobody truly knows him. and so few people really care to pry enough to see what's inside. he doesn't talk much, and they rarely ask.

he feels so blue.

Morning sunshine, so long This city’s neon sign, so long My life is so long And it’s difficult I hate this day that finds me every year

he looks at the five ceos, grooving along to the music, then closes his eyes again. it's a very intimate song, at least to him, and he hopes they'll feel just how deeply meaningful it is through the way he delivers the lines and feels every beat. it's a very different style than the one he's done last week, so they can see for themselves that he can tackle more than one style. and that he deserves more than to be put in one category.

The day I was born Nobody knows The day I was born Nobody knows my birthday I feel so blue

Nobody knows what day today was Today’s my birthday Feels like a waste to just let it go by I want to party

the bridge isn't as sorrowful, there's a glimpse of hope in the way he says he doesn't want to let the day go to waste. to jinyoung, it's his whole life he wants to make worthwhile. he could accomplish great things and actually enjoy them if he just lets himself get rid of his shackles.

The day I was born Nobody knows The day I was born Nobody knows my birthday I feel so blue

the singing stops and at the same time, the music he's been playing. he takes a deep breath, giving himself a few seconds to get back to reality. he gets so involved in whatever he sings that he often ends up unable to get his mind off of these feelings for a while. he goes back to his seat and doesn't talk to anyone until after the next performance, which funnily enough happens to be junhee.

changbin speaks to him then, telling him he enjoyed his performance, to which jinyoung replies a very short "thank you, you did quite well yourself last week." it's obvious that there's a lot of awkwardness between them, not because they don't get along, but just because that's how they are. it took them everything to actually acknowledge each other and now that it's done, the conversation died as quickly as it came to life. all that's missing are these quirky edits korean shows make, of both the boys inside huge blocks of ice. that's how cold the silence feels.

jinyoung pays a special attention to yugyeom once the dancers' round begins, as while he has confidence in the younger's talent he just hopes he won't mess up. it would be such a shame if yugyeom were to go home because of a stupid mistake, and as a big brother he can't help but feel responsible for him. but thankfully he does very well, and jinyoung breathes with a little more ease once the dancer is safely back to his seat.

just like this the main event comes to an end, and they're once again met with an uncertain future in the competition.

during his stay at nova, the trainers often scolded his stiffness, advised him to find a way to let himself go when  needed. he can’t always be in control, or lose focus as soon as he isn’t. they say despite being an obvious hardworker it sometimes felt as if he wasn’t passionate about what he’s doing. since he tends to get too much in his own head, he forgets to put his heart on the table, show vulnerability.

and he did make one promise to himself for this year: to be more unpredictable. so instead of barricading himself in his bedroom to practice without pause until the day of his audition, he schedules it right near the end of the allowed period of time and shares an idea with mina. “i want to leave with you for two or three days.” she’s surprised to say the least. she knows her boyfriend and expected him to take the audition (if he wanted to do it) very seriously and methodically. of course she doesn’t oppose to the idea. because park jinyoung always knows what he’s doing, right? and they leave for her jeju hometown in the following days.

it’s during this well-needed trip that slowly emerges the idea of his audition song. he wants to get a little bit out of his comfort zone by performing an english song. he’s nowhere near fluent but has been told his accent is very good for someone who can only sustain a basic conversation. plus years of singing and acting experience probably help with pronunciation. the couple spends almost the entire trip on the beach, mina resting her head on jinyoung’s lap as he sings to her. it’s all the practice he needs during that time. with her around it can only come from the heart, and he understands a little bit better what the nova trainers wanted to teach him.

after coming back he’s more than ready to take this audition on, and uses his time wisely. his analytic nature does have him go through the lyrics hundreds of time until he gets the right intonation every time, but he pays just as much attention to his posture, facial expressions and emotion when singing. because they should be able to understand the kind of message he’s trying to convey even if they don’t understand the lyrics. that’s what music is all about.

he’s a bit nervous on the day of his audition, but he takes it as a good sign. it means he’s taking enough of a risk for all of this to be worth it. he didn’t play safe, and they’ll see that he’s ready to give them everything he’s got to offer. sucker’s pitch is higher than a lot of male artists’ songs, and even though it isn’t filled with dozens of incredible adlibs it still showcases a lot of vocal technique. there’s a groove to it he didn’t show during the triple threat challenge, and he’ll also be bringing his guitar to accompany himself.

he greets the panel, introduces himself and the song he’ll perform, before strumming the first chords.

We go together Better than birds of a feather, you and me We change the weather, yeah I'm feeling heat in December when you're 'round me

they started dating on the very last day of december, his girlfriend and him. when they heard the song for the first time they couldn’t help but relate to it instantly. it’s different from musical acting: when he’s playing a role it’s easy to channel emotions he wouldn’t otherwise feel, or empathize with experiences he hasn’t gone through. but when it’s his own guts that need to be thrown on the table, jinyoung has been struggling with it forever. to show his true self without restrain.

I've been dancing on top of cars and stumbling out of bars I follow you through the dark, can't get enough You're the medicine and the pain, the tattoo inside my brain And, baby, you know it's obvious

I'm a sucker for you You say the word and I'll go anywhere blindly I'm a sucker for you, yeah Any road you take, you know that you'll find me I'm a sucker for all the subliminal things No one knows about you (about you) about you (about you) And you're making the typical me break my typical rules It's true, I'm a sucker for you, yeah

he didn’t smile during overcome, the song being serious as it is, but he does this time. he’s having fun and it shows. every time he closes his eyes it’s mina he sees, and the wonderful three days they spent together far from this city. they both know it was probably their last trip for a while so they made the most of it. and while being unaware of the true reason behind of his happiness, there’s no doubt he’s singing for someone, whether it’s someone from his past, present or future. mina really making the typical him break his typical rules. if his younger version ever knew he would fall for a girl like her... but she completes him in the best way.

Don't complicate it (yeah) 'Cause I know you and you know everything about me I can't remember (yeah) All of the nights I don't remember When you're 'round me (oh, yeah yeah)