#jasontoddtextpost

Jason: Hey.

Bruce: Straw.

Jason:

Jason: Did you- Did you just make a dad joke?

Bruce: Yes.

Jason: ... Why?

Bruce: I thought that if I made a dad joke, you might consider letting me be your dad again.

Jason:

Bruce:

Jason: Okay so... I'm extremely uncomfortable right now and I'm just gonna... leave. *Begins backing away slowly*

Bruce: Bye, son.

Dick: Jay, I know it's not your fault that you have a... distaste for law enforcement, but you can't keep harassing me just because I joined the force.

Robin!Jason: I don't know what you're talking about, Dickie bird. I've been nothin' but respectful.

Dick, deadpan: You egged my apartment.

Robin!Jason: You have like zero proof that was me.

Dick: Jason, I was literally at my window, watching you, as you threw the eggs yelling, "F*ck the Police."

Robin!Jason: ... That's circumstantial evidence at best.

Dick:

Dick: Okay, then what about the times you've drawn giant penises on my squad car? Not once, not twice, but three times!

Robin!Jason: *shrugging* Alfred's been encouraging me to embrace my inner artist.

Dick, unimpressed: Yeah, for some reason I don't think that's what he meant.

[Breaking into Jason's safe house through the window]

Tim, hissing: Ow, Damian! Stop pushing me!

Damian, angrily whispering: Perhaps if you did not move similar to that of an elderly woman, I would not have to forcibly push you through the window, Drake!

Dick, also whispering: Both of you stop, you're going to make me drop Jason's Deathday cake.

Tim, groaning: Why didn't we just knock on his door?

Dick: Because he would have looked through the peep-hole, saw it was us, and then pretended not to be home. Now, will you please just crawl through the window!

Tim: I'm trying, Dick! It won't open all the way, and I keep getting stuck halfway through.

Damian: Move, Drake. *Starts to climb through the window*

Tim: Stop that, I'm almost-

[Window violently opens, causing Tim and Damian to fall through, landing at the feet of a distinctly irritated Jason Todd]

Dick: *climbing through the window* Oh hey, Jay! Surprise!

Jay: *raising an unimpressed eyebrow* Are you gonna explain why you, Tweedledee, and Tweedledum were breaking into my safehouse at 1 in the morning?

Dick: We're here to celebrate your Deathday with you!

Jason, deadpan: You wanted to celebrate my "Deathday"?

Dick: Yep!

Jason: "Deathday" as in the worst day of my life, where I was brutally beaten and then exploded to death by the Joker? That day, Dickie?

Dick, grimacing: Uh... Yes?

Jason:

Dick:

Jason: Give me one reason I shouldn't shoot all three of you right now.

Dick: We brought cake?

Jason:

Jason: What kind of cake?

Dick, smiling: Alfred's triple chocolate cake with buttercream frosting!

Tim, smirking: Also known as Jason Todd's favorite cake.

Damian: And I also procured several flasks of father's most expensive Scotch that he keeps hidden in his desk.

Dick: *doing a doubletake* What?! Damian, you are 12 years old, you should not be supplying the booze for a party.

Damian: Hush, Grayson. I am in the middle of negotiating our way into Todd's Deathday celebration. Based on his alcoholic tendencies, I have reason to believe this will be an effective bribe.

Damian: Do we have a deal, Todd?

Jason, smiling: Well damn, you drive a hard bargain, bat brat. But I guess we're having a Deathday party.

BatFam Favorite Songs and Playlists

Dick Grayson loves anything upbeat he can scream sing along to, but his one true music love will forever and always be 80s Pop music. Not only does it go with his ‘I just got dragged through an 80s costume wardrobe’ aesthetic, but 80s Pop songs are the best to scream sing along to. His 80s Pop Trinity is Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, and ABBA. Currently, his favorite songs are Y.M.C.A by Village People, -Jason: “Jesus Dick, how could Y.M.C.A be your favorite song?” Dick: “I like bending into all the letters!”- Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper, and Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) by ABBA. Dick also knows all the words to (and has choreography for) all the songs in Grease. He even once convinced Jason to song along as Danny in You’re the One That I Want. Dick’s Guilty Pleasure Song: Barbie Girl by Aqua.

Dick Grayson’s Playlist

 Jason likes music that makes Bruce extremely uncomfortable, like Rap (for its explicit language) and any song that can be used to reference his death. But when Bruce isn’t around, Jason prefers a wide range of rock, from rockabilly to classic rock to punk rock, Jason loves it all. His favorite rock artists respectively are Johnny Cash, Queen, and My Chemical Romance. Jason’s favorite songs are I Won’t Back Down by Johnny Cash, Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, and I Don’t Love You by MCR. When Bruce is around to annoy, Jason enjoys blasting Hood Go Crazy by 2 Chainz, -Bruce: “I don’t think this is an appropriate song to be playing in the Batcave, Jason.” Jason: “Well Bruce, I didn’t think that letting the Joker live after he killed me was “appropriate”, so agree to disagree.” Bruce: *feels migraine coming on*- and Arms Tonite by Mother Mother -*I died in your arms tonight. I slipped through into the afterlife. It was nice* Alfred: “Master Jason, don’t you think that’s a tad insensitive?” Jason: “Sorry Alfie, but Bruce is kinda insensitive”- Jason’s Guilty Pleasure Song is Pocketful of Rainbows by Elvis Presley, it was the song that Bruce used to sing to him after he’d had a nightmare to get him to go back to sleep. 

Jason Todd’s Playlist

Tim at this point only listens to DiscoTech/ElectroPop because it’s the only music with a beat strong enough to keep him awake. His favorite songs are Boss Bitch by Doja Cat, Play With It by Tommy Genesis, and Rich Bitch Juice by Alice Longyu Gao -*Some people say I look very sad I’m just having my resting bitch face ‘Cause man, I’m tired I’m tired, I’m so fucking tired Drinking my rich bitch juice* Tim: *sipping his rich Bitch Juice* “Mood.” Dick: *Gasp* “Timmy… That most definitely should not be a 'mood’.” Tim: *shrugs and continues to crush up caffeine pills and add them to his coffee* Tim’s Guilty Pleasure Song -Damian: *grumbling* “All his songs should be considered guilty pleasure songs”- is Ken Doll by Gameboi. 

Tim Drake’s Playlist

[Tim and Damian reviewing security footage, when Jason appears in frame]

Tim: Jesus Christ, that's Jason Bourne.

Damian, confused: Jason Bourne? What are you talking about, Drake? That is clearly Jason TODD.

Tim: Damian, it was a jo-

Damian: Are you having a stroke? Or perhaps is it your inherent brain damage that I have been warning father about that is responsible for your abrupt inability to identify the black sheep of this family.

Tim: First of all, RUDE. And secondly, it was a joke!

Jason: You look like a prostitute.

Dick: …

Dick: But like an expensive one, right?