He is laying on the bed, head perched on the pillow as he reads something on his phone. It’s not the most comfortable position and you can see how his skin forms him a second chin. He looks up panicked.

“But you weren’t saying anything?” he accuses, and you shake your head climbing on the bed. You love how he doesn’t even hesitate, immediately putting his phone away, and throws his arms to the sides to welcome you, not caring from which side you might want to come. A thrill goes down your spine because Jongdae laying compliant on the bed… You answer with equal lack of hesitation as you cuddle into his side, one hand splaying on his chest. You can feel the faint heartbeat under your fingers.

“I meant something different,” you say, suddenly feeling self-conscious, allowing your hand to slide up and fiddle with Jongdae’s collar. When you look up he is staring at you with the left eyebrow slightly raised. It doesn’t help so you look down back again, focusing on your hand under his neck.

“And that was?” prompts Jongdae, his own hand sliding down your back. You yelp when he kneads your butt. Well, you came to him with this in mind, but not exactly this way. So you reach back to grab his wrist and pull it away. You expect the whine before it comes and you take it as your cue, hoisting yourself up and sitting on his hips. As always, Jongdae adapts immediately, hands coming to rest on your thighs as he eyes you appreciatively.

Once again your grab his hands and push them into the mattress above his head. You can see a spark of interest when you do that in Jongdae’s eyes – and that’s exactly what you were wishing for.

“I was wondering if you’d like to spice things up?”

“Always,” he says, once again without hesitation. He also immediately surges up to kiss you and you have to move back, so he can’t.

“Not like that,” you say quickly and Jongdae falls back. He looks up at his hands still in your hold and then he very slowly looks down. “I would like to be in control.”

There, you said it. It was harder to do than you thought it would, but waiting for Jongdae to react is even worse.

“You’d like to be in control,” he repeats slowly and although it’s not a denial yet, you can feel anxiety seeping into your system.

“Yes,” you say worrying your lower lip with your teeth. Is he going to think that you are weird? Is it weird though?

“Ok, sure,” he says, and your heart does a leap in your chest. You bend down to kiss him, trying to calm your excitement. It’s a short kiss because you have a full scenario in your head and you know exactly what you want, but you really wanted to express your gratitude. Jongdae is laughing softly at you. “I guess, it’s going to be good if you are so eager? How should we do it?”

“Oh,” you exhale softly, letting his hands go and sliding down to the bed. You sit cross-legged and he sits up as well. “Well, we need ground rules and a safe word.”

“Safe word?” he repeats, eyebrows raising high. “Are you planning to hurt me?”

“No!” you exclaim with passion. You shake your head for a good measure. “It’s a safety net, one you can use whenever you feel like you need it.”

“But doesn’t it imply you are planning on making me need it?” he says, clearly not stoked with possibility. You can feel yourself growing hot because that’s not it. You feel ridiculed and your excitement diminishes nearly entirely. You don’t want to do it if he might think that you are going to hurt him.

“Ok, no, Jongdae, I am sorry, let’s drop this,” you start backing out because it won’t be fun if one of you is not really into that. The last thing you want is Jongdae feeling uncomfortable. He grabs your hands.

“No, we are not dropping this,” he says with an annoyed huff. “Why so defensive already? Make me understand and not just back out, will you?”

Gosh, you always loved his ferocity and those furrowed eyebrows calm you down. You squeeze his hand in non-verbal thanks and exhale.

“What I can and what I can’t do will be decided during ground rules setting. And I won’t go out of the rules we set, because the most important thing here is trust. But safe word gives you a sure way to stop whatever is happening if you feel like it’s too much for you to take.”

“Ok. So that is my secret password back to the normal world?” you huff out a soft laughter but you nod. Jongdae looks to the side. “Could it be my scream?”

You blink. It’s clear he is teasing you, but you are already imagining his signature pterodactyl scream. That would be mortifying in bed, but it would surely give you a sign to stop.

“I mean, if you are sure you are not going to do this by accident, I don’t see why not…”

“I’m joking. Let’s go with “chicken tenders”.”

“Please tell me, it’s not because you crave chicken tenders?” you ask and his lazy smile tells you everything. “Well, if you are sure then ok, as soon as you say “chicken tenders” I stop everything I’m doing.”

“And what are you going to do?”

“That’s what we have to agree on.”

He nods and tips his head to the side, allowing hair to fall on his forehead and into his eye. You can’t help it and immediately you brush it off. His skin is soft, his hair is equally soft and this usual gesture for you is somehow more intimate. Or maybe it’s just you who feels that way.

“Plead your case,” prompts Jongdae and you can’t help a little pout because that doesn’t sound sexy. And he sees that because he continues: “I mean, it was your idea and I want to know what you want to do to me?”

You love how casual he is about this whole thing and how he is not at all threatened by the idea of shedding control. And you know it’s because he is comfortable enough with his manhood not to have such stupid doubts.

“I want you to listen to me,” you say as a start, not knowing how to continue, but somehow words keep pouring out, “I want to take care of you. I want to be the one to decide when and how you come.”

You are hot behind your collar because even talking about it arouses you. Jongdae is looking at you intently and he grunts looking down as if disturbed. You suddenly notice how red his ears are getting.

Cute.

“Damn, well, you’ve got my attention.”

“I also would like to maybe keep your hands out of the way,” you say as you pin his hand that was wandering up your leg to your thigh. When you look up to stare at him, Jongdae’s nostrils are flaring.

“Will you get off on that?” he asks. “Bondage and taking care of me?”

A thrill goes down your spine. Yes, yes, yes. You just nod, feeling earnest and Jongdae exhales loudly – you allow yourself to believe that he might like the idea.

“Ok, let’s do this,” he says and the taste of victory is sweet. “What should I do?”

“Um, can you take off your shirt?” You ask, standing up and walking over to your wardrobe. It’s happening! You feel inebriated already and so excited. And as you browse your drawers looking for a specific shawl, you can hear the soft sounds of Jongdae taking off his shirt.

“Only shirt?” he asks and you nod. A shirt will be in a way when you bind his wrists and pants you want to take off yourself. When you turn around he is sitting at the edge of the bed, comfortable in his own skin. His shirt is on the floor but you are not going to say anything about that. Not when you are about to get what you want.

You get on the bed and motion for him to slide up and lay down which he does without a pause. You ask him to raise his arms above his head and when he does, you bring them together and circle them with the shawl. Three layers of loops and then you push loose end of shawl between his hands circling the shawl itself to make makeshift handcuffs. Fabrics are soft and it won’t cut his blood away, but it will keep his hands together. You initially wanted to use the rest of the shawl to bind him to the bedpost, but there are not enough fabrics so you decide on making a bow on his wrists. You can make this cute, right?

“Babe?” you prompt observing how he tests out his bonds. He glances at you immediately. “What was your safe word?”

“Chicken tenders,” he answers quickly and you smile, brushing the hair off his face.

“Great,” you muse because that is immensely important. “And now I need you to keep your hands above your head, can you do that for me?”

Ok, so maybe you are modulating your voice. Maybe you are intentionally dropping resonation from your neck to your chest and stomach to make the voice sound deeper. He was the one to teach you that technique – it was mostly used for singing, but it doesn’t mean you can’t use it for fun. Jongdae’s jaw becomes loose as his tongue wets his lips.

“Yeah,” he says and clears his throat. One day you might teach him to be more polite – but you know that he must like it first before you can even think about the future. And you are going to do everything in your power to make him love it.

Because you have him where you wanted. He is spread out on your shared bed, hands bound together by your colourful shawl. His fingers are interlacing and he looks relaxed as he waits for you. Your eyes follow the lines of his arms, impeccable triceps on display. You look lower, ignoring his curious eyes that are focused on your face, to take in his chest, now pristine, moving with his calm breath. His penis is already noticeable in his pants and it tells you that he might be already enjoying himself. But your job is to make sure that he is.

You bend down to kiss his wrist, just below the shawl, enjoying the net of soft veins under his skin and unmistakable line of the tendon. You are soft because you choose to be soft and Jongdae lays compliantly as you pepper kisses down his arm. It might be the first time you are paying so much attention to his arm, usually lost in the fervour of your intercourse. And it’s actually nice to feel the smooth skin against your lips, it’s also nice to reacquaint yourself with a mole on his biceps.

You are slow, allowing yourself to taste his skin and to slowly get high on his smell. Jongdae always smells like home and peace, and it prompts you to place a quick, somehow skittish peck on his cheek. He rolls his head to the side to look at you, not trying to move otherwise, and smiles nose wrinkling. It tells you that he is good, and you mirror what you did on his other arm, making sure to pay special attention to the moles on his wrist and under his elbow. That gets you a first louder sound – a long and content exhale.

It wasn’t the plan to kiss every mole in your wake, but somehow it came down to that. You grab his head in your hands so you can turn it to the sides to kiss every single one of his sixteen moles (plus two on the side of his neck). He scrunches his face with every kiss and you are simply loving it.

But as soon as your lips reach his neck, you are no longer that soft, biting down and you are rewarded with a surprised gasp. Your teeth come more into play now that you are worshipping his chest. You want it covered in your marks. Hickeys, teeth marks, you love both types and you are very thorough in your work.

You take a break, however, when you reach his nipples. Male nipples are usually so neglected and you are about to change that. The first swipe of your tongue on his already hardened nipple doesn’t get you a reaction you expected, but you are not going to get discouraged. You suck it into your mouth, which is rewarded with another surprised gasp. Sounds like that keep you going. As your lips focus on his nipples, your fingers travel down, putting pressure on his abdomen and you enjoy how he pushes against your hands with every breath he takes. His breathing is not laboured yet, but it’s already heavier then it was. You know his cock is already harder as well.

You pop the button of his pants and he raises his hips. You immediately place a calming hand on his lower abdomen glancing up at him. Jongdae wets his lips but obediently brings his hips back on the mattress. Such a good boy, you didn’t even have to say it. But you stare at his face for another second, making sure that he can’t avert his gaze because you want him to understand that he is not to move on his own. You’ll say it out loud would it be needed, but you know Jongdae is a smart boy and he will understand.

When you are sure that he understood the message you allow yourself to look away, down, to his chest, now covered in red patches. His nipples are glistening with your saliva and you can’t help yourself and you softly flick one of them. Jongdae inhales loudly.

You focus back on his pants, suddenly overridden with the need to take them off. And you do so in haste, throwing his pants and underwear on the floor. You start with finding one of your favourite moles, high on his thigh. You kiss it, looking up. His flushed cock is in your field of vision, but in the second plan, you can see his chest moving and Jongdae looking down at you with a heated stare.

Oh, you know what he wants. He wants your lips around his dick, he wants it hitting the back of your throat – and you would do that. You can do it pretty well, but… Not today.  Today is about his pleasure, but in a way you want to give him. You scrape his thigh with our teeth in a soft reprimand and Jongdae’s head falls back and he huffs.

You kiss your way up his thigh to his hip, seemingly oblivious to Jongdae’s erection bobbing just next to your head. You can feel his arousal in the air, his smell heavy, but also in the way his thighs are tensed. You move up to kiss the skin just under his navel, and there it is: the first whine of the night. You smile against his skin.

“You are doing great, honey,” you say absentmindedly, your lips brushing his abdomen and his body shakes with inhale. When you look up, surprised with his reaction he is looking down at you, stare heated and you realize that he is this close to breaking the immersion. “You’ve done such a great job until now, you wouldn’t want to fail, would you now?”

You keep your voice soft, guiding him back to you, as you reach out to smoothen the bow on his wrists. Now you see that he was testing the bonds, consciously or not, and you know that he was this close to just sitting up and rolling you both to speed this up. You know that because you know him, and as much as you’d enjoy it, you have no plan allowing that to happen. You are aroused and your skin is tingling because Jongdae is at your mercy. The fact that you decide to make him feel good it’s only a part of that. You like him docile and in your power, just as much as you like when he fucks you raw.

His arms flex and you emit quiet cooing hum and Jongdae’s eyes snap to your face. You know he consciously decided to relax, to let you have your way, to submit to what you want and now, if that isn’t reward worthy. But the knowledge that he was about to snap after he was praised? You are going to store that for later.

You lay next to him, your head on his shoulder – in case he was tempted to move his arms, and you slide your hand down his torso. There is a clear purpose in your movement and you can feel that Jongdae holds his breath because nothing is moving the hair on top of your head – and yes, your hand encircles his cock. You’ve always found it adorable how it curls slightly to the left. You don’t check but you are quite sure you are both looking down when you slowly raise your hand, skin smooth but hot is your fingers. You circle them around the head and shaky exhale hits your head.

You are jerking him off unhurriedly, giving yourself time to enjoy the veins, the head. You can tell that Jongdae is mainly focusing on his breathing, but you don’t mind how quiet he is because that will change.

It goes on long enough for your hand to become tired but you are no quitter – and low moan graces your ears. It reverberates in his chest, under his marked skin and you can help but place a kiss just above his heart.

“You are doing great, babe,” you repeat yourself, and there you go: his hips buck. You let go of his cock, sitting up. When you look at his face, his eyes are intent but there is a certain desperation in his pupils. He knows he did wrong and he still expects you to be benevolent. And you will, but because you want to be. Because you are feeling soft.

You don’t voice your warning. It’s not like you have to.

When your hand finds his cock again (the other one this time) a soft thank you falls down from his lips and you nearly miss it. A thrill like never before goes down your spine, electrifying your insides. You are not sure if that was conscious or not – but you loved it.

This time you jerk him off fast, impatient, wanting to move to the other part of your plan. The moment his soft few and far between moans turn into the first groan you know it’s a matter of time, so you pump him a few times more and then your hand stills at the base, fingers forming a tight but safe circle around his cock.

His whole body seizes and he whines loudly but you can see his thighs tensing to keep him still and you appreciate that. He has submitted to you even if his body is fighting.

“I can feel you are close, aren’t you, honey?” you ask moving so you can nose his cheek. From up close you can still how his lips are red and puffy, dry on the edges, with clear marks of his teeth on the lower lip – so abused and you haven’t even kissed him.

“Yeah,” he says. His voice is hoarse and his neck is flushed and there is sweat on his forehead and he looks good. Delicious. “ I– yeah.”

“You what, honey?” you prompt, softly, as if you weren’t holding his whole world in your hand (and also a key to his happiness). “You were about to say something, hm? I think I would love to hear it.”

“I am so close,” he whispers and there is something refreshing how unabashed he is. He owns to his situation and his openness raises little hairs on your back. You love him so fucking much. “Please,” he pleads, “please, would you let me… Come?”

And you hate him because he is good. He is pushing your buttons, sweaty face, pleading eyes and begging, it’s not like you can say no. Not without serious effort on your part. You finally kiss him, licking deep into his mouth, because you just can’t help yourself as you go back to jerking him off.

He must have been very close because it takes you less than a minute and he is coming. Into your hand, on his abdomen, thighs. He comes with awfully loud, satisfied groan and he snuggles his face into your cheek as he does it. It’s a highly intimate moment and this whole thing was worth it even for that one moment.

His chest is heaving when you sit up straight, crossing your legs. You reach for tissues to clean your hand as he comes down from his high.

After a minute or so he laughs and you look up.

“That certainly was fun,” he muses and he raises his arms off the mattress. You were expecting this, so you grab the bow and push them back down.

“Did I said you could move, honey?” you ask, keeping your voice sweet. The way Jongdae glances at you tells you everything. That he expected this to be the end, that he loves you like this and that he is very much interested in seeing what is going to happen now. He is staring at you intently, but you do not engage. You busy yourself with checking the bonds, and massaging his arms – you don’t want cramps to ruin your fun. This gives him time to rest and to feel how his own come starts to cool and dry on his skin.

Jongdae is a young and healthy man so you have no doubt that he will be easily able to go for another round, and that was a plan from the beginning.

The second time around you don’t beat around the bush, going straight to business. He inhales sharply when you take his cock into your hand once more. Well, it was not your intention to give him enough time to rest. You want him to be on the edge, overloaded with pleasure.

“No, please,” he moans quietly and it nearly makes you stop. Has he forgotten his safe word? Should you ask it? You really don’t want to break the immersion, but if he is really pleading… But then a second ago he was down for it? Is he playing his part? You feel on the edge, realizing that you need to tread carefully, so you focus on his face when you pump him slowly. It’s scrunched and you don’t know how much from it is pain – but more importantly, you notice the shawl bow over his head. Right – he can move his arms forward if he needs to. Which means you are in the green. He is not looking at you so you bend down and suck still soft head into your mouth. He bucks under you. “Oh, god, please.”

“You shouldn’t be calling for god, Jongdae,” you scold playfully and his head rolls to the side as he peers down at you. You suck his dick into your mouth again – you wanted him to look at you as you do that.

Now he is vocal, his moans wet and somehow mewling. It sets your nerves ablaze. Feeling how his dick is filling once again in your mouth is also amazing. Somewhere between sucking him to full hardness and teasing him until you decide it’s enough his thighs start to shake and you know he would do many, many sinful things to you if he had a chance. And he’d love to start with thrusting into your mouth. But he is a good boy, even though looking like debauchery impersonated.

He whines, loud and pleading when you let go of his cock. But you don’t heed his needs, not at this exact moment. You slide off the bed and messy alarmed head raises from the mattress.

“I will back with you in a second,” you calm him down, patting his hairy shin. “Use this time to rest.”

You are going to be laughing at that line later.

Standing, you take off your pants and underwear. You try not to hurry, but you are in haste. In a split of a second, you decide to take off your bra, but not your cotton white shirt – Jongdae is not going to be able to touch you and your hardened nipples straining white fabrics might be an even better stimulus than just your naked torso.

“Jongdae?” you call out, to get his attention because you have a very important piece of information to share. You grab his dick for a good measure, thumb rubbing the sensitive head dark with blood trapped in his cock. Your thumb comes off with precome and you are tempted to lick it off. Jongdae is looking at you, eyes red-rimmed, so you do. His moan is quite pained, but his eyes are appreciative when they slide down your naked legs. “I need you not to come, honey.”

He says groans something but you are not sure if it was supposed to be words or just gibberish.

“I am going to ride you, honey, and I really want to you to hold back,” you repeat and you know he is loving the idea of you riding him. Always liked that. Less work, the same pleasure. “You’ve already come once, and it would be unfair for you to do so before I do. Not polite, if you would. So, if you feel like you can’t hold, you need to tell me immediately so I can help you. Jongdae? Did you hear me?”

“Y– yeah,” he says and you can hear that his throat is constricted. If you aren’t mistaken he is loving the way you talk to him.

“Did you understand me? I really, really, don’t want you coming until I say so.”

“Yes, I do. I do.” You smile, because he answers you properly, even if his stare is heated. You kneel above his legs and you shuffle until you are exactly when you want to be.

You sink down, keeping his dick straight. Your body has long been ready and you thoroughly enjoy snapping your hips right up and seeing how his fingers sink into the pillow. Till this moment you’ve been looking down, and now you will be able to look at his torso, face and arms as you ride him.

You are definitely having fun. That much is obvious. You are working your hips in tight circles clenching your pelvic floor muscles as often as you can, sweat breaking out on your body. Your shirt is already clinging to your skin and you know you look good. You know that and Jongdae’s eyes tell you just as much. You can see how he fists his hands into the pillow and you know it’s in an effort not to move his hands to you. Good. Good, obedient boy.

Except – he thrusts up. It’s a good, reverse crutch, and it kicks a moan out of your throat because it’s a good, pointed thrust – but it’s a forbidden thrust.

You sit down, pushing your feet under his legs. Your weight is down to keep him down as you look at him with raised eyebrows.

“Jongdae, honey,” you say with a voice oozing with disappointment, “you were doing great! What was that?”

Jongdae wets his lips. He looks both desperate and aroused out of his mind as if he wasn’t sure what he wants more – to come or to allow you to keep up this act. Thankfully for him, you are in charge and he is going to experience both. Eventually.

“What was that?” you repeat pointedly. He whimpers, chest heaving. Sweat is pooling in his solar plexus and you idly want to bend down and lick it off, but you can’t. Not until you discipline your good boy.

“I– I am sorry,” he says instead. You can accept it as an answer. You will accept it as an answer.

“I know you are, honey,” you say softly, caressing his cheek. You are acting as if you weren’t dizzy with your own arousal. The power this act holds over you is immense. He leans into your touch and you find it to be one of the most gratifying things you experienced. “But being sorry is not always enough. Pull your legs up.”

He does, more curious than wary, but you need his legs as a backrest – nothing more. You just want to be comfortable, because you are not going to be moving.

“You said you were sorry but it doesn’t mean you learned what you did wrong. But I know you are sorry – so I will be nice, and I will just show you by example what it means not to move.”

It takes a second for the implications of this statement to reach his clouded mind and he bites his lip. His eyes are pleading but you just smile. You want to come so much it starts to hurt. You can feel him hot and hard inside you, pressing into your front wall – but you are not going to be moving up and down.

But you do have different tools at your disposal.

His groan is loud and heartfelt when you cramp your pelvic floor muscles. It’s not an easy thing to do and you can’t hold it longer than a few seconds – but it’s very rewarding.

After few of those muscle exercises, his head is trashing on the bed and his thighs are shaking again. But he is keeping still, which is the most important thing.

And seeing him so vulnerable and still fighting to please you? Superb.

You are getting off on this image. Jongdae’s abdomen covered in his sperm quivering with an effort to stay still, skin flushed and glistening from sweat, upper chest covered in red marks, abused lips, hair matted to his forehead, arms shaking and red-rimmed eyes never leaving your face. There is fervour in those eyes and it gives you such a thrill. That is the image of Jongdae you are never going to forget. You will never want to forget.

You bring your hand against your clitoris rather unconsciously but a jolt of pleasure makes you squeeze your legs on his sides and moan. Jongdae echoes your moan and you decide you like it. You like the idea of teasing yourself to completion all while sitting on Jongdae’s cock.

So you do, rubbing your clitoris with no finesse really because that’s not a thing you need or want right now. And it’s good. Jongdae set an example a long time ago, and you are not shy with how vocal you get. You know that he enjoys your moans just as much as you enjoy his. And he moans as well, harmonizing with you, every time you cramp around him. You don’t control your muscles anymore and as you are nearing your orgasm, those cramps are getting way more frequent.

“I– I am…” suddenly utters Jongdae and you act before you can think, hand reaching lower between your legs to form a ring around his cock. He whines, but the sound is involuntary as he looks nearly relieved. Such a good boy. You are so soft for him, he managed to inform you in time!

You don’t move letting him calm himself down. You know your fingers are helping but in the end, it depends on him. But he still deserves a reward for remembering and being able to warn you.

“Jongdae, would you like to help me?” You ask and you know that if Jongdae was a dog he would perk his ears. He is not, but his interest is equally palpable. You have to smile. “I will need your hands down here.”

He looks at you surprised as if not sure if he heard correctly.

“Just bring them both down here, we don’t have to take off the shawl. But do it slowly, we don’t want your arms cramping.”

If you can judge by the pained expression he does get a cramp in his arm. You use your free hand to rub them, wanting to ease the pain. You enjoyed how his arms looked above his head more, but having them down here is not bad either.

Jongdae looks like Christmas came early when you grab one of his thumbs and bring it to your clitoris, his whole face lits up. He is merciless and that’s Jongdae you’ve come to know so well. You should have known when you thought up this idea but it is still according to your plan. You were supposed to come before he does – you just didn’t know that you will do so, so quickly.

Because you can already feel yourself tethering on the edge. Your thighs are shaking where they are pressed against his hips and your toes are curling into his legs but you never let go of his cock. Not when you are cramping, not when you are shaking, not when you are falling to the side to escape Jongdae’s hand. He was too rough, he was too eager, he was too much and he was supposed to be the one overstimulated.

You bring yourself over, with the touch you know it will get the job done, but you never let go of his dick. He doesn’t complain, even when you squeeze your hand unconsciously, only whimpering weakly.

You don’t allow yourself any resting time. You are still hazed when you get back on your knees.

“Hands up,” you order, voice not sounding like yours. Jongdae immediately moves his hands over his head and you hear quiet fuck falling from his lips. You smile, gathering your hair and twisting it with one hand – to keep them out of the way. You are going to suck him off and suck him off good, so he sees you as his goddess.

There is no playing around anymore. You suck him in, no hesitation, lips sliding down till you touch your own fingers still circled around the base. You suck him off, and when you can’t you swirl your tongue around the head, pushing your tongue under it or into bitter tasting tip, while your free hand pumps his shaft. Jongdae’s body in early vibrating with pent-up energy and need. You are not sure if you aren’t dipping into being cruel, but except for being very vocal, Jongdae doesn’t seem to mind.

You look up when you hear a heartfelt please. That’s it, that’s what you wanted to hear.

“Honey?” you prompt as you look at those wet eyes. You don’t even need to say anything more.

“Please, oh, my god, please,” he is rambling, and your own nostrils flare because that’s hot. “Can I come, please, can– can I come?”

It’s cruel but you rest your forehead against his hip, needing to compose yourself because that is breaking you. The way he pleads, the way he begs.

“Yes, babe, yes, of course,” you say, shaken. Your hand cramps when you let go off of his cock and you immediately suck onto his head. Your name groaned out loud reverberates in the room and he keeps repeating it over and over again until he comes down your throat.

You swallow what you can and you let his cock fall out of your mouth. You slowly straighten wiping your lips with the back of your hand. Jongdae looks half-melted into the bed, eyes looking up at the ceiling, but clearly not seeing it.

“Jongdae?” you call for him unsure.

“Is this… Is this the end?” he asks and you confirm, moving up to free his hands. “Oh, my god, it was amazing, but if we were going for third round I would probably not survive it, I swear.”

You laugh shyly, unfurling the shawl.

“So…” you start, not looking at him. You loved it. You loved every second of it and you really want to do this again. But the question is if Jongdae liked it enough to try it again? “Did you like it?”

His hands are now free and he slowly sits up rubbing his wrists. His hands look normal which means bonds weren’t too tight.

“Yeah, I liked it,” he says and he grabs your face and kisses you, hot and filthy. This kiss sends a jolt of pleasure down your body, but heavens know that you have no strength left for another round. “But I absolutely loved you getting off on this.”

It’s not the answer you expected, so you wet your lips.

“Well, did you like it enough to repeat it?”

“Honey,” he says, his hand falling to your neck. He starts rubbing little circles into your skin. “I would be disappointed if we didn’t work it into the weekly schedule. I mean, I am not about to give up fucking you into this mattress, but damn me if I didn’t love you scolding me and keeping me where you wanted and how you wanted. Because I did. Every second of it.”

“I suppose we can keep training you,” you say with a seemingly indifferent shrug. Jongdae’s eyes darken immediately and he pushes you to the bed. So maybe the third round will happen.

Jongdae’s hands are warm, curled on your sides, and you love that he was too out of it to remember to take off his rosary. You can feel the little protruding orbs on the ring, its temperature significantly lower than his hand.

You generally like Jongdae’s hands. You thoroughly enjoy his palms on your hips, his fingertips on your nipples, his nails in your ass, or his fingers inside you, but you also like his hands in their PG version. You like when he plays with a hem of your shirt, pulling it down to make sure your skin doesn’t flash. You like it when he brushes the hair off your face or when he taps on your thigh with his forefinger, seemingly oblivious to what he is doing. You also like just seeing his hands, when he plays with his rosary nervously or when he rubs them together.

But when his hands lose their way? That you love the most, but you are not going to admit that. Like when he plays with the hem of your shirt, and his fingers lose its track, and they dip below the waistband of your jeans, which makes you yelp, and grab them. You love the innocent face he presents you with on such occasions. Or when his hand from your thigh slides between your legs under the table, and you have to drag it out without people noticing, and you can see mischief in his eyes.

Or when you are outside talking with people, and he has his hand on your sacrum, which suddenly slides down onto your ass and squeezes.

And if you ever call him out on that, he raises his hands in mock innocence and explains that my hands lose their way, baby, my hands, it’s my hands’ fault.

You can’t fight with that, nor you want to. Because, in the end, you love his hands.

Especially when you are riding him, perspiration covering your back and legs, and you are fighting for every slide up, and his hands on your hips keep you anchored. Or when you suck him off, and his fingers are entwined in your hair. You love how he scratches your scalp with his short nails, and how he yanks his hair because he simply cannot help himself. You also love it when you are on all fours, and his hand on your shoulder keeps you from moving away. You love those fingers imprinting itself in your skin, leaving marks for days to come, that Jongdae would playfully press during the day, to remind you of your late nights together.

But you love his hands the most, when for once they don’t lose their way, and seeing your need, they go straight for your clitoris.

Just like now - rosary-less hand moves down, thumb pressing against your clitoris, as Jongdae watches you. You moan, throwing your head back, body unfurling, and you grab his nape to steady yourself. He is looking up at you with wonder in his eyes, and you feel both beautiful and loved, and he presses again.

Your mewl makes his other hand twitch, fingers pressing into the skin of your side, and you low-key hope for his rosary to leave a mark.

Because it’s his hands that you want to be imprinted on your skin.

“Hi.” It was soft and cautious, and Jongdae was right to be cautious right now because you were still at a point where you wanted to rip their balls off.

You didn’t understand how they worked. You didn’t understand why they left each other on dangerous planets. Baekhyun wasn’t the first one. Ha!  Even Yixing was not the first one.

You turned around to face Jongdae, whose blond hair triggered you. He was still standing in the airlock, and he seemed jerky, which also triggered you. It was for Jongdae that you left the military. You met that cheeky, dark haired, dark eyed boy, whose smile was simply stunning, and whose voice was enticing. You were adamant about holding his hand as people tried to talk you out of that idea. Your family, your commanders, everyone kept talking you that he meant trouble.

And you ignored all of them, and boarded this damned ship, with all its damned crew, and all of that happened to you? It was all on you.

About three months into your new journey, Junmyeon asked you to compute coordinates for a small planet that did not deserve a name. It was planet 0921, and although it was a new thing for you (at least aboard that vessel – you did that countless times in military), it wasn’t weird enough to ponder on that.

Planet turned out to be rigged with electricity-based deadly traps. Which turned out to be quite lethal (none of the crew died, but sensors read-outs stated enough charge to fry human’s brain in a split of a second).

And they left him. Jongdae. The crew brought you back and asked for go-no-go coordinates, and you escaped that trap of a planet. Only in hyperspace, you realized that Jongdae wasn’t aboard.

Long story short, Yixing had to put you down with sedatives, because you’ve been a threat not only to the crew but also to the integrity of the ship. And ship’s implosion in hyperspace is not the desired result for anyone. It’s one of the most horrible ways to go.

They kept you down for some time. You didn’t know how long it was. You think weeks, because of the degeneration of muscles that you experienced when you finally left the make-shift hospital quarters.

But Jongdae was waiting just outside of the air lock’s gate. He was blond, and his eyes were shining much more than they used to, now laced with golden sparks. He was much more hyper, much more jerky – but it was Jongdae. You fell into his arms, and a painful charge went through your body, frying little hairs on your hands. The smell of burning hair was nauseating, and Jongdae jerked back  - away from you.

“Sorry,” he mused sheepishly, looking down.” I still don’t control it.”

You looked at him horrified. He was oblivious to the fact that his hair changed into a halo around his hair, so galvanized was his body.

The new Jongdae was still cheeky, but he was also impatient and much more restless, much more feverish. He was hard to keep down, hard to keep occupied, his mind jumping from one idea to another.

You hated that. You hated that with all your heart. He might have come back with new power, but he came back scarred, with a certain disability. He laughed your concerns off, but you knew that you were right. You pleaded with them not to send another one for the mission.

Next one was Jongin. The planet was numbered 0114, and it was the only one circling around Wolf-Rayet star. The whole planetary system was empty, but it wasn’t surprising. No one would want to find themselves with a black hole as a neighbour. With a star in its last stage of life.

A rocky planet was empty and haunted, and Jongin was the same when they came back for him a month later. They didn’t even touch the ground of the planet, Jongin appeared out of thin air, his hand like a vice on your shoulder.

You screamed, and immediately the air in the bridge was charged – till the point where every metal surface was kicking with electricity upon touching. Jongdae attacked Jongin because he acted before he could understand what he was seeing.

Jongin ignored him, pleading you to go back to go-no-go. His eyes were empty, screaming volumes of the horrors he experienced.

Jongdae took to accompanying Kyungsoo in machinery-room. You saw him playing with electricity, cutting cables open to feel the current flow through his veins. Kyungsoo didn’t complain, using Jongdae to work dangerous equipment or to move the fuel cells.

Jongin lost most of his laughter. You remembered him as that carefree child, but now he was mostly seen in front of the hyperspace map or screens – contemplating the space. His body was inside the ship, but his mind was amongst stars. Even talking with him was chilling, because he seemed only to pay half attention to what was happening around him. The rest of the crew had to force him to eat, sleep, wash – because his mind didn’t deem it important.

But he could sense both black holes and dying stars from great distances. Which was downright creepy.

You saw him one day standing in front of the screen, with tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn’t flinch when you laid your hand on his shoulder.

“It’s dead,” he whispered, in a voice so haunted that you felt chills go down your spine. “That star. It’s dead.”

You later realized he was talking about the Wolf-Rayed star, the sun of planet 0114. He felt it collapse, a galaxy away.

You begged again – not to make another of the crew suffer.

Next planet was 1127. The main star was a red giant, and the planet was the closest to the star. If you ever saw planet looking like hell, it was that planet. It was barren, rigged with volcanoes, with holes of natural oil burning without an end.

When Chanyeol was left there, you said to Junmyeon that he was going to come back with anger issues. Junmyeon looked at you without a word, and you wanted to shake him, you wanted to fist your hands into his collar and ask why.

But you didn’t, and you left the conference room, seeing Jongin just outside of airlock. He looked both lost and not. His legs were wandering, but his face showed that he wasn’t there. You refused to look at him as you stormed to your room.

You always deemed Kyungsoo the most stable out of them. You thought that he might be the one to talk to. So one day you walked down to the machinery room, with bouncy Jongdae at your side. Jongdae sat down over the damaged circuit, putting it back together with his bare hands, while you talked with Kyungsoo.

He refused to talk to Junmyeon. He refused to acknowledge your concerns.

“We have to do it,” he whispered, looking away.

Chanyeol came back with fiery eyes and fiery temper. They made Yixing sedate him for weeks on end. Then they made him sit in the closed room like one would do with a wild animal – waiting for him to get a hang of his power. He burned through dozens of beds before he stopped having nightmares, but you still suspect that Yixing used chemical enhancements to stop him from dreaming at all.

Yixing was next. And Baekhyun was the last victim.

“They will come back broken. You know that“ you said bitterly. You didn’t have to add “like you” because he knew that. Jongdae tried to smile, and you wished you could touch him. Just touch. You didn’t ask for something more intimate. At this point, you only wanted to be able to touch him.

Because in contrary to his words, he never took the reign of his power. It was the power that led him, making it impossible to touch him.

“We have to that,” he echoed Kyungsoo’s words, and you wondered if he eavesdropped when you talked with Kyungsoo. Or if that was their belief generally.

Your com beeped, and your military training was enough for you to answer it without hesitation. You saw how Jongdae’s eyes fell to the ground, and his shoulders sagged. You couldn't find it in you to cheer him up.

“Speak,” you called into your com, and over the static (Jongdae was deranging the connection, but you couldn't blame him because he didn’t control it), you heard Sehun calling you back on the bridge.

It was time to get Yixing back. You tried not to think about the half-of-a-man that was going to come back. You liked Yixing. Which part of him was going to be missing? What was that they were sacrificing their personhood for?

You walked to the airlock, and as you passed Jongdae, he moved to grab your hand, and you jumped away in terror.

It was nauseating. The realization that you feared being touched by Jongdae. The pain in his eyes, when he saw that destroyed you, but you couldn’t say anything. You didn’t have anything to say.

“I…” You wanted to say that you are sorry. Or maybe that you loved him. “I have to go.”

He was indeed sweet. He was smiling broadly,but there was a feeling of shyness under that façade, and excitement when herealized you had shared interests. The easy laughter that greeted your jokeswas refreshing, and you looked at him, wondering how no one has claimed himyet.

He refused to let you pay, and it made you feelboth awkward and appreciative. After the meal, you asked if he’d like to drinkcoffee, and you managed to pay for that. Over the steaming mugs he listened toyou attentively, reacting to your stories in just the right moments, eyebrowsshooting up, head shaking or laughing.

He hasn’t touched you once.

After the date, he messaged you to ask if youarrived safety, and immediately asked if you’d like to go and see exhibitionthat just opened in the museum you briefly talked about during the date.

You couldn’t wait to go out with him again.

He briefly touched you on your third date, inthe second week of you knowing each other. His knees brushed against yoursunder the table, and he quickly withdrew them, apologizing. You smiled shyly athim and you took to observing his hands. They were nice – fingers long andslender with wiry wrists.

On forth date you were caught in the rain, andas cliché as it was, he protected both of you with his jacket as you ran forcover. You were actually disappointed when he bought an umbrella, but you shylyput your hand on his forearm when you strolled under in.

You were good. You were going good and slow,and sweet, and it was a pace that made you feel comfortable and safe. No onewas hurrying, no one was pushing you, and you loved every second you’ve spendwith him.

On your fifth month anniversary it all wenttumbling down.

Your male co-worker teased you all morningabout you being dolled up for your boyfriend.You were excited to go out with him and celebrate, even though you didn’t plananything special. Meal, walk, maybe coffee on your way. But you loved beingwith him, and walking with your hand in his.

Your co-worker asked to see Jongdae, to check “if he was handsome enough for you”.Upon seeing the picture of the two of you, he smiled, and the when somethinggrabbed his attention he pried the phone out of your hand and inspected thepicture closer. He looked at you weirdly, as he gave you back your phone.

He didn’t say anything.

Your date was as sweet as ever. Jongdae walkedyou back to your place, and you stood for a long time in front of yourbuilding, unable to split. Your heart was fluttering, when he held you close.

When you finally entered your apartment, youfelt melted with love and adorableness of your day. Your phone signaled a newmessage and you reached for it, sure it was Jongdae messaging you somethingsweet.

It was Jongdae.

But his smiley face emoji was the latestmessage among many. Your friends were writing. Your friends had news. Youfriends were sure you need to know what they knew. You didn’t. You really didn’t.

They’ve sent you links. Loads of them. All ofthem attacking you with their titles and thumbnails. Everyone was asking: “did you know your boyfriend is a pornstar?”

You didn’t. You haven’t had a slightest idea.

He haven’t kissed you until your second month.Even then, in your fifth month, it wasn’t a common occurrence, he usually preferredto peck your forehead, or caress your cheek.

It was masochistic of you but you watched the clips.You spent your night watching them one after another, feeling how they burn ahole in your head, feeling repulsed by what you saw, but you watched themhoping to find proof that it wasn’t him.

That that man fucking boosty blonde isn’t yourboyfriend. That it’s not Jongdae fucking the loud redhead. That it’s not yourman that gets blowjob from this cute, illegallooking girl. That it’s not his hand entangled in the black hair.

But you recognized his voice in the earphones,although the pitch was unfamiliar. You recognized his eyes, although theyweren’t sweetly squinted, but blown with arousal. You recognized his lips,curved corners of his mouth – so familiar, yet foreign in their half openstate.

He told you he worked in entertainmentindustry. Technically it wasn’t a lie, but it didn’t made it better.

You ignored him for days on end, scared andhurt. You didn’t know what to do, how to react, but you felt like your sweet,caring boyfriend turned into some kind of predator, and you couldn’t look himin the face.

He finally came to your work, face tired andeyes worried, and you couldn’t just ignore him anymore. You took him to thecoffee shop on the other side of the street, careful not to touch him, as if hewas contagiously ill.

You felt dirty for being kissed by him – wellknowing where those lips were, and it really broke you. You loved him, youreally did. But you couldn’t have him and have him be what he was.

He looked at you with palpable weariness.

“Are you ok?” He asked, and you focused on thetable. Even now, after two weeks of you going AWOL, he first wanted to makesure that you were ok. It hurt.

“Yes.” You said, but it was a lie. Both of youknew that. Had you been ok, you’d have contacted him by now, and you didn’t.

“Why?” He was smart enough to realize thatthere was a reason for your behavior, and something told you he knew exactlywhat it was. As if it wasn’t a first time something like that happened.

“You told me you worked in the entertainmentindustry.” You said, but it wasn’t an answer to his question. It was you,accusing him.

“Because I am.” He said, eyes hardening,fingers entwining on the table in front of you. He looked down, defiance oozingfrom his stance.

“You are sleeping around for money!” You said,dropping your voice, embarrassed that a phrase like that left your mouth. Youdeflated, long suppressed tears coming to the surface.

“It’s just a job. It doesn’t mean anything.It’s just… Like acting.” He tried, and it felt rehearsed. As if he said thesame thing at least once before.

“I can’t believe you!” You are making a sceneout of yourself, and you are embarrassed about that, but you are moreembarrassed about letting him lead you like that. It hurts. It hurts so effin’much! You are on the verge of crying. Hell, you can already feel tears on yourcheeks. You put your palm against your face, half in shock, half to cover itand you just stand up, chair screeching on the floor.

Jongdae is alarmed and he tries to catch yourhand.

“Wait, please, just… Don’t go!” It’s a weakthing, his calling. Sounding lifeless. Somehow resigned. And you just leave himthere.

Letting go is harder than you thought it wouldbe. The thing is: it’s impossible. Even if by day you go about just doing yourthing, by night you can’t stop yourself from searching his name on porn sites.You watch his blissful face while he doesanother girl. You found yourself reading everything you saw about this line ofwork. All the buzzfeed’s lists: “what porn actors will never tell you”.

About three weeks after you’ve walked out onhim, you saw a new clip. Fresh, with “hot” tag in the corner of its thumbnail,promising you the newest work of the actor. You watched it wondering if it wasfilmed before or after you broke up with him. Who was he thinking about whilefucking that girl (you conveniently forget about all the account telling youabout how they try not to think about anything sexy so they can go on longer).

The longer it took the deeper was your hole,but you started to realize the hard truth: you still loved him, and you’vemissed him. You’ve missed him so much, and he didn’t try to contact you once.Not once. Had he moved on or maybe he was respecting you?

You needed to know that. You really needed toknow that – and you mustered all your courage and you went to his place onSunday’s evening. You didn’t even know if he would be in, so you were surprisedwhen he opened the doors for you.

“Hi.” You say, as he watches you silently. “MayI come in?”

He doesn’t say anything, but he takes a stepback, so you exhale quietly, to calm yourself, and you enter his apartment. You’vebeen there three times only, but it smells familiar. You close the doors, andyou rest against them, unable to go further into the apartment.

He is standing a step away from you, looking sogood. Tired, but good. Handsome. Just… Handsome.

“Are you seeing anyone?” You ask, becausebefore you can inquire about anything you have to know that. You simply have toknow that.

Jongdae is watching you warily, and you biteyour lip, feeling awkward and out of place.

“No.” He says finally, and his eyes aredefiant. As if he was asking you what were you going to do about that. And youdon’t know. But suddenly the feeling of homesicknesshits you hard, Jongdae was like home to you, and suddenly he is just a stepaway from you, and you don’t want him not to be in your life. And you don’twant him to ever look at other girls.

You want him to only see you.

You grab the pendant that is on your chest, andyou take the necklace off your neck, and you put it on the counter next to you,while Jongdae observes you with rapt attention.

You are the one to close the distance betweenyou, by taking a step, and Jongdae doesn’t move. Which is both good and badthing. You are feeling… Brave. You are feeling brave, and that feeling leadsyour hands to the hem of his shirt.

He doesn’t protest when you take it off, and youallow it to hit the floor. You are faced with Jongdae’s chest, which you seefor the first time in real life, but you know it all too well. It nauseates you,but it won’t stop you. It requires all your strength for your hands to grab hisbelt. His arms are unmoving on his sides, and you refuse to look him in theeyes, but he doesn’t stop you when you open it as you walk him backwards, andthen when you open his fly.

You only look up, when your fingers dip justbelow him waist line, Jongdae’s stare is heavy, and you swallow your saliva asyou push his pants down. They fall to his knees, and he moves for the firsttime to step out of them. He moves back as he does it, and you use the chanceto take off your own shirt, which joins his clothes on the floor. Your handsmove to the clasp of your bra, and only then he comes to you. His hand lands onyour nape, warm and familiar, and he rests his forehead against yours.

“You don’t have to do that.” He whispers, throatconstricted. You freeze, it’s been so long since Jongdae was so close to you,and it’s really sweet of him, but you needto do that. You really need to do that.

You push him back, leading him through hisapartment, till you reach his bed. You push him down on it, and then you openyour bra. His stare is hot, and fixed, and it’s reassuringly different fromwhat you’ve seen in porn. There it’s more lewd. More macho. This stare isappreciative. This stare doesn’t make you feel like a piece of meat.

That’s why you proceed. You take off your pantsand you underwear, and there you are bared in front of Jongdae.

And he comes to you. He is swift in hismovement, and he his hand are on your neck, and he tips your head up, so youcan look at him. Now his face is oozing affection so strong, you feeluncomfortable. It doesn’t look like lust, but… Warmth. You are not sure if that’swhat you are supposed to see.

“You really don’t have to do that. You don’tneed to sleep with me.” He says, voice raspy. You are conflicted, whether youshould be offended or not. Doesn’t he want to sleep with you? Or maybe youshould feel good, because he just wants to tell you that he’ll wait for you.

Either way he is not clear enough, and you haveto do it. Maybe even want to do it. Not maybe, you just want to.

You are scared, but you move on your tiptoes tokiss him, hands shyly sliding across his shoulder, and he reciprocates, thumbsrubbing circles into skin of your neck.

You don’t know what to expect when he leads youonto the bed. You saw him in porn, but they always skipped from kissing to sex,and you certainly didn’t expect Jongdae to just keep kissing you.

You are nervous. You are way out of your depth,but Jongdae is not rushing. He never really did. It actually calms you down alot – kissing is familiar, kissing is also pleasurable. You don’t know how longit goes on, but when you feel confident enough to slide your hands down hisback, you feel one of his hands dropping to your side.

It immediately alarms you, but he keeps kissingyou, little mewling sounds in the back of his throat, and that sounds are new.You don’t know them from porn. Is it you? Is he being real? Is it something hekeeps for his girl, and only for her.

Are you his girl?

His hands move only when yours. You realizethat quite quickly – that he mimics your touch, and he goes as far as you feelsafe going, which makes you feel safe and in control, but it also makes youimpatient.

You feel how hot you are, you feel how wet youare, isn’t it the moment for him to do it?You break the kiss, feeling breathless and lightheaded, and Jongdae immediatelygoes on to kiss your cheek and jaw, his thumb now rubbing circles into yourhip.

“Jongdae.” You call, and he hums, his lipsnever really leaving your skin. “Are you going to…”

Finally he looks up, pushing himself on hiselbows to better see you.

“Am I going to do what?” He prompts, and youcan feel yourself burning. You think you are ready, why doesn’t he think thesame?

“Do it?”You finish in a whisper, and his answer is a smile. Effin’ smile.

“In a second, yes.” He says, and it makes yourheart skip a beat. “But I want to cherish the feeling on your skin on my lips,and your warmth between my arms.”

It’s… Not the talk you’ve heard. It’s not thedescriptive litany of adjectives about your womanhood. It’s not mantra ofcurses, and it’s surprising. You came prepared for certain things, and Jongdaedoesn’t seem to want to cross even one from your checklist.

He kisses your neck, and he kisses yourclavicle, and he is touch is tender, when he first cups your breasts. And hetells you how beautiful you are, and how lucky he is.

Which is all wrong. It’s nothing like porn. Nothing.

And you’ve never felt so beautiful before. Andappreciated. And praised. And just simply so loved.

Jongdae comes up once in a while to kiss youagain, reopening the make out session, and you welcome it every time. You feelgood on his bed, in his arms, naked, your hands getting to know his smooth andhot skin, and hard body underneath.

“I will be back in a second.” He says suddenly,and you just tense, sitting up. His steps that are leading him away from youfalter, as soon as he hears the bed crank under you.

“Why?” You ask panicked. You don’t want him togo now. Not when you are having somuch fun.

Jongdae caresses your cheek, and you recognizeit as a gesture he used to make so often.

“I need to find condoms, so we can do it.” He says, and it soundsridiculous in his mouth (porn star’s mouth), but you appreciate that he usesyour terminology, because you are still not really comfortable with the proper one.

He comes back a second later, with a package onwhich your stare fixates, but he doesn’t put it on. He kisses you, his handscaressing your sides, and he lulls you back into your relaxed state, which, youslowly start to understand, is a way to distract you.

He allows you to go in your own pace, just likehe did when you two were starting to date. And that realization really did makeyour eyes water.

You love him.

“Jongdae.” You call his name again, and as faras you can tell, he likes that. “Can you please…?”

You can’t say anything more, but he doesn’tneed you to. He kisses your clavicle tenderly, and then he opens condom, whichmakes your pulse quicken. You watch him put it on, and you realize that’s alsodifferent. You’ve always seen his penis without protection. And yet there is nohesitation in him as he rolls it on.

He looks at you, and he smiles as he sees youstaring. He grabs your hand and he leads it down to his penis. You are hesitant, but you slowly curl yourfingers around the shaft, feeling its warmth and girth and veins under thelatex. You experimentally pump it, and Jongdae groans quietly. It makes youhot, but it also reassures you. It’s a new thing to have him in your hand, andit has an added perk – you get to know what will be inside of you, and it makesthe thought left scary.

“Can we…?” You start again, and once again hedoesn’t need you to finish, he just moves you further up the bed, grabbing thepillow on his way, and he puts it under your hips. It stresses you. You read itas a sign that’s you are about to experience something new.

Jongdae kisses you, as he goes between your legs,his hands soothing your sides, and again – it calms you, but it can’t calm youranticipation.

You expected pain. And blood. And discomfort.

But as far as you can tell there is none. It’snot a long breach, he doesn’t go all in, but rather shallowly, and he nearly immediatelyslides out. It’s a weird, albeit pleasurable experience, and you hold yourbreath waiting for more.

And Jongdae delivers, patiently going in andout, every time pushing deeper, while kissing your neck, your shoulders yourchest. Fingers of your left hand are entangled into his hair, and the otherhand shyly rests on his sacrum.

Suddenly he stops, and you look down, to hiships against you, and you realize he stopped to let you know he is all in,which is both surprising and satisfying, and by now, you really want him to let go.

Because, it’s nothing like porn.

You know that already. He isn’t behavinganything like in porn, he is nothing, but attentive and loving and warm, andyou feel good in his bed. You feel good enough to call this whole situation, abrilliant move from you.

“You good?” He asks, and you wonder if you weretold him you were a virgin. Maybe you did. Maybe he just knew it.

“Yeah.” You answer, and he smiles at you andmoves your hand from his back to kiss your knuckles. Then be proceeds to put itback, but not on his sacrum, but his ass.

You can feel the blush, making you even redderthan the exertion does.

You experimentally sink your nails into his arse,and he groans and snaps his hips forward, which makes your breath hitch.

He starts again – thrusts long, but nothurried. It is quite leisurely, but the moment his thumb is on your clitoris,you are gone. Your chest starts heaving and you breath heavily, some of yourexhales turning into quiet gasps and groans.

Which seems to be too much for Jongdae, becausehe kisses you – it’s not an easy fest, because your mouth keeps falling open ina silent moans, but he doesn’t seem to care, crowding you in his arms, hot andhard above you, teeth scraping your lips, and mouth…

Mouth just singing his praises.

It’s so unreal to be getting orgasm brought toyou by another person. You are surprised it even comes, but it does and it’samazing. You brought yourself over on your fingers before, but it wasn’t as thoroughexperience as it was with Jongdae and you loved it.

Because it was nothing like his porn.