#kvanity

Throughout the following weeks, his days became harder to bear with every passing hour. He thought of himself as pathetic for letting it affect him so much, as if someone else’s happiness should be his shortcomings. Still, seeing life play out in front of him so frequently made him wonder how much he was missing out on.

Seungkwan entered the shop early in the morning, storing the load that had been delivered and updating inventory like any other day. He greeted his coworkers that came in after him, helping him set up the shop, per usual. He helped the regulars of that day, watched customers whip in, look around and leave, never seeing them again.

He went home, made the same dinner, watched the same show or hung out with the same friends and he came to realise: his life was actually becoming a bore. He needed some action.

Seungkwan was behind the counter, making the new seasonal bouquets when one of the regulars stood in front of him. He watched her lean on her hand with a cheeky smile, waving his hand to the back. “My coworker is right over there. He can tell you about our new recommendations,” he spoke and held the flowers up. “I’m busy.”

“And what if I want to hear it from you?”

“Then you’re clearly trying to make me feel better.”

She nudged him. “Come on, Droopy. What’s going on with you?”

Seungkwan shook his head with a small smile. “Nothing, just doing long days now business is booming.”

The regular and friend narrowed her eyes, but left it at that. She nodded and pointed to the back of the shop. “I’ll leave you to it then. Your colleague can help me as well.”

He nodded and turned back to the flowers, neatly spread out over the counter. He stuck two sunflowers in the middle, grabbing a bush of thistle and tucking it in gently. With a lily and some dahlias, he finished it off and put it to the side. With another handful of sunflowers, he made one with a variety of yellow flowers with green branches in between.

Sunflowers were the highlight of the summer, resembling them in a way that no other flower could. Happiness, loyalty, adoration and hope, a symbol of optimism that dragged him through the slums of the day.

His coworker slid past Seungkwan and did the checkout with his friend. He cut the branches a little shorter and smiled at her.

As she walked out, someone bumped into her on the way in. She made way for the new customer before flying out of the door, but Seungkwan’s attention was on the flowers again. He put them in a bucket and moved them to the shop window.

Pride rang in his chest when his bouquets were on display. He was at his best when he was assembling them, carefully curating where each flower would go.

Seungkwan heard his coworker sending someone over to him, but he perfected the display until it was showing its best side. When he turned around, someone grabbed his arm for stability.

“Sorry,” a warm voice said to him, chuckling softly. “I didn’t realise you were going to turn around so soon.”

His heart stopped. His eyes darted everywhere but at the person in front of him. His thoughts were racing a million miles per hour and he was unable to make sense of anything. He thought he was over it, he really was.

You smiled at him when finally looked at you. Until it faded a little he was happy that you did, but a pit formed in his stomach when you observed him closely.

Seungkwan felt his face flush– no. His entire body flushed. He rolled his shoulders back and cleared his throat.

“Seungkwan,” you said gently, the hint of surprise in your voice made his heart drop. You looked around and chuckled. “Well, it makes sense that you’re here.”

He chuckled nervously and crossed his arms behind his back. “I… Well, here I am.”

You smiled, your entire face lighting up when you did. Your cheeks glowed, your eyes twinkled the same after a decade, scanning every inch of his face.

He could barely stand on his own two feet anymore.

You shook your head. “Sorry, um,” with rosy cheeks, you smiled. “I actually came here for a bouquet. Your colleague said you could help me with that.”

Seungkwan looked over at Chan sticking his thumb up. He pressed his lips into a thin smile before turning to you. “Yes, I can. Do you have something in mind?”

“My manager is going through a tough time,” you said with a small smile. “I know she loves flowers, so I want to give her a nice bouquet to let her know I’m there for her.”

Seungkwan’s stomach tingled, a smile tugging at his lips. “That’s very thoughtful of you, actually. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.”

You wrote it off as basic human decency, for Seungkwan it was his reminder why he was in love with you once.

He motioned for you to follow him and took you to the back of the shop. “I have some bouquets ready to go, but you can also assemble one yourself if you want to add your personal touch,” he explained and turned to you.

You glanced at your watch and offered an apologetic smile. “I don’t have long, so one of yours has to do this time.”

This time. Seungkwan’s mind started racing with possibilities again.

He stepped aside. “I’m sure there’s something that catches your eye, but I have special bouquets for your situation if you’d like me to point them out.”

You watched them curiously. “You do?”

Seungkwan couldn’t help but smile and nodded. He pointed at the white and green bouquet. “All of these flowers represent support, strength or resilience, like the white chrysanthemum for example, and the green rose.”

When he locked eyes with you, his cheeks flushed. “Um… but you can also go for something more cheerful? Yellow flowers, or her favourite colour perhaps?”

Your lips twisted into a smile. “The white bouquet is beautiful, Seungkwan. I’ll take that.”

He nodded and took it from the bucket, taking you back to the counter. “Would you like a card with it?”

You rummaged in your bag and held one up.

“Thought of everything, huh?”

“Ah, well.” Your cheeks tinted a light pink and put it back.

Seungkwan smiled and wrapped the bouquet in foil before placing it on the counter, putting the order in the register. “Would you like to grab a cup of coffee soon?” He heard himself ask. His fingers hovered above the buttons as his eyes darted your way. “I… Mean… We haven’t seen each other in so long so I thought, maybe we can catch up?”

“I would like that,” you answered with a smile and pointed across the street. “That place looks nice. We can meet there around this time next week?” You proposed and held your card against the reader. “I wish I had a gap this week, but I’m packed–”

“Next week is perfect,” he assured you and handed you the bouquet along with the receipt. “I’ll make sure to be there.”

You took it and thanked him.

“You can tell me how much she liked it,” he added with a wink, to which you chuckled.

“Just tell me if you want me to feed your ego.”

“I’ll never say no to that.”

You smiled and waved. “See you next week, Seungkwan.”

He watched you walk out of the shop and his entire body felt like it was on fire. He smiled to himself and fell back into his usual rhythm.

The rest of the week flew by in a blink of an eye. As quickly as Seungkwan opened the shop in the morning, he could close it when the afternoon was almost over. He wasn't looking forward to the moment he would be able to go home. In fact, for the first time in months he was sad to leave the place behind for the night.

Seungkwan kept an eye on the coffeehouse across the street, leaning against the counter. He fixed a loose hair in the shop window, but his eyes darted back quickly. He clutched his shirt, heart galloping in his chest as the time crept closer to 10am.

“You know,” Chan started, “when you asked me to cover for you, you could’ve stayed home.”

“I’m across the street,” Seungkwan answered with a shrug. “Just dropped in to see how you were doing.”

“You’re way too concerned over a business that is doing well.”

When the clock struck ten, he pushed himself up. He tapped the counter and nodded at Chan. “Call me if something comes up.”

“I hope I won’t have to,” Chan replied with a grin. “I would hate to interrupt your date.”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes, but his cheeks flushed. He walked out of the door and crossed the street. He looked around for a sign of you before he went inside. The smell of coffee and pastries greeted him at the first step. He waved at the barista and walked towards the back.

He halted in his tracks and when you locked eyes, the world stopped spinning.

You were on the couch, two coffees in front of you. Your smile lit up the room, your eyes twinkling.

He swallowed and walked over to you.

You held a cup up. “Iced Americano?”

Seungkwan thought of all the times people told him that he was too clingy, that you would get tired of him being around you all the time, but how could he not when this was how you waited for him?

He took it with a bright smile. “How did you…”

“I hoped I was still right,” you answered and pulled your cup towards you quickly. A grin formed on your face. “Guess what I have, though.”

“Let me think.” He sat down with a hum. “Is it… a cappuccino with oat milk and an extra shot of espresso?”

You lit up and Seungkwan became a puddle at your feet, even though your feelings had long withered away.

“Are you back in town?” He asked and stirred his americano with the straw.

“Since a month,” you answered with a hum. “I got an incredible job offer that I simply couldn’t refuse.”

He looked up at you, a grin tugging at his lips. “‘If you ever catch me returning to this shithole...’”

“Yeah, yeah,” you rolled your eyes with a chuckle, “very hypocritical, I know.” With your hands wrapped around the cup, you leaned back in your seat. You looked out of the window. “It has changed a lot since the last time I was here. I didn’t know it was capable of change.”

“Yeah, well, when a lot of citizens and small business owners leave because you’re putting them at a disadvantage, you have to do something.” He tapped the table with his index finger. “Before this coffee house, there were at least four different stores. We’ve seen them all wither from the other side of the street.”

You hid your smile behind the cup. “Means that your business is doing well at least.”

“I guess it does, yeah.” Seungkwan put his cup down. “What did your manager think of the flowers?”

You put the cup down in a hurry and slapped your hands on the table. “That’s what I needed to remember!”

He tilted his head with a hum. His eyes remained strictly on yours, before he would lose himself in you.

“She loved them!” You exclaimed excitedly. “She asked me where I got them from so I explained, but she’s on the other side of town so she’d never heard of it and I lost your business card.”

Seungkwan’s lips twisted into a smile. “I can give you one later? Is that what you wanted to ask?”

“Yes!” You rubbed his hand and took a sip. “You’re a doll.”

His hand tingled. A buzz shot through his body and his cheeks flushed. “It’s no problem, really,” he managed to tell you. “I mean, we have plenty so it’s not like I’ll miss one.”

You looked at each other for a second before you broke into a grin.

Seungkwan looked away and cleared his throat. “Anyway.”

“Hey.”

He looked your way again, watching your eyes soften.

“It’s good to see you again, Seungkwan.”

Seungkwan nodded and scratched his neck. “Of the same.”

You ordered another round and shared a slice of red velvet cake before you had to part ways. Seungkwan had his entire schedule cleared, even though deep down he knew it wasn’t necessary.

“I have to pick up an order for mum, then I’m meeting with my old friends for lunch, I’m squeezing a workout in there and tonight, I finally have a night to myself,” you told him as you were crossing the street. “Any fun plans on your end?”

“Hoping my colleagues didn’t burn the shop down.”

You pushed him playfully. “Don’t be mean. I’m sure they’re taking good care of it in your absence.”

He didn’t have the heart to tell you that he was barely absent.

Seungkwan pushed through the door and let you pass. He walked up to the counter for a business card, ignoring the look he got from Chan.

Him altogether, actually.

He joined you back at the front of the shop and gave you the card. Watching you observe the flowers made a warmth spread through his chest.

You looked up at him. “These carnations are adorable.” You hovered over them and inhaled. “And they smell amazing.”

Seungkwan nudged you. “You know your flowers.”

“I learned from the best.” You came up. “Can I take some for my mum? She will love the pink ones.”

He reached for the bucket and grabbed some. “I think they will pair well with white.”

“Perfect!”

Seungkwan smiled and grabbed some baby’s breaths and kamini’s to fill the bouquet up, slipping behind the counter to assemble the bouquet.

“He has trouble not working when he asks for a day off,” he heard Chan telling you, followed by your chuckles.

His heart skipped a beat.

“Always had that,” you responded.

“Do you know each other?”

“We dated until I moved away for college,” you said to Chan.

Seungkwan’s cheeks were a furious shade of red, feeling his coworker’s eyes on him. He crouched to grab a piece of paper and wrapped the flowers together.

“For how long?”

“Four years.”

Chan’s eyes burned into him by that point.

Seungkwan gave the bouquet to you. “I’ll take care of it.” You opened your mouth, but he spoke ahead of you. “As long as you tell your mum hi from me, I’m satisfied.”

You took it from him with pink cheeks. “Thank you, Seungkwan. She’ll be very happy to hear from you again.”

He watched you leave, a smile carved into his face that wouldn’t go away for the rest of the day.

Even though he had no way of contacting you.

Seungkwan was a wreck when he found that out. If fate was a thing, you’d walked back into his life five years ago. He’d never stopped to think about which phone numbers got lost when he got a new number, if they even got lost at all.

He never realised that you couldn’t even reach him even if you wanted to, taking it as a sign from the universe to get over himself.

He’d gotten the chance to love you once. His karma had to be incredible for him to be able to love you a second time.

Seungkwan was in the warehouse, spitting through inventory and noting down everything he had to order. He threw out flowers that were withering, putting buckets aside that he would take back to the front when he was done.

His rhythm was back to its dull, unadventurous way.

With a pen tucked behind his ear, he reorganised the storage. Thoughtless, for once, only worried about efficiency and structure.

He grabbed some of the buckets and dragged them back into the shop, putting them by his feet and observing them closely. His heart skipped a beat when he saw white carnations again, but he pushed the thought away.

When he was at the back for the remaining bucket, Chan called out to him.

Seungkwan walked back and shot him a look.

You shot him an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry to bother you at work.”

He quickly shook his head and smiled at you. “What’s up?”

“I don’t have your number.”

His breath caught in his throat, his heart jumping in his chest. Seungkwan scrambled to get his phone out of his pocket and gave it to you. He cleared his throat and rubbed his hands off on his pants. “So, how did your mother like the bouquet?”

A smile played on your lips. “As predicted, she loved it. She started bombarding me with questions about you which I could not answer.”

"We have to text a lot, then."

"We'll be caught up in no time." You gave his phone back and pointed to the door. "I need to head to my friend's. Thank you for making time for me."

Seungkwan smiled. "Always."

You waved and walked out of the door.

After taking a week off — his colleagues begged him to before he collapsed — Seungkwan was back at the shop before the weekend would ring in. He was at the back while Chan stayed out front, taking care of the deliveries that had just been made and storing them properly. He took some of the buckets to the front with him to make bouquets, placing them in the shop window for display.

As he was working on a sunflower bouquet, the shop door opened.

Seungkwan looked up an his heart skipped a beat. "Hey."

"Hey there, holidaymaker!" You waved excitedly and walked up to the counter. "Happy to be back here?"

"Back where I belong," he answered with a smile. "What can I do for you?"

"My colleague's retiring." You placed a hand on your chest with twinkling eyes. "I was put in charge of getting a present and I wanted to do a bouquet on the side."

Seungkwan nodded and put the bouquet to the side. "Anything particular in mind?"

"She loves the colour yellow?"

He smiled and moved away from the counter, motioning his head at you. As you followed him to the left side of the shop, he spoke. "Yellow is a very common colour these months, so you're in luck."

"It's a very positive colour."

He agreed and pointed at the buckets. "You can do a sunflower bouquet, or you get a mix of yellow and orange flowers to give her. It's whatever she prefers, and what catches your eye the most, of course."

You bobbed along. "Can you tell me about the yellow flowers?"

Seungkwan felt the heat flushing his cheeks. "Yeah, of course." He cleared his throat and grabbed one out of the bucket. "I put a sunflower in the middle here as a focal point. It expresses admiration, loyalty and a non-romantic love."

He pointed at the flower next to it. "I put some marigold in it to represent happiness, some orchids for well wishes and orange roses to break up the yellow. They stand for enthusiasm and energy, in this case."

As he grabbed the other bouquet, he locked eyes with you. His stomach tingled when you smiled.

"I also made one with a yellow dahlia as focal point, but they more so represent a commitment shared forever in this case, as well as the pansies and the yarrow. It's rather a love bouquet, to keep it short."

You pointed at the one in the bucket. "That one fits the occasion more, I'd say."

Seungkwan agreed with a chuckle and grabbed it, walking back to the counter.

"God, it's gorgeous," you breathed out as you followed him. "I almost want to keep it myself."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"You definitely should." You held the card against the reader. "Seungkwan, you're a doll. Thank you so much!"

Seungkwan watched you leave with flaming hot cheeks.

Later that week, he got a text from you telling him how much she loved the bouquet. You even forwarded the picture of your colleague, where the bouquet was standing on the saloon table in the living room.

He felt himself slipping away the more he talked to you.

Seungkwan came back from his lunch break, a cup of coffee in hand when he halted in his tracks.

You stood at the counter with a smile, declaring that your friend was getting married and you wanted to congratulate her with a bouquet. Once again, Seungkwan spent his time talking to you about the bouquets he made until you settled for a white one, keeping it simple but thoughtful.

The smile you left with was the same.

Chan watched the interaction and flashed him a grin. "She's becoming our biggest source of income this way."

After the weekend, you stood in front of his nose again. For the first time, you were there for yourself, opting that you needed a nice bouquet in your living room.

Seungkwan didn't mind having you wander around the store for thirty minutes if that made you happy with the bouquet you made. He told you he would take care of it for you and your smile had lit the room up.

That same night you video called him, showing the bouquet standing in your living room. Seungkwan only hung up when you declared you needed to go to bed. If he didn't, you would've stayed up until the middle of the night to talk to him.

Every day that passed since then, Seungkwan hoped that you would walk through the doors.

After two weeks of absence, you were there again. Your mother's friend wanted a bouquet with pink and white carnations just like the one you gave to your mother.

Seungkwan happily obliged and yet again, you were the happiest woman on earth when you left the store. He watched with the heat spreading through his body, smiling to himself before he went back to work.

"That's the fourth time this month alone," Chan commented and turned to his colleague. "And coincidentally, she comes in when you're at work."

Seungkwan arched an eyebrow. "Meaning?"

"That — for some bizarre reason — she keeps seeking you out." When he stayed silent, Chan deadpanned him. "Oh, come on. You can't tell me that you hadn't noticed."

He shrugged and wrapped the small rose bouquet together.

"I can say with absolute certainty that even Minghao has noticed."

"What have I noticed?"

Seungkwan's head shot up.

Minghao halted in his tracks, a flannel shirt loosely hugging his slender body and blond hair partially hidden under a cap. His sharp eyes peeked at him curiously.

"Seungkwan has a not-so secret admirer," Chan said without missing a beat. "His ex-girlfriend has been coming in here constantly." He held four fingers up. "Four times this month."

"In my defence, we split up on good terms," Seungkwan cut in. "Ten years ago."

Minghao bobbed his head. "So Seungkwan likes her back, I assume."

Chan turned to him and smiled sweetly, but he just scoffed and put the bouquet in the display.

"That's a yes."

"Chan is convinced she's here for me, but I think she just wants to be sweet to the people around her." Seungkwan shrugged. "That's how she's always been. She's caring, loves seeing people happy. It's not uncharacteristic for her to stop by so often."

"Like the talking isn't uncharacteristic either, just like with you."

He glared at his colleague.

"So just return the favour and give her a bouquet."

Seungkwan's eyes darted to Minghao.

"You seem to know what she likes, you like her. I don't see why not." He grabbed his package from the counter and smiled. "From what I hear, she seems to be seeking you out on purpose. You'll miss out if you don't."

Seungkwan was the only one left in the shop later that week, still pondering over what his friends had said about you. He hated that he was convinced of their case, how it made his heart beat faster. He wanted to find out, to see how you felt about him. He needed to know how much was still left of what you once had.

When he looked at the clock, it was a little over 4pm. He still had two hours to kill until the shop would close, it was as good as cleaned and there hadn't been a customer in over an hour.

Seungkwan decided to put the order in early and grabbed his laptop from out back, setting it on the counter. As he was selecting the flowers, the door opened. He looked up and smiled. "Good afternoon."

You turned around and waved at him. "Hi, Seungkwan!"

He stumbled over his words before he was able to get something out, making you chuckle. God, that was the best sound in the world.

"I'm here for a bulk order, actually," you said and leaned your elbows on the counter. "Is that possible?"

Seungkwan bobbed his head and put the order through before shoving his laptop aside. "It's a minimum delivery time of two weeks, though, depending on our inventory."

"It's in a month so we have time!"

He heard his friends in the back of his mind, his heart pulsing in his ears and for some reason, his ability to think before he spoke magically left him.

He flashed you a grin. "You know, you can just say you want to see me."

"Yeah, actually. For the bulk order."

Seungkwan cleared his throat and shifted his weight to his other leg. "Right, so. We can deliver roses, or multi flower bouquets…"

You nodded. "Well, um, it's a business event so something professional, but fun."

"White, pink and orange?"

"Yep, perfect."

Seungkwan scribbled it down. His eyes darted up at you, but you looked away. "Any preference for flowers?"

"Nope. Go crazy."

He wrote your name above the notes and came up. "I suspect a normal delivery period, but we'll notify you if something comes up."

"Could you send them over to the venue actually?" You asked. "The day before would be perfect."

Seungkwan nodded and wrote it down. "We'll keep in touch."

Your fingers drummed on the counter before you stepped away. You took small, slow steps towards the exit, looking around as if you hadn't seen the store a thousand times before.

He called out to you.

You looked over your shoulder, your hand on the door handle.

"You don't have to keep coming here if you want to see me," he said.

Your cheeks flushed a rose pink. "I like to see you at your best." With those words, you left the shop. You locked eyes through the window one more time and you smiled at him shyly before you disappeared into the crowd.

Seungkwan was reminded of everything that he loved about you.

He was on edge, even more so than before. He was in the shop more than he was scheduled for, all to try and put his mind to anything else before he was consumed by you. His coworkers looked at him funny and he was sure they whispered behind his back, but he could not bring himself to care.

Seungkwan told Chan he would be in to make the new bouquets on his day off and did just that. If Chan refrained from speaking his mind or he sensed that Seungkwan really needed the distraction, he didn't know. Once again, he couldn't bring himself to care.

As he was assembling a rose bouquet, the door of the shop opened.

Seungkwan looked up, watching how Minghao strolled up to the counter. "I was wondering if my favourite regular was ever going to come back," he teased.

Minghao chuckled, sliding his hands into his pocket. "Duty never stops calling. I'm here for a bouquet, like usual."

"I've just been making them." He held a rose bouquet up.

"I don't have to look any further, then."

"Makes my job easy." Seungkwan grinned and wrapped it in foil for him. "Any special occasion?"

"Not really." Minghao hummed and got his card out, holding it against the reader. "Just an 'I love you.' She deserves it every day, but otherwise her apartment would be filled with flowers and she'll go back to hating them."

His grin was replaced by a warm smile. "I'm very sure that she'll love it." He gave his friend the flowers. "Tell her I said hi."

"I will." Minghao saluted him and turned on his heel. He looked over his shoulder and smiled before walking out of the store.

Seungkwan looked down at the flowers. When the bouquet was laying in front of him, he swiped his own card against the reader and put it in the back.

The thought of your smile was enough to make the heat pool in his stomach before it spread through the rest of his body.

He was about to get himself into dangerous waters.

That night, Seungkwan sat in the car in front of your apartment block, hands clutching the wheel. He told himself that there was no reason to be nervous. In fact, this was by far not the first time he'd stood on your doorstep unannounced, but after all those years…

He shook his head, took a deep breath and got out of the car. He grabbed the bouquet from the backseat and shut the car, walking up to the door. His finger trembled when he rang your bell, and his breath hitched when there was crackling on the other side of the line.

"Hello!"

Your excitement etched a smile into his face. He leaned forward into the microphone. "It's me."

"Seungkwan! What are you doing here?"

"Do I need a reason for a visit?"

Your chuckles made the heat pool in his stomach. "I'll open the door for you."

The door buzzed and Seungkwan pushed it open, walking straight into the elevator. As it brought him to the fourth floor, he fixed the collar of his blouse and ran a hand through his hair.

Seungkwan stepped into the hallway and turned to the left, knocking on the apartment at the end of the hall. His heart ached for you, reigniting a spark that he thought had long died out. That he thought he'd left behind when you broke up.

When you appeared in the doorway, he proved himself wrong.

"You'll never guess what I brought you," he spoke, to which you pretended to think.

"I would say flowers," you finally said and leaned against the frame. "Couldn't be too sure."

Seungkwan smiled and held the bouquet out.

You observed it as you took it from him. You lit up, making his stomach tingle. "My favourite flowers! How did you know?!"

"I just hoped nothing had changed."

Your arms flew around his neck, your face nuzzling in the crook.

Seungkwan clung onto your waist for stability. He closed his eyes and hummed softly. "Sorry for barging in unannounced. I just… I don't know. I had to see you."

"Apology rejected."

He chuckled softly and pulled back when you did, observing every inch of your face. When a lock blocked your eyes, he tucked it behind your ear.

Your cheeks flushed, a bright smile tugging at your lips. You leaned in, pushing yourself up on your tippy toes.

Seungkwan met you halfway in a kiss that sealed him forever. Every memory you made flashed before his eyes. It all seemed so innocent at the time, his sisters had even told him that first loves would never last. Theirs hadn't, why would his?

And for years, he believed them. When you left for college and the distance would be unbearable for the both of you, Seungkwan had told himself that it would blow over. You would find someone new, and he would, too.

But after ten years, on that faithful day that you walked through the doors of his shop, he realised that his heart still beat for you. And it never stopped doing that for you.

When you pulled back, his eyes stayed shut.

"I'm free tonight," you whispered.

Seungkwan smiled as they fluttered open. "We should get dinner, then."

Your head shot up and Seungkwan regretted opening his mouth. You observed him closely, narrowing your eyes. They disappeared under a bright grin. “Boo Seungkwan, are you asking me out?”

“Would you say yes if I did?”

There was a challenging look in your eyes that made his heart beat faster. You could feel it if you moved your hands closer. “Shall we try?”

He locked eyes with you and leaned forward. “Would you like to go on a date with me?”

"Lead the way."

Seungkwan took you to an Italian restaurant just out of town. He discovered it on his way home, when he needed to take a detour. Overridden by hunger, he went in. Since then, he never went to another Italian restaurant again.

It was cozy, almost like you went into the owners' home. A couple of people were seated here and there, the smell of fresh pasta and garlic dancing all around you.

You looked around you and muttered underneath your breath. "This is adorable!" You told Seungkwan. "And it smells nice."

Seungkwan smiled and placed a hand on your back. "Come on, let's search for a table." He looked down and cleared his throat. He retreated his hand and folded it behind his back.

Your cheeks tinted a light pink and you looked away from him.

He mentally cussed himself out. At least he was making his intentions clear if he let his hand sit there, but the last thing he wanted was to make you uncomfortable. Maybe you were just there to see what there was to rekindle between you.

Seungkwan watched you plop on the couch and smiled, sitting across from you on a chair. "How about we order a bottle of red wine to share between us?"

"I do love a good red wine," you answered and rubbed your chin. "Do they have Primitivo here?"

"The best I've ever had."

You nodded with a smile. "Perfect. We'll get that then."

He gave you the menu that sat on the table and leaned back in his seat. His heart warmed when he saw you mouthing along the words, your brows knitted together. Every once in a while, you bobbed your head. You hadn't even properly registered that Seungkwan ordered a bottle of wine until you had a glass in front of your nose.

Your head shot up and you shot him a small smile. "I was so engulfed in the menu. Thank you for ordering."

"I always eat the same thing here so I don't even have to look."

"I expected as much."

Seungkwan cocked an eyebrow, but you just shrugged. He leaned forward. "Are you saying I don't try new things?"

"Considering your days are always the same." Your eyes flicked up. A smile played on your lips and you slapped his hand lightly. "It's not a bad thing, Seungkwan. Not everyone needs to have an adventurous life."

He stayed silent.

"Maybe that's their way of saying they don't have the right people around them," you said and leaned back with your glass of wine. "Maybe the reason people are chasing the limits is because they're scared to settle down and have enough with the ones closest to them. You never know."

"I didn't know college had made you so wise."

You hid your smile behind the wine, but he saw the corners of your mouth peeking out through the glass.

Seungkwan leaned on his hand and looked at you. "I'm happy to have you back in my non-adventurous, boring life."

"And this time I won't leave." You held your pinky out.

He laced it together with his and pressed a kiss to it.

You were right; he didn't have to lead a thrilling life to be happy, or to make you happy for that matter. In all truth, he was content with where he was. The flower shop was running well and you were back in his life.

Back in his arms.

Seungkwan couldn't remember the last time he looked forward to doing inventory, cleaning the storage or having to order new flowers. His day-to-day tasks became an adventure in itself.

With your bi-weekly visits to the shop, his colleagues were jokingly calling you the mother of the shop. You embraced your new title with open arms, even helping out whenever you had the time.

You were helping to close the shop, dragging the buckets to the back and wiping the floors clean.

Seungkwan couldn't help but admire you as he was finalising his order. When you looked his way, a pool of heat formed in his stomach before spreading through his entire body.

You skipped over to him and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Ready when you are."

He wrapped an arm around you, locking you into his side. He listened as you talked about the event. He smiled when there was a skip in your step, excitement ringing in your voice.

And suddenly, when he looked around him, the world was a little brighter than it was before.

Ela and Mingyu’s apartment - Seoul

Alexys sat across from Ela at their kitchen table, hands wrapped around a mug of tea she hadn’t touched, the positive pregnancy test between them.

“Six weeks,” Ela said quietly. “From the wedding.”

“From the wedding,” Alexys confirmed, her voice shaking. “I don’t know what to do, Ela. I don’t even have his number. I don’t know anything about him except his name and that he went to college with Mingyu.”

“Okay. First, breathe.” Ela reached across the table, taking Alexys’s hand. “Second, we’ll figure this out. Together.”

“How? I had a drunken one-night stand with a stranger at your wedding and now I’m pregnant. There’s no figuring this out—I’m screwed.”

“You’re not screwed. You’re scared. There’s a difference.” Ela pulled out her phone. “Hansol is Mingyu’s friend. I can get his number.”

“And say what? ‘Hi, remember me? We had sex on the beach and now I’m carrying your baby’?”

“Maybe not quite that blunt, but… essentially yes. He deserves to know.”

Alexys’s eyes filled with tears. “What if he doesn’t want anything to do with this? With me?”

“Then we deal with that. But Alexys, I know Hansol. Not well, but enough to know he’s a good person. He’ll step up.”

“You can’t know that.”

“You’re right. I can’t. But hiding this won’t help. And you can’t go through a pregnancy alone.”

Alexys wiped her eyes. “I’m terrified.”

“I know. But you’re also strong. And you’re not alone. I’m here. Mingyu’s here. We’ll support you no matter what.”

“Even if Hansol wants nothing to do with this?”

“Especially then.” Ela squeezed her hand. “But let’s find out first, okay? Let me call Mingyu, get Hansol’s number.”

Alexys nodded shakily. “Okay. But Ela? Can you… can you not tell Mingyu why yet? I want to tell Hansol first.”

“Of course. I’ll just say you need to get in touch with him. Old friend stuff.”

“Thank you.”

Ela stepped into the other room to make the call.

Ela: Hey, husband, random question. Can I have Hansol’s number?

Mingyu: Hansol? Yeah. Why?

Ela: Alexys wanted to get in touch with him. They met at the wedding.

Mingyu: Oh. OH. Did something happen between them?

Ela: I can’t say. Just… can you send me his number?

Mingyu: This is suspicious, my wife

Mingyu: But fine. Sending now.

Mingyu: Tell Alexys good luck with whatever this is and I love you so much. Ela: I love you too!

Ela returned to the kitchen with the number written on a piece of paper.

“Here. Do you want me to stay while you call?”

Alexys stared at the number. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“You can. And you will. Because you’re brave and this baby deserves to have both parents know about them.”

“What if he hangs up?”

“Then fuck that man, I will beat him into a pulp and I'm pretty sure my husband will mentally torture him,” Ela stood. “I’ll give you privacy. But I’m right in the next room if you need me.”

After Ela left, Alexys sat staring at the number for ten more minutes.

Then, hands shaking, she dialed.

Hansol was in a meeting when his phone buzzed with an unknown number.

He normally didn’t answer unknown calls, but something made him excuse himself and step into the hallway.

“Hello?”

“Hansol? Hansol Chwe?”

The voice was vaguely familiar. Female. Nervous.

“Yes? Who is this?”

“It’s Alexys. Alexys Park. We met at Mingyu and Ela’s wedding.”

Hansol’s heart stopped.

He’d thought about that night more times than he wanted to admit. The beautiful woman in the burgundy dress. Her. The beach. The way she’d felt in his arms.

He’d woken up the next morning with a hangover and her gone, and he’d told himself it was for the best. One night. No complications.

Except now she was calling him.

“Alexys,” he said, his voice coming out rougher than intended. “Hi. I… how did you get my number?”

“Mingyu. I'm friends with his wife, I work with her, remember?”

“Right. Of course.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Is everything okay?”

A long pause.

“Can we meet?” she asked. “In person? I need to talk to you about something.”

“Is this about the wedding? Because I want you to know, I don’t normally—I mean, that night was—”

“Please. Can we just meet? There’s something I need to tell you and I can’t do it over the phone.”

The seriousness in her voice made his stomach drop. “Okay. When?”

“Today? I know it’s short notice but this is important.”

“Today’s fine. Where?”

“There’s a coffee shop near Gangnam station. Cafe Momento. Do you know it?”

“I’ll find it. What time?”

“Six? After work?”

“Six works. I’ll be there.”

“Okay. Thank you, Hansol.”

“Alexys? Are you okay? You sound—”

“I’ll explain everything when I see you. Six o’clock.”

She hung up.

Hansol stood in the hallway, his mind racing.

What could she possibly need to tell him that required meeting in person?

A sinking feeling settled in his stomach.

Cafe Momento - 5:55 PM

Alexys arrived early, ordering tea she couldn’t drink, sitting at a corner table where they’d have privacy.

She’d rehearsed this conversation a hundred times. A thousand times. Ela offered to come but she declined, she needs to do this alone.

None of the rehearsals made her less terrified.

At exactly six o’clock, Hansol walked in.

He looked the same as he had at the wedding—tall, handsome, well-dressed in business casual. But his expression was guarded, uncertain.

Their eyes met across the cafe, and Alexys saw the moment recognition hit. His eyes widened slightly, color rising in his cheeks.

He remembered.

Of course he remembered.

He crossed to her table. “Alexys.”

“Hansol. Thank you for coming.”

“Of course.” He sat down across from her, and for a moment they just looked at each other.

“You look good,” he said finally.

“So do you.”

Awkward silence.

“So,” Hansol said. “What did you need to tell me?”

Alexys took a shaky breath. There was no good way to say this. No easy way.

“I’m pregnant.”

Hansol froze. His face went completely blank.

“You’re… what?”

“Pregnant. Six weeks. From the wedding.” She pulled out the test, still in her purse, and set it on the table between them. “It’s yours.”

He stared at the test like it might bite him. “That’s not possible. We used—” He stopped, his face going pale. “We didn’t use protection.”

“No. We didn’t. We were drunk and careless and now—” Her voice broke. “Now I’m pregnant.”

Hansol sat back, running both hands through his hair. “I don’t—this is—are you sure?”

“I’ve taken four tests. All positive. I have a doctor’s appointment next week to confirm, but yes. I’m sure.”

“And it’s definitely mine?”

Alexys’s eyes flashed with anger. “You’re the only person I’ve slept with in over a year, so yes. It’s definitely yours.”

“I didn’t mean—I’m sorry. I’m just trying to process this.”

“You think you’re trying to process it? I found out three days ago and I’ve barely slept since.”

They sat in tense silence.

“What are you going to do?” Hansol asked finally.

“I don’t know. I’m twenty-eight, I have a stable job, I can support a child financially. But I never planned to be a single mother.”

“Single mother? Who said anything about single?”

Alexys looked at him, surprised. “You want to be involved?”

“I—” He stopped, clearly struggling. “I don’t know. This is a lot. But I’m not going to abandon my child. If you’re keeping it—are you keeping it?”

“I think so. Yes. I am.”

“Then we need to figure this out. Together.”

“Together? Hansol, we don’t even know each other. We had one drunken night at a wedding.”

“A night that created a baby. Our baby.” He leaned forward. “Look, I’m not saying I have all the answers. I’m terrified. Completely terrified. But running away isn’t an option.”

“So what are you suggesting?”

“I don’t know. Co-parenting? We get to know each other. Figure out how to raise a child together even if we’re not… together.”

Alexys felt tears prick her eyes. “You’re serious. You actually want to be involved.”

“Of course I’m serious. This is my responsibility too.”

“Most guys would run.”

“I’m not most guys.” He reached across the table, hesitating, then took her hand. “I know this isn’t ideal. I know we barely know each other. But we have seven and a half months to change that. To figure out how to be parents. Together.”

Alexys looked down at their joined hands, and for the first time in three days, felt a tiny spark of hope.

“Okay,” she whispered. “Together.”

“Together.” -

Over the next two weeks, Hansol and Alexys met regularly—coffee shops, restaurants, walks in the park. Getting to know each other under the strangest circumstances imaginable.

“Favorite color?” Hansol asked one afternoon over lunch.

“This feels like a job interview.”

“We’re having a baby together. I should probably know basic things about you.”

“Fair point. Blue. Yours?”

“Green. Favorite food?”

“Korean BBQ. But lately everything makes me nauseous.”

“Morning sickness?”

“All day sickness.” She picked at her rice. “The doctor said it should get better in the second trimester.”

“When’s your next appointment?”

“Friday. They’re doing an ultrasound.” She hesitated. “Do you want to come?”

Hansol’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“It’s your baby too. You should be there if you want.”

“I want. Definitely want.”

Alexys smiled—the first real smile he’d seen from her since the cafe. “Okay. I’ll text you the details.”

The Ultrasound - Friday

Hansol met Alexys at the clinic, his palms sweating.

“Nervous?” she asked.

“Terrified. You?”

“Same.”

In the examination room, the technician had Alexys lie back and squirted gel on her still-flat stomach.

“Let’s see what we’ve got,” the technician said cheerfully, pressing the wand against Alexys’s skin.

The screen flickered, and then—

A tiny blob appeared. With a flickering heartbeat.

“There’s your baby,” the technician said. “About eight weeks along. Heartbeat looks strong.”

Hansol stared at the screen, his throat tight.

That was his baby. His child.

Real. Actually real.

He looked at Alexys and found her crying silently, her eyes locked on the screen.

Without thinking, he took her hand.

She squeezed back.

“Would you like pictures?” the technician asked.

“Yes,” they said in unison.

Outside the clinic, Hansol walked Alexys to her car, both of them clutching ultrasound photos.

“That was…” Alexys started.

“Intense,” Hansol finished. “Seeing it. The heartbeat. It makes it real.”

“More real than the positive tests?”

“Much more real.” He looked at the photo again. “We’re having a baby.”

“We’re having a baby,” she echoed.

They stood in awkward silence.

“Do you want to get dinner?” Hansol asked impulsively. “Like, actual dinner. Not an interview-style getting-to-know-you session. Just… dinner. As two people who are in this together.”

Alexys considered. “Okay. But nowhere with strong smells. My stomach is still iffy.”

“Italian? There’s a place nearby that’s pretty mild.”

“Italian works.”

Dinner was easier than either of them expected.

Maybe it was seeing the ultrasound. Maybe it was finally accepting this was happening. But the conversation flowed naturally—no more awkward interview questions, just talking.

“I’m a graphic designer,” Hansol explained. “Freelance mostly. I work from home a lot.”

“That’s actually perfect for parenting,” Alexys said. “Flexible schedule.”

“I didn’t even think about that.” He paused. “What about you? Ela mentioned you work together?”

“Marketing coordinator. I like it, but the hours can be long. I’ve been trying to figure out how maternity leave will work.”

“Have you told them yet?”

“Not yet. I’m waiting until the second trimester. Just in case—” She stopped.

“In case something goes wrong,” Hansol finished gently.

“Yeah.”

He reached across the table, covering her hand with his. “It won’t. The heartbeat was strong. Everything looked good.”

“You can’t know that.”

“You’re right. But I’m choosing optimism. We’re in this together, remember?”

Alexys looked at their hands, then up at him. “Why are you being so nice about this? Most guys would have run screaming.”

“Maybe I’m not most guys.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because it’s true.” He squeezed her hand. “Look, I’m terrified. I have no idea how to be a father. But that baby—our baby—deserves parents who try. Who show up. I want to be that person.”

“What if we screw this up?”

“Then we screw up together. And we figure it out.” He paused. “My parents split when I was young. My dad wasn’t around much. I don’t want that for our kid.”

“So you’ll stick around? Even though we barely know each other?”

“We have seven months to change that. And a lifetime after.”

Alexys felt something shift in her chest—something warm and unfamiliar.

It's an hour before the party is due to start, and Soonyoung has just turned up at your apartment to get ready together, just like always. He has the parcel of costumes in his arms, and a bright, excited grin on his face when he hands it over to you to allow him to remove his shoes.

“I haven't opened it yet,” he informs, watching you walk over to the couch to lean the parcel against the arm and open it like you know he wants you to. Soonyoung knows you get an odd sense of joy from opening parcels— whether or not they're for you—, so he often brings his orders over or invites you to his apartment to allow you to open them for him.

“So I see,” you muse with a little giggle.

Soonyoung appears at your back a moment later, leaning his chin on your shoulder to peer into the bag as you open it.

The first costume out is his, packaged in another bag, though this one is clear, revealing the cardboard insert with a picture of a man donning the costume on the front. He takes it happily when you offer it and bounces aside to start to open it excitedly.

There's only one more item in the bag, your costume, so you take it out, as excited about your matching pirate outfits as Soonyoung is. Up until you turn the packet over to look at the picture and realise that this truly is not what you expected. Especially not from your best friend.

“What the actual fuck, Kwon Soonyoung?!” you demand, flabbergasted.

“Uh-oh, the full name.” Soonyoung looks up at you in alarm, all signs of joy gone. “Did they send the wrong thing?”

“I hope so, because if you saw this on the site and still ordered it, you and I are going to have some issues.” You turn the packet to show him the picture on the cardboard insert.

A picture of a woman in a tiny pair of high-waisted shorts— if they can even be considered that— with fishnet tights underneath. There's an attempt at a white top that honestly could be a lot worse; it's off the shoulder and cropped, but it's not as bad as it could be for a female-focused costume, yet still far too revealing for your liking. To finish it off, she's wearing a striped bandana on her head, and grasping a plastic sword in her hands. You're very certain that the sword alone is the only reason the packet is this big, because there's certainly not enough material creating the costume to require such a size bag.

Soonyoung stares at the picture for a second, then looks up at you with a confused little pout. “It's a pirate outfit.”

“Show me yours,” you demand with a sigh. He doesn't hesitate to move over and hand you his costume, still just about in the packet.

There's a very clear difference in costumes. The picture on this packet depicts a man in three-quarter length, vertically striped, trousers; and a simple, white shirt with an open neckline, revealing a thin, triangular strip of skin down to his sternum. It’s finished with the same bandana as your costume, and a plastic sword. Though, the man's sword is a lot bigger than the woman's sword. Of course, the men get the big boy sword and the women get the toothpick.

“You seriously don't see a problem with this?” you ask, holding the two packets side by side so that he can see the photos together.

Poor, naive Soonyoung looks between the pictures rapidly in a desperate attempt to understand. Yet he winds up just shaking his head as he looks at you with such an innocent expression that you know that he seriously doesn't understand the problem here at all.

“Then you can wear this one,” you declare while handing him the woman's outfit, before turning to stalk off to your bedroom.

“What?!” he sputters, scrambling to follow you down the short corridor. “This is for women!”

“You've said before; clothes have no gender!” you remind, turning at the threshold with a hand on your open door ready to close it, and a sweet smile on your face. “If you want to match with me, Soonyoungie, you wear that, and I'll wear this.”

He stares between you and the packet in his hand for a moment before agreeing with a nod and a simple “Okay.”

And that right there, is your second mistake.

When you had told Soonyoung to wear that outfit, you really hadn’tbeen prepared for how fucking good he'd look in the skimpy little outfit. Now, you have to spend the next hours at Seungkwan's bustling apartment pretending that your gaze isn't constantly locating Soonyoung in the dim lighting as he happily dances amongst other costumed bodies.

Sure, you've seen Soonyoung topless before, so you know the man has a frankly incredible body— usually hidden under the baggy clothes that he prefers to wear—, but the sexy little pirate outfit highlights his strong torso and biceps so well.

The cropped top stops at his sternum, giving full view of the top half of his defined abs, the bottom half hidden by the high waist of the shorts. And those shorts? They really do not leave a lot to the imagination at all. Soonyoung has spent the entire night so far carefully doing his best to keep the sword strapped around his hips carefully located to dangle in front of his crotch to keep some of his dignity.

You had obligingly given him the bigger sword when you had realised that the 'woman's' sword wasn't exactly wide enough to cover him. Neither of you had made eye contact when you handed it over without a word, because you both knew what it meant; that you had obviously seen the bulge of his flaccid dick in the tight shorts. Which, honestly, had only made you wonder how big he is when hard, and that is a thought that you usually try to avoid, thinking of your best friend in a sexual situation.

Though his pure existence alone makes it very hard. No pun intended.

Kwon Soonyoung doesn't realise how attractive he is, and you're kind of grateful about it. Because if that unfairly effortlessly attractive man knows how hot he is, then you know he'll be cocky and dress to show off more often than just for nights out or special occasions, and you would not mentally survive that.

As it is, you're not sure you'll survive tonight.

“One day, you two are going to stop being stupid and just fuck it out,” Chan comments from your right where he stands in his doctor's outfit. Seungkwan's wearing a matching one somewhere else in the apartment and you really can't tell if it's intentional or not with those two. They're always bickering and acting like they hate each other, but they're always the first the other goes to for any reason whatsoever.

“Please make it before the end of summer so I don't lose money,” Seungcheol requests from your left, leaning against the wall with you, and dressed in a suit just like his own best friend and roommate, wherever she has disappeared to. She's likely with Junhui, based on the way the pair have been eyeing each other for the past hour— and since they met really, but that's another story entirely.

“You assholes have bets on us fucking?” you gawp in betrayed disbelief at the suited man.

“Yup,” Seungcheol confirms shamelessly, while Chan tries to sputter out a denial that makes you level the youngest with an unimpressed look.

However, it doesn't last because you hear Soonyoung's loud voice, even over the music, and automatically look over to where your best friend is trying to stop Seokmin from grabbing at his sword. No euphemism, even if the plastic is in the right place.

“Looks like Seok's going to get further with your boy than you ever have,” Seungcheol sniggers. You shove his arm, making him laugh harder.

“Swordplay,” Chan giggles to himself, then wanders off without another word to refill his cup after swallowing the last of its contents.

“Seriously though, you should, like, go fuck him,” Seungcheol says a moment later, when Soonyoung has successfully distracted Seokmin by grabbing the younger's hands to make him dance with him. Soonyoung shoots you a world-weary, wide-eyed look that makes you snicker and wave innocently at him.

“You really don't want to lose money, huh?”

“It's not even about that, just… you two. This has been going on for over a year now; this gross pining shit. Just sit on his dick and ask him on a date; it's not that hard.”

“You can't say shit, Cheol,” you remind.

“Hey, I've fucked her, regularly,” he defends with a pout before sipping at his drink.

“Oh yeah, because fucking your best friend who you've been in love with since childhood while encouraging her to go after your friend, who she's been mutually eye-fucking for the past three months, is so much better,” you retort sarcastically and give him a look.

He can't refute it at all, it's entirely true, and he's confided in you enough for you both to know that he's constantly making his own heartbreak worse by continuing to indulge his best friend, both in bed and when she comes home and whines over how good Junhui looks.

“We're as bad as each other,” he decides after a second.

“Don't lump me with you. I've never fucked him.” You scoff and turn back around to naturally locate Soonyoung where he's back to smiling away as he dances with Seokmin and some others.

“You want to.”

“Yeah, I really fucking do,” you exhale, and then swallow down the last of your drink, only to frown down into the empty disposable cup. “I need a real drink.”

“You know you can't drink around him like this or you will ask to suck his dick,” Seungcheol reminds you of the very reason why you're always the designated driver when Soonyoung dresses up.

Because yes, you have come close to getting on your knees in the middle of a club for him. Luckily, Seungcheol had noticed and took you home before you actually acted on the urge to publicly defile your best friend. Unluckily, Seungcheol had noticed and hasn’t failed to mention it at every chance. But at least it's stayed between the two of you.

“At this rate, I'll do it regardless,” you mutter, still frowning into your empty cup. “Back in a bit.” Seungcheol just grunts to show he heard before you slump off to the kitchen to refill your cup with one of the non-alcoholic beverages lining the counter.

You've barely finished filling your cup when a familiar hand reaches around you and picks it up to start gulping down. Even though you know it's Soonyoung, you still look over your right shoulder where he's chugging down the drink, entirely unaware of your thirsty gaze watching the drop of liquid that escapes from the corner of his mouth trail down over his chin and jaw, and down his neck to catch on his collar bone. You refrain from leaning in to slurp it up and lick your way up the trail it left all the way to Soonyoung's mouth. Even if you really want to do just that, and more. Much more.

Instead of staring at the way his throat bobs as he swallows down the last drops, you turn back around and wait for him to place the cup down so that you can refill it. And then he grabs it again before you can, making you groan in complaint. “Seriously?"”

“M'thirsty,” he defends, barely pulling the cup away and accidentally dribbling some of the liquid from his mouth onto your shoulder. You look at him in disgust. He just grins sweetly and kisses your cheek in a sticky, apologetic way before leaning back up to get back to his task of once again, stealing your drink.

At least this time when you've refilled the cup, he doesn't steal it away and lets you actually lift it to your own mouth. You can feel his eyes on you as you drink, so you side-eye him questioningly without moving the cup away.

“Are you taking Seungcheol home again?” he asks, stepping closer to you as someone passes too close behind him; his left hand falls to your hip and his right onto the counter, sort of caging you in, though you know it's unintentional— even if you wish it wasn't.

“He can take himself home, he's not drinking tonight,” you reply, distracted by the feeling of plastic pressing against you. “Your sword is digging into my ass.”

Soonyoung lets go of the counter to tug his sword belt around and lays the toy on the outside of his left thigh, leaving him pressed directly against you. You genuinely can't tell if he's even noticed that as he seems to be focused on the conversation, judging by the concentrated furrow of his eyebrows. “That's not what I mean and you know it.”

“If I know it, wouldn't I respond to what you mean?” You give him a look; puzzled by his words, and hoping he understands that you seem to very much not be having the same conversation here, and you are completely unaware of the conversation he's having with you.

“Not when you're both pretending nothing's happening.”

“What?” You nudge him back enough so that you can turn and face him, which admittedly, is not your smartest move when he moves straight back in. He doesn't press against you again, but his left foot is between both of yours as you lean your ass back against the counter. Any closer and his thigh will be very close to pressing to your crotch.

“Come on, I'm your best friend, I think you should at least be honest with me, even if you play ignorant with the others.” He frowns and leans heavier onto his right hand on the counter beside your hip, bringing him in closer so that he doesn't have to talk so loudly to be heard over the music. “You two often leave together when we go out. And even though his place is closer than mine, you drop me off first so it's just you two left. I'm not stupid.”

“Wait, you think that's so we can go fuck?” you realise with wide eyes.

“It's obvious; you always find each other when we're all together like this and spend the whole fucking night hiding off to the side whispering to each other.”

You can't help but laugh. “Do you all think we're fucking?” He nods in confirmation. You laugh again. “Oh man, I gotta tell Cheolie this.” You start to push off the counter with every intention of going to find the older man, knowing he will find it as hilarious as you do, but Soonyoung puts his left hand on your lower stomach to push you back, and then he pushes himself against you to pin you there. “Soonyoung–”

“No.”

“What? No? No what?"”

“I'm not letting you go back to him. You came with me, you're staying with me, and leaving with me, no one else,” he declares firmly.

You stare up at him trying to decipher what the fuck is actually going on right now; what prompted this sudden conversation and behaviour. Not that Soonyoung has never pinned you before, but it's usually playful as he whines and pouts cutely to get his way, or to just joke around. But he's entirely serious now and looking at you with something kind of dark in his eyes.

Admittedly, it's pretty fucking hot.

“Are you drunk?” you ask, even if you know he's not; you can't smell any alcohol on him, and drunk Soonyoung gets cuddly and clingy, not whatever this is.

“You know I'm not.” He places his left hand on the counter on your other side, well and truly caging you in, and causing him to lean down a little closer to reach comfortably.

“Then why are you suddenly acting like this?”

“It's not sudden.” You give him a look. “Okay, fine, acting on it is; but wanting to, that's not sudden. I've wanted to do this for a long time.”

“Then why haven't you?”

“Because I care about you too much.” He frowns a little as he takes in your features from up close, gaze catching on your lips for a few seconds before lifting back up to meet your eyes. “There's a bet, you know, about us fucking?”

“I just found out.” You pull a displeased expression. “Cheol's in on that, you know? He wouldn't bet on us fucking before the end of summer if he's fucking me.”

“He is?” He raises his eyebrows in surprise. “They made it sound like he's against the bet; said he's been trying to stop them from talking me into it.”

“Yeah, no, he just told me to fuck you. He's always telling me to fuck you.”

“Oh.” He licks his lips as his eyes divert thoughtfully. “Guess I should stop being a dick to him then.”

“You've been a dick to him?” you ask, genuinely surprised. You really haven't noticed Soonyoung acting badly towards Seungcheol at all.

“Mm, I always take his favourite snacks at movie night.”

You can't help but burst into giggling laughter at his confession. Of course, the man doesn't have a single genuinely mean bone in his body and would think purposely taking someone's favourite snacks would be a giant dick move. You bet he's been feeling kind of guilty about it while, no doubt, Seungcheol hasn't even noticed.

“What? why're you laughing?” He pouts at you.

“Oh, Soonie, you're so fucking cute,” you coo and cup his cheeks fondly. He smiles a little dopily at the compliment; the same smile he reserves for you and your doting attention on him, even if neither of you have noticed that. The rest of your friends have though.

“Nice ass,” you hear before Soonyoung's hips jerk into you when he yelps and tries to escape the slap that lands on his ass.

“Hey!” he complains, looking over his shoulder to pout at Jeonghan as the man appears from behind your best friend.

You really can't tell exactly what Jeonghan is supposed to be; you think it's some kind of anime character, or something kinky. Maybe both. Either way, his costume is a strange mix of faux black leather, and shimmery red, lacy wings. And he pulls it off unfairly well, considering that you know he hadn't been prepared for the party this morning at all.

“What? Don't look at me like I'm disturbing something,” Jeonghan scoffs, reaching around you to grab the same big plastic bottle you had been filling your cup from. Though he stops and looks at the way Soonyoung is very much pressed against you. Jeonghan grins after noticing that Soonyoung's crotch is definitely smushed against your upper thigh; something you have been doing your best to ignore yourself because yes you can feel everything through the thin material covering you both. “Or maybe I am.” He smirks at you both.

“What are you supposed to be exactly?” you ask in an attempt to change the topic to one that won't kill your last remaining dregs of sanity. Then again, with the things that come out of Yoon Jeonghan's mouth, you could still be rendered insane, but for a reason other than feeling your best friend's dick pressed against you.

“No idea, just grabbed some shit from Hao's costume closet.” Jeonghan shrugs as he looks down at himself. “Kind of think this might be less about his costume designing and more about sex though.”

“He's definitely worn that harness while fucking someone,” you agree, and reach out to hook your finger over the thick horizontal strap over Jeonghan's chest. You're pretty sure it's directly over his nipples, but the slightly sheer tank top he's wearing underneath the harness kind of obscures your view enough that you don't have confirmation.

“Mm, definitely,” Jeonghan agrees, and smirks at you. “Want to take it home yourself?”

“And take it from you? I wouldn't dare, you look so handsome, Hannie,” you coo, playing along with the flirty banter you two have always partaken in. Not because anything has ever happened between you, nor will it; you've discussed it plenty of times to make sure you're both on the same page. But it's just fun to harmlessly flirt.

“Never said I won't be wearing it.” He licks his lips and gives you a suggestive look.

“You're not going home with her,” Soonyoung argues firmly, crowding up against you further; though his gaze is on Jeonghan in warning, so he misses the way your eyes widen and dart down to where Soonyoung is now pressing his dick against your hip with his own thigh pressing up between your thighs. Jeonghan doesn't miss it though and cackles, leaving without another word with his cup and the entire bottle of drink clasped in his hands.

“S–Soonyoung,” you stammer, hands fluttering at his sides, wanting to push him back for your sanity, but you think putting your hands on his exposed skin will just make you pull him closer.

“Do you have to flirt with him all the time?” He frowns at you, entirely unaware of the screaming in your mind; mostly just sounds with the odd yell of the word penis. He'd probably laugh if he heard it, to be honest, just because of the word penis. He wouldn't even realise it's his penis you're mentally screaming about. “And when I'm right here too. Did you forget I'm here or something?”

“No,” you choke out.

“Then why– are you okay?” He suddenly realises how wide your eyes are.

“I can feel your dick,” you blurt, unable to think of anything else.

He blinks at you for a moment, then looks down at where he's pressed against you as if he hasn't even noticed until now. “Oh.” He pulls his hips back, and his thigh from between yours, making you let out a heavy, shaky exhale as your body relaxes a little. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“Ha, not the word I'd use.”

“What word would you use?”

If he was any other man, you'd say the little quirk of his head and innocent eyes locked onto you is fake; just some kind of game, a way to flirt. But it's Kwon Soonyoung, and you've seen this man miss the most obvious of flirtations since you've known him. The number of times you or the guys have had to bluntly tell him that someone had been trying to take him home to fuck, is frankly absurd.

“Stop touching my ass!” his sudden exclamation makes you jump a little, while he looks over his shoulder in annoyance, glaring at Seungkwan, who's giving him an innocent look.

“I'm very happy that you two are finally doing something about your consistent sexual tension and mutual pining, but take it out of my kitchen, please. I don't want to have to burn my home down if you defile my counters,” the younger man speaks bluntly with a slightly sweet edge to his words. You can't even see him, but you just know that he's got that too sweet smile on his face that always feels more threatening than anything.

“What?” Soonyoung blinks at him puzzled as the annoyance of his ass being grabbed melts away. “We're not doing anything.”

“Hannie told me you're being possessive, and we all know that she likes that, so–”

“Hey!” you exclaim offendedly, not because you can argue it, but just more that you're being talked about like you're not here. “She has a name!”

“Well, take Soonie home and he can moan it for the neighbours to hear.” Seungkwan gives you that sweet-threatening smile as he leans around Soonyoung to meet your gaze. “My neighbours don't want to hear it.”

“My neighbours won't hear that,” you scoff.

Soonyoung can't help but frown; he feels like he's just been rejected, even though he hadn't even gotten to the point of actually asking to take you home and fuck you like he wants to, like your mutual friends had convinced him you want him to. But your firm dismissal of Seungkwan's words sounds like you putting that boundary securely in place before he can even ask to tumble over it into your arms.

“He's loud–” Seungkwan starts to point out, but you're not done talking, even if you had taken a quick scoff break.

“I don't live in a cheap-ass building with paper for walls like you do, Kwannie,” you finish.

Both men stare at you for a second; Seungkwan at first just blinks in surprise at the fact you're not even disputing the Soonyoung moaning your name part, just whether or not your neighbours will hear. And Soonyoung is full-on gawping at you, mouth open and eyes wide, wondering if this means that boundary even exists between you.

“Does that mean you won't get a noise complaint? He’s pretty loud, you know? There's a reason we don't live together anymore.”

“I don't know,” you reply with a shrug.

“Then go fucking home already and stop humping against my kitchen counter!” Seungkwan grabs Soonyoung by his hips to yank him backwards away from you, while the scantily dressed pirate yelps and flails a little at the unexpected action. Then he's shoved towards the kitchen exit while Seungkwan grabs your wrist to tug you along.

You're both too genuinely dumbstruck by Seungkwan's sudden, forceful actions to do anything but stumble along until you're both outside of the apartment, shoes in hands, and staring in shock at the door that's just been shut in your faces.

“Did we just get kicked out?” you mutter.

Soonyoung nods slowly and then looks at you. “I think we got kicked out for sex.”

“Is it still sexile if you're the ones getting kicked out and told to go elsewhere to fuck?” you muse, attention downwards as you focus on shoving your feet into your shoes with one hand on the wall behind you, and the other out in the air pointlessly.

“Uh, reverse sexile?” he offers, dropping his shoes to shove his feet into.

“Sounds like a sex position.”

He laughs. “What would that even look like?”

“No idea.” You grin at him, then figure that, well, it seems like you've both been outed enough already, seeing as all of your friends have stopped hiding the fact that they expect you to finally have sex, which really implies a mutual attraction. So, you suck your bottom lip into your mouth for a second as he frowns down at his shoe that just will not accept his right foot for some reason. “Shall we go find out?”

Immediately, Soonyoung looks up at you with wide eyes. “What?”

“Shall we go find out what reverse sexile looks like?”

“Like...us?”

“Yeah, Soonyoung, us,” you confirm with an amused twitch of your lips. “You said you're the only one to go home with me, right?” He nods. “Then let's go home and find out, Soonie.”

“Ye–no, wait.” He steps closer and takes your hand gently before you can start walking down the hall to the staircase. His fingers are barely holding onto your own. It's perhaps the most cautious he's ever taken your hand into his. Even the very first time you held hands, he had boldly laced your fingers together, and you had only met ten minutes previously.

“No?” you ask, feeling really kind of stupid all of a sudden. You had been so unusually confident in asking him to go home and fuck you.

“Not because I don't want to because I do seriously, I really want to fuck you,” he breathes out, sounding rather affected by the thought alone as he stares at you longingly and holds your hand a little more securely. “I just...I don't want it to wind up like Seungcheol.”

“Uh, what about Seungcheol?” You shuffle a little closer while giving him a questioning look.

“Regularly fucking his best friend who has a crush on someone else, while he...while he wants her as more than just company in his bed.” The way his expression turns serious and yearning makes your heart start to race a little with hope. 

“While he...Are you saying you want more?” you ask quietly.

“Earlier, when I said I care about you too much, I meant I care too much to be able to have sex with you if it means nothing. I really fucking like you, and I don't want to go home with you like this if you don't feel the same. I can't do that.” He shakes his head a little. “As much as I've thought about this, about you and me doing all kinds of kinky shit all over your apartment, and mine when Jihoon isn't there. Or when he is, if you're into exhibitionism; I don't know your kinks, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even notice anyway because he never leaves his fucking room, an–” He's rambling at this point, frowning down at your connected hands as he talks.

“Soonyoung.” He makes a soft hum of a noise as he looks back up at you with rounded eyes. “We can talk kinks later, I'd really like to get back to the matter of it sounds like you're confessing to me?”

“Oh, right yeah, I guess I am.” He chuckles a little and nervously scratches the back of his neck with his free hand. “So, uh, yeah, I really like you and uhm, I guess now comes the part where, hopefully, you say you like me back; but I really don't know if you do because the guys just really said you want to fuck me, and–” You cover his mouth with your hand this time to shut up his second bout of nervous rambling.

“I really like you too, Soonie,” you confirm softly, and giggle at the way his features light up adorably behind your palm. “Can we skip the trial dating bullshit and go straight to being together? I'd like to show you off as my boyfriend.” His eyes widen dramatically, and then he's nodding rapidly in agreement without dislodging your hand. “You're so cute,” you coo, and lean in just to press a kiss to the back of your hand over his mouth. He looks utterly betrayed and heartbroken when you lean back. “What?” You play innocent and lower your hand while backing up, lacing your fingers behind your back.

“You can't tease me like that, baby!” he whines, toddling after you, and dragging his feet in a sulk as he moves along the carpeted flooring of the hall.

“Tease? Me? Never.” You grin at him, then stop as your back hits the door to the staircase.

“You are. Teased me for the past year. Teasing me now,” he continues to mumble away as he nears, though cuts off when you reach out to grab the sword and yank on the plastic to pull him in right up against you. His hands automatically fly up to catch himself on the door above your head while his breath catches in his throat. 

“If you're so worried I'm going to keep teasing you, Soonie, you better hurry up and take what you want,” you warn in a low voice, chin tilted up so your faces are only inches apart.

Soonyoung groans in the back of his throat before he leans down and seals his lips against yours in a hungry, desperate kiss. He presses his left forearm flat against the door beside your head, so that he can firmly hold your jaw with his right hand and tilt you further into him with his thumb pushing on your chin to urge your mouth open wider and deepen the kiss in a manner much too filthy for a public hallway of your friend's apartment building.

“Oh, for fucks sake!” the loud voice of the friend in question forces you both apart, to peer over Soonyoung's shoulder to where Seungkwan is in the hallway with the cute neighbour he's recently started to date, their hands clasped together, and clearly with one intention in mind while sneaking away from his own party. They're standing outside of the neighbour's slightly open door, but Seungkwan is staring at you and Soonyoung in disbelief. “I told you to go home! Not get your booty here!”

“Ha, booty, pirate joke,” you snigger, and Soonyoung giggles; both at your amusement, and the pun he honestly hadn't even noticed.

“You two are fucking useless,” Seungkwan decides, and lets his neighbour tug him into the apartment. “You better be gone before I'm back!”

“90 seconds, right?!" Soonyoung calls as Seungkwan disappears. The younger's head pops back out to glare at the other and flip him a very heartfelt middle finger before the door actually shuts behind him that time. Soonyoung turns to look at you with a mischievous smirk. “Should we go fuck on his bed just to piss him off?”

“As tempting as that sounds, I'd rather only I hear you like that, Soonie.” You pout at him cutely. “I'm not very good at sharing my toys, you know.”

“Oh, I'm your toy now?” he muses, reaching down to open the door carefully and back you through it with his other arm wrapping around your waist.

“Mm, mine and only mine to play with when I want, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, yours and yours only, baby,” he agrees lowly. “And you're mine.”

“I am,” you confirm, and tilt up to kiss him teasingly. “Let's hurry and get home so I can show you everything that now belongs to you.”

Soonyoung really doesn’t need any further encouragement and enthusiastically rushes out with his hand locked in yours and excitement on his face. He’s more than ready to unveil your body little by little and discover all of the sweet spots that make you loud enough that your neighbours will know his name before the night is over, thick walls be dammed.

Don't forget to reblog if you liked to help spread the story and let others read it too! And don't be shy to leave comments or send an ask so I can see your thoughts 🥺 💖

Permanent taglist: @okiedokrie, @svtiddiess, @codeinebelle, @jaja-salute

He smirks at his word thrown back at him. "I mean, if he kissed you, it's not a problem to him."

"He might have been too exhausted to think through it fully."

You get another unimpressed expression from Jeonghan. He hands you a dustcloth.

"What?"

"If you're going to bother me with this, at least work while we talk."

You don't mind dusting bookshelves and books, it's soothing. Jeonghan's complete disinterest or concern about the uneven dynamic between you and Mingyu is less soothing.

"You know what?" you say, after an hour of talking yourself in circles. "It was only a kiss. He probably thinks nothing of it. It'll never happen again, and it's just a blip. A fluke."

You throw the dustcloth at Jeonghan's head when he snorts.

When Wednesday comes back round, you are more nervous than you were after your explosion on Mingyu outside the arcade. This is more guilt heaped on top of desire, cut with shame.

You are his boss. You are his employer and despite that, you desperately want him to kiss you again.

First kisses are nearly always awkward. Two mouths that don't know each other, that have different rhythms and styles. It should not go perfectly on first attempt.

Of course Mingyu would be the exception.

You've planted yourself in the liquor store room, hoping the tedious process of checking inventory will push your nerves out of mind. The bottles upon bottles of so many colors and shades is visually distracting.

But then, as you mark that you'll need two boxes of Titos this next shipment, you hear the back door open and close, the jostling of two buoyant male voices. You freeze, but try and focus on the shelf of cordials.

"Helloooo," Jungkook pops his head in through the open doorway. "Are we low on anything?"

"No, we're good." Business, business. Mingyu sticks his head in, standing next to Jungkook and you gulp, heart jumping to 120 beats a minute. "Um, maybe run a special on a bourbon cocktail? I want to get rid of that Wild Turkey bourbon, so we can pull in some better brands."

"Bourbon. Perfect." Jungkook ducks under Mingyu's arm to head toward the front of house and the bar.

You can feel his gaze as you go back to counting the bottles of Baileys.

"Madam boss…you good?"

"Of course, I'm good." You force a casual smile to your lips, looking up to reassure him. "Are—" you voice cracks and you clear your throat. "Are you well?"

A smile plays on his lips. "Yeah."

"Good." You swallow and look away though it kills you. His hair is messy today, he must have washed and slept on it; fluffy and soft.

"Good." The warmth in his voice makes your skin heat, but by the time you allow yourself to look back up, he's gone.

Right. That's good. Business as usual.

When you come out, about two hours after opening, you realize you forgot (how could you) that tonight is another theme night.

All of your copper mule mugs are littered along the bar. There's a plushie horse's head on a pole, a child's riding toy. A few of your patrons are wearing large, ostentatious hats. Like the ones from…

You pick up one of the empty used mugs and sniff.

Mint Juleps. The theme is the Kentucky Derby.

"Want one?" Mingyu pops up at the end of the bar where you are stationed. His nearness makes your heart speed up all over again.

"Absolutely not. Those are disgusting."

He grins at your wrinkled nose. "Agreed, but they're going over very well." He pulls a large pink hat with netting from a stack under the bar. "Want this instead?"

"No thank you. I don't really have the outfit to balance it out."

He laughs and crossing his arms to rest on the wood next to you. Forearms all on display for your eyes. "That hasn't stopped them." He nods down the bar to where Seokmin and Soonyoung wear a blue and red versions of the very hat in front of you. The rest of their clothing is their usual wear; jeans, t-shirts, sweaters and windbreakers.

"Where did all these hats come from?"

"The high school's costume closet." He watches you for a moment. "You come out just to check on us?"

You look away from the big hats to him.

Oh no.

You recognize that look.

It's from Saturday night.

When he kissed you.

"Of course. I always do. Why else would I leave the delights of my Quickbooks software?"

He inclines a bit more toward you. You hold your breath.

"That's it?"

You nod, too emphatically to be believable. "That's it." You tear your gaze from him, back to the rest of the pub. "You look like you both are fine. Do either of you need a break?"

"We've got it taken care of, madam boss." He has straightened up and put more space between the two of you. "Don't forget to eat something."

"Promise." You did forget to have dinner a lot of the time. Hurrying away is absolutely cowardly of you, and you'll scold yourself later for it. But he's too close, smells too good (even around the alcohol and customers), looks too wonderful.

It's safer in the back.

"Hey."

You jump up at his voice, banging your knee on your desk. "Ow. Mingyu…is everything okay?" You glance at the time on your computer. It's not closing time yet. You haven't missed that, but you've been staring blankly at the screen for the last hour.

"Everything's fine," he says, walking into the office. "Sorry to worry you. It's my break. I was checking on you."

"You don't have to do that." You rub your knee and wince.

"I don't have to, but I like to." He plops in his usual spot, on the arm of the chair, before looking around. "You finish the receipts I was doing?"

"Yes. Thank you for what you did. It was a big help." You keep standing, hands stacking papers as though looking busy will make it easier to reference last Saturday night. You point to your half-empty plate. "I ate."

"Good."

"Do you want something? I can go ask the kitchen to—" You turn to head that way.

"Madam boss, are you avoiding me?"

You freeze. "I'm not."

"Turn around and say that again. With feeling." If it wasn't for the humor in his voice, you'd bristle at the words. You do turn around.

"I'm not avoiding you."

He stands, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "You sure? Feels like it."

"Maybe it's just your ego."

He shrugs. "Maybe a little." He takes a few steps toward you. The open office door is at your back and you really don't want to walk out into the hallway where anyone can see you two. "You know, I didn't text you since Saturday, cause I figured you were freaking out and I wanted to let you do that. Let you get all that out of your system."

"What?"

He stops a foot away, bending down (stupid height) so your faces are as close as they were Saturday night.

"Should I have messaged you? Told you I was thinking about you?" He lets his nose touch yours. "Told you that any weird excuse you come up with for why I kissed you is completely wrong?"

Your lips part. "You were exhausted and therefore like being drunk, you didn't know what you were doing?"

He rolls his eyes, but doesn't move back. "You and I have been around enough drunk people to know, they know exactly what they're doing…it's just hazy. And yeah," He puts a finger on your lips when you try to speak. "I was tired, but I knew exactly what I was doing. Any other explanations?"

"You thought I was someone else?"

His eyes go dark when you say that, his finger still on your lips. "Never." He drops his finger and closes the distance, the touch of his lips on yours slight. It's a tease beyond tease.

"Mingyu." Your voice is needy and you hate yourself for it, but he's inches away, looking at you with those beautiful brown eyes, humor and want lighting them. "I don't understand."

"Hmmmmm," he draws it out, again letting his mouth graze yours. You lurch forward, kissing him without a thought in your head minus HIM, all capitals, in blinking neon lights. He's laughing against your lips, but it's not mean. Not with his arms curling around you, chests meeting.

How does he radiate so much heat all the time?

He pulls you away from the doorway, in the office far enough that he can close the door, pressing you back against it.

"I. Want. You."

You blink at him, as though he speaks a different language. "You do?"

"Oh you are so smart and so not sometimes," he says easily and warmly that it takes you a moment to catch the insult.

"Hey, that's not—"

He kisses you, rendering you speechless and dissipating your umbrage (he's not wrong though). You're grateful for the door because the moment his tongue finds yours, your knees buckle. Your hands seek his hair, carding through, relishing the soft and silky feel. His hand cups your face and the other slides to your hip, and dart underneath the hem of your shirt. You shudder at his fingertips on your skin.

"Sensitive," he whispers. "Are you sensitive other places?"

You blink open your eyes. "Huh?"

The same hand drifts up, finding the bottom edge of your bra. "Here? You sensitive here?" There's still a smirk playing on those devastating lips and if you weren't so far gone on this man, you'd be annoyed with his arrogance.

He doesn't expect an answer, not that you have one because your body thrums like a plucked harp string. Fingers slip under your bra to the delicate skin reverently. His hand is warm, a little rough, but pleasant…decadent as he gently squeezes, thumb dragging over your nipple.

You arch against the door.

"Easy, madam boss."

The teasing appellation sends a shock of ice through you. What are you doing?

"GYU!"

You both hear Jungkook through the door all the way from the bar.

"Need a hand out here!"

You pull his hand out and move around him as quickly as possible. "You ought to see if he's okay."

Mingyu says your name, but you don't turn around.

"Please go back on the floor."

There's a sigh. "Fine. But we're discussing this later." The door to your office opens and closes. You turn around to make sure he's gone. The lack of his presence is both relieving, but also painful.

This can't be dismissed as a fluke.

Despite that you'd rather go home then have to face him, or anyone in the bar tonight, you still come out at your usual twenty minutes until closing. There are a few stragglers, and Jungkook is cashing them out.

Mingyu is collecting glasses and pauses when he sees you. "Hey."

"Hi. I'll start on the floors."

"Oh but—"

"I'll get the floors." You hate sweeping and mopping, but you figure you deserve the punishment right now. You go to collect the broom and dustpan, starting in the far corner where people are not located. You're so focused on it that it takes you a moment, or several to realize that there's raised voices.

You look over to see that your bartenders are dealing with a pair of belligerent drunks, most likely kids from the university a town over. When one swings at Mingyu (never mind that Mingyu easily avoids the fist), that's when you pull out your cell to call the sheriff.

"It's okay," Jungkook tells you. "We got them. We can take them over there." The station isn't far; nothing is that far in Carats Ridge. Then he and Mingyu look around as the two drunks in their charge start to protest. You watch as Mingyu pulls one's arms behind him, holding his wrists together like a makeshift binding.

You are delusional, truly, because you think it's hot.

"I can finish the closing up, guys. Just go home after you drop them off."

"No, we can't—" Mingyu starts, but you cut him off.

"You're both doing me a favor, taking the trash out like this. I'll finish up. Good work." You move to open the front doors for them. Jungkook has his customer in a headlock and is laughing. Mingyu stops at the threshold.

"I don't—"

"It's all good, Mingyu. I'll clock you both out. Get home a little earlier tonight." You smile up at him. "I appreciate it."

He looks like he wants to say more, but the guy he's escorting starts trying to escape again, so he holds his arms more firmly, and continues to the sidewalk in front of the pub. He watches you as you shut the door and you know that what happened earlier won't be shoved under the rug. You both will have to address it eventually.

But not tonight.

You finish the floor, wipe down the tables and put up the chairs. You look over the bar area, but they apparently got that taken care of first. You check the front door again to make sure it's locked before heading to your office. When you grab your bag, your face heats with the memory of his hands and mouth, but you push it away as you turn off the lights.

It's later than you usually leave, but closing by oneself takes twice as long.

Liquor store room locked. Lights and all stoves off in the kitchen.

You let out a sigh, already missing the work because when you're working, you don't have to think much. Or you can only think about the work you are doing. Not…not anything else.

You wonder if you can metaphorically flog yourself when you get home.

You open the back door, curse the pouring rain, and set the door to lock automatically.

"Hey."

The sound you make is on par with some sort of small yappy dog.

"For fuck's sake, Mingyu. Are you insane? I have pepper spray in my bag."

He grins sheepishly, standing under one of the eaves of the pub. "Probably no good there because you didn't even try to grab it." His hair is damp, hanging in his eyes.

You close the back door and check it to make sure it's locked. "Well, now that I know someone might be waiting right outside the back door, I'll make sure to walk out with it in hand."

He leans against the building, arms crossed, but shoulders relaxed.

"Um." It now settles into your mind that it's Mingyu here. In front of you. Only hours after— "Did everything go okay at the station? Do I need to make a statement?"

"Everything's fine. And no. No statement." He waves a hand like handling antagonistic sots is no big deal. "They got real docile when they put handcuffs on them." He straightens up. "I thought I might miss you."

You close your eyes and take a deep deep breath. Opening your eyes, you begin: "So, what happened today was—"

"Not enough."

You had a speech. Or at least some fragments of a speech.

"You can't say that."

His slow-growing grin absolutely decimates you, and your self-control.

"I can't? I can't tell you that seeing your eyes all glassy from want, wanting me, didn't just whet my appetite for you?" He reaches out and pulls you close, hands on your upper arms, gentle but firm. "How knowing that you're probably still thinking about me, a room away while I'm at the bar made me want to let Kook handle the crowd and lock you and me in that office until we're both spent. Until we both are satisfied."

Can you combust from only his words? From the sheer amount of desire his words and his presence incite? Spontaneously turn to flame despite the deluge falling from the sky.

"You really can't say that."

"Give me tonight and I'll do more than say it." He doesn't give you time to consider, but presses his lips to yours. You sigh, body relaxing at his taste. He smells like amber and your pub. His hands slide from your arms to your neck, so he can angle you for kisses deeper. You've dropped your bag, fingers drifting under his t-shirt to the warm skin there. He shivers at your cold touch.

"Come home with me," he murmurs, breaking the kiss for those four words.

"But—"

"He's not there. Come home with me." He traces his thumb along the column of your neck before taking you by the hand and leading you into the rain. You grab your bag and stumble after him. He unlocks an easily twenty-year-old VW beetle, and ushers you in before jogging to the other side. You are soaked from the storm outside and immediately tremble even though it's not cold.

"This is yours?"

He closes the driver's door and turns the key before messing with the dash so heat starts pouring out of the vents. You sigh as it takes a little of the chill away.

"The car?"

You nod as he reaches into the back seat and hands you a towel. "It's clean…and yeah, the car is mine."

You start to chuckle.

"What?"

"Mingyu. You are the tallest man I know. Why did you get a tiny car?"

He tries to look annoyed, but his eyes sparkle (or that's the rain still on his eyelashes). "I like this car."

Your laugh is almost drowned out by the thunder outside. He leans over to kiss you, cradling your cheek in his big hand. You return it, moaning when his tongue dances with yours. When he draws back, you place the towel on his head and dry his hair.

"I can't have a sick bartender." You rub with the towel, getting rid of the excess water at least. He watches you. "Most people look like drowned rats, but you're even prettier, how is that possible?"

"Shut up," he mutters, cheeks turning pink. You laugh again, before jumping when lighting flashes outside the windows. "Are you scared of storms?"

"Not really. Are you?"

He shakes his head, still gazing at you, his thumb stroking your cheekbone delicately.

"I thought you were in a hurry." His attention is discombobulating. He kisses you again, slower and leisurely. You let the towel fall into your lap as you run your hands through his hair. He pulls you closer, damn the hand brake between you. He lowers it before sliding one hand to your ass and lifting you so your in his lap, facing him. The steering wheel presses into your lower back. "We aren't—"

He shushes you before drawing up your top and pulling it off. You instantly cover yourself with a protest and then shiver. He pulls your arms out of the way, eyes taking in his fill.

"Thought about you for so long," he says, voice barely heard above the storm. "Wanted to see you like this." He starts to undo your jeans, mouth giving you no chance to respond verbally to his words. You whine when his hand slips into your underwear.

"Oh my god," you gasp when his finger enters you. He presses soft kisses to your cheeks and nose as he skims your slit with said finger. "Gyu…."

"Already wet for me."

"Has nothing to do with the rain." You're not sure how you can joke while he's touching you like this. But he knows how much you want him, it feels like someone should humble him from time to time.

He pinches your clit and you jolt. "I know the goddamn difference," he says before nipping your neck. "I thought you'd be good for me."

His voice is velvet and you pull his face back to yours so you can kiss him again. "I'll be good," you whisper on his lips. Again and again you kiss, taste, delve as he curls one finger, and then a second in your cunt, his thumb teasing your clit.

"Hey baby," he says when you start to squeeze his fingers. "Pull the lever so we can push the seat back?"

You blink at him, brain dazed. His grin widens.

"What are you smiling about?"

"You," he answers, pulling his fingers out, making you curse. He pulls the lever and pushes the back of the seat. "Spacey because of me." He tugs you down so you'er lying on him.

"You like me dumb?"

"Just cause you're always on top of things," he assures you. You huff, and sit up, working on his jeans' button and zipper.

"There's some joke in there about me being on top right now."

"If you weren't spacey, I bet you'd come up with—" he groans when you wrap your hand around his cock. "Fuck, you feel so good."

You use what he's already leaked to lubricate your hand and his cock. You stroke carefully, then tighten your grip. His hand on your hip digs in deep.

"Condom?" you ask, leaning down to kiss the tip. He groans.

"Don't you have a million in the office for the bathrooms?"

"You want me to go in there, right now and get some?" You lean over him, eyebrows up in question.

"No, I can't wait, I'll pull out, I promise. I'm clean," he stutters when you rub your thumb over his slit. You kiss him before lining him up with your entrance, and easing down.

You've never heard Mingyu curse that much.

He sits up to capture your mouth with his, hands caressing all your bared skin.

You tug on the hem of his shirt, and he only breaks away for you to pull it off and toss it in the back. His hands return to your ass and your clit as he gently grinds before starting to thrust. You can barely breathe, tracing every line of his chest and arms, kissing and sucking where you can.

He feels so good inside you, the drag of him rubbing every sensitive part of you.

The thunder drowns out the noises you both are making, but you feel his hot breath against your neck when his rhythm picks up.

"Close, baby?" His thumb presses hard and you clench so tight that your orgasm screams through you. It's heady, the euphoria of the release. You're only coming down from the high when he starts to pull out of you.

"No," you say against his ear, nibble on the soft skin. "Come inside."

"Fuck, you sure?"

"Yes." You lick the side of his neck and he trembles when he comes. His mouth open on your shoulder, with his arms wrapped tight around you, his breathing harsh, but slowing.

You take it all in, searing it into your memory.

When he raises his head to look at you, you brush his hair out of his eyes, press the back of your hands against his flushed cheeks. He kisses your fingers.

"Come home with me. I'll make you breakfast in the morning."

Go home with him. Stay in his bed, wake up with him. Have breakfast with him.

Where Jungkook also lives.

Who is your employee.

And so is Mingyu.

The metaphoric cold water dumped on you is like a shock to the system.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You pull away, scrambling to the passenger side, before tugging your underwear back in place and re-buttoning your jeans.

"I should go home."

He says your name in a tone of disappointment and frustration. His hand encircles your arm as you open your door.

"I can't leave my car here." It's a terrible excuse, there isn't high crime in Carats Ridge. "And I—" You jerk away from his touch. "I can't." And you rush back out into the rain, getting in your own car and driving toward your home.

You don't look back.

When you arrive several minutes later, you glance in the rear-view mirror, not sure if you're relieved or saddened that he didn't follow you.

Your phone pings with a message, but you don't check it until you're safe in your house, showered and dried off, now in your pajamas.

»mingyu: we're talking about this tomorrow

You don't answer, already regretting your choices and your actions.

You mean to get up early. To go and do errands. To be a productive member of society.

But your body has other ideas.

For fuck's sake, you're sore.

You grumble at yourself because yes, sex made you sore, but also sex in tight quarters like a VW BEETLE made you sore.

You drag on some loose yoga pants and stumble out of your bedroom.

Then there's a knock at your door.

You debate on answering.

"I know you're in there, I see your car." He huffs. "Can we just talk?"

You open the door and Mingyu is holding a white paper bag, and a drink tray with two cups.

"You ever think I'm not worth it?"

You both still at your unthought-out question.

"What?"

"Come in." You step back to let him in, looking down the sidewalk. "Where's your car?"

"Kook dropped me after we grabbed food." He sets his burdens on your kitchen counter and points to you before you say something. "He knows. He's known forever." He stands in the middle of your kitchen, making it feel small (it's not huge, but Mingyu dominates a space).

"Forever? We only had sex last night." Does your face heat when you say it aloud? Yes, but that's only for you and he to know.

Mingyu runs a hand through his hair, visibly frustrated. "He's known how I feel about you since…well, since…" He hands you one of the two paper cups. "It's weird that I don't know how you like your coffee. Our interactions are never before afternoon."

"So what did you choose?" You take a sniff of the drink. "Smells like cinnamon."

"Cinnamon bun latte." He shrugs. "Or I have an Americano."

"Gross, cinnamon bun latte please."

He half-grins before taking the lit off his cup and blowing in it. You shuffle in to open the paper bag and inhale deeply.

"A couple plain croissants, and chocolate ones."

"You didn't have to bring me breakfast."

He sets his cup on the counter, standing on the other side from you so he can face you. "I would have made you breakfast."

You are going to have to have this conversation.

"Mingyu…" You offer him one of the chocolate croissants. "Do you want sugar or cream with your Americano?"

"I'm good." He takes a bite of the pain au chocolate and waits. For you to say something.

"I'm sorry."

"For?" he asks once he's swallowed.

"Everything. I shouldn't sleep with my employee, but I shouldn't run out on you either. I shouldn't want you, make out with you at work; but I most definitely should not give you mixed signals." You shove your hair out of your face, decidedly glad that he's getting to see you like this: big shirt, loose pants, unwashed face (at least you brushed your teeth) and bedhead.

If he ever found you attractive, he wouldn't now.

You sip your latte and smile. "That's really good."

"Apology accepted," he says. He watches you with those beautiful brown eyes. "Why does it matter if I work for you?"

"Oh come on. I'm your boss. I can fire you."

"Or promote me."

"Exactly, the power imbalance is huge and unfair to you. I could fire you for something like just…" You struggle to find an example.

"But you wouldn't."

"I'm talking theoretically here."

"But you wouldn't." He reaches across the counter to grasp you by the chin. "I know you. You wouldn't ever do that. You worry too much to make that kind of decision."

You stare at him. "Really?"

He sighs. "I could also abuse the dynamic. Use my relationship with you for any sort of promotion, benefits like, I dunno, longer breaks, pay raise, not work."

"You wouldn't. You enjoy yourself, but you work so hard."

"I'm talking theoretically here." He grins at you and you realize what he's doing. You know him. Not everything of course, but you know his character, his work ethic, how he's sees the world.

You are so far gone on this man.

"Okay, I get it, but—"

"You need an assistant manager right? Or supervisor? As the pub gets busier and the paperwork piles up."

"Yes. I've been thinking about that." You can't have him stay after work to do paperwork again, that's too dangerous.

"So who would you promote?" He doesn't let you look away, still holding your chin.

You swallow, nervous. "Honestly, you or Jungkook would do well at it. You've got a more laid-back temperament, but you can handle yourself in chaos. Jungkook is far more hyper, but he adjusts easily and has a strong sense of what's fair, so I don't worry about him keeping the peace." You shrug. "I think it be easier if you two talked it out and decided together who was a better fit. I'm too concerned that if I promoted you, it would show favoritism, or if I promoted Jungkook, I'd be doing it because I didn't want to show favoritism, which is kind of the same thing."

His smile inches across his lips. "See. You're a great boss. You don't like theme nights, but you were willing to give them a shot because Kook and I wanted to try."

"It's doing too well, I'm annoyed."

He chuckles and lets go of your chin, and returning to his coffee and pastry. "Is that it?"

"I think that's a big concern."

He pulls out the other pain au chocolate and puts it to your mouth. You take a bite and close your eyes. Why are pastries so delicious?

"I like you. I have since I met you."

As a 'love confession' (you have watched way too much anime in your lifetime), it's probably not the most dramatic or intense, but it still squeezes your heart. The softness of his expression, the domesticity of standing in your kitchen, just getting to look at him.

He likes you.

"At the interview?"

He nods, laughing before brushing crumbs off your lips. "You were so cute. Asking all kinds of questions before firing off ten cocktails, several really obscure, and asking me for the ingredients."

"You told me which ones you didn't know, but said that's what recipe books and your phone was for." You look down, smiling at the memory. "I appreciated that you admitted when you didn't know something. A lot of people would have faked it."

You don't realize that he comes around the counter to stand next to you, until his side presses yours.

"I like you too."

"I had an inkling you might."

"Shut up."

He laughs again before leaning down to kiss you softly. "The employer-employee thing is awkward, I get it. But I'm okay with working through that with you. Are you?"

You stare up at him, deciding that you will regret everything if you don't try. Not with this kind, beautiful, so honest and up front man, who puts up with your wavering.

"Yes."

His smile is warm and fond. He cradles your face in one hand, thumb at your lips. "You're worth it, by the way."

You can believe it, staring into those eyes.

Friday night you spend more time on the floor than you usually do. It's busy at the pub. Some sports match that Jungkook and Mingyu know about (you don't, you do not care enough to keep up) is on the televisions and so many of your regulars are in your pub.

You are mixing a French 75 for Joshua, moving around Mingyu who shoots you an indulgent grin. He bumps hips with you as he shakes up an espresso martini for Jihoon.

"You take up so much space," you tell him, mock-complaining.

"So I'm big?"

You don't answer that. It is not appropriate work conversation, but the glint in his eye is enough.

It's not like you weren't babbling with affection and praise this morning at yours. He really likes having sex in the morning.

He really likes you.

You hand Joshua his drink before finding the next patron. You halt when you see Jeonghan at your bar, royally arrogant smirk in place as he eyes you, then Mingyu, then you again with a perfect eyebrow raise.

"What'll be?" you ask, not commenting on the nonverbal conversation he's having with you.

"Glass of port."

You fulfill his request as Jungkook reaches over you for a wineglass. He winks at you.

The first thing you'd done after the eventful Thursday morning was talk to Jungkook. You explained that you and his best friend were seeing each other, but it would not in any way affect the workplace and climate.

"I hope it does." He leaning against the shelf of tequila in the liquor store room.

"Excuse me?"

"I hope it affects the workplace. I hope you guys are stupid happy." His grin is bright and gleeful, before dropping into a serious expression. "But you know, if you break his heart, I won't forgive you."

"Fair and valid."

"If he breaks yours, I'll punch him," he tells you with the same amount of glee as he leaves to finish up prep work.

"I…I, uh, appreciate that?"

He waves and is gone before you can say anything else.

"So things are good?" Jeonghan says when you hand him his port.

"How can you tell?"

"You both keep stealing glances at each other, and honestly? It's gross." But he's smiling. "So not a fluke?"

"Not a fluke."

"So you won't be coming in to The Bookery to have a meltdown anymore?"

"Don't sound so disappointed," you fire back and then leave him to his drink. The crowd is settled now, your bartenders have everything under control. You tell Jungkook (who is closest) that you're going to the back to do some paperwork and he waves you away.

You push through the 'employee only' doors and head down the hallway to your office. Your hand is snagged and you're spun around into an embrace.

"Just one kiss," Mingyu says, mouth following his words. It's quick, almost chaste. He releases you before you can fully soak it in.

"We shouldn't—"

"Probably not," he answers, with a wicked grin. "But this is more fun, madam boss." And he disappears back through the doors to bar and the people.

You're smiling, heart light and fluttery.

Way more fun.

a/n2: i originally outlined this for a lot more shenanigans, and even MORE avoidance on the mc's part. but turns out romcoms want miscommunication and this particular mingyu just won't allow that. :D

In Australia, his car gave out in the middle of the race and he was forced to retire. In the moment, you’d thought nothing of it, just continuing your role of being his biggest support. ‘Just one bad start. It doesn’t mean that he’s out completely,’ commentators all around the world had declared. You had grounded yourself in that as well, and the next race, he managed to score a point despite the struggles he had with the car. 

When he DNF’ed again and his teammate went with him, heads started to turn. 

Not only did it put the pressure on the team to explain the possible causes, but Mingyu was reminded of his own words before the start of the season. He danced around it with curated precision, but made sure that the media were satisfied with his answer. Just like he practiced with his press officer. 

The answers he would give when he talked about you were no different. 

The media wouldn’t notice how his eyes clouded over, how he struggled to keep his shoulders straight and his smile on, as long as he kept saying the right words. Cherry-picking and feeding them to a group of people that had the power to twist them, but they never did. 

Mingyu always knew what to say, even in moments where there were no words left. 

You put the headphones down softly when the call came. The words hung in the air, suffocating all the people that were watching in the pit box with you. Your heart burned behind your ribcage. From the corner of your eye, people were shooting looks of sympathy, but you couldn’t focus on anything else than the pitlane. 

The air punched out of your lungs when Mingyu’s car was pushed inside. His white helmet with blue accents and the number 17 stuck out just above the car. He put the steering wheel on the front of the car alongside with the headrest, pulling himself up on the halo. 

The room pulsed as he took off his helmet, as if they were bracing themselves for a storm to come. Mingyu turned to you, his eyes scanning every inch of you. He walked up to you and stopped. 

You swallowed and played with your bracelet, but he pulled you into a hug. Your shoulders tensed before you relaxed in his arms, managing a weak smile. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he mumbled in your neck. “It’s whatever.” 

You hummed and rubbed his back in small circle motions, but Mingyu broke free. He shot you a last look before walking away. As per usual, you left the pit box to go with him. You trailed next to him, taking two steps for every one he took. You laced your fingers together and he accepted your affection. He broke away when he took interviews, joining forces with his press officer. 

You watched from the sidelines as he gave the performance that he was trained for, as if this was just a small setback in his path to becoming world champion. 

Mingyu’s energy was contagious, and he never left the room without any. He was charming, accessible and easy to love. Compared to how he behaved when he was in the paddock, there wasn’t a difference between your boyfriend and the man that drove one of the fastest cars in the world. 

You still felt your heart skipping a beat, admiring how easily he could pull himself together and find the words without even hinting that he was frustrated with his performance, that he beat himself up for not pulling the weight and showing the results that he promised everyone. 

He was a breath of fresh air. 

You joined him again and walked to the pit box. His press officer waited outside his motorhome while you followed Mingyu inside. His hand rested on the small of your back when you stepped in. You pushed it away when the door closed behind you and walked to the couch. 

“I’m going to take a shower,” Mingyu announced, but you didn’t respond. He scoffed and slammed the door shut. 

You wondered if anyone had ever pinched through your act, even though there was nothing to prove that you weren’t on good terms. You always showed up together, holding hands, chatting and there was never a moment where your words – if someone ever approached you – were weighed carefully. Mingyu treated you like the world was your palace. That was the happy couple they’d been seeing for three years, ever since your relationship became public. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you were happy with Mingyu.  

The running water made you close your eyes, as if it was only you that existed. You liked it like that, when there was nobody around you for a couple of seconds. Since your relationship became public, you’d been in the spotlight. You chose to keep your life private regardless and Mingyu had always respected that.

Out of protection towards you, Mingyu’s current performance and the crumbs of your relationship that were left, all the energy you had went into pretending that everything was fine. Existing out of everyone’s eyes became your safe haven in moments where nothing could come to your aid. 

You peeked an eye open when the door opened and lifted your head. 

Mingyu hoisted himself into a fresh team shirt, a pair of jeans desperately clinging to his hips. He crinkled his nose and pulled his jeans up, tucking his shirt in. “Are you coming back to the pit box to watch the rest of the race?” 

“Do I have a choice?” You bit back. 

“I’m not in the race anymore, so yes, actually,” he answered calmly and finally looked up. His eyes were like a silent plea every time he looked at you. “Let me rephrase it. Will you be there for emotional support?”

You got off the couch with a scoff and followed him outside. You latched onto his bicep and leaned into him, your fingertips prickling as your nails dug into the fabric of his shirt. 

He pulled you in closer and leaned in. “Don’t forget you love me.” 

You smiled at him sweetly. “You’re very sure that I do.” 

Mingyu looked ahead of him, his arm tense. When you got back into the pit box, he pressed a kiss to your lips before you parted ways. He walked to the pitwall, where he joined the strategists and team principal, and you stood behind the barrier with your headphones. 

The rest of the race was a blur. You stared holes into Mingyu’s back, trying to guess what was going through his head. Secretly, you hoped that he was thinking about you, but those days had long passed. Whenever he thought of you, you knew that it bore resentment. He couldn’t look at you with anything else. Everything in front of the cameras was pretense. 

You went back to his motorhome as Mingyu joined his team in celebrating the podium. You didn’t care how long it would take him. Hell, you didn’t care if he wouldn’t return at all. Everywhere Mingyu went, cameras followed and you did enough pretending for one day. 

As you curled up on the couch, the door opened. The anger ached in your chest immediately, and you clutched your phone in your hand. You stared out of the window as a weight settled down next to you. 

The scent of cedar and citrus coated you in a thick blanket of comfort, no matter how much you didn’t want it to. Fighting only made it easier to lose yourself in it, so you let it. For a while you sat in silence, as if you were both stubbornly waiting for the other to speak. The pressure on your chest made you suffocate. 

“I’m going back to the hotel,” Mingyu finally said. 

You looked at him blankly. 

“You can choose to come with me, or you can stay behind and someone will come pick you up later.” 

“But?” You countered. 

Mingyu shot you a weak smile. “You know what I’m going to say.” 

You looked out of the window again and crossed your arms. 

He called your name softly. His hand slid to your thigh, burning up against your skin. When you pushed it away, he swallowed and shot you a small smile. “I get that this is not ideal–”

“Not ideal?” You interrupted, chuckling bitterly. “God, Mingyu, you have a lot of nerve to phrase it like that.” 

“Baby–”

“Not ideal is when you accidentally double booked yourself. This,” you pointed your finger between him and you, “all of the pretending and the cameras, this is exhausting and demoralising and I’m losing hope that it will ever be fixed.” 

Mingyu’s eyes widened, glimmering. He looked away and lowered his head. “I see,” he croaked. “I’m sorry.” 

You got off the couch and grabbed your purse. “We’re going back to the hotel. I can’t do this, not here.” 

But back at the hotel, you didn’t circle back to it. You were too tired to argue about it again, knowing that it wouldn’t fix anything. All Mingyu would tell you was that you had to hold out. It was only temporary and would blow over before you knew, but it’d been going on for months. Nothing was addressed and if anything, it was only getting worse. 

Although, you doubted that talking about it would fix anything at that point. 

You skipped dinner with Mingyu and ordered room service, munching on a fry as you stared into nothingness. The afternoon replayed in your head, nothing special since your little play, but it hadn’t cut a wound like usual, where you were left bleeding for days until you could look Mingyu in the eyes normally. 

As your eyes flicked to your plate, your phone rang. Mingyu’s caller ID usually made your heart skip a beat, but all you could do was stare at it blankly. Hearing his voice would flush your chest with warmth, and you would think to yourself how lucky you were with a man like him by your side. 

After enduring the past two months, you were hollowed out. 

You put the empty plate aside and threw the suitcase on your bed. You snatched the clothes off the chair and folded them. From the bathroom, you grabbed your toiletries and put them back in the bag. Your summer dress was replaced by a shirt and sweatpants and you did your hair the way you usually would. 

And before you knew it, you were on the plane back home. 

You cried yourself to sleep one night, but slept like an angel the next. Some days, Mingyu was on your mind and you couldn’t focus on anything and others he was merely an afterthought. On those weekends, you watched the races from the comfort of your own home. 

Sometimes you couldn’t even stomach the thought without bursting into tears. 

Mingyu had tried talking to you on multiple occasions, but you told him you needed space. You couldn’t be around him, not like this, and your absence was noticed. 

Like always, his words had landed with curated precision. He laughed, telling the camera that you were in a busy period with work. ‘The money doesn’t come from nowhere’, he’d teased. 

Your eyes stung with tears as you cursed underneath your breath. You turned the TV off and plopped on the couch, staring into the nothingness. 

Every time you saw him, flashing his canines at the camera mischievously, you were reminded of the times you were the one at the receiving end. Mingyu was one of the few people who could genuinely make you laugh. You hated your loud cackles, but Mingyu did everything in his power to pull them out of you. 

That was his victory smile, as he came to call it. 

You buried your head in your hands and sobbed all of the tears you’d been suppressing until you were a shell. Until there was nothing left for you to give anymore. 

When you started dating Mingyu, you knew what you were getting yourself into. You didn’t care because you loved him. He valued your need for privacy and admired your courage to make it public anyway. You never had a knack for hiding; all you wanted was to show the world that you cared about him, that you supported him every step of the way. 

Sometimes you wished that someone would actually catch you in the act. At least you could drop it that way. 

A knock on the door interrupted the spiral. You dragged yourself towards the door and wiped your cheeks dry before opening the door. 

Jeonghan took one look at you before he shot you a small smile. “I had a feeling I would see you like this.”

The tears flowed as if the past twenty minutes hadn’t even happened. You crashed into your best friend’s arms, burying your head in his chest. 

He silently embraced you and rested his head on top of yours. “Your mother told me you were hiding out in your apartment,” he muttered. “I had to check on you.”

Deep down, you were glad she did. 

Jeonghan sat you back down on the couch and walked to your kitchen. He came back with two cups of tea and took a seat next to you.

“I reached the final straw a couple of weeks ago,” you croaked. “Mingyu had another DNF and for some reason, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I just…” You paused and lowered your head. “I don’t know what happened.”

He observed you in silence, his hands wrapped around the cup. “What’s on your mind?” 

Your eyes darted to him. 

Jeonghan shot you a small smile in response. 

“I guess I feel a little selfish for leaving so suddenly, and maybe I’m also wondering why I didn’t just back off entirely instead.” You rubbed your face with a sigh and threw yourself back in the cushions. Staring at the ceiling, the tears stung behind your eyes. “I could’ve spared myself the trouble, stayed home and taken my time and distance. Instead I was the one suggesting to go down this route.”

You glanced at your best friend. “Please don’t tell me I should stop beating myself up.”

He chuckled. “As if I would.” 

You managed a small smile yourself and looked back up at the ceiling. 

“I think it’s admirable that you wanted to try.” 

Your head shot his way. 

Jeonghan shrugged weakly. “You don’t know if it’s going to work, and I can empathise with the fact you held hope that it would, but have you ever talked about it?” 

“Plenty of times,” you answered. “It just always ended in a fight and led to nowhere. We would both feel misunderstood by the other. It was the same conversation where we still hoped for a different outcome, but it never came.” 

You shrugged. “I think we were way past the point of talking.”

He shuffled closer to you and put his cup down. “Would you like me to give some advice, or would you just like some company? I can tell that this conversation has been replaying in your head since you left.”

You looked at him and reached out, your fingers gently brushing his arm. “Just having you here is enough for now. Maybe when I’m in a better mood, I want some advice.” 

Jeonghan slapped his thighs and got up. “Alright, then we’re ordering sushi and I’ll get us my best bottle of wine. It’s been too long since we had a proper night with just the two of us.” 

You watched how he marched out of your apartment with a smile on your face, ignoring how your phone lit up. Jeonghan was right; it had been too long since you had a night together. 

You grabbed your phone from the coffee table and turned it off. Mingyu would hear from you another time. 

Jeonghan had left the subject alone as well, instead updating you on his personal life and the stunts his coworkers were pulling. You tried digging into his romantic endeavours, but he danced around the subject so smoothly, you knew that he was hiding something. Not wanting to pry, you left it alone. 

Although, with enough alcohol in his system he would probably confess. You would let the trajectory of the night decide. 

You were digesting the sushi, slouched on the couch while Jeonghan was browsing through your watchlist on Netflix. He commented on every sappy movie, pausing when he saw shows you’d watched a thousand times before, until he eventually gave up. 

“You watch boring stuff,” he declared and threw the remote on the couch. 

“Half of the suggestions aren’t even because of me,” you countered. “Mingyu wants to watch those sappy movies ninety percent of the time. I don’t even know why.”

“Probably because when you cry, he can comfort you.”

You snorted. “It’s rather the other way around. I always end up wiping his tears away.”

Jeonghan frowned. “Is he such a crybaby?”

“When he’s watching the Notebook, yes.”

He bobbed his head and clicked his tongue. “Well, you learn something new every day.”

You hummed and stared at the black screen.

“Do you miss him?” 

“Yeah,” you whispered and sniffled. “I miss him so much.”

Jeonghan placed your head on his shoulder and rubbed your shoulder. “Maybe you’re not completely beyond the point of talking,” he said softly. “You just need to be honest with him, and with yourself.”

You closed your eyes and nodded. “Having such a high-demanding job is hard, especially when the public eye is involved and I’m afraid.” Your voice trembled. “I’m so afraid of losing him right now when the whole world is watching…”

“Which is why I admire your choice to keep showing up anyway. I hope Mingyu hasn’t forgotten what that means.”

There was a knock on your door and by the time Jeonghan opened it, you were too exhausted to fight the tears. 

No race win could make up for what you had left behind the day you flew back home. 

The looks Mingyu received every time he walked into the paddock had become more concerning every time, and he wondered if the press started putting two and two together throughout all his chirpy and charming demeanour. It hadn’t reflected in his performance the first two races, but when he crashed the car the next thinking about your fight, heads started to turn. 

At night, all he thought about was you. The day you left replayed in his head and he kept searching for every single detail that could’ve helped him prevent you from going. He knew that it wasn’t just that day, or that it was just a small fight. 

You had all the reason to leave. In fact, he’d braced himself for the day you would go, but it didn’t lessen the blow. He cried himself to sleep and the moment he landed into the new race week, he locked himself in his hotel. He only came out when he needed to and through all of it, he was expected to smile, to tell everyone how well he was going to do that weekend. 

He was going to have to talk about you. 

Press had made teasing remarks about your absence, slicing his heart in such an ignorant way that it made his skin prickle. He remembered laughing, telling them that the money didn’t come from nowhere and he moved on from the conversation just like that.

Mingyu met up with his strategists to discuss the race. The expected rain could be his saving grace if he knew how to utilise it, but expected was all it was. If it was just a normal race, he had to revert to medium and hard tyres to hold out. The softs under his car wouldn’t last even a lap, not on this track. 

His teammate, Jun, was prioritised when it came to maximising the amount of points they could get that weekend. The prediction – for the first time since the finale of the previous season – was a double podium. For Jun, that meant a race win. 

Mingyu’s job was to make sure to stay close behind his favoured teammate, holding up opponents so the gap between them became impossible to close. There hadn’t been a race win in the cards for him, and the championship that he promised to deliver started slipping out of his hands as well. 

Jun had sat with him during lunch, but stayed uncharacteristically silent. 

In between bites, it got on Mingyu’s nerves. “You can just speak your mind, you know,” he said tightly. “I’m well aware that I haven’t been delivering on my promises so just say what you want to say. No hard feelings from my side.” 

“I was going to ask if you were okay.” 

The force he felt in his gut was more than deserved. 

Mingyu managed a soft ‘Oh’. 

“I know this world is hard and we’re being measured by everything we do and say, but I hope you feel comfortable enough around me to share what’s been going on.” Jun offered him a smile. “We may be rivals on track, but I consider you a friend.” 

He inhaled softly. “I’ll manage, but thank you anyway.” 

Jun nodded and turned back to his food. “You’ll get there, I’m sure of it. One down period shouldn’t define the rest of your trajectory.” 

Mingyu still debated whether he meant his career or his personal life, the words echoing in the back of his mind throughout the day. 

The weekend flew by and he even managed to cling onto third place, but he didn’t stay to celebrate the double podium. In the hotel room, it all came crashing down on him again and somewhere between hours of crying and trying to call you, he’d fallen asleep.  

Jun had texted him, but he ignored it and packed his suitcase. 

Mingyu was happy he could go home. He missed the comfort of his own bed, of waking up in a pitch black room instead of flowy curtains dancing in the wind, forcing him awake at the slightest bit of light.

He pushed his suitcase aside and plopped on the couch, staring into the nothingness that was his home. The silence had a way of sending shivers down his spine while comforting him all the same. He wanted to cry, even though there was nothing left to give, and he wanted to throw everything in his sight and scream. 

When you were around, at least the place felt a bit like home. Having moved from South Korea to the other side of the world, he’d always been out of place. Nothing seemed to settle him down, until you came along. 

You made everything easy, bearable even. You showed him the balance between settling in his new hometown and honoring where he came from. When he talked about his career, you’d asked him questions that no one had ever thought of before, as if you desired to dig a layer deeper. 

And you succeeded. Since the day you went out for Korean barbecue together, you’d stayed around. 

Mingyu had never loved someone like you, let alone someone in the way he loved you. You were his voice of reason, his moment of chaos when he needed it. You were stability, spontaneity and structure all combined into one, an endless balance that you were keeping like it was breathing. You settled into his hectic and fast-paced lifestyle much easier than he expected you to. 

He started loving you even deeper. 

Coming home became something he looked forward to. His apartment was bright and lively, no matter if you were there to greet him or not. He could faintly trace your jasmine and coconut perfume, the warmth starting in his stomach before spreading through his whole body. 

All he smelled now was lavender. The cleaning service had been in not too long ago, but his apartment was hollow. It rather felt like he was sitting in the home of someone else. 

Mingyu’s entire world had fallen apart.

He checked his phone. Maybe you’d called him back, even if it was to tell him off. Your phone went straight to voicemail and where he usually hung up, he stuck around. 

He just needed to hear your voice. 

“Hi, baby,” he said softly. “I just… I want to talk to you. About all of this. I know that you want space, but it’s killing me to sit here without knowing what’s going to happen.” 

The tears stung behind his eyes, the pressure in his chest unbearable. “All I want to know is if this is the end or not, okay? I don’t want to get my hopes up for nothing.” 

He sniffled and whispered a soft goodbye before he threw the phone down next to him. 

When his coach came over to prepare his meals with him, he just stared into the abyss. Whether he willfully ignored it or he genuinely didn’t notice, Mingyu couldn’t bring himself to care. All he wanted was you to call him back so he could start letting you go.

Because if you wanted it to be over, he had no choice but to accept it. 

After one bite, Mingyu curled himself up on the couch. He closed his eyes, but all he saw was you. Screaming at him, embracing him, crying, running your hands through his hair, kissing him, screaming again. 

Nothing he did relieved him of his fear becoming reality. 

He glanced at his phone, but you hadn’t called him back. Mingyu was going to have to take matters into his own hands and it would either be the best decision he would ever make, or you would hate him forever. 

He slid into his shoes, grabbed his phone and keys and got into his car. It was a small drive to the town over, but every second passing felt like you were slipping away from him further. His knuckles were white by the time he reached your block, his heart about to race itself to death. 

It was all or nothing. 

Mingyu got out of the car and walked up to the stairs. He looked up and started walking, all three sets until he reached your level. Right at the end of the gallery was your apartment, the crate with empty beer bottles stacked next to your front door. 

With every step he took, his legs became heavier. 

What was he doing? You clearly told him you needed space and he breached that trust by barging into your block unannounced. You would never forgive him for it, now that he was willing to cross every boundary you were going to set with him in the future. 

But it’d been over a month since you left the hotel without a word. He wanted to know how you felt, and at some point the line between protecting your peace and avoiding the confrontation started to blur. Mingyu was going to have to barge through it himself.

He knocked on the door and stepped back, rubbing his fingers together. When the door opened, he tilted his head. 

“Hey,” Jeonghan greeted him and looked back. 

Mingyu looked past your best friend at you. He swallowed when your eyes glimmered. “Sorry for coming over so suddenly, but I couldn’t take it anymore.” 

You nodded and wiped your cheeks. “Come in.” 

He stepped in and nodded at Jeonghan. “Thank you.” 

“Yeah, no problem.” 

Mingyu lingered near the door and cleared his throat. “I–”

You embraced him tightly. 

He wrapped his arms around you and nuzzled his face in your hair.

“We can talk in a second,” you sniffled. “I need a hug first.”

Mingyu squeezed his eyes shut, but a tear rolled down his cheek. “Me too, baby,” he whispered. He held you close, taking you in like it was the last time he would ever see you again. 

He’d convinced himself it was until you ran into his arms.

Jeonghan smiled at you when you pulled back. “Call me if you need me, yeah?”

You nodded and wiped your tears away. 

He looked at Mingyu and nodded, to which he returned the favour. 

Mingyu turned to you and wiped your cheek with his thumb. “The situation’s been shitty, for both of us but mostly for you.”

“I wished it would’ve worked out how we hoped it would.” You smiled through your tears. “I didn’t want to stand in the way of your career.” 

He grabbed both of your hands and squeezed them. “I know that I’m not always the best at juggling my personal life and my work, but you are never in the way.” 

“If this would be the outcome, I never would’ve done it,” you said with a sniffle. “It was the easy way out instead of addressing the elephant in the room.” 

Mingyu lowered his eyes and nodded. “Yeah.” 

You led him to the couch leaned forward. “How are you truly doing, Mingyu?” 

“I was on such a high after last season,” he started and smiled. “I came in third in the championship, and there was such hope that this year could be even better. I won a ton of races after all.”

You listened intently, your eyes scanning every detail of his face and your brows pushed together. 

“When I walked into the factory to see the car and to test it, my hopes were completely gone and the season hadn’t even started yet.” Mingyu sighed deeply. “And how could I tell anyway? It was only February, a month and a half before the first face.” 

“Were you scared to admit it?” 

He nodded. “I started acting out because I was terrified that I would fail, and look where that has brought me. I fulfilled my own destiny.”

You nodded and leaned on your thighs. “And what could I have done differently to give you the space to be open about that?” 

Mingyu opened his mouth, but he closed it again. “Baby, this is not your responsibility. I should’ve been honest.” 

“But you weren’t, so I’ll ask again.” You looked right at him. “What could I have done differently so you would’ve felt comfortable?”

He lowered his eyes. 

“Mingyu,” you grabbed his hand, “you need to be honest with me if we want to work through this.”

“You have a tendency to want to solve everything,” he heard himself say. At your lack of reaction, he looked up. 

Your head was tilted, your eyes narrowed. After a silence, you clicked your tongue. 

“I mean, you kind of proved me right already.”

Mingyu managed a small smile. “I admire your ability to think about solutions, but what I need sometimes is an ear, not a brain. And maybe, when you suggested that we would pretend nothing was happening, that was not what was best for us even though it was the logical solution so the press wouldn’t jump to conclusions.”

You nodded. “I agree with you.”

He shuffled closer and rubbed your thigh. “You need to allow yourself to take a breather more. What you did, taking your distance – even though it was suddenly – was a good thing.” 

“It didn’t feel that way,” you muttered with a sigh. “I hated to leave you hanging like that, and I guess in hindsight that I was also kind of running from it. In case you hated me or something.” 

“You and me both.” Mingyu caressed your cheek with a smile. “We should stop pretending, but I hope the act can be dropped completely. I don’t want to fight anymore.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your head in the crook of his neck. “You’ll talk, and I’ll listen, or am I too early to propose a solution?” 

Mingyu laughed and pressed a kiss to your temple. “Sounds like a perfect idea.”

You fell asleep in his arms that night and Mingyu’s world was slowly built back up. His career might’ve not been what it needed to be, but he had you and that was all that mattered. 

The press described it as the most anticipated return of the season, you would tell them that it had been coming all along. 

Mingyu’s first win of the season came right before the summer break, when an unexpected crash between the front row gave way to the lead. Jun was right behind him, grinding the rest of the field to a halt so they could secure their 1-2 podium finish. 

An entirely different person came out of the summer break, with you by his side. You fell in love with Mingyu all over again. 

You’d joined for the last race of the season, tucked away in the paddock as you watched the screen. Mingyu was in second place and if he stayed there, he could round up the top three for the season. Jun had already been declared world champion, but he was leading the race anyway. 

With the cord entangled in your hand, your fingers were crossed as Mingyu was told to come in for a last pitstop. He had a gap big enough to keep the position, but the pitstop had to go right. 

As the car pulled up in the lane, the pit box pulsed. Your heart hammered in your chest as you watched the mechanics in their rehearsed rhythm, as if it was their second nature. All four tyres at once, switching from hard to mediums. 

Within the blink of an eye, Mingyu took off. 

You watched the screen, just when Mingyu entered the race track. His opponent was nowhere in sight. 

As the pit box cheered, you released a soft breath of relief. All Mingyu had to do was hold out and he would come in third again. 

When the last lap rang in, the team was already guiding you through the crowd. They put you right at the front of the barrier, next to his strategist. You were nearly pushed against the barrier, the team buzzing with excitement as their drivers were nearing the finish line. Some of the mechanics were climbing in the fences to cheer at them, even though that wasn’t allowed anymore. 

The team did not seem to care. 

The car with number 17 disappeared on the horizon and your heart skipped a beat. It stopped in front of the big banner with second place on it and Mingyu didn’t know how fast he had to get out. 

The warmth spread through your chest when he stood on the hood of his car, pumping his fists in the air while the crowd roared. He jumped off and rushed into the arms of his mechanics, who nearly dragged him over the barrier. 

“Crazy, those guys,” his strategist said to you, to which you chuckled. 

Mingyu took his helmet off and turned your way, his lips twisting into a smile. He pressed your foreheads together, his chest rising and falling heavily. 

“I think a night out is in order,” you whispered with a smile. 

“We’ll think about that later.” He pressed your lips together in a kiss so eagerly that your knees buckled. You held onto his suit for stability and smiled against his lips. 

Mingyu caressed your cheek and smiled. “I couldn’t have done it without you, baby. Thank you for everything.” 

“Everything for you.” You turned him around gently. “Now, go celebrate that podium and suck in all the love and praise. I’ll be downstairs waiting for you.”  

He walked away and looked over his shoulder. 

“Don’t forget you love me, though.” 

He smiled and disappeared inside. The rest of the day became a blur as the alcohol passed around the team, but you didn’t care. All that mattered to you was that you and Mingyu were happy again. 

And next season, he would be a world champion. 

WE WERE EACH OTHER’S EVERYTHING

When it comes to firsts, you and Joshua were each others first for practically everything. He was your first kiss, you shared your first time together, you awkwardly lost your virginities to each other. You were each others first loves and your first heartbreaks.

Seven months, and six days have passed since you walked out the door and never came back. In that time you haven't moved on, you haven't tried to date anyone one. In your heart and soul you're still married.

ITS NEVER OVER

Joshua doesn't think he's ever loved, or will love anyone like he loves you. Watching you walk out of your shared home after an argument, was the most heartbreaking moment of his life.

The first three months you were gone, Joshua texted or called you everyday trying to get you to come home. Slowly the communication started to fade, and now Joshua hasn't spoken to you in three months and twenty-two days.

Since you left Joshua had refused to acknowledge you're sperated. He still wears his wedding ring, and anytime a woman tries to flirt with him he always reminds them he's married.

He's not sure if he can save his marriage or if you'll ever comeback home. He holds out hope that one day you'll come back home.

-

It's another day Joshua is working at the flower shop you both own from open to close. He has Jeonghan helping out running out the small coffee shop that's attached to it.

Today isn't an easy day for Joshua by any means. Today should be your eighth anniversary.

He's spent today burying himself in work. Jeonghan is very aware of what today is. He offered to work open to close with his best friend so he can keep an eye on him.

Joshua is putting the finishing touches on a floral arrangement for a regular who always buys flower for his wife. He puts the arrangement in the cooler before fishing his phone out of his pocket.

Opening his text he goes to your pinned contact. He frows seeing his last message from you was three months ago.

Shua [10:32am] Happy Anniversary.

He stares at his phone knowing there probably won't be response. You’ve barely responded to the last few messages he's sent.

Around noon Jeonghan finally convinces him to at least take a short lunch with him. Joshua's finished up all the early pick up orders and Mina has no problem running the flower counter, and taking orders.

Sitting in the back office Joshua leans back in his chair rubbing his eyes. He hates everything about today.

Jeonghan doesn't like seeing his best friend so distraught. For the last few months he's contemplated begging you to come back to your clearly broken estranged husband. This is your first anniversary apart and he knows Joshua is barely hanging on by a thread.

Leaning forwards, Joshua finally takes a bite of his salad that Jeonghan had ordered him. He can feel his best friend's eyes burning into him, with each bite he takes.

"Why are you here today?" Jeonghan thought Joshua would spend the day at home moping around.

"Because if I spend the day trapped in the home I used to share with her, I might actually lose my mind."

"Shua, maybe it's time you ask for her to comeback or give you a divorce?"

Joshua let's out a heavy sigh leaning back again. "I don't want a divorce. I just want my wife back."

"I know you do. It's just— Shua I hate seeing you torn up like this."

"I know. I hate feeling this way. I just don't know what to do."

"You should go out with me and Seungcheol to the bar tonight."

"Is that a good idea?" Joshua sighs.

"Yeah. I'm not asking you to get drunk, but just come out tonight. I don't want you sitting at home moping around."

Joshua's phone vibrates on the table. He picks it up and sees a message from you.

Goldie 12:13pm - Happy Anniversary.

He truly thought he wouldn't hear from you at all today. He doesn't expect you to call or anything, but he's glad you at least sent him a text.

"Whose texting you?"

Joshua sits the phone down on the table. "Goldie."

"You still call your wife her nickname?" For as long as Jeonghan has know Joshua, he's rarely ever heard him call you by your actual name.

"She's bright like a marigold."

"Your favorite flowers are white roses, I'm still shocked you don't call her Rosie."

Joshua grabs his phone and opens his text.

Shua 12:21pm: I miss you.

"Shua, just go to the bar tonight with me and Cheol."

He just stares at his text you. He can't bring himself to sit in the homes shared, during this anniversary you'll be apart.

"I'll go out tonight."

IS THIS AN ILLUSION?

The sight of you standing right outside the entrance of the flower shop doesn't feel real. Joshua rubs his eyes unsure if this is actually real. It's taking everything in him not to rush the few feet towards you. The closer he gets he realizes you're eyes are glossy and that have been crying.

"Goldie?"

You look up at him and give him a sad smile. "Hi, Shua."

He stood in front of you. He just takes a moment to fully look at you. He was starting to think he might not ever see you again.

"Why are you here?" He stops in front of you.

"I realize I'm miserable without you. I thought I needed to try and be independent, but I understand that's foolish."

Joshua glances around the quiet street. The is watercolors of pink and orange as it starts to rise. He doesn't want to have this conversation out on the street.

"Let's go inside and talk over some coffee." He fishes his key out of his pocket. Opening the door, he holds it open for you.

You look around the flower shop and smile at the site of the bundles of marigolds and white roses together.

"The marigolds are always there because of you." Back in the high school Joshua gave you a bouquet of marigolds and told you they remind him of you. He's called you Goldie since you were teens because of the vibrant flower.

"Are the white rose for you?" You pick a single stem white rose up.

"They're still my favorite flower." He says. “You know they represent new beginnings?”

“Yeah. You gave them to me after our first fight in high school.” You hope that the white rose can represent your future now.

He walks over to the small coffee shop. He turns on the espresso machine and gets to work making coffee for both of you.

This flower shop and cafe is something the two of you built together. This place was just as much yours as it was his before you left.

He tries to focus on making coffee, but he can only focus on you. He's watching you make your way around the flower shop, looking at all the flowers.

He brings over a small tray holding both your iced lattes. Walking over you sit down across to him at small table near the window.

You take a sip of the honey flavored latte. He made it exactly how you have always loved it. "I know I have messed up, am I hurt you."

"You were my first love, and you became my first heartbreak." He responds.

"I know. I broke both of our hearts." You'll never point any of the blame on your husband. Joshua has always been perfect to you. "I left because I never knew what it was like to be independent. I went from living under the guidance of my father, to being married. I've always had a man in my life helping me figure out how to live. I needed to try and be independent."

His brows knit together. "Did you think I was controlling?"

"No, not at all. I just needed space to try an discover who I am. I realized the whole time I was away that my life doesn't make sense without you."

Reaching for the glass you take another drink of your coffee. "I'm coming home. If you would like to continue our relationship, I would love that. I understand if you don't want to. I hurt you, and know that. I can stay with Seokmin and rent a room from him."

"You're crazy if you think I'm going to let you live with Seokmin. Since the moment you walked out of our home on that raining day, I have hoped and prayed that I would come home to me."

"Don't you hate me for hurting you?"

He reaches out taking your hand in his. "Goldie, I don't think I will fully ever understand why you left like you did. I always thought you knew you could talk to me and trust me. But I could never hate you. I just hated that you made me feel like I was just an afterthought." It's true, he's been heart broken since you left, but he's never hated you.

"Okay." Tears slowly start sliding down your cheeks. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

Reaching across the table he rest his hand on your cheek. He drags his hand across the delicate skin of your cheek, swiping away your tears. "Come home tonight. Let's have dinner and you can stay the night or you can go stay with Seokmin. The guest room is still set up."

"I would like that."

He wants to ask you a million questions. He wants to know what you've been up to, and where you have been living. He's pretty sure when you left you went and stayed with Seungkwan and his wife.

You both finish your lattes. Joshua is lucky you decided to show up after closing. He knows Jeonghan is going to show up soon to drag him to the bar.

"Did you want pasta tonight for dinner?" It's your anniversary and he would like to make your favorite meal.

"That would be nice."

He glances up when he sees Jeonghan unlocking the door and walking in. He didn't know if Jeonghan was coming in or going to call him. As a partial owner of the coffee shop in here, Jeonghan tends to come and go as he pleases here.

"Oh." Jeonghan says at the sight of you sitting with Joshua.

You turn and fully look at your husbands best friend. Joshua isn't aware that Jeonghan has been checking on you once a month since you left.

"Hi, Hannie."

Jeonghan shoves his hands into his jeans pockets. He looks at Joshua raising his brows. He's not fully sure what he just walked into to.

"Jeonghan, um Goldie is back." Joshua stands up.

"Welcome back, Goldie." Jeonghan tilts his head at you.

Jeonghan walks over and hands Joshua a bag. Joshua dismisses him and takes it to the back office. You're left alone with Jeonghan for a moment.

"When I asked you to come back last night. I didn't expect to see you at seven tonight." Jeonghan sits down where Joshua was sitting.

"I knew it was time to come home, your message was the push I needed." You pause staring at the man who had become your best friend as well. "I know you probably hate me, and we probably aren't friends anymore."

He knits his brows together. "I don't hate you, and we can still be friends. I'm just asking that you don't break his heart again."

Joshua walks back out holding the keys to the store. He gives you a gentle smile, before looking towards Jeonghan.

"I'll let Cheol know you can't come out tonight." Jeonghan stands up and grabs your empty coffee cups.

Joshua walks closer to you. Jeonghan walks away disposing of the cups.

"Are you ready to go home?" Joshua asks.

You stand up, glancing over you see Joshua holding out his hand. You don't even hesitate, you reach out lacing your fingers with his.

Walk out of the shop, Jeonghan leads the way. Joshua releases your hand just long enough to lock the door.

Jeonghan says goodbye and heads down the street towards the bar.

ALL THE MEMORIES WE’VE SHARED

Once you're both alone Joshua leads you towards his car. He unlocks it's and opens the passenger door for you.

"I didn't ask how you got here." Joshua pauses.

"Seokmin dropped me off."

You both get into the car. Joshua glances over and gives you a smile before he turns the car on. The drive the flower shop, to your home takes all of five minutes. Joshua parks the car in the driveway and you both get out.

Heading inside your shared home, it still looks like just the day you left. Over by the couch, your engagement and wedding photos are still hung. After you left your thought he would remove those photos.

You follow him as he heads off to the kitchen. He grabs a bottle of wine and pops it open. You stand by the sink watching as he moves around the kitchen. He pours to glasses of red wine. He grabs one, holding it out for you.

Taking the glass you hold it out. He grabs his own and raises it. "Happy anniversary."

You cheers your glasses before taking a sip of rich yet subtle flavor of blackberries in the wine.

"Happy anniversary," you respond.

"Take a seat and I'll make us your favorite pesto."

Walking over you sit down at the kitchen table. You sip on the rich wine, watching him move with ease around the kitchen. Cooking for you has always been apart of Joshua's love language with you.

It takes about thirty minutes before he sets down a delicious looking plate of pesto pasta.

He sits down across from you. There is about two minutes of silence before you both start making small talk.

"Do you remember when we're were home from college celebrating our anniversary and your mom almost walked in on us?" Joshua asks. You remember this night fully. You were both twenty and had been dating for four years at that point. You planned on getting a hotel for your anniversary, but weren't able to. Joshua thought it would be romantic if he snuck into your parents house in the middle of night. It turns out your were being too loud having sex and your mom was concerned you were hurt and came knocking on your luckily locked door.

"Yes. We were being so loud, my mom thought something hurt me and made me cry." If only she knew, your charming boyfriend was fucking you so good you couldn't shut up.

Through out dinner you keep talking about past memories. After another glass of wine you both work on cleaning up the kitchen. Joshua puts the last dish away as you finish your last drink of wine.

Joshua is standing there looking absolutely handsome. This dinner made you feel like everything was back to normal. It's making you realize you didn't destroy everything you built together, like you thought you did.

You've missed your husband desperately, and you never want to leave his side again.

Joshua walks closer to you. He stops right in front of you. He reaches out pushing your hair out of you face. He doesn't anything, he just stares at you for a moment.

Without thinking, you lean in crashing your lips into his. His hand grips your hip, pulling you flush against his body. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you deepen the kiss. The whole time you were gone, you craved this feeling. You told yourself over and over again, that you left to find yourself, but you couldn't push away the aching feeling in your chest. Every single day, you're apart you've missed your husband. Now that you're back you don't ever want to leave his side again.

Pulling back slightly, he rests his nose against yours. "Are you sure you want this?" He whispers.

"I just want to be with my husband again." His brows knit together for a moment. "Joshua, if you'll have me back, I wanna be yours."

Not another word was uttered before he crashes his lips into yours for a searing kiss. He walks you backwards until your back hits the wall with a thud.

He pulls away smiling. His smile sends a fluttering storm of butterflies into your stomach. "Baby, you've alway been mine. Even when you made me feel like an afterthought. You were always mine." He says before kissing you again.

Reaching for his belt, without thinking you start unbuckling it. He stares at you with a look of awe. You fumble, as your work on unbuckling his pants. You push his jeans down below his butt, and pull out his already hardening length. Your eyes lock on his, as your slowly pump his length.

You give him a smile, before dropping to your knees in front of him. You start off by holding, his length while you slowly took his rosy colored tip. He threads his fingers through your hair, holding it away from your face. Hallowing your cheeks you take his length into your mouth. Bobbing your head you slide your tongue against the vein that runs along the underside of his cock.

Joshua's eyes are closed, and his lips are parted. It's taking everything in him not to guide your movements. He's just letting your set your own pace. God he's missed the feeling of your mouth.

"Goldie." He lets out a breathy moan.

Looking up through your lashes, your eyes lock with his. He looks beautiful as he's on the edge of falling apart.

One hand rest on his thigh, while the other reach down to play with his balls.

"Baby, I'm close." You love how desperate he sounds.

Hallowing your cheeks you take him into your throat. He shakes his head and pulls away from you.

Sitting back on your heels you look up at him, confused.

"Baby, our first time together in months I refuse to finish the first time in your mouth." He reaches down, helping you stand up.

He leans down pressing his lips to yours for a quick kiss. "Let's move to our bedroom."

Laying on top of the same comforter you spent hours shopping dragging Joshua around on a sunny June afternoon. Pushing yourself up on your elbows you watch as Joshua starts stripping away this clothes. He's still absolutely beautiful.

It's been so long since you've been intimate. Joshua is the only man you've ever been with, and you never want another man touch you like he does.

He sits his knee on the bed and starts crawling towards you. He sits on his heels between your spread legs. Leaning down he places a kiss on your knee.

"I'm going to eat you out." He lays down on his stomach, with your needy pussy right in front of his face. He starts by kissing the top of your mound. He spreads your lips and with his fat tongue he licks your puffy clit.

"Oh—" you instantly moan.

"You taste just as sweet as I remember."

He dives into your core like a man starved. He practically makes out with your clit, switching between licking and sucking as he pumps two fingers in and out of you.

Your fingers tangle in his hair, holding him close to your core. Without thinking your lift your hips pushing your pussy closer to his face.

"Shua—" You moan.

He curves his fingers up, touching that spot inside you, that leaves you seeing stars. He sucks harder on your clit. Your orgasm hits you like a lightening strike. Everything tenses and then your whole body instantly relaxs. Your walls flutter around his fingers. You're body lies limp against the soft bed.

He pulls back smiling. His lips have a shine to them from your release. His tongue slides across his top lip, collecting some of your release.

Your eyes are squeezed shut letting the high wash over you. Joshua takes this time to slowly pull back. He moves back to his position, sitting on his knees between your spread legs. He pumps his painfully hard length, looking down at you.

Your eyes open and you find him staring down at you. He presses another gentle kiss to your knee.

"Do I need to get a condom?" He hasn't worn in a condom with you since you were in college together, but it's been so long since you were intimate he doesn't know if you want him to wear one. His large hand rests on your thigh, and rubs it slowly.

A smile tugs at your lips. "I'm still on birth control, and haven't even looked at another man other than you."

"Goldie—" he pauses and looks at you with his brows knit. "Baby, I've never been with anyone other then you. The whole time you were gone I never planned on moving on. I'm faithful to you."

"I didn't wasn't accusing you of anything. I just wanted you to know I was faithful to you too." You give him a smile. "Joshua I want to feel you fully raw again."

He moves closer to you. He takes his hard length in his hand, running it through your wet folds. A soft gasp passes your lips as the rosy mushroom tip bumps against your sensitive clit. He moves so he's hovering over you, while he rest on his knees. He pushes you inch by inch as painfully slow pace. It's been so long since you've had sex with anything other than your vibrator. It's going to take a moment for you to adjust to the size of your husband. The moment he's fully inside he stills, giving you a moment to adjust. Closing your eyes you tilt your head back. He reaches up resting his hand on your cheek.

"You okay?" Your eyes flutter open, and find him staring down at you.

"Yeah, I just need a minute. It's a been a while."

"Baby it's been seven long months since I have been inside you." He gives you that smile that always makes you feel weak in the knees.

"Shua, can you move?" Your reach up, tangling your fingers in his hair.

Without saying another word, he starts moving at a slow and deep pace. His body is practically plastered against you. One of yours hands is tangled in his hand and the others rest on his lower back. You can't get enough of him. Seven long months left you yearning for him.

His large length is filling you completey. He's so long you feel as if he's kissing your cervix with each deep thrust. The room is filled with echoing sounds of your whimpers and moans, and his deep moans. Resting his face in the crook of your neck, he leaves a wet trail of kisses, most definitely leaving marks in his wake.

"Baby you feel so good," he groans against your skin.

Spreading your legs wider for him, he's able to hit spots even deeper. Closing your eyes you focus on your rapidly approaching high. You let out a high pitched moan that sounds like his name. You're on the verge of falling apart.

"You're clenching." He groans. He knows your body inside and out. He's aware that you're on the brink of falling apart.

"You feel so good. You're so big." You're practically squirming, trying to push your hips up towards him.

"Baby you can come." He pulls his lips away from your skin.

You silently nod your head. Your whole body feels tense. The coiling in your stomach has your wound so tight, you're on the brink of exploding.

Joshua pulls away from your fully. You whine at the loss of him plastered against you. He sits on his knees between your spread legs. This position gives him. The ability to play with your clit. He picks up his pace, still going deep, but smacking his hips into yours hard. His hand rest on your mound, his thumb works on rubbing your sensitive clit. Your lips part, as a silent gasp passes.

Pushing yourself up on your elbows your watch what he's doing. It's absolutely toxicity watching as he plays with you.

"Fuck—" you whine.

"Come for me baby."

Silently you nod.

He pushes his hips into yours at quicker pace. Your orgasm feels like a tidal wave. The coil snaps in your stomach like it never had before. Your walls squeeze his massive length pushing him over the edge right behind you. He fills you to the brim with his milky white release. He's cum harder then he ever has.

He keeps thrusting into you with shallow thrust, helping you both ride out your high. Pulling out he watches as his thick cum slowly starts to leak out. Without thinking he drags two fingers through your folds helping to push his release back inside you.

"God I love you." He says.

"I love you too."

He kisses the top of your knee one last time before running off to the bathroom to get a warm cloth to clean you up.

Laying in bed with your husband feels surreal. There were many nights after you left you thought you lost him forever.

Laying in your side you stare him. He's laying on his side staring back. His hand rest on the bed between you. You're both still fully naked.

"Baby, I want my wife back."

"Why are you so willing to forgive me?" You can't push away the guilty feeling that's eating away at you.

"Because I love you, and I'm willing to understand why you left me." His words make you feel like your chest is being squeezed. "We can go slow. We can act like we're dating again, we have a guest room. One of us can sleep in there."

"Slow would be nice. Maybe we don't always sleep in separate rooms."

He smiles. "I'll do whatever you want. I just want you back."

"I'm back." You can't help but cry.

He reaches out pushing away your tears. "Don't cry, baby."

"I'm just worried. People probably hate me for hurting you."

He shakes his head. "No one can hate you. Sure some people don't understand, but no one hates you. Baby what other people think doesn't matter. All that matters is, I want you back, and I love you."

"I love you too."

Joshua moves closer. He crashes his lips into yours before pulling you into his arms. You know you messed up, but Joshua loves you, and wants to work on building your life together again. You hope one day maybe that guilty feeling will go away. But right now all that matters is that you love your husband, and he loves you.