#jan warner

I will say today is "A Bad Day." I sleep too much or watch too much television. Even the simplest things seem impossible. Sometimes a bad day can turn into a good day if I make myself take action. Other times it just has to be accepted as a bad day, with the hope that tomorrow will be a better one.

Some people are frightened they will forget their memories. That is part of my pleasure: I forget a memory and rediscover it. Did something really happen the way I remember it? It doesn't matter. In memories, I find feelings, I find opinions, and most importantly, I find love.

It is normal to internalize the feeling that our culture imposes on us: that something is wrong with us because we are grieving. We can, if not careful, begin to loathe ourselves for continuing to grieve. The task is not to stop grieving; the task is to live fully while grieving.

It's normal to feel guilty about all the things you could have said and done. There is so much wasted time in so many relationships. I want a do-over. I want us to have a chance, not to love each other more, but to show it more. When I get stuck in this way of thinking, I am learning to remember all the special moments we did share, all the sweet and loving things we said and did. If we had been perfect, we would not have been human.

Sometimes in the darkness of grief we feel so totally lost that giving ourselves love and praise seems impossible. However, we each have a tough and tenacious part of us that is clinging on that is worthy of praise. Looking for ways to say Hooray For Me is a way of nurturing the part of us that wants to live fully.

Grief makes you vulnerable, but it is time to notice what you are doing and applaud yourself for it. A Hooray for Me can be as simple as getting out of bed in the morning or taking your dog for a walk. A Hooray for Me can be as complex as hosting a dinner party or going back to work. If you have gotten through another day without the person you love with you, you have accomplished something. Notice what you are doing, not what you aren't doing. Become your own cheerleader. You deserve it.

When hiding becomes all that you know, the fear of coming into view again can be overwhelming. What is lost can be found, but it does not always feel that way. That's why showing up can begin by simply going for a two-minute walk. Remember when you come out of your hiding place you can always go back in. Respect your fear, and then follow it to see where it leads you.