#jimson

as finals approach the nightmares appear

Alright! It’s a new year, which means another nine and a half months of torture, and the faculty members are the main people torturers. This guide will sort of tell you what to expect.

Hieronymous Wiggenstaff: In day to day life, you’re unlikely to be spending a lot of time with our school’s founder. He’s a hero, he’s super confident, and the only person in our dorm room who knows how to spell his first name is Lorraine.

Higglemas Wiggenstaff: You will NEVER see the younger Wiggenstaff brother. Higglemas is in charge of the sidekick and henchperson Annex program. He’s grouchy, his office door is always locked, and I’m not entirely sure that he does anything. Even though he’s younger, he looks ancient compared to Hieronymous. He has a dog named Hero.

Hernandez: He’s the only centaur professor at the school, which makes him very easy to recognize. He teaches Animal Handling. If you go to the barn, you’ll probably see him there. Most of his classes are outdoors, which is probably because trying to transport animals into the school would be a hassle.  It’s a good class if you’re claustrophobic. Alright. Let’s address the elephant in the room. Yes, he is very handsome, objectively speaking, and also very kind hearted.

Jimson: Jimson is the Battlegrounds Trainer for the Annex program. He’s married to Crush, the Battlegrounds Trainer for the MAIN building, and their lessons regularly overlap. He’s pretty good at comforting people. He’s a world-famous arena champion in the Featherweight Division.

Tomas: Tomas is the guidance counselor. I’ve never visited his office, but I say hi whenever I see him in the hallways. He seems pretty nice. I don‘t know much else about him.

Festo: FESTO IS FUCKING AMAZING. I LOVE THEIR MAGIC CLASSES, AND THEY’VE DEFINITELY GOT A SHIT TON OF PARTY POINTS. THEY’RE THE COOL TEACHER THAT WILL HELP YOU PRANK OTHER STUDENTS AND SOMETIMES FACULTY MEMBERS. REALLY JUST THE COOLEST. GIVE THEM SWEET STUFF TO GET ON THEIR GOOD SIDE! 100/10 BEST PROFESSOR

Crush: Crush is a Dragonborn. He’s married to Jimson, and does Battlegrounds Training for Heroes and Villains. He’s married to Jimson, and he’s a great teacher. Training is hard, but I think it’s probably better than dying, y’know?

Jackal: This Kenku teaches sneakery. His room has a balcony, which is pretty sweet. If you’re not into looking over and having the sudden realization that there’s a bird-man standing behind you for Lloth knows how long, then you probably won’t like Jackal. He just kind of... appears, and then you realize that he’s not there anymore. His class is very hands on and interactive, but I like classes that are hands on and interactive.

Bartholomeus: I hope you like math. Specially accounting. Yeah, it’s important, but this owl is very Into It. I’d say that his excitement is contagious, but really, nobody can match Bartholomeus in terms of love of accounting. I’m terrified of what he might do to someone if they dissed accounting, but he might just go into shock. It might be a good idea to go into his class with some prior knowledge of accounting. His tests are brutal.