synopsis moments in the life of jay and yn as a married couple.
paring chaebol husband/dad! jay x fem! reader
genre engaged! au, married! au, parents! au, fluff, angst, established relationship! au
warnings nothing is proof read (unfortunately), this is all fiction!!! nothing is to be taken seriously please, suggestive/18+ content at times (will mention it in the chapters), yn is not korean, they are very much in love with each other, lots of drama ngl, more to be added...
nessie 🗯️ surpriseeee (not really) but here's the return of husband diaries.. with jay!!!! a lot of y'all really loved this series with sunghoon so it made sense to bring it back and with jay UGH the dream ideal husband <3 just a little heads up that he's gonna make you feel insanely single but wtv he's the dream :3 ANYWAY, i hope y'all enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing this. love all of y'all cuties kissies and love <3
01. dinner with the parks 02. happy days around the mansion 03. wedding errands 04. wine drunk 05. kiss me now? 06. mishaps 07. internal conflicts 08. heavy head 09. all of you 10. stupid stick 11. wedding chaos 12. wedding bells 13. reception 14. speeches and polaroids 15. like this for the rest of our lives, please 16. TO … uh… where are we going jay? 17. yellow bikini 18. day one in amsterdam 19. changing rooms 20. sleepy lips 21. nude beach 22. home seattle home 23. back to work 24. fender bender 25. the real boss 26. can’t talk like that 27. tailing 28. workaholics 29. kick, please? 30. water broke 31. aiden evan park 32. mama’s boy 33. never again 34. not going anywhere 35. from you 36. moonlit boys 37. thumb war 38. boxy grin x2 39. crawl monster 40. separation anxiety 41. bumpy head 42. dada’s day out 43. poor baby 44. granola mash 45. lash out 46. let me take care of you 47. don’t regret me
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genre: coming-of-age, new adult, personal growth, sexual tension, fams dynamic, lovehate
wordcount: 37k (the longest I've ever made istg)
warning: harsh words
a/n: I'm using his real identity, to stay realistic bc it also has to do with his favorite lover - guitar. so don't put it to heart the bad side fyi I dare not be jealous ok love ya 𖹭
A car nearly hit you as you practically floated across the street in a daze after leaving the attorney's office. All these years, you’d tried so hard not to think about him. Now, he was all you could think about. Flashes of him invaded your mind. His dark hair, his laughter, the strum of his guitar, the deep sadness and disappointment in his gorgeous eyes the last time you saw him 9 years ago.
You was never supposed to face him again, let alone own a house with him. Living with Jay was not an option, even if just for the summer. It was probably more like there wasn’t a chance in hell that Jay was going to agree to share a house with you. Whether you liked it or not, though, the beach house in Newport was common property now. Not yours. Not his. Fifty-fifty.
“What the hell was Ameryn thinking?” You’d always known she cared deeply about him, but there was no way you could have predicted the extent of her generosity. He wasn’t even related to you, but she’d always thought of him as her grandson. You picked up your phone and scrolled down to Nagyung’s name. When she picked up, you let out a sigh of relief.
“Where are you?” you asked.
“On the west side. Why?”
“Can you meet up? I really need to talk to someone.”
“Are you okay?”
Your mind went blank before slowly filling again with fragmented thoughts of Jay. Your chest tightened. He hated you. You’d avoided him for so long, but you was really going to have to face him now. Nagyung’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts.
“Are you still there?”
“Yeah. Everything’s fine, where are you again?”
“Meet me at the falafel place. We’ll have an early dinner and talk about whatever is going on.”
“Okay. See you in ten.”
Nagyung was a fairly new friend, so she knew little about your childhood or teen years. You taught together at a local charter school in Providence. You had taken today off to meet with your grandmother’s attorney, the smell of cumin and dried mint saturated the air inside of the fast food Nagyung waved from a corner booth, a piled-high styrofoam container of tahini covered chicken kabobs and rice already planted in front of her.
“You’re not gonna get anything to eat?” she asked with her mouth full, a dollop of yogurt sauce coated the side of her mouth.
“No. I’m not hungry. Maybe I’ll take something to go on the way out. I just needed to talk.”
“What is going on?” your throat felt parched.
“Actually, I need something to drink first. Hang on.” The room felt like it was swaying as you made your way to the refrigerator by the counter and returning from purchasing a bottle of water, you sat down and let out a deep breath. “I got some pretty crazy news today at the lawyer's office.”
“Okay…”
“So, obviously you know I went there because my grandmother passed away a month ago.”
“Yes.”
“I was just meeting with the attorney to go over her estate turns out she left me all of her jewelry and half of her summer house on Aquidneck Island.”
“What? The beautiful house in that picture on your desk?”
“Yeah. That’s the one. We’d always go there a lot in the summer when I was younger, but in recent years, she’d rented it out. The property had been in her family for generations. It’s older, but it’s beautiful and overlooks the water.”
“Y/n, that’s amazing. Why do you seem so upset?”
“Well…she left the other half to a guy named Jay Park.”
“Who is that?”
“He was just a boy I grew up with. My Ameryn took care of him while his parents worked. Jay’s house was on one side, mine was on the other, and Ameryn’s was in the middle.”
“So, he was kind of like a brother to you?”
“We were close for many years.”
“From the look on your face, I get the feeling that something changed?”
“You’d be right.”
“What happened?”
There was no way you could handle rehashing it all. Today had already been too much for you to absorb. You would give her a shorter version.
“Basically, I found out he was keeping something from me. And I freaked out. I’d rather not get into it. But let’s just say I was fifteen at the time and having a really hard time handling my hormones and my issues with my mother. I made a rash decision to move away and live with my dad.”
Swallowing the pain, you said, “I left everything behind in Providence and moved to New Hampshire.”
Thankfully, Nagyung didn’t pry as to what the secret was. That wasn’t the issue you needed to talk about today. It was more important for her to help you figure out your next step than for you to be opening old wounds.
“So, you basically ran away from it all rather than dealing with it.”
“Yeah. Ran away from my problems…and from Jay.”
“You haven’t spoken to him since?”
“After I left, there were several months where there was no contact. I felt so guilty about the way I handled things. I did eventually try to see him and apologize once I came to my senses, but by then it was too late. He didn’t want to see me or talk to me..”
“..I can’t say I blamed him. He’d moved on, got in with a different crowd and then eventually moved to New York soon after graduating high school. We just completely lost touch, but he stayed in contact with Ameryn apparently. She was like a second mom to him.”
“Do you know what’s become of him?”
“I haven’t looked him up. I’ve always been too scared to find out.”
“Well, we need to take care of that right now.” She put down her fork and dug inside her purse for her phone.
“Whoa? what are you doing?”
“You know I’m a self-proclaimed professional stalker.”
Nagyung smiled. “I’m looking him up on Insta. Jay Park, you said his name was? And he lives in NYC?”
Covering your eyes. “I can’t look. I won’t look. There are probably hundreds of guys named Jay Park out there anyway. You probably won’t find him.”
“What does he look like?”
“The last time I saw him, he was 16, so I’m sure he doesn’t look the same. He has messy hair, though.”
He was really cute. You can still see his face like it was yesterday. You could never forget it. Nagyung was reading aloud information for the different Jay popping up on Instagram. Nothing stood out until she said, “Jay Park, New York, musician at BAM Acoustic Guitar.”
Your heart dropped, and to your surprise, you could feel tears trying to fight their way through your eyelids. The emotions rising to the surface so fast were unsettling.
It was as if he’d come back from the dead. “What did you just say? Works where?”
“Just In Time Acoustic Guitar? Is that him?” The words wouldn’t come out, so you stayed silent, pondering the name it was the same one he’d always used even as a kid playing guitar on your street corner.
“That’s him,” you finally conceded.
“Oh my God, Y/n!”
Your heart started to pound faster. “What?”
“This guy is…”
“What? Tell me,” you practically yelled before downing the rest of your water.
“He’s gorgeous. Absolutely freaking gorgeous.” Covering your face, you said, “Please don’t tell me that.”
“Take a look.”
“I can’t.”
Before you could refuse again, Nagyung shoved the phone in front of your face. It shook in your hands as you took it. From what you could see in the one photo, he was beautiful just like you remembered, but at the same time, really different. Grown up.
He was wearing a gray beanie and had a fair amount of chin scruff that he was never able to grow when you knew him. In the profile pic, he was leaning into a guitar and looked like he was about to sing into a microphone. The look on his face was intense and gave you the chills. When you went to click on the other photos, it wouldn’t let you in because his profile was set to private.
Nagyung reached out for the phone. “He’s a musician?”
“I guess so,” you said, handing it back to her.
You muttered to yourself. ‘He used to write songs for me.’
“Are you going to contact him?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I guess I don’t even know what to say to him. Whatever is meant to happen will happen. I’ll end up having to talk to him eventually. I’m just not gonna be the one to make the first move.”
“How exactly is this housing arrangement going to work anyway?”
“Well, the attorney gave me a set of keys and told me that another set was sent to Jay. Both of our names will be on the deed. Ameryn also set aside some money to be used for house repairs and maintenance to the property during the off season. I’m assuming he’s been made aware of all of the same info.”
“You don’t want to sell the house, right?”
“No way. There are too many memories, and it meant so much to Ameryn. I’m going to use it this summer and then maybe eventually rent it out if he agrees to it.”
“So, you have no idea how he plans to use his half? You’re just going to show up there in a few weeks, and if he’s there, he’s there, and if he’s not, he’s not?”
“Pretty much.”
“Oh, this is going to be interesting.”
*****
At 24, you was single again and starting a new life in Newport for the summer. Your teaching job in Providence afforded you summers off. Your hope was to find a temporary job for the season, but for now, you just wanted to enjoy a few weeks of relaxation.
Returning from downtown Newport with your bag of crustaceans one night, you noticed that the front door to the house was wide open.
“Did I forget to lock it? Was it the wind?” your heartbeat accelerated when you entered the kitchen to find a tall, leggy chick with short, cropped platinum blonde hair. She looked was stocking the cabinets. You cleared your throat.
“Hello?” She turned around before covering her chest.
“Oh my god. You scared me.”
Walking over to you smiling, she held out her hand. “I’m Yunjin”
With fine features, high cheekbones and that pixie cut, Yunjin could have been a model. You was the complete opposite from her physically with your long and dark hair, and curvy figure.
“I’m Y/n. Who are you?”
“I’m Jay's girlfriend.”
“Oh…I see. Where is he?”
“He just went to the market and the liquor store.”
“How long have you been here?”
“We just arrived about an hour ago.”
“How long are you staying?”
“Not sure really. We’re just gonna see where the summer takes us. Neither of us were expecting this development..you know, the house.”
“Yeah, I know.” You looked down at the French-manicured toes peeking out of her heels.
“Do you work?”
“I’m an actress, actually on Broadway. Off Broadway for now. I’m in between jobs, but I’ll probably be going back and forth to New York for auditions. What do you do?”
“I’m a middle school teacher. So, I get the summers off.”
“Oh, that’s really cool.”
“Yeah. It’s fun.”
“Where does Jay work?”
“He works from home right now. He sells software. He can work from anywhere. He also performs. You know he’s a musician, right?”
“Actually, I don’t know much about him anymore.”
“What happened between you two anyway? If you don’t mind my asking.”
“He’s never told you anything about me?”
“Just that you grew up together and that you’re Mrs. A’s granddaughter. Honestly, he never mentioned you at all until we got that letter from the attorney.”
Even that was expected, it made you sad. “That’s no surprise.”
“Why do you say that?”
“It’s kind of a long story.”
“Did you guys ever date?”
“No. It was nothing like that. We were just good friends, but we drifted apart after I moved away.”
“I see. This whole thing is a little weird, right? I mean, inheriting a house like this out of nowhere?”
“Well, my grandma was very generous, and she loved Jay very much. My mom is her only child, and she loved Jay like a grandson, so—”
“Your grandma left the house to you and not your mom?”
“Mom and her had a bit of a falling out some years ago. Thankfully, they made amends before she died, but things were never really the same again.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thanks.”
Yunjin opened her arms to pull you into a casual hug. “Well, I really hope we can be friends. It will be nice to have a girl around to shop with, check out the island.”
“Yeah. That’d be nice.”
“I hope you’ll have dinner with us tonight?” You wasn’t ready to face him. You needed to make up a story and get out of here. “Actually, probably not tonight. I’d better be leaving.”
“That’s what you’re good at, isn’t it?” a deep voice you hardly recognized interrupted you from behind.
“What’s that?” you asked, swallowing nervously and refusing to turn around to look at him.
“Leaving,” he said louder. “That’s what you’re good at.”
Your breathing was ragged, but it was when you turned around that you nearly lost it. Jay was standing in front of you, and you swear it was like the boy you’d left behind had been swallowed up by a lean mass of muscle.
He just looked so different from what you remembered years ago. The anger on his face was transparent and somehow made him even more incredibly hot. It just would have been better if it weren’t directed toward you. His skin was a beautiful shade of bronze that complemented the natural golden streaks in his dark hair.
The smooth face you remembered was now rough. A rope and barb wire tattoo wrapped around his bicep. He was wearing camouflage cargo shorts with a tight white ribbed tank that hugged his chiseled chest. An indeterminate amount of time passed as you just took him in. Even though you was too stunned to say anything, your heart was screaming.
You knew deep down your reaction wasn’t just because of your physical attraction to him. It was because despite all of the changes, one thing had stayed exactly the same. His eyes. They reflected the same hurt that you remembered from the very last time you saw him. His name finally managed to roll off your tongue. “Jay…”
“Yes.” The deep, throaty sound of his voice vibrated through you.
“I wasn’t sure if you were ever going to show up.”
“Why wouldn’t I have?” he sneered.
“Well, I thought maybe you were avoiding me.”
“You’ve overestimated your significance to me. Of course, I was going to come. This is half my house.”
His words stung. “I didn’t say it wasn’t. It’s just, I hadn’t heard anything from you.”
“Interesting how that goes.”
Clearly uncomfortable with the sparring, Yunjin cleared her throat. “I was just asking Y/n if she wanted to have dinner with us tonight. Maybe you guys can catch up.”
“Apparently, she already has plans.” You turned to him.
“Why do you say that?”
“Oh, I don’t know, because you’re holding a bag that smells like dirty snatch?”
“It’s fresh seafood.”
“Doesn’t smell very fresh to me.”
“God. We haven’t seen each other in five years, and this is how you act?”
You turned to Yunjin. “Is he always this rude?” Before she could answer, he cracked, “I guess you bring it out in me.”
“You think Ameryn would be happy right now with your attitude? Something tells me she didn’t leave us this house so that we could fight with each other.”
“She left us both this house because we each meant something to her that doesn’t mean we have to mean anything to each other. Anyway, if you cared so much about what she thought maybe you shouldn’t have run away.”
“That’s a low blow.”
“The truth hurts, I guess.”
“I tried to contact you, Jay. I–”
“I’m not talking about this now, Y/n.” He said, speaking through gritted teeth. “It’s old news.”
It was unnerving to hear him to calling the name like that. Aside from the very first day you’d met, he’d always called you Patch or Patchy. Hearing your name come out of his mouth felt like a slap in the face for some reason, like he was trying to emphasize how much you’d grown apart.
Jay went from hot to cold as he shut down, heading back outside to retrieve the groceries from his car but not before slamming the door behind him. You shuddered, looking over at Yunjin whose eyeballs were moving back and forth from side to side in confusion. “Well, that was a nice start,” you joked.
“I don’t know what to say. I’ve never seen him act like that toward anyone to be honest. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. Believe it or not, I probably deserve it.”
The only thing worse than the rude reception he’d given you was his blatantly ignoring you during dinner and for the rest of that night. That hurt more than anything he could have ever said to you. You thought the evening was horrible, lack of sleep assured that the next morning was even worse. Apparently, Jay found a way to take out his anger by taking it out on Yunjin.
Let’s just say playing guitar wasn’t the only talent he’d fully developed over time. Yunjin's moaning in the middle of the night as Jay pounded into her woke you up in the middle of the night. The walls literally shook, it was impossible to go back to sleep after that.
You tossed and turned your thoughts alternating between rehashing Jay's words to you from earlier to imagining what that scene in the other room actually looked like.
You used the opportunity to admire his stature and the flawless skin of his defined, shirtless back. Black gym pants hugged his beautifully round a**. You never realized how incredible his a** was. Your physical attraction to him really irked me under the circumstances, but that didn’t stop you from checking him out.
Squinting, you unsuccessfully tried to figure out what it was. He startled you when he suddenly turned around and met you with an incendiary stare. “Do you always ogle people when you think they can’t see you?”
You swallowed the lump in your throat. “How did you know I was standing here?”
“I could see your reflection in the window, genius.”
“You didn’t even flinch. I didn’t think you noticed me.”
“Clearly.”
“Are you trying to make me hate you or something? Because you’re doing a pretty damn good job.”
Jay didn’t answer your question. Instead, he just turned back around toward the window.
“Why do you do that?” you asked.
“Do what?”
“Say things to piss me off then shut down?”
He continued to speak to the window, “Would you rather I just continue to piss you off? I’m trying to get my anger in check with you, Y/n. You should be happy I know when to stop unlike some people.”
“Will you at least look at me when you’re talking to me?”
He turned around and walked toward me slowly then leaned his face in. You could feel his words on my lips when he asked, “Is this better? You’d rather me in your face like this?” you could practically taste his breath.
Your entire body felt weak from the close contact, so you backed away. “I didn’t think so,” he snarled. You walked over to the refrigerator and opened it, pretending to look for something. It annoyed you that your peaceful mornings were a thing of the past.
“You always get up this early?” you asked.
“I’m a morning person.”
“I can see that so bright and cheery,” you said, sarcastically.
“Some of us need sleep, though.”
“I slept just fine last night.”
“Oh, I know after you traumatized me. You must have passed out after all that screwing could you two have been any louder last night?”
“Well, excuse me. If I can’t f*ck in my own house where do you expect me to do it?”
“I didn’t say you couldn’t do it. Just be more respectful.”
“Define respect.”
“Doing it quietly.”
“Sorry. I don’t f*ck quietly.”
As much as you hated that answer, you somehow felt that those words would be repeating in your head later tonight.
“Forget it. Clearly, you don’t know the meaning of respect.”
“Respect you? Why? Because you’re not getting laid? Why don’t you hook up with some salty dude down at the dock? Maybe then you won’t care so much about other people’s business.”
“Salty dude?”
“Yeah. You know, the guys that live on the boats the ones who sell you that nasty fish you were eating last night.”
You just shook your head and rolled your eyes, refusing to dignify that comment with a response. He surprised you when he suddenly lifted the carafe. “Want some coffee?”
“Now you’re being nice?”
“No, I just figured you’re sticking around for some reason. It must be the coffee.”
“This is my kitchen.”
He winked. “Our kitchen.” Grabbing two mugs from the cabinet, he asked, “How do you take yours?”
“Cream and sugar.”
“I’ll take care of it while you go put on a bra.”
You looked down at your b**bs which were hanging freely beneath your white t-shirt not expecting to run into him this early, you hadn’t thought to put one on. Too embarrassed to acknowledge the fact that he’d noticed, you went back to your room and got dressed when you returned he was back at the window drinking his coffee.
“Is this better?” you asked, referring to your dress. He turned around and gave you a once over.
“Define better. If better means I can’t see your tits anymore…yes, it’s better. If better, means you look better, that’s debatable.”
“What’s wrong with this?”
“It looks like you sewed it yourself.”
“Actually, it’s from one of the shops on the island. It is handmade.”
“Out of a potato sack?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Maybe?”
He snickered. “Your coffee’s on the counter, raggedy ann.”
Your inclination was to try to come up with a comeback but then you realized that was probably what he wanted, you needed to kill him with kindness instead of showing your anger. “Thank you. That was nice of you to make it for me.”
You took a sip and immediately spit it out. “What did you put in this? It’s so strong!”
Instead of answering you, he just started to crack up. His laughter resonated through the kitchen and as much as you hated that it was at your expense, it was the first time he’d laughed. It took you back in time for a moment and served as the only real reminder that the smoking hot a**hole in front of you used to be your bestfriend.
“You don’t like it?”
“It’s a bit strong. What is it?”
“It’s coffee fusion, actually.”
“What does that even mean?”
Jay sauntered over to the cabinet and took out a can and a package. “It’s my own recipe. Cuban coffee mixed with this one.” He pointed to the black packaging that had a white skull and crossbones on it.
“What the hell is that?”
“It’s coffee. I order it online. Nothing else is caffeinated enough for me.”
“That’s why you wanted to serve it to me, wasn’t it? You knew I’d hate this concoction.”
He simply let out that raspy laugh of his again, except this time, he was laughing way harder than before. Yunjin entered the kitchen, wearing a long black t-shirt that must have been the one he wasn’t wearing.
“What’s so funny?” Jay's mischievous eyes peeked from behind his mug.
He snickered. “We were just having coffee.”
Yunjin shook her head. “You didn’t drink his mud, did you? I don’t know how he likes that stuff.” You reminded yourself of your plan to kill him with kindness. Taking another sip of the coffee, you nodded.
“Actually, at first taste, it was pretty strong, but I actually think I really like it.” It was disgusting.
“You’d better be careful. That sh*t is potent. Jay is immune to it, but the one and only time I drank it, it kept me up for like four days.”
Jay laughing. “Apparently, we kept Y/n up last night.”
Yunjin turned to you. “Oh, sh*t. I’m sorry.”
Shrugging, you said, “It’s no big deal. I got used to it after a while.”
“Was that when you decided you wished you could join in?” he cracked.
You wasn't going to respond to that. The more you looked over at his smug expression, the more determined yoi became to finish the entire damn mug of coffee to spite him. “I’m really surprised at how much I’m actually liking this,” lied.
Yunjin chose to ignore Jay's earlier comment. “What do you say after breakfast we head to town, Y/n? I’d love it if you could show me around the island.”
“Alright. That would be nice.”
She walked over to him and wrapped her arm around his waist. “You want to come with us, babe?”
Jay said before finishing off the last of his coffee and putting the cup in the sink. “No. I have sh*t to do,”
“Okay. Just the girls then.”
The coffee had turned you into a spaz. As Yunjin and you walked around Newport that morning, she kept having to tell you to slow down. Apparently, in her heels, she couldn’t keep up with you. At one point later in the afternoon, you stopped to rest your legs. Yunjin and you sat on a wooden bench overlooking the dozens of docked sailboats as the sun shined over the water.
“So, how did you and Jay meet?” you asked.
“I was in the audience at this club called Showbox in Seattle, Jay was performing there that night. He was eyeing me the whole time he was singing and after the show, he came to find me. When he said he was thinking of me while he was singing the last song, I nearly died. We’ve been inseparable since.”
Your face felt hot. You wasn’t willing to admit to yourself that it was jealousy. The thought of them connecting so intimately while he was in the middle of performing made you uncomfortable for some reason. Maybe because it reminded you of the songs he used to write for you. You’d think nothing would bother you after having to endure their f*cking last night.
“What kind of music does he play now?”
“Well, he does some covers of artists like Drake, but he also writes a lot of original stuff. He mostly plays clubs, but his manager has been trying to get him a music deal. Of course, the girls all go crazy over him. That part has taken some getting used to for me.”
“I’m sure it’s hard.”
“Yeah. Big time.” She tilted her head. “What about you? No boyfriend?”
“I just got out of a relationship.” You confide in her as if she were just a normal friend to you.
On the way home, you passed Yeonjun’s on the Beach, a restaurant that was known for live music at night and really good food. A sign out front read, Temporary Summer Help Wanted. Since there was a university just over the bridge, a lot of the students went home in the summer, leaving some of the local restaurants in need of temporary wait staff. You stopped short in front of the entrance.
“Do you mind if I go in and inquire about this?”
“Sure. I’d actually like to check it out, too.”
Both Yunjin and you had waitressing experience so you sat down and filled out applications, by the time you walked out of there, we each had a job. The manager basically told you could work any night you wanted. The extra money and flexibility was impossible to pass up, Yunjin was particularly happy that he’d told her it was no problem if she had to suddenly cancel a shift in the event she got called back to Manhattan for an audition. You were each going to start tomorrow.
That night, Yunjin thought you should celebrate new jobs over dinner and drinks on the upper deck back at the house. It hadn’t dawned on you how peaceful being away from Jay all day had been. When you walked in the door, butterflies started to swarm in your stomach again as soon as you smelled his cologne.
Jay was standing in the kitchen drinking a beer when Yunjin ran over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Jay was tall over six feet but Serim wasn’t that much shorter than him. Next to both of them, you was basically a midget. He cleaned up nice, Jay had changed out of his camouflage shorts from earlier into dark jeans and a gray shirt with black stripes that hugged his chest. He’d done something to his hair that you couldn’t pinpoint. She ran her fingers through his hair then kissed him.
“I missed you. Guess what? We both got jobs at this restaurant on the beach.”
“Did you tell them you could get called back to New York anytime?”
“The guy said it didn’t matter. He said I could basically just work whenever I want.”
“Really. That sounds a bit shady to me. But whatever. You sure he doesn’t just want in your pants, Serim?”
“He said the same thing to me,” you interrupted.
“Well, then it can’t be that.”
It took you a bit to realize that he’d just insulted you. Yunjin intercepted before you could muster up a comeback.
“It’s mild out. How about we all have dinner on the upstairs deck tonight. We could barbecue that steak I have marinating in the fridge.”
You didn’t have the heart to tell her you don’t like red meat, so you just kept quiet. He would probably think you was looking for an excuse not to have dinner with them. Kill him with kindness. “I’m not that great of a cook, but I can make a big salad.”
Jay smacked the counter. “Great. I’ll start the grill while Y/n tosses her big salad.” He started to walk outside when you yelled after him.
“You know what Ameryn would say to you right now? She’d tell you to go wash your dirty mouth out with soap.”
He turned around and lifted his brow. “Soap wouldn’t cut it.”
After chopping up lettuce, carrots, red onion, tomatoes and cucumbers, you dressed the salad with homemade honey mustard vinaigrette. You carried it upstairs where Jay and her were already sitting down at the table. She had poured three glasses of merlot, and Jay was sipping one as he looked over at the waves, which were rough tonight.
Once you started eating, Jay wouldn’t look at you or make conversation. You filled your plate with salad and bread, and it took a while before anyone noticed that you wasn’t eating anything else. Yunjin’s mouth was full when she said, “You didn’t even touch the steak.”
“I don’t really like to eat meat.”
Jay chuckled. “Is that why you can’t find a man?”
You dropped your fork. “You’re a prick seriously I don’t recognize you anymore, how were we ever best friends?”
“I used to ask myself that all the time before I stopped giving a sh*t.”
You got up from the table and went downstairs. Leaning against the kitchen counter, Yunjin in and out slowly to calm yourself down, she came up quietly behind you.
“I really don’t get what’s going on between you two or why he refuses to talk about it.”
“Are you sure you guys never dated?”
“I told you, Yunjin. It wasn’t anything like that.”
“Will you tell me what happened?”
“I think he should be the one to explain it to you. Honestly, I don’t know. Anything that happened before that is irrelevant now. He’s pissed because of how I handled something or just running away, that's how i survive. Let’s just go back upstairs and try to have a nice dinner.”
Back on the upper deck, Jay was stone-faced, pouring more wine into his glass. A part of you wanted to slap him across the face, but another part felt guilty that you had caused so much anger in him. He said he didn’t care, but you refused to believe he would be acting up like this if he didn’t.
You touched his arm. “Will you just talk to me?”
He whipped his arm away. “I’m over it. I’m not talking about anything.”
“Will you do it for Ameryn?”
His head flipped up, and his eyes darkened. “Stop f*cking bringing her into this. Your grandma was a wonderful woman. She was the mother I never had. She never turned her back on me like pretty much everyone else in my life. This house is a representation of your mom, which is why I’m here.”
“I’m not here because of you. You want me to talk, but what you don’t seem to understand is that I don’t have anything to say about anything that happened almost a decade ago. I’ve erased it all. It’s too late, Y/n. I don’t care if you and Yunjin become friends, alright? But don’t bother trying to get through to me because we’re not gonna be friends,”
“..you put me in a sh*t mood, and I don’t want to spend this whole summer in a sh*t mood. We’re roommates. Nothing more. Stop pretending there is something more to it. Stop pretending to like the goddamn coffee. Stop pretending everything is just great. Cut the sh*t and see things for what they are. We don’t mean anything to each other.”
He got up and took his plate. “I’m done, Yunjin. I’ll see you in the room.”
Yunjin and you sat in silence, listening to nothing but the sound of the waves crashing beneath you. “I’m so sorry, Y/n.”
“Please. Don’t, okay? He’s right. Sometimes, you can’t fix things.” Despite the complacent words that had come out of your mouth, a tear fell down your cheek.
Synopsis: Wounds came and went. All in the circle of life am I right? The greatest warrior among all the kings, Park Jay. For him, seeing blood was like seeing the sky. It was a daily routine which he could not escape. Yes sometimes he had grave injuries, which he wouldn't stop to take care of, with him being a workaholic. But sometimes healers do more than heal physical wounds, and for Jay, you did exactly that.
Pairings: King!Jay × healer!fem!reader
Warnings: angst, fluff, no smut (yet hehe), mentions of blood, violence, domestic abuse, mentions of cheating, mistresses (don't read it if you can't handle it), mentions of food, Jay has a REALLY tragic past sorry bout that, reader is an orphan, also this is really dramatic IM SORRY I CANT NOT WRITE DRAMA, open ending oohh
A/N: EYYY MR JAY PARK WOOHOO Ngl I was so excited to write this but the exams and all made this kinda difficult to write so if anyone has been waiting for this I'm sorry for the extremely long wait. Also yes this wil be in three parts yay. @yunabi436 this is for you baby 😽
Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3
The French Quotes Series Masterlist
"And from Aphrodite's rotten lovesick blood did the white flowers turn into a darker shade of red, eternally forming the flower of love."
Aphrodite and the hunter Adonis' tale had been one of boars, blood, lust and love.
For the young king of the iron-kingdom of Vadronia (rightly given its moniker), the only thing he cared about in all of those four things were the boars and the blood.
Jay Park's kingdom wasn't the strongest in all of Paradoxica just in a penny's wish and a flick of a tail feather. It was quote unquote 'molten from iron itself' as all its rulers were.
From all of his brothers, Jay was probably the one who took his duties as a warrior seriously.
Well, a bit too seriously, according to the said brothers.
"Jay would you please stop running so fast?" Sunghoon panted, putting his hands on his knees and breathing heavily as beads of sweat dripped from his hair and skin.
The mud track was always the hardest one to trench upon, and with Jay on your trail? It was hell. Atleast that's what Jake and Sunghoon described it as.
"Are you going to be saying that when you're running from enemy horses?" Jay turned back and glared at Sunghoon, the light autumn breeze giving him peace as it whipped his hair around.
"For God's sake Jay, no one is going to invade us now." Heeseung walked into the scene, with much less sweatier clothes and an arrow clutched in his hand, indicating he had come back from his target practice, "Give the poor guys a break."
"Yes please give us a break I'll go down on my knees." Jake was close to collapsing on the floor, his hand desperately clutching onto the nearby flag pole for support.
"You'd go down on your knees for your best friend." Jay scoffed, throwing his head back to shake the sweat out of his hair follicles, because as glorious as they were, the stray strands still annoyed him, "And you." He turned towards Heeseung, who, even though was much taller than Jay, now looked like a dwarf in front of Jay's broad figure, "How many times do I have to remind you to come for practice?"
"It's not my fault." Heeseung jut out his bottom lip, he always loved acting cute in front of Jay even if he was older, "Little princess back at home has been spying on me. And not gonna lie, I am extremely aroused."
"Why did I even ask?" Jay rolled his eyes and stretched out his arms, the bright burning sun reflecting in his eyes like the moonshine he loved so much, which he drank by the fireplace as he penned down poetry he could show to no one.
"So Jayyyy" Sunghoon dragged his words out, "Felt any sparks lately?"
"Ask that question again and you'll be running twenty laps round this track." Jay promptly replied, cleaning his face with the lavender-smelling towel the nearby servant handed to him. He always loved the lavender scented things, it reminded him of the springs with his mother, oh how she would tease him with tiny flowers in his hair, and the clink of her ruby created dagger in her belt. The dagger lay soulless now, sitting in a secretive place in Jay's room, as he stared at it and remembered that moment again and again. His bastard father, no matter how many times Jay had cursed him, he still couldn't get it out of his mind.
His mother, his compassionate, kind mother, didn't deserve to bleed out from his father's turn of blade.
And no matter how many potions he took, the smell of the blood filled ballroom still lingered in his nose at night, when he would jolt awake in cold sweat, wanting to cling onto his mother, but then he'd remember that he wasn't eight anymore, she was gone.
"Jay you're my brother and I really respect you a lot." Heeseung started, sitting Jay down on the oak bench, while Jake and Sunghoon quietly sneaked out, running for their lives back to their horses, "But you've got to find someone to love in your life, you've got to get over your fear."
"Weren't you the one who was complaining about love to Jake and I a few days ago?" Jay raised a magnificently trimmed brow, to which Heeseung chuckled.
"Yep but then I fell into that rabbit hole and I seem to like it, a bit too much perhaps." Heeseung stared into the distance, instantly losing his dramatic moment as the setting sun hit his pupils.
"Yeah, someday when I'm older maybe." Jay fiddled with his fingers, he never could keep them still, "But for now, I wanted to ask if you'd want to come with me on a hunt tomorrow?"
"A hunt?" Heeseung quizzed, lifting himself with much difficulty off of the bench, bow in hand, "You haven't invited me to a hunt in ages."
"Necessity is the mother of invention." Jay got up as well, scented towel still in hand, "And in this case it's that wild boar our men have been hunting since last month, been terrorizing the border between Tarnow and Vadronia now. I'm surprised you haven't noticed yet."
"Consider me blinded by love." Heeseung threw a flirtatious wink at Jay, who visibly gagged, "I'll be there."
"I'll be waiting."
"No no no, Jay, we, under no circumstances, apply essence of Hibiscus to a water snake's venom." A lady with greying hair sighed, bending over a wooden cup, while a sturdy, black haired man gulped heavily and stared nervously at the herbs in his hand.
Jay was never very successful in his healing classes, and under the strict gaze of his teacher, old Mrs.Chun, he was far away from catching the train of success.
"I don't get it." Jay frowned like a child, setting the hibiscus flower down on the table filled with healing equipments of all kind, "Wasn't the essence of Hibiscus supposed to combat this snake's venom?"
The old lady sighed again and rolled her eyes, snatching the hibiscus from the table and setting it into a basket full of the bright red flowers. With her other hand, she picked up a wicker work basket of lavender and lifted it up to Jay.
"Lavender. I said lavender remember?" She smiled up at Jay like an encouraging teacher, "Lavender for the wounds which make a man turn purple, and hibiscus for the blood drops."
Jay mumbled the rule under his mouth before pressing the lavender petals to the venom splanched across the bown om front of him. The purplish colour immediately turned a healing shade of dark yellow, satisfying Jay and letting out a sigh of relief from the old lady.
"Just some more practice and patience and you'll be a good healer in no time." Mrs. Chun patted Jay's arm sympathetically.
"But why do I even need to be a healer?" Jay asked curiously, putting the box of potions up on the shelf where they belonged, "I'm already a warrior."
"Every great warrior needs to know how to tend to his own wounds." The old lady smiled, looking curiously at a green flask, "I made a vow to your mother to never let you fail in this subject."
Jay smiled fondly at the thought of his mother spending her hours in the infirmary along with Mrs. Chun. Mrs. Chun herself was like his mother figure, providing him the hugs his 14 year old self needed so bad years ago.
"And remember Jay!" Mrs. Chun called out just as Jay was about to leave the room, "I won't be here for the entirety of next month."
"But then who's going to look after the infirmary?" Jay turned back and raised a quizzical brow at Mrs.Chun, who smiled gently.
"My apprentice will." She promptly replied, "She's a nice girl, I told her all about your predicament of failing at healing." Jay let out a chuckle at Mrs.Chun's joke, "She'll take your classes alright?"
"Don't miss me too much Mrs.Chun!" Jay laughed, "I'm your favourite remember?"
Mrs.Chun laughed heartily to herself. Oh that boy, she thought, still a bit at heart even if he was a man to the world.
Only a bit of love perhaps, can truly lead him to show this side of him to the world.
Jay sighed heavily as he plopped down on his armchair, the most comfortable one by the fire.
Love, he scoffed, what a stupid, dangerous thing.
He believed his father to love his mother, he believed his mother to love his father even as he went out every night to quote unquote 'find himself'. Mistresses were awful buisness, and no Queen had ever objected her king having one. But of course, his mother had to object, she had to be different. She had to storm in to her husband and his lover and confront them. And his father, fire-filled man he was, had to strike a blade through her belly, making her bleed out in 14 year old Jay's arms.
And of course, Jay, blinded by his rage, had to strike his father back, skilled as his father was, Jay was more fleet footed, and in the blink of an eye, his father and his father's new toy were lying in cold blood on the floor, as Jay sobbed, clutching his mother's body, dead as a fish out of the ocean.
And his brothers had noticed, they had always noticed how Jay was never the same from that day. From the happy boy who loved to write stories and poetry and who hated to even step foot in the training yard, Jay became the mercenary king, ready with his sword clutched in hand, and his poems long forgotten to silence and withering darkness.
But it wasn't to say that Jay was a ruthless ruler, he chose not to take that path, especially not after half the kingdom starved under the rule of his father. It wouldn't have been a lie to say he was the kindest one in all of Paradoxica, except he didn't really show it in the way he spoke or acted, but by the way he controlled the administration and whatnot of the kingdom. This kept his busy, seldom leaving time for any other activities, much to the disappointment of his brothers, especially Heeseung, who had always been the closest to him, who had known what he was truly like, deep inside.
Clutching his eagle feather quill, one of his most dearest ones, Jay dipped the tip into his ink pot, letting the excess ink dry off before pressing it to his leather bound diary.
When he wrote the feelings he couldn't ever say out loud onto the softwood paper, Jay felt a sort of contentment, he had always been a clandestine philophile, so to write his proses on the idea of love, death and misery, was to create a beautiful choreography on his mindset.
Alas, if there was only someone he could show them to, someone who would understand what Jay meant in the lines, even with his messy loopy calligraphy, that would have been a dream truly come true.
But how could a man who wrote poems to challenge the angels of love themselves, ever find love?
But I am a mere narrator, what would I know?
And sometimes, just sometimes, Cupid lurked in the ballrooms of dancing princes and in the dark inkpots of oxymoronic kings.
"I have no idea what's happening, but I'm happy to be here." Sunghoon's beautiful Clydesdale horse pranced around on the grass, as energetic and as similar a persona as her owner.
"Would you tell her to calm down?" Heeseung's own chestnut's hooves guided him towards Sunghoon, "She needs the energy for the hunt." Heeseung easily managed to calm the mare down by scratching behind her eyes, to which Sunghoon drooped since he had been enjoying the prancing around a bit too much.
"Why are we going on a hunt again?" Jake adjusted his saddle, making sure he was buckled in properly to his Fox Trotter horse, "Aren't we above killing animals now?"
"Your best friend tell you that?" The clip clopping of Jay's magnificent Dutch Warmblood sent all of the soldiers to silence, "And if the animal is a wild boar, no we aren't above that."
"Whatever you say, oh great King." Sunghoon snickered, as he did a sort of bow on his horse, making everyone laugh.
"Oh shut up." Jay rolled his eyes, clutching onto his horse's hair, and leaning into his usual stance, "Come on now, don't want to keep a beauty waiting do we?" And with the mighty neigh of his horse, he rode off into the forest, followed by Heeseung, Jake and Sunghoon, who followed with dramatic sighs.
"Sometimes I wonder if he just wants to live in an adventure book and say cringey lines all the time." Sunghoon jested, making the others laugh.
"Where on earth is Sunoo?" Jay shouted out, completely ignoring the statement made about him, as the rest of the three managed to catch up to his horse's pace.
"Probably tending to his vineyard." The wind whipped Jake's hair around, "God knows if he'd ever accept coming to a hunt with us."
"Maybe a grape hunt-"
"Shh!"
Jay's action of stopping his horse, and shushing everyone startled the others, and as the clopping of hooves quietened down, they understood why Jay had stopped so abruptly.
The rustling of the nearby begonia bushes, combined with the noises of an animal which sounded extremely similar to a wild boar, alerted them, as they drew out their swords, daggers and metal tipped arrows, all from treasure chest of Vadronia's amazing metalwork, aiming them at the begonia bushes, as Jay held up his closed fist to give the command.
"Come on out." Jay whispered to no one in particular but himself, as the begonia bushes began shaking more rapidly and the sounds of an animal's footsteps came nearer.
"Hey maybe we should-" Heeseung bagan quietly to Jay, but was interrupted by the ripping of the begonias into shreds.
And there it was, what Jay had been waiting for.
A big wild boar in its full magnificence.
Ivory tusks in full gleam, swathes of brown fur all over its damaged skin, with wounds from previous hints. A ture display of its strength, Jay thought, it wanted to intimidate them, as if to say 'see how many people haven't defeated me yet, why do you think you stand a chance?'.
"Steady now, Lady." Jay patted his horse, which was ever so graciously named Lady, although the mare's personality in battle was far away from a lady's. Jay always preferred mares to horses, he though they were more faster and agile, while horses used their brute strength. And he had a hatred from brute strength. It was what got her killed after all.....
"Jake look out!" Heeseung cried out, snapping Jay out of his daze of staring into the boar's eyes. Of all the animals of the world, he hated this one the most, he hated the way his father loved to hunt them, and how he'd come home from hunts everyday drenched in blood with a boar skull im his hands, from which his mother would recoil from, what with her hatred of the smell of iron.
Hatred, that's all that was there in Jay's life. And that's all there will be.
"Jay, we have to get back come on!" Sunghoon cried, his horse already galloping away. The boar was far too big for them to contain. "Jay?" Heeseung peered back, "Jay no!"
But the sturdy built man's ears heeded no warning as he stepped along to the boar, his sword clutched tightly in hand, the carving of his name in the metal shining bright, as if to warn the spirit of the forest that he has arrived.
"Hyung what's happe-" Jake and Sunghoon's horses had turned back to see why the eldest wasn't coming, only to see Jay stabbing at the boar, while Heeseung tried to get Lady, who was close to prancing away into the depths of the forest.
"Help me would ya!" Heeseung cried, flinging his rope around Lady's magnificent neck, to which Sunghoon and Jake came quick and flung their own ropes, "One of you help Jay!"
"I'll go!" Sunghoon's horse galloped towards Jay, but to his shock, he saw that the boar was already lying, its movements still, and Jay standing drenched in blood.
It was dead.
Jay's sword was decorated with ribbons of maroon.
"Jay what the..." Sunghoon began, but he could find no words. The boar had been big, two times the size and strength of any ordinary man, and now it was kneeling at Jay's command, kneeling dead and cold as a fish.
"It's dead." Jay growled, his breathing too heavy, and his hand clutching a particularly dark spot on his stomach, as Heeseung and Jake came to the scene, having calmed Lady down, "The tusk...."
"The tusk? What about the- Jay!" Heeseung cried, before jumping off his horse and quickly moving towards Jay's graceful falling figure.
The last thing Jay felt was the feeling of wet grass underneath his head, Heeseung's hand over his wrist, and the familiar scent of feminine lavender pressing over him before everything went dark as he had always wished for it to be.
Jay never cared much about his injuries. No matter how big or small they were, no matter if it was a paper cut to the thumb or an arrow head to the shoulder, he would simply say "Injuries happen, it's a part of life" and move on. Which proved to be a source of annoyance for his brothers, especially Jake, who had an eye for healing.
But Jay was a firm believer in the notion that twenty four hours a day simply wasn't enough. He wanted more, he craved for more, more time, more work. Although he wouldn't admit it, everyone was in unison with the fact that he was Paradoxica's biggest workaholic.
And when it came back to the topic of injuries, Jay would still keep working, whether or not he was stuck in bed, because Heeseung had forced him to stay there.
Heeseung remembered Jay's younger days. How Jay would whine and do nothing if he got even the tiniest splinter in his finger. How he would beg for a day off from studies if he merely stubbed his tie against the kitchen ladder while sneaking out to steal pastries. But the horrible incident had changed every aspect of Jay, and now, he wouldn't stop working if every limb in his body was broken.
"All for the good of the people" he reasoned.
Usually Mrs.Chun had taken care of him, scolded him too many times about taking rests whenever he'd come back from battles or fights with blood flowing out his nose. But even then he didn't care. So the vision of waking up to Mrs.Chun's berry scent was a norm for him whenever he'd get injured.
But now, the room wasn't berry scented, and nor was Mrs. Chun sitting in the corner, waiting for him to wake up.
A girl?
A girl, wearing Mrs.Chun's apron, had her head rested against his table, her eyes fluttered close.
Were his eyes tricking him or did Mrs.Chun suddenly become thirty years younger?
Feeling something heavy on his waist, Jay tried to lift his head from his pillow, letting out a guttural groan as he did. God what was hurting him so much? He could feel something hurting at his stomach.
"Your Majesty, lie back down." He heard someone say, and as he opened his eyes, he saw the girl bending over him, forcing him to lie back down on the bed.
Jay stared at her for a few moments, trying to remember who she is before the candle went off in his mind.
The apprentice.
You were Mrs.Chun's apprentice.
"Are you Mrs.Chun's apprentice?" Jay groaned, feeling his head throb and his fingers were aching too.
You nodded promptly, before pushing Jay gently back onto the bed as he tried to get back.
"I'm sorry to inform you, Your Majesty, but you aren't getting up for another two weeks. You were stabbed by a wild boar's tusk." You stated firmly, shocking Jay at how casually you had addressed him, "His Highness Heeseung told me to handcuff you to the bed if you even try to move."
"Handcuff me?" Jay chuckled, moving his body slightly to lessen the pressure on his legs, "Where are you even going to get-"
Jay's sentence was cut off abruptly as your hands pulled out a pair of heavy metal from a secret pocket in the olive green dress you were wearing, and held it in front of Jay, effectively silencing him.
"I'm sorry if that was rude, but you are my patient, Your Majesty.." Your mouth let out a chuckle, sending a weird sensation into Jay's stomach, which he had never felt before, "So, I will do anything and everything in order to make you rest."
"So what may I address you by, My lady?" Jay quizzed you, his head now no longer throbbing for some reason. He studied your features for a while, he thought your eyes were pretty, decorated by a thin lining of kohl. Your figure was pretty too, wrapped in the striking colour of the dress you were in, combined with the beautifully familiar way you wore your hair.
"Definetly not by 'My lady'." You chuckled, picking up your dress, and sinking into a curtsy, "Y/N, you may call me Y/N, Your Majesty."
"Pretty name." Jay complemented, watching you stand up straight from your curtsy and smile impishly at him.
"You've got to take your medicine now." You reached into your apron's pocket and pulled a big vial, which was filled with a bubbling, golden liquid, "Now, according to Mrs.Chun, tricks by pretty people often work on you."
"Pretty people?" Jay scoffed childishly, thinking about whether or not he thought Heeseung was pretty, as you measured out the liquid into a cup, "Mrs.Chun needs to have a check for up there. And do you really think you're pretty?"
You strode towards him with the cup in your hand, and smiled widely. "Well, pardon me Your Majesty, but from the way you were staring at me five minutes ago, yes. I do think I'm pretty."
"Don't get your ego up." Jay warned, taking the cup from you, letting his mind linger for a few minutes on how your delicate fingers brushed his scarred ones softly, "Your parents mus'nt have taught you manners did they?"
"Well, firstly, I don't have parents." You smiled, "And secondly I need to check your bandages, they seem to be bleeding again."
So that was what the pain radiating from his stomach was, Jay thought, as he looked down to see his bandages streaked a darker shade of red. He quickly gulped down the golden liquid in the cup, a visibly disgusted expression forming on his face at how bitter it was, and looked up at you, with widened eyes.
"So...?" He said, expectantly, seeing you fumble with some clean cloth, another vial of what looked like cream, and a safety pin.
"Tell me where it hurts when I change them alright?" You said gently, making his lay down on the bed again, "and uh..."
"What?" Jay questioned, seeing your eyes linger at his wound or more specifically, his ab muscles, "Oh you can touch them it's fine."
"Oh. Oh yeah alright." You said, feeling your face heat up slightly. Bandaging him when he was still unconscious was easier than this, when he was awake. God his stare was so attractive to you, even now, as you gently touched his bandages, replacing them with cleaner cloth, you tried hard not to brush your fingers against his abs.
"Enjoying the view?" Jay asked, a cockish sneer to his voice. "There's a view to enjoy Your Majesty?" You fired back, although you most certainly were enjoying staring at him.
"You're an interesting one." Jay said, trying to make small talk as you lightly pressed against the smaller wounds with the cream, "Y/N wasn't it?"
"Yep." You said with a pop of your lips, finishing wrapping his wounds with a slight tap to check if they were secure, "And please do stay in bed and don't work. If you need anything, I'm right outside. His highness Heeseung has told me to rest in the chambers opposite yours."
The chambers opposite to his, his parents' chambers. God did Jay hate that room, all big and filled with skulls from hunts.
"If you want to you can go home, I can manage on myself." Jay said, his eyes set on yours. Why was it so hard to maintain eye contact with you?
"I know how that idea works." You smiled again, bringing that weird sensation back into Jay's stomach, "I'll go and then you'll order someone to bring you your work, so His Highness Heeseung specifically asked me not to leave. I guess you're stuck with me Your Majesty." You curtsied to finish off the impression.
"Jay." He spoke again, to your confusion, which made him stifle a chuckle, "Please, call me Jay."
"Jay." You smiled to yourself, "Well, ring that bell if you need anything."
As you left the room, quietly shutting the door behind you, Jay had the sudden urge to kick his feet in the air. The room was filled with lavender scent, your lavender scent to be specific, and it gave Jay a sense of calm, which in turn reduced the pain radiating from his stab wound.
Well this would be an interesting two weeks.
"Your Majesty what on Earth are you doing?"
Jay froze in his position at hearing a stern voice. Your stern voice, to be precise.
"Resting?" He said, trying to hide his cheeky smile, as he slowly backed away from his table. Rolling your eyes, you quickly got him back to the bed, worried that his bandages will open back again. But the only thing Jay was worried about was that his work wasn't getting completed.
"How about this?" You asked, as you finally managed to wrestle him back to the bed, "I'll do the work for you, if you agree to rest. It's in that diary right?"
"I can't let you do that." Jay grumbled, reaching for your arm, as you hurried to get to the diary on his table. The cold touch of his hand on your warmer skin made you flinch heavily, which in turn made Jay pull his hand away.
"I'm sorry." Jay quickly apologised, as you rubbed your arm, "I- That's my private diary, I don't really allow people to see it."
"Oh, my apologies then." You curtsied, still rubbing your arm, feeling extremely cold for some reason, even if the warm daylight was coming into the room through the window, "Your Majesty-"
"Jay." He corrected, shooting you the tiniest fragment of a smile.
"Jay." You said again, this time feeling more at ease, "You've got to rest, I'm begging you. Those bandages won't magically heal you until you rest. If there's anything I can do to get you to rest, I'll do it."
Jay's ears weren't actually listening to anything. His mind was too distracted again, by your scent. God damn his strong sense of smell, but you smelled like memories he wanted to forget.
"Tell me what perfume you use and then I won't work." Jay looked up at you with a cheeky smile. He didn't know why, but he felt comfortable to show you his smile, which he didn't often feel with the ladies in their paraffin socks.
"I- that's a peculiar question." You said, not knowing what to feel aboutthe actual King asking you about your perfume.
"I swear on my own grave that I will rest if the great healer Y/N tells me her perfume." Jay recited, keeping his hand on his chest for dramatic effect.
"It's the lavender one we get in the town square from Marcella's." You raised your chin up high, "Now would you rest?"
"Hmmm let me think." Jay dramatically sighed, "No."
"Your Majesty, I will beg." You breathed desperately, "I will seriously-"
"Your collarbone." Jay interrupted, his attention diverting from your eyes to your shoulder, "There's something on your collarbone."
Jay took note of the way your eyes flickered quickly and worriedly to your collarbone, and how you rushed to pull the sleeve of your dress up to cover it, clearing your throat afterwards to clear the awkward air.
"Are you-"
"Your Majesty, I admire the way you hold so much strivance for your work but you really must rest if you wish to keep working for the rest of your life."
The atmosphere of the room had a drastic change, Jay could feel it, as you quickly curtsied, said a quick "excuse me" and hurried off towards the exit.
That wasn't a stain or a birth mark on your shoulder Jay knew it, as he leant back comfortably, and decided to follow your advice for a while.
He'd seen dark marks like that on someone he once knew and loved.
And something in him asked him not to rest (unless it was pretending for you) until he figured out where that bruise the size of a man's hand, came from.
Pairings: [fem] uni exchange student! reader x uni student! HS x uni student! Jay
Genres: Fluff | Slice of Life | Comedy | Angst | Teenage Romance | Thriller
Warnings: scenes in the hospital
Word Count: 3k
Synopsis/Quote: In which your oblivious ass cannot tell that a popular boy in your class has a big, fat crush on you | “It seems like the one who was ruined was me.”
Taglist: @hyunjaethereal @seasideheeseung @wooya1224 @gratefulmaria @sunshineshouchan @youreverydayzebra @fayqj @witheeseung @haechanhues @w-o-o-y-a-a @miingxuxi @reallysmolrenjun @hrrhmay-primaryblog @rosie112703 @ac-ewow @liliansun [drop me a dm/ask/comment to be added!]
You’re staring at the project document blankly, the pages filled with words and tables of the work you’ve done with Heeseung in the last few weeks or so. The weekend felt like three weeks, even when it was just three days - simply because you were in the hospital watching Jay flit in and out of consciousness and Heeseung’s still in a comatose state.
The seat next to you is empty and there is no other word to describe being alone on your last week of school than ‘sad’.
The Uber that picked Jay and Heeseung up had just been in school compounds and the police had found a rig in the brakes - the Uber had been stopped by another car driving straight into it.
Heeseung was on the side the car was rammed into. It’s a miracle he’s even still alive.
“y/n?”
The call jolts you out of your dissociation.
“Hey,” The professor walks up the stairs, and only now do you realise everybody else had left the lecture hall besides you. “I had the others hand up their projects but I saw you zoning out and I couldn’t do it.”
“Sorry,” Mumbling under your breath, you give the folder a quick flip-through before handing him the document. “Here.”
With pursed lips, he takes the folder and glances through it, skimming through the contents and pausing on the last page where you and Heeseung had signed off on.
“I’m sorry it happened.”
“I’m sorry the school had to go through so much to catch the idiot,” Through gritted teeth, you offer him a small wince.
“Well, yeah, that too,” The professor pulls up the lecture table from the seat next to you and sits himself in the plastic grove. “But it’s not important now. He’s going to be charged for God knows how many felonies, but I just- I wanted to know how you’re holding up.”
The concerned question thrums chills through you. Heeseung would’ve asked that. Jay would’ve too.
Jake and Sunghoon have probably tried, but you’re too busy crying or zoning out at the hospital to process anything else even if they did try.
“I’m fine,” You shake your head and stuff your iPad into your bag. “There’s nothing anybody can do to make him wake up faster.”
“I know that. It’s just... I don’t want a student ending her semester like this.”
The grumble of the zip as you close your bag is disgustingly loud in the empty lecture hall. You hug your bag, slowly looping your arm through one of the holes as you push the lecture table away.
“I’ll be fine. I’m leaving next week anyway and Heeseung’s not dead, so.”
The professor goes quiet upon the declaration.
“Thanks for the fun sem, Prof,” You give him a tiny, wretched smile that’s not genuine at all, lifting a leg over the backrest of the seat in front of you. “I’ll tell my dad to say hi to you every now and then.”
Finally on both your feet one row before him, he looks at you with sad, tired eyes.
“It’s been a pleasure having you and Heeseung as students, y/n. Do come back to visit when you come visit your father.”
A bare nod shakes your head.
“Bye prof.”
The ceiling looks the same. The light dangling from the beige, crusty roof looks dusty.
The room looks the same - except the fact that 80% of it were in boxes now. The clock hung on the wall has the loudest ticking you’ve ever heard - had it been this loud since the start?
Bzzzzt. Bzzzzzzzt. Bzzz-
“Hello.”
“Jesus Christ, how many times do you want me to call you before you’d pick up?”
Maybe until Heeseung wakes up.
“You know what? Don’t answer that.”
A pause.
“How are you holding up?”
“Great. I mean the sem’s over. I’ve handed up almost every project I need to submit.”
“Fuck you, you know I don’t mean that.”
“What am I supposed to tell you? I’m great, while I wait for my two friends to recover in the hospital? One of them’s not even awake.”
“I don’t want to be that person but no matter how much you cry or pray that he wakes up, it’s going to take time, okay? Let him rest and recuperate and he’ll spring back to life like he wasn’t just in an accident.”
“I shouldn’t have let them take the Uber.”
“For crying out loud, it is not your fault. You told them your dad was coming to get you and Jay didn’t want to cancel it for the fee. It’s a normal reaction. Who was supposed to know the Uber was rigged?”
You blink.
“Have you packed?”
You count the boxes in your room. “Mostly.”
“I’ll be at your place when you come home. We can bake cupcakes and cookies and you can tell me about the school there.”
Your ears are taking in her words but your eyes are on the paper bag on your desk. It’s the tumbler that Jay got you.
“Hello? You there?”
“Byeol, what if they don’t wake up before I leave? I have 8 days.”
“Have some faith in them, would you? Jay’s already awake right? He’s just flitting in and out of consciousness and Heeseung... They haven’t said he’s in critical condition, right?”
“But he’s been in the ER and it’s been three days.”
“Sis, I could sleep for three days. He’ll be awake before you leave.”
“Hope so.”
“Not going to the hospital?”
“Nah,” You roll over onto your side and stare at yourself in the mirror on your wardrobe doors. “Their friends are swarming the wards. It’s fine, Jake and Hoon got me onto the special visitors’ list.”
“There’s a special visitors’ list?”
“It’s Jay and it’s an expensive hospital with classier management. So yeah, pretty much.”
“That’s nice.”
Silence - except the occasional crackling of the static on the phone.
“They’ll do fine, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I have to go now. I’ll call you tonight or tomorrow, I’ll text you?”
“Sure.”
“Okay. Bye.”
“Bye bye.”
The car ride with your father is quiet, the gentle music from the stereo playing and you’re thinking about how your mother is back at home. She is a busy woman back home too so you hadn’t really had the time to call or text her.
For the first time in a long time, your father knows more about your life than she does.
“I know you’re probably not in the mood to answer this but...” The car slows at a red light. “Have you started packing?”
You don’t turn. The trees outside are swaying gently in the light breeze on this sunny day. It reminds you of the day Heeseung brought you out to the beach for your picnic.
“I’m about 80% done. The stuff left’s like my laptop and iPad and daily appliances.”
“That’s good,” You see him nod in the window’s reflection and glance at you. “Well, I’ll come by and hand you the documents for credit transfer later this week and I’ll send you to the bus terminal next Wednesday too, yeah?”
“Mhm,” Humming to yourself, the refracted red light turns green. “Sure.”
The car starts again. “Hun, I... I just wanted you to know that I know this sem has been difficult for you. I’m- I’m sorry that I suggested you come. Had I known that there was going to be a lunatic running on the loose, I would’ve stopped you from coming.”
“You wouldn’t have known,” You mumble, but still loud enough for him to hear. “It’s fine, it’s over.”
“And with what happened with Jay and Heeseung... I’m sorry. I really am.”
“They would’ve gotten caught up in this crazy shitfest with the psycho anyway, regardless of my presence,” Finally turning to look at your father, he side-eyes you while keeping his hands on the steering wheel. “It’s not anybody’s fault except that psycho’s that this happened.”
Your father remains quiet, unable to respond. The car drives into the sheltered drop-off point at the hospital and he watches you unbuckle the seat belt to let yourself out the car.
“Hey.”
You sling your bag over your shoulder and rest a hand on the car door.
“They’ll be okay.”
A weak smile pulls your lips up your cheeks.
“I hope so.”
By the time you’ve reached the floor where the wads were, you’ve run into a good number of their friends. Of course, there were one or two bad apples among the bunch, but most of them knew you were on a special visitors’ list and that’s why you came so late.
It never gets easier though, the look on their faces when you know they want to tell you that they’ll be okay, but promises should not be made if they cannot be kept.
Walking into Jay’s ward, you see his mother helping to sponge his face while Jake and Sunghoon speak to a friend on the other side of the bed.
You catch the room’s attention when you pull the plastic bag out from your bag and let the door shut behind you, Jay’s mother looking up and offering you a tired smile.
“Oh, hey,” Jake grins and beckons you over.
“Hi Mrs Park,” You gesture to Jake to wait before holding out the plastic bag to Jay’s mother. “It’s a box of tonic for you and Mr Park. Thought of getting fruits but I don’t think Jay can have them yet.”
“Gosh, you really didn’t have to,” She shakes her head and sets the cloth down by the bed. “Thank you. Are you sure you’re okay, coming to visit so often? You’re here everyday, aren’t you?”
You return her a tight, pursed smile. “Yeah, but it’s fine. I’m leaving to go home next week so I don’t have much time left to spend with them. I don’t mind.”
“Oh, honey,” She stands and takes the box from you, turning to set it down on the table behind her before returning you her attention. “I... I don’t know what to say. This must be all a lot for you.”
You break the eye contact first, knowing that you were probably going to cry if you hadn’t stopped looking at her.
“No, it’s fine,” You raise a palm and rub her upper arm. “All I want is to have a decent conversation with Jay before I leave, and I’ll be more than satisfied.”
“Oh!” She exclaims, nose crunching into a threatened crying mess. She holds her arms open and coerces you into her arms, patting the back of your head. “Of course. Of course, Jay will be fine by the time you need to go home. I promise.”
“I really do hope so,” You pull away first and smile weakly at her.
“By the way, Mr and Mrs Lee are with Heeseung in the ward next door,” She sniffles, anxiously rubbing her palms together.
“Oh, right- Do they know I’m on the-”
“Yes, of course they do, sweet heart,” She quickly rubs your arm to comfort you, then slides her hands down to yours to keep them in her palms. “Their parents are the sweetest couple ever and they’d be so grateful that Heeseung has a friend like you. How about I have Jake or Sunghoon bring you over to meet them?”
“Oh,” You watch as she waves to get one of the boys’ attention, Sunghoon quickly pulling away from the crowd to attend to you.
“Would you do me a favour and bring her over to Heeseung’s ward? Introduce her to his parents.”
“Of course,” Sunghoon hurriedly nods and lowers his head out of respect. “Come on.”
“Thanks, Mrs Park,” You turn your feet to follow Sunghoon, but your hands are reluctant to leave hers. “I’ll come back later.”
“No, take your time, sweet.”
With a slight nod, you pull away and trail after Sunghoon out of the ward after leaving your bag with Jake.
The ward door closes with a soft hiss, then Sunghoon pauses right before you can come into view of Heeseung’s ward door, turning over his shoulder to look down at you.
“I don’t mean to bring this up at a bad time but...”
“I know,” You nod. “I know I’ve been an ass the last few weeks. Honestly, I... I didn’t know who I wanted to be endgame either.”
Sunghoon gives your word one more second of thought before he turns around to face you.
“It’s not my business but are you going to choose? Or... just go home next week?”
You frown and look down at your hands, reminiscing the warmth from Jay’s mother.
“I don’t know,” Your voice cracks. “I don’t think I can choose. Even if I do, I have 8 days, and neither of them are awake yet. I don’t... I don’t want to do that to them.”
He takes a deep breath and looks away, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“It’s Heeseung. Choose Heeseung,” He says without looking at you. “The night they got into a crash, Jay texted Jake to tell us that Heeseung kissed you, and that was the moment he decided he would give up.”
The statement tears you apart on the inside.
“Jay’s a tough guy to hurt and he plays his cards fairly and maturely,” Sunghoon nods and finally looks at you. “Don’t feel bad you’re choosing Heeseung over him. He had a truce with Heeseung. About you. And he knows he lost fair and square, so don’t feel upset. Just pour your heart and soul into Heeseung for the rest of the time you’re here, and worry about committing anything else after you’ve gone home.”
You part your lips to breathe, as if it would help you understand any faster or better.
“Anyway, both Heeseung’s parents are in there and they already have an idea who you are so... Just be nice.”
He watches you nod, slightly zoned-out, then pushes the door open.
His parents can tell you’re more preoccupied with the limp, breathing body on the bed than their presence, but they still take it with grace and greet you like they’ve known you your entire life.
The sight of Heeseung being bandaged up with a leg hanging in the air makes you feel like shit.
Who wouldn’t?
Later in the night, after Heeseung’s mother had gone home and his father had left to get coffee, you’re left alone with him and the occasional beeping from the Holter monitor.
There was a bruise and scratch on his left cheek, and his neck, arms and right leg were in a cast. You think about how much he was going to miss dancing when he gets told he’ll need to be on a 6-month break from anything strenuous.
Tired, you pull your earpieces out and plug it into your phone, laying it on the bed while you hover over him to fit the earbuds into his ears. Then you sit back down and scroll through your playlist, playing with the volume buttons to make sure it was softer than the volume you’d normally listen to your music at.
You make your selection, then quietly lay on the mattress with the faint music drizzling the atmosphere’s noise. That’s how quiet the room was.
His fingers were sticking out of his cast, so you play with them. His hair was in his shut eyes, so you gently push them out in case he were to open them.
“One more time, Heeseung. Just one more time before I leave.”
Jay’s mother was sleeping by his bed when you walk in to check on them, bag hanging from your right shoulder and lids heavy from the terrible sleep schedule the past few days.
“Hi.”
And a smile stretches your lips out when you can see him blink, offer you his bright grin, apart from the cut on his eyebrow.
“Hey,” You whisper, walking towards him on the other side of the bed. “How are you feeling?”
Jay clears his throat and blinks. “Had better days, but at least I’m alive.”
A snigger threatens to wake his mother up. “Good. Do you want me to wake your mom up? Maybe get a doctor in to give you a check up or something.”
He shakes his head, even managing a small wave in his fingers laying by his hip. “No, I’m good. I’m going back to sleep soon anyway.”
You lean over and adjust his pillow. “Well, then I shan’t disturb you. I’ll come by again tomorrow.”
“Sure,” He looks up at you and nods. Your gazes meet, for a split second, he can kind of know what you’re thinking of, and you know what he was.
“Thank you for this sem, Jay. I really am.”
He shakes his head. “No, thank you. It was a fun sem because of you.”
“You call being in a hospital ward fun?”
Chuckling, he turns back to look at the ceiling for a second. “You will come back to visit us, won’t you? Zoom call us or something.”
“Of course. We could meet up during the summer break if anything.”
Satisfied, he nods again. “Good.”
“Get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow,” You shove your hands into your pockets.
“Okay,” He quietly responds, watching you turn on your heels. “Oh, y/n.”
You turn and raise a brow.
“Heeseung. He’s the one for you, and... he’ll wake up for you. I know he will.”
With a slightly ached grin, you nod and look down at your feet.
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Synopsis: Go to hell. Three simple words. A wish. And in her book, all wishes must be granted.
"Go to hell, you asshole," he growled at his so-called bestfriend. He threw a punch at the older boy, missing Jay's face by a few inches.
"Fine, but I'm taking you with me." Jay lunged at Jake, pushing him backward until his back met the door with a loud thump.
All the while, a woman is sitting atop a bookshelf in the room, watching the two boys fight. A smirk grew on her face as she heard the harsh words spoken between the two. The wishes asked of them. She snaps her fingers and the room is enveloped in silence immediately as the best friends disappear. She jumps down from the bookshelf landing gracefully on her feet like a cat. She wouldn’t compare herself to a cat though. She’s more of a dog.
A bitch.
She rolls her shoulders back as she stretches her body, preparing for the role that she’s about to play. It’s been way too long since she’s done this. Another snap of her fingers and she’s gone. Instead of the boyish bedroom that she was standing in not too long ago, she finds herself in front of the gates of her home. A genuine smile grows on her face as she turns around and is met with the two boys from before. They were no longer fighting, no, instead they stand close to each other, expressions full of fear. It gives her joy seeing those looks.
They’re afraid of me.
“Afternoon gentlemen!” Her voice rings loudly throughout the area. She gestures to the castle behind her. “Welcome to Hell.”
Tagging: @scintillasofbeomgyu @jay-ke (I thought of this while thinking of you-) send a dm or ask to be added to the taglist!
A/N: First story in the pregnancy/daddy Jay series
You stared down at the counter sadness but yet anger beginning to course through you. You picked up the test, throwing it in the garbage before picking up your purse and coat, and heading straight for the door. It was only about a 5 minute walk before you arrived at your destination. You walked straight to the counter ordering a shot of tequila and a beer. Downing the shot in a second slamming it on the counter.
“Do I want to ask?” Gabby, your best friend, stood in front of you watching your actions.
“It’s not fair.” You clenched your jaw looking down at the counter.
“I know.” She sighed taking your hand in hers to squeeze it.
“We spend how much time and money trying to prevent getting pregnant, while those stupid pills and shots fuck with your health in the meantime and then when you want to get pregnant you can’t!” You exclaimed clearly still hurting. Gabby listened to you rant for another hour comforting you knowing how it felt before you decided to go back home knowing Jay would be off work soon. After Jay got home and the two of you ate dinner you curled up into him on the couch turning on the tv in and effort to distract yourself from your own thoughts. Halfway through the episode of Friends you felt Jay start to kiss up and down your neck, wrapping his arm around your waist, pulling you tightly back into him. “Not tonight.” You said grabbing his hand to stop him from moving it anywhere. You felt him pull back before he flipped you towards him so he could see your face.
“Why not?” He asked confusion on his features. You and Jay had been having sex almost everyday for the past 9 months. It was starting to feel like a chore at this point. You loved Jay with all your heart and you loved being close and intimate with him but it just felt like more pressure was put on you each time you had sex.
“I just don’t feel good.” You mumbled.
“Really? Well maybe you should-“ He started as you heard the hopefulness in his voice making your heart drop a little before you cut him off.
“No.” You shook your head looking away from him.
“Did you?” He asked knowing what you were implying. You nodded your head feeling the tears crowd the corner of your eyes not daring to look up at him.
“Babe. It’s okay. The doctor said-“ He tried to comfort you but you interrupted again.
“Yes, I know. That it takes average couples 5 months, but we’re approaching the 10th month Jay. That’s double the normal time. I’m just worried. I really didn’t expect us to have any issues. I just didn’t think it would
be this hard.” You admitted. He grabbed your face between his hands turning it so you were looking at him.
“I know baby, but it’s going to be okay. We’ll give it another month and if it doesn’t happen we’ll go get checked. Okay?” He asked trying to calm you. You took a deep breath nodding your head. He smiled sadly before leaning down to kiss your lips. “Alright let’s go to bed.” He said kissing your forehead before pulling you up with him to drag you towards your room. It had been almost a month since you had that conversation. You hadn’t taken any tests since that day. Not entirely sure you’d be able to deal with another negative staring back in your face, and you were terrified to think about making an appointment to make sure everything was okay. Knowing if you did you and Jay’s dreams of having children together could be crushed in a split second. For the last week you had been nauseous on and off throughout the day. At first, of course, your thoughts were morning sickness, but then you scolded yourself for thinking that. You hadn’t told Jay you hadn’t felt good. You just couldn’t handle watching his hopes sink again. Plus you knew there was a virus sneaking around your office so you weren’t surprised you had caught it. For the first time that week you and Jay both had time to sit and eat breakfast together, but you were once again starting to feel nauseous. You kept reminding yourself all you had to do was wait for Jay to leave. So naturally you had swallowed down the bile that had made its way up a few more times than you would have liked. Until eventually there was no swallowing it back. You had taken a drink of orange juice in hopes of settling your stomach, but it only fueled the fire. Sending everything you had eaten back up as soon as the liquid hit your stomach. You clasped a hand over your mouth hurrying towards the bathroom. Jay followed in after you pulling your hair away from your face to hold it back. After your stomach had stopped lurching you fell down off your knees groaning.
“Babe? What happened? Are you okay?” Jay asked kneeling down beside you.
“Yeah..I just haven’t felt well at all this week.” You answered and as soon as the words fell from your mouth you watched Jay’s face light up.
“Well...have you taken a test?” He asked trying to hide his excitement.
“Uh..no we’re out.” You lied turning your eyes away from his. Jay sighed cupping your chin in his palm to turn your face towards his. You were met with Jay’s skeptical face, eyebrow raised. “What?” You asked innocently.
“We’re not out.” He explained.
“Yes we are.” You retorted pretending like you hadn’t gotten busted.
“No. We’re not.” He replied standing up and walking to the bathroom closet to pull a new unopened box out. You stared at him blankly. “I bought a new box at the beginning of the week. I wanted to make sure if you took any they would be new and accurate. There’s even some older ones in there too.” He explained. You didn’t answer swallowing hard at his look. “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” He pushed voice gentle, kneeling back down beside you. As soon as you met his deep blue eyes you felt the tears bubble up, starting to breathe hard and fast, mind going a million miles a minute looking for an answer. One that would make sense to him. Jay immediately noticed your labored breathing before the tears began to run down your face. He dropped down further onto the floor pulling you into his arms. Stroking your hair and begging you to breathe with him. After a good 15 minutes your breathing returned to normal, tears finally ceasing, despite the headache you were now sporting. Jay pulled away from you looking concerned.
“I’m sorry.” You muttered looking down at your lap.
“Why? Just talk to me baby. Please.” He begged still as confused as he was a half hour ago.
“I can’t take that test, Jay.” You explained.
“Why not?” He asked picking up the box to inspect it.
“It’s going to be negative, and I can’t- I just can’t do that again.” You explained getting choked up again. Jay sighed heavily sitting down and pulling you into his lap.
“You’re going to take the test.” He stated matter of factly. You looked up at him eyebrow raised at his confidence for telling you what to do, making him chuckle. “Let me finish.” He smiled kissing your forehead. “You’re going to take the test...and we are going to see if it is negative. If it is we are going to keep trying and make an appointment.” Jay explained very calmly.
“Jay…” You bit your lip nerves taking over.
“Look at me.” He ordered tilting your head up with his pointer finger. “I love you with all of my heart [Y/N], and I can’t wait to have a family with you. No matter what happens. No matter how this turns out. We will figure it out together.” He promised running a thumb across your cheek bone. You took a deep breath nodding and pushing yourself on your feet. You stuck your hand out to where Jay was seated on the floor. He hoisted himself up while working on getting the box open. Pulling out one of the testing he handed it to you. You looked down at your hand still holding it out.
“What?” He asked looking from your outstretched hand to your face.
“I’m not about to risk a false positive.” You explained. He laughed lightly agreeing and taking the other one out and handing it to you as well. 2 minutes later you laid them on the counter, timer set on your phone. You sat on the side of the bathtub chewing at your lip nervously tapping your foot. Jay kneeled between your legs head in his crossed arms across your lap. Until the timer on your phone went off. You shut it off meeting Jay eyes neither of you moving. “You do it.” You stated, plead clear in your voice. He stood up slowing kissing you deeply on the way up, reminding you how much he loved you before turning to walk towards the sink. He looked down at the tests facial expression blank. Stance unwavering. You felt your heart sink watching him turn to you.
“Baby..they’re positive..” He said just above a whisper.
“Jay that’s not fu-“ You began to lecture reaching him in two steps and looking down at the counter yourself. Where two positive pregnancy tests stared back at you. You stood frozen unable to process what was happening while Jay had snapped out of his shock scooping you up in his arms hugging you tightly, tears running down his face as you wrapped your legs around his waist, arms encircling his neck.
“We did it. We’re going to have a baby.” He smiled wide kissing you all over your face and neck, disbelief slightly present in his voice. You could feel tears falling down your cheeks taking it all in. You had never been so happy in your life, and you had never been so in love with Jay as you were in this moment. Never so thankful as you were in this moment.
genre: coming-of-age, new adult, personal growth, sexual tension, fams dynamic, lovehate
wordcount: 21k
You sat on the kitchen counter sipping a glass of white wine to relax. The black dress that Jay had chosen actually looked pretty nice. There was no unnecessary skin showing, and that was probably the way it should have been. You ended up putting your long, dark brown hair up into a twist.
A waft of his cologne prompted you to look to the side. Your heart clenched at the sight of Jay standing in the entryway. You hadn’t noticed him until you smelled him. He seemed to be observing you without your knowing. He’d just showered after his workout and looked so incredibly hot in a simple black shirt that hugged his muscles.
The jeans he was wearing were the ones that always displayed his ass in the best way. Even though you had the night off, Jay was supposed to be playing at Yeonjun’s. The women were going to go apesh!t over him tonight. He walked over and pulled up a stool next to you. Your nipples perked up at the closeness of his body.
“Dino was supposed to be picking me up in about 15 minutes.”
He examined your face and said, “You don’t look too excited.”
“I'm not sure how I feel, to be honest.”
“You’re not nervous about going out with that jacka**, are you?”
“A little.”
“Why? He's not worth your nerves.”
“It’s the first date I’ve been on since San.”
He sucked in his jaw almost angrily. “That’s the guy that cheated on you.”
“Yeah. How did you know?”
“Yunjin told me.” It surprised you that they’d been talking about you. You wasn’t sure how you felt about Jay knowing about San.
“Oh.”
“Don’t let what happened with that a**hole make you think you should settle for that comes along.”
“Have you ever cheated on anyone?”
He hesitated before he answered. “Yes. I’m not proud of it. I was younger then, though. It’s not something I would ever do today. The way I see it, if you want to cheat on someone, you should just break up with them. Cheating is for cowards.”
“I agree. I wish that San had just broken up with me.”
“I’m glad you’re not with him anymore.”
“Me, too.”
“He was trying to have the best of both worlds. He’ll end up doing it to the other girl, too. Watch.”
“Yunjin is lucky to have you. To be with someone who is loyal.”
His expression darkened before he said, “Temptation is natural. That doesn’t mean you should act on it.” He seemed to be pondering his next words in an attempt to convince himself of that very fact.
“Right. Of course.”
Jay swiftly changed the subject. “You got your pocket knife?”
“Yes. I’m not going to need it, but it’s in my purse.”
“Good. You have my cell phone number?”
“Yes.”
“You should be taking your own car.”
“I already agreed to have him pick me up.”
“If he tries anything funny, call me. I’ll come get you.”
“But you’ll be in the middle of performing.”
“Doesn’t matter. Call me if you need a ride.”
“Okay. I will.”
His protectiveness reminded you of the old days. Having someone looking out for you was a really good feeling. In fact, you hadn’t felt it since running away from home all those years ago.
You took another sip of your drink. Before you could place it down on the counter, you felt Jay’s hand on yours as he intercepted, taking the glass from your grasp and gulping down the rest of the wine.
Your voice was practically a whisper. “I didn’t know you liked white wine.”
“I’m in a different kind of a mood tonight, I guess.” He took the glass over to the small bar area and refilled it before sitting back down and placing it in front of you.
You quietly drank out of the same goblet, passing it back and forth to each other, making silent eye contact. Whenever he licked the Chardonnay off his lips, it was utterly arousing. You felt so guilty for feeling that way, but it was beyond your control. Like he said, ’temptation was natural, right?’
Knowing that you couldn’t and wouldn’t act on it, made the feelings that much more powerful, though. The fact that he was unattainable made it all-consuming.
If you were being honest, no part of you really wanted to go out with Dino tonight. Every part of you, on the other hand, wanted to go watch Jay perform, especially since you were coming upon the final days before he would return to NY.
The knock on the door was loud and confident. Jay rubbed the back of his neck to massage the tension there. If you didn’t know better, you would think he was the one nervous about this date.
When you hopped down from the stool to answer the door, he said, “Wait.”“Yeah?”
“You look really nice. I think that dress was the right choice.”
Your heart fluttered. “Thank you.”
Your heels clicked on the tile as you walked over to the front door.
Dino was holding a small bouquet of flowers.
“Evening, Y/n. God, you look stunning.”
“Hi, Dino. Thank you. Come in.” Jay’s arms were crossed. His body language was more like an armed guard at a bank rather than a man standing casually in his own kitchen.“You remember my roommate, Jay.”
“Of course. How are you feeling?”
“Very energized at the moment, Dr. Dinosaur.”
Dino seemed annoyed at Jay’s mispronunciation. ‘Dino-saur,’ he corrected. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to anger Dr. Dinor.”
He wasn’t amused. “No problem.”
“Where are you kids going tonight?”
“The Boathouse. You been there?”
“Right on the water. Smooth. Putting out all the stops.” Grabbing your purse, you said, “Well, we should get going.” Jay held his hand out. “I’ll take care of the flowers.”
Somehow, you wondered if they would end up in the trash the second the door closed behind you.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
When you got outside, Dino turned to you. “Your roommate likes to butcher my name. He’s a bit of a wiseass.”
“Yes. He can be.”
Dino opened the door to his Mercedes and let me in the passenger side. The conversation was easy on the way to Tiverton. He asked you about your teaching career, and you spoke about his medical time at the University.
Your phone vibrated.
Jay: Those flowers were from the supermarket.
Y/n: How do you know?
Jay: He left the orange sticker on. What a tool.
Y/n: It’s the thought that counts.
Jay: Look in the backseat. I bet you’ll see milk and eggs.
Y/n: Don’t you have to be at Yeonjun’s?
Jay: Heading out now.
Y/n: Break a leg tonight.
Jay: Stay out of Dinor. Better yet, keep Dinor out of you.
Y/n: You’re a goof.
Jay: Order the lobster. At least you’ll get something out of tonight.
Y/n: Goodbye.
“What’s so funny?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. Sorry.”
He looked over at you. “So, what were we saying? Oh, you were about to tell me when you’re planning to head back to Providence.”
“The last week in August. I have to get my classroom set up for the beginning of September.”
“I bet your students really dig you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I wish I had a teacher that looked like you when I was in middle school.”
“Well, I like to think they appreciate me for other reasons.”
“Oh, I’m sure they do.”
When you arrived to the restaurant, it was already dark out, so the waterfront view wasn’t as great as it would have been during the daylight hours. It was starting to get chilly, so you opted for a window seat inside but overlooking the water.
Lights from some of the sailboats illuminated the dark ocean. White Christmas bulbs hanging inside the restaurant made for a cozy ambiance. The smell of fresh seafood filled the air. You laughed to yourself, thinking of how Jay would probably say the place smelled like dirty snatch.
You ended up ordering swordfish with mango salsa while Will opted for Chicken Marsala. The conversation while you were waiting for our food was pretty mundane. You and him spoke a little bit about the upcoming presidential elections. Dino was a republican while you was a democrat. You also told him the story of how you came to inherit Ameryn’s house.
Your phone vibrated.
Jay: How’s it going?
You didn’t want to be rude and answer him. So, you ignored the text until Dino excused himself to use the restroom.
Y/n: Aren’t you supposed to be singing?
Jay: It’s my 10 mins break.
Y/n: Everything is fine.
Jay: Just checking to make sure you’re still alive.
Y/n: I have not had to use the knife, no.
Jay: Did you order the lobster like I told you to?
Y/n: No. Swordfish.
He didn’t respond, so you assumed that he was done texting you, which was good, since Dino was headed back to the table.
Your food arrived, and the waitress brought you a second glass of wine. You ate in comfortable silence when you could feel your phone buzz on your lap.
Figuring it was Jay, you was curious to look down but didn’t want to seem rude. After you was halfway through your meal, you decided to excuse yourself to go to the bathroom so that you could check your phone. In the restroom, you leaned against the sink as you took your phone out.
Jay: You were right.
Y/n: Right about what?
After waiting for five full minutes, you decided to head back to the table.
“Everything alright?”
“Yes. Everything is fine.”
“I was thinking we could drive back to Newport, maybe take an evening walk down Main Street and stop for coffee or ice cream, whichever you prefer.”
Truthfully, you wanted to go home, take off your heels, and soak in a nice hot bath.
“That sounds great,” you lied.
Your phone vibrated again. This time, you looked down at your lap to sneak a peek at Jay’s response.
Jay: I didn’t stay because of the gig at Yeonjun’s.
Jay: I could have gone back to New York.
Jay: I wanted to stay.
Those words ensured that you was a complete goner for the remainder of our time at The Boathouse. You didn’t respond to the text, but that was mostly because you didn’t know what to say. He may not have necessarily expected a response. Your heart just felt inexplicably heavy.
Back in the car, you’d just gotten back to Newport when Dino said he needed to run to a convenience store for a minute. Out of nowhere, your nose started running. You badly needed a tissue, so you opened the center console in the hopes of finding something to wipe your nose with. While you didn’t find a tissue, your hand did stumble upon something - a men’s gold wedding band.
“Seriously?” Your heart started to pound furiously. “Are you kidding me right now?” He was probably buying condoms for a tryst with you.
Without thinking it through, you got out of the car and slammed the door. You wasn’t in any mood for a confrontation and honestly didn’t care enough to ream him out. All you cared about was going to see Jay.
Looking down at your phone, you realized he would still be playing the last set at Yeonjun’s, which was about a half-mile walk from your current location. Running in your heels, you panted as you made your way across downtown Newport.
You stopped to catch your breath before entering the restaurant. Because it was cool tonight, Jay was performing on the inside stage. You snuck inside and hid in a corner where he couldn’t see you but where you could still watch him. This had to be close to the end.
His voice suddenly vibrated through the mic. “This last song goes out to all the people who’ve ever had a certain kind of friend who drives you crazy, the kind that gets under your skin and stays there even when they’re not physically present. The kind with dimples you’ve been dreaming about since you were a kid. The kind with seafoam green eyes you get lost in. The kind that’s confusing as all hell. That kind. If you can relate, this song is for you.”
“Oh my God.”
Jay began to play a cover of a song I recognized. It was Realize by Colbie Caillat. Attempting to listen to the words, you couldn’t decipher it all because you was too transfixed on the way he was singing it. The lyrics were mostly about realizing true feelings and how sometimes they could be one-sided.
During most of the song, his eyes were closed, even though he was playing the guitar. He didn’t know you was here, you was pretty sure he was thinking of you. You didn’t know whether you should leave. It felt like you was invading his privacy somewhat. It was doubtful that he would have chosen to sing this song to your face.
When Jay finished the song, he thanked the audience and immediately got up. Ignoring the bevy of women trying to approach him for an autographed CD, he instead just took off to the back of the restaurant. You needed to decide whether you was going to make your presence known.
Still in the corner of the room, you felt your phone vibrate.
Jay: Done for the night. Heading home. Everything kosher?
Y/n: Not exactly.
Jay: ?
You opted pretend that you hadn’t heard the song or what came before it. None of it was meant for your ears. Making your way back outside, you typed.
Y/n: I’m fine. I just got to Yeonjun’s. I’m outside.
Within 10 sec, the door opened, and Jay was outside carrying his guitar. The anger was written all over his face. “What the fvck?”
“Hi to you, too.”
“What happened?”
“Your suspicions about his character were correct.”
“Did he try to touch you?”
“No. He didn’t lay a hand on me.”
“What did he do then?”
“He neglected to mention that he’s married.”
“What? How did you figure that out?”
“I found a men’s wedding ring in the center console of his car.”
“Fvcker.”
“Thank you for looking outforme.”
“I guess old habits die hard.” He stared up at the starry sky.
“Anyway, I’m sorry you wasted your night.”
“The only thing I’m worried about is missing your performance. I left him at the Cumberland Farms convenience store and ran here as fast as I could but didn't make it in time.”
“You didn't miss much.”
“Why is that?”
“I felt a little off tonight.”
“I bet that’s just your perception.”
“No. I was distracted.”
A group of girls came outside and lingered around him. One of them approached him with a CD. “Would you mind signing this, Jay?”
She squealed before scurrying away with her friends. “Not at all.” He was very gracious about it.
You chuckled. “So, you think I could bum a ride off a local celebrity?”
“I didn't know. Your house might be too far out of my way.” He nudged his head.
“Come on. I’m parked in the lot across the street.”
You loved riding in Jay's car because his intoxicating smell was tenfold inside of it. Leaning your head against the seat, you closed your eyes, so incredibly happy to be with him. It hit you that there were really only a matter of days left before he’d be gone back to NYC. You’d be closing up the house, and you wouldn’t see him every day anymore.
When you opened your eyes, realized that he were going over the Mount Hope Bridge. He was driving off the island. “Where are we going?”
“We're taking a little detour. That okay with you?”
Excitement filled you. “Yeah.”
40 minutes later, you arrived in Providence, the city where you lived and where both grew up.
“I haven’t been back here in ages,” he said.
“You’re not missing much.”
“It’s more like I try not to think about what I’m missing.”
He drove through your old neighborhood and eventually made our way down the packed streets of the city’s East Side. When he turned onto a particular side street, it finally hit you where he was taking you. As if it were reserved for both of you, there was an open parking spot right in front of the little red theater. Jay parallel parked and turned off the ignition.
He sat there for a few seconds then turned to you. “It looks open. You think they still have a midnight show?”
“I haven’t been here in years. We could check it out.”
“I never expected this trip down memory lane.”
Jay walked up to the scruffy old man behind the counter. “You still showing indie films?”
“Whatever you want to call them.”
“When's the next movie?”
“Ten minutes.”
“We'll take two tickets.”
“Number one to your left.”
“Thanks," Jay said before leading you into the dark theater. Looking around, you said, “I’m so glad you thought of this.”
“Do you remember this actual room?” he asked.
“I do,” I pointed to the middle. “We used to sit right about there. It smells worse than I remember.”
“It does smell pretty raunchy.”
There was only one other person in the theater, a man sitting diagonally across from you and him. The lights dimmed, and the feature presentation started. Within a few seconds, it became abundantly clear that while the little red theater looked physically the same, everything else had changed.
The opening sequence featured a musical montage of women sucking different men off. It seemed your little red movie house had completely lost its innocence in the years you’d abandoned it. It was now a porno theater. When you looked over at Jay, he was laughing so hard he was practically crying.
You whispered, “Swear to me you didn’t know.”
He wiped his eyes. “I swear to God, Y/n. I had no clue. Did you even see a sign, anything?”
“No. But there never really were signs indicating what was playing, so I just assumed.”
“You know what they say about assuming things.”
“You make an a** out of you and me?”
“Close. Sometimes when you assume things, you accidentally end up in an adult movie theater watching an*l.”
He pointed to the screen, which displayed nothing but a gigantic ass getting screwed. “Our little red theater has been corrupted, Patch.”
To make matters worse, the only other patron in the place seemed to be jerking his hand up and down under a blanket. You both stared over at the guy then erupted in laughter.
“Do you think that’s our cue to leave?” you asked.
“It might be.”
A new scene suddenly popped up on the screen. It wasn’t hardcore as the other and seemed more cinematic, like an actual film as opposed to a cheap triple X video. The music was softer. The snippet featured two guys going to town on a girl slowly and sensually. She was giving oral s3x to one while the other guy was going down on her.
You were supposed to be leaving, but you felt frozen in your seat, unable to take your eyes off of it. You knew Jay was watching it too because he was quiet. The entire thing lasted about ten minutes.
When it was over, you looked over at Jay who was just staring at you. ‘Had he been watching the movie, or was he watching me watching the movie? Did he know I was aroused by it?’
In any case, he didn’t make any snide remarks, and he certainly wasn’t laughing at you.
When he finally spoke up, his voice sounded strained when he whispered in your ear, “You want to stay?”
“No. We should go.”
“Okay.”
When you started to get up, he put his hand on your arm to stop you. “I need a minute.”
“Why?”
He just stared at you like you should have known why. You figured it out.
“Oh…”
You didn’t know what turned you on more, watching that scene or knowing that Jay was hard from it. It was all too much for you. He closed his eyes for about a minute then looked over at you. “It’s not going down.”
“Staying in here isn’t going to help.”
“Probably not.”
“Let’s just go.” You didn’t mean to laugh, but it was pretty funny.
You both got up and exited the theater. You tried really hard not to look down, but your eyes betrayed you as they wandered to the bulge straining through his jeans. Dirty thoughts flooded your mind. .You wished things were different because you could think of a million ways you could help him take care of it.
The ride back to Newport was quiet. The sexual tension in the air was thick. Your nipples had turned to steel, and your panties were soaked knowing that he was probably still hard. It occurred to you that certain situations could be even more arousing than s3x itself those situations where you wanted something so badly but couldn’t have it.
Your body was experiencing an impossible state of arousal.
You pulled up to the house. When he shut off the ignition, he leaned his head back against the seat and turned to you, looking as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. Breaking the ice, you said, “Thank you for attempting to make my night better.”
“Attempt is the operative word. It was an epic fail.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“It wasn’t? I accidentally took you to see a p0rno and got a boner in the process. Am I fifteen?”
“I was turned on, too. It’s just not as obvious.”
“I know. I could tell. That was…” He hesitated and shook his head. “Never mind.”
“Well, anyway. It was still better than the date with Dr. Dino.”
“I can’t believe him. I should go to the hospital and beat the fvck out of him tomorrow.”
“He’s not worth it.” You glanced out the window. “Anyway, we should go inside.”
“Yeah.”
Back inside the house, you lingered in the kitchen. You wasn’t ready to go to sleep, even though it was well past one in the morning. Neither of you budged. “It's so late, but I’m not tired at all,” you said.
"If I make some coffee, fashion, will you have some?"
"Yeah, I’d love some," you smiled. You watched his every move as he prepared the coffee.
His back was to me when he said, “Yunjin is coming back in a few days."
Your heart sank. “Really? Are you going back to NY with her?”
“No. After she leaves, I’ll stay an extra few days to fulfill my promise to Suga.”
He placed a steaming hot mug in front of you. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.”
Over the past 48 hours, it seemed that something between you had shifted. Maybe his change in attitude was a result theimpending end of summer. Sipping the coffee, you said, “I don’t think either one of us will be going to sleep anytime soon after this."
"Might as well just stay up."
Over the next 2 hours, Jay and you just talked, opening up about the things that you’d missed in each other’s lives. You found out that before he moved to NY, he’d actually completed a semester but couldn’t afford to continue. His parents had refused to fund his education if he chose to major in music.
Instead, he moved to NY and took odd jobs and gigs until he eventually went back to school, majoring in business with a minor in music. He told you he met his ex-gf Isa, a few years after he moved there. They lived together for a year and stayed friends even after he broke up with her. She'd been his only serious girlfriend before Yunjin.
He said Yunjin believes that the ex wants to get back with him, even though Isa’s with someone else now.
In between those two relationships, he’d slept around with his fair share of women. You appreciated his being candid with you, but it still hurt to hear that. You told him stories about your time at university and how you chose to major in education because it felt like a solid choice, not because it was something you was passionate about.
Amped up on the coffee, you had literally talked through the night. You was still wearing the black dress from your date. At one point, you went upstairs to use the bathrooms. When you came back down to the kitchen, he was sitting on a stool by the window, tooling around with his guitar. The sun was starting to rise over the ocean. His back was facing you as he started playing “Say you won't let go” by James Arthur.
You leaned against the doorway, listening to his soothing voice. The more you paid attention to the lyrics, the more they seemed metaphorical. The past decade had been like a long season of darkness and regret when it came to Jay and you. This reconnection was really the sun coming up again for the first time.
He’d probably just chosen to sing it because the sun was literally rising. Still, you couldn’t help where your mind travelled, especially on no sleep.
You just needed to learn to accept that Jay was with Yunjin. He was happy, you needed to somehow figure out how to be his friend again without getting hurt in the process.
When the song finished, he turned around and saw that you’d been watching him. You walking over to where he was sitting and gazed out. “The sunrise is beautiful today isn’t it?”
“Really beautiful,” he agreed, except he wasn’t looking at the sun at all.
*****
Yunjin was arriving tomorrow, and that was making you feel very much on edge. You needed to talk to someone, so you coerced your friend and co-worker, Nagyung, to come for a visit to the island. She met you for lunch in town. You hadn’t seen Nagyung since right after the school year ended. With her busy summer schedules, she hadn’t been able to break away until now.
The first half of your lunch date was spent over nachos, giving her the full back story of your history with Jay and rehashing what had happened at the beach house up until now.
“God, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes,” she said. “What are you going to do?”
“What can I do?”
“You could tell him how you feel about him.”
“He’s with Yunjin, and she’s a really good person. I can’t try to make a play for him right under her nose if that's what you mean. I won't do that.”
“But he obviously wants you.”
“I wouldn't say that.”
“Come on, the song he dedicated to you? Sure, he didn't know you heard it, but clearly he's got lingering feelings.”
“Lingering feelings are one thing - acting on them is totally another. He's not going to leave his gorgeous, talented, Broadway star girlfriend who’d been there for him when I wasn’t, just because some old feelings were rekindled. Yunjin’s a great girl.”
“But she’s not you. He’s always wanted you. You’re the one that got away.”
“I’m the km that ran away. He won’t forget that. He might learn to forgive me, but I don’t know that he’ll ever fully trust me. It’s not fair of me to expect him to.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself. You were a kid.”
Nagyung took a bite of her corn chip and spoke with her mouth full, “you said you're not selling the house, right?”
“No. We agreed to keep it. That’s what Ameryn would want.”
“Then whether he stays with Yunjin or not, this house is going to bind the two of you forever. Do you really want to spend every summer for the rest of your life watching the man you love moving on with other women?”
Your heart felt like it was breaking in two. Flashes of many summers turning into winters ran through your mind on fast forward. The idea of that sounded daunting. Year after year of unrequited love for someone you couldn't have was not something you wanted to endure.
“You’re not helping my dilemma. I was hoping you’d talk some sense into me, help me realize that I need to accept things the way they are and move on.”
