HIATUS: 08/24

The lump in her throat grow with each step that bring her closer to home. She feels numb, she feels like the very soul has escaped her body to leave her with an empty shell that looks like a typically bright and promising teenager. Ryujin is anything but that right now however, after having been eliminated from a show that she saw as her last chance back into the business and to reach a dream that has been her dream since she was a mere nine year old chick. 

Her phone vibrates in her hand and yet she can’t bring herself to look at it and face the person who desperately try to contact her, she already know who is calling her. Ryujin know that she’ll eventually have to look Yeji in the eye, they live in the same building complex and they also do attend to the same dance studio, but now is not the time. She wonder how she will be able to-- after recording she was quick to leave, once the opportunity struck that is, without being disrespectful.

Well, quick as one can be while absolutely devastated, that is. Two of her best friends are still competing and though she is happy for them, she has no energy to think about Yeji and Juho. Not right now, it’s too much for her and she know that it’s selfish. Tears threaten to escape the drowning eyes but she isn’t one to cry, Ryujin does not want to cry... She reach home, having spent about double the time she usually does because her feet are just that heavy to move.

She is as slow as Flash in Zootopia when she reach for the keys to her apartment but instead of opening the door she just stands there for a moment, trying to control her breath and collect herself. She doesn’t know why because there is no one there waiting for her, but she suppose that once she close the door behind her the journey is actually over. The door opens, and she move one foot in front of the other, the door closes, and it’s like she has no legs anymore.

Ryujin is glad that she is alone but in reality, she could have needed someone to lean on. She whimper loudly when her legs give in and she hit the floor, ultimately it becomes too much and the tears roll out and down chubby cheeks. Sobs that hopefully nobody can hear fills the room while she hug her arms around her knees, Ryujin tries to bite back the cries but they come out uncontrollably beacuse it hurts so much. She was so close, but it wasn’t enough.

Ever since Ryujin woke up this morning she has felt unweel in an eerie kind of way, the feeling that something is wrong haunting her from the very moment she opened her eyes because it’s appearing to be a brand new sensation. She’s nervous, abnormally so really, when she makes her way to the Royal Entertainment, a route that is becoming familiar with time as result of the practice happening there. It’s early, but not too early. Ryujin follow the company’s schedule as good as she can while excluding the breakfast, especially today since her appetite vanished-- that alone is strange, and anyone who knows her would recognise the change.

She is the first one to arrive out of both groups and a staff member is showing her the way, it’s the same way that she has walked many times already during the past few days but she know that she has to be escorted by someone. She met them with a tired smile, head bowing in that typical respect that she show to anyone who is more authorised than herself. As someone who rarely ever has a headache it’s unbearable even to walk like this, silence consumes the short trip from the entrance and up to the practice room but their footsteps are loud enough. She has no time to stay at home though, she has no time to rest. It will pass, is what she tell herself and that especially when she notice that SUWOONG arrive a little while after her.

Eyes twitch slightly by the sight of him, briefly and so quickly that nobody would notice. While they settle their things and prepare to practice she notice that something is different, still. The lights are so much brighter than they were the day before, the sounds are so much louder. It doesn’t take Ryujin long to realise that this is going to be an incredibly long and tiresome day, and she has only just arrived at 9AM. JAEMIN arrive not long after, with his textbooks. They are practicing the dance still, perfecting it the best that they can because although JAEMIN is a very strong, creative rapper has he expressed it isn’t the same when it comes to dancing. He isn’t a dancer, but that’s okay.

He is teamed with two dancers, after all-- one way or another, they will all manage to learn the choreography. Luckily for him, the song that they chose doesn’t require much technique. If the famous P.O can pull off the stage then she is sure that JAEMIN can as well, they just need for him to practice, practice, practice. And Ryujin believes in him, she has huge faith in him. She’s worried for other reasons though, which she blame her unwellness for. Surely no one else has noticed how SUWOONG has treated her the past days, no one but herself because it is easier to notice when it happens to oneself. She doesn’t get it, what has she ever done to him?

SUWOONG is particularly picky with her, he always leave her to choose lastly and he flee the scene with her once breaks hit. Instead of getting to know her he’s seemingly everywhere but with his own group, every chance he get, and she slowly begin to feel worse and worse. They seem like small “innocent” things things but small “innocent” things add up rather quickly, and she honestly don’t feel welcome or liked in her very own group... and she simply do not know what she has done wrong, SUWOONG just seem to hate her for no apparent reason. She’s a hardworking girl who usually don’t take breaks but today, she has to.

She simply has to, or she will puke right there and then though that is a fact that she decided against telling her group about. It’s not like the elder male would understand anyway, Ryujin’s absolutely sure about that, because everything she does in his presence seems to be wrong. Closing up towards lunch time it’s becoming unbearable, overwhelming is an understatement and she honestly feel so awful that she want to sit down and cry. The waves come and go yet she can’t seem to find a pattern, suddenly there is a severe rush of nausea and then suddenly there is a immensely throbbing pain in her head. What is going on?

The only pattern she notice is that whenever a wave of sickness appear, her heart beat so fast and so forcibly against her chest that she wonder whether it will jump out of her very body. As she sit down for another break SUWOONG seems to have had enough of it and calls for a fifteen minute break himself. The lump in her throat grows bigger and bigger because she’s scared, it frightens her that she don’t know what is going on with neither SUWOONG nor herself. Ryujin uses the given break to call Jonhyun, her step-brother who happens to work within the branch of medicine, after excusing herself to the hallway just outside the practice room.

His message is quick and simple, Ryujin needs to find herself a place to rest and she know to listen to his advices. If there is anyone that she look up to, it is him. There is nothing that is as important as time at this very moment so she hurry the best she possibly can to find one of the nearby staff members, who agrees to show her the company’s infirmary where she is allowed some rest and some meds to relieve the symptoms. Ryujin isn’t sure what she is given but she takes it regardless, wanting to get better sooner rather than later so that she can return to the practice. Gosh, she forgot to tell JAEMIN where she was going. 

Well, surely the staff member would let them know. Before she lay down to rest she put on an alarm to make sure that she won’t oversleep, and she pass out almost the moment she closes her eyes. Just before that, she manages to send off a few texts to her best friend.

text sent to @rkxsnh (  혜주 💕 ) —— (2)

✉ ▸ i feel so sick... i don’t know what’s goign on  ✉ ▸ i’m at the infirmary, i don’t want to be sent home...  😭 

The alarm wakes her back up and although she feels better in the sense of why she came into the infirmary, Ryujin feels utterly rotten inside. If she could go back to sleep she would but she can’t, so instead she drag herself out of the comfortable hospital bed and sloppily head back-- she hopes that this decaying feeling will pass with time, and she wonder just what on Earth she was given just an hour earlier. That were some strong meds, that is for sure. She squints most of the way back to the practice room where JAEMIN and SUWOONG practice with the other trio because the lights are so gosh darn bright today, but find the room near empty upon arrival.

Oh well, she will have to practice on her own then. Ryujin doesn’t think much of it, other than wondering where they might be, they surely will return shortly anywyay... she hopes, anyway. And they do precisely so, she has only danced for a few minutes when they return and she’s noticing a slight change in JAEMIN’s face that makes her curious. It’s not very obvious, but it was enough for her to notice as she has spent quite some time with the other already. They’re not close, far from it, but she admire the other and he intrigues her. But hey, they brought her a sandwich! When she think about it, she hasn’t eaten the whole day, appetite non-existent.

“My head is fine,” she responds shortly because she know that he SUWOONG only ask about her head out of courtesy. A smile appears  though, due to the food. “But thanks. I appreciate it.”

They aren’t grouped for long before JAEMIN offer to fetch some drinks, and ask Ryujin if she would like to accompany him on the trip outside. Strange as it may be she gladly accepts that offer right away, fresh air sounded amazing when she still feel completely dead inside but she realised quickly that something was up, just like everything today. Sandwich in hand, she eats it on the way greedily, suddenly realising how hungry she really is. The questions that he bring her hurts more than she thought they would, and the fact that he seemingly believed for even a second that the rumors are true hurt even more. She can’t blame him however, he was never there to witness what actually happened with Amarante.

Ryujin explains to him the best she can, without revealing too much. It seriously baffles her how effective rumors are, whether they are true or false, and she suddenly understand what has been going on with SUWOONG, that he has been spreading lies about her all along. Her heart sink to the bottom of her stomach and once again, she want to cry while she don’t. Even if the tears are threatening to roll down rosy red cheeks she will not grant him that satisfaction, and she will not cry in front of JAEMIN. Drinks ordered, waited for and now in hand, they make their way back to the building where Ryujin has forgot for the moment that they are recording.

Other matters are more important right now and if the “GOLDEN TRIO” is supposed to have a chance to win they need to settle things, right away. So she approach the elder male, in midst of a face time which he end rather quickly upon their arrival. Ryujin doesn’t beat around the bush and ask why he is out and about telling false truths to people, and where the lies come from. Tears are evident in her eyes, but she still does not cry. He responds with a question of his own, whether she call his cousin a liar-- she is confused, she doesn’t even know who this cousin is and how she is related to the matter. SUWOONG says that he doesn’t appreciate that she insult his cousin in front of him and she want to snort, the audacity.

“Yeah, please call her.” She agrees to the suggestion, once she realise who his cousin is. The call should be interesting enough as Jimin has stepped way over the line by spreading lies, and if she don’t spill the beans she will have to resort to old fashioned threats. Jimin may be older than her but in the end, she could have faced serious punishment for what she did and was honestly let go easier than everyone else. Heck, the other members of Amarante did nothing wrong. She luckily didn’t have to threaten with their old CEO as the other tells the truth. Ryujin couldn’t care less whether SUWOONG apologised after that, she was just glad it’s over. 

They look absolutely ridiculous in their brightly yellow outfits that makes them all look like some giant bumble bees but honestly, Ryujin does believe that if they are going to have a fair chance to win this whole thing they need to walk the extra mile that she reckon some people will skip. It should be more than enough to gain attention though, and part of her love, love, love, that they are actually about to be this extra about the whole concept. They aren’t only covering the song, they are stepping into the roles with the same enthusiasm as Block B.

Considering how the week started it’s almost unbelieveable how comfortably Ryujin sit next to her partners, SUWOONG in particular, their first impressions of each other so turbulent it even resulted in the teen experiencing her very first migraine attack that sent her to the infirmary. If it wasn’t for JAEMIN then the trio would likely have been doomed because truthfully, the dynamic between them was just that bad. They call themselves the Golden Trio and are the very last to parform today; saving the best group for last, is what she like to believe. 

There are so many strong song choices this week but for some reason, she is confident in her own group. It’s a familiar trait for her to be convinced of the fact that her stages are good but it isn’t just her this time, Ryujin has such strong faith in the Golden Trio because they have been through both good and bad together, they have bonded in a way that she think has brought the three of them closer. The performances start off strong, some certainly more interesting than others, and she looks forward to the group that she shared practice room with.

Ryujin is beyond excited when they head down to ready themselves to perform, the eyes that she has felt piercing through her the entire month suddenly don’t feel so scary anymore since the truth has finally been brought to the table. CHAERYEONG, NAKYUNG and WOOJIN step away from the stage and leave it empty, ready for the very last group to perform. She walk out with the males that she has worked with for seven days straight, a cheeky grin playing on her lips as she know that they look silly. They introduce themselves, THE GOLDEN TRIO. 

“I’m Lee Suwoong, I’m Na Jaemin, I’m Shin Ryujin - And we are the Golden Trio!”

Not necessarily because they are the best, though she believes that SUWOONG would argue that they most certainly are-- she too, honestly, but the group name means something more to complete their concept. As they shift into their positions she know that they are starting quickly, and she has to hit the beat, which has yet to be a hinder for her. They look stiff like dolls, which obviously is by purpose, their whole posture revealing what they are aiming for. Tense shoulders, bright smiles, head moving from one side to the other as Ryujin voice the first line.

0.00 저 오빠들 이상해 Those oppas are weird

She almost can’t contain herself when SUWOONG screams, that alone setting the mood for a great performance, but she remain professional and instead of laughing she grin genuinely as she move behind the elder as she and JAEMIN pose as the current backup dancers. They are swiftly and playfully shifting between who carry that particular role, depending on who’s in front doing their part. JAEMIN is the first one out with a proper verse, the two others dancing slightly differently to him before they hide behind him, only to pop out soon after to each his sides.

His rap is flawless in Ryujin’s ears and she is proud, in one way, to see him perform something like this. He’s quiet and usually keeps to himself, so that he agreed to such an energetic stage definitely took her by surprise. It’s fun though, they are having fun-- she thinks, at least. She is preparing herself for for the next part of the song, the first verse that she has been assigned. It suited her perfectly, being able to pretend for a moment that she is the famous P.O of Block B-- he’s not a dancer, they don’t have that in common, which makes it so much more fun.

Fit한 턱시도와 Brand new shoes Fit tuxedo and brand new shoes 여비서와 Well-being food Female secretary and well-being food 근사하게 외출준비, Fabulously get ready to go, 눈떠보니까 꿈이야 opened my eyes and it was a dream

난 지금 레이스중 I’m in the middle of a race 내 출세가 남에겐 Bad news My success to others is bad news

Midways into her verse the males position themselves perfectly to each her side, SUWOONG kneel in front of her to the right side while JAEMIN stand suspiciously to her left. The former is supposedly, through acting, kicked away and at the same time the latter is knocked to the very opposite side. The first part of the rap lacks dancing from her side as P.O refrain from it during the original choreography, but when she moves into the short part of dancer and rapper U-kwon she get a chance to do both herself. The song has a short pause, before the refrain.

SUWOONG comes in strong as he always does, during a part that requires a power vocal. It’s potentially risky picking a song with such power vocals but Ryujin has faith in her partners, the very least she can do is believe in them as they have practiced their asses off for seven days straight to make it through. He and JAEMIN share most of the refrain as well as the bridge, she only has one line in there but that’s okay, she is about to deliver a full verse soon after anyway. High kicks, twirls and giddy moves shift into the puppeteer dance from the intro.

While the males stood in front during that particular part Ryujin slide effortlessly in, in front of JAEMIN and lead the march of dolls until another playful fighting scene takes place to introduce her next verse. One apparent hit from one male, another from the other, twirl a few times and then JAEMIN kicks her off into the spotlight again. She absolutely loves this song, there is so much happening although there is a obvious red thread throughout the whole masterpiece. She grins broadly, the others waiting in the background for their choreo to start.

Aight- 나이를 먹어도 Even though I age 지갑은 탄력 넘치겠지 I bet my wallet will become very flexible 헛스윙 날려도 나, Though I make a bad swing, 나이스샷이라는 Caddie “nice shot” says my caddie 나를 무시했던 놈들에게 I will shake the hands of those who ignore me 복수대신 악수를 건네네 instead of getting revenge 조심해 넥타이와 손목시계는 Be careful, my necktie and wristwatch 목줄 또는 수갑으로 변해 becomes a collar and handcuffs

During the fourth line she swing her hand as if holding a baseball bat, the others pretending to watch the imaginary ball fly away. Part of her can relate to the lyrics that she’s assigned, from the very start to the end. These oppas are weird, they most certainly are. Fabulously get ready to go, opened my eyes and it was a dream, she was ready to debut but suddenly she was cancelled. I will shake the hands of those who ignore me instead of getting revenge, she is better than a certain someone who most definitely deserved revenge.

The beat shift slightly during her verse and while the origianl choreography calls for two girls, as backup dancers, and a somewhat suggestive squat, SUWOONG and JAEMIN came up with an alternative that they were both comfortable with. Ryujin follows the original choreography as the dance itself is rather basic, she’s only moving her free hand, lowering her body at one time, and then getting back up just in time for SUWOONG to lead her out of the spotlight like a cop and a criminal so that JAEMIN could step into center. They walk casually back and behind him, as to effortlessly claim the roles as backupdancers once again.

Refrain comes, refrain goes-- bridge and finally, the final act of their show. SUWOONG, along with Ryujin, pretent to fight in a silly manner. One hit, another hit, Ryujin pretends to grab onto the other’s blazer before JAEMIN breaks them apart as he then lead them into the final refrain and thus the ending part. Ryujin was looking forward to this bit the most, the entire stage has been practiced to fit perfection but this last scene was something that they came up with all by themselves. SUWOONG, in fact, but she loved the idea so she went with it. They all share a line here and a line there, performing around one another just like practiced.

And then...

When JAEMIN voice that they have hit the jackpot they begin to toss out a bit of chocolate coins to the audience, like they are sharing their wealth with everyone else. It’s hilarious that they are the final group on the stage performing, having this ending to the whole lineup-- the coins complete the act, in Ryujin’s eyes and she feel amazing as she close up the stage. Her eyes meet some random pairs in the audience, they meet the judges, and Ryujin is goofing around while having fun. 

라라라 라랄라, uh, Luxury Luxury life Lalala lalala, uh, luxury luxury life 라라라 라랄라, Get that money money Lalala lalala, get that money money get that right get that right 라라라 라랄라, Luxury Luxury life Lalala lalala, luxury luxury life Anyway we’re playing hard to get lucky Anyway we’re playing hard to get lucky

Surviving to the next episode again and again has always been expected by the teen but the further into the competition she comes, the more anxious she honestly becomes. Working as pairs proves to be difficult for her even if her partners are the sweetest things, having had the experience of being betrayed before she can’t help but wonder if she will be once again. Last week she was paired with Sakura who she already know and are close friends with, which in honesty did make things a little easier, but when doubled with a stranger Ryujin was sceptical. The trust that she ultimately need to have in others has been so swindled to the point where it sincerely is difficult even trusting in her friends and aquaintances 

She learned rather quickly that her worries were unjust though, when she started working with Sia she noticed right away that the two of them get along well and that they do have each other’s success at best interest. Ryujin is a team player, she know that it is how they will make progress and it is simply who she is as a person-- she will do whatever she can to make sure that not only does she pass to the next phase, but that her partner does as well. And that has nothing to do with the fact that they are eliminated in pairs this season. They practice mostly at 1MILLION dance studio, which is practically where Ryujin has grown up-- having started dancing there at nine years old she is familiar there, and was the one to suggest it.

With the summer heat Ryujin made sure that they kept cool and relaxed by bringing the pair a chilled drink each, fruity smoothies for Sia and iced mocha lattes for herself. In return, the elder saw to it that the teen was well and sufficiently rested throughout their time together as a pair. In one way they behaved like friends who genuinely cared about each other’s well being-- which ultimately is their stage concept as well, best friends who don’t let anyone in the way of their friendship. Both of them came with song suggestions, Ryujin proposing Ariana Grande’s song “Side to Side” but felt more inclined towards Sia’s option of Ed Sheeran’s “Cross Me” with Chance The Rapper + PNB Rock though both would be good alternatives.

-.✦･｡ﾟ

Seated next to Sia in their assigned seats Ryujin think that they look so darn cute in their matching outfits, the elder wearing the darker outfit while the teen wearing the lighter. Reason behind that obvious to them but likely slipping the audience; as a rap and vocal duo people do often see the rapper as the thug one and the singer as the innocent one, so they decided that today they are switching it up. Ryujin, the rapper, prepared the white and endearing look while Sia, the vocalist, preparing the more dark and mysterious vibe. “I’m so excited,” she note towards the other in a whisper while waiting for the performances to start already. Ryujin can’t wait until it all begin, and she’s so eager to watch Olivia with Hohyeon.

As well as Yeji and Changbin, and Heejin and Jaemin. Those are the ones that are interesting this week, in her personal opinion, along with the question-- will Kyungsoo dance, again? 

Ryujin sure hopes that he will because she want to see a lot more of him and see what he has to offer. Compared to their blind date set up by their parents he definitely show other sides, all the while she can spot the same man that she already met before. Pairs after pairs perform on stage and soon enough, sooner than Ryujin has grown used to actually, it’s her turn to step up and she is confident as ever walking next to her partner who has such an amazing voice; their stage is different from what she has done so far, much different from it really, which makes it a little scary. Although they have both practiced hard, alone and together, and have come down to a satisfying stage, Ryujin can’t help but worry. What if the judges don’t like it after all? What if they expected something else, or perhaps even more of her already?

“5040 Shin Ryujin and 5026 Kim Sia.” They are finally called to the stage.

Glancing over to the elder with a little smirk she reveal how much she crave to be on stage, if she can say so herself she believe that the two of them have prepared a strong performance-- Ryujin has faith in them, and in in their stage. Once reaching up to the center she bow down in front of the judges, introduce herself and step into position. Ryujin begin the moment she get a cue from Sia, her verse starting off before the music come in. As she deliver her part she rap with perfect English as a result of having English speaking family members, she has spent so many summers in America with her grandparents she barely has an accent. They walk ahead together, oozing of attidude as Ryujin effortlessly pass her opening verses, and execute a little secret handshake of sorts that they prepared to show their close friendship during the second part of Ryujin’s verse making sure to hit it with the beat of the song.

Anything she need, she can call me Don't worry 'bout her, that's my seed, yup, that's all me Just know, if you cross her, then you cross me Cross me, cross me, if you, if you, if you, if you (Ryujin)

Anything she need, she can call me Don't worry 'bout her, that's my seed, yup, that's all me Just know, if you cross her, then you cross me Cross me, cross me, if you, if-

While it’s originally a supposed love song Ryujin enjoy that they have attempted to switch it up like they did with their outfits, that rather bringing a romantic love song they turn it into about a friendship instead. Her verse came to a seemingly abrupt end but that is on purpose, just as in the original song. She doesn’t make too much out of herself when Sia  sing her part as it’s the elder’s time to shine, but she moves her body gently to the beat of the music. Sometimes encouraging the other with ad libs of ‘yeahs’ and ‘mhms’, nothing too extra. The music stops at Sia’s “ayy” but before anyone has the time to wonder if they are done Ryujin comes back around with a beatless rap consisting of the same verse that she opened with. This time, instead of ending it abruptly the two of them merge their parts into a smooth transision.

Anything she need, she can call me Don't worry 'bout her, that's my seed, yup, that's all me Just know, if you cross her, then you cross me Cross me, cross me, if you, if you, if you

Sia sing the refrain with her beautiful voice and Ryujin can’t help but feel a little envious, having yet to gain any confidence in her own singing. The teen has given up that dream, and she has settled with the fact that she is a dancing rapper instead. Having two lines in this refrain she make sure that she understand what the lyrics are about, so when she deliver the words of ‘anything she need she can call me’ she look over at the elder with a smile and an endearing look in her eyes, as though the two are actually friends who will do anything for one another. She is surprised how well they work together on stage, considering the fact that they met as strangers. The part come to an end as all things do and finally, Ryujin is coming in with the actual rap. Due to her age, they decided that she would rewrite some of the lyrics.

And she ain't messing with no other man Now what you not gon' do Is stand there 'cross from me like you got Kung Fu Death stare, crossed arms, running your mouth like a faucet But you don't know that my girl been doing CrossFit Pew! Kung Pow! Knock you out with a cross kick Blowing air out, wear you out, you exhausted Know she gonna slide anytime you girlies gossip Keep a lil' blade in her smashin lip gloss kit, ayy No one say hi to me without her Better pay your respect to the queen Better do that ish without a flirt Gotta respect the HBIC Couple of things that you need to know If you still wanna be friends with me 

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE RESULTS LAST WEEK?

Ryujin is tired of sitting still already and shifts in her seat, also partly due to the fact that she is not entirely happy with the results last week. Having made it through to the next phase there’s some people that she think have been sent home, who shouldn’t have been. “I was sad to see SHIN YUNA going home, maybe I’m biased since she is my friend but as her friend I know she has a lot to offer. I hope that she will get other chances to shine.” In her opinion there are other contestants who should have been let go but she decide against speaking her mind about that. 

HOW WAS IT LIKE WORKING WITH SAKURA?

Moving onto the next question Ryujin suddenly beams again, her collaboration with Sakura for this week’s recording has been such an amazing time and she can’t wait to tell about it. “It was honestly the best thing that has happened to me in this show so far! I enjoyed my time with her the whole time and whether we were practicing, out shopping for our outfits or making our cute boxes I had a pleasant time.” She nods enthusiastically, smiling broadly. “I think we worked well together, as you probably understand already,” she chuckles, “there were absolutely no issues.”

HOW DO YOU THINK YOU DID?

Pouting slightly as she sometimes does whilst in thought, Ryujin think back not only on her own performance but everyone elses. “I think that Sakura and I did quite good, our dynamic felt very sincere and the way she complimented me, and I her, felt satisfying and smooth. I want to say it might be one of my more favourable stages so far, I had so much fun.” 

WERE THERE ANY PERFORMANCES YOU LIKED?