#jumin angst

your mind swirled with different case scenarios of what was happening. one. it could be the blinds covering your windows tapping against the glass. no, it didn't sound like that when it did. two. winds could be picking up very small rocks and letting them hit your window. no no, it's not even windy and two, it wouldn't repeat at a rhythm for 15 minutes. three. unknown could still be out there. really, you never wanted to think about that but there was a possibility. you moved a few blocks down from where you originally stayed, complimentary by V. but there's still a slight chance that you were a target pursued by the unknown hacker. 

your trembling hands reached over to grab your phone, tightly securing it before quickly retreating your hand back into the comfort of your own bed. once your phone was unlocked, the uncomfortable silence was interrupted by the tapping. this time the dreadful noise quickened. the fastened pace of the noise only made things worse, your heart beat jumped, as panic filled your brain. your fingers dialed the only number you could think of, your eyes flickered in between the pending call screen and your front door. too afraid to take your eyes off the area where the noise was coming from but too frightened to keep looking. "love?" your fiancé called out, yet once again after not getting a response several times before. "are you okay? what's wrong?" jumin's voice filled with worry as he heard unsteady breathing fill the other line. "mc. answer me." jumin quickly crawled out of bed, sliding on his nearest clean pair of pants before heading out his penthouse.

"send all guards to mc's place immediately." jumin ushered out. his hair was a mess given that he was only sleeping prior to your call. it was almost 4am, there was no way that you called jumin without a purpose and that's what made jumin furious. he was as angry as he was panicking. jumin quickly shuffled his way into a driver's car and sped off into the road. his feet were antsy, he's never felt this before. when elizabeth the 3rd had ran away, he was anxious, of course, but never did his body react in such a way. his eyes kept darting from his phone to the outside window. it only takes 8 minutes to get to your apartment from his, specially requested by himself. he preferred if it was closer than that but V did his best to acquire this one. jumin's phone fluttered from off and on with each minute passing as he waited for a call back. it was silent, way too silent, maybe even the driver could hear how loudly jumin's heart was beating. his unsteady breaths filled the silence as they arrived.

as soon as the car was shifted into park, jumin jumped out of the car, rushing to your door. his hands shakily unlocked your door with his spare key. "are you okay?" jumin questioned, his body finding yours immediately. you were almost paralyzed by fear on the bed, hands gripping the cold sheets but as your eyes met his, jumin's hands wrapped around your body. "jumin." you sobbed, eyes reddening with tears as you clutched onto his shirt. and jumin didn't say a word, he was glad you were safe in his arms at once, and there was not a single scratch on you. his lips softly ran kisses down from your hair to your forehead and with the free hand that he did have, he soothingly stroked your hair. 

"i just wanted to make sure you're okay." jumin spoke out. his deep voice did its best to soothe you and it did. your hands slowly unraveled from the grip you had on the sheets, hesitantly reaching out for his own. "darling, you can hold my hands if you want. i won't let you go." you brokenly hummed as you found his hands placed on your waist. "jumin… i was so scared." you cried out, tears were still rushing out but calmed down once jumin's thumb rubbed against the back of your hand in small circles. "it's okay, i'm here now. i won't fail you. i never want to lose you, okay?" if he was being honest, jumin was just as scared, if not even more. he worked so hard to reach who he was today, his heart opened to love someone who wasn't a cat or wasn't his father, no matter how many times he's been angered by him. jumin has learned to trust someone who wasn't himself. someone that equally loved him as much as he loved them. so when he woke up to a silent call, your voice was nowhere to be heard besides heavy shaky breaths, his body enraged with fear. he couldn't lose you. jumin didn't want to know what it's like to lose someone you love, not again. he can't lose you. and if one day, he failed to protect you, he wouldn't forgive himself.

"you never have." you quietly whispered but it was loud enough for jumin. the quiet but firm affirmation stilled jumin's rushing heart. "can you stay the night please? i don't want to be alone." jumin nodded, letting a soft hum be your answer as he placed a kiss on your lips. "i will never leave you alone. let's go to bed, darling." jumin kissed you once more, as an affirmation for him and you that you were still here. "i love you, jumin."

Before you could really delve into why you couldn't be wrong, the door opened. You picked up your head and turned to look at Jumin. His face seemed tense, but once he saw you were up, he relaxed.

"Did I wake you?" He asks as he loosens his tie from around his neck.

"No. I can't sleep." You admit as you watch him set his briefcase on the kitchen counter. He peels off his suit jacket and unbuttons a few buttons of his shirt, revealing his white undershirt, before letting out a sigh.

"My father is persistent. I have to finish this project by the end of this week." Jumin vents to you, making your doubts disappear. It was just work. Jumin was just busy with his work. Cheating was such a far-fetched idea that you felt guilty for even thinking it.

"I'm sorry it's so stressful at work, Jumin." You comfort as he strides over to his dresser by the floor to ceiling windows that look out over the city. He tossed his tie and button-up shirt into the dirty hamper before grabbing some pajamas.

"It's not your fault (M/C)." He says as he approaches you on the bed. He leans over you and presses his lips to your forehead, making you smile. "I'm gonna hop into the shower. Try and get some rest." He said before running his hand through your hair. You nod your head and watch him walk towards the bathroom, just barely catching sight of a scratch scraping down the back of his neck, continuing under the white shirt. 

You pretended to be asleep when you heard the water turn off. Your heart rate still hadn't seemed to calm down after seeing the scratch on the back of his neck. It could be that. Just a scratch. And that was a high possibility. But, something in you was telling you it was more. This could be a case of your fears taking over your sense of judgment and you were making a big deal out of nothing, but you couldn't stop it.

You felt the bed dip behind you as Jumin climbed into bed. He let out a long sigh before it went quiet. He didn't move for a few minutes and after what seemed like hours, you heard his breathing even out. It was deep and the rhythm of his breaths would usually comfort you, but now, with your thoughts scrambled and your doubts resurfacing, it did nothing. You turned onto your other side carefully, not wanting to wake Jumin up with your movements, and studied his sleeping form.

He was truly the man you fell in love with; with his straight posture and his hands folded on his abdomen neatly. His pajamas were always ironed and devoid of any wrinkles, even as he was laying down, you couldn't spot one thing wrong with his pajamas; besides his slightly crooked collar. You moved your hand out towards his collar and flattened out the small crease you had seen. Your eyes traveled to his neck and the small purple bruise that just peeked out from under the collar. You remember the scratch you saw on the back of his neck and your stomach flipped.

You felt sick.

You rushed out of the bed and ran towards the bathroom, barely shutting the door behind you before puking up the dinner you were supposed to eat with Jumin. 

"Y/n?" Jumin called out to you as he knocked on the door. You looked towards the door and wiped the spit/vomit mixture from the corner of your mouth. The scratch on his back and the hickey on his neck. Was he having sex with someone else? Was he really cheating on you?

"I-I'm fine Jumin. Just go back to bed." You stutter out while flushing the toilet. You closed the toilet seat and laid your arms on top of it, resting your head on your arms to try and calm your spinning head.

"Did you just puke? Are you sure you're okay?" Jumin asks.

"I'm not feeling so well. So you shouldn't come near me. I don't want to get you sick." You lie while biting the inside of your cheek. Jumin pauses, and you know he can't disregard the chance that he might get sick himself if he were to help.

"I'll call a doctor-"

"Jumin, it's fine. It's late enough. Just go back to sleep and I'll sleep in the guest room tonight." You snap at him. The realization of what you saw tonight finally pushes you slightly over the edge.

"Okay. I'll call one in the morning before I leave for work." You finally heard him walk away and the bed creaked as he climbed back in. A part of you only hurt more because of how fast he gave up. The Jumin you fell in love with wouldn't have cared if he would've gotten sick. He hated it when you felt sick and would do anything to make sure you were feeling better. His caring and selflessness only made you love him even more. Now, he didn't even care.

You let a few silent tears fall before leaning back against the tub, your head falling into your hands.

He really was cheating on you, wasn't he?

You woke up in the guest bedroom, your eyes heavy and your head pounding. You had made your way to the guest room in the early hours of the morning before Jumin stirred awake to head into the office. You didn't answer him when you heard him knock on your door and call your name. Nor did you get up when you heard him jiggle the locked doorknob. After the first attempt to raise you from your 'sleep', he gave up. Again, he barely even tried.

The moment you heard the front door close, you let your tears fall. The thought of being cheated on by someone you thought you would be spending the rest of your life with was probably the worst thing you have ever felt. So many questions were bouncing around in your head. Were you just not enough? What could've you done differently? Did he even really love you? You didn't have the answers and part of you wished you would never find out. But you also wanted the truth from the man you had thought you knew inside and out. You deserved at least that. 

You peeled yourself away from the bed and made your way to the connected bathroom, going to wash your face that was no doubt puffy; both from crying and the lack of sleep you got. The cold water on your face woke you up, but you still felt exhausted.

You walked back out of the bathroom and sat on the bed, contemplating your next moves. Just get up and leave the apartment? Maybe confront him at work? Wait for him to get home? Call him on the phone? You were unsure and your teary eyes and clouded head weren't helping your decision-making process. You let your head sink in your hands and cry for a few more minutes before finally making up your mind. You need answers now. 

You left the guest room and grabbed your phone from the couch where you had left it last night and searched for Jumin's contact. You pressed his name and held the phone up to your ear as you heard it ring. You composed yourself a bit by clearing your throat, wiping your eyes, and sniffling away any more signs that you were crying. You took a deep breath and you heard the ringing stop.

"Hello? Y/n?" Jumin's calm voice echoed in your ears before you spoke up. You wished your heart would stop racing so fast at the sound of his voice; it only made what you were about to ask so much harder. 

"Hi, Jumin." You finally greet after a short pause, unsure of how to start off. 

"Are you feeling any better? I called a doctor, so they should be on their way." Jumin said and you took a deep breath before speaking your next words. 

"Are you at work?" You ask as you walk around the living room. Your tone was serious as you disregard what he had said. 

"I'm stuck in traffic. Why? Did something happen?" Jumin asks, his voice sounded concerned, but you didn't want to believe that he was actually caring about you now. It actually made you pretty angry. How could he be sleeping around with someone else but still care about you? How could he continue with this facade? 

"Can you come back? I don't want to tell you this over the phone." You say as you move to sit down on the couch, bouncing your knee nervously. 

"Is it that important? I've got a busy day ahead and I can't spare any delays." Jumin said with a sigh. You could probably imagine him rubbing the bridge of his nose; he usually did this when he was overwhelmed or fed up. After a small spot of silence, you finally speak what's on your mind. 

"Jumin, are you cheating on me?"

More silence.

You bite your lip. Why isn't he saying anything? Why isn't he denying it? Why isn't he trying? You wanted him to say it wasn't true. That the bruise on his neck was from a pen that he tapped a little too hard and that the scratch on his back was from a jagged surface that he happened to lean upon. Anything other than what you were thinking. 

"Y/n, can we not do this right now?" Jumin responded with an irritated sigh. Was he being serious? You were shocked. Stood frozen and unable to breathe properly.

"You're not denying it." You say as your voice cracks. You wipe away the tears that started to fall. The fact that he was still dancing around the issue only says one thing. 

"I'm turning around right now. We'll talk when I get home." Jumin says before hanging up the phone. You let the phone drop from your hand, everything started to feel numb as you realized the truth. The man you loved no longer loved you. It hurt. It hurt so bad. Every good memory you had with him came flooding into your mind. Your first kiss with him in this very apartment. Your first date at this cute little cafe. The first time you guys said 'I love you' to each other. It hurt. 

You wiped some tears away, although they didn't stop pouring out, and stood up from the couch. Elizabeth III had made her way over to you and rubbed in your leg. You bent down and scratched her furry white head as you cried even harder. 

"Why'd it have to be like this Elizabeth?" You ask and receive no response but her soft purrs. Composing yourself for what seemed like the hundredth time this morning, you stand up and walk towards the closet, pulling out a suitcase and a carry-on set; a gift from Jumin on your honeymoon. You toss the suitcases onto the bed and head to your dresser, pulling clothes out and carelessly throwing them in.

You finish the dresser quickly, while simultaneously wiping tears the entire time, and move to pack any other items that you recognized as yours. Elizabeth the III seemed to watch you walk back and forth from the living room to your bag, then from the kitchen to your bag, and finally, you moved onto the bathroom. The front door opened as you were gathering your facial cleansers and your toothbrush and you froze on the spot. You look at yourself in the mirror and see a puffy, tear-stained face staring back. Swollen red eyes filled with tears was a pathetic sight to look at and here you were about to show the love of your life how much damage he has done to you. You wiped your tears and gathered your items into your arms, taking long strides over to your suitcase. You ignored Jumin watching you from the front door as you continued to pack.

"Y/n, can we please talk before you make any rash decisions." Jumin starts as he walks towards you.

"Fine." You say sternly, turning on your heel to face him, finally staring into his eyes for what seems like the first time in months. "Are you cheating on me, yes or no?" You ask. He doesn't reply and instead stares blankly at your face. "Unbelievable." You say while rolling your eyes, pushing past him to pack up the last of your things as he stood rigid in the living room. "Don't bother trying to contact me. And don't worry, I won't go to the press or ruin your image in any way." You bitterly snap at him as you walk towards the door, choking back tears as you realize this was really happening. Jumin really cheated on you and you were really leaving.

You pause for a moment when you reach the front door, every fiber in your body is telling you to stay. To try and work something out. But he was cheating and that was real now more than ever and it hurt more than ever. So, you turned the doorknob and left. The minute you stepped out of the penthouse it didn't feel right. Maybe because it would be the last time you would be here. You had no intention of returning anytime soon. So, in a way, you were leaving the place you called your home for the last three years. Leaving the man you called home as well. 

You made it to the end of the hallway and pressed the button to call the elevator, grabbing your hat from your bag to try and hide your identity once you left the building. You knew the paparazzi was always nearby to try and snap their latest story and you did not want to be on the cover. The elevator doors opened and you walked in, furiously pressing the close doors button to try and make this process go by faster. 

"Y/n!" You heard your name being called out and saw Jumin jogging to try and catch the door before it closed on him. You feared for a moment the confrontation of facing him. To talk about it. To have him either lie straight to your face or tell you every detail of how he cheated. Both options seemed horrible. You didn't want to know any more than you already did. 

The elevator dinged and the doors opened to reveal one of the workers from the building, startling you considering you probably looked like a mess right now. You both bowed to each other simultaneously and you grabbed your suitcase and fast-walked past him, wanting to go find a hole to die in right about now. The embarrassment you were now feeling was getting to your head; you kept thinking that everyone was staring at you and whispering about you. 'Why are they crying?' 'They look like they just got dumped.' 'Are they coming down from a bad trip or something?' Any and all irrational thoughts crowded your mind and you knew you had to get out of there fast. 

"I'm sorry, Y/n, Jumin has asked me to stop you." A man, who you recognize to be one of Jumin's drivers, says as he makes his way towards you.

"Tell him to fuck off. Thanks." You respond as you try to move around him. 

"He told me to not let you leave the building under any circumstances. I'm sorry." He says with a guilty look on his face. You glare at the man before completely ignoring what he had just said and walk past him, knowing he wouldn't do anything besides babble incoherently to try and get you to stop; which is exactly what he did. 

You make your way out of the building and pull out your phone as you hear the man's blabbering start to fade out. Ignoring him still, you call a close friend, hoping they would be available to pick you up somewhere nearby.  The phone rang and rang as you dragged your suitcase along behind you and finally it went to voicemail. You hung up and tried again, hoping maybe they would realize you were in a dire situation. The second call went to voicemail as well and you resorted to spamming them with texts. 

As you were spamming, you heard your name being called by an all too familiar voice, causing you to walk faster. The angry tears started to form again as you felt his hand grab your wrist. He stops you in your tracks, but you refuse to turn around and look at him. 

"Y/n, please just wait so I can explain." He pleads as he moves in front of you to try and look into your eyes. You furrowed your brows in anger before finally looking at him. 

"Explain what? There's nothing left for you to explain! You fucked someone else and lied to me about it!" You reply back as your voices start to rise. You noticed a few people looking over at you two and your embarrassment crept back into your stomach, twisting and turning it till you felt sick. "Just leave me alone, Jumin." You finish the conversation and pull your hand out of his grasp. You take one last look at him and see the devastated and heartbroken look on his face. A part of you is angry. He has no right to be heartbroken; no right to be sad. He knew what he was doing was wrong, he knew the consequences, and he knew how you would react- he knows you better than anyone. The worst part was how you wanted to just hold him in your arms till he looked happy again. To forgive him because you know after that he’ll smile and tell you how much he loves you. How much he cherishes you and needs you.

You look away from him and hit his shoulder with your own as you bump past him. 

It's been three weeks since you walked out of Jumin's life. Three weeks since you found out what a terrible husband Jumin was to you. He couldn't stop thinking about it. How broken and disappointed you looked when he last saw your face as you walked away from him. How betrayed and deceived you sounded over the phone as he recalled that bitter conversation. Where did everything go wrong? 

Why did he even cheat in the first place? He could've kept telling himself the same reasons he would tell himself every time he met that woman, but now it just sounded like lame pathetic excuses. And now he realizes he was in the wrong. It only took everything to fall apart for him to realize this and damn did he regret everything. He couldn't get the guilt out of his head no matter how many hours he worked, how many times he pampered Elizabeth III with frivolous things, and no matter how many sleepless and drunken nights. He was truly a mess and he deserves every ounce of this torture. 

As he let himself take another generous sip of his wine he checked the time on his phone. It was 1:44 a.m. He sighed and poured the last of the wine into his glass and set the empty bottle on the table. Elizabeth jumped onto the couch and made her way onto her owner's lap, meowing curiously at him. He smiled slightly and started to pet her.

"You're the only woman in my life I could never mess up with. Only because you don't understand a word I'm saying." Jumin says as he scratches behind her ear, causing her to purr and push her head into his hand. His thoughts traveled back to you as he took another sip of his wine. He wondered what you were doing right now. If you were just as miserable as he was. Or if you were doing great. If you had moved on with your life already. A small part of him hoped you were still not over him; as selfish as that sounds. 

He downed the rest of his wine and puckered his lips together, his mind still racing with thoughts of you despite how blank and empty his facial features looked. He pulled out his phone and unlocked it, the idea of calling you surfaced and he paused. Would that be smart on his part? Probably not. His judgment wasn't all the best in his state of mind, so he searched your contacts for your name and called. He felt like his entire body was shaking with nerves as he heard the phone ring. Would you answer? Would he know what to say to you if you did?

"Hello! This is Y/n's voicemail! Please leave me a message after the beep!" Jumin felt sick hearing your voice, even if it was a pre-recorded voice from 5 years ago. The guilt was eating away at his insides and picking apart his sanity piece by piece.

"I-I don't even know why I'm calling right now. It's almost 2 in the morning and I'm a bottle of wine down tonight I- I don't really know what I'm doing." Jumin sighs and rubs his face with his hand and leans back into the cushions of the couch. "I miss you. I miss your smile. Your laugh. Your comforting aurora. Everything about you. I-I really messed up. I'm sorry, for everything I've done and all the grief I have caused you. I was selfish and self-absorbed and just- just an absolute dick to you. You might not even listen to this voicemail. Maybe you already blocked my number. Good. I don't deserve to say all of this to you anyway. I'm sorry." He tossed the phone beside him on the couch and sunk deeper into it. His guilt swallowed him entirely. He needed another drink.

Jumin stood up from the couch, wobbling slightly, and made his way to the kitchen to grab another bottle. His alcohol cabinet was now growing bare as another long night was in progress. As he poured another glass and took a sip, he heard a noise. He stopped his actions and set everything down, his attention completely on figuring out where the noise was coming from. As he moved closer towards the couch, he quickly realized it was only his phone ringing. Someone was calling him? For a second he hoped it was you, but immediately he dismissed the idea and grabbed his phone and answered it. 

"Hello?"

Zen’s Pov A notification sounded throughout the room as Zen reached out to check it, towel around his waist and steam still floating up from his wet skin. He smiled to himself when he noticed that (Y/N) was messaging him. He instantly replied and placed his phone down just quickly enough to change into his nightclothes, his phone once again within his grasp as soon as he was finished and would continue to be held by him until (Y/N) needed to sleep. Usually, he would value his sleep above anyone else’s but if it was for her, he didn’t mind staying up later than he ought to. For (Y/N), even beauty sleep could wait.

(Y/N). Her name sent shivers down his very spine and he felt himself blush at the mere sound of just her name. Never before had he felt like this about anyone, it seemed unreal - as if they were the leading love interests in a movie, destined to fall in love under mysterious and dramatic circumstances. Perhaps he was just too much of a hopeless romantic, but a part of him dreamt of a future where, just maybe, (Y/N) could be with him. Maybe his fantasies would remain simple wishful thinking, but hope blossomed within his chest.

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Jumin’s POV Golden light shined down upon the party guests from the ceiling above, encasing everything in its glittery gleam, including (Y/N). Jumin stared at her like a man who had never before witnessed the radiant allure of the sun; she took his breath - his very life force - away with a single smile. His heart pounded in his chest and lightheadedness crept into his head as he attempted to clear his throat and conceal the gentle blush that clung onto his cheeks. God above, why did he feel so...nervous, around her? She was...wonderful. She was absolutely perfect - she was the woman with the most awe-inspiring personality, and now it turned out she was also the most stunning woman he’d ever laid his eyes upon. Guilt spilled into his thoughts like dripping ink at the sudden remembrance of the emotions he held for Rika that had been kept tightly locked inside of him in secret from the world because Rika hadn’t been his to love. And now she was dead, he reminded himself, trying to shake the irrational feeling of betrayal. He could not betray someone who was dead, and one who was never his, to begin with.

It seemed, at times, that (Y/N) was the only cure for his troubles. The moment he snapped out of his mental strife and turned his gaze back to her, the concept of Rika faded into obscurity. (Y/N) saved him from reliving the past that he wished to bury behind in the dust. Dark eyebrows furrowed, however, when he noticed a certain snow-haired pest speaking to her. Zen. Taking a deep breath, he glared at the male from a distance, wineglass full of crimson held in his hand as he observed them. What was Zen planning, he wondered? It was no secret to anyone that Zen held affections for his (Y/N) - Jumin froze, staring down into his vermillion reflection in the wine, mentally correcting himself that, no, (Y/N) was not his - as much as he desired her to be. Dark temptation clawed away at him regardless, whispering things he’d never say aloud. No, no...you were your own person, and you would choose who you would want to be with, but Jumin could not help hoping that you shared his romantic sentiments. He already felt the bitter sting of unrequited love once when he’d been forced to watch his best friend almost marry the woman he loved, and the idea of going through that humiliating pain once again made his throat tighten with fear.

Oh, Love, what a fool it made of him.

Zen’s Pov “(Y/N)...” His enthralled voice gained the woman’s attention as she turned around to face him, smiling, but the snow-haired man noticed melancholy hidden away inside her eyes at all times. “Zen.” She greeted politely, nodding her head at him as an acknowledgement of his presence, her hands held together at her front; she was clearly uncomfortable in such a large crowd of people, and did not enjoy the stares of men on her dolled-up figure. He couldn’t blame anyone from being enraptured by her beauty; she reminded him much of the glimmering moon - to be awed, adored and admired. “Y-You, uh,” He cleared his throat, uncharacteristically awkwardly for him, “You look gorgeous tonight.” His compliment caused her to smile weakly, “Thank you, Zen. You look quite handsome tonight, as well.” Hiding his smile was impossible when she complimented him, a cherry-blossom pink coated his cheeks. He could tell from her restless body language she seemed to abhor the staring strangers, and he had a brilliant idea. “Would you like to go to the garden with me for a walk?” For a flicker of a moment, he saw excitement shining in her (e/c) eyes, but this was quickly replaced with fright. “I-I…” She stuttered, sighing softly and shaking her head, “I’m sorry, Zen.” Her tone was colder, now. She was distancing herself from him yet again. “I...have to go use the ladies’ room.” With newly-found speed she left the ballroom into the corridors, not turning back to look at him once.

Dejected, Zen sighed and walked over to where the wines, champagnes and snacks were stationed, deciding a drink would not be bad in this situation. He wondered if he did something wrong; did he offend (Y/N) in some unknown way? Or was he simply too forward with his advances? Did she have no feelings for him at all?

“Looks like your narcissism has frightened (Y/N) away.” Zen internally groaned  as he poured himself a glass of champagne, glaring over his shoulder at the dark-eyed man speaking to him, “At least I try to talk to her and socialize instead of staring like a stalker, Trustfund Kid.” A soft growl sounded from Jumin’s throat as he clenched the wineglass in his hand. “Besides,” Zen added, taking  a large sip of his champagne, “It isn’t as though she’s been any closer to you than she’s been with anyone else.”

“Hey guys!” Seven’s cheery tone distracted them both from their passive-aggressive semi-argument, waving over to them as he walked over, hands loosely inside his pant pockets. “Why is it that there’s never any honey Buddha chips at these events? The tragedy!” He dramatically lamented, causing Zen to snicker and Jumin to sigh and roll his eyes, drinking his wine silently. Having been a spy, the red-haired hacker was able to pick up on the tension between the two with ease, wondering what happened; this didn’t feel like the typical petty arguments and banter that the two would have, it was more...personal. “What has your eyebrows in a furrow?” He questioned them both, crossing his arms as he leaned against the table in the middle of them, a goofy smile on his face. He was trying to cheer them both up the only way he knew how. He wanted his friends to just...be happy. Be happy like he feared he would never be. “Tell Uncle Seven what’s wrong-” “-Only if you promise to never refer to yourself as ‘Uncle Seven’ ever again.” Jumin quickly cut in, downing the last of his wine and turning to pour himself another glass.  Zen laughed softly, but then reminded himself of the situation at hand, and swirled the champagne in its glass, lost in thought. “It’s about (Y/N), isn’t it?” That caught both Jumin and Zen off-guard, as they turned to Seven in bewilderment. “How’d you know?” Zen choked out, almost dropping his glass from the embarrassment. He felt like a lovesick schoolboy when it came to (Y/N). Seven laughed and shook his head, “You both act as though your feelings for her aren’t the most obvious things in the world.”

“Unfortunately,” Seven’s tone contrasted from playful to severe, “I don’t think she’ll be getting involved with either of you.” “Oh?” Jumin’s eyes squinted as he listened to Seven, urging him silently to continue, taking another sip of wine, “Why’s that?” “Oh, she’s a widow-” Seven spoke before thinking, immediately covering his mouth with his hand, wide-eyed and nervous before slouching. “I...should not have told you that.” He decided, regrettably. Turning around, Seven made sure (Y/N) was nowhere in sight before continuing, but the news seemed to shock Jumin who released his hold on the wine glass, causing the crimson to spill and glass to shatter. “Widowed?” Both Zen and Jumin gasped at once.

Zen threw his head back and downed the champagne before taking a deep breath. That was...certainly not what he’d been expecting. He turned to look at Jumin, who seemed more shocked by the news than he did. The businessman cleared his throat and excused himself, leaving the room. For once, Zen couldn’t blame him; he felt faint himself. (Y/N) had been married before; and not only that, she’d been widowed. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain that brought with it. To love someone and have them taken away from you by the cruelty of Fate...

                                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jumin’s POV Fingers tapping on his glass desk, Jumin tried to think about work-related matters but found himself unable to focus on anything other than (Y/N) and her status as a widow. If there was one reason as to why she seemed so hesitant to be remotely romantic with anyone, Jumin hadn’t expected this to be it and, frankly, he was having a painfully difficult time adjusting to the information Seven had blurted out at the party.

He picked up the wine glass beside him - he decided since he couldn’t focus on work anyway, he might as well try to relax his nerves with his favourite drink - taking a generous sip of the blood-like substance in order to cope with the torment of his mind. (Y/N) had been married, once. What if her husband were still alive?  He likely would have never even met her; and if he had, he knew better than to assume he would’ve had a chance at seducing (Y/N) into leaving him. Yet it made him wonder what type of man he was. The first thought was that he was a good husband, but a twisted aspect of his personality made him hope for the worst - that (Y/N)’s late husband was cruel, abusive, arrogant...and soon he found himself spiralling into a near-obsession with the concept of her dead husband.

Did she still love him? Had she never loved him? Was she a happy bride or neglected, abused? Did he please her sexually, or was their marriage a stale one?

A thousand questions required two thousand answers in order to satisfy Jumin Han and sate his curiosity. Placing the glass down he took his phone and decided to fulfil some favours owed to him by people who had...connections. “Good evening to you, Mr Song*.” He spoke up immediately after hearing the man answer from the other side, “It’s Jumin Han. I assume you know why I’m calling?” Jumin’s voice was cunning, decisive and darker than it perhaps ought to have been. “Mhm. Exactly,” The corners of Jumin’s lips turned up into a smile, spinning around in his chair to face the nighttime city skylines. He spent most of his nights at his office. “I need you to run a thorough investigation on (L/N) (Y/N). Specifically on her relationship with her late husband.” He leaned back against the leather seat and drank in the beauty of a city at night as he spoke, “Brilliant. Goodbye.” He hung up, feeling accomplished. A part of Jumin knew this was wrong to do. He knew that this was (Y/N)’s private life, that she deserved her privacy; but he also couldn’t bring himself to care - not when his sanity felt as though it was hanging on by a thread if he didn’t find out about her previous marriage.

And, more importantly; he needed to find out how to win her heart from a man who was buried six-feet-underground and win against the feelings she felt for him in the past. The investigation was a reasonable step, he was sure she’d understand.                                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Zen’s POV Pacing around his apartment, Zen tried to think of what to say to (Y/N) the next time he saw her. Should he even tell her he knew? Or keep it a secret? Logically he knew that the moral thing to do was to tell her but a selfish part of him wished to make her believe he was clueless about the status of her marriage (or lack thereof) so that nothing would change. Still, he thought of himself as a man who respected morals, and he knew what the right thing to do was - he had to meet with her and talk. Until now, he believed she was just shy or scared of falling in love - he supposed the latter was true, in a way, but not as he had expected. There was a thought in the back of his mind that spoke to him; What if (Y/N) is still in love with her husband? It was a dreaded thought, but one he understood was possible. In the end, no matter how deep his feelings for (Y/N) ran, he knew that what she suffered through had been a traumatic experience and he was not going to try and force himself into her heart if her heart was eternally closed and beating for a long-gone man. Who was he to try to pry it open? He wanted to, of course - he wanted to try and find a way into gaining her love - but he couldn’t. Not when his mind told him the better option was to communicate with her and ask her if she could ever see him in a romantic light. If all she would ever see him as is a friend, he’d take it, even if it was going to shatter his heart.

Just...as long as he could be a part of her life, he’d be okay.

                                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meeting with (Y/N) was easier said than done. Here Zen was, preparing for her to come over to his apartment as he laid out some refreshments and tried to soothe his growing nerves. She didn’t know why he wanted to meet with her but he was glad she agreed to come over without much questioning. Were his palms sweating? Oh, God, they were. Taking a deep breath, Zen knew he had to remain calm right now, this was not going to be an easy thing for them to talk about and as much as he may want to make the situation about himself, he had to fight that urge because this wasn’t about him, it was about (Y/N) and the grief of her past. He reminded himself that his feelings didn’t matter in the situation because (Y/N) was her own person and did not have to reciprocate the strong feelings Zen held for her; if she did not want him as he did her, he needed to accept that. It hurt, but he knew he’d have to accept that. The sudden knock on the door caused him to hold his breath as he cleared his throat and opened the door, seeing (Y/N) standing in the hallway and looking as beautiful as ever, with her godlike eyes and perfect (h/c) hair. She never failed to take his breath away. “(Y/N),” he greeted her with an anxious laugh, mentally kicking himself for being awkward, “Come in,” He smiled, trying to mask the inner turmoil he felt and the dread buried deep inside his stomach at the prospect of (Y/N) still loving her dead husband. (Y/N) smiled back and nodded, “Good afternoon, Zen.” Her voice was smooth and polite as her eyelashes fluttered with natural grace. God, he almost blurted out his love for her then and there.

Zen led her inside, gesturing to the sofa in his living room and helping hang her coat in the closet before going to sit beside her, swallowing his fear. Should he just get right to it? Or should he stall, start talking about something else instead and ease into the subject matter? Surely he couldn’t just start with ‘Hey, I know you’re a widow!’

“I-I’ll make us some tea - or coffee, uh…” Zen stood abruptly, running a hand through his long snowy locks and moving his rat-tail over his shoulder to ground himself from stress.   (Y/N) blinked in confusion and narrowed her eyes  - what was this about? When he asked her to come over she assumed it was simply because he wanted to meet up and just...chat, but now he was acting strangely and - oh….oh no. Her throat tightened as though it was swelling and she felt dizzy as her gaze followed Zen until he was out of the room. Was he going to...confess? She knew that Zen seemed to have feelings for her, she’d noticed it a while back but never tried to lead him on nor encourage it, hoping his crush would eventually cease to exist. She tried to remind herself that she was likely reading into this too much; perhaps Zen was nervous due to another reason and wasn’t about to proclaim his undying love for her as she feared he might. Instinctively, her hand touched a pendant around her neck, fiddling with it and stroking it as a subconscious attempt to ground herself in reality. Closing her eyes, she remembered the day she received this necklace - it’d been a gift from her husband. She didn’t want to break anyone’s heart but knew that she couldn’t accept anyone’s love right now. It’s not that she didn’t want to ever be in a relationship again - but more so that she just couldn’t. The pain of losing the love of her life broke her and the idea of loving anyone else felt filthy. She was married, and though her vows had been ‘till death do them part’, it felt like the act of utmost betrayal to even consider moving on.

Years had passed, but her feelings hadn’t changed. She loved her husband, loves her husband and always will, and getting involved with anyone wouldn’t be fair to that person, regardless of how much she may care for them; her husband was always going to have half her heart for himself, and no one could ever change that.

Zen returned, holding two cups of steaming coffee and placed them down on the table, sitting back down, clearing his throat. “(Y/N), there’s...there’s actually a reason I called you over,” he admitted, heart palpitating as (Y/N) was mentally and physically leaning on the edge of her seat, “Yes…?” She asked, panic building in her voice, “What is it…?” Zen inhaled and exhaled deeply, before his eyes locked with hers, “I know - uh….” He gulped, “I know you were married once.” At first, his gaze avoided (Y/N); too afraid to see her initial reaction, but his eyes were unable to look away from her for too long. She seemed absolutely baffled, gaping like a fish out of water. “S-Seven drank too much and-” He cringed at the words coming out, regretting throwing his friend under the bus like that, but at the moment he was growing quite frantic. (Y/N) didn’t speak for the first few moments, her head down as she tried to gather her thoughts. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell any of you about my marriage sooner-” “-You don’t have to be sorry!” Embarrassed by his exclamation, he corrected himself and steadied his voice, “I mean; it’s a personal matter. If anyone should apologise it’s me, I know I shouldn’t even be talking to you about this because it’s personal but I just felt it necessary for you to know that I know and-” He cursed himself for his inability to shut up.

Zen wasn’t like this usually, but this wasn’t a usual situation - still, he wished he could just shut his mouth before he dug himself into a deeper hole. “Hyon.” He felt her soft hands on his, comforting him. She looked up at him with glassy eyes and a sorrowful smile, “I-It’s okay. I...I just…” Everything felt overwhelming for them both. A single tear fell from her eye and flowed down her cheek and onto the floor below. Then another, and another until (Y/N) was a sobbing mess, desperately trying to force herself to stop crying as she frantically wiped away at the myriad of droplets escaping her. Not knowing what else to do, Zen pulled her into his arms and stroked her head in a soothing motion, cooing to the weeping woman. “I just miss him so much!” Hearing this pierced his heart with a spear, but he said nothing and continued to hold her and comfort her through this breakdown.

How long has she been bottling this in, without anyone to hold her?

Zen didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but it must’ve been at least an hour before the stormy waves calmed into a still ocean. (Y/N) felt emotionally, physically and mentally drained as she pulled away from him, wiping her eyes with her hands and shakily exhaling. “T-Thank you.” she weakly whispered, “I...needed that.” “Of course. I’m...I’m always here for you, okay?” Every word that left his mouth was genuine and honest - even though hearing her speak about her husband made him want to cry himself, he was going to be a good friend to her unconditionally. Especially since she’d been carrying this awful weight around in her soul for so long without anyone knowing. If he could help her to carry that weight by allowing her to rant and mourn, that’s what he was going to do, his feelings be damned.

She spent the rest of that afternoon talking, explaining and describing everything about her past marriage, having several small tearful moments in-between. Zen made sure to be attentive and listened to her to the best of his abilities, being what she needed most; a good friend. At least now he knew that there was no room in her heart for him, and it made him sick to know that he would never have a chance with her, but his own pettiness be damned; (Y/N) was a wonderful woman who deserved happiness and he was going to go to hell and back for her if he could secure it for her.

(Y/N) needed a friend more than she needed a lover, and as much as he desired her romantically, Zen wasn’t about to force himself into her life in a way that would only harm her. He knew he loved her, more than he ever loved anyone before; but she’d already found the love of her life, and though he died, he was irreplaceable. So he was going to keep his feelings a secret for her sake. He could take it.                                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jumin’s Pov “(Y/N), do come in,” Jumin called as he sat behind his desk, wolfish eyes observing her beauty as she entered, looking around curiously. “Hey Jumin” she responded, sitting down on the chair opposite him, crossing her legs with an air of elegance. 

She was so perfect. “What is it you wanted to talk about?” “First,” he spoke, handing her a glass of her favourite drink, “I want us to celebrate.” “Celebrate what?” she asked, a puzzled laugh leaving her lips before taking a small sip of her drink, “How’d you know this was my favourite?” Jumin smirked and pulled out a hefty folder, sliding it over to her. “I found out about your previous marriage during the party,” He casually explained, smiling without a trace of empathy for the situation, “So I decided to do some research of my own.” Any reminiscence of a smile faded as she gasped, “W-What?” He hummed in reply, urging her to look through it. “You see, (Y/N).” He clapped his hands and an intern rushed in with an abundant bouquet of (Y/N)’s favourite flowers, “I have romantic feelings for you.” In his eyes, the confession was perfect. He was surely being suave, was he not? He did practice this confession in his mind several times over, after all.

“Dare I say, I’m in love with you. You’ve enchanted me and I must tell you that you’re perfect for me. Elegant and graceful, immensely beautiful, gentle and confident…” He trailed off, cheeks blushing as his tone deepened, “I want to protect you, (Y/N).”

All the while, the (h/c) female was speechless. How could she respond to this? It was insane!

Jumin, however, took her lack of comprehension to be a sign of success and fortune. Clearly she was so amazed that his confession took her very breath away. “I can’t imagine what it’s like - being a widow, without someone to take care of you and keep you safe from the cruelty of the world,” He continued, and (Y/N) internally wished he would just shut up. “Be mine, (Y/N).” Though as he said it, she couldn’t help but feel as if it wasn’t a plea or confession, but a business proposition bordering a demand. Clearly, Jumin was used to getting what he wanted, and it seemed to be no different in this case. “Jumin-” she spoke up quietly, about to explain that she couldn’t accept but he cut her off, “-I know you’re likely overwhelmed,” He leaned forward, elbows supporting him on his desk and smiling at her with a smugness that didn’t suit him, “But you needn’t be worried. I can provide for you, I promise.” He took the file and opened it, glancing through it and showing her his ‘research’ with a sense of pride she couldn’t comprehend; how could he be so...nonchalant about practically stalking her? About investigating her personal, private past?

“Your marriage, I am aware, was a loving one.” (Y/N) sighed, knowing that she was going to have to let Jumin down easy if she could. “You had a good husband…” She was distraught knowing that he went to such great lengths to learn about her past but understood he didn’t know how to control his feelings for her in a healthy way and was willing to let this situation go after explaining it to him. He seemed to at the very least acknowledge the fact she had a fulfilling, happy marriage and loved her husband dearly.

“But I’m going to be better.”

Just as quickly as she was willing to let him down easy and forgive him for doing this, she suddenly felt enraged, clenching her fists under the table as she glared at him with disdain. He said it as if it was a fact; as though he was going to become her next husband for certain. “Excuse me?” Jumin’s smile felt cruel to her, “I know you loved your husband, (Y/N), and I know that you likely believe you’ll never find anyone better but look at me - “ he gestured to himself, and then around at the magnificent office, “I can give you everything you could ever want. Anything, you name it - you’ll get it.” He spoke with the full belief that he could compete with her husband, and in her eyes he was a true madman. “How dare you, Jumin Han?” Pausing, Jumin’s heart dropped in his chest, “What do you mean?” (Y/N)’s gaze made him feel panicked, for it was full of disgust, “Do you honestly believe that I need someone to ‘take care’ of me? To ‘provide’ for me?” She stood up, grabbing the file and holding it tightly to her chest. “This-” she hurriedly stated, “Is personal! Private! This was not something for you to find out for a little extracurricular project because you were bored and have a crush on me!” Oh, She felt as though she was going to be sick right here on the floor of Jumin’s office. “I loved my husband. I love him still, and I always - ALWAYS - will.” Jumin noticed that she was shaking, and stared at her bewildered, “You don’t get to come in here and try and replace him! You can’t do that!” Tears gathered in her eyes as she sniffled, “You don’t understand what it’s like for me. You just...you just decided investigating me would somehow make me fall right into your arms and forget about my husband entirely? God, Jumin! How clueless could you be?” “(Y-Y/N),” he stuttered out, not having expected her to react so negatively to what he had been certain would be a sure mutual love confession.

Wasn’t this what women wanted? Wealth? Security? Safety? Then why was (Y/N) so against this? What was so good about that dead husband of hers, anyway? “He’s dead.” Jumin’s inability to fathom her feelings was insulting to her, here he was trying to assert his beliefs onto her without a trace of empathy towards her or the situation. “He can’t love you anymore, (Y/N). You need to move on. I’m not asking you to love me immediately, just to give me a chance to prove to you I am the better man. Whatever you felt when you were with him, whatever he may have given you - I can do better. I will do better. I can buy you anything, you’ll want for nothing at all-” “Do you honestly believe me to be that vain? To want material things?” (Y/N) scoffed and turned around, ready to leave. “No, Jumin. I don’t love you and after...after this!” she gestured with a free hand to him, herself and the file, “I never could. You won’t ever replace him. No one can, and I don’t appreciate you acting as if you’re the ‘better man’. This is not a competition. And if it was a competition, my husband would win hands down. Goodbye, Mr Han.” With that, she walked out of his office, heels clicking as she stormed out. Jumin’s wide eyes glassed over with tears which he soon blinked away, pouring himself another glass of wine. Maybe Jaehee’s remarks about him becoming a future alcoholic were a little too based in reality. He called Jaehee. “Secretary Kang, please get me some more wine.” Fucking hell, he really messed things up.

                                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zen’s POV He couldn’t take it. Zen’s feelings for (Y/N) were tearing him apart, hiding them in the dark was killing him slowly and he could no longer cope with it. He thought he could, but the more he spent time with her, the more his emotions grew. It felt as though wild roses were growing in his lungs, preventing him from breathing. He had to confess before it killed him.

Knocking on the door, Zen waited outside in the hallway until (Y/N) let him into her home. She was still fuming over the situation with Jumin several days prior, but seeing Zen standing outside her door made her momentarily forget all about her frustrations regarding Jumin. “Hyun…” she smiled, “Come in.”

“(Y/N), I….” Zen sighed, shaking his head as he entered, a bouquet of small roses in hand as he handed them to her, “I need you to listen to me, t-this is important.” Since when was he so embarrassed and shy? The effect she had on him was profound. She took the flowers, admiring them as she felt a small beat of her heart, freezing for a moment after, staring at the crimson petals with a fondness she never realised was there before. Blushing, she put them in a vase, “Hyun, is everything okay? Thank you for the roses, though, they’re gorgeous.” Usually, he would’ve made a flirtatious remark about how they weren’t as gorgeous as her, or how she was a rose herself, but this time it was different. The entire situation was different. “I’m in love with you.” She gasped, dropping the vase as it shattered on the ground - Zen believed this to be the universe’s own foreshadowing as to what was about to happen to his heart. “H-Hear me out, please.” She had never heard him plead like this before. It was...strange - and yet, his humility in this situation felt endearing. (Y/N) felt immensely conflicted, heart beating faster than usual, but her devotion for her first husband remaining.

“I love you. You’re...so amazing and supportive and - just...just so…” He scarcely had trouble with the ladies, but (Y/N) wasn’t just anyone. He was in love with her, and this was as genuine as a confession could be; it was clearly straight from the heart. “I’ve...always admired you, but the more I got to know you the more I fell. And I know you’re always going to love your husband, and I don’t...I don’t expect anything from you.” He thickly swallowed, “You’ve gone through a traumatic situation, and...and I would never even begin to expect to replace the love you had for him. I just...I want you to be happy. I want to be here for you, to support you - to be your friend when you need me.” He looked down at the floor, “I just needed to tell you how I felt for my sake. I’m sorry, (Y/N), I...I really do just want you to be happy and I don’t want anything from you; I’m your friend before anything else and-” “Okay.” He paused, looking up at her with confusion, “Wha-” “-Okay. I...I accept your feelings. I’m glad you were honest with me, and I...I like you, Hyun. I really do.” She blushed, smiling at him as she grabbed his hand and held it tightly. “I want to give us a try. It’s...scary for me. I will always care for and love my first husband - nothing will ever change that. But...I’ve been widowed for years now and I suppose it’s time for me to try to move on with my life.”

“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You have been an amazing presence in my life and knowing that you put your heart on the line and still only wish for my happiness is proof that your feelings are sincere, so...I want to give you a chance. I-It’s not going to be easy,” “I’m not expecting it to be. But...I….If you really want to try with me, I promise to be patient. We’ll...move slowly. I’ll never pressure you into anything, I swear.” (Y/N) smiled an honest smile for the first time in a long time, wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace. “We...we’ll have to take things slow. It’s going to take time for me to get used to this, but...you’ve been nothing but great to me from the start and I really want to try.”

(Y/N) pulled away and stroked his cheek, then pecked it, before taking a deep breath. “How about you take me out on a date?”

                                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed reading ❤ Please consider commissioning or supporting me, but don’t worry if you can’t; you can support me through sharing and reblogging my work, commenting, giving feedback and sharing your thoughts on my work to keep me motivated!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read through this. and a special thank you to @lynettethemadscientist for commissioning me with this beauty, it was tremendously fun to write and I enjoyed it very much! 

“Hey, space captain.” You snapped your gaze to the drink that was placed into your empty hand, and trailed your eyes up to the red head grinning down at you. You hated that his smile never reached his eyes. 

“Hey.” You softly called back. You patted the seat next to you for Seven to sit down; he happily obliged. 

“What’s on your mind?” You couldn’t help the way your eyes trailed up to the man just across the room. Those onyx eyes bolted to yours, like he knew you were looking at him, and your heart crawled into your throat. You took your gaze away quickly, almost ashamed to be in love with man who was with another woman. 

“Nothing.” You squeaked.

“Oh ho ho.” Seven’s grin drifted into your line of sight, that mischievous glint in his amber gaze making you a little anxious. “Lover’s quarrel?” Giddiness broke out in a grin on your own lips, and you lashed out to smack his arm playfully with a loud giggle. Before realization dawned on you; you aren’t lovers. 

“No…” You cleared your throat, “Nope. Nothings wrong.” You were back peddling quickly, trying to get away from that conversation. The red head next to you placed his hand to your hair and ruffled it quickly; you couldn’t get mad, you didn’t have your hair in an updo with any pretty pearls or anything. You just combed your hair and left… You didn’t have the energy to do anything else. Not that it would’ve mattered, you looked nothing like that woman from last night.

“Ah. I see.” The air was thick between the two of you. You were still trying to lick your wounds like a hurt puppy, and Seven was definitely trying to scheme a way to put that spark back into your eye. 

“Hey… I think I’m gonna turn in for tonight. I’ve got a lot of homework to finish up.”

“So soon? It’s not too often that we all get together like this, ya know?” Seven’s voice was unusually soft. You shot him an unsure smile. You knew you didn’t get the chance to see everyone like that often, but you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You’ve caught his eye so many times throughout the night, and each time you thought you were going to collapse from a heart attack. You nodded again, ignoring that your head was starting to spin because of the alcohol. You sat your drink down lightly.

“Yeah… I think it’s time I turn in.” You concluded. Standing, you tried to hide how unbalanced you were; you weren’t too drunk but… maybe you should’ve been a little more sober while walking home alone. When you met Jumin’s gaze, however, you just knew it didn’t matter. You didn’t even want to talk to him. You were pulling away from the man you loved in every way possible. “Night Seven.”

“Do you want me to walk you back?”

“No it’s okay… I’m close to here so it shouldn’t be too awful.”

You should’ve really taken Seven up on his offer now that you think about it. Now that your in the empty streets, alone, and slightly drunk, you’re realizing a lot of things you shouldn’t have done. You shouldn’t have been so damn emotional about something that’s none of your damn business. Since last night you’ve been plagued with regrets, and right now, letting your emotions get the best of you is the biggest one. Because you know you’re being followed, and the only thing you can think of doing is call Jumin. But before he answers, there’s a hand on your wrist, yanking your phone away from you.

“Please stop.” You breathlessly whine as you try and take your hand from the harsh grip on your wrist. You aren’t too drunk to understand what the men mean when they laugh about taking you home. But your world is swaying and it’s getting harder for you to try and keep them away from you. You stumble back against the chest of one of the men, and his arm reaches around you and latches onto your breast. Terror squeezes your breath from you and you stare widely down at that hand. Your arms and legs are going numb. A whimper comes from you as you begin to feel entirely powerless, like a wounded dough being circled by vultures. 

A hand pushes your eyes up to stare into brown eyes, his mouth trembling just above your own. No. You don’t want anyone but Jumin to kiss you. 

“Don’t.” You wheeze, trying to get yourself loose from his grip on your jaw. “Stop.” You demand. 

“You know what they say boys…” One shouts with a crooked grin, “When a woman says no, she actually means yes.” You gasp loudly when he slams his lips atop yours, and pries his tongue into your mouth. You want to vomit. You don’t think much about anything except getting that leech off of you, so you kick him as hard as you can in the shin. When he stumbles away with a loud yell, you throw your head back, hitting the other one in the mouth. 

You make a run for it, a drunken, stupid run for it. You don’t register the pain of being pulled back by your hair, until you’re staring into the raging eyes of one of the men; his breath comes through a clenched jaw.

“You’re really going to regret that.” A tear runs down your cheek, and for some reason you’re begging Jumin to follow you. Just for once, you wish he’d do a little more than call. You feel the sting and ache on your jaw before you realize that you were punched and on the ground. How many men is there? You only remember three at first, but now theres… Seven? No… You’re seeing stars as your struggling against the sleeze crawling on top of you.

“Stop.” You weakly cry. And just like that, his weight is gone from on top of you. A hand yanks you up, “Stop, stop, stop, stop!” You cry against their grip.

“MC! MC, it’s me!” You know that voice. You turn your eyes up to those onyx eyes that you know so well.

“Jumin.” You whine, your mouth contorting into a loud sob. You’re glued to his chest in seconds, refusing to let go, and it almost feels like he doesn’t want to let you go either. His arms are tightly looped around you, pulling you closer - like you couldn’t get close enough - and reminding you that you’ll be just fine. You relax a little, inhaling his cologne; his embrace feels so safe. 

So why does her red hair flick into your vision? Why do you remember that not even twenty four hours ago this man was holding another woman like this? Why do you remember this now? And why is it enough to have you pulling away from him slowly, your eyes dulled and lips pulled down in a frown. The pinch in your cheek and mouth was easy to ignore compared to the burning in your stomach. 

“I want… to go shower.” You whisper to him. You feel disgusting. Inside and out. Outside you’ve been violated by a stranger, inside you’ve been violated by the man closet to your heart. You think you want to burn it all off with a hot shower.

“MC, you shouldn’t be alone.” Jumin gently advises. You shake your head; he’s right. He’s so right it pisses you off. You cast your gaze up to his slack features and nod curtly.

“Then you’ll stay with me?” You watch his mouth part slightly and a red hue takes place on his cheeks. No… Because he has another woman waiting for him… A bitter smile washes over your lips and before you can think about it, your resentment pours from your lips, “That woman… You’re going to meet her again tonight?” He raises his brow and tilts his head.

“I have no such plans.” He nods and places his hand to your lower back. “I will stay with you.”

“We’ll take care of these three, you make sure MC is safe.” Seven calls as he waves you both off. Zen stops his raging around the men to give you a thumbs up and a grin with bloodied knuckles. V, his hands clenched onto the shoulders of the men so tightly his knuckles are white, smiles at you gently.

“Yeah, you rest easy! And drink some water, too.” Yoosung chimes with tears on his cheeks; he’s ever the emotional drinker. Jumin pushes you toward your apartment building and into your own quickly and without a word. He stops just inside the door, looking at the small room, all the pictures of the RFA displayed around.

You stop next to him and stare hardly at your wood floors. 

“MC, are you troubled by the event that transpired last night?” Your tongue gets knotted as you look widely up at him. In shame you look down to your tangling hands. 

“No.” It’s a whisper, a cracking whisper.

“You’ve been distant with me, MC. I wish you would tell me what’s troubling you.” 

“Nothings troubling me.”

“Why are you crying, then?” 

“I’m really shaken.”

“Then why haven’t you spoken to me all day?”

“Because-” you’re jealous. Because you really are troubled by what happened last night. 

“MC,” His hand grazes your cheek gently, and he puts himself in front of you, “What is wrong?” You selfishly indulge in how wonderful his touch his, how gentle; he was like this with that woman last night.

“You were gentle with her like this too? Right?” You clench your jaw, unable to help seeing them together. You put your eyes back down, looking at the scuff mark on Jumin’s expensive shoes; it’s probably from kicking that man off of you. “You know, I’ll be okay alone tonight. I’ve sobered up a lot and I just want to -”

“I was unaware that you… Would be hurt by my being with someone.” You shut your eyes at his words… Like he’s confirming it. “Had I known I would not have brought her home.” No. In reality, you have nothing to do with it. You just need some time.

“I just need some time… To process everything and understand my… My feelings.” You mumble up to him.

“Why do you always shut me out?” He huffs down to you. “When we met, you encouraged me to express myself, to understand and embrace my emotions. Why do you always back away from me when it becomes too much MC?” His breaths are becoming heavier, his eyes even more irritated. “Is it because I am too much to handle? Am I not trustworthy to hear your worries? Am I not enough for you?”

“What? No, that’s-”

“Then what is it? MC?” Your calm and collected Jumin is gone, all his logic has flown out the window. Right now, you’re wondering who’s been wrecked with more emotion. “You call Yoosung over every little thing. You tell him good morning, and cry to him, and express everything to him that you cannot to me. What does he have that I do not?” You stare widely up at him, tears freely coursing down your cheeks.

“Why are you turning this back on me?” You lightly whisper. “Why are you acting like I’m the one who brought a stranger home, reeking with their cologne and letting them shove their tongue down my throat? I’m not the one who did that! You did, Jumin! You brought some woman home and had the audacity to act like you cared when you saw that it hurt me!” At this point, your sobbing and pressing your finger to his chest, like it was going to dig down into his heart and hurt him as much as he hurt you. 

“And I have only ever been true to you. I have only ever been open and honest to you. I’ve only ever seen you Jumin! How dare you try and pin this on me!”

“You don’t understand what I’m saying, MC.”

“No, I don’t Jumin. I don’t understand what you’re trying to say at all. What could you possibly be trying to t-”

“I’m jealous, dammit! I’m jealous that you always go to Yoosung. I’m jealous that you let him touch you so freely, that you spend so much time with him, that you laugh with him; I hate that he is so much closer to you than I am.” You clench your jaw. Your heart softens only a little for him, but you can’t forget that he was with another woman just last night. 

“Imagine if you knew I had sex with him.” Jumin’s eyes light dangerously and he flicks them to yours.

“What do you mean to say, MC?” His voice was low, but you could see how scared he is of your answer.

“If you knew that Yoosung knew me so intimately, you’d feel just as terrible as I do right now. Because I know you had sex with that woman. I know that she knows you in ways I never will.” You both stare at each other in silence. One sobbing uncontrollably, and the other refusing to let the tears spill over. You cover your eyes with trembling hands, ignoring that Jumin falls to his knees and takes your free hand into his own.

“How…” Your weak voice shatters, your quaking hands running to cover your quivering, chapped and chewed up lips. Inhaling a deep breath - the air feeling so much harder to pull in through your swollen throat - you continue to question the red eyes of the man on his knees in front of you, “Did we end up like this, Jumin?” 

All your memories are bright with him. Only twenty four hours ago you were head over heels for him, you couldn’t get enough of him. He put you on cloud nine, made you forget all of your woes… But now, he’s hurt you so much and it wasn’t even deliberate. It terrifies you thinking about just how terrible it would be if Jumin went out of his way to hurt you.

“MC… I want… That dinner, I had too much to drink. That woman was feeding into my every desire, physical touch, excitement… The desires I have long had buried. She was only half as beautiful as you, and everything I did was consumed by thoughts of you.”

“Jumin…” You don’t want to hear a play by play of his night with her… You don’t want to hear anything.

“Please, I’d like to say this. When you saw me with her, I was - I am - filled with such a sense of dread, of shame, that I just simply couldn’t continue. Once I ensured that you were okay and safe at your apartment, I sent that woman home.” His pushes his eyes back up to your own, “I did not have any relation with that woman, MC.” 

What?

“With that being clarified, I want to say that I am completely, hopelessly in love with you. There is no other woman I could possibly be with, and I understand that very well now.” He presses his lips to your knuckles and continues, “Please don’t pull any further away from me, MC.”

Wh… what?

“So… Wait…” Suddenly, you can’t hug him fast enough. “I love you too.” You bury your face into his shoulder and quickly, frantically say, “That’s why I went to see you last night… Because I wanted to confess to you and-” You sound terrible when you talk and cry but you don’t think Jumin cares. He simply pulls you closer to him, and smiles widely.