She probably wasn't the one, but no one is the one. You were laying on your bed and staring at the dark ceiling, the darkness of the room was wrapping around you in a nest of comfort. It hid everything you didn't want to see, everything you didn't want to hear or think about. A dark patronizing figure that hugs you in their chest and plugs your ears.

There wasn't a clock in that room, only your phone but you didn't pay attention to it, scrolling posts you only had eyes to the videos. Some of them were dance challenges, random videos of shows and movies that people gushed over in the comments, or moments of reality shows. The female voices stinged your ears, and their smiles melted in your eyes. The voice was loud, almost like it was right beside you...

"Hey! You in there?" you heard from the other side of the door. You immediately jumped up, leaving your phone to roll down the bed, and tiptoed to the door. "Come on, open up! You can't stay in your room all day," called the female voice. You put your head near the door and again she said, "Come on, open up. I just want to talk so please... open up."

You stood there for a moment until the voice formed an image in your head. Then you recognized her and opened the door. Her smile came in faster than the light of the hallway, but died down even faster after seeing you. Her neck stiffened as she took a step back.

"Here you are," she said, forcing a small smile.

"Jihan... What are you doing here? How did you get inside?" you asked. You would lie if you said you didn't want to see her, but this wasn't how you wanted her to see you.

"You gave me a spare key, don't you remember?" Jihan answered, taking it out of her purse, and then she said, "I'm here to check on you. Nobody has seen or heard from you for days."

You looked away and shoved one hand in your pocket while the other wandered behind your neck. Did she really come over here for you? Partially hidden in the room, you were scared of looking at her eyes. Already hurt, the last thing you wanted was to hurt her. This couldn't be happening.

"Hey, are you okay?" aked Jihan. "Did something happen?"

"No, nothing," you said. She knew the answer already, like everyone - everything is okay - but then no one would care less if the other answer was given. Jihan, however, was there for a reason.

"I can tell you're lying. Come on, we've been friends forever. You always told me what bothered you. You don't need to hold it in." You swallowed your saliva and stared at Jihan. Her eyes were waiting and her eyes ready to listen. But you didn't want to bother her any further.

"Really, nothing happened," you said and tried to say something else, "..." but no excuse came to your mind. "Yes, nothing."

"I'll bug you until you tell me!" she exclaimed, getting closer. Jihan raised her arm and poked your cheek. You flinched and stepped back and looked back only for her to do it again. And to your side. And poking your belly. Poke. Poke. Poke.

"Fine. I'll tell you," you surrendered. Jihan beamed and showed her dimples. It reassured you.

"Uhm... you remember the girl I was talking about? She found a boyfriend."

"Her?" Jihan recalled your past conversations and widened her eyes."Wait, she got a boyfriend? Since when?"

"Since two days ago."

"Oh, that's why. But you always hang out together."

"Not anymore."

"Right," Jihan said. She felt saddened but at the same time relieved by your answer. Jihan felt wrong for thinking so and quickly shook it off. "You deserve better. Don't worry."

"Honestly, I don't blame her..."

"What do you mean you don't blame her?" Jihan raised her voice and planted her hands to the sides.

"I mean, I don't really have anything to offer. She's better with the other guy, at least he tried instead of being scared and weak like me," you confessed. Jihan must've realized that as well, your classmates did. It was foolish of you to even think you had a chance. You were defeated but not angry. You emitted a long low sigh and hid more into the shadow, your hands into your pockets.

"Hey, listen. You don't need to be so hard on yourself. You're an amazing person and I'm... angry because you didn't realize that," said Jihan. "I'm not gonna say there are plenty of fishes in the sea, but it's not the end of the world. And to be honest... I'm kind of glad you are not chasing after her anymore."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, she was kind of... shallow. Yeah, I'm not sure if you could tell but we didn't really get along that well. She totally took advantage of how nice you are. God, she seemed so passive aggressive toward me."

You looked down to the floor. You wasted your time on this woman?

"Don't feel bad. Come here..." Jihan stepped closer and you felt her hand on your shoulder, coming down to your back. You raised your gaze to see her face centimeters away and then her head disappeared as she held you. Her chin was on your neck and her arms tightened on your back. She pressed hard your body, coming on her toes and tripping you over.

"I know it sounds kinda cliché but it really is her loss," Jihan whispered into your ear. Her voice was usually very bright but it turned down right now. More than a rush of wind, it was a gentle breeze caressing you.

"Do you mean it?" you asked, hiding more in her and coming out to hug her better.

"I really mean it. She totally overlooked how great of a guy you are!"

"You think I am a great guy? Me?"

"Of course I think you're a great guy. Who wouldn't?" Jihan sighed and stepped back to look at you. When she saw your smile she returned hers, bunny teeth, dimples and all. You missed it.

"You know what would help right now? Some cuddles!" Jihan suddenly exclaimed.

"Are you sure? I don't think..."

"Yeah, I'm sure. You look like you could really use some right about now. Come on, let's use your bed!" Jihan announced and raised her arm high, like a captain guiding her ship and she entered the room. But she didn't go to bed, instead she rushed to the window and opened it. The light came rushing in and hit you like a truck. "Oof. I can't breathe here. How did you stay here for so long?"

"Huh, it's not that bad," you said.

"No, It's really bad." Jihan laid on the bed and rolled around. "Hey, at least your bed still smells nice. Just get under these sheets, it's nice and warm under here."

You laid your knees on the edge of the bed and came on top. She was holding up the blanket for you and you hid underneath. She closed it and took you under her wing.

"Come here big guy. I know usually when we cuddle I'm the one being taken care of. But tonight, it's all about you." You laid down beside her but Jihan took you and guided you toward her. You usually wouldn't do it, she always looked so fragile and delicate, but this time she wanted it. You sniffed her scent and hugged her, laying your full weight on her. You didn't care. You need her.

"Yeah just like that, rest your head on my chest," Jihan whispered. You didn't think much of it, but it felt nice and more than that, it was... right. Snug and safe in her arms, on her chest, you smiled and let her comfort you.

Jihan chuckled and caressed your hair. "So what's on your mind? I mean, you've listened to me whine about all my guy problems in the past, It's only fair that I return the favor. So, come on, spill. I'm all ears."

"I don't want to be lonely... I don't think there is a girl for me," you said honestly.

"What? You're crazy, of course there's a girl out there for you," Jihan responded.

"Are you sure?"

Yes, I'm sure! Come on," she said, flustered and with slight embarrassment in her tone, "you... you're like the perfect guy. You're... smart, you're funny, you're so friendly all the time, and you're just always awesome to be around!" Her energy was getting to you, slowly penetrating your skin. "Yes I'm sure there's a girl out there for you, maybe you're not looking hard enough... Or, I don't know, maybe she's closer than you think..."

"What are you talking about?" you asked, curiously.

"Well it's just that..." Jihan whispered under breath, shutting whatever was coming out of her mouth. She held you a bit harder to suppress her words. But it didn't work and she suddenly got up and looked at you, furiously. You stared at her, at her glaring eyes, under her, at her reddened face.

"Why not me?!!" Jihan blurted out. "You're always talking about how you want to find a girlfriend, so why not me? We've been best friends for like 10 years now, and over the years we've grown closer and closer to the point where you're practically all I think about. I wake up thinking about you, you're the last thing I think about before I go to sleep, I dream about you... a bit more than I'd like to admit... And... I-I want to be more than friends."

You remained quiet. Frozen in shock.

"I wanna hold your hand, I wanna hug you in a different way, I wanna cuddle you in a different way, I want you to look at me the way you looked at her, and... I-I wanna kiss you." Her last words pierced you in a different way. If the others stabbed your arms and legs, this one directly pierced your heart, like a spear. You wanted to say something but choked. You wanted to move but froze. Jihan's face softened and there came panic. She stared at her sweaty palms, trembling and falling back. She laughed nervously and her eyes went all over the place. She really said it. Everything.

"Look, I know it's a lot of information, and I'm sorry for dropping it all on you at once but..."

"Why didn't you say that sooner?" you interrupted her.

"Well, I didn't want to risk losing you if things went bad. I couldn't imagine not having you around."

"I... like you too," you confessed. Jihan's eyes widened.

"Really?" she breathed.

"Yeah... but I thought I couldn't be with you so I always tried to find another girl to change my feelings, but they remained."

"Then you won't mind if..." Jihan whispered and... laid her lips on you. You were surprised at first but then closed your eyes, completely trusting her. Jihan didn't rush the kiss. It was slow and passionate, feeling you around, trying it and telling you what she felt. You understood everything.

Jihan breathed heavily, leaving your mouth and stared at you, she couldn't believe it. "I love you," you said and she kissed you again. You kiss again, and this time, it feels familiar. You know exactly how you fit together, your arms around her waist, her hands on your neck, the pressure of her lips on hers. You have each other memorized, it finally happened.

Her hand trailed around and crawled on top of yours. Her soft small hand laid in yours as your bigger hand wrapped your fingers within hers. It was a simple action but it gave her enough reassurance for her to talk again. And she looked at you with embarrassment but happily.

"I-love you too. I was so nervous to say that, but with you.. it just feels right," she confessed and a weight was lifted from her shoulders, leaving her floating with you. Everything around you disappeared.

"Can we stay here like this for a while?"

"Yes, of course," said Jihan. You tried to remove your hand but your pinkies were still linked together. You didn't want to let go and neither did she. So you cuddled while holding hands. This time she squeezed you and stroked her face into you, needing it more than anything else.

That girl, she wasn't the one. Because Jihan was the one.

"Hey," she called you. You listened. "I love you."

THE END