#jhenspeaks

She was your first.

She was your first date, first love, the first one you wanted to build a home and have a family with.

She was your first.

She was the first to meet your family. She became part of your family. She was the first girl your mother loved for you.

Yes, she was your first in many things but she, too, was your first heartbreak.

She was the first one to build you up and break you down. She knew you as much as you know yourself.

She may be your first but she will never be me.

She will never be the one who would pick you up when you think that you would never get back up because she wasn't even there when you needed her.

No matter what she does, she'll never be able to love you as much as I do.

She'll never know you more than I know you. She could never make you realize that you are worthy of every love one should give. She could never make you feel any happier and more contented.

My love, I know that I should never compare myself to her because there's a reason why she's there and I am here with you now.

I am glad, I was not your first.

🥀j.a

To the one who is continously hurting,

To the one who is brave enough to face tomorrow,

To you who is fighting silent battles,

Hold on.

Do not lose your grip.

Wait a little more.

So much goodness is coming. There may be mourning at night but joy is yet to come.

Hold on to hope.

Choose to love even more.

Choose love.

Know that He is good and His mercy overflows.

His grace suits perfectly in you.

He sees your tears.

He comforts.

You are not alone.

Goodness is here.

Goodness is coming to you.

You see her standing at the opposite side of street and she is about to cross as the red light starts to flash. You look at her intently and you notice how she looks better than the last time you saw her. She has her black leather bag in her shoulder with her corporate attire and semi high heels shoes. You smile at the thought that she managed to succeed, that the girl who once doubted herself is making herself proud now. You remember how this girl once treated you as her world. You start to wonder who has been with her during the times you've turned your back at her. You feel sudden clutch in your heart as the thought of someone is with her now, treating her right unlike what you did to her, someone who is making her the happiest, or maybe you still have your hopes high and think that you're still the man she thinks of living her life with.

Then she looks at you too, trying to figure out the feautures of your familiar face and she smiled at you too and bid a little wave. You don't know if that's for greeting you hello or for bidding goodbye or it could be both because there isn't much time for talking. She has grown up, that's all you ever tell yourself as she past by you.

She's not the same girl who begged you to come back when you decided to leave her. She looks different now, her eyes finally shines, it isn't as cold as ice anymore. Her hair fits perfectly in her face, she's prettier than before, she's better —she finally moved on. You wonder who's doing the job you refused to do. Years ago, she told you how much she loved you and she even apologized for not being good enough for you.

And right now, all you could ever do is to regret and blame yourself for letting her go.

To you, who feels overlooked,

I want to rebuke you by thinking that you are a shadow of someone else. That you are always at the back of the curtain while they are all shining on the spotlight. You feel like you are not worthy of their praises despite of how faithful you are in working but no one even noticed it.

You feel unappreciated.

You feel unimportant.

You feel overlooked.

But here's the tea beloved,

He sees you —everything that you are doing.

He is not after the good works you can do for Him,

He sees and appreciates you while everyone was appreciating someone else.

He sees you even when you think you failed Him.

He sees your passion in working and He wants you to be proud on yourself too just like how He feels for you.

He sees you while you are at the very end of the line, being the least of them.

He sees you while you are waiting for them to appreciate your work.

He sees you and He celebrates you.

You may find it hard to understand how His perfect love handpicked someone like you and no matter how seemingly insignificant what you are doing in this world's standard, He looks at you with delight.

Not one thing was missed in His eyes —and you may be at the end of the line, His eyes is searching for you and He utters "No better view than you, my Love."

Brave heart,

You don't need to.

You don't need people's validation to know how loved and adored you are.

You don't need their recognition because you are already acknowledged.

You don't need to compromise your faith just to please society.

Love, you are not made for this world and truth to be told, nobody can love you the way He does. You are the reason why He started the fight —the reason why He conquered the grave. You are the reason why heaven has been brought down.

Stop worrying too much about your reputation that you end up losing the person that He is making in you.

In His love there is no doubt.

In His love there is contentment.

In His love there is fullness of joy.

My life was shattered when you left. Devasted, lost, almost killed myself —that's what I was. It took me a while to realize that He has different plan for us because I always thought that no matter what happened, we'll end up together. I lose you, but I found myself. I realized how strong I really am. I realized that I was made to be a conqueror and it includes overcoming the past including ours. I've asked Him to bring you back into my life, thinking that having you again would make me feel better. They say if you really love someone, your heart won't get tired but I think, He allows the heart to give up, sometimes. He allows the heart to stop longing for the person who forgot your part in his life. He allows the heart to get tired too because He wants your heart to find rest in His presence alone. I got tired on waiting, on questioning myself why I was not good enough. I felt giving up and that's what I was most grateful for —me stepping out of my faith to give you up and allow myself to be happy again without you, without the thought of us. I am now healed through His grace. Honestly, I never thought that I can be this genuinely happy again even apart from you. I realized my worth. Looking back, I didn't mind losing myself worth while I kneel down and beg for you to come back even when you were already pushing me away. You were so rude and still chose to go away and hurt me. I came to my senses and I realized, I don't deserve your rejection.

I am not mad at you, I was never mad at you. I am still grateful for the things I have learned from us. I don't regret knowing you, you are indeed an amazing man. You're maybe one of my mistakes but I will always be glad you came in my life. Our story taught me a lot, from the start until its last chapter.

Thank you for coming. I will always pray that you'll know what genuine happiness is.

To the one who keeps motivating people,

I know there were times you need to hear the encouragement you need. I am sorry if no one has ever noticed you need healing too. I am sorry if no one noticed that you are just a human too, a human who gets tired and lost, a human who needs a hand for help. I am so sorry if no one is asking if you cry for help too. I am sorry if everyone expects you to have a perfect life because you chose to have a positive outlook in everything that you do.

Today, I want to pray for you. I pray that you continously encourage other people with your words and you never get tired on praying for them even in those time that you need it the most. I pray that you'll never stop helping people to see what has in store for them. I pray that whenever you feel discouraged and hopeless, you'll be able to go back to your first and greatest encourager, Jesus.

I know it will always be tough but do not forget who you are —you are an extension of His love. You are used by God mightily because He knows your heart's desire to honor His name. We need a person like you, the world yearns for you.

Please do not empty yourself even when you set aside your struggles for other people. You know where the source of life is. Let His love continue to overflow in your life as you let other people see that He is alive in you.

Brave soul, God bless your pure heart.

I am your first love.

But you have forgotten about me.

You forgot the love who chooses to stay when you are at your weakest. I love you still even when you have forgotten the love I have for you. You are mine and I will trade anything for you. You are treasured and I can only offer the best for you.

No man can ever claim you unless he asks you from Me. No man can call you "mine" unless He also embraced My love. Do not settle for temporary feelings, I know you tend to do things on your own but I bought you with a high price and you don't deserve left-overs. You are precious than rubies and diamonds and nothing can compare to you. You deserve a man who prioritizes My desires for you, a man who has a heart like Mine. A man who will love and treat you right because he loved Me first. A man who is brave enough to understand your 3AM rants and never gets tired on your emotional tenderness. You deserve a man who seeks me first before he pursue your heart.

Little one, you will know him, soon. It may not be today, tomorrow or it may take years but surely, it is according to My time. You are My forever princess, My precious one. Let no prince claim you unless he asks your hand to the King, Your heavenly Father, to Me.

I have painted the sky and hung the stars for you because you are worth loving and deserve a prince who is next to My heart, a prince who is a son of Mine.