FEMME-READER | ANGST & FLUFF | LOVE TRIANGLE
Taglist: @pastel-princess-please @kiki-woo @fishsquishh
After seven months of dating and three months of being his caregiver, youâd finally found a good groove together. Jeonghan always seemed to be on the edge of regressing when he was comfy, sleepy or clingy which was most times.
It used to be a little overwhelming but youâd notice how regressing frequently helped him stay in control, even typically staying a happy medium age of around 6 years old. He never had to stray far from that. But it also depended on who he was with and his needs. Recording during a demanding Going Seventeen episode wasnât always a good environment to let it out. Especially when GoSe was on the road, taking them to Jeju for the next two episodes.
Thankfully Jeonghan had talked you into coming along this time, saying heâd put you in his suitcase if he had to. It hadnât taken much convincing, you were sure youâd get to enjoy the island just a little, even if it was for work.
An hour flight and a fifteen- minute car ride later and the two of you were checked into your hotel room with plans to have dinner with the guys once youâd settled in. Some drinking and babysitting would be involved, no doubt. Jeonghan had taken the chance to nap of course even though the flight had been short. Very on character, heâd probably fall asleep again if given the chance.
Still waking up, he hauled his suitcase onto the king sized bed in the suite, taking a moment to glance around as he tucked his hair behind his ears. It wasnât the nicest suite heâd stayed in but it was still fairly good. It was two connected rooms. One with a large flat screen, a small table with two chairs, a sofa with a coffee table and stands to match. The other was the bedroom,the mattress seemed pretty comfortable from what he could feel with his hands and the closet space average, another tv mounted on the wall opposite the bed. Luckily there werenât too many mirrors outside of the bathroom so heâd already spotted the perfect place to do a live for Carats later on the trip.
Unzipping his personal suitcase he decided to get some things set out in case he came home drunk later on. While moving stuff around and setting them on the cream-white comforter, he happened to notice something was absent. Deciding not to think too much of it, he swapped out his hoodie for an oversized t-shirt and jacket for dinner. When you finally came out of the bathroom and began to do the same as him he glanced over at the contents of your suitcase and again did not find what he was looking for.
âBabe? Did you pack Shuji in my clothes?â, he commented as nonchalantly as he could, as if it didnât set a spark to his nerves, setting his suitcase in the closet area to worry about later. Rubbing his hands on his pants as they began to sweat, he looked at you, hoping you had the answer. Heâd never traveled without it since Joshua gave it to him, even if he didnât plan on regressing.
âHm? Oh. No-â, you thought for a moment trying to remember your packing process. The day youâd packed, only a week ago, Jeonghan had had a particularly exhausting day and youâd decided to help him regress, spending the evening snuggling and putting together a Lego set,â- you didnât pack him?â
Quickly you realized the mistake both of you had made. The bunny plush Jeonghan had grown so attached to sat at home in the center of your bed. He hadnât always been a plushy man, but Joshua, his first caregiver before you came along, was the first to notice Jeonghanâs habit of keeping something with him, usually spoons for comfort, to feel more secure. The plushy friend, named after Joshua, became something Jeonghan couldnât travel without. Most times it would sit at home, sometimes finding itâs place in his arms when he slept, but when he had a show or especially when he traveled, little bunny Joshuji was the first thing in his suitcase. A grown man getting anxious over such a thing, Jeonghan was already beating himself up.
âHold on. Let me check.â, you closed your own suitcase and went to the door to lug his other suitcase to the bed, only to find it filled with clothes as you worried it would be. When you looked up again, you found his anxiety reflected clearly on the outside as he stood tense, fists balled tightly at his sides, any emotion absent from his face as he swallowed loudly, trying to stay in control.
âJeonghan?â, you crossed the room, your fingers smoothing over the fabric of his jacket, straightening it, just a bit of comfort as you searched his face. But that little bit of comfort, your touch made his lip quiver and his nose twitch as he tried to fight off his tears.
âNeed somethingâŠâ, he jerked away from you, frantically closing his eyes, his hands clenching at nothing.
âWhat? What do you need?â, you stepped back, surprised that he wanted space instead of being his usually cuddly self and melting into your touch as he usually did. Instead his breath quickened and he wiped his hands anxiously against his pants, grabbing at the fabric. He only acted like this on the rare occasion he needed to fight off his regression. Jeonghan wasnât the type to regress involuntarily but that didnât mean it hadnât happened once or twice when he was stressed out of his mind.
âDunno.. something? Spoon?â, his eyes shut tighter for a moment, fluttering as he took a step back, then two until he met that wall, pressing his palms to the cold, smooth texture. But it wouldnât be so easy to go back to spoons or chopsticks after having his bunny.
âJoshuji. Want my bunny.â
Tears slipped from his pretty, tired eyes as sweet short sobs left his pretty lips before you could even try to look for a spoon or something to ground him.
âBaby⊠aw. Youâre so stressed arenât you sweetie.â, you sighed, cautiously reaching to pull his head to rest on your shoulder, which he gave into tensely but no longer resisted your comfort. It wasnât often something that seemed so small would make him regress.
âW-what am I gonna d-do?â, he stuttered, his hands quickly clinging tightly to your shirt, his tear streaked face snuggled into your shoulder. Jeonghan relied heavily on the stability of something like his bunny when the world around him was so out of his control. The relief that he could come home and recharge or carry is with him, it would always be there. You couldnât help but feel at fault for forgetting something so important.
âHannie, itâs okay. Hey, look. We can go out first thing tomorrow and get a new plushy friend and surprise your bunny Joshuji? Hm?â, curling his long dark hair around your fingers in a gentle, repeated motion, you soothed him and allowed him to cry his heart out, in between accepting and not accepting the fact that he couldnât have his bunny now or for the rest of the trip.
Walking him to the bed, sitting him next to you and removing his jacket, you kept his head on your shoulder. Though his tears began to slow, his eyes, nose and lips were already red and puffy.
âIâm so sorry, baby. Mommy forgot to pack him.â, you whispered with a heavy heart.
âWe get Shuji a friend?â, he asked sadly with a little nod between wet sniffles, looking at the floor while playing with the hem of your shirt.
âOf course. I promise, angel.â
Going out with the guys obviously wasnât an option anymore, Jeonghan had exhausted himself within less than an hour after arriving at the hotel. Sad Hannie was a needy Hannie. Especially when he was sleepy as he was getting, luring you to the head of the bed to lay in your arms and tiredly miss his little plushy friend.
âCheol?â, you asked, the background rather noisy but that wasnât out of the norm.
You didnât ask why he had Seungcheolâs phone, Hannie pouting up at you to make the phone call quick so it could be the two of you again.
âJeonghan isnât feeling well so weâre not coming out tonight. Let Cheol know. And donât let anyone drink to the point where they canât walk tonight because Iâm not coming to save you.â, chewing the inside of your cheek waiting for the noise and laughter on the other end to turn into words.
âYea, got it y/n! You and Jeonghan Hyung have fuun!â, you could almost hear the wiggle in his eyebrows. With a roll of your eyes you hung up and sighed, your little one snuggling closer again and becoming fluid against your body.
As you eyed the room, seeing if the television remote was within reach, Hannie drifted off on your chest, peacefully suckling the tip of his thumb. A distant knocking at the door, alerted you and made your little one squirm a little when he was so close to sleep. Youâd put the âdo not disturbâ sign out when youâd entered the room so it couldnât have been room service. Pressing your lips together firmly, you looked down at your baby with his eyes closed, eyebrows wrinkling together at the noise before relaxing again as he fell a little deeper, his dreams just in reach.
Another knock assured that whoever was interrupting your exhausted Hannieâs sleep was not going away.
âMommyâs gotta get up, angel. Go ahead and sleep. Iâll be right back, I promise.â, you tried to shimmy out of his hold but there was no way he was going to let you escape his hold without a fuss.
âNooâŠâ, he whined, sitting up with you, rubbing his eye with a pout. Sighing, you stood from the bed and held out your arms. If he was small enough for you to carry him around, heâd have crawled into your embrace easily. But instead he has to crawl out of bed, clinging to you as you brought him with you to answer the door.
Joshua turned back to the door as it opened, hanging up the call just as your phone began to ring.
âSorry.â, he gave a short laugh, observing the waddling, sleepy baby that clung to your shirt that lifted a hand to rub the sleepy from his eye.
âHey, buddy! Did uncle Shua wake you??â, Joshua spoke softly as he stepped through the door, closing it behind him and lowering his posture a bit to get a good look at the pouty angelâs face with a smile.
Not all of his members knew about Jeonghanâs regression, but Joshua was one of the trusted few that had filled in as his caregivers before youâd met.
âNuh-uhâ, Hannie gave Joshua a confused look before shaking his head sleepily. Though, Joshua definitely had.
Needing to de-stress after Hannieâs little breakdown, you were a little relieved Joshua showed up when he did.
Seeing his little guy with puffy, red eyes, Joshua could already tell you needed a break and a little help even if it meant he was on babysitting duty, time together with his Hannie wouldnât be the worst thing in the world. Putting his phone in his pocket and kicking off his shoes, he pat Hannieâs head and took his hand and walked him to the sofa, sitting down with the little one in front of him who had followed without question. Well, maybe a little question but he had the real life Shua right in front of him, the perfect replacement for his bunny would be the real thing wouldnât it? He certainly wasnât gonna fuss about that.
âItâs been a while since we got a good snuggle in, hasnât it, bubs?â, he gave Hannie a meaningful look, his soft Bambi eyes shifting to you, gesturing that he could take it from there.
Crawling into his lap, sleepily, Hannie snuggled against Joshuaâs shoulder contently, caring little about whatever show that had been put on to soothe him now that he had the attention of his Joshuji.
Seeing Hannie so comfortable with Joshua as circles were rubbed on his back, you relaxed, slipping on your shoes and grabbing your jacket to venture out and scavenge dinner for the three of you since no one would be going out tonight.
When you finally returned, settling on Kimchi jjigae since spaghetti didnât seem to be something you could quickly find in the area, you let yourself into the room as silently as possible, Joshua sat with Hannie in his arms, stroking the hair from his face and admiring him lovingly. It was picturesque, the two of them together.
âYouâre really a natural. You cared for him a lot before, didnât you?â, you smiled softly, hanging your coat and setting the takeout on the glass tabletop.
âA few of the guys, Cheolie, Dokyeom, and Myungho mainly helped out when the opportunity came up, but yea. It was mainly me and him for the past few years. Siince he first started regressing, really..â, he nodded, trailing off. The air was heavy with emotion; a shared appreciation of the other, your guilt and his regret. Moments passed before he continued, your fingers walking over the cool glass of the table, glancing away when your eyes lingered too long.
âIâm grateful he has you but I do miss this.â, the corner of his mouth curved up, contented to be able to have this bonding with his little one again, even temporarily.
Hannie whimpered, stirring from his sleep to find his arms empty of his plushie, making Joshuaâs instincts take over. His effortless aptitude, caring and passion for Hannie was decidedly his most attractive feature.
âHey, hey. Iâm here. Iâve got you. Iâm right hereâŠâ, he stroked Hannieâs cheek, making sure his pretty dark hair was out of his eyes so he could see clearly that Joshua was right in front of him. How quickly your angel seemed to settle left you in awe.
âDaddy here..?â, Hannie nodded, sniffling in his half awake state as Joshua cooed, calming him further. It had been a long time since his Daddy had been there to comfort him, he couldnât help but need reassurance.
âYes, little one-â, Joshua sent you a pained look of apology, he had nothing but pure respect and admiration for you but Hannieâs headspace came first, especially when he regressed this young, â- Daddyâs right here, angel.â
Hearing that, Hannie relaxed, his arms folded into his chest as he curled again his Daddy, until he realized something was missing, someone was missing.
âWhatâs going on, buddy?â, Joshua cooed as Hannieâs eyes fluttered open, but he was already lifting his head and looking around for what was missing.
âMommy??â, anxiously, his eyes darted from the door, around the room until he found you seated at the table. In all honestly, you couldnât help but have felt left out of their bond, but the way he searched for you, he needed you, it soothed the ache in your heart and brought a smile to your lips.
âIâm here, sweetie.â, you assured him.
Shifting in Joshuaâs lap to face you, he made sleepy grabby hands. Standing from your chair, you came forward to take his hand but he frowned, tugging at it a little.
âWhat is it, baby?â, you asked, but Joshua grinned, knowing exactly what the needy baby wanted.
âYou wanna cuddle with both Mommy and Daddy, angel?â, he questioned, looking up at you.
Hannie made a little noise of agreement which you pondered over. You felt a bit shy and anxious yourself in this situation, Joshua being his first caregiver. It wasnât that you were uncomfortable but you werenât sure you had the heart to take this from them. Itâd had to have been months since theyâd been able to have time together like this. Daddy and Hannie time.
âHow about, we fill little hannies tummy and then Mommy and Daddy can cuddle you until youâre sick of us?â, Joshua took the lead, helping a giggling Hannie sit up who was elated at the thought of having his two favorite people all to himself.
âMomma got stwawbie milk??â, he asked hopefully, lifting his head to search the contents of the table to see the familiar little carton.
âYes baby. But only one with dinner so it doesnât hurt your little tummyâ, you laughed, standing to set out places for the three of you.
Heaving Hannie up in his arms, Joshua lifted him from the couch easily, carrying a squealing little boy to the table, giggling and laughing.
âYea, no extra sugar for you, little man. Youâre getting heavy.â, Joshua teased. Of course he wasnât, but teasing was one of their love languages. Part of you wished you could carry your baby like that, so easily Joshua was able to make him feel small in every way he deserved.
Joshua looked to you, asking with his eyes if you wanna take him but it was refreshing to see the two of them like this. So a quick smile and Joshua was setting Hannie in his lap and feeding him every other bite as you all ate dinner together.
Just after theyâd finished, Joshuaâs phone rang, Cheol calling to check up on them. With a gentle pat on Hannieâs head, he left the bedtime bath to you.
Once the tub was filled with bubbles and Hannie settled in the warm water, playing with the travel sized soaps like little dolls, he asked you and interesting question.
âMommy like Daddy?â, he asked, walking the tiny bottles across the edge of the tub, mumble singing a made up tune.
Thinking on it for a moment, you remembered how Joshua had introduced himself as âUncleâ. Joshua truly was a gentleman, taking a step back to respect your relationship and distancing himself. But that wouldnât work with your stubborn baby boy at all.
âYea of course!â, you werenât exactly sure what heâd meant but Joshua was easy to be around, and two caregivers would always be better than one when their bond was as close as it was, âDo you like Daddy being around more??â
âLub Daddy and Mommy. Want mommy and daddy to hab lub too.â, he rested his head, squishing his cheek on the edge of the tub.
âSo cute.â, you pinched his other cheek and brushed it off as the innocent ramblings of a three year old. But your little matchmaker deserved a little more credit than that.
While you dressed Hannie, pulling his shirt down and over his head, Joshua walked into the bathroom as if it was the most natural thing in the world, taking the towel from the sink and playfully ruffling over Hannieâs damp hair.
âLetâs get you all dry, bubs.â, Joshua teased, peaking under the towel at Hannieâs giggling face, punching at his smiley, glowing cheeks.
âBut âm already dry, Daddy!â, while his body was dry, Hannie always forgot they still needed to dry his hair.
âOh are you? Huh, then maybe Mommy needs to dry off?â, Joshua asked, grinning as he threw the towel over your head.
Huffing, it took all your power not to laugh as you threw it back at Joshua who only gave you an impish bunny smile, sharing the moment with you before it was back to business..
âAlright, we gotta dry your hair for real this time, okay? Come here.â, swiftly, Joshua extended the corded hair dryer from the wall and called Hannie to sit on the floor between his legs and Joshua sat against the wall. Itâd be pointless to stand, the warmth was sure to have Hannie dozing off in no time.
Getting ready for bed yourself, you watched Joshua with nothing but patience, expertly dry your little angelâs hair as he all but fell asleep in his lap. Ignoring the flutter in your heart for the upteemth time seemed to be redundant. Having Joshua around was comforting, you were sure you could speak for both you and your little one. It was a talk for big Hannie, but for now, this was okay.
The moment the hair dryer was switched off, Hannie opened his eyes and frowned at the loss of the warmth, opting to turn into Joshuaâs arms. That was okay with Josh, heâd planned to carry him to bed anyways. Tucking Hannie into bed, you crawled in next to him. Joshua lay on his side over the covers, running his fingers through Hannieâs hair and staring between the two of you purposefully through the stillness as he planned his goodnight and goodbye.
âI should get going, angelâŠâ, he spoke regretfully, slow blinks eyes his eyes looked for yours.
You could only tell who he was speaking to because of the nickname heâd added, his gaze constantly shifting between the two of you.
âJoshuji!â, Hannie huffed in defiance, holding on to Joshuaâs shirt, tugging on it grumpily.
âWhat is it?â, Joshua laughed, sighing as he sunk back into the bed. You hadnât told Josh about forgetting Hannieâs bunny at home, he could have easily thought Hannie was just talking to him.
âMommy forgot his bunny at home. Looks like you have to stand in as a replacement.â, you giggled, earning a sleepy, amused twinkle from your little one as he agreed. Thinking for a moment Joshua rolled to turn off the lamp on his side of the bed, a smaller lamp still giving a dark glow to the room.
âIs this okay, bubs?â, he asked about the light, most of the time Hannie had a hard time sleeping if it wasnât completely dark.
âDaddy stay?â, Hannie asked, rolling to face him, his hands searching for Joshuaâs, playing with his welcoming fingers.
After an emotional evening, Hannie was finally out like a light with you drifting off beside him. But Joshua wasnât quite there yet. It really has been a long time since heâd felt something like this. Or even allowed to feel something like this. Jeonghan in front of him, his little one again in his arms, so easily slipping back into his heart and bringing someone along with him. He wasnât sure when a strand of your hair had fallen over your face, but on impulse, his fingertips were already there, brushing it back and waking you in the process.
âIâm sorry.â, he whispered with a wince, sending you a thoughtful smile, a blush one could only feel, radiating from his face in the darkness.
âShhh!â, you suppressed a giggle, doing your best not to wake Hannie who was deep in a much deserved slumber, though your heart was having other ideas, thudding, booming louder than a thunderstorm.
Those soft Bambi eyes again locked with yours as the two of you lay blissfully with your head against the fluffy hotel pillows. You werenât sure who fell asleep first but his warm, adoring gaze was the last thing on your mind when your eyes closed for the last time that evening.
đ§žEndnote: posting this as to not break my every Tuesday streak but I can promise part two will be out soon ă
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lowkey out here squealing and kicking my feet. Still canât believe this will be my longest work ever completed and itâs only part one. Anyways, you can bet on me to write the most delulu thing you can think of đ€© also I have this song looped 24/7 eheheh already working on part two and as always, feedback is much appreciated đđ€§đ I SWEAR Iâll post something other than Josh or Hannie the next few weeks!!! ~ đ¶đ°đ
