Could you help me amplify my family's story and bring awareness to our struggle? 🙏🏻
💬 Please reblog my pinned post or consider donating just $5—your support could truly make a difference in saving lives amidst war and hardship.
Your kindness and voice matter more than you know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! 🤍🌿
🕊️ @mosabsdr | Every share counts. 💫
hi, thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. I'm truly sorry to hear about what your family is going through. I’ll definitely help by sharing your post to spread awareness. wishing you and your loved ones strength and support during this difficult time. stay strong🤍
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Dear friends, kind hearts, and everyone who has stood with us,
When I first opened my heart to the world and shared our story, I never imagined the amount of love and solidarity we would receive. Thanks to your incredible support, we’ve now reached $12,837—a milestone that brings real light to some very dark days.
From the deepest corners of my heart, thank you.
💔 A Journey of Loss, but Also of Strength
As many of you know, I’ve lost 25 of my loved ones during this devastating war. That grief lives with me every single day. It’s in the silence that once held laughter, in the empty spaces where we once gathered as a family.
But through your help, I’ve also felt something else: hope. And that hope is priceless.
“21/Oct/2023 Before It Reached Us: The Day Our Neighbor’s House Was Destroyed”
A quiet moment of fear, filmed just before everything changed.
“22/Oct/2023 The Morning After: Our Family Home in Ruins”
This is what was left behind after the bombing of our home.
🌿 What Life Looks Like for Us Now
Despite everything, we’re still here.
Still surviving. Still hoping.
But things have only gotten harder.
The war has returned, more brutal than before—and for over a month now, Gaza has been completely sealed off. No food is coming in. No medical supplies. No aid. No trade. No one is allowed to leave, and no one is allowed to enter.
We’re trapped.
🏚 We live with the fear of tomorrow, every single day. Airstrikes, drones, and the uncertainty of what might happen next.
👨👩👧 Our family is forever changed—we haven’t just lost people; we’ve lost pieces of ourselves.
📉 Basic needs go unmet—even clean water feels like a luxury now. Medicines, if they exist at all, are unreachable.
And yet…
Your support reminds us that we’re not forgotten. It reminds us that someone, somewhere, is still listening. That someone still cares. That we’re not completely alone in this.
Every message. Every share. Every dollar. It tells us:
You’re walking this road with us.
And that gives us the strength to keep going.
💖 What You Can Do
If you’ve already donated—thank you beyond words.
If you can share our story again, it could reach someone who can help.
Even $5 means warmth, comfort, and a chance to breathe a little easier.
My name is Mosab Elderawi, and I am a survivor of the war in Gaza. Life as I knew it has been completely destroyed. I have lost my home, my
✨ Why It All Matters
This isn’t just about reaching a fundraising goal. It’s about surviving war with dignity.
It’s about believing in tomorrow. It’s about making sure my daughter grows up knowing that the world did not look away.
Thank you for your kindness, patience, and belief in our humanity.
You’ve helped me find my voice—and I will use it to keep hope alive.
🙏 From the Heart: A Quiet Apology
There’s something I need to say—something that’s been on my heart for some time.
When I first began sharing our story, I didn’t know what the right way was. I was scared, grieving, and trying to protect my family in any way I could. I reached out to many people, hoping someone, anyone, would see us. In that process, I now realize I may have overstepped, and I might have made some feel overwhelmed.
If that happened, I am truly sorry.
Please believe me when I say it was never out of disregard or pushiness. It came from a place of fear—fear of being forgotten, fear of not being able to keep my family safe, fear of watching everything I love slip away in silence.
I’m learning as I go. I’ve slowed down. I’m more mindful now, trying to share our journey in a way that feels respectful of the space and hearts of those listening.
If my words ever came at the wrong time, or in the wrong way, I hope you can understand where they came from—and I hope you can forgive me.
Thank you for seeing past my mistakes. Thank you for still being here. It means more than I can ever explain.
Vetted by @gazavetters ( #309 )
With love and endless gratitude,
Mosab and family ♥️
genre: coming-of-age, new adult, personal growth, sexual tension, fams dynamic, lovehate
wordcount: 21k
You sat on the kitchen counter sipping a glass of white wine to relax. The black dress that Jay had chosen actually looked pretty nice. There was no unnecessary skin showing, and that was probably the way it should have been. You ended up putting your long, dark brown hair up into a twist.
A waft of his cologne prompted you to look to the side. Your heart clenched at the sight of Jay standing in the entryway. You hadn’t noticed him until you smelled him. He seemed to be observing you without your knowing. He’d just showered after his workout and looked so incredibly hot in a simple black shirt that hugged his muscles.
The jeans he was wearing were the ones that always displayed his ass in the best way. Even though you had the night off, Jay was supposed to be playing at Yeonjun’s. The women were going to go apesh!t over him tonight. He walked over and pulled up a stool next to you. Your nipples perked up at the closeness of his body.
“Dino was supposed to be picking me up in about 15 minutes.”
He examined your face and said, “You don’t look too excited.”
“I'm not sure how I feel, to be honest.”
“You’re not nervous about going out with that jacka**, are you?”
“A little.”
“Why? He's not worth your nerves.”
“It’s the first date I’ve been on since San.”
He sucked in his jaw almost angrily. “That’s the guy that cheated on you.”
“Yeah. How did you know?”
“Yunjin told me.” It surprised you that they’d been talking about you. You wasn’t sure how you felt about Jay knowing about San.
“Oh.”
“Don’t let what happened with that a**hole make you think you should settle for that comes along.”
“Have you ever cheated on anyone?”
He hesitated before he answered. “Yes. I’m not proud of it. I was younger then, though. It’s not something I would ever do today. The way I see it, if you want to cheat on someone, you should just break up with them. Cheating is for cowards.”
“I agree. I wish that San had just broken up with me.”
“I’m glad you’re not with him anymore.”
“Me, too.”
“He was trying to have the best of both worlds. He’ll end up doing it to the other girl, too. Watch.”
“Yunjin is lucky to have you. To be with someone who is loyal.”
His expression darkened before he said, “Temptation is natural. That doesn’t mean you should act on it.” He seemed to be pondering his next words in an attempt to convince himself of that very fact.
“Right. Of course.”
Jay swiftly changed the subject. “You got your pocket knife?”
“Yes. I’m not going to need it, but it’s in my purse.”
“Good. You have my cell phone number?”
“Yes.”
“You should be taking your own car.”
“I already agreed to have him pick me up.”
“If he tries anything funny, call me. I’ll come get you.”
“But you’ll be in the middle of performing.”
“Doesn’t matter. Call me if you need a ride.”
“Okay. I will.”
His protectiveness reminded you of the old days. Having someone looking out for you was a really good feeling. In fact, you hadn’t felt it since running away from home all those years ago.
You took another sip of your drink. Before you could place it down on the counter, you felt Jay’s hand on yours as he intercepted, taking the glass from your grasp and gulping down the rest of the wine.
Your voice was practically a whisper. “I didn’t know you liked white wine.”
“I’m in a different kind of a mood tonight, I guess.” He took the glass over to the small bar area and refilled it before sitting back down and placing it in front of you.
You quietly drank out of the same goblet, passing it back and forth to each other, making silent eye contact. Whenever he licked the Chardonnay off his lips, it was utterly arousing. You felt so guilty for feeling that way, but it was beyond your control. Like he said, ’temptation was natural, right?’
Knowing that you couldn’t and wouldn’t act on it, made the feelings that much more powerful, though. The fact that he was unattainable made it all-consuming.
If you were being honest, no part of you really wanted to go out with Dino tonight. Every part of you, on the other hand, wanted to go watch Jay perform, especially since you were coming upon the final days before he would return to NY.
The knock on the door was loud and confident. Jay rubbed the back of his neck to massage the tension there. If you didn’t know better, you would think he was the one nervous about this date.
When you hopped down from the stool to answer the door, he said, “Wait.”“Yeah?”
“You look really nice. I think that dress was the right choice.”
Your heart fluttered. “Thank you.”
Your heels clicked on the tile as you walked over to the front door.
Dino was holding a small bouquet of flowers.
“Evening, Y/n. God, you look stunning.”
“Hi, Dino. Thank you. Come in.” Jay’s arms were crossed. His body language was more like an armed guard at a bank rather than a man standing casually in his own kitchen.“You remember my roommate, Jay.”
“Of course. How are you feeling?”
“Very energized at the moment, Dr. Dinosaur.”
Dino seemed annoyed at Jay’s mispronunciation. ‘Dino-saur,’ he corrected. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to anger Dr. Dinor.”
He wasn’t amused. “No problem.”
“Where are you kids going tonight?”
“The Boathouse. You been there?”
“Right on the water. Smooth. Putting out all the stops.” Grabbing your purse, you said, “Well, we should get going.” Jay held his hand out. “I’ll take care of the flowers.”
Somehow, you wondered if they would end up in the trash the second the door closed behind you.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
When you got outside, Dino turned to you. “Your roommate likes to butcher my name. He’s a bit of a wiseass.”
“Yes. He can be.”
Dino opened the door to his Mercedes and let me in the passenger side. The conversation was easy on the way to Tiverton. He asked you about your teaching career, and you spoke about his medical time at the University.
Your phone vibrated.
Jay: Those flowers were from the supermarket.
Y/n: How do you know?
Jay: He left the orange sticker on. What a tool.
Y/n: It’s the thought that counts.
Jay: Look in the backseat. I bet you’ll see milk and eggs.
Y/n: Don’t you have to be at Yeonjun’s?
Jay: Heading out now.
Y/n: Break a leg tonight.
Jay: Stay out of Dinor. Better yet, keep Dinor out of you.
Y/n: You’re a goof.
Jay: Order the lobster. At least you’ll get something out of tonight.
Y/n: Goodbye.
“What’s so funny?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. Sorry.”
He looked over at you. “So, what were we saying? Oh, you were about to tell me when you’re planning to head back to Providence.”
“The last week in August. I have to get my classroom set up for the beginning of September.”
“I bet your students really dig you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I wish I had a teacher that looked like you when I was in middle school.”
“Well, I like to think they appreciate me for other reasons.”
“Oh, I’m sure they do.”
When you arrived to the restaurant, it was already dark out, so the waterfront view wasn’t as great as it would have been during the daylight hours. It was starting to get chilly, so you opted for a window seat inside but overlooking the water.
Lights from some of the sailboats illuminated the dark ocean. White Christmas bulbs hanging inside the restaurant made for a cozy ambiance. The smell of fresh seafood filled the air. You laughed to yourself, thinking of how Jay would probably say the place smelled like dirty snatch.
You ended up ordering swordfish with mango salsa while Will opted for Chicken Marsala. The conversation while you were waiting for our food was pretty mundane. You and him spoke a little bit about the upcoming presidential elections. Dino was a republican while you was a democrat. You also told him the story of how you came to inherit Ameryn’s house.
Your phone vibrated.
Jay: How’s it going?
You didn’t want to be rude and answer him. So, you ignored the text until Dino excused himself to use the restroom.
Y/n: Aren’t you supposed to be singing?
Jay: It’s my 10 mins break.
Y/n: Everything is fine.
Jay: Just checking to make sure you’re still alive.
Y/n: I have not had to use the knife, no.
Jay: Did you order the lobster like I told you to?
Y/n: No. Swordfish.
He didn’t respond, so you assumed that he was done texting you, which was good, since Dino was headed back to the table.
Your food arrived, and the waitress brought you a second glass of wine. You ate in comfortable silence when you could feel your phone buzz on your lap.
Figuring it was Jay, you was curious to look down but didn’t want to seem rude. After you was halfway through your meal, you decided to excuse yourself to go to the bathroom so that you could check your phone. In the restroom, you leaned against the sink as you took your phone out.
Jay: You were right.
Y/n: Right about what?
After waiting for five full minutes, you decided to head back to the table.
“Everything alright?”
“Yes. Everything is fine.”
“I was thinking we could drive back to Newport, maybe take an evening walk down Main Street and stop for coffee or ice cream, whichever you prefer.”
Truthfully, you wanted to go home, take off your heels, and soak in a nice hot bath.
“That sounds great,” you lied.
Your phone vibrated again. This time, you looked down at your lap to sneak a peek at Jay’s response.
Jay: I didn’t stay because of the gig at Yeonjun’s.
Jay: I could have gone back to New York.
Jay: I wanted to stay.
Those words ensured that you was a complete goner for the remainder of our time at The Boathouse. You didn’t respond to the text, but that was mostly because you didn’t know what to say. He may not have necessarily expected a response. Your heart just felt inexplicably heavy.
Back in the car, you’d just gotten back to Newport when Dino said he needed to run to a convenience store for a minute. Out of nowhere, your nose started running. You badly needed a tissue, so you opened the center console in the hopes of finding something to wipe your nose with. While you didn’t find a tissue, your hand did stumble upon something - a men’s gold wedding band.
“Seriously?” Your heart started to pound furiously. “Are you kidding me right now?” He was probably buying condoms for a tryst with you.
Without thinking it through, you got out of the car and slammed the door. You wasn’t in any mood for a confrontation and honestly didn’t care enough to ream him out. All you cared about was going to see Jay.
Looking down at your phone, you realized he would still be playing the last set at Yeonjun’s, which was about a half-mile walk from your current location. Running in your heels, you panted as you made your way across downtown Newport.
You stopped to catch your breath before entering the restaurant. Because it was cool tonight, Jay was performing on the inside stage. You snuck inside and hid in a corner where he couldn’t see you but where you could still watch him. This had to be close to the end.
His voice suddenly vibrated through the mic. “This last song goes out to all the people who’ve ever had a certain kind of friend who drives you crazy, the kind that gets under your skin and stays there even when they’re not physically present. The kind with dimples you’ve been dreaming about since you were a kid. The kind with seafoam green eyes you get lost in. The kind that’s confusing as all hell. That kind. If you can relate, this song is for you.”
“Oh my God.”
Jay began to play a cover of a song I recognized. It was Realize by Colbie Caillat. Attempting to listen to the words, you couldn’t decipher it all because you was too transfixed on the way he was singing it. The lyrics were mostly about realizing true feelings and how sometimes they could be one-sided.
During most of the song, his eyes were closed, even though he was playing the guitar. He didn’t know you was here, you was pretty sure he was thinking of you. You didn’t know whether you should leave. It felt like you was invading his privacy somewhat. It was doubtful that he would have chosen to sing this song to your face.
When Jay finished the song, he thanked the audience and immediately got up. Ignoring the bevy of women trying to approach him for an autographed CD, he instead just took off to the back of the restaurant. You needed to decide whether you was going to make your presence known.
Still in the corner of the room, you felt your phone vibrate.
Jay: Done for the night. Heading home. Everything kosher?
Y/n: Not exactly.
Jay: ?
You opted pretend that you hadn’t heard the song or what came before it. None of it was meant for your ears. Making your way back outside, you typed.
Y/n: I’m fine. I just got to Yeonjun’s. I’m outside.
Within 10 sec, the door opened, and Jay was outside carrying his guitar. The anger was written all over his face. “What the fvck?”
“Hi to you, too.”
“What happened?”
“Your suspicions about his character were correct.”
“Did he try to touch you?”
“No. He didn’t lay a hand on me.”
“What did he do then?”
“He neglected to mention that he’s married.”
“What? How did you figure that out?”
“I found a men’s wedding ring in the center console of his car.”
“Fvcker.”
“Thank you for looking outforme.”
“I guess old habits die hard.” He stared up at the starry sky.
“Anyway, I’m sorry you wasted your night.”
“The only thing I’m worried about is missing your performance. I left him at the Cumberland Farms convenience store and ran here as fast as I could but didn't make it in time.”
“You didn't miss much.”
“Why is that?”
“I felt a little off tonight.”
“I bet that’s just your perception.”
“No. I was distracted.”
A group of girls came outside and lingered around him. One of them approached him with a CD. “Would you mind signing this, Jay?”
She squealed before scurrying away with her friends. “Not at all.” He was very gracious about it.
You chuckled. “So, you think I could bum a ride off a local celebrity?”
“I didn't know. Your house might be too far out of my way.” He nudged his head.
“Come on. I’m parked in the lot across the street.”
You loved riding in Jay's car because his intoxicating smell was tenfold inside of it. Leaning your head against the seat, you closed your eyes, so incredibly happy to be with him. It hit you that there were really only a matter of days left before he’d be gone back to NYC. You’d be closing up the house, and you wouldn’t see him every day anymore.
When you opened your eyes, realized that he were going over the Mount Hope Bridge. He was driving off the island. “Where are we going?”
“We're taking a little detour. That okay with you?”
Excitement filled you. “Yeah.”
40 minutes later, you arrived in Providence, the city where you lived and where both grew up.
“I haven’t been back here in ages,” he said.
“You’re not missing much.”
“It’s more like I try not to think about what I’m missing.”
He drove through your old neighborhood and eventually made our way down the packed streets of the city’s East Side. When he turned onto a particular side street, it finally hit you where he was taking you. As if it were reserved for both of you, there was an open parking spot right in front of the little red theater. Jay parallel parked and turned off the ignition.
He sat there for a few seconds then turned to you. “It looks open. You think they still have a midnight show?”
“I haven’t been here in years. We could check it out.”
“I never expected this trip down memory lane.”
Jay walked up to the scruffy old man behind the counter. “You still showing indie films?”
“Whatever you want to call them.”
“When's the next movie?”
“Ten minutes.”
“We'll take two tickets.”
“Number one to your left.”
“Thanks," Jay said before leading you into the dark theater. Looking around, you said, “I’m so glad you thought of this.”
“Do you remember this actual room?” he asked.
“I do,” I pointed to the middle. “We used to sit right about there. It smells worse than I remember.”
“It does smell pretty raunchy.”
There was only one other person in the theater, a man sitting diagonally across from you and him. The lights dimmed, and the feature presentation started. Within a few seconds, it became abundantly clear that while the little red theater looked physically the same, everything else had changed.
The opening sequence featured a musical montage of women sucking different men off. It seemed your little red movie house had completely lost its innocence in the years you’d abandoned it. It was now a porno theater. When you looked over at Jay, he was laughing so hard he was practically crying.
You whispered, “Swear to me you didn’t know.”
He wiped his eyes. “I swear to God, Y/n. I had no clue. Did you even see a sign, anything?”
“No. But there never really were signs indicating what was playing, so I just assumed.”
“You know what they say about assuming things.”
“You make an a** out of you and me?”
“Close. Sometimes when you assume things, you accidentally end up in an adult movie theater watching an*l.”
He pointed to the screen, which displayed nothing but a gigantic ass getting screwed. “Our little red theater has been corrupted, Patch.”
To make matters worse, the only other patron in the place seemed to be jerking his hand up and down under a blanket. You both stared over at the guy then erupted in laughter.
“Do you think that’s our cue to leave?” you asked.
“It might be.”
A new scene suddenly popped up on the screen. It wasn’t hardcore as the other and seemed more cinematic, like an actual film as opposed to a cheap triple X video. The music was softer. The snippet featured two guys going to town on a girl slowly and sensually. She was giving oral s3x to one while the other guy was going down on her.
You were supposed to be leaving, but you felt frozen in your seat, unable to take your eyes off of it. You knew Jay was watching it too because he was quiet. The entire thing lasted about ten minutes.
When it was over, you looked over at Jay who was just staring at you. ‘Had he been watching the movie, or was he watching me watching the movie? Did he know I was aroused by it?’
In any case, he didn’t make any snide remarks, and he certainly wasn’t laughing at you.
When he finally spoke up, his voice sounded strained when he whispered in your ear, “You want to stay?”
“No. We should go.”
“Okay.”
When you started to get up, he put his hand on your arm to stop you. “I need a minute.”
“Why?”
He just stared at you like you should have known why. You figured it out.
“Oh…”
You didn’t know what turned you on more, watching that scene or knowing that Jay was hard from it. It was all too much for you. He closed his eyes for about a minute then looked over at you. “It’s not going down.”
“Staying in here isn’t going to help.”
“Probably not.”
“Let’s just go.” You didn’t mean to laugh, but it was pretty funny.
You both got up and exited the theater. You tried really hard not to look down, but your eyes betrayed you as they wandered to the bulge straining through his jeans. Dirty thoughts flooded your mind. .You wished things were different because you could think of a million ways you could help him take care of it.
The ride back to Newport was quiet. The sexual tension in the air was thick. Your nipples had turned to steel, and your panties were soaked knowing that he was probably still hard. It occurred to you that certain situations could be even more arousing than s3x itself those situations where you wanted something so badly but couldn’t have it.
Your body was experiencing an impossible state of arousal.
You pulled up to the house. When he shut off the ignition, he leaned his head back against the seat and turned to you, looking as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. Breaking the ice, you said, “Thank you for attempting to make my night better.”
“Attempt is the operative word. It was an epic fail.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“It wasn’t? I accidentally took you to see a p0rno and got a boner in the process. Am I fifteen?”
“I was turned on, too. It’s just not as obvious.”
“I know. I could tell. That was…” He hesitated and shook his head. “Never mind.”
“Well, anyway. It was still better than the date with Dr. Dino.”
“I can’t believe him. I should go to the hospital and beat the fvck out of him tomorrow.”
“He’s not worth it.” You glanced out the window. “Anyway, we should go inside.”
“Yeah.”
Back inside the house, you lingered in the kitchen. You wasn’t ready to go to sleep, even though it was well past one in the morning. Neither of you budged. “It's so late, but I’m not tired at all,” you said.
"If I make some coffee, fashion, will you have some?"
"Yeah, I’d love some," you smiled. You watched his every move as he prepared the coffee.
His back was to me when he said, “Yunjin is coming back in a few days."
Your heart sank. “Really? Are you going back to NY with her?”
“No. After she leaves, I’ll stay an extra few days to fulfill my promise to Suga.”
He placed a steaming hot mug in front of you. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.”
Over the past 48 hours, it seemed that something between you had shifted. Maybe his change in attitude was a result theimpending end of summer. Sipping the coffee, you said, “I don’t think either one of us will be going to sleep anytime soon after this."
"Might as well just stay up."
Over the next 2 hours, Jay and you just talked, opening up about the things that you’d missed in each other’s lives. You found out that before he moved to NY, he’d actually completed a semester but couldn’t afford to continue. His parents had refused to fund his education if he chose to major in music.
Instead, he moved to NY and took odd jobs and gigs until he eventually went back to school, majoring in business with a minor in music. He told you he met his ex-gf Isa, a few years after he moved there. They lived together for a year and stayed friends even after he broke up with her. She'd been his only serious girlfriend before Yunjin.
He said Yunjin believes that the ex wants to get back with him, even though Isa’s with someone else now.
In between those two relationships, he’d slept around with his fair share of women. You appreciated his being candid with you, but it still hurt to hear that. You told him stories about your time at university and how you chose to major in education because it felt like a solid choice, not because it was something you was passionate about.
Amped up on the coffee, you had literally talked through the night. You was still wearing the black dress from your date. At one point, you went upstairs to use the bathrooms. When you came back down to the kitchen, he was sitting on a stool by the window, tooling around with his guitar. The sun was starting to rise over the ocean. His back was facing you as he started playing “Say you won't let go” by James Arthur.
You leaned against the doorway, listening to his soothing voice. The more you paid attention to the lyrics, the more they seemed metaphorical. The past decade had been like a long season of darkness and regret when it came to Jay and you. This reconnection was really the sun coming up again for the first time.
He’d probably just chosen to sing it because the sun was literally rising. Still, you couldn’t help where your mind travelled, especially on no sleep.
You just needed to learn to accept that Jay was with Yunjin. He was happy, you needed to somehow figure out how to be his friend again without getting hurt in the process.
When the song finished, he turned around and saw that you’d been watching him. You walking over to where he was sitting and gazed out. “The sunrise is beautiful today isn’t it?”
“Really beautiful,” he agreed, except he wasn’t looking at the sun at all.
*****
Yunjin was arriving tomorrow, and that was making you feel very much on edge. You needed to talk to someone, so you coerced your friend and co-worker, Nagyung, to come for a visit to the island. She met you for lunch in town. You hadn’t seen Nagyung since right after the school year ended. With her busy summer schedules, she hadn’t been able to break away until now.
The first half of your lunch date was spent over nachos, giving her the full back story of your history with Jay and rehashing what had happened at the beach house up until now.
“God, I wouldn't want to be in your shoes,” she said. “What are you going to do?”
“What can I do?”
“You could tell him how you feel about him.”
“He’s with Yunjin, and she’s a really good person. I can’t try to make a play for him right under her nose if that's what you mean. I won't do that.”
“But he obviously wants you.”
“I wouldn't say that.”
“Come on, the song he dedicated to you? Sure, he didn't know you heard it, but clearly he's got lingering feelings.”
“Lingering feelings are one thing - acting on them is totally another. He's not going to leave his gorgeous, talented, Broadway star girlfriend who’d been there for him when I wasn’t, just because some old feelings were rekindled. Yunjin’s a great girl.”
“But she’s not you. He’s always wanted you. You’re the one that got away.”
“I’m the km that ran away. He won’t forget that. He might learn to forgive me, but I don’t know that he’ll ever fully trust me. It’s not fair of me to expect him to.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself. You were a kid.”
Nagyung took a bite of her corn chip and spoke with her mouth full, “you said you're not selling the house, right?”
“No. We agreed to keep it. That’s what Ameryn would want.”
“Then whether he stays with Yunjin or not, this house is going to bind the two of you forever. Do you really want to spend every summer for the rest of your life watching the man you love moving on with other women?”
Your heart felt like it was breaking in two. Flashes of many summers turning into winters ran through your mind on fast forward. The idea of that sounded daunting. Year after year of unrequited love for someone you couldn't have was not something you wanted to endure.
“You’re not helping my dilemma. I was hoping you’d talk some sense into me, help me realize that I need to accept things the way they are and move on.”
genre: coming-of-age, new adult, personal growth, sexual tension, fams dynamic, lovehate
wordcount: 19k
nb: I took a little bit from jay's enlog
+a/n: [re-up] ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT *sad brutally* luckily I had the notes
You wanted to go backwards, back in time and hug him. Never let him go. Still reeling from his admission, you dug your nails into the back of the couch and said, “I don’t want us to be virtual strangers. You still mean so much to me. The fact that you’re angry at me won’t change that.”
“What do you want from me?”
“I want us to try to be friends again. I want us to be able to sit in the same room and talk to each other, maybe have a few laughs. We’re gonna always own this house together in any case. Someday, we’ll be bringing children here. We need to get along.”
“I'm not gonna have children,” he said emphatically.
The fact that Yunjin had confided in you about Jay’s not wanting kids had skipped your mind.
“She told me.”
“She did, did she? What else did you talk about? My d*ck size? You tell her you got a good look at it?”
You chose not to entertain the quip and stayed with the subject at hand. “Why don’t you want children, Jay?”
“You of all people should understand that it’s asinine to bring a child into this world if you’re not 100% sure of your capabilities. My parents are a prime example of people who should have never procreated.”
“You’re not your parents.”
“No, but I’m a fvcked-up product of their mistakes, and I’m not gonna repeat history.”
It made you immensely sad that he felt that way. Thinking back to how protective he always was of you, you knew Jay would make an amazing father. He just couldn’t see that. Knowing that you had promised yoj wouldn’t rehash the past beyond tonight, an urgent need to get more off your chest overtook you.
“I beg to differ. I think that you are so much stronger as a person because you had to grow up a lot quicker than kids who were coddled and handed everything easily. You’ve given to others what your parents neglected to give you. I’ll never forget how you always managed to make me laugh even when it seemed impossible, how you always knew exactly what I needed, how you always protected me. Those are the qualities that would make someone a good parent. And whether you have children or not, you are an amazing human being. Not only that, your musical talent completely blows me away. It makes me so sad to think of everything that I missed because of my stupidity and fear. I know we’ve both changed somewhat, but I still see all the good in you even when you are trying so hard to hide behind a mask.”
Your eyes started to water, and a teardrop fell. “I miss you, Jay.” It felt like everything had just come pouring out of you before you could think about the consequences of being so open about your feelings.
He startled you when he reached over and swiped a teardrop from your cheek with his thumb, prompting you to close your eyes. His touch felt so good. “I think we’ve talked enough for tonight,” he said.
Nodding, you said, “Okay.”
He lifted himself off the couch and turned off the television. “Come on. Let’s get some air.”
You followed his lead out the front door and down to the beach. You walked in silence for what seemed like an eternity. The night was still except for the sound of the waves crashing. The ocean breeze was calming, and as strange as it was, the silence between us seemed like a therapeutic exorcism of some kind.
It felt as though a huge weight had been lifted because you’d gotten to say what you wanted to. Even though there wasn’t really a clear conclusion to our conflict, it was more closure than you’d ever had with him.
The sound of Jay’s phone interrupted the quiet of your walk. He picked it up. “Hey.”
“Everything is good?”
“That’s great. It’s really happening. What are you doin?”
“Just taking a walk.”
You found it interesting that he didn’t mention he was with you.
“Okay. I love you.”
“Alright. Bye.” After he hung up, you looked at him. “How’s Yunjin?”
“She’s good. She’s going to get to perform tomorrow night because the lead’s grandfather died.”
“Wow. That’s amazing. Well, not that the grandfather died.”
“Yeah. I got that.”
Not another word was spoken until you started to approach the house. Jay pointed to something in the distance. “Do you see that?”
“Where?”
The next thing you knew you felt weightless. Jay had lifted you off your feet and was running toward the shore. Judging from his laughter, there was nothing to point out he’d just been trying to distract you long enough to snatch you up.
He dumped your fully clothed body into the ocean. Salty water ran down your throat and up your nose. Jay immediately ran back to the sand, leaving you to wade through the water after him. He’d planted himself on the sand and was still laughing. He’d taken off his shirt which had gotten wet, and his pants were soaked.
“Do you feel better now?” you huffed.
“A little.” He chuckled. “Actually a lot.”
“Well, good. I’m glad for you,” you said, wringing out your dress.
He stood up. “Let me.” Jay surprised you when he stood behind you and twisted your long hair to help get the water out.
His hands lingered for a few seconds, causing your ribs to tingle. You turned around to distract from it and was met by his brown eyes staring into yours. They were glowing in the reflection of the light coming from your house. He looked heartbreakingly handsome.
Fumbling your words a bit, you said, “Um.. thank you. Well, I suppose I shouldn’t be thanking you, because you caused it.”
“It was a long time coming. I’d wanted to throw you in the water since the first day I got here.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. Really.” He smiled mischievously.
“By the way, why are you still here?”
He squinted. “What do you mean?”
“You could have easily gone back to NY with her. You know that.”
“Are you implying something?”
“I’m not implying anything. I just know that you’ve been using the Yeonjun’s gig as the reason, and I find that hard to believe.”
“What do you want to hear, Y/n? That I’m here because of you?”
“No, I don’t know. I..”
“I don’t know why I’m here. Alright? That’s the truth. It just didn’t feel like it was time to leave.”
“Fair enough.”
“Are you done interrogating me for one night, pain in my ass?”
“Yes.” you smiled. “‘Payne in my ass’” was another name he used to call you. It was a play o the last name, Payne.
“Good.”
“For the record, I’m really glad you stayed.”
He shook his head and rubbed his eyes then said, “Trying to hate you is so exhausting.”
“So, stop trying.”
Your teeth started to chatter, it was getting chilly out.
“We’d better go inside,” he said.
Following him to the house, you couldn’t help thinking that the cold air outside had nothing on the warm feeling inside of me from having reconnected with him tonight.
“You hungry?” he asked.
“Starving, actually.”
“Go change. I’ll make dinner.”
“Really?”
“Well, we gotta eat, don’t we?”
“Yeah. I guess we do. I’ll be back.” You smiled all the way to your room, giddy from the idea of him cooking for you.
When you returned with a dry outfit, your heart fluttered at the sight of Jay standing at the stove. He was still shirtless and wearing his gray beanie while frying some vegetables in a pan.
You cleared your throat. “Smells good. What are you making?”
“Just a teriyaki stir fry with rice seeing as though you have a limited palate. When the hell did you stop eating red meat anyway? You used to be a carnivore.”
He must have remembered how much we enjoyed Burger Barn together in the old days.
“One day, I just woke up and thought about how bizarre it was to be eating a cow. It made no sense. And I just stopped cold turkey.”
“Seriously? That’s kind of ridiculous.”
“Yes.”
“You’ve always been a little bizarre, Y/n. I can’t say that surprises me.”
You winked. “That’s why you love me.” You’d meant it to come out facetiously but immediately regretted using the word love given his prior admission.
When he didn’t respond, you panicked and diarrheal of the mouth developed. “I didn’t mean that you still love me. I was just joking.”
He held out his palm. “Stop while you’re ahead. I knew what you meant.”
You pursed your lips, trying to think of a quick change of subject. “Do you think you’ll go back to playing at Yeonjun’s tomorrow night?”
“Probably.”
“Good. I’m really looking forward to hearing you perform again.”
He grabbed two plates and emptied the contents of the pan onto each of them and slid mine across the counter. “Here.”
“Thank you. This smells delicious.”
The dish he’d made was actually very tasty. He’d added sesame seeds and water chestnuts. “Where did you learn to cook like this?”
“Self-taught. I’ve been cooking for myself for years.”
“Where are your parents now?”
“I thought we were done talking about this stuff.”
“Sorry. You’re right.”
Despite his having said that, he looked up from his plate and answered your question anyway. “My mother moved back to Cincinnati when I was in college. They sold the house. My father lives in.. I don't know, he likes to work abroad.”
“How long after I left did things continue between my mother and him?”
“About a year. My mother found out about what they were doing under our roof and kicked him out. He lived with Helen for a while before things went sour between them.”
“He moved in with her?”
“Yeah.”
You couldn’t believe it.
“My mother kept that from me then. That explains why Ameryn stopped speaking to her around that time. She was mortified by their actions.”
“I spent a lot of time over there with your grandmother before I moved away. She was the only person who kept me sane.”
“Did you ever talk about me to her?”
“She tried to get me to, but I wouldn’t.”
“Do you think she left us both this house because she knew it would force us to face each other?”
“I honestly don’t know, Y/n.”
“I think she did.”
“I had no intention of coming here and trying to make amends with you.”
“No, really? I didn’t catch on.” When he cracked a slight smile, you asked, “Do you still feel the same?”
“Things don’t change overnight. We talked. That’s not gonna erase years of shit that happened. We’re not going to just be able to magically be best friends again.”
“I never expected that.”
Playing with the remnants of your food, you thought long and hard before speaking again. “I’m just gonna say one last thing. And then I promise I won’t harp on it anymore.”
“I wouldn’t put money on that.” When his mouth curved into another smile, it was enough to give me the confidence to spill your guts one last time.
“I'll probably spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t run away, if I’d just put my fear aside and told you everything I was feeling. You told me tonight that you were in love with me back then. I truly didn’t know that, Jay, but I wish I had. I really had no clue you felt that way. I need you to know that I loved you, too. I just had a really shitty way of showing it. And to think that you spent all of these years hating me. I just want you to be happy. If being around me makes you angry or stressed, then I don’t want to force anything, and if that’s the case, maybe it is best that we keep our distance. But if there’s a chance that we can truly be friends again, I would want nothing more. And I’m not stupid. Of course, I know it won’t happen overnight. That’s it. I won’t say anything else about it.”
You got up from the table and put your plate in the dishwasher. “Thank you for dinner and for talking to me. I’m gonna turn in early.”
Just as your foot hit the first step to go upstairs, his voice stopped me. “I never hated you. I couldn’t hate you if I tried. Believe me, I have tried.”
Turning around and smiling, I said, “Good to know.”
“Good night, Payne in my ass.”
“Good night, Jay.”
You was having my morning coffee when a text notification lit up you phone. It was from Dr. Dino. ‘How about dinner tomorrow night?’
You pondered your reply. It would probably do you some good to take advantage of a distraction from Jay. Since your talk the other night, things had been more cordial between both. At least he was no longer avoiding you. After he performed last night, you actually drove home from Yeonjun’s together. It was a quiet ride, but it was a step in the right direction. So, things were as good as they could have been.
The problem was you. You still couldn’t curb your attraction to him and didn’t know where to draw the line on your emotions. You thought about him every second of the day. You’d be going your separate ways soon, not to mention the not insignificant detail of his committed relationship with Yunjin.
You would never do anything intentionally to jeopardize that. But you still couldn’t control your feelings. Your fingers forced out a response to Dino. ‘Tomorrow night sounds great. Just let me know what time.’
Jay’s deep morning voice startled me. “I see you made coffee fusion.”
You jumped, quickly putting down the phone.
He snickered. “Oh. Did I interrupt something? You texting a boy?”
“No.”
He glared at you suspiciously. “Liar.”
A nervous laugh escaped you. “Want some coffee?”
“Trying to change the subject?”
“Maybe.”
“So, who was it?”
“Dino.”
“Dr. Dino?”
“Yes.”
“Ever heard of stranger dinosaur?”
“Yes.”
“They created that term about him.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I’m pretty sure. Yeah.” He poured himself a mug of coffee and turned to me again. “Seriously? Dr. Cheesehall? You’re gonna go out with him?”
Nodding, you said, “Tomorrow night. What’s your problem with him anyway?”
“He’s disrespectful.”
“In what way?”
“That guy was eyeing you before he even confirmed we weren’t together.”
“Maybe he’s just perceptive.”
“How?”
“He sensed your disdain toward me. It was quite obvious.”
“Where’s he taking you?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“You should find out.”
“What does it matter?”
“In case you go missing, I’ll know where to tell the police to start looking.”
Evening rolled around, and you had absolutely no clue what to wear. Dino said he was taking you to this restaurant on the water in nearby Tiverton. It was going to be a humid night, so you opted for a lightweight floral tube dress that you’d bought one afternoon while out shopping with Yunjin earlier this summer.
You could hear Jay panting from down the hall. Didn’t dare go over there to assess the situation after what happened the last time, you found myself witness to that jerk-off jamboree. After several minutes, what sounded like punching was added into the mix.
You broke your vow to stay out of it and marched out of your room to check things out. It turned out that Jay was in the exercise room beating the shit out of an Everlast punching bag.
Beads of sweat were dripping down his sculpted back. The room smelled of sweat mixed with his cologne. His hair was drenched. He had headpone in, and you could hear the music blasting through them. Gritting his teeth, he hit the black rubber contraption harder and harder. Your heart beat faster with every punch.
When you inched cautiously closer, he growled, “Get out of the way.”
you flinched as his arm swung dangerously close to you.
You backed up but stayed watching him from the corner of the room. you’d seen him working out before but never like this. He was like a beast, so strong and virile. It occurred to you that with Jade gone so long, he must have been sexually frustrated.
Maybe that was why he was taking it out on the punching bag. Whatever the reason, you was transfixed by the energy he was expending and found yourself unable to take your eyes off him.
He suddenly stopped, lowering the headphones on his neck, and moved over to the doorway where he’d set up a metal bar for pull ups. Your eyes followed.
He jumped down from the bar and wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. “Nothing better to do than to watch me work out? Aren’t you supposed to be getting dressed for a date?”
“I'm dressed.”
“That’s Yunjin’s dress, isn’t it?”
“No. It’s the same one she has, but this one is mine. We both bought these from the same shop on clearance the same day.”
“It looks normal on her. On you…it looks ridiculous.”
Your stomach sank. “Are you saying I’m fat?”
“No, but your body is different than hers. That dress looks obscene on you.”
Looking down at yourself, you suddenly felt naked. “What are you talking about?”
“You want me to spell it out?”
“Yes.”
He came up behind you, grabbing your shoulders and positioning you in front of the full-length mirror on the wall. Shivers ran down your spine from the feel of his rough hands on you.
“Look. Your tits are busting out of it. Your nipples are poking out of the middle of those daisy flowers.”
Your mind was in a fog because all you could see was you in the mirror with Jay’s hot, sweaty body behind you. Then, he flipped you around fast and his stare was burning into yours.
He was too close for comfort, and your legs felt like they were going to collapse under you from the surge of sexual awareness. “Look at your ass in the mirror. The material can barely wrap around it. You think Dr. Diilittle is going to be able to look you in the eyes when you’re dressed like that?”
“You really think this looks that bad?”
He suddenly walked away from you and returned to the pull-up bar. Your nipples were tingling. You just wanted his hands on you again. “I think it makes you look like a whore,” he said before doing a few more reps in silence.
He hopped down, the weight of his body causing a large thump against the wood floor. “You really are that oblivious, aren’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You never did have any clue what kind of effect you have on people.”
“Be specific, please.”
“When we were younger, you would sit on my lap, put your hands on me, run your fingers through my hair, hug me all of the time with your massive tits pressed against me. I spent half of my teenage years walking around with a hard on that I couldn’t do anything about. The entire time you apparently had no clue.”
“I didn’t.”
“I know that now. And you have no idea how many times I had to defend you behind your back. Guys talking about your body, saying sexual things about you right in front of my face. Do you have any clue how many fights I got into because of you?”
“You never told me.”
“No. I didn’t. Because I was trying to protect your feelings. I tried so hard to fucking protect you from shit, and that was the one thing that bit me in the ass in the end.”
“I’m sorry.”
He held his hands up. “You know what? Never mind. My bad. Let’s not do this again. I told you we were done talking. And we are.”
“Okay.”
“I’d like to continue my work out in peace if you don’t mind.”
“Alright.”
Back in your room, you could hear that he’d returned to the punching bag in full force. Still reeling from his words, you couldn’t help but wonder if he was right. Maybe you was really just a clueless person.
But he never exactly expressed his feelings to you back then, either. “Was I supposed to be a mind reader?” you felt like you needed to make that point. It was bugging you. You returned down the hall and spoke through his violent hooks to the bag.
“The other night you asked me why I never told you how I felt. Well, clearly you didn’t have the balls to tell me how you felt, either.”
Jay stopped punching but kept his arms on the bag, leaning against it. He took a few seconds to catch his breath. “I thought it was understood. How much more obvious could I have been? All the f*cking songs I wrote you? Did you ever even see me with any other girls?”
“No. But you did admit to kissing someone before that night at Sunghoon’s.”
“I did kiss one girl before that night. Wanna know why? Because I didn’t want to be clueless as to what the f*ck I was doing when I finally got the courage to kiss you. I never considered it a real kiss. I wanted my first real one to be with you. I wanted everything with you. But I was afraid you were too young, so I was waiting. I didn’t want to rush things and ruin it. But you’re right. A part of me also didn’t have the balls to tell you how I felt.”
“I wish you had. You were being careful, and I was just clueless. Together, we were…careless.”
“Careful plus clueless equals careless? Did you just make that up right now?”
“Yes.”
“That’s pretty cheesy.”
“Thanks a lot.”
“You’d better get ready for your date with Trapper Dinosaur.”
You laughed, relieved that he was smiling about things now. “Will you help me?”
“Help you? What the f*ck do you need help with?”
“Help me pick out what to wear. Because I think you’re right. This is a little skimpy.”
“A little skimpy? Hustler would be calling you tomorrow if I sent them a picture.”
“Alright. A lot skimpy.”
“You can’t figure this shit out on your own? It’s pretty simple. You cover your tits and ass. Done.”
“Yeah. But I still want to look good. You know I have a tendency to pick weird stuff. Potato sack couture and all. I feel like I go from one extreme to the other, and I don’t know how to dress in between.”
“Fine.” Jay let out an exhausted breath and followed you to your room.
You started to take dresses out of your closet, throwing them on the bed one by one. “How about this?”
“Slutty.”
“This one?”
“Sluttier.”
“Okay. This?”
“You got Birkenstocks to go with it?”
“Alright? This one?”
“Well, that would be one way to get rid of him.”
You covered your face. “Aargh! This is so frustrating.”
“I know a solution.”
“What?”
“Don’t go on the date.”
“Because I can’t figure out what to wear?!”
“Yeah. I think you should stay home.”
“You just don’t like him.”
“You’re damn right.”
“Again, why?”
“He just wants in your pants, Y/n.”
“Well, he’s not getting in my pants.”
“You sure about that?”
“I don’t sleep with guys on the first date.”
He lifted his brow skeptically. “You’ve never slept with a guy on the first date?”
“Well…”
“Exactly.”
“Even if I wanted to sleep with him which I don’t, it wouldn’t be tonight.”
“Why is that?”
“I stabbed myself again.”
He shook his head and chuckled when he figured out you was referring to your period. “I see.”
“Why do you think that he’s only interested in me for my body anyway?”
“It was his eyes. I don’t trust them. You can tell a lot about someone by the look in their eyes. His gave me a bad vibe.”
“Well, I have more going for me than my tits and ass. So, hopefully you’re wrong.”
“You’re right. You have nice deep-set dimples when you smile, too.”
My body felt flush from the compliment that had come out of the blue. I didn’t know how to respond, so I simply said, “Shut up.”
“Just be careful,” he said seriously, reaching into his back pocket. “Speaking of which.. take this with you.” It was his old red Swiss Army knife from when you were younger.
“You still have this?”
“I’ll never stop needing this.”
“You really want me to take this with me?”
“Yes.”
Taking it from him, you said, “Okay.”
“Are we done here?”
“We still haven’t picked out what I’m wearing.”
Jay walked over to your closet nd ran his hand slowly along the lineup of outfits, eventually stopping at a simple black sleeveless dress that was far from revealing. It looked more like something you could wear to a funeral. Actually, it was the dress you had bought to wear to Ameryn’s funeral before you realized she had explicitly written that she didn’t want one. She wanted to just be cremated with her ashes thrown in the ocean without any fanfare.
“This one? Really?”
He held the dress in his hand. “Don’t ask for my help if you’re not gonna listen.”
“Okay. This one it is.” I took it from him and watched as he made his way out the door. Your eyes focused on the rectangular tattoo on his back.
Even though you always thought it was sexy as hell, you was never able to get a good enough look at it for some reason until now. “Jay.”
He turned around. “Yeah.”
“What is that tattoo on your back?”
His body stiffened. “It’s a bar code.”
“That’s what I thought. I always wondered. Does it mean anything?”
Refusing to answer my question, he simply said, “Get dressed. You don’t want to be late for Dr. D!ck.”
genre: coming-of-age, new adult, personal growth, sexual tension, fams dynamic, lovehate
wordcount: 37k (the longest I've ever made istg)
warning: harsh words
a/n: I'm using his real identity, to stay realistic bc it also has to do with his favorite lover - guitar. so don't put it to heart the bad side fyi I dare not be jealous ok love ya 𖹭
A car nearly hit you as you practically floated across the street in a daze after leaving the attorney's office. All these years, you’d tried so hard not to think about him. Now, he was all you could think about. Flashes of him invaded your mind. His dark hair, his laughter, the strum of his guitar, the deep sadness and disappointment in his gorgeous eyes the last time you saw him 9 years ago.
You was never supposed to face him again, let alone own a house with him. Living with Jay was not an option, even if just for the summer. It was probably more like there wasn’t a chance in hell that Jay was going to agree to share a house with you. Whether you liked it or not, though, the beach house in Newport was common property now. Not yours. Not his. Fifty-fifty.
“What the hell was Ameryn thinking?” You’d always known she cared deeply about him, but there was no way you could have predicted the extent of her generosity. He wasn’t even related to you, but she’d always thought of him as her grandson. You picked up your phone and scrolled down to Nagyung’s name. When she picked up, you let out a sigh of relief.
“Where are you?” you asked.
“On the west side. Why?”
“Can you meet up? I really need to talk to someone.”
“Are you okay?”
Your mind went blank before slowly filling again with fragmented thoughts of Jay. Your chest tightened. He hated you. You’d avoided him for so long, but you was really going to have to face him now. Nagyung’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts.
“Are you still there?”
“Yeah. Everything’s fine, where are you again?”
“Meet me at the falafel place. We’ll have an early dinner and talk about whatever is going on.”
“Okay. See you in ten.”
Nagyung was a fairly new friend, so she knew little about your childhood or teen years. You taught together at a local charter school in Providence. You had taken today off to meet with your grandmother’s attorney, the smell of cumin and dried mint saturated the air inside of the fast food Nagyung waved from a corner booth, a piled-high styrofoam container of tahini covered chicken kabobs and rice already planted in front of her.
“You’re not gonna get anything to eat?” she asked with her mouth full, a dollop of yogurt sauce coated the side of her mouth.
“No. I’m not hungry. Maybe I’ll take something to go on the way out. I just needed to talk.”
“What is going on?” your throat felt parched.
“Actually, I need something to drink first. Hang on.” The room felt like it was swaying as you made your way to the refrigerator by the counter and returning from purchasing a bottle of water, you sat down and let out a deep breath. “I got some pretty crazy news today at the lawyer's office.”
“Okay…”
“So, obviously you know I went there because my grandmother passed away a month ago.”
“Yes.”
“I was just meeting with the attorney to go over her estate turns out she left me all of her jewelry and half of her summer house on Aquidneck Island.”
“What? The beautiful house in that picture on your desk?”
“Yeah. That’s the one. We’d always go there a lot in the summer when I was younger, but in recent years, she’d rented it out. The property had been in her family for generations. It’s older, but it’s beautiful and overlooks the water.”
“Y/n, that’s amazing. Why do you seem so upset?”
“Well…she left the other half to a guy named Jay Park.”
“Who is that?”
“He was just a boy I grew up with. My Ameryn took care of him while his parents worked. Jay’s house was on one side, mine was on the other, and Ameryn’s was in the middle.”
“So, he was kind of like a brother to you?”
“We were close for many years.”
“From the look on your face, I get the feeling that something changed?”
“You’d be right.”
“What happened?”
There was no way you could handle rehashing it all. Today had already been too much for you to absorb. You would give her a shorter version.
“Basically, I found out he was keeping something from me. And I freaked out. I’d rather not get into it. But let’s just say I was fifteen at the time and having a really hard time handling my hormones and my issues with my mother. I made a rash decision to move away and live with my dad.”
Swallowing the pain, you said, “I left everything behind in Providence and moved to New Hampshire.”
Thankfully, Nagyung didn’t pry as to what the secret was. That wasn’t the issue you needed to talk about today. It was more important for her to help you figure out your next step than for you to be opening old wounds.
“So, you basically ran away from it all rather than dealing with it.”
“Yeah. Ran away from my problems…and from Jay.”
“You haven’t spoken to him since?”
“After I left, there were several months where there was no contact. I felt so guilty about the way I handled things. I did eventually try to see him and apologize once I came to my senses, but by then it was too late. He didn’t want to see me or talk to me..”
“..I can’t say I blamed him. He’d moved on, got in with a different crowd and then eventually moved to New York soon after graduating high school. We just completely lost touch, but he stayed in contact with Ameryn apparently. She was like a second mom to him.”
“Do you know what’s become of him?”
“I haven’t looked him up. I’ve always been too scared to find out.”
“Well, we need to take care of that right now.” She put down her fork and dug inside her purse for her phone.
“Whoa? what are you doing?”
“You know I’m a self-proclaimed professional stalker.”
Nagyung smiled. “I’m looking him up on Insta. Jay Park, you said his name was? And he lives in NYC?”
Covering your eyes. “I can’t look. I won’t look. There are probably hundreds of guys named Jay Park out there anyway. You probably won’t find him.”
“What does he look like?”
“The last time I saw him, he was 16, so I’m sure he doesn’t look the same. He has messy hair, though.”
He was really cute. You can still see his face like it was yesterday. You could never forget it. Nagyung was reading aloud information for the different Jay popping up on Instagram. Nothing stood out until she said, “Jay Park, New York, musician at BAM Acoustic Guitar.”
Your heart dropped, and to your surprise, you could feel tears trying to fight their way through your eyelids. The emotions rising to the surface so fast were unsettling.
It was as if he’d come back from the dead. “What did you just say? Works where?”
“Just In Time Acoustic Guitar? Is that him?” The words wouldn’t come out, so you stayed silent, pondering the name it was the same one he’d always used even as a kid playing guitar on your street corner.
“That’s him,” you finally conceded.
“Oh my God, Y/n!”
Your heart started to pound faster. “What?”
“This guy is…”
“What? Tell me,” you practically yelled before downing the rest of your water.
“He’s gorgeous. Absolutely freaking gorgeous.” Covering your face, you said, “Please don’t tell me that.”
“Take a look.”
“I can’t.”
Before you could refuse again, Nagyung shoved the phone in front of your face. It shook in your hands as you took it. From what you could see in the one photo, he was beautiful just like you remembered, but at the same time, really different. Grown up.
He was wearing a gray beanie and had a fair amount of chin scruff that he was never able to grow when you knew him. In the profile pic, he was leaning into a guitar and looked like he was about to sing into a microphone. The look on his face was intense and gave you the chills. When you went to click on the other photos, it wouldn’t let you in because his profile was set to private.
Nagyung reached out for the phone. “He’s a musician?”
“I guess so,” you said, handing it back to her.
You muttered to yourself. ‘He used to write songs for me.’
“Are you going to contact him?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I guess I don’t even know what to say to him. Whatever is meant to happen will happen. I’ll end up having to talk to him eventually. I’m just not gonna be the one to make the first move.”
“How exactly is this housing arrangement going to work anyway?”
“Well, the attorney gave me a set of keys and told me that another set was sent to Jay. Both of our names will be on the deed. Ameryn also set aside some money to be used for house repairs and maintenance to the property during the off season. I’m assuming he’s been made aware of all of the same info.”
“You don’t want to sell the house, right?”
“No way. There are too many memories, and it meant so much to Ameryn. I’m going to use it this summer and then maybe eventually rent it out if he agrees to it.”
“So, you have no idea how he plans to use his half? You’re just going to show up there in a few weeks, and if he’s there, he’s there, and if he’s not, he’s not?”
“Pretty much.”
“Oh, this is going to be interesting.”
*****
At 24, you was single again and starting a new life in Newport for the summer. Your teaching job in Providence afforded you summers off. Your hope was to find a temporary job for the season, but for now, you just wanted to enjoy a few weeks of relaxation.
Returning from downtown Newport with your bag of crustaceans one night, you noticed that the front door to the house was wide open.
“Did I forget to lock it? Was it the wind?” your heartbeat accelerated when you entered the kitchen to find a tall, leggy chick with short, cropped platinum blonde hair. She looked was stocking the cabinets. You cleared your throat.
“Hello?” She turned around before covering her chest.
“Oh my god. You scared me.”
Walking over to you smiling, she held out her hand. “I’m Yunjin”
With fine features, high cheekbones and that pixie cut, Yunjin could have been a model. You was the complete opposite from her physically with your long and dark hair, and curvy figure.
“I’m Y/n. Who are you?”
“I’m Jay's girlfriend.”
“Oh…I see. Where is he?”
“He just went to the market and the liquor store.”
“How long have you been here?”
“We just arrived about an hour ago.”
“How long are you staying?”
“Not sure really. We’re just gonna see where the summer takes us. Neither of us were expecting this development..you know, the house.”
“Yeah, I know.” You looked down at the French-manicured toes peeking out of her heels.
“Do you work?”
“I’m an actress, actually on Broadway. Off Broadway for now. I’m in between jobs, but I’ll probably be going back and forth to New York for auditions. What do you do?”
“I’m a middle school teacher. So, I get the summers off.”
“Oh, that’s really cool.”
“Yeah. It’s fun.”
“Where does Jay work?”
“He works from home right now. He sells software. He can work from anywhere. He also performs. You know he’s a musician, right?”
“Actually, I don’t know much about him anymore.”
“What happened between you two anyway? If you don’t mind my asking.”
“He’s never told you anything about me?”
“Just that you grew up together and that you’re Mrs. A’s granddaughter. Honestly, he never mentioned you at all until we got that letter from the attorney.”
Even that was expected, it made you sad. “That’s no surprise.”
“Why do you say that?”
“It’s kind of a long story.”
“Did you guys ever date?”
“No. It was nothing like that. We were just good friends, but we drifted apart after I moved away.”
“I see. This whole thing is a little weird, right? I mean, inheriting a house like this out of nowhere?”
“Well, my grandma was very generous, and she loved Jay very much. My mom is her only child, and she loved Jay like a grandson, so—”
“Your grandma left the house to you and not your mom?”
“Mom and her had a bit of a falling out some years ago. Thankfully, they made amends before she died, but things were never really the same again.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thanks.”
Yunjin opened her arms to pull you into a casual hug. “Well, I really hope we can be friends. It will be nice to have a girl around to shop with, check out the island.”
“Yeah. That’d be nice.”
“I hope you’ll have dinner with us tonight?” You wasn’t ready to face him. You needed to make up a story and get out of here. “Actually, probably not tonight. I’d better be leaving.”
“That’s what you’re good at, isn’t it?” a deep voice you hardly recognized interrupted you from behind.
“What’s that?” you asked, swallowing nervously and refusing to turn around to look at him.
“Leaving,” he said louder. “That’s what you’re good at.”
Your breathing was ragged, but it was when you turned around that you nearly lost it. Jay was standing in front of you, and you swear it was like the boy you’d left behind had been swallowed up by a lean mass of muscle.
He just looked so different from what you remembered years ago. The anger on his face was transparent and somehow made him even more incredibly hot. It just would have been better if it weren’t directed toward you. His skin was a beautiful shade of bronze that complemented the natural golden streaks in his dark hair.
The smooth face you remembered was now rough. A rope and barb wire tattoo wrapped around his bicep. He was wearing camouflage cargo shorts with a tight white ribbed tank that hugged his chiseled chest. An indeterminate amount of time passed as you just took him in. Even though you was too stunned to say anything, your heart was screaming.
You knew deep down your reaction wasn’t just because of your physical attraction to him. It was because despite all of the changes, one thing had stayed exactly the same. His eyes. They reflected the same hurt that you remembered from the very last time you saw him. His name finally managed to roll off your tongue. “Jay…”
“Yes.” The deep, throaty sound of his voice vibrated through you.
“I wasn’t sure if you were ever going to show up.”
“Why wouldn’t I have?” he sneered.
“Well, I thought maybe you were avoiding me.”
“You’ve overestimated your significance to me. Of course, I was going to come. This is half my house.”
His words stung. “I didn’t say it wasn’t. It’s just, I hadn’t heard anything from you.”
“Interesting how that goes.”
Clearly uncomfortable with the sparring, Yunjin cleared her throat. “I was just asking Y/n if she wanted to have dinner with us tonight. Maybe you guys can catch up.”
“Apparently, she already has plans.” You turned to him.
“Why do you say that?”
“Oh, I don’t know, because you’re holding a bag that smells like dirty snatch?”
“It’s fresh seafood.”
“Doesn’t smell very fresh to me.”
“God. We haven’t seen each other in five years, and this is how you act?”
You turned to Yunjin. “Is he always this rude?” Before she could answer, he cracked, “I guess you bring it out in me.”
“You think Ameryn would be happy right now with your attitude? Something tells me she didn’t leave us this house so that we could fight with each other.”
“She left us both this house because we each meant something to her that doesn’t mean we have to mean anything to each other. Anyway, if you cared so much about what she thought maybe you shouldn’t have run away.”
“That’s a low blow.”
“The truth hurts, I guess.”
“I tried to contact you, Jay. I–”
“I’m not talking about this now, Y/n.” He said, speaking through gritted teeth. “It’s old news.”
It was unnerving to hear him to calling the name like that. Aside from the very first day you’d met, he’d always called you Patch or Patchy. Hearing your name come out of his mouth felt like a slap in the face for some reason, like he was trying to emphasize how much you’d grown apart.
Jay went from hot to cold as he shut down, heading back outside to retrieve the groceries from his car but not before slamming the door behind him. You shuddered, looking over at Yunjin whose eyeballs were moving back and forth from side to side in confusion. “Well, that was a nice start,” you joked.
“I don’t know what to say. I’ve never seen him act like that toward anyone to be honest. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. Believe it or not, I probably deserve it.”
The only thing worse than the rude reception he’d given you was his blatantly ignoring you during dinner and for the rest of that night. That hurt more than anything he could have ever said to you. You thought the evening was horrible, lack of sleep assured that the next morning was even worse. Apparently, Jay found a way to take out his anger by taking it out on Yunjin.
Let’s just say playing guitar wasn’t the only talent he’d fully developed over time. Yunjin's moaning in the middle of the night as Jay pounded into her woke you up in the middle of the night. The walls literally shook, it was impossible to go back to sleep after that.
You tossed and turned your thoughts alternating between rehashing Jay's words to you from earlier to imagining what that scene in the other room actually looked like.
You used the opportunity to admire his stature and the flawless skin of his defined, shirtless back. Black gym pants hugged his beautifully round a**. You never realized how incredible his a** was. Your physical attraction to him really irked me under the circumstances, but that didn’t stop you from checking him out.
Squinting, you unsuccessfully tried to figure out what it was. He startled you when he suddenly turned around and met you with an incendiary stare. “Do you always ogle people when you think they can’t see you?”
You swallowed the lump in your throat. “How did you know I was standing here?”
“I could see your reflection in the window, genius.”
“You didn’t even flinch. I didn’t think you noticed me.”
“Clearly.”
“Are you trying to make me hate you or something? Because you’re doing a pretty damn good job.”
Jay didn’t answer your question. Instead, he just turned back around toward the window.
“Why do you do that?” you asked.
“Do what?”
“Say things to piss me off then shut down?”
He continued to speak to the window, “Would you rather I just continue to piss you off? I’m trying to get my anger in check with you, Y/n. You should be happy I know when to stop unlike some people.”
“Will you at least look at me when you’re talking to me?”
He turned around and walked toward me slowly then leaned his face in. You could feel his words on my lips when he asked, “Is this better? You’d rather me in your face like this?” you could practically taste his breath.
Your entire body felt weak from the close contact, so you backed away. “I didn’t think so,” he snarled. You walked over to the refrigerator and opened it, pretending to look for something. It annoyed you that your peaceful mornings were a thing of the past.
“You always get up this early?” you asked.
“I’m a morning person.”
“I can see that so bright and cheery,” you said, sarcastically.
“Some of us need sleep, though.”
“I slept just fine last night.”
“Oh, I know after you traumatized me. You must have passed out after all that screwing could you two have been any louder last night?”
“Well, excuse me. If I can’t f*ck in my own house where do you expect me to do it?”
“I didn’t say you couldn’t do it. Just be more respectful.”
“Define respect.”
“Doing it quietly.”
“Sorry. I don’t f*ck quietly.”
As much as you hated that answer, you somehow felt that those words would be repeating in your head later tonight.
“Forget it. Clearly, you don’t know the meaning of respect.”
“Respect you? Why? Because you’re not getting laid? Why don’t you hook up with some salty dude down at the dock? Maybe then you won’t care so much about other people’s business.”
“Salty dude?”
“Yeah. You know, the guys that live on the boats the ones who sell you that nasty fish you were eating last night.”
You just shook your head and rolled your eyes, refusing to dignify that comment with a response. He surprised you when he suddenly lifted the carafe. “Want some coffee?”
“Now you’re being nice?”
“No, I just figured you’re sticking around for some reason. It must be the coffee.”
“This is my kitchen.”
He winked. “Our kitchen.” Grabbing two mugs from the cabinet, he asked, “How do you take yours?”
“Cream and sugar.”
“I’ll take care of it while you go put on a bra.”
You looked down at your b**bs which were hanging freely beneath your white t-shirt not expecting to run into him this early, you hadn’t thought to put one on. Too embarrassed to acknowledge the fact that he’d noticed, you went back to your room and got dressed when you returned he was back at the window drinking his coffee.
“Is this better?” you asked, referring to your dress. He turned around and gave you a once over.
“Define better. If better means I can’t see your tits anymore…yes, it’s better. If better, means you look better, that’s debatable.”
“What’s wrong with this?”
“It looks like you sewed it yourself.”
“Actually, it’s from one of the shops on the island. It is handmade.”
“Out of a potato sack?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Maybe?”
He snickered. “Your coffee’s on the counter, raggedy ann.”
Your inclination was to try to come up with a comeback but then you realized that was probably what he wanted, you needed to kill him with kindness instead of showing your anger. “Thank you. That was nice of you to make it for me.”
You took a sip and immediately spit it out. “What did you put in this? It’s so strong!”
Instead of answering you, he just started to crack up. His laughter resonated through the kitchen and as much as you hated that it was at your expense, it was the first time he’d laughed. It took you back in time for a moment and served as the only real reminder that the smoking hot a**hole in front of you used to be your bestfriend.
“You don’t like it?”
“It’s a bit strong. What is it?”
“It’s coffee fusion, actually.”
“What does that even mean?”
Jay sauntered over to the cabinet and took out a can and a package. “It’s my own recipe. Cuban coffee mixed with this one.” He pointed to the black packaging that had a white skull and crossbones on it.
“What the hell is that?”
“It’s coffee. I order it online. Nothing else is caffeinated enough for me.”
“That’s why you wanted to serve it to me, wasn’t it? You knew I’d hate this concoction.”
He simply let out that raspy laugh of his again, except this time, he was laughing way harder than before. Yunjin entered the kitchen, wearing a long black t-shirt that must have been the one he wasn’t wearing.
“What’s so funny?” Jay's mischievous eyes peeked from behind his mug.
He snickered. “We were just having coffee.”
Yunjin shook her head. “You didn’t drink his mud, did you? I don’t know how he likes that stuff.” You reminded yourself of your plan to kill him with kindness. Taking another sip of the coffee, you nodded.
“Actually, at first taste, it was pretty strong, but I actually think I really like it.” It was disgusting.
“You’d better be careful. That sh*t is potent. Jay is immune to it, but the one and only time I drank it, it kept me up for like four days.”
Jay laughing. “Apparently, we kept Y/n up last night.”
Yunjin turned to you. “Oh, sh*t. I’m sorry.”
Shrugging, you said, “It’s no big deal. I got used to it after a while.”
“Was that when you decided you wished you could join in?” he cracked.
You wasn't going to respond to that. The more you looked over at his smug expression, the more determined yoi became to finish the entire damn mug of coffee to spite him. “I’m really surprised at how much I’m actually liking this,” lied.
Yunjin chose to ignore Jay's earlier comment. “What do you say after breakfast we head to town, Y/n? I’d love it if you could show me around the island.”
“Alright. That would be nice.”
She walked over to him and wrapped her arm around his waist. “You want to come with us, babe?”
Jay said before finishing off the last of his coffee and putting the cup in the sink. “No. I have sh*t to do,”
“Okay. Just the girls then.”
The coffee had turned you into a spaz. As Yunjin and you walked around Newport that morning, she kept having to tell you to slow down. Apparently, in her heels, she couldn’t keep up with you. At one point later in the afternoon, you stopped to rest your legs. Yunjin and you sat on a wooden bench overlooking the dozens of docked sailboats as the sun shined over the water.
“So, how did you and Jay meet?” you asked.
“I was in the audience at this club called Showbox in Seattle, Jay was performing there that night. He was eyeing me the whole time he was singing and after the show, he came to find me. When he said he was thinking of me while he was singing the last song, I nearly died. We’ve been inseparable since.”
Your face felt hot. You wasn’t willing to admit to yourself that it was jealousy. The thought of them connecting so intimately while he was in the middle of performing made you uncomfortable for some reason. Maybe because it reminded you of the songs he used to write for you. You’d think nothing would bother you after having to endure their f*cking last night.
“What kind of music does he play now?”
“Well, he does some covers of artists like Drake, but he also writes a lot of original stuff. He mostly plays clubs, but his manager has been trying to get him a music deal. Of course, the girls all go crazy over him. That part has taken some getting used to for me.”
“I’m sure it’s hard.”
“Yeah. Big time.” She tilted her head. “What about you? No boyfriend?”
“I just got out of a relationship.” You confide in her as if she were just a normal friend to you.
On the way home, you passed Yeonjun’s on the Beach, a restaurant that was known for live music at night and really good food. A sign out front read, Temporary Summer Help Wanted. Since there was a university just over the bridge, a lot of the students went home in the summer, leaving some of the local restaurants in need of temporary wait staff. You stopped short in front of the entrance.
“Do you mind if I go in and inquire about this?”
“Sure. I’d actually like to check it out, too.”
Both Yunjin and you had waitressing experience so you sat down and filled out applications, by the time you walked out of there, we each had a job. The manager basically told you could work any night you wanted. The extra money and flexibility was impossible to pass up, Yunjin was particularly happy that he’d told her it was no problem if she had to suddenly cancel a shift in the event she got called back to Manhattan for an audition. You were each going to start tomorrow.
That night, Yunjin thought you should celebrate new jobs over dinner and drinks on the upper deck back at the house. It hadn’t dawned on you how peaceful being away from Jay all day had been. When you walked in the door, butterflies started to swarm in your stomach again as soon as you smelled his cologne.
Jay was standing in the kitchen drinking a beer when Yunjin ran over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Jay was tall over six feet but Serim wasn’t that much shorter than him. Next to both of them, you was basically a midget. He cleaned up nice, Jay had changed out of his camouflage shorts from earlier into dark jeans and a gray shirt with black stripes that hugged his chest. He’d done something to his hair that you couldn’t pinpoint. She ran her fingers through his hair then kissed him.
“I missed you. Guess what? We both got jobs at this restaurant on the beach.”
“Did you tell them you could get called back to New York anytime?”
“The guy said it didn’t matter. He said I could basically just work whenever I want.”
“Really. That sounds a bit shady to me. But whatever. You sure he doesn’t just want in your pants, Serim?”
“He said the same thing to me,” you interrupted.
“Well, then it can’t be that.”
It took you a bit to realize that he’d just insulted you. Yunjin intercepted before you could muster up a comeback.
“It’s mild out. How about we all have dinner on the upstairs deck tonight. We could barbecue that steak I have marinating in the fridge.”
You didn’t have the heart to tell her you don’t like red meat, so you just kept quiet. He would probably think you was looking for an excuse not to have dinner with them. Kill him with kindness. “I’m not that great of a cook, but I can make a big salad.”
Jay smacked the counter. “Great. I’ll start the grill while Y/n tosses her big salad.” He started to walk outside when you yelled after him.
“You know what Ameryn would say to you right now? She’d tell you to go wash your dirty mouth out with soap.”
He turned around and lifted his brow. “Soap wouldn’t cut it.”
After chopping up lettuce, carrots, red onion, tomatoes and cucumbers, you dressed the salad with homemade honey mustard vinaigrette. You carried it upstairs where Jay and her were already sitting down at the table. She had poured three glasses of merlot, and Jay was sipping one as he looked over at the waves, which were rough tonight.
Once you started eating, Jay wouldn’t look at you or make conversation. You filled your plate with salad and bread, and it took a while before anyone noticed that you wasn’t eating anything else. Yunjin’s mouth was full when she said, “You didn’t even touch the steak.”
“I don’t really like to eat meat.”
Jay chuckled. “Is that why you can’t find a man?”
You dropped your fork. “You’re a prick seriously I don’t recognize you anymore, how were we ever best friends?”
“I used to ask myself that all the time before I stopped giving a sh*t.”
You got up from the table and went downstairs. Leaning against the kitchen counter, Yunjin in and out slowly to calm yourself down, she came up quietly behind you.
“I really don’t get what’s going on between you two or why he refuses to talk about it.”
“Are you sure you guys never dated?”
“I told you, Yunjin. It wasn’t anything like that.”
“Will you tell me what happened?”
“I think he should be the one to explain it to you. Honestly, I don’t know. Anything that happened before that is irrelevant now. He’s pissed because of how I handled something or just running away, that's how i survive. Let’s just go back upstairs and try to have a nice dinner.”
Back on the upper deck, Jay was stone-faced, pouring more wine into his glass. A part of you wanted to slap him across the face, but another part felt guilty that you had caused so much anger in him. He said he didn’t care, but you refused to believe he would be acting up like this if he didn’t.
You touched his arm. “Will you just talk to me?”
He whipped his arm away. “I’m over it. I’m not talking about anything.”
“Will you do it for Ameryn?”
His head flipped up, and his eyes darkened. “Stop f*cking bringing her into this. Your grandma was a wonderful woman. She was the mother I never had. She never turned her back on me like pretty much everyone else in my life. This house is a representation of your mom, which is why I’m here.”
“I’m not here because of you. You want me to talk, but what you don’t seem to understand is that I don’t have anything to say about anything that happened almost a decade ago. I’ve erased it all. It’s too late, Y/n. I don’t care if you and Yunjin become friends, alright? But don’t bother trying to get through to me because we’re not gonna be friends,”
“..you put me in a sh*t mood, and I don’t want to spend this whole summer in a sh*t mood. We’re roommates. Nothing more. Stop pretending there is something more to it. Stop pretending to like the goddamn coffee. Stop pretending everything is just great. Cut the sh*t and see things for what they are. We don’t mean anything to each other.”
He got up and took his plate. “I’m done, Yunjin. I’ll see you in the room.”
Yunjin and you sat in silence, listening to nothing but the sound of the waves crashing beneath you. “I’m so sorry, Y/n.”
“Please. Don’t, okay? He’s right. Sometimes, you can’t fix things.” Despite the complacent words that had come out of your mouth, a tear fell down your cheek.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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pairing: musician!jay x reader (f) ft. yunjin lsrfm ; suga bts, mingyu svt, yeonjun txt
genre: coming-of-age, new adult, personal growth, sexual tension, fams dynamic, lovehate
wordcount: 17k
warning: nsfw pov, explicit acts, voyeurism . if you are not comfortable please just dni I put div for the cue. no disguised words.
a/n: really confused about how to be intense ㅠㅠ not me check out jay's hot edits to get the mood-
Things hadn’t gotten any better between Jay and you. The house had four bedrooms. Since you’d turned one of them into an exercise room. Jay used the other one as an office during the day. His muffled voice could often be heard from behind the door as he made work calls. Apparently, the company he worked for sold business solutions software.
Yunjin and you were working almost every night at Yeonjun’s as well as the occasional afternoon. One day in particular, you were on break when we overheard the restaurant owner, Suga, complaining that the band who performed most nights had suddenly quit.
Mingyu’s was probably the most popular spot on the entire island for live music. That’s what it was known for even more than the food. So, this didn’t bode well for business. Her voice was low. “I wonder if Jay would be interested in playing here.”
You’d been feeling kind of sick this afternoon, but the mere mention of his name made your stomach feel even more unsettled. “You think he would want to perform in a place like this?”
“Yeah. he’s used to bigger venues, but it’s not like he’s doing anything else. He took the summer off, but I get the feeling he actually regrets it. He’s been in a horrible mood since we got here. I think he’s itching to play again. It might do him some good to get back in the game for a bit on a smaller scale. It’s not like there would be any pressure. No one knows him out here.”
The thought of getting to see Jay perform gave you goosebumps. On one hand, it would be amazing. On the other, you knew it would be painful for you to have to endure him here at night. His actually agreeing to it probably wouldn’t pan out, so you vowed not to obsess over it unless it became a reality.
“I’m gonna talk to Suga,” Yunjin said.
“Do you think you and Jay will get married?” Not sure why asking that question. You’d been curious as to how serious they were, and it just came out.
Yunjin hesitated. “I don’t know. I really love him. I hope so if we can work out our differences.”
“Differences? Like what?”
She took a sip of her water then frowned. “Well, Jay doesn’t want kids.”
“What? He told you that?”
“He says he feels it’s irresponsible to bring children into the world unless he can be 100% sure of capabilities as a parent. He says he doesn’t feel that his own parents should have ever had children, and he just doesn’t think it’s for him.”
“Really?”
“Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want kids anytime soon. My career comes first right now, but someday I would like to have them. So, if he definitely doesn’t want kids, then that could be a problem.”
“He’ll probably change his mind as he gets older. He’s still so young.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. It’s really bad. He won’t even have sex with me without a condom, even though I’m on the pill. He refuses to take even the slightest chance because he’s so fearful. He’s super paranoid.”
Trying to block out the images of them having sex, you simply said, “Wow.”
It made you really sad that Jay felt that way because of his parents. They were constantly working and never paid enough attention to him when he were kids. His mother was always away on business trips.
That was part of why Ameryn was so important to him. Truthfully, your mother shouldn’t have had a child either. But her poor parenting didn’t stop you from wanting to have a child of your own someday.
Yunjin took a closer look at your face. “Are you feeling alright?”
Thinking about the stress of your reunion with Jay was finally catching up with you. Your nerves were shot, and it was all making you sick.
“Actually, I’ve been feeling ill all day. My stomach is upset, and I have a headache.”
“Why don’t you go home early? I’ll cover your shift and let Sakura know what’s up.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course.”
“I’ll owe you then.”
“Believe me, there will come a time that I get called back to NYC, and you’ll make due on that.”
“Okay,” you said, getting up and unfastening the black smock tied around your back.
The entire walk home, despite your vowing not to think about it, your thoughts once again turned to Jay and the fact that Yunjin was going to try to get him the gig at Yeonjun’s. It had been years since you’d heard his singing voice. You wondered what it sounded like now that it was deeper and with years of practice.
Jay’s car was parked outside of the house. He was expecting Yunjin and you to both be at work. You had to pass through the kitchen to get upstairs to your room and hoped you didn’t have to run into him without Yunjin here as a buffer.
Relief washed over you as you entered the empty kitchen. You grabbed a water bottle and some Advil for your headache and tiptoed up the stairs so that Jay didn’t notice you home.
The sound of heavy breathing coming from his bedroom stopped you in your tracks at the top of the stairwell. you could hear sheets rustling. Your heart beat faster. He didn’t think anyone would be home. “He must have a girl in there. How could he do that to her?”
You had to pass his room to get to yours anyway. Ameryn had the hallway carpeted. Covering your chest with your hand, you crept slowly toward his door which was cracked open. You closed your eyes briefly to prepare yourself for what you might witness when you peeked inside.
Nothing could have prepared you for the reality behind that door. There was no girl. Jay’s eyes were tightly shut as he lay back on the bed, alone. His jeans were undone, halfway down his legs. His left hand was firmly wrapped around his enormous cock as he pressed down on his balls with his other hand. “Holy mother of…” you speak inwardly.
Swallowing the saliva building in your mouth, you watched the movement of his hand as he stroked himself hard in a twisting motion. He’d gotten himself so aroused that you could hear the slick sound of the wetness as he pumped into his palm.
You knew that watching him was absolutely wrong. In fact, this was probably the lowest thing you’d ever done. But there was absolutely no way you could look away, if this were going to be the reason you went to hell, then so be it. You’d never witnessed something so intense, never imagined that he could be deriving so much pleasure alone.
Jay’s mouth was agape, the tip of his tongue slowly sliding back and forth across his bottom lip as if it were seeking out the taste of something or someone. Your own body was shaking, your clit throbbing. The ache to be with him, to join him was immense.
So enraptured in every move he made, you was no longer thinking about whether you watching him was right or wrong. He was fisting the sheets with one hand now while fcking his palm faster. With every movement, your muscles clenched tighter. You was wet, bewildered at your mind’s complete surrender to your body.
The low and deep groans of pleasure that came out of his mouth were making it that much worse. You knew wholeheartedly that this watching him pleasure himself was the single biggest turn on you had ever experienced.
Getting off was normally such work for you. You needed a vibrator and porn and even then, sometimes it was impossible to relax enough to really make yourself come. Right now, you had to cross your legs to control the need building between them as he licked over his bottom lip again your own tongue tingled as you imagined what his wet mouth would feel like against your own lips, he pumped into his hand imagined that it was you wrapped around his cock.
You had never wanted anyone as badly as you wanted him in that moment. His hair was matted and messy as the back of his head pressed against the headboard. The clank of his belt buckle became more pronounced as he thrust his hips, his fist working harder to keep up. The intensity of his self-pleasure left you in total awe. His breathing became even more ragged as his eyes rolled back.
You swallowed hard and watched, mesmerized as streams of cum shot out from his large crown like a fountain. The grunts of pleasure escaping him as he orgasmed were just about the sexiest sounds you’d ever heard come out of a man’s mouth. Your heart felt like it was pounding out of your chest.
Watching this whole thing unfold had making you totally lose sense of reality. You feel like you’d been experiencing every movement, every feeling right along with him, except you wasn’t allowed to come. It was as if you’d seriously lost your mind in the process.
That was the only thing that could possibly explain why your body decided to betray you, letting out an involuntary sigh, a moan. You wasn’t sure and couldn’t even tell you what it was except to say whatever sound you made caused Jay to jump back.
---------------
His head whipped toward you, and his shocked eyes meet yours for a brief second before you ran back down the stairs. You heart felt like it was in your mouth. Escaping out the front door and down to the water, you continued to run aimlessly on the sand. About a mile down the beach, it became necessary to stop and catch your breath, even though you wanted to keep running.
You’d gotten so wrapped up in Jay that you’d forgotten how sick you was this afternoon. It was all hitting you again as you stumbled over to the shoreline and vomited into the ocean.
You collapsed into the sand and must have sat there for over an hour. The sun was starting to go down, and the tide was coming in. It felt like everything was closing in on you. You knew you couldn’t avoid going home forever.
“What if he told Yunjin what I’d done? That I was watching him.”
What excuse could possibly give him that would explain why hiding behind his door, watching him ejaculate like it was a Fourth of July fireworks performance?
You decided that you needed to get home before Yunjin did. Maybe you could convince him not to say anything. Brushing the sand off your thighs, you made your way back over to the house. Your heart nearly stopped upon finding Jay standing in the kitchen, drinking out of a glass of lychee juice.
You stood silently behind him and watched as he put the container back. Jay turned around and finally noticed you standing there. His hair was wet. He must have taken a shower to wash away the awkwardness of your encounter.
Looking painfully handsome in a brown t-shirt that fit his chest like a glove, he just stared you down. You braced yourself for his humiliating words. Your heart was beating out of your chest as he just continued to look at you blankly without saying anything. He slowly walked toward you, and all of the muscles in your body tightened. He was going to get in your face and do it.
Jay stood inches away from you. He smelled so effing good, like soap and cologne. You can feel the heat of his body, and you knees started to feel weak. He stared deeply into your eyes. It wasn’t necessarily an angry glare, but it wasn’t a happy or amused look either. After several seconds of silence, he took a deep breath in and said, “You smell like vomit.”
Just as you opened your mouth to respond, he turned around and walked away back toward the stairs before disappearing. “Is that all? I smelled like vomit?”
Wondering he was going to let the whole thing go or was he just saving it for later when Yunjin came home.
Business at Yeonjun’s had really suffered since losing The Ruckus their headlining band. Suga had managed to fill the spot each night with mediocre local talent, but people were noticing the difference. The place would empty out much earlier than normal, and you weren’t getting as many customers in general.
You knew that Yunjin had spoken to Jay about taking on a few nights, but last you’d heard, he wasn’t interested. So, you could imagine your surprise when he turned up at Yeonjun’s one early Friday evening with his guitar strap wrapped around him.
At first, you didn’t realize it was him until he looked over at you. Butterflies swarmed in your stomach the moment you noticed him standing near the door, looking like he didn’t know where to go. Since it was unseasonably cool out, he was wearing a navy hoodie and a beanie. It always seemed to bring out his eyes.
Given how he’d treated you, your physical attraction to him never ceased to amaze you. Jay’s exterior, which was so different from what you remembered, helped distract from what you knew was inside. The truth was, as much as you wanted him physically, it still didn’t compare to the longing that remained for your old friend.
He never mentioned the jerk-off encounter to Yunjin, nor did he torture you about it. You didn’t know why he decided to give you a pass on that, but it was eternally grateful. Yunjin had gotten called out of town for an audition this morning. You’d assumed that he was going to go back with her.
You stopped wiping the table you’d been cleaning and walked over to him. “What are you doing here?”
He lifted his guitar from around his neck. “What does it look like I’m doing?”
“I thought you went to NY with Yunjin.”
“She’s not going to be gone very long. And I already committed to this gig.” He’d said it almost scornfully.
“I thought you were against playing here. I overheard you telling her that you’d rather perform at a prison than a lowly beach hut.”
“Yeah. Well, I guess she showed your boss some footage of me, and he made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.”
“How long will you be playing here?”
“I don’t know. A few weeks. Until we leave.”
“You’re not staying the whole summer?”
“No. That was never the plan.”
Disappointment set in. You should have been happy that he was leaving soon, but hearing that news had the opposite effect on you. “Wow. Okay. Well, do you need me to show you around?”
“I’m good,” he said before walking away from you, heading toward the back of the restaurant. Jay disappeared for at least an hour. He was scheduled to perform at 8, so he had about 10 minutes to go before show time.
Your curiosity got the best of you as you went in search of him. The door to one of the back rooms was cracked open, and you could see him downing a bottle of beer and looking stressed. You wondered if he ever got nervous before a show.
Even he considered performing here a joke, he was still going to be putting himself out there.
His eyes darted to the side, and he noticed you standing there. Just stared at each other. It was ironic, but the only times you could ever feel the remnants of your old connection were in fleeting moments of silent eye contact. Sometimes moments of silence spoke the loudest.
You left him alone again, making your way back down the hall and into the restaurant to tend to the customers you’d been ignoring.
Without Yunjin working tonight, you were short-staffed, and you was having a hard time keeping up with the orders. Yeonjun’s had indoor and outdoor seating. Normally, you would only be working one section, but tonight you was going back and forth between the two.
It was nice out, so you knew they would have Jay performing outside. You kept glancing over to the stage to see if he was there. It's 8:05 pm, and he hadn’t made an appearance yet.
You was in the middle of serving a large party of ten when you first heard it the chilling sound of a soulful voice that was not familiar in the least. He gave no introduction, just started to sing out the first few words followed by the strum of his guitar. The song that Jay had chosen to start with was a cover of Drunk Text by Henry Moodie.
The entire room soon quieted down, and all eyes were on the stunning blond male specimen with the spotlight shining down on him. Despite the fact that you was carrying a large round tray of dirty dishes, you couldn’t move. Aside from the lone teardrop that fell the night he lost it on you during steak dinner, you hadn’t shed any more tears until now.
It was all too much. Hearing how different his voice sounded, how he’d trained it over the years, was a wake-up call as to how much you had missed. All of the hours of practice that must have gone into honing that beautiful voice, and you wasn’t there for any of it. The guilt, the emotions, the reality of a decade gone, everything started to pummel you at once.
He had to have true talent to perform solo acoustically. All eyes were on him and nothing else. There were no distractions to take away from a cracked voice or any other screw ups. Jay singing the song flawlessly. The vibration of his voice is like a deep massage to your entire being.
“I’m Jay. I’ll be here for the next few weeks. Thanks for coming out tonight.”
Applause and a few whistles rang out. Your focus on Jay had prevented you from tending to your customers. A few of them were waving you down, antsy for refills, so you took their orders and made your way over to the bar. He took a sip of beer then spoke through the mic again.
“This next song is an original I recently wrote myself. Hope you like it.” He strummed the guitar once and added, “It’s called, She Likes to Watch.”
Your body stilled upon hearing the title and it took a few seconds to register. “This song goes out to all the sneaky little voyeurs out there. You know who you are.”
The retaliation that you’d assumed he’d waived was in fact simply delayed and about to be dished out in all its glory. You refused to look over toward the stage. The bartender placed the drinks in front of you, and you forced your wobbly legs to move long enough to drop them off to their rightful owners before the song started.
When the song eventually ended, the crowd went wild. They apparently loved the idea behind it.
”Did he really just put things that just happened? Or just a coincidence?” When you finally garnered the courage to look over at him, he flashed a mischievous smile before moving right into the next song.
*****
At nine the next morning, you was still in bed when you heard the front door open. You could hear the muffled sounds of Yunjin and Jay’s voices as she joined him in couch. She must have left the city really early in the morning to come back here.
As much as you really liked Yunjin, something was unsettling about her return. There was always an underlying jealousy that you couldn’t help feeling.
Around noon, you threw on a terry cloth sundress before joining them in downstairs. The sun pouring into the kitchen was blinding. Jay smirked and lifted the carafe. “Coffee?”
You flashed an exaggerated smile. “You know what? Yes. I would love some.” Determined to continue your façade about loving Jay’s coffee, instead you becoming addicted to his coffee fusion.
He brushed it off. “It was fine. It’ll give me something to do to pass the time here.”
“What did you play?”
“I tried out a new song.”
You swallowed.
“The one you played for me the other night?” she asked.
“No. A different one.”
It dawned on you that Jay probably chose to perform She Likes To Watch last night in particular only because Yunjin wasn’t there. It still baffled you that he was keeping the whole incident to himself when he could have just told her and embarrassed the sh*t out of you. He smiled at you. “Want a refill?”
You smiled bigger. “Don’t mind if I do. This stuff is really growing on me. Quite a surprise.”
“Well, I know you love surprises.” You rolled your eyes at him. Thankfully, Yunjin had no way of knowing what he was referring to.
At night, Jay practically become a local star in Newport overnight. The crowd at Yeojun’s was nearly double what it had been before he became the nightly entertainment. The newest patrons were primarily young women who had heard about the hot new headlining guitarist. Yunjin and you were just headed out the door to work when her cell phone rang.
“Sh*t. Hold up. It’s my agent,” she said.
You waited in the doorway for her to take the call. After a few seconds, her hands started trembling.
“You’re kidding. You’re kidding!” Jumping up and down, she covered her mouth.
“Oh my God! Yes, of course, I can.” Finally, she just let out a yelp of excitement.
“Thank you for letting me know! So, what’s next? Okay. I’ll call you tonight,” she said before hanging up.
“What’s going on?”
Yunjin let out a scream of joy and pulled you into a hug, her boney frame pressing against your ample chest.
“I got the part of understudy for a pretty big role on Broadway! It was one of the two auditions I had last week. I had thought it was a longshot. My agent wasn’t even going to send me initially!” When she let out another loud squeal, Jay came downstairs.
“What the hell is going on down here?” She ran toward him and threw herself into his arms.
“I got understudy!”
“Are you kidding? That’s awesome!”
Feeling awkward and like a third wheel, you cleared my throat and said, “Congratulations, Yunjin. I’m so happy for you.”
“When does this all go down?”
“They want me in NY in a couple of days.”
He looked frazzled. “Oh, Alright. I wish I hadn’t committed to that gig at Yeonjun’s. I would have just gone back with you.”
“It’s okay. It’s only a couple more weeks that you promised him, right? It’ll go by fast.”
genre: coming-of-age, new adult, personal growth, sexual tension, fams dynamic, lovehate
wordcount: 15k
nb: jay's cursing words actually he's hello kitty bfr
a/n: SO SORRY I CHANGE THE STYLE. using spacing in paragraphs - after looking at it.. wow it doesn't look good^^ and made my fingers explode
From the moment Yunjin left, Jay made even more of an effort to stay in his room during the day. Aside from your intentionality joining him in the kitchen when you knew he was having his coffee, there was no other interaction.
It went on like that for a few days until the one afternoon that everything changed. You’d just gotten home from an afternoon shift at Yeonjun’s when what sounded like wretched hurling coming from upstairs caught your attention. Without thinking it through, you running up the steps to find Jay keeled over with his face inside the toilet.
“Oh my God, are you throwing up?”
“Nah. I’m giving cunnilingus to the toilet.”
“Did you eat something bad?”
He shook his head before another volcano of puke erupted within him. Looking away, you shut your eyes until he was finished. “Can I get you any?”
“Just go.” He flushed the toilet.
There was something about a person being sick and helpless that made you see the child in them. Despite Jay’s trying to act tough, he seemed virtually helpless in that moment. “Are you sure?”
“Leave.” Another round of vomiting commenced, you reluctantly went back downstairs. You could hear him returning to his bedroom. You stayed downstairs for about an hour. Things were unusually quiet.
On a normal day, he’d be moving around in his room, so you knew he’d either fallen asleep or was lying down. Being the paranoid person that you was, you started to imagine that maybe he’d passed out from dehydration. He hadn’t come down to get a drink of water. Given all that he’d thrown up, that was dangerous.
You sucked it up and marched up the stairs. Lightly knocking on his door, you didn’t bother to wait for him to respond before entering. “Jay?”
He was lying on his side, his head against the pillow, and his eyes were open. He just stared at you blankly, but his eyes seemed glassy.
“Are you okay?”
“No.”
Without seeking permission, you approached and placed your hand on his forehead. It felt hot to the touch. “You’re burning up. We need to take your temperature.”
You run to the bathroom and fished through the medicine cabinet for a thermometer before returning to Jay. “Put this in your mouth.”
He chuckled. “That’s normally my line.”
Rolling your eyes, you demanded, “Just do it.”
You was slightly relieved that he was actually joking around. He didn’t fight you on taking his temperature. The thermometer beeped, and it showed that he had a significant fever. “It’s 39°. Were you supposed to play tonight?”
“Hmm..” he moaned.
“I’m calling Suga, telling him you can’t make it.”
“Don’t. I might see how I feel in an hour.”
“There is no way you are going to be able to perform like this.”
“I’ll call him in an hour,” he insisted.
Jay’s phone buzzed, and he reached over to check it before placing it back on the nightstand.
“Was that Yunjin?”
“Yeah.”
“Does she know you’re sick?”
“No.”
“Does she have rehearsals tonight?”
“No.”
“Is she coming?”
“No. Why did you keep bringing her up?!”
You didn’t have an answer. You just knew that if your boyfriend were this sick, you would want to be with him. Maybe he’d downplayed it. “What can I get you..?”
“Nothing. Privacy. That’s what you can get me.”
“I’m getting you something to drink. I don’t care what you say. You’ll get dehydrated.”
“Make it a stiff one if you’re gonna continue playing nurse.”
You went downstairs and returned with a bottle of water and a small towel. Handing him the bottle and two Tylenol, you said, “Here. Drink up.” He swallowed the pills and took a sip before eyeing the washcloth.
“What are you going to do with that thing?”
“It’s a wet cloth.” You placed it on his forehead. “It will bring down the fever.”
He moved your hand off of him. “I can take care of myself, Y/n.”
Ignoring his comment, you simply said, “I’ll call Suga. Get some sleep.”
After another bout of vomiting, Jay turned in for the night. Even though you’d left some extra waters with him, you worried that maybe he wasn’t drinking anything. So, you decided to check in on him one more time before you went to sleep. He was awake and sitting up on the bed and looked really pale.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like sh*t.”
“We should take your temperature again.”
This time when you pulled the thermometer out of his mouth, your heart nearly stopped. “What? It says 40,3° Jay! That’s dangerous. We need to get you to the emergency room.”
“I’m not going to the hospital.”
“This is not up for debate.”
“That’s a little extreme. Don’t you think?”
“I don’t care if it’s extreme. You need to get seen.”
“I’m not going.”
“Then I’ll stay here all night until you agree to go.”
“Emergency rooms skeeve me out.”
“Would you rather be dead?”
“Hmm. It’s a toss-up between that and being stuck in this room with you yelling in my ear.”
“That’s real nice.”
“Why are you involving yourself in this, Y/n?”
“I don’t care how you feel about me, alright? I care about you. I always have, and I always will, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
After a long pause, he closed his eyes, and let out a deep breath. “Alright. I’ll f***ing go.”
“Thank you.”
Jay was shivering during the dark ride to Newport Hospital. When you arrived, you lucked out that the emergency room was pretty quiet. They took Jay right into one of the small curtained-off treatment areas in the back. No one, including Jay protested you going back there with him.They hooked him up to an IV and gave him Motrin.
Over the course of an hour, they also ran a battery of blood tests. A new doctor who had just come on shift entered the room. “How are you feeling, Mr. Park?”
“Like cr*p.” You hushed him.
Jay squinted his eyes to get a closer look at the doctor’s hospital I.D. “Is your name seriously Dr. Dino? Is that extinct animal, dinosaur?” The doctor rolled his eyes.
“Do they know what’s going on with him, Doc?”
He held out his hand. “Call me Dino, please.
You took it. “Y/n.”
He smiled, sort of giving you a flirtatious vibe. “Well, we think it’s a combination of things going on here. An unidentifiable bacterial infection that caused a high fever and vomiting in addition to dehydration.”
He looked at Jay. “You’re very lucky your girlfriend brought you in. Fevers of that level can be quite dangerous in adults.”
Jay glanced over at you briefly before he turned to him again. “How long am I gonna be sick?”
“It’s probably going to last a few days, but we’d like to keep you overnight for observation because of the severity of your fever and to get some more fluids and vitamins into you.”
“I have to sleep here?”
“Yes. We’ll move you into a more comfortable room.”
Jay frowned. “Can I object?”
“I’m afraid not. I’m sure your girlfriend will keep you company.”
“Oh. I’m not his girlfriend, she was in NY.”
“Sister?”
“No. We’re just..” He hesitated. What were we?
“We were friends years ago. Now we live together in a house we both inherited.”
He looked utterly confused then asked. “You’re not dating each other then?”
“No,” Jay is quick to answer.
“No,” you repeated.
“Do you live locally, Y/n?”
“Yes. I live about 10 minutes down the road.”
“I’ve actually just moved here. Perhaps, you’d like to show me around the island sometime?”
He’d really caught you off guard. Dr. Dino was definitely attractive in a clean-cut semi-older way. With his dark hair and large brown eyes, he was handsome enough. You couldn’t say your body had anywhere near the reaction to him that it did for Jay. But maybe it would be good to accept his offer. “Sure. That would be nice.”
“Great.” He fished inside the pocket of his white jacket for his phone.
“Give me your number? I’ll program it here.” Jay looked miffed as you recited your digits.
“The nurse will be back in to check on him soon. I’ll call you.” He winked.“
Okay.” You smiled, offering a small wave.
After Dino left the room, Jay looked over at you from the bed and huffed. “What a f***ing loser.”
“Loser? Why? Because only a loser would be attracted to me?”
“What kind of a doctor picks up a patient’s friend like that on the job?”
“Oh, so now we’re friends?”
Ignoring your question, he said, “Seriously, that was lame. He’s a cheese ball.”
“I happen to like cheese balls, especially if they come in the form of good-looking doctors. Cheese balls are better than downright mean people.”
“Whatever.”
A nurse then came in to tell you that the other room was ready. She walked both of you into an elevator to the second floor where Jay was placed in an overnight suite. Still hooked up to the IV, he finally fell asleep. Soon after, you followed suit, conking out on the cot next to his bed.
About an hour later, it was sometime early in the morning. You woke up before he did and marveled at how even though he was so sick, he was still handsome as ever with his matted hair and especially with his overgrown stubble. Then, Jay unexpectedly opened his eyes.
When he saw you lying on the makeshift bed next to him, he looked surprised. “I thought you would have gone home.”
“No, I couldn’t leave you.”
“You really didn’t have to stay.”
“It was fine. I would have been worried.”
He didn’t respond, but the look on his face softened. The nurse walked in and checked his vitals and temperature. “Your fever is still high, 36°. But at least it’s responding to the medicine and going in the right direction. I’m going to check with the doctor on call about your being discharged.”
“Thank God,” Jay muttered.
When both arrived back to the beach house, Jay willed himself into his bed once again. The vomiting part of the illness seemed to have passed, even though the fever hadn’t. The nurse had said it was important for him to eat something and stay hydrated, so you boiled him some chicken broth and brought it upstairs.
He was sleeping, and didn’t want to wake him, so you opted to take it back downstairs until he woke up. He must have heard the mug. Moving against the saucer because as you was heading back out the door, his voice stopped you. “What are you doing?”
“I made you some broth. The nurse said you need to eat.”
Returning to his bedside, you handed it to him as he scooted up against the headboard and began to sip it. You turned around to head out the door again when you felt his hand grab your arm. “You don’t have to leave.”
“I’ll just come back for the mug.”
As you headed out the door, his voice stopped you again. “Patch.”
Your body froze. His calling you by the old nickname had totally stunned you. You never thought you’d hear it again. “Turn around,” he said.
When you did, his face reflected a sincerity that you hadn’t seen in years. He placed the mug and saucer on the table and said, “Thank you for everything. Thank you for taking care of me.”
So caught off guard and overcome with emotion, you simply nodded once and continued out the door, unable to stop thinking about his words for the rest of the night.
Jay’s fever had slowly broken in 3 days, but he still wasn’t feeling up to performing. You was watching television downstairs when he sat down on the couch next to you. He put his legs up on the ottoman and crossed his arms. It was the first time he’d ever chosen to hang out in the living room when you was lounging.
He’d just showered and smelled like aftershave. Your body immediately reacted to the closeness of his legs to mine even though you weren’t touching.
“What’s this cr*p you’re watching?”
“Some reality show. I can change it if you want.”
“No. I invaded your space.”
“I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”
“Me too.”
Throwing the controller at him, you said, “Seriously, take the remote.” He handed it back to you. “I owe you. You put up with my sh*t when I was sick and whiny. The least I can do is sit through listening to these whiny b*tches.”
“Well, if you really want to thank me for nursing you back to health, there is something else you can do.”
“Alright...” He lifted his brow curiously.“
You can talk to me.”
“Talk?”
“Yes.”
He let out a deep sigh. “I really don’t want to open up an old can of worms. We both know what happened. It’s not gonna change anything.” Not beyond begging, you looked into his eyes. “Please?” He suddenly got up. “Where are you going?”
“I need a drink for this,” he said, walking toward the kitchen.“Can you get me one, too?” you hollered after him. Your heartbeat began to accelerate in preparationHe returned with a bottle of beer for himself and a glass of white wine for you.
It surprised you that he knew exactly what you wanted, even though you hadn’t specified. It proved that he’d been observant even when pretending to ignore you. ‘Was this really happening? Was he going to talk about what happened or just listen to me ramble?’
“Don't you still feel feverish?”
He took a long sip then placed his beer on the coffee table. “We have to set some rules.”
“Alright.”
“Rule number one, if I say we’re done talking, we’re done talking.”
“Okay.”
“Rule number two, after tonight, we don’t talk about shit that happened in the past. This is it. One night only.”
“Okay. I can handle that.”
Grabbing the bottle again, he downed half of the beer before slamming it down on the table. “Alright. Go.”
You just needed to throw it all out there. “There is no excuse for my leaving the way I did. I was young and stupid and scared. My biggest fear had always been getting hurt by you because you were the one person I could count on besides Ameryn. When I found out you knew what was happening behind my back, I took it as betrayal. At the time, I didn’t realize that you were just trying to protect me.”
The hurt in his eyes was palpable. Jay leaned his head back against the couch as you struggled to find the words”
“It was wrong of me to take my anger out on you. My mother was basically an irresponsible child, a selfish person. She’d had so many different boyfriends, affairs with married men. It never really surprised me that she would stoop to that level with your father. At the time, though, I just felt betrayed by everyone, including you. But I was wrong to punish you in any way for their actions.”
He rubbed his eyes warily and turned to you. “What do you want to know, Y/n?”
“How did it start? How long did you know about them?”
He turned his body toward you and wrapped his arm around the back of the couch. “I’m pretty sure my father was the one who pursued her. He used to always ask me questions about Helen before they got together.”
“Really?”
“What I know now that I didn’t know then was that my parents had an open marriage. My mother went on way too many business trips, if you know what I mean. At the time, though, I hadn’t figured it all out yet. I came home from school unexpectedly early one day and found your mother there with him. I walked in on them having s*x.”
You shuddered. “Oh my..”
Jay grabbed his beer and took a long swig. “My father sat me down later that night and explained to me that he believed my mother had been having an affair too, and that he and Helen had just started seeing each other. Your mother made me swear not to tell you. She said you wouldn’t be able to handle it, that your relationship with her was already tarnished enough and that you were under a lot of stress that I didn’t know about. She somehow convinced me that telling you would ruin your life. She told me if I really cared about you, I wouldn’t tell you. I believed what she told me.”
“There was nothing I ever kept from you, Jay. There was nothing going on with me. She was manipulating you to keep her antics a secret from me.”
“I wanted to tell you, but the more time that passed, the harder it was to admit that I’d been keeping something from you for so long. So, I chose not to say anything. I was only trying to protect you.”
“Jay.. ”
“Let me finish,” he interrupted.
“Okay.”
“We both came from broken homes, but from the moment I met you, my world seemed a little less broken. I always felt like my job was to somehow protect you. And my keeping what they were doing from you was only an extension of that. It wasn’t meant to be deceptive.”
There was so much you was embarrassed to admit in regards to your feelings all those years ago, but you couldn’t hold anything back. He was giving you this one chance to explain yourself. Taking a long gulp of your wine, you prepared to lay it all out on the line.
“I ran away because I couldn’t handle my emotions. It was more than just keeping that secret from me. It was that it represented to me, that there would be other things in the future that you would keep from me, too.”
You paused. “I was developing strong feelings for you that went beyond our friendship, and I found myself unable to handle them. I didn’t know how to tell you. I was afraid to scare you away. It just felt like I was somehow destined to be hurt, so I chose to move away before that happened. It was my own way of controlling it. It was rash and foolish.”
That was the first time you had ever admitted to having feelings beyond friendship for him.
He just looked at you for a bit then said, “Why didn’t you tell me you felt like that, even before everything went down with our parents?”
“I didn’t think you felt the same way about me, and I didn’t want to freak you out. I didn’t want to lose you.”
“So, you ran away and lost me anyway. How did that make sense?”
“It somehow felt like if I left before the worst happened, it wouldn’t hurt as badly. The bottom line, though, is that I was a dumb, hormonal, 15 years old girl. It was the wrong decision. Running away to live with my father was a bad way of handling it. You never gave me the time of day to tell you how sorry I was once I came to my senses the following year. So, I need to say it now. I am so sorry if my leaving like that hurt you in any way.”
“Hurt me?” He let out a slight angry laugh then shocked you with what he said next. “It changed me. I loved you, Y/n. I was in love with you.”
You just sat in shock, his fingers through his hair in frustration. “How did you not know that?”
His words felt like they’d sliced through your heart, leaving you unable to respond. You never in a million years expected him to say that. You knew he cared about you, but you never knew he had loved you like you loved him.
He continued, “I would have died for you back then. When you left, it felt like my world ended. Besides your grandmother, you were the only one I could count on. You were always there until you weren’t anymore. Losing you taught me not to count on anyone but myself. It shaped who I was today, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.”
It hurt so badly to hear him say that. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize again, you already did.”
“If you don’t forgive me, then I do need to keep repeating it.”
He let out a long, deep breath. “Like I’ve said to you before, I’ve moved on from it.”
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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“ENHYPEN's Jay Releases Cover of Bon Jovi's ‘Always’… Showcases Guitar Skills”
• Notably, he even played the guitar solo himself, showcasing his versatility as an artist.
• Jay also actively participated in the video’s production. He not only created a chic atmosphere with an all-black outfit, including a leather jacket, but also put effort into camera acting and editing process to ensure the video reflected his unique style.
• Jay shared, “I was deeply moved by the earnest lyrics of ‘Always’, and since I’ve always loved Bon Jovi’s 1995 Wembley Stadium performance, I decided to cover this song. I hope it becomes a song that gives strength not only to ENGENEs but to many others as well.”
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
genre: coming-of-age, new adult, personal growth, sexual tension, fams dynamic, lovehate
wordcount: 15k
nb: jay's cursing words actually he's hello kitty bfr
a/n: SO SORRY I CHANGE THE STYLE. using spacing in paragraphs - after looking at it.. wow it doesn't look good^^ and made my fingers explode
From the moment Yunjin left, Jay made even more of an effort to stay in his room during the day. Aside from your intentionality joining him in the kitchen when you knew he was having his coffee, there was no other interaction.
It went on like that for a few days until the one afternoon that everything changed. You’d just gotten home from an afternoon shift at Yeonjun’s when what sounded like wretched hurling coming from upstairs caught your attention. Without thinking it through, you running up the steps to find Jay keeled over with his face inside the toilet.
“Oh my God, are you throwing up?”
“Nah. I’m giving cunnilingus to the toilet.”
“Did you eat something bad?”
He shook his head before another volcano of puke erupted within him. Looking away, you shut your eyes until he was finished. “Can I get you any?”
“Just go.” He flushed the toilet.
There was something about a person being sick and helpless that made you see the child in them. Despite Jay’s trying to act tough, he seemed virtually helpless in that moment. “Are you sure?”
“Leave.” Another round of vomiting commenced, you reluctantly went back downstairs. You could hear him returning to his bedroom. You stayed downstairs for about an hour. Things were unusually quiet.
On a normal day, he’d be moving around in his room, so you knew he’d either fallen asleep or was lying down. Being the paranoid person that you was, you started to imagine that maybe he’d passed out from dehydration. He hadn’t come down to get a drink of water. Given all that he’d thrown up, that was dangerous.
You sucked it up and marched up the stairs. Lightly knocking on his door, you didn’t bother to wait for him to respond before entering. “Jay?”
He was lying on his side, his head against the pillow, and his eyes were open. He just stared at you blankly, but his eyes seemed glassy.
“Are you okay?”
“No.”
Without seeking permission, you approached and placed your hand on his forehead. It felt hot to the touch. “You’re burning up. We need to take your temperature.”
You run to the bathroom and fished through the medicine cabinet for a thermometer before returning to Jay. “Put this in your mouth.”
He chuckled. “That’s normally my line.”
Rolling your eyes, you demanded, “Just do it.”
You was slightly relieved that he was actually joking around. He didn’t fight you on taking his temperature. The thermometer beeped, and it showed that he had a significant fever. “It’s 39°. Were you supposed to play tonight?”
“Hmm..” he moaned.
“I’m calling Suga, telling him you can’t make it.”
“Don’t. I might see how I feel in an hour.”
“There is no way you are going to be able to perform like this.”
“I’ll call him in an hour,” he insisted.
Jay’s phone buzzed, and he reached over to check it before placing it back on the nightstand.
“Was that Yunjin?”
“Yeah.”
“Does she know you’re sick?”
“No.”
“Does she have rehearsals tonight?”
“No.”
“Is she coming?”
“No. Why did you keep bringing her up?!”
You didn’t have an answer. You just knew that if your boyfriend were this sick, you would want to be with him. Maybe he’d downplayed it. “What can I get you..?”
“Nothing. Privacy. That’s what you can get me.”
“I’m getting you something to drink. I don’t care what you say. You’ll get dehydrated.”
“Make it a stiff one if you’re gonna continue playing nurse.”
You went downstairs and returned with a bottle of water and a small towel. Handing him the bottle and two Tylenol, you said, “Here. Drink up.” He swallowed the pills and took a sip before eyeing the washcloth.
“What are you going to do with that thing?”
“It’s a wet cloth.” You placed it on his forehead. “It will bring down the fever.”
He moved your hand off of him. “I can take care of myself, Y/n.”
Ignoring his comment, you simply said, “I’ll call Suga. Get some sleep.”
After another bout of vomiting, Jay turned in for the night. Even though you’d left some extra waters with him, you worried that maybe he wasn’t drinking anything. So, you decided to check in on him one more time before you went to sleep. He was awake and sitting up on the bed and looked really pale.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like sh!t.”
“We should take your temperature again.”
This time when you pulled the thermometer out of his mouth, your heart nearly stopped. “What? It says 40,3° Jay! That’s dangerous. We need to get you to the emergency room.”
“I’m not going to the hospital.”
“This is not up for debate.”
“That’s a little extreme. Don’t you think?”
“I don’t care if it’s extreme. You need to get seen.”
“I’m not going.”
“Then I’ll stay here all night until you agree to go.”
“Emergency rooms skeeve me out.”
“Would you rather be dead?”
“Hmm. It’s a toss-up between that and being stuck in this room with you yelling in my ear.”
“That’s real nice.”
“Why are you involving yourself in this, Y/n?”
“I don’t care how you feel about me, alright? I care about you. I always have, and I always will, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
After a long pause, he closed his eyes, and let out a deep breath. “Alright. I’ll f***ing go.”
“Thank you.”
Jay was shivering during the dark ride to Newport Hospital. When you arrived, you lucked out that the emergency room was pretty quiet. They took Jay right into one of the small curtained-off treatment areas in the back. No one, including Jay protested you going back there with him.They hooked him up to an IV and gave him Motrin.
Over the course of an hour, they also ran a battery of blood tests. A new doctor who had just come on shift entered the room. “How are you feeling, Mr. Park?”
“Like cr*p.” You hushed him.
Jay squinted his eyes to get a closer look at the doctor’s hospital I.D. “Is your name seriously Dr. Dino? Is that extinct animal, dinosaur?” The doctor rolled his eyes.
“Do they know what’s going on with him, Doc?”
He held out his hand. “Call me Dino, please.
You took it. “Y/n.”
He smiled, sort of giving you a flirtatious vibe. “Well, we think it’s a combination of things going on here. An unidentifiable bacterial infection that caused a high fever and vomiting in addition to dehydration.”
He looked at Jay. “You’re very lucky your girlfriend brought you in. Fevers of that level can be quite dangerous in adults.”
Jay glanced over at you briefly before he turned to him again. “How long am I gonna be sick?”
“It’s probably going to last a few days, but we’d like to keep you overnight for observation because of the severity of your fever and to get some more fluids and vitamins into you.”
“I have to sleep here?”
“Yes. We’ll move you into a more comfortable room.”
Jay frowned. “Can I object?”
“I’m afraid not. I’m sure your girlfriend will keep you company.”
“Oh. I’m not his girlfriend, she was in NY.”
“Sister?”
“No. We’re just..” He hesitated. What were we?
“We were friends years ago. Now we live together in a house we both inherited.”
He looked utterly confused then asked. “You’re not dating each other then?”
“No,” Jay is quick to answer.
“No,” you repeated.
“Do you live locally, Y/n?”
“Yes. I live about 10 minutes down the road.”
“I’ve actually just moved here. Perhaps, you’d like to show me around the island sometime?”
He’d really caught you off guard. Dr. Dino was definitely attractive in a clean-cut semi-older way. With his dark hair and large brown eyes, he was handsome enough. You couldn’t say your body had anywhere near the reaction to him that it did for Jay. But maybe it would be good to accept his offer. “Sure. That would be nice.”
“Great.” He fished inside the pocket of his white jacket for his phone.
“Give me your number? I’ll program it here.” Jay looked miffed as you recited your digits.
“The nurse will be back in to check on him soon. I’ll call you.” He winked.“
Okay.” You smiled, offering a small wave.
After Dino left the room, Jay looked over at you from the bed and huffed. “What a f***ing loser.”
“Loser? Why? Because only a loser would be attracted to me?”
“What kind of a doctor picks up a patient’s friend like that on the job?”
“Oh, so now we’re friends?”
Ignoring your question, he said, “Seriously, that was lame. He’s a cheese ball.”
“I happen to like cheese balls, especially if they come in the form of good-looking doctors. Cheese balls are better than downright mean people.”
“Whatever.”
A nurse then came in to tell you that the other room was ready. She walked both of you into an elevator to the second floor where Jay was placed in an overnight suite. Still hooked up to the IV, he finally fell asleep. Soon after, you followed suit, conking out on the cot next to his bed.
About an hour later, it was sometime early in the morning. You woke up before he did and marveled at how even though he was so sick, he was still handsome as ever with his matted hair and especially with his overgrown stubble. Then, Jay unexpectedly opened his eyes.
When he saw you lying on the makeshift bed next to him, he looked surprised. “I thought you would have gone home.”
“No, I couldn’t leave you.”
“You really didn’t have to stay.”
“It was fine. I would have been worried.”
He didn’t respond, but the look on his face softened. The nurse walked in and checked his vitals and temperature. “Your fever is still high, 36°. But at least it’s responding to the medicine and going in the right direction. I’m going to check with the doctor on call about your being discharged.”
“Thank God,” Jay muttered.
When both arrived back to the beach house, Jay willed himself into his bed once again. The vomiting part of the illness seemed to have passed, even though the fever hadn’t. The nurse had said it was important for him to eat something and stay hydrated, so you boiled him some chicken broth and brought it upstairs.
He was sleeping, and didn’t want to wake him, so you opted to take it back downstairs until he woke up. He must have heard the mug. Moving against the saucer because as you was heading back out the door, his voice stopped you. “What are you doing?”
“I made you some broth. The nurse said you need to eat.”
Returning to his bedside, you handed it to him as he scooted up against the headboard and began to sip it. You turned around to head out the door again when you felt his hand grab your arm. “You don’t have to leave.”
“I’ll just come back for the mug.”
As you headed out the door, his voice stopped you again. “Patch.”
Your body froze. His calling you by the old nickname had totally stunned you. You never thought you’d hear it again. “Turn around,” he said.
When you did, his face reflected a sincerity that you hadn’t seen in years. He placed the mug and saucer on the table and said, “Thank you for everything. Thank you for taking care of me.”
So caught off guard and overcome with emotion, you simply nodded once and continued out the door, unable to stop thinking about his words for the rest of the night.
Jay’s fever had slowly broken in 3 days, but he still wasn’t feeling up to performing. You was watching television downstairs when he sat down on the couch next to you. He put his legs up on the ottoman and crossed his arms. It was the first time he’d ever chosen to hang out in the living room when you was lounging.
He’d just showered and smelled like aftershave. Your body immediately reacted to the closeness of his legs to mine even though you weren’t touching.
“What’s this cr*p you’re watching?”
“Some reality show. I can change it if you want.”
“No. I invaded your space.”
“I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”
“Me too.”
Throwing the controller at him, you said, “Seriously, take the remote.” He handed it back to you. “I owe you. You put up with my sh*t when I was sick and whiny. The least I can do is sit through listening to these whiny b*tches.”
“Well, if you really want to thank me for nursing you back to health, there is something else you can do.”
“Alright...” He lifted his brow curiously.“
You can talk to me.”
“Talk?”
“Yes.”
He let out a deep sigh. “I really don’t want to open up an old can of worms. We both know what happened. It’s not gonna change anything.” Not beyond begging, you looked into his eyes. “Please?” He suddenly got up. “Where are you going?”
“I need a drink for this,” he said, walking toward the kitchen.“Can you get me one, too?” you hollered after him. Your heartbeat began to accelerate in preparationHe returned with a bottle of beer for himself and a glass of white wine for you.
It surprised you that he knew exactly what you wanted, even though you hadn’t specified. It proved that he’d been observant even when pretending to ignore you. ‘Was this really happening? Was he going to talk about what happened or just listen to me ramble?’
“Don't you still feel feverish?”
He took a long sip then placed his beer on the coffee table. “We have to set some rules.”
“Alright.”
“Rule number one, if I say we’re done talking, we’re done talking.”
“Okay.”
“Rule number two, after tonight, we don’t talk about shit that happened in the past. This is it. One night only.”
“Okay. I can handle that.”
Grabbing the bottle again, he downed half of the beer before slamming it down on the table. “Alright. Go.”
You just needed to throw it all out there. “There is no excuse for my leaving the way I did. I was young and stupid and scared. My biggest fear had always been getting hurt by you because you were the one person I could count on besides Ameryn. When I found out you knew what was happening behind my back, I took it as betrayal. At the time, I didn’t realize that you were just trying to protect me.”
The hurt in his eyes was palpable. Jay leaned his head back against the couch as you struggled to find the words”
“It was wrong of me to take my anger out on you. My mother was basically an irresponsible child, a selfish person. She’d had so many different boyfriends, affairs with married men. It never really surprised me that she would stoop to that level with your father. At the time, though, I just felt betrayed by everyone, including you. But I was wrong to punish you in any way for their actions.”
He rubbed his eyes warily and turned to you. “What do you want to know, Y/n?”
“How did it start? How long did you know about them?”
He turned his body toward you and wrapped his arm around the back of the couch. “I’m pretty sure my father was the one who pursued her. He used to always ask me questions about Helen before they got together.”
“Really?”
“What I know now that I didn’t know then was that my parents had an open marriage. My mother went on way too many business trips, if you know what I mean. At the time, though, I hadn’t figured it all out yet. I came home from school unexpectedly early one day and found your mother there with him. I walked in on them having s*x.”
You shuddered. “Oh my..”
Jay grabbed his beer and took a long swig. “My father sat me down later that night and explained to me that he believed my mother had been having an affair too, and that he and Helen had just started seeing each other. Your mother made me swear not to tell you. She said you wouldn’t be able to handle it, that your relationship with her was already tarnished enough and that you were under a lot of stress that I didn’t know about. She somehow convinced me that telling you would ruin your life. She told me if I really cared about you, I wouldn’t tell you. I believed what she told me.”
“There was nothing I ever kept from you, Jay. There was nothing going on with me. She was manipulating you to keep her antics a secret from me.”
“I wanted to tell you, but the more time that passed, the harder it was to admit that I’d been keeping something from you for so long. So, I chose not to say anything. I was only trying to protect you.”
“Jay.. ”
“Let me finish,” he interrupted.
“Okay.”
“We both came from broken homes, but from the moment I met you, my world seemed a little less broken. I always felt like my job was to somehow protect you. And my keeping what they were doing from you was only an extension of that. It wasn’t meant to be deceptive.”
There was so much you was embarrassed to admit in regards to your feelings all those years ago, but you couldn’t hold anything back. He was giving you this one chance to explain yourself. Taking a long gulp of your wine, you prepared to lay it all out on the line.
“I ran away because I couldn’t handle my emotions. It was more than just keeping that secret from me. It was that it represented to me, that there would be other things in the future that you would keep from me, too.”
You paused. “I was developing strong feelings for you that went beyond our friendship, and I found myself unable to handle them. I didn’t know how to tell you. I was afraid to scare you away. It just felt like I was somehow destined to be hurt, so I chose to move away before that happened. It was my own way of controlling it. It was rash and foolish.”
That was the first time you had ever admitted to having feelings beyond friendship for him.
He just looked at you for a bit then said, “Why didn’t you tell me you felt like that, even before everything went down with our parents?”
“I didn’t think you felt the same way about me, and I didn’t want to freak you out. I didn’t want to lose you.”
“So, you ran away and lost me anyway. How did that make sense?”
“It somehow felt like if I left before the worst happened, it wouldn’t hurt as badly. The bottom line, though, is that I was a dumb, hormonal, 15 years old girl. It was the wrong decision. Running away to live with my father was a bad way of handling it. You never gave me the time of day to tell you how sorry I was once I came to my senses the following year. So, I need to say it now. I am so sorry if my leaving like that hurt you in any way.”
“Hurt me?” He let out a slight angry laugh then shocked you with what he said next. “It changed me. I loved you, Y/n. I was in love with you.”
You just sat in shock, his fingers through his hair in frustration. “How did you not know that?”
His words felt like they’d sliced through your heart, leaving you unable to respond. You never in a million years expected him to say that. You knew he cared about you, but you never knew he had loved you like you loved him.
He continued, “I would have died for you back then. When you left, it felt like my world ended. Besides your grandmother, you were the only one I could count on. You were always there until you weren’t anymore. Losing you taught me not to count on anyone but myself. It shaped who I was today, and that’s not necessarily a good thing.”
It hurt so badly to hear him say that. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize again, you already did.”
“If you don’t forgive me, then I do need to keep repeating it.”
He let out a long, deep breath. “Like I’ve said to you before, I’ve moved on from it.”
